Thursday, April 26, 2007

Fun With Print Journalism, HTML

I racked my brain for hours today. I thought and I thought, and I fed the kleenex and fell asleep in my chair thought some more, but it wouldn't come. I couldn't think of what to write about today. Hockey playoffs? Check. Draft nauseum? Check. Tradition post of the week? Check. We Are Hot Chicks post of the week? Check. This is an actual stream of my consciousness. Deep. I know. NBA playoffs? See just below red print.

Okay. Okay. I'm secretly cheering for the Nuggets. Settle down. I ain't watchin'. And that's only because how can you not cheer for the flippin' Nuggets? They've had so little success in their history. They pulled the strings to get
AI (that's right Kobe, suck a lemon). And they're named after dense fluffy mega-morsels of weed! What's not to love? I'm also secretly cheering for Golden State. Not to win. Just to make a good series out of it, which, by Warriors standings, they already did by winning a post-season game.

I happen to, despise my hatred of all things Texas, root for the Mavs most every year. I mean, when people tell me they're playing, I'm all I hope they win it all, inside. And of course, I always become a huge Suns fan come late April, or whatever time of year that ultra-stud Steve Nash can drop fecal samples in Kobe's coffee. The Lakers, after barely making the playoffs, are down 0-2 against Nash and crew. Shit. Can't we call it a championship there? My point? I'm gettin' there. Settle the fuck down. Old No. 7's in Mexico. We're still at least a day away from hearing from the One-Man Mobile Uplink Unit Weekend Correspondent. I'll take my sweet-ass time.

The Lakers, actually, to get to my point, suck lots of goat balls. No. I'm not sure if goats have balls, but work with me here. Also in the animal ball-sucking category are the Detroit Red Wings, down 2-0 in the second period of game one against the Sharks. Uber-sweet. The guest of honor at this Ball Sucker's Ball, however, plays in a division some of you may know as the American League East.

Yeah. Now, you're seein' the theme. I was sitting there thinking fuck you, Interwebs, give me a picture of today's MLB standings, so I can post it. And it hit me. I can cut out things from my very own newspaper, scan them, and save them to my computer. I know. Archaic, right? Archaic, but sweet. So I did. And it's crooked, and fuzzy, and surrounded by a tacky white border, and I'm pretty sure I scanned a piece of lint in there, too. But hey. I procured an image to portray Team Douche Bag. Right above those standings are the Central's. No surprise who's in last place there. They're supposed to be in last, though, right? Not the Brokebacknx Boofersmbers.

They're practically royalty. I suppose it's alright, though. We're tolerant creatures here at the HoG. We're mildly intelligent, too. So, if we want to tolerantly put together a small little equation -- you know, a little something like:

you wouldn't mind, would you? I didn't think so. But you already knew what I was going to tell you. You already knew all of that. I sincerely apologize for wasting your time.


Unknown said...

It's nice seein' those Yankees at the bottom, isn't it.

I doubt it'll last.

As I said last week, go Blue Jays.

Hey, did they have any games this week? I noticed the column indicates 2 straigt wins.

Unknown said...

Why in God's name are you cheering for the Nuggets? Iverson ... Anthony ... name one likeable player on that team, man.

You want a young exciting team to follow ... go with the Raptors, or the Bulls.

Personally, I've adopted the Cavs. They fit my criteria ... Jayhawk in the starting lineup, good young talent, team concept, don't jump into the stands to beat fans, and my fiance's home town. That'll do it.

I gotta say I loved watchin' Drew Gooden take over during LeBron's foul trouble last night. The boy has still got a little touch ... now and again.

blairjjohnson said...

I've always been a big AI fan, homes. I dunno; I can't really explain it. He stands for everything I believe in. Not an ounce of selfishness in him. Model citizen. Plays D about as well as I do. You know. That kind of thing.

Unknown said...

He's fun to watch, but ...

"We're talkin' about practice ... not the game ... practice."

Cecil said...

Uh, seriously? One of you lives in a cornfield, and the, Ulan Bataar?

I happen to reside in Denver, first of all; and second of all, actually care about basketball 'stead of just when the Jayhawks are gagging in the Elite 8. Here's what I know:

Aside from that one "practice...practice" rant a few years back, you can't find a teammate of his who won't come to his defense. And not just because he will personally murder them, execution-style. He jacked 30+ shots a game for the Sixers because, well, who the fuck else was ever going to score on a single one of those teams? Theo Ratliff? Dikembe? I love the multi-lingual African as much as anyone, but come now. Even Larry Brown ("We talkin' about Larry Brown...Larry Brown") spoke in his defense...after he left Philly, yeah, but still.

And since he's come here he's been a dreamboat. Engaging with the media, passing, being the "leader" on a team that really needed an actual one--all I can say is, A.I. is O.K.

And f'reals, dude. You don't find the Nuggets likeable but you chose the CAVS? Led by the Human Sponsorship Reel? That's like a casual baseball fan just saying, "I sure like the cut of Derek Jeter's jib...maybe I'll root for those Yankees." I'll cut you some slack on the fiance angle. Other than that...NEXT

old no. 7 said...

Good times. I think rooting for a team because of a chick is perfectly acceptable. And by acceptable I mean something else.