Friday, August 29, 2008

Friday Afternoon Fracas: 8-29-08

Bunch o' lame shit going on 'round the MilkyWays today. Not a bunch, rather, but some. John McCain announced his running mate last night. It's a woman: kind of surprising. She's been the governor of Alaska: pretty rad. She's a hockey mom: pretty kick ass. This might mire some 'tweeners that can't think for themselves and decide which is worse, a minority in office, or a woman in office. That's them, those mentally twisted f**ks that make a up a large portion of our population. It's didn't alter my voting plans at all. But it is a curious move. Either way, I'm stoked to move forward into the haze of lame-duck Bushdom, which really won't be much different than the last seven and-a-half years, but whatever. A small handful of non-political yabyum, after the jump.

There's been a lame sports story or two making the cycles as of late, but this one takes the cake.

Oh, wait. My bad. This one does.

Continuing with the theme, Major League Jerk rails Fire Joe Morgan, then gives them a taste of their own medicine. Yowsers.

Strange happenings all around. Like Cristian Guzman hitting for the cycle yesterday, and helping his Washington Nationals crush Humberto's Dodgers 11-2. As the beauts at BLB say, "what the hell just happened?" One can't help but wonder how they'll fare this weekend against division rivals/leaders, the D'Bags.

To wrap it on a funny note, yesterday's "Balls Deep" at Deadspin, by the BDDster himself.
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Baseball in the Daytime: 8-29-08

This is getting old. Cubs baseball, and only Cubs baseball on a Friday afternoon. I mean, I get it -- most teams will sell more tickets when the working men and women have completed their income-related tasks for the week, and can then head out to the American baseball stadiums. Except in Chicago, where the fans are zealots and loons for their Cubbyball, and therefore would sellout a game if it were before nine a.m. Mass on Sunday morning. For the sake of mixing up our own little feature here, though, it'd be nice to have someone else playing daytime ball besides the baby bears. But oh well. It'd be nice to have Kansas City Royals not whining to the media, too, but I guess you can't expect grown men to act like grown men. Anyway, your Wrigley details, after the jump.

Philadelphia @ Chicago, 1:20 (Central): On paper, this looks to be a pretty darn good game. The Phillies are a game back of the Mets, and they'll need every bit of juice they can get from today's starter Joe Blanton, who's 6-12, and sporting a 4.75 E.R.A. They'll need the stuff from him, especially since fellow righty Rich Harden will take the mound in the bottoms of the innings, and he boasts a 9-2 record with a 2.0 (Editor's Note: Two point oh!) E.R.A. Therefore, this game should be entertaining. Blanton's never faced the Cubs, and it'll be a spectacle if Harden can hold off the Philly bats. Catch it Phanatically (722) or Wrigley-style (723) on DirecTV, or crank the XM dial to 185. And if you're not in Chicago, turn to your nearest neighbor, and let 'em know they ought to take you out to the ball game.
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Thursday, August 28, 2008

Thursday ThumbTubes and YouNails: 8-28-08

It's another lovely Thursday here in the Middle West, and the final pre-season Chiefs game will have happened when we wake up tomorrow. That, of course, means that we'll be fully prepared to travel to Foxboro one week from Sunday, and Denver of course, will square off with Lane Kiffin and his Black Hole. Good, good times we simply can't wait for.

Until then, other stuff will happen, people will write about it, and we'll link to them. 'Cause that's just how goddamn good we are here at the House of Georges. Brimming with originality. Overwhelmed by our own creative sides. Let's look at some samples.

I usually stop by the WithLeathers at least daily. Why? Because they write some pretty funny stuff on a pretty regular basis. Today's no exception:

NFL - Shawne Merriman, possessing the natural intelligence of any former Terp, has decided to forgo surgery in favor of playing with torn ligaments in his left knee. This is a guy who plays in the same division as the Broncos, even. Enjoy being cut down permanently by that first chop-block, big guy.

I also pop in to the KSKs frequently. I've secretly been awaiting their AFC West preview for some time now, and today they finally delivered it. Analysis? Color me disappointed. I mean, it actually sucks horse scrotum. Now, they are a humor site, and they ain't tryin' to be serious about much, but come on, fellas. Highlights, if you could call them that, are as such:

QB Brodie Croyle lost all six games that he started last season. He played his college football at Alabama, where he perfected his unique, ellipically-shaped haircut, which he refers to simply as “Follicle Village...Star linebacker Derrick Thomas died suddenly in 2000, so look for him to see reduced action this year.”

Really? That's all you got? Oh, wait. There is this:

Look for Herm and the crew to tie their first 11 games and then back into a nice, Top-10 draft pick for 2009. You heard it here first.

Alright. That's kind of funny.

"Before this past offseason, Brandon Marshall once cut his hand on a toaster oven after a angry discussion that began with an excessively hot Cherry Pop Tart. In fact, many of the appliances in Marshall’s home meet in the living room on Tuesdays for group therapy sessions...Head coach Mike Shanahan has been with the Broncos for so long, the Denver Post has a historical back page feature called “Before That Rat-Faced Fuck Ran John Elway Out Of Town...The city of Denver is 5,280 feet above sea level, and roughly 7,000 feet above reality."

Partially funny, but nothing extraordinary.

And since football season is as near to beginning as it could possibly be, there's this gem, courtesy of Hugging Harold Reynolds:

In Kansas City baseball news, the talk radios were saturated with one story in particular yesterday. It involved Royals' outfielder Jose Guillen. When the Royals offered Guillen the largest contract in franchise history this past off-season, many folks deemed the deed a mistake, claiming that he has a history of being a team cancer, and that that is evidenced by his playing for eight ball clubs in nine years. I have no idea what they're talking about, personally. I've not seen, or heard of any issues involving him this season. Moving on...

(clip courtesy of The Big Lead)

Big League Stew links to this Chicago Tribune story in which the case in point centers on an all-Chicago World Series,

which apparently spells doom for the NL variety of Illinois baseball. Who knew?

Anyway, the Governer's Cup is getting underway, with America's favorite Crimson Tide alum Brodie Croyle taking snaps for the good guys, which means I'm out.
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Baseball in the Daytime: 8-28-08

About the only way I'd tune in to some daytime baseball today would be the same way I typically watch golf on TV: low volume, stretched on the couch, eyes closed, and nobody home. But that's just me. I'm sure there are some cats out there that are into the teams playing today. I ain't one of them, and I's sorry for you if you is.

Two contests on the menu today, and they'll be served charred, as in beyond well done, with a side of boring, and a twist of nothing.

Red Stockings @ Pin Stripes, 12:05 (Central): Okay. At least the pitching matchup can be called an exciting appetizer. It's Mike Mussina and his 16 wins for the home crowd, and Jon "Lefty" Lester of the 12-5 variety for the visitors. Boston's won three in a row and keeps trying to narrow the gap between themselves and the first-place AL East Bay Rays. The Bombers sit 10 and-a-half back. Ultimately, who cares. Last Sox game at Yankees Stadium? Big deal. Let's wrap this season up today so both clubs can watch the playoffs from home. Now that's a special! Catch it Sox style (722) or Yanks version (723) over on DirecTV. XM carries it on channel 176.

Cincinnati @ Houston, 1:05: Talk about a sleeper. Brandon Backe'll toe the slab for the Astros. His counterpart is also a righty, and goes by the name of Aaron Harang. Backe's 8-12, while Harang is 4-13. These guys are 16, and 25 games out, respectively, in the NL Central. Yikes. DirecTV has this one on 724, while XM calls the shots on 189.

And that's Baseball in the Daytime today, kids. Feel free to watch cartoons. Or scrambled porn. Either one'll be more exciting.
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Wednesday, August 27, 2008

We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Your Obligatory, Terribly Titled Fox-y Lady Edition

Normally this feature doesn't appear in the House until late in the afternoon, but I've got fantasy football draft one of three this evening, and I've got to take the dog to the vet, attempt to clean (our actual) house, etc., therefore, it's coming at you pre-noon style. As always, I'm sure our readership will enjoy the craftily crafted verbage composed to accompany each image, and rain praises on us for our fine efforts in the comments. Whether or not that happens is miniscule in the galaxy of importance as the news I just uncovered (Editor's Note: I'm usually about three and-a-half calendar years behind the real world.): Our good friend Gary Coleman got married? To John Elway's daughter? This happened at the end of last year, and they were divorced within six months? On "Divorce Court"?

Megan Fox

On second thought, eff that. Most of the fackers that view WAHCW are freaks and pervs wasting hours of each day doing Google image searches of attractive celebrities like Megan Fox. Why waste my own time on such losers?

I mean, she is a sensation that's sweeping the nation.

But it's not like I got all day to come up with crap to say about her.

We know that the paparazzi's all over her,

especially since she was in some movie.

Seems some sports blogger or another's doing a spread on her almost daily,

and those guys have larger audiences,

are more professional,

and likely get paid a lot more to do this stuff.

So why would we put in the effort?

For the love of it?

The passion?

Forget that.

Okay. We are all smiles about the House of Georges,

and typically, when we see something we like, we'll go after it.

Let this be understood, though: It ain't for you Google image twerps.

It's for the actual readers, the 'tweeners if you will (Note: I have no idea what that means.).

There. The writing's on the rib cage wall.

No longer will I stare at my monitor for hours upon end, Carpalling myself into a Tunnel,

just to collect a pile of imagery for you oglers,

then feigning glee over the words created to accompany said images.

I'm serious.

I'm looking out at you all, with puffed chest to communicate this message:

"No longer will I dream up clever phrases to go along with cleavage shots."

The well is dry; I've got nothing else tucked away.

From now on, it's cruise control time. I'll just lean back and let the Web do the work.

It's not like the commentary in this feature has given me much to smile about.

Sure. Commish CH has always been appreciative, but the rest of you don't offer Jack.

It's time to stretch, relax, take it easy,

and not worry so much about filling this figurative cup.

My time'd be better spent doing a little research,

or doing some real journalistic reporting out there in the field.

I hear outside's where it's at: fresh air, sunshine, the opposite of this muggy basement.

Or I could just forget the whole thing, and spend my afternoons napping.

After all, I'm most comfortable chillin' in the bedroom in my drawers.

I'd have to mix it up, though; maybe occasionally move to the living room.

And I suppose I'd have to bathe once or twice.

But it'd be nice if I could just channel these posts in their entirety from some unknown source,

Because ultimately, when it comes down to collecting fresh material, my back's against the wall,

my innermost abilities to write something new and different exposed.

At least that's how it feels from the inside looking out.

But if you, the unknown reader, can look me in the eye, and tell me differently...

...then perhaps I'll again put my brain to work on this feature next week.

If not, I'll certainly look back on it with fond memories,

smile at some of the notes we've made,

and know that at least we gave it the ol' college try.

When it comes to fresh and new, though, we've exhausted most everything under the hood.

So bat your eyes and stroke our egos, fans of WAHCW,

and sink your fingers into something else your keyboards.

We've worked tirelessly at this weekly gig,

and it's time we hear how much, or how little, it blows you away.

And that's all she wrote. The Fox in the pen comes to us courtesy of on205th, MegansaFox, and, of course, Gorilla Mask. Barring any lack of commentary, We'll see you next time.
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