Tradition Tuesday: Fields Of Dreams

Editor's Note: The rough focus of this blog is the rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs (represented by Bankmeister) and the Denver Broncos (championed by Cecil and yours truly, Old No. 7). It may seem unfair that it's two vs. one, but once KC gets that second Super Bowl we'll even out the delegation.

Seven years ago we started The Tradition, in which us Broncos fans travelled out to the Truman Sports Complex with our team, and Bank returned to the Rocky Mountains with his. We tailgate, we talk massive amounts of shit, our wives occasionally get assaulted by rival fans, and we almost always watch the visiting team lose. It's a grand old time.

Here at the HoG, we're going to keep The Tradition alive all year long with Tradition Tuesday--a weekly state-of-the-rivalry address. Since yesterday's events in Virginia have left me sapped of both comedic energy and forced hate for my opponents, I'm going to break down the respective stadiums. I know, boring, but if you suck down a little Robitussin and crystal meth before you read it will become fascinating.

For years the AFC West contested its battles in six venues: Jack Murphy Stadium in San Diego, The Oakland Coliseum, Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, Seattle's Kingdome, Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City and Mile High Stadium in Denver. The Seahawks have vacated the division and the Raiders have returned to Oaktown. The Chargers still play at the Murph, which is not a bad park. And the Broncos have replaced Mile High with glistening Invesco/Amvescap/(Redacted) Stadium/Field/Park. We'll get to that one momentarily, but for now we review the home...of the...CHIEFS!

I feel dirty just having written that, especially when I found the same lame gag online. If you haven't been to a game in Kansas City, I'll explain that crap in a minute.

ARROWHEAD STADIUM

This place was built in 1972 and it really was a revolutionary design. All of the new ballparks that have been erected in the last decade use the same configuration of a large lower bowl, abbreviated midlevel "club" section and an upper deck. Everything is aligned with football field dimensions, and there are no bad seats in the place. I once sat in the section reserved for the families of Broncos--believe me when I say they put us in the shittiest spot of all--and the view was fine.

It's part of a big complex that also includes the Royals' stadium and tons of parking, much of which is on these nice rolling hills covered with grass. I'd heard about the legendary tailgating at Arrowhead and it truly is a great scene, with lots of barbecue and fans that convert short buses into custom Chiefmobiles. The only drawback to the parking lot scene is that every single Chiefs fan is a first-rate asshole, but if you can get by that you'll have a great time. The last few Bronco games there have been miserably cold, but I've been to some games in early autumn and the tailgating is a blast.

Between your car and your seat the park really shows its age. The points of entry and concourses are very cramped. Halftime is a huge issue when it comes to space in the concourses, as KC folk like to eat and they like to smoke. There simply isn't enough room to accomplish either. Getting in and out of the place is a nightmare, so you end up missing portions of the game to piss and buy beer (which doesn't really matter, as the Broncos lose every game there save for one).

As far as actually watching the game, which is all that matters, there's no place better. It is loud, and it is red, and it is intimidating as fuck. It's a true homefield advantage, as if you took 79,000 prison inmates and let them watch a game of convicts vs. guards. Wear the orange and blue here and prepare for all manner of verbal abuse, and maybe a granny or two taking a swing at ya. I've watched my team play in New Orleans, San Diego and Arizona, and none of those places come anywhere close to the experience of taking in a game at Arrowhead. It is awesome.

INVESCO

My feelings about this stadium are decidely mixed. Don't get me wrong, it is a God damned palace of American football. There is no fucking way that any city has a better NFL stadium, and that new park for the Cardinals is truly amazing. Every seat is tremendous and relatively spacious, there are tons of bathrooms, and you can actually purchase an adult beverage in a reasonably short amount of time. The sake is piping hot, and if you're into various food options you're in luck, especially the bad ass tamales in the upper deck.

But there's something to be said about having a little rattiness in your football stadium. Old Mile High was a shithole dump, but it was loud and imposing and scary. As a child the place gave me the willies--it was fully of hairy drunken men and you felt the whole structure might collapse at any moment.

Invesco, after a few seasons of placid housewarming, is finally broken in. The home fans are loud at the right times, and I believe the increasingly frequent home losses are more a result of on-field breakdowns than uncommitted fans.

You definitely get more douchbags now than in the old days. That's not Invesco's fault, other than the cost associated with attending. Denver itself has seen a massive inmigration of cocksuckers and fairweather nancies. Club level at Invesco is easily the most depressing sports zip code in America, full of assholes for whom a Broncos home game is no different than a weekend in Jackson, a day fly fishing on the Snake River, or a Sunday drive in the Hummer. Fuck you guys, fuck you all.

The tailgating scene outside Invesco is as fragmented as the seating sections inside it. Everything directly adjacent to the park is very official and designated for season-ticket holders. The outlying areas and private pay lots are where the action is, but it's broken up into dozens of zones, each with a different price tag. Get there early, light the coals and let 'er rip--I just hope you can find your car after the game.

HEAD TO HEAD

So Arrowhead has the edge in parking, home-field advantage and game-day ambience, while Invesco takes the prize in every category related to convenience, hygeine, attractiveness of local women and the team that plays there. I've certainly left out a few important items:

Crowd chants: At Invesco, following every failed opponents' pass play, the locals yell "In-Com-Plete!" You may think that's pretty gay, but you may also have so much flexibility in your neck that you can blow yourself. At Arrowhead, the end of the National Anthem goes like this: "O'er the land of the free, and the home of the CHIEFS!" While it sounds cool, the desecration of a sacred American hymn is not cause for celebration. I'll bet Osama is a huge Chiefs fan.

Neighborhood/scene: While Invesco is smack dab in the middle of a pretty shitty neighborhood, it's directly adjacent to the bars, restaurants, hotels and exposed breasts of downtown Denver. Arrowhead is located in a subrural hell, accesible only by sister-fondlers and squirrels.

Audio/video: The quality of the scoreboard is of interest only to the casual football fan, and the casual football fan is a waste of my time. That said, the screens and speakers at Invesco are world-class. Even the piss-poor music that is often played there sounds incredible. The three video boards are HD-quality--my only complaint is that sometimes when you just want simple statistical info about the game you're watching you instead get stuck with mindless bullshit. Invesco for a night game is the NFL's premier sensory experience. In this category, Arrowhead blows balls...but again, we're here for a football game not a Powerpoint presentation.

Hotness of cheerleaders: You tell me--this or this? I'm hopelessly biased, but I'll take my bitches.

Public transportation: First off, this is for pussies. If you're going to a football game, you need to drive there in a large car, cook meast over open fire, litter, drink gallons of liquor and then drive home. It's your duty. That said, Invesco has a light rail stop, you're able to taxi there, and much of downtown is within walking distance if you're ambitious. People get murdered on Kansas City buses nearly every day.

THE DECISION

Both have their flaws, and both have their virtues. When its all said and done, however, this Broncos fan thinks Invesco is the shit, and Arrowhead is shit. But there may be a Chef-lover or two that thinks my analysis is In-Com-Petent.