In Defense (kinda) of Bill Simmons

I feel silly even writing this.

Who needs to talk even more about Simmons? He's such a Promethean figure in the world o' sports bloggery that a full discussion of his considerable body of work should encompass multiple posts, each aimed at a specific deconstruction of a specific theme--his worship of all things Boston, his references to '80s TV shows, sports movies, whichever celebrity he bumped into most recently, Holy Cross basketball.

But it's in our contract. To continue writing at you, our nonexistent readership, we need to take a stand on the web's favorite acne-scarred sports columnist. And here it is: kudos to you, Bill Simmons. Kudos.

Which of we anonymous, sarcastic voices would not take the offer ESPN recently made him? If they were gonna pay you what they're gonna pay him, you'd do help create "sports-related programming," too. You'd throw up every morning before shootings of "Stu & Lou's Boo-Yah Celebrity Sports Quiz 2008" (starring Stuart Scott! and the withered corpse of Lou Holtz!) but you'd do it.

The bitching otherwise is just silly. So what if Simmons long ago sacrificed his everyman-on-the-web persona to chase the Worldwide Leader's big $$? Who ever thought that blogging about sports--about anything, for Christ's sake--could pay at all, ever?

We here at HoG aren't in this for the money (well, our Administrator is, but that's a whole different story. Something about laundering cash for Chinese Tong gangs) No. We're in it for the glory. We're in it for the adulation. We're in it for you, the readers, even if most of you are douchebags who know nothing about sports.

Ah, right. Another schtick. Bashing our phantom readers.