Friday, April 25, 2008

My Sports Life is a Rock Song: "Into the Wild"

This week's feature strays a bit from the title; a more pertinent name for the installment would be "My Sports Life is a Motion-Picture Soundtrack." But it works. And I'll explain how. As a refresher, however, the purpose of this feature is to in fact blend a selection of music with the author's current stance on the wide world of sports as he (or she -- in case we ever have a lady on the staff) knows it. In case this piece of information has slipped by anyone, the NFL draft kicks off tomorrow morning, and it promises to be as entertaining as always. It has, via our extended library of reader commentary, come to my attention that certain parties were disappointed over the lack of House of Georges coverage regarding the recent trade of Kansas City Chiefs defensive end Jared Allen to the Minnesota Vikings. It should go without mentioning that this exchange did not slip by HoG headquarters unnoticed. It was in fact discussed at great length, here, in last week's installment of this very feature. Thus, it's time to analyze just what the Chiefs will do with their compensation for Allen, their time on the clock already super-sufficent prior to the transaction. Jump ahead to figure out just what the hell I'm talking about.

I've said it before, but here it is again: Herman Edwards is a smart man, and a good football coach, but not a smart football coach. Carl Peterson, though his head is wanted by many a die-hard Chiefs fan, is not a bad character in my book. I'm not interested in debating this; it's long since grown tiresome. Suffice it to say that for my money, he's done a pretty darn good job running this franchise. Did I say great job? I did not. Great job=championship(s). That hasn't happened, and therefore he tops out at the grade of "pretty darn good job."

Anyway, for much of this weekend's selection extravaganza, the Chiefs will be on the clock. For those that are not familiar with the motion picture "Into the Wild," based on Jon Krakauer's novel of the same name, go see it. I'd offer the always-obnoxious -- though I too have been guilty of it -- "the book was way better" tag line, but I've read roughly .6 books/year over the last decade and this one wasn't one of them. It, the movie, of course, also has a bad-ass soundtrack, all courtesy of Eddie Vedder. Here's how I've morphed the two into this week's selection: The title and score of each track on the album suggest, and, no, I'm not using that word loosely, a personality trait about where the Chiefs have been, where they are, or where they will soon be. Have a look.

Track One: "Setting Forth"

Anyone even remotely familiar with Kansas City Chiefs football knows that Herman Edwards, with Peterson rubbing his back, is committed to building this team through the draft. I, though subject to some controversy, have felt the last two years have been a bit of a success draft-wise (Editor's Note: Mention the words "Justin" or "Medlock" and I sick Humberto on you. For reals.). My offering is this: This is year three of the project that will likely go down as "The Utterly Embarrassing Herman Edwards Experiment." Get. It. Done. Make this the third and final year of building through the draft, and go win some goddamned football games. And by "some," I mean a lot more than four, dicky.

Track Two: "No Ceiling"

This track is a short one, so I'll keep this brief. You have 13 picks, dudes. That is, one more than 12, one less than 14. Find some fucking talent, pick them, sign them, and then play them to sometimes win the game.

Track Three: "Far Behind"

Far behind is exactly where the Chiefs are in the great-and-storied AFC West. This just in: The Raiders don't count. If translation is necessary, that means last fucking place, Mr. "The Key to the Playoffs is By Winning the Division." You've done bragged about how much picking you'll be doing this weekend while the rest of the division will be watching. Don't screw this up.

Track Four: "Rise"

Go back. Re-read the notes under "Track Three" and make the inference, Chiefs Nation. It's time to rise from the ranks of humiliation and defeat, and claim our spot among the elite. Is that wishful thinking? May be. Wanna fight about it?

Track Five: "Long Nights"

Long, oh so freaking long, have the nights been since we were on the doorstep of the AFC Championship? Math was never my strong subject, so I won't tally how many actual nights it's been. That would only be one more statistic with which I might cry myself to sleep each long and painful night that the championship eludes us. Make like daylight savings time, Herm and Carl. Make the nights shorter.

Track Six: "Tuolumne"

I had no idea what this meant, so I looked it up. Turns out, it's "a river, about 249 km (155 mi) long, of central California flowing generally westward to the San Joaquin River." If it hadn't been listed, I was going to offer that it's a beautiful one-minute instrumental piece, which means I must relay the message in terms of majestic glamour.

But if words are the desire, than make the journey toward a Super Bowl victory one that flows westward to the San Joaquin. I don't care either way.

Track Seven: "Hard Sun"

Carl Peterson's contract is up (again) at the conclusion of this season. If things aren't looking up, hopefully Clark Hunt makes the right move. I won't say that the right move is firing Peterson, but if that happens, the final image of dusk from King Carl's Plaza condominium will be one hard sun at which to gaze.

Track Eight: "Society"

This track is best defined by its token line: "I hope you won't be lonely without me, society." I don't mean to prognosticate, but if that's Carl speaking, then, uh, no. We won't. I don't think.

Track Nine: "The Wolf"

This is a brief-but-powerful instrumental that incorporates some chanting into it. Very nice. I'd like a reason to chant, a reason to high-five KC Wolf. And soon.

Track Ten: "End of the Road"

Oh, the euphemisms this ditty could stand for are simply endless. For Carl? For Herm? For Tony Gonzalez? For the sellout crowd streak? For the almost-gone-already Arrowhead mystique? It could be all of the above if this draft, and ensuing season are unsuccessful. I don't count developing our younger players as successful either, Herm.

Track Eleven: "Guaranteed"

This song is a wonderful way to close things out. For the movie, the story within it, the album, and for the expectations that lie on the Chiefs organization as well. If a Super Bowl berth can't be spoken in in terms of guaranteed, it had better be spoken of in a damn convincing fashion. None of this five-year plan shit. Don't get me flustrated, now.

And there it is. Pick the album up. It's worth it. And pick the right friggin' players this weekend, Chiefs front office. We're counting on it.


The Lone Reader said...

Talib and 17?

-- TLR

The Lone Reader said...

Rock song?

Win some games next year?

I think "Dazed and Confused" might be a little more along your lines, buddy.

bankmeister said...

Uh. Yeah. I'd offer a response if I had any idea as to what in the hell you're talking about. "D&C," it turns out, is a good song, though.