Conversations on the Corner: The NL West

This, our latest endeavor to produce ongoing features stacked with staunch journalism and in-depth sports coverage, is "Conversations on the Corner," where we chat with a few Major League Baseball first basemen about their counterparts in the bigs. We've selected an assortment of glovers from each league, and they've pledged to help us breakdown the other first basemen in various divisions. It promises to be skewed, highly inacccurate, and include and a ton of material over which we'd like to not be accused of libel. So dig in. (Editor's Note: The HoG spared no expense in this project, so, if the inclination arises, don't stifle it. Donations can be sent in the form of multi-packs of Big League Chew, or in American dollars. Click here to inquire about the House of Georges corporate office/mailing headquarters.)

We kicked off this feature yesterday with an allegedly lengthy look at the National League East. Today we look at the West, and here to help us with this endeavor is none other than the San Diego Padres' Adrian Gonzalez. Our conversation, in all of its brilliance, can be found a hop, skip, and a jump away.

Bankmeister: Senor, Gonzalez -- Como esta Usted?
Adrian Gonzalez: I speak English, boss.
B: Que bueno! How are you feeling about the Pads so far this year?
AG: Pretty good, I'd say. You know, right now we're two games back of the Diamondbacks, who've been playing some pretty lights-out baseball.
B: You can call 'em, D-bags, ese. It's cool.
AG: Uh, thanks. But no.
B: Well, you're not doin' too shabby yourself, toying with a .300 batting average, a couple jacks and a few RsBI.
AG: Yup. I keep hitting batting practice early, and sometimes stay after, too.
B: So let's talk about your NL West peers in terms of first basemen. Where shall we start?
AG: You tell me. You're conducting the interview.
B: Si. Es verdad. Let's start with Barry Bonds' former teammate Rich Aurilia. Somehow that guy got the nod for spot one on the depth chart.
AG: Well, he's a guy that's been around the NL for a while. Knows a good deal of the pitchers from his division, and the rest of the league, really.
B: He ever try to get your mom's recipe for tamales?
AG: What?
B: Nevermind. The Giants don't look so hot. Sure, it's early. But they've got their work cut out for them.
AG: Yeah, well. You know, it's a tough division at times, and the season's a grind--
B: Blah, blah, blah. That division sucks. No offense. I mean, the D-bags may keep pitching well, especially if the aged Unit stays healthy, but you guys'll likely choke down the stretch, and the Dodgers are the only other competition worth mentioning, which, by the way, they're not.
AG: Hey, man. (accent surprisingly thickens) Fuck you, homes. We working hard every day as a team.
B: I know. I'm sorry. I was only playin'. Seriously, though -- you ever hang out with your cousin, Tony Gonzalez? That guy's awesome.
AG: Who? Man, that guy ain't my cousin.
B: Sure he is. You're both Gonzalezes, you both live in California. How many of you can there be out here?
AG: Man, forget you. I'm out. (stands)
B: No, no, no. For real. (grabs his shirt sleeve) I'm for real this time. We don't have much longer. Since we were talking about Arizona, how about this Conor Jackson kid? He's tearin' shit up out there: 12 hits, two doubles, a triple, two homers, 13 runs batted in, and a .333 average.
AG: Yeah, man. He's gonna be the real deal by the end of this year. Maybe All-Star next year.
B: You think when he had friends over in high school and they broke some shit, his friends'd be like, "Sorry, Miss Jackson...ooooo!"?
AG: Como?
B: Nevermind. I'm curious how he compares with the Dodgers' James Loney. Whaddayou know about him?
AG: This kid is, how do you say -- oh, yeah -- another rising star. Sometimes he look better than Conor. And he younger.
B: Yeah. Guess that sucks to have to play both of them so many times a year, huh?
AG: Nah, man. We can be better than them. No problem.
B: (nods quickly and repeatedly with a bit of a grimace) Sure you can. Finally, a gentleman who helped us with the NL East segment of this feature, is Colorado's Todd Helton.

Todd Helton: Careful whatchoo say, vato.
B: Todd Helton? What're you doing out here in San Diego?
TH: Playing San Diego.
B: Of course.
AG: He (gives look that suggests otherwise) okay, man. Good team leader. (tries discreetly to make swirling motion with index finger pointed at his ear)
TH: Blow me, beaner.
AG: What? What you saying, Helton? I stab you, man.
B: Yo, Adrian. Let's save that for James Loney's fans, bro. Thanks so much for your time.

That's it for today. Check back tomorrow as we put the NL Central's glovers under the microscope. Peace out.