Fun With Print Journalism, HTML

I racked my brain for hours today. I thought and I thought, and I fed the kleenex and fell asleep in my chair thought some more, but it wouldn't come. I couldn't think of what to write about today. Hockey playoffs? Check. Draft nauseum? Check. Tradition post of the week? Check. We Are Hot Chicks post of the week? Check. This is an actual stream of my consciousness. Deep. I know. NBA playoffs? See just below red print.

Okay. Okay. I'm secretly cheering for the Nuggets. Settle down. I ain't watchin'. And that's only because how can you not cheer for the flippin' Nuggets? They've had so little success in their history. They pulled the strings to get AI (that's right Kobe, suck a lemon). And they're named after dense fluffy mega-morsels of weed! What's not to love? I'm also secretly cheering for Golden State. Not to win. Just to make a good series out of it, which, by Warriors standings, they already did by winning a post-season game.

I happen to, despise my hatred of all things Texas, root for the Mavs most every year. I mean, when people tell me they're playing, I'm all I hope they win it all, inside. And of course, I always become a huge Suns fan come late April, or whatever time of year that ultra-stud Steve Nash can drop fecal samples in Kobe's coffee. The Lakers, after barely making the playoffs, are down 0-2 against Nash and crew. Shit. Can't we call it a championship there? My point? I'm gettin' there. Settle the fuck down. Old No. 7's in Mexico. We're still at least a day away from hearing from the One-Man Mobile Uplink Unit Weekend Correspondent. I'll take my sweet-ass time.

The Lakers, actually, to get to my point, suck lots of goat balls. No. I'm not sure if goats have balls, but work with me here. Also in the animal ball-sucking category are the Detroit Red Wings, down 2-0 in the second period of game one against the Sharks. Uber-sweet. The guest of honor at this Ball Sucker's Ball, however, plays in a division some of you may know as the American League East.

Yeah. Now, you're seein' the theme. I was sitting there thinking fuck you, Interwebs, give me a picture of today's MLB standings, so I can post it. And it hit me. I can cut out things from my very own newspaper, scan them, and save them to my computer. I know. Archaic, right? Archaic, but sweet. So I did. And it's crooked, and fuzzy, and surrounded by a tacky white border, and I'm pretty sure I scanned a piece of lint in there, too. But hey. I procured an image to portray Team Douche Bag. Right above those standings are the Central's. No surprise who's in last place there. They're supposed to be in last, though, right? Not the Brokebacknx Boofersmbers.

They're practically royalty. I suppose it's alright, though. We're tolerant creatures here at the HoG. We're mildly intelligent, too. So, if we want to tolerantly put together a small little equation -- you know, a little something like:








you wouldn't mind, would you? I didn't think so. But you already knew what I was going to tell you. You already knew all of that. I sincerely apologize for wasting your time.