Self-Fellating Red Sox Post No. 1
I'm a little late with this, unlike my blindingly prescient scoop yesterday. My Red Sox played a game Sunday night and looked like the team everyone feared coming into the season. Since this team is woefully underrated and ignored by the mainstream press, I feel the need to break down this meaningless April game in excruciating detail for you, HoG reader.
Following his miserable start in Kansas City last week, Curt Schilling returned to form. No, not that form, more like the recent Schilling vintage--just replace the bloody sock with a hefty gut. He's an efficient pitcher who stays around the strike zone and knows how to retire hitters. No longer can he blow guys away with gas--much like his former teammate Unit he relies on breaking pitches to induce grounders. Schilling has worked on a change this spring--I was drinking a little too much to know if he used it much in this game.
All of the good guys' scoring came courtesy of Big Papi, who deposited two Vincente Padilla fastballs into the right field bleachers. Padilla is like a poor man's Schilling in that he throws a lot of strikes, but he's kind of dumb in that he throws them predictably and all the time. Joe Morgan made the point that he thinks he can still overpower hitters with his fastball, which in the case of guys like Papi he can not. But we're not here to discuss No. 8 starters on my fantasy team, so let's move on.
After looking off balance through much of the first week, Ortiz is certainly seeing the ball better. I still think he ought to play the field--he's no worse defensively than Youkilis and it would keep him more involved and focused. No one is talking about it, but this offense scares me a little bit right now, and not in the good way. They're relying way too much on Papi and Manny. Varitek has completely lost it, and the filler is substandard. Yook and Lowell are effective, similar in production to what the Sox used to get from Bill Mueller and a non-awful Varitek. But Crisp, Lugo and Pedroia are rough. It may work itself out--they did score 14 runs today against the Mariners. Lugo has promise in the leadoff spot, and Pedroia is just a kid. This may evolve into a typical Red Sox lineup, circa say 2003, but there is work to be done.
Most important to that evolution is J.D. Drew. Am I optimistic about that? Absolutely not, but one can dare to dream. Let's table the Drew dynamic for now, as I'm sure HoG Nation will be subjected to several million words on the topic throughout the summer.
Back to Sunday's game...all was well until Schilling handed the lead to the battered bullpen, where the wheels began to loosen from their lugnuts. Joel Pineiro (can the Administrator insert a few of those Hispanish accent marks in my toolbox please? Are they called tildes?) loaded the bases in less than 15 pitches--it's his signature skill--and the other Javy Lopez had to bail him out. The other Javy Lopez got an out and yielded a run, as he's not a dominant pitcher (the Sox actually sent him down today). Terry Francona has his club teetering on the edge of a cliff and a potential series sweep.
Everyone knows the saga of Papelbon's return to the back of the bullpen. It came with caveats about his workload, and an implicit promise not to overwork the kid. Yet here we were, on the eighth of April, and Francona summons young Pap into an impossible sitch: first and third, one out, a one-run lead and back-to-back All-Stars due to bat on a frigid evening.
All the fucker did was whiff Michael Young, pop up Teixiera, and blow away the last three Rangers of the night. Joe and John were painting the inside of the broadcast booth with semen over Pap's mind-blowing eruption of dominance. He looked filthy, mean and impolite.
And all of a sudden the Boston Red Sox looked like the team to beat in the American League. Beckett turned in his second straight lights-out game today in the home opener, and most of America will see Dice for the first time on Wednesday night. Of course nothing will be decided until the home-and-home serieses with New York in September (sorry Toronto), but the Yanks' pitching looks gruesome. I'm ready for summer.
Following his miserable start in Kansas City last week, Curt Schilling returned to form. No, not that form, more like the recent Schilling vintage--just replace the bloody sock with a hefty gut. He's an efficient pitcher who stays around the strike zone and knows how to retire hitters. No longer can he blow guys away with gas--much like his former teammate Unit he relies on breaking pitches to induce grounders. Schilling has worked on a change this spring--I was drinking a little too much to know if he used it much in this game.
All of the good guys' scoring came courtesy of Big Papi, who deposited two Vincente Padilla fastballs into the right field bleachers. Padilla is like a poor man's Schilling in that he throws a lot of strikes, but he's kind of dumb in that he throws them predictably and all the time. Joe Morgan made the point that he thinks he can still overpower hitters with his fastball, which in the case of guys like Papi he can not. But we're not here to discuss No. 8 starters on my fantasy team, so let's move on.
After looking off balance through much of the first week, Ortiz is certainly seeing the ball better. I still think he ought to play the field--he's no worse defensively than Youkilis and it would keep him more involved and focused. No one is talking about it, but this offense scares me a little bit right now, and not in the good way. They're relying way too much on Papi and Manny. Varitek has completely lost it, and the filler is substandard. Yook and Lowell are effective, similar in production to what the Sox used to get from Bill Mueller and a non-awful Varitek. But Crisp, Lugo and Pedroia are rough. It may work itself out--they did score 14 runs today against the Mariners. Lugo has promise in the leadoff spot, and Pedroia is just a kid. This may evolve into a typical Red Sox lineup, circa say 2003, but there is work to be done.
Most important to that evolution is J.D. Drew. Am I optimistic about that? Absolutely not, but one can dare to dream. Let's table the Drew dynamic for now, as I'm sure HoG Nation will be subjected to several million words on the topic throughout the summer.
Back to Sunday's game...all was well until Schilling handed the lead to the battered bullpen, where the wheels began to loosen from their lugnuts. Joel Pineiro (can the Administrator insert a few of those Hispanish accent marks in my toolbox please? Are they called tildes?) loaded the bases in less than 15 pitches--it's his signature skill--and the other Javy Lopez had to bail him out. The other Javy Lopez got an out and yielded a run, as he's not a dominant pitcher (the Sox actually sent him down today). Terry Francona has his club teetering on the edge of a cliff and a potential series sweep.
Everyone knows the saga of Papelbon's return to the back of the bullpen. It came with caveats about his workload, and an implicit promise not to overwork the kid. Yet here we were, on the eighth of April, and Francona summons young Pap into an impossible sitch: first and third, one out, a one-run lead and back-to-back All-Stars due to bat on a frigid evening.
All the fucker did was whiff Michael Young, pop up Teixiera, and blow away the last three Rangers of the night. Joe and John were painting the inside of the broadcast booth with semen over Pap's mind-blowing eruption of dominance. He looked filthy, mean and impolite.
And all of a sudden the Boston Red Sox looked like the team to beat in the American League. Beckett turned in his second straight lights-out game today in the home opener, and most of America will see Dice for the first time on Wednesday night. Of course nothing will be decided until the home-and-home serieses with New York in September (sorry Toronto), but the Yanks' pitching looks gruesome. I'm ready for summer.
1 comments:
Blah blah blah blah blah Red Sox are awesome blah blah blah blah blah blah Papi Papi Papi blah blah blah blah blah blah blah we've got lotsa $$$$$$ blah blah blah blah we deserve it more than anyone blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I want to lick Schilling's nutz blah blah blah blah
Is there anything more boring than reading a diatribe about the Red Sox "struggles." My god, I'm fuckin' dyin' here, man.
We've got NHL playoff action to discuss, upcoming NFL schedules, NBA basketball post season approaching, the NFL draft ... and you go with 83 paragraphs of Red Sox babble during week ONE of the season. Jeez, man. You've still got 150 some games left. Relax. Besides, the Yanks will beat ya anyway. Go Blue Jays.
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