Suddenly, I Love ESPN (Update: No, I Don't)

Just as I was doing "research" on my post skewering ESPN for fucking up summer, they run a huge item on their web site reminding me of a great awesome event that will happen in half an hour.

Seriously, who else makes such a big deal about an event like this? It was not in my morning newspaper, and none of the retards I saw at the coffee shop told me. The release of the schedule alway just sort of happens, and it's the only momentous sports item that flies beneath the radar.

It means the world to fans like me. I live a day's drive away from the nearest NFL stadium, so when and where certain teams are going to play dictates my entire fall itinerary. It's huge, and I appreciate that the four-letter beast reminded me of it.

Of course, the NFL Draft was also once a little underappreciated event for hardcore geeks that ESPN totally overhyped and ruined. So enjoy it for now.

(Update: ESPN fucking lied, as usual. The NFL Schedule is the exclusive property of the NFL Network for the next hour, as they're broadcasting a show about it. Think CBS, and their NCAA bracket show. So please wait for sixty minutes with your dicks in your hands, courtesy of ESPN. God I fucking hate those guys right now.)

(Second update: NFL.com claims to have a link to the show, but it doesn't work. Fuck them too. Figure skating doesn't treat its fans like this.)

(Third update: ESPN announced its MNF schedule, and some douche is chatting about it. All the questions are about the full schedule--because who the fuck cares about MNF anymore?--and Douche is prattling on about the Bills or something.)

(Fourth update: NFL.com has the schedule up, finally, fifteen minutes after promised. That's a quarter of an hour I'll never get back. Broncos schedule here.)

(Fifth update: I have no idea why it's jamming these paragraphs together like this. Blame this guy. I'm honestly hitting Return twice.)