Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Tradition Tuesday: Blah, Bluh, Blah-Blah, Blah

Four score and somethin' or other, the rough focus of this blog was the rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Denver Broncos. It's either been replaced by a theme of drunken laziness, or it's simply the off-season. I'd offer more of an in-depth analysis than that, but I need a nap. A wee, mildly entertaining handful of links for you, coveted reader, after the jump.

B-Marsh is apparently not going anywhere, which could only fuel his alleged hatred, I suppose, for the city of Denver.

Hey look: You can subscribe to Predominantly Orange ! Before doing so, set aside a solid two and-a-half reading hours per day.

Trent Green filling in for Peter King makes for some decent reading.

Michael Jackson and an Andre Rison jersey . Who knew?

There is of course this gem on Elvis Grbac, which is pretty sad.

Kinda like this post!

Tune in next week. We sort of half-assedly guarantee to put forth less effort.
Read more

Historically Speaking: Free Beer Tomorrow

If I were the spokesperson for Tuesday, this would be my client's slogan: "Tuesday. It ain't Monday." Read stuff, post-jump.

* Heavyweight champion Jack Johnson and contender Tony Ross climbed into a Pittsburgh ring today in 1909 to go at it in a title bout. After six rounds, the fight was declared a no decision. The Washington Post, however, gave Johnson the victory in its next morning's edition.

* In National Football League history, the Portsmouth Spartans became the Detroit Lions today in 1934 and the city of Atlanta was granted a franchise on June 30, 1965.

* Major League Baseball umpire Vic Delmore made a mistake today in 1959 that ultimately cost him his job: During a game in Chicago, hurler Bob Anderson chucks a ball-four pitch to hitter Stan Musial; the throw gets away from catcher Sammy Taylor. Delmore erroneously hands Taylor a second ball, and Taylor heaves it into centerfield in an attempt to catch Musial stealing second after the walk. Third baseman Al Dark, however, had chased down the original wild pitch and relayed it to shortstop Ernie Banks who tagged out Musial. The circus resulted in a 10-minute chat; the crew agreed that Musial was out. Oops.

* It was today in 1970 that Brazil defeated Italy 4-1 in the World Cup in Mexico City.

* Results from 1982 fan balloting in New Jersey determined that the new National Hockey League franchise would be called the Devils, which beat out the Americans, Blades, and Meadowlanders.

And your Sports Illustrated quote of the day came from the mouth of...

...Carolina Panther tight end Kris Mangum. In 2006, having learned that Head Coach John Fox had announced that Mangum would be the team's third quarterback, he said, "I think it gives everybody extra incentive to block good."
Read more

Monday, June 29, 2009

Going Fetal

A good enough title. Especially since I'm currently listening to the Eels' song of the same name. Don't know much about The Eels? Here. I know, I know, myspace is lamey lame lame, but check it out anyway. Especially "Prizefighter" and "In My Dreams" from Hombre Lobo.

In other news, I'm still unemployed and my neck hurts. Thanks a lot, gym. Turns out you weren't so great for my physical well-being after all, were you? At least I now have a stack of prescription drugs. If I'd had this injury as a young man I wouldn't have lived through it. They'd have found me with a cluster of percocet and valium on my tongue, a bellyful of Schaefer and a goofy smile on my grill.

Supposedly we're to be working on yet another themed feature, something about baseball and midseason reports and such-like, but I'm gonna put that off indefin--er, for a little while and offer instead some random linkery. Because, well, that's easy. And my neck hurts. Follow after jump, plz.

Adam Schein, who used to massively overrate the Broncos under Shanahan, has some particularly ridiculous projections for Chicago's receivers now that Jay-Jay is in town.

This list is pure bullshit. Gossage at #5? Unfuckingbelievable. Sorry, I don't buy the fancy ERAs and save numbers that the Hoffmans and the Riveras of the world put up these days--they simply don't do the same job that Gossage, Fingers, even Eckersley did. If The Goose had only faced three batters a game during his career, the second-best fireman of all time wouldn't be able to see him with a telescope.

Is there a more noxious columnnist than Gregg Doyel? He can take a reasonable point, and by the time he's finished you want to hit him in the face with a sack of doorknobs.

Bill Williamson makes up for being a talent-free hack by calling the Kansas City franchise by its rightful name.

JaMarcus Russell=no leader
. I can't say I'm terribly frightened by any team that looks to start Jeff Garcia.

A portly scout named Rob Rang has high hopes for Falphonso Smith.

Matt Bowen of The National Football Post says, to no one's surprise, that Denver's D is on the heated chair...but so, in his opinion, is Chicago's. That ought to disappoint the Ditkas clogging up ESPN's message boards who are all still living in 2004.

This servile piece of "journalism" sprang from the keyboard of one Carol Slezak, currently occupying a desk at my dad's old newspaper. She might as well have ended it with "BEAR DOWN CHICAGO BEARS!" I mean, the Denver sports media has issues aplenty, but when was the last time one of our locals sucked off a player that blatantly? Even Woody Paige thinks this is over the top.

And finally, yours truly's other bloggin' gig.

Read more

Historically Speaking: Insert Bangles Lyrics Here

Monday sucks. Real original, right? Baseball and boxing (and Bangles!) after the jump.

* Couple Chicago-involved baseball bits to kick things off: The Chicago Cubs and the Cincinnati Reds played a nine-inning game today in 1916 using only one baseball; and Detroit Tiger Jim Northrup hit his third grand slam in a week today in 1968. This third bases-loaded jack gave the Tigers the win over the White Sox, 5-2.

* Today in 1933, Primo Carnera knocked out Jack Sharkey in the sixth round for the heavyweight title. The fight, which took place in Long Island, was Sharkey's first title defense attempt, having won the belt from Max Schmeling one year prior.

* Two mid-80s baseball treats: Pete Rose played in his 3,309th baseball game today as a Montreal Expo, passing Carl Yastremski as the all-time leader. Though he went 0-5 at the plate, Rose's Expos defeated the Reds, 7-3. Two years later, Detroit skipper Sparky Anderson saw his Tigers beat the Milwaukee Brewers 9-5 in game one of a double-header. The victory made Anderson the first manager in Major League Baseball history to win 600 games in both leagues.

* George Foreman was stripped of his International Boxing Federation title today in 1995 when he refused to give Axel Schulz a rematch. Having won both the IBF and the World Boxing Association titles in November 1994, Foreman's spring of '95 looked like this: stripped of WBA belt in March for refusing to give number-one contender Tony Tucker a fight; defeated Schulz via split decision in April; then surrendered his second title in three months time.

* Eleven years ago today, the National Basketball Association, based on a labor-agreement standstill, decided that a lockout would be imposed at midnight.

And your Sports Illustrated quote of the day came from the mouth of...

...one-time Texas Ranger pitcher Jim Kern, who, in 1979, thought back to a time when a manager pulled him for a reliever. Kern told his skipper that he "wasn't tired," and his manager replied, "No, but he outfielders sure are."

Read more

Friday, June 26, 2009

Historically Speaking: 6-26-09

Alas. Friday is upon us. Most teachers schedule something fun for Fridays. I ain't most teachers.

* Ingemar Johansson and Floyd Patterson got in the squared circle today in 1959 to see who would be the heavyweight boxing champion. Johansson took the title from Patterson via a technical knockout in the third round at Yankee Stadium. Patterson, who had held the title since shortly after Rocky Marciano's retirement as champ, faced Johansson twice consecutively after the victory, losing both bouts by way of knockout.

* Baltimore Oriole Frank Robinson hit two grand slams in a 12-2 win over the Washington Senators today in 1970. While Robinson's O's would go on to win the World Series that year, the slugger himself remains one of only 12 to ever accomplish the feat. Among the elite are Tony Lazzeri of the New York Yankees who, in 1936, was the first to do it, Nomar Garciaparra who did it with the Mariners in 1999 and is the only one of the 12 to hit both bases-loaded jacks in his home park, and Bill Mueller, who was not only the last player to do it (2003 with the Red Sox), he's the only hitter to hit the grand slams from both sides of the plate.

* The year was 1979 when Muhammad Ali announced his retirement from professional boxing at age 37. He retired as a champion, much like Ray Bourque of Colorado Avalanche fame, who retired today in 2001, 17 days after winning his first Stanley Cup in a 22-year National Hockey League career.

* Jennifer Capriati won Wimbledon today in 1990 becoming the youngest ever to win the tournament at the age of 14, and Jamaica won the World Cup today in 1998 becoming the first Caribbean team to win it in 60 years.

* The Charlotte Hornets, in 1991, made the University of Las Vegas-Nevada's Larry Johnson the National Basketball Association's number one overall pick. In his 10-year pro career, Johnson played in over 700 games with the Hornets and the New York Knicks. He drained over 4000 field goals, scored 11,450 points, pulled down 5300 rebounds, and accumulated 2298 assists, 515 steals, and 258 blocked shots. He won the NBA's rookie of the year in the 1991-92 season, made two All-Star squads, and his teams made the playoffs on six occasions.

And your Sports Illustrated quote of the day came from the mouth of...

...one-time San Francisco Giants (among others) Manager Dave Bristol, who, in 1980, addressed his struggling team: "There'll be two buses leaving the hotel for the park tomorrow. The 2 o'clock bus will be for those of you who need a little extra work. The empty bus will be leaving at 5 o'clock."
Read more

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Thursday ThumbTubes & You Nails: Back from the Dizzead

You'll have to just take my word for it when I say that I started working on this post this morning, many, many minutes before famous people started crumbling like the Berlin Wall. The purpose of the title was to imply that it's been a while since we pulled together a TT&YN, but that's kind of par for the course around here. Pick up a habit. Abuse the shit out of it. Go to rehab for a minute. Get out. Resume habit.

So this particular installment of this particular feature isn't going to get read win us any awards, but you know, it's nice to get the ol' feet wet again. Get post-jump. Enjoy.

Ah. Michael Irvin.

Has one man ever produced more headlines?

Triumph the Insult Comedy Dog at Bonnaroo.

(clip courtesy of Daily Motion)

Hey, look:

The NBA draft is tonight. Chill your sodas and pop your corn.

Uh, Wimbledon's going on. And if you're a girl that chases balls,

then look out.

(clip courtesy of Awful Announcing)

As mentioned,

Farrah Fawcett died today, which was totally bizarre considering that she and Ryan O'Neal just "announced" that they would finally wed like two days ago. At least that's when I read the story, anyway.

The picture ain't perfect,

but this was too cute to pass up.

(clip courtesy of Video Gum)

I'm in the grocery store last night. True story. I hear this older fella drop an F-bomb as he comes around the corner. I give him a look. He says, and I quote, "Sorry. That guy had an Obama shirt on and I had to ask him 'Are you really any better off than you were seven months ago?'" Fucking tool. Leave it to a Republican to a) jump down someone's throat at the market just because he feels like pouting, b) expect actual change in seven months time, and c) be a massive tool in general.

Leave it to a liberal to post that instance to his blog from his basement.
I don't know how old these are, but they're freaking hysterical:

Brief interruption to bring you this image:

Now back to real-life video game stuff.

Little tribute action:

Finally, I just have to say

No, no. Not really. Okay. Actually, really. But at least I like you enough to share this with you. Set aside some time. Go there. Entrance.
Read more

Baseball in the Daytime: Six Pack After Catcherkkake

If you missed last night's Royals-Astros game that went into extra innings, you missed quite a sequence of unusual events. Allow me to backtrack. Tuesday night's game was a 2-1 win for the visitors, and Kansas City closer Joakim Soria gave up two singles in the bottom of the ninth before striking out two and fielding a grounder. Nailbiter. Against the Astros. After five frames on Wednesday there were goose eggs in the runs column for both squads. Top of the sixth: Mark Teahen reaches with a single. Brayan Pena does the same. Royals skipper Trey Hillman, the subject of some recent House of Georges scrutiny, calls for Tug Hulett to pinch hit. In the sixth. If the move had failed, cue the central scrutinizers.

But it didn't. Hulett singled, scoring Teahen. Houston countered with a two-run homer in the bottom. In the ninth, Lance Berkman pulls a Bill Buckner; Mitch Maier safe at first. Hillman sends Mike Jacobs in to pinch hit, who crushes one to deep center, but not out. The Astros CF plays it off the wall (into his glove) and Houston tries to pretend like he caught it clean, sending the ball back to first as though Maier, who saw it hit the wall first, hadn't tagged up. One ump calls Maier out. Another overrules him. David De Jesus singles, scoring Maier: tie game.

In the 10th, Royals catcher Brayan Pena is at the plate, and after the first pitch, Astros catcher Ivan Rodriguez gets up and gets in his face, claiming that Pena "peeked" behind him to see where Rodriguez was positioned, an unwritten-rule violation of player etiquette said Royals commentator Frank White. Rodriguez continued to jaw at Pena for two more pitches, just before Pena jacks one out of the park, Royals 3, Astros 2. Hillman then sends Miguel Olivo out to catch for the bottom of the inning, where Rodriguez is leading off. He singles, chats up Billy Butler about the scenario at first base, advances to second on a Kaz "Sex" Matsui sacrifice, where he chats up Willie Bloomquist (now playing SS) about the deal. Another Houston hit, Rodriguez scores, tie game again.

In the 11th, Olivo leads off, and Olivo attempts to ignore Rodriguez, who was shooting Olivo glares in the dugout when Pena had been at bat. So what does Olivo do? Sends a pitch over the wall in leftfield. John Bale comes in and retires the Houston side. Royals win, 4-3. Never in my life have I seen such a bizarre catcher threesome take place. So, the natural thing to do would be to announce your starting catcher in each game of Baseball in the Daytime, but that ain't happenin', homes. You'll have to settle, after the jump, with the guys on the hills.

Windy City @ Motown, 12:05 Central: It's Cubs baseball at its finest, ladies and gents, especially when lefty Ted Lilly takes the hill. Though Chicago has lost three straight, they're still at .500, and Lilly's 7-4, 3.04 E.R.A. gives them a decent shot this afternoon. Right-hander Armando Galarraga gets the go for the Tigers. He's had less success as his 3-7, 5.62 insists. That E.R.A. creeps above seven if you look at his last three starts. I'll be pulling for Cecil's club as Detroit has won six straight, a comfortable five-game cushion over Minnesota in the A.L. Central. Get your DirecTV rocks on on 307, 721, or 722. Or, put an ear to a speaker on XM 176.

Gateway to the West @ Shea Queens, 12:10: The schedule makers are quick to interrupt our Inter-League hoedown with some quick N.L.-on-N.L. action. Our second match of the day should be a pitching delight as the 5-1 righty Chris Carpenter goes for the Red Birds, while left-handed Johan Santana starts for Los Mets. Santana has struggled of late, losing three of his last four goes, but still holds an 8-5 record. This game'll matter in the standings as St. Louis clings to a one-game lead over Milwaukee in the N.L. Central; New York sits a game and-a-half behind defending champion Philadelphia in the East. DirecTV invites you, but not for free, to have a peek on the 723 or the 724, while XM says, "Picture. Picture? Listen in on 183."

City of Fountains @ We Have a Problem, 1:05: The Royals look for a sweep of the Astros today as a couple of four-loss, right-handed Brians go to work. It's Bannister versus Moehler down at Minute Maid Park, and you can have your juice and drink it, too: DirecTV 729, 730; XM 184.

Humberto's Angels @ White Stockings, 1:05: The fourth can of our six pack should be a hurler's doozy as well. Dodger Chad Billingsley, his right arm, his 9-3 record, and his 2.83 E.R.A. challenge White Sock Clayton Richard, his left arm, and his 2-1/4.03 combo. L.A., of course, continues to cruise out West winning of seven of their last 10, padding that eight-game lead, while Chicago sits three games over .500, right smack in the middle of the A.L. Central. Catch the arms and the bats on DirecTV 725 or 726, or tune into XM 177.

Twinkies @ Brew Crew, 1:05: Next on tap is Scott Baker and the Twins versus Mike Burns and Milwaukee. Baker hasn't quite had the start many envisioned, posting a 4-6/5.22. Burns was called up from Triple A Nashville due to Dave Bush's placement on the DL. This will be Burns' first big-league start; he went 7-2 with a 2.55 this season in the minors. Dunk your cream-filled Hostess cake in a pint of Miller Lite on DirecTV 727, 728, or crinkle the wrapper and the can on XM 185.

Whale's Vagina @ non-Pilots, 3:40: And a pair of lefties conclude daytime baseball today. It's Wade LeBlanc and Jerrod Washburn standing on the rubber. The Padres' first-time starter got knocked around a bit by the A's in relief duty on Friday, while Washburn continues to hover somewhere below the pitcher Mendoza Line, if such a thing exists. And it doesn't. But hell, tune into DirecTV 731 or XM 176 if you feel like catching some west-coast Inter-League love. I know I don't.

That's your slate for today, folks. Like Coco Crisp might say, My work's done; I'm outta here.
Read more

Historically Speaking: 6-25-09

Well, another work week has nearly passed us by, which may or may not lend one to unbutton the shirt a bit and relax. Just make sure you get your homework done before you go out and play.

* In what afterwards thought to be the final fight of his professional career, Joe Louis defeated Jersey Joe Wolcott today at Yankee Stadium in 1948. The 11th-round knockout preceded Louis' decision to retire as champion, which preceded one comeback attempt, a unanimous-decision loss to Ezzard Charles two years later, also at Yankee Stadium. Louis' victory over Walcott was his second consecutive, the first coming six months prior, a split-decision win at Madison Square Garden.

* Pancho Gonzalez and Charles Pasarell vollied a tennis ball through 112 games at Wimbeldon today in 1969. The five-hour, 12-minute dual was the longest in the tournament's history.

* An interesting Major League Baseball thing happened today in 1976: Texas Ranger shortstop Toby Harrah became the first at his position to play through an entire double-header without a fielding chance. The shortstop displayed a balancing act, however, logging six hits through both games including a grand slam in the first tilt and another long ball in the second.

* Today in 1985, ABC's "Monday Night Football" debuted with a killer broadcast trio: Frank Gifford, Joe Namath, and Orenthal James Simpson.

* Twelve years ago today, the National Hockey League approved expansion franchises in Atlanta (Thrashers), Columbus (Blue Jackets), Minnesota (Wild), and Nashville (Predators). Professional hockey was new to both Columbus and Nashville, while Atlanta and Minnesota both previously hosted franchises. The Flames played in Atlanta from 1972-80 before moving to Calgary; the North Stars called Minneapolis-St. Paul home 1967-93 before relocating to Dallas.

And your Sports Illustrated quote of the day came from the mouth of...

...Kansas City Royals Hall of Fame pitcher Steve Busby, who, in 1975, compared his arm to an MLB HoFer: "I throw the ball harder than Nolan Ryan. It just doesn't get there as fast."
Read more

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Actually, All of Us Are Hot

Yass, yass. We're back with another installment of one of our longest running features that never gets "read." That's right. It's Wednesday, and our host can barely shed his layers quick enough in order to cool off and set up what's in store. So if you can make haste without breaking into a cold sweat, get beyond the jump and feel the heat.

Oh. And make sure to bring your tightest dance moves. There will be judges posting scores in various categories, so have your Sunday best on, and have your game, too.

Ashlynn Letizzia

Monday was hot. Damn hot. Ashlynn hot.

Carmen Silva

Tuesday cooled down to Carmen Silva levels, which is like three degrees.

Eva Cifrova

And three degrees was nearly enough to force me to strip down to a Cifrova wardrobe.

Gemma Massey

This, of course, means that today topped Monday.

We're talkin' 101 on the Gemmometer.

Heather Vandeven

Spending as much time in my car as I do during the average work day,

Jaclyn Case

I had to do something.

Karissa & Kristina Shannon

Left with no choice, I bought one of these.

It was either that or explode, and not in a way that the Shannons would've wanted.

Karlie Madelyn

Miss Madelyn approved.

Natasha Anastasia

Some folks, i.e. Natasha, can handle the heat.

Olivia Munn

I roll like Miss Munn, stripped down and inside.

Kellie Maines

If down the road from my office, just off of Maines Street,

I could immerse myself in a refreshing body of water,

I'd do it.

Actually, I'd do "it," and Kellie in one fell swoop.

Not that you're interested in hearing my bare my all,

but believe you me, it's better than seeing me do it,

so give thanks. Such sights are better suited for other folks.

Marzia Prince

So, yeah. If you're looking for advice, it's this: Stay inside.

Keep the shades drawn,

and make sure your outfit's comfy.

If you wanna get all greased up and filthy in this mess,

at least make sure there's a breeze.

If you're not careful, you could wind up seeing double. Or triple, even.

I'd keep a bathing suit handy until further notice,

because as hot as it is, it can still heat up at any moment.

Trust me.

Just when you think you've seen as hot as it can get, boom. Another notch.

So I take the reverse approach; I dress in layers.

Shit gets a little unbearable, take some shit off.

Marzia doesn't have any problem doing so.

And neither should you.

The mercury, among other things, has only begun to rise.

Be ready for rocketing proportions of increase, or be ready to suffer.

That's it for this week. All you HoGers, thank our sponsors. They provide us with umbrellas, suntan lotion, and ice-cold water.
Read more