Untimely Reviews: "Jonesy"

Several months ago, I mentioned to the wife that I wanted a copy of John Buccigross’ book Jonesy. She’s a frequent Amazon orderer, and when she completed her next purchase, she got me one. And I was thrilled. If you don’t know who Keith Jones is, you’re probably not a hockey fan; he spent roughly a decade scoring goals for the Washington Capitals, Colorado Avalanche, and Philadelphia Flyers. Over the years, I’ve acquired a few hockey books, but seldom do they interest me as the topics usually pre-date my fandom. Jonesy, however, was a different story. Even better was the fact that it was penned by Buccigross, who’s always been my favorite ESPN personality, mostly because he used to host NHL 2Night with Barry Melrose.

I don’t remember Jones as a Capital, and only knew he was a member of the Avalanche when I saw Kris Oyler’s mouse pad in the basement office of Steamworks Brewing Company over a decade ago. The pad was a team photo of the Avalanche, and one day I saw it and said out loud, “Keith Jones was an Av’?”

I remember him as a Flyer though, because from 1996-2000 I lived with Steve Rathje, lifetime Flyers fan, and in that five-year period, we logged hundreds of hours playing NHL fill-in-the-blank on PlayStation. Occasionally we’d mix it up, but most of the time, it was a never-ending series between his team –- Philadelphia –- and mine, the St. Louis Blues. In fact, if we were both home, the only time we weren’t playing video-game hockey, we were watching hockey on television. Seeing as how we lived in southwest Colorado, not many Blues or Flyers games were televised, but lucky for us, our clubs were both perennial playoff contenders in those days, so there was plenty of post-season action for us to catch on ESPN and ESPN2.

Since Philly’s in the eastern conference, it was easy for me to become a fan of the Flyers, and I continue to root for them each year they’re in contention, especially since the Blues, until this year, have been pretty miserable for a while.

Those late ‘90s Flyers squads were pretty entertaining, and Jones, for some time was on a line with John LeClair and Eric Lindros. In his book, Jones lets readers know that he doesn’t think Lindros ever willfully did anything negative toward the Philadelphia Flyers, and I accept that as (mostly) accurate and truthful, but at the time, I thought he was a freaking ninny. On Steve’s end, he was a pretty big LeClair guy, so I somewhat quietly developed a short-lived affinity for Jones. He seemed like the perfect everyman for whom to root.

After I left Durango, I only followed the Flyers from a distance, and to be honest, I kind of forgot all about Jonesy. Then the lockout happened, and ESPN opted to not renew their television contract with the NHL, and so, for a minute, games were on the Outdoor Life Network. After one season, the network was revamped and became known as Versus. Somewhere in that fold, Jonesy reappeared as a desk guy, and all told, he was pretty darn good at what he did.

Versus grew, and after last season, became part of the NBC Sports Network and Jones’ role has expanded. Or at least it appears to have; he’s at the studio desk almost every night.

So I was pretty excited to read this book about a guy I used to root for then forgot about, written by one of my favorite television-hockey personalities.

Unlike my other installments of Untimely Reviews, though, I don’t have a lot to say about this book. As a hockey fan, I found it a great read. As a guy who roots for the everyman, I found it a great story about someone that appears to be a pretty great human being. I identified with the early mention of the loss of his brother, who was killed, at a young age, in a train accident.

As someone who has occasionally been lazy in life, I chuckled at Jones’ bold admittance of having a non-existent workout regimen for most of his entire hockey career. In sum, he preferred chicken wings and beer to being in the gym, and frankly, who wouldn’t?

I found it some mix of shocking and not surprising that he blew every dollar of his first contract in next to no time, the bulk of which went toward a fancy sports car. And I found it phenomenal how crisply he remembered his stats at nearly every junction of his career. It could be that that’s just how Buccigross presents it, but sheesh. Great memory.

There are some other cool aspects to the book, like Jones’ concussion. Obviously, it’s not cool that he got one, but it was fascinating to learn about how it affected him, especially now that head injuries are such a major, major topic in sports, particularly in hockey, particularly right now in the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and particularly with Jones having to report on the hits, fights, and suspensions associated with them.

There was one other human aspect to the book, and that’s the story told in the final chapter. I won’t hash out the specifics of it here because it’s better read directly than regurgitated second-hand.

Now, it’s true that I read this book as a hockey fan and a Jones fan, as well as a regular-guy fan. Above all, though, I read books as a writer and an editor. Of course, I’ve not published anything and the only things I’ve edited (recently, anyway) have been my own work. My brain is trained to read that way, though, and so it’s unfortunate that (perhaps) my biggest take away from the book was a negative: It’s not edited.

I did about six minutes of research on the book, so I obviously don’t know a thing about the process or the budget. I do know that Jones’ proceeds go to a charity, and that I doubt Buccigross was able or willing to fund any of the book’s expenses himself. I do know that it was published in 2007, though, and that the Internet was alive and working well. Social media was not quite the giant that it is now, but having said that I have to believe that it wouldn’t have taken much more than a small grassroots effort to find someone willing to edit the thing for free.


I know I would’ve done it.

The problems, as I see them, are three-fold:

1) Typos. As far as I’m concerned, one is too many, and I lost count of them.
2) Redundancy. Let the reader fill in the blanks. You can’t say the same thing over and over again, especially within the same paragraph or on the same page.
3) Exclamation points. Huge no-no. The only instance in which they might’ve been appropriate would be direct quotes from Jonesy yelling at someone whom he pestered on the ice, and even then it’d be a stretch.

I’m not the only one that found the lack of editing to be an unfortunate, unnecessary distraction. You can find plenty of complaints here.

I won’t belabor this point any further. It’s been made, and I still enjoyed reading the book, but if there was any desire to capture members of a non-hockey audience, I have to imagine the effort was unsuccessful.

For all you hockey people: Don’t let that distract you; you’ll probably still enjoy it. And for Buccigross himself, tweet a brother up for your next project. My offer stands.
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It's the Most Wonderful Thing of the Year!

Screw bowl games. Winter. Effing. Classic. Think I'm pulling for the Bruins in this one.

Dropkick Murphy's are playing before the game, and ice conditions are perfect. Check out some shots of the Fenway transformation here. Game on!
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There's Only One Way to Rockies!

Jim Tracy tinkered with his lineup yesterday. It looks even better today. Ubaldo Jimenez and Cliff Lee are your starters in this tilt. The Phils are up two games to one, and the winner will face Los Dodgers. It's Angels Yankees for the ALCS.

Can't believe it let me do that.
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Sleeping with the Enemy: Week Three, Chiefs @ Eagles

Welcome, welcome. It's Friday, and that means it's time for another edition of "Sleeping with the Enemy" here inside the House of Georges. This week's edition kicks of the NFC East ass-kicking on which the Kansas City Chiefs are about to embark. They take their sorry 0-2 asses up to Veteran's Stadium for a contest of futbol Americano against the ol' Philadelphia Eagles. Should be a good time.

Our guest this week is none other than the wily HoG veteran, Johnny Utah. You might remember him from such features as the N.L. West mid-season report card, both this season and last. Anyway, we had him over to the House for a quick chat about Pennsylvania pigskin, and you can peep it, post-jump.

Bankmeister: Thank you, as always, Johnny Utah, for taking time out of your day to join us. We've gotten together to chat baseball in the past, but our football conversations have been little to non-existent. Kindly let our readers know exactly how one comes to be a fan of the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Philadelphia Eagles. Would you say you like one sport better than the other? Do you like either team more than the other? Who, assuming you have some, are your other favorites? I heard through the grapevine that you like Iowa college football. This pretty much covers most of the country for you. Who's your college basketball team? The Hawaii Warriors? Pros? Miami Heat?

Johnny Utah: Tis my pleasure to once again visit HoG for a little friendly banter. Ok, my pops played for the Dodger organization in the mid 60's. That's where my love for the Boys in Blue came from. I was born and raised in Philly, always a huge Eagles fan. It's tough for me to say if I prefer one over the other since I'm passionate about both. Baseball is a beautiful science. Football is a brutal sport for gladiators. How can you lose with either? I don't really have an other team I favor, except for the Lovable Losers that play at the K. But, I have watched less Royals ball this year since the departure of the steely-eyed wonder known as Ross Fucking Gload.



Indeed, your grapevine is once again correct. I do love me some Hawkeye football, and hoops. I'm pretty stoked that I will be seeing the Iowa basketball team right here in KC in Novemeber at the CBE Classic. Plenty of good seats still available...

I can honestly say that I haven't watched a full NBA game in at least a decade. It does nothing for me. Back in the LA Showtime days, I was all about Magic,Kareem, and of course Kurt Rambis a.k.a. Superman.

B: Fascinating. So, then -- I guy like myself that only follows Philly from a distance thinks this: Donovan McNabb is better than average. He's actually pretty good. We took a lot of heat, perhaps rightfully so, for not including him in the HoG 25's Best Quarterbacks of the Last 25 Years. There are reasons for including him and reasons for excluding him. Being a pretty big fan of Brodie Croyle, I hate the fact that a guy gets judged based on fragility, but to me, that's what Donnie Mac is: the most Super-Philly fragilistic, expiali-chokemaster in recent years. He's shown us, over the years, that he can be fantastic with his feet, arm, and mind, but there is some missing element, some invisible particular about his resume, that leaves him unqualified for a status of greatness. While I know your defense of him will be biased, I want an Eagles fan to give us the inside scoop on Mediocre No. 5.

The other two things about this team are different but similar: Brian Westbrook and Andy Reid. Sixty percent of the time, they're great all the time. The rest of the time, the tailback's hurt, or overworked, and the coach -- I like the guy, but he just can't seem to catch a break anywhere. My question, then, is this: Do the Philadelphia Eagles have all the right things in place to be an elite squad? It seems like they've had the right things for most of this decade, but, you know -- shit happens, I guess.

How about the receiving corps? They were trying to unload someone -- Hank Baskett? -- to make roster room for Jeff Garcia last I heard. What's the latest development there? I haven't looked at the depth chart, but who, exactly, are the one-through-three route runners? I know about DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin. What's the story with Kevin Curtis? Didn't he rupture a spleen or something last year?

Were you pleased with the Garcia signing? Are the Raiders as dumb as I think they were by letting him go?

J.U.: I was surprised that D-Mac wasn't included on your top 25, and in fact did express my displeasure. I guess I can see it either way when you talk about a QB that has the tendency to run risks being injured. Let's not forget that his last two significant injuries (this year and 2006) have occured on late hits. Just had to throw that in there. The missing element keeping him from greatness is jewelry. The man needs a ring. He will never be labeled as "elite" until he hoists the hardware. Up until a few years ago when the Eagles signed T.O. (which about gave me aneurysm) they never had a playmaking receiver. Philly also has always had a pretty suspect O-line. Given those lovely stats, #5 has a career 29,000 yards, a 196-91 TD-to-INT ratio, and a passer rating of 85.8. Not too shabby in my book. By the way, I have some love for Brodie as well.

Yes, the Iggles do have (and have) had what it takes to be an elite squad. It's no surprise if you ask any Philly fan what keeps this team from winning the big gamep Play calling. I love Fat Andy. Great coach, never places blame, takes the heat. But, he is way too pass-happy. I believe it's been a near 65-35 pass-run ratio over the Reid reign. Pretty staggering number.

They did fish Hank Baskett in the trade market, with no takers. He got cut, and signed by the Colts the next day. D-Jax, Curtis, Maclin, and Reggie Brown are the main WR targets for McNabb. Very young and fast receiving corps. Exciting to watch. I look forward to seeing all of these young dudes develop. Jury is still out on Kevin Curtis. After his 200-yard receiving game against the lowly Lions in 2007, he garnered alot of attention. Since then, he has been nothing more than a possession receiver, - poor man's Wes Welker. He runs horrible routes, with better-than-average hands. Uber-quick, especially for a white guy. And yes, he did rupture his spleen last year. Ouch!

I was shocked the Raiders cut Garcia. Although I shouldn't have been. Seems pretty much par for the course with the Gay Guys in Black. Fuck Al Davis. He can have JaMarcus "Fat Bastard/Wish I Could Complete A Pass" Russell. I'm elated they cut Jeff and Philly signed him. Great to have him back in Green. All he did after Donovan went down in 2006 was guide the team to win their last 5 games, three of which were division opponents on the road. Not an easy task in the NFC East.

B: Those are all fair takes. What do you know about this Kolb kid? I trust you watched Sunday's game. I did not, and I haven't even seen highlights or stats. I seem to recall him throwing a few picks, but I hear Fat Andy was mostly pleased with his performance. What'd this kid do at Houston? Was he decent? Naturally, the story everyone wants to make out of this game is Ookie's re-instatement. It's been made clear that he won't start. It's also been heavily speculated that he'll get in the game in some fashion.

Tell us, please, your thoughts when you first heard that the Eagles had inked Ron Mexico. Tell us how you feel about his existence on the roster with Donnie ailing, and tell us, if you would, where you imagine his game level to be. That is, same Vick that last donned a Falcons jersey, or rusty from not playing live snaps and being subjected to the prison showers?

J.U.: Well, for some reason the franchise has a massive hard-on for Kolb. He's the QB of the future. Playing time has been limited, but when he has made it in the game it's been disasterous. I will say that he does look improved after getting all the 1st team reps before the Saints game. He did show that he is capable of maintaining a drive. Most importantly, Kolb made better decisions. Getting rid of the rock under pressure. In the past, Kevie would take the sack and more often than not fumble. Kolb did have a great college career finishing with 85 TDs playing for the pass friendly U of Houston.

First initial thought with the Ookie signing was "Why?" After thinking about it what was there to lose. He's not getting paid much. He still has wheels. The Wildcat O is the new trend. The early report is that Philly has nine plays that involve Vick, none of which he lines up under center. I'm thinking that he will play in a few games before he takes direct snaps to allow him to readjust to NFL speed. I doubt he will make a game-changing play against KC. But, all eyes will be on him while on the field. Maybe as a decoy? We'll see.

Don't kid yourself. You know he was getting the preferential treatment in the pokie. No doubt he was getting quality time in the weight room by himself. He seems to be in good shape physically, so all rust will be mental. I have the upmost confidence that the coaching staff will have Ooks ready for battle.

B: Okay. Let's, for a minute, broaden the scope. I trust you saw She-Li and the Giants handle Dallas Sunday night. If you watched Washington/St. Louis, well, I feel sorry for you. What are your thoughts, though, on the rest of your division? When I speculated last year that Philly would wind up at the bottom of the NFC East heap, the Redskins team looked as if they wouldn't lay the egg that they did. This year, however, Washington is looking kinda crummy. How do you envision these standings will shape up? Who finishes with what record?

What about the AFC West? Is this the Chargers' division to lose? Will Denver surprise some folks and win a few more games than expected? Do the Chiefs improve upon last year's 2-14 mark? What about Oakland? Super Bowl champs with JaMarcus Russell as MVP?

J.U.: All the teams in the division will beat the tar out of each other the rest of the season. I see the Giants winning with a record of 11-5, Eagles 10-6, Dallas 9-7, and the Skins 7-9. Philly gets the wild card again and has to prove they belong by winning playoff road games.

I don't know what to make of the AFC West. The Chiefs schedule the first half of the season is down right brutal with all 4 NFC East team on consecutive weeks. Still I believe they should turn it around somewhat and finish with at least 5 wins. In the end the Chargers eek out the divion by a game over the Donks. And the Raiders, hmmm...Their D has been pretty impressive thus far. But, with my boy toy J-Marc, they will also finish with 5 Ws.

B: Alrighty, then. We'll narrow it back down: Give us your prediction on this weekend's game? Chiefs by seven touchdowns? And to broaden once more, how about your picks for divisions, playoffs, and championship games?

J.U.: All righty, my good man. First, I will give you me season predictions. AFC division winners: San Diego, Indy, New England, Baltimore. Wild cards: NY Jets and Pittsburgh. NFC division winners: NY Giants, Minnesota, New Orleans, and San Fran. Wild cards: Philly and the Atlanta. AFC Championship: Baltimore over Indy. NFC Championship: Iggles over New Orleans.

Now the prediction you've been waiting for. Taking in to account the fact that there is a two percent chance D-Mac plays in this game, I will give a slight QB edge to Le Chefs. Westbrook again is banged up with the same ankle injury that kept him from playing in the pre-season. Expect heavy doses of rookie LeSean McCoy. Slight RB edge to LJ and the Chiefs. Both teams have young, athletic receivers, but a heavy edge for Philly (sorry Bobby Wade!). Defense is a no-brainer.

With that being said, I have a feeling that Kevin Kolb will throw a pick early and be yanked by halftime for veteran Jeff Garcia. Also, Mike Vick gets a few carries and a reception. I will consume 8 Miller Lites, 1 shot of Southern Comfort, and eat a 10-inch Will Shields pizza form the comfort of my barstool at the 810 Zone located in the picturesque KC Plaza.

Final score: Eagles 27- Chiefs 13

B: Interesting. I'll say 20-17 Eagles. Thanks again for your time. We'll do it again soon.
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Baseball in the Daytime: The First Day of Fall

We're down to the last eight or nine games of the regular season for most teams, and this is where the shoestrings must be tied tight, the eye black painted thickly if your day baseball has implications of October in it. There's but one game on tap today. Details after the jump.

Philadelphia @ Florida, 3:10 Central: Today's lone feature contains the N.L. East first-place, and still defending-champion Philadelphia Phillies and the Florida Marlins. A pair of righties are your starters today, and they're a pair with great numbers on the season. Big Joe Blanton goes for the Phils. He's 10-7 with a 3.97 earned-run average. Okay, not great, but good. His counterpart, Josh Johnson, has won 15 while only losing for, averaging 3.01 earned runs per contest. The Marlins still have a chance to get into playoff baseball, but they'll need to play near-perfect baseball. As of today, they, along with Atlanta, sit five games back of the Rockies, and they have the four-games-back Giants to leapfrog in the Wild Card race. Today's match, available for viewing on DirecTV 732 (heard on XM 185) gives Florida one of their best shots to gain some ground, as they'll play two today with Philly. Jamie Moyer and Anibal Sanchez are slated to start game two.

Other N.L. standings news includes the St. Louis Cardinals 10 ahead of Chicago in the Central, while the Dodgers hold a five-game lead over the Rockies. In the American League, Los Angeles is eight games in front of the Rangers in the West, New York has five games over Boston in the East, and Detroit's Central lead has been whittled down to two and-a-half games. Minnesota has nothing but division road games left: two more with the White Sox, a three-spot with the Royals, and a season-closing visit to Detroit, which should be nothing shy of fantastic. Thw Twins have won five of six, while the Tigers have dropped six of their last 10.

That's the day-baseball news for now and I...am...outta here.
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Baseball in the Daytime: Dualing Reacharounds

It's the last week of August which means baseball games that take place in the daytime will be coming to a close, which is sad, really. Day baseball is glorious, and when it involves mostly bad teams wrapping up four-game series, well, it's even gloriouser. Today there are two reacharounds on tap, and surprisingly, they're both rubber matches. Enjoy them while you can because September means pennant races, prime-time baseball, and less focus on bad baseball, ideally. Normally Old No. 7 is your reacharound expert, but he's a bit tied up this morning, what with all of the Sunday reaching around in which he usually engages. I could write more sentences, and try to use the word "which" a few more times, but let's skip that notion, and get to today's slate, post-jump.

Philadelphia @ New York, 12:10 Central: A lefty by the name of Cliff Lee seeks win number 12 on the season today in New York. He'll do battle with righty Bobby Parnell of New York, who, like his Los Mets counterparts, is not very good. New York could settle the series with a win today, which would not really help their case -- 15 1/2 back -- that much. Philly, however, could use the extra cushion as Atlanta's a half-game notch over the six mark behind them. Catch all the thrills nonetheless on DirecTV 721 if you're watchin', XM 183 if you're blind.

Milwaukee @ Washington, 3:35: Our second contest pits two righties against one another. It's Yovani Garllardo for the Brew Crew, Collin Balester for the Nats. Much like our first contest, the visiting starter's looking to tally his dozenth win of the season, while he who toes the slab for the home team, is, uh, not good. Milwaukee's hopes of a wildcard race have faded quickly. They've dropped to fourth in the N.L. Central and are nearly 11 games behind St. Louis. Washington, on the other hand, really wants Bryce Harper. Catch this tilt, if you must, on DirecTV 722 or 723, or have a listen on XM, same station as Philly-New York.

That's all the reacharound one man can handle for a Monday afternoon. Enjoy.
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Historically Speaking: Seen Yer Rye Tir

Every once in a while, the news moves me. On most of those occasions, that news is coming from the sports section of a newspaper or a Web site. I woke this morning, and before I'd had my first sip of coffee, felt the peculiar mix of multi-faceted tears well in my eyes. And that came from reading Joe Posnanski's column in The Kansas City Star. Funny thing is, I'm typically so devoid of regular news consumption, that I can't compare the feeling to, well, anything. It's an odd situation, in that there won't be a massive hole, per se, but I don't know that tomorrow, or any day hereafter, I'll ever open the paper again in the same way.

But let's not get too sappy. There's more boring stuff to read, post-jump.

* We go back to 1921 and celebrate a marriage of Steak and Cheese to Pedophiles-- I mean pierogies, as the first play-by-play broadcast of a baseball game was done. Harold Arlin had the honors in calling the Philly-Pittsburgh contest.

* In 1955 on this day, White Sox Manager Marty Marion gave second baseman Nellie Fox the day off after 274 straight starts. Following his brief respite, Fox would start another 798 consecutive games.

* Today in 1967, professional football in America saw a first as the Denver Broncos beat the Detroit Lions 13-7, marking the first American Football League victory over an NFL team.

* The year was 1979 when MLB's Hall of Fame opened the doors to three new inductees: Hack Wilson, Warren Giles, and a fellow by the name of Willie Mays.

* Twenty-nine years ago today New York Met Doug Flynn tied an MLB record as he cracked three triples in one game.

And your Sports Illustrated quote of the day came from the mouth of...



...former Cleveland Browns offensive tackle Doug Dieken who, in 1984, was asked how he imagines he'll be remembered post-retirement. His response: "Holding...No.73."
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Baseball in the Daytime: 4-8--09

Ultimately, this BitD chair is usually occupied by a wiser, craftier baseball muse than myself, but you, fair reader, are stuck with me until Old No. 7's kid has obtained his first official position in the city council. Or at least until he's driving, and believe you me when I say that if Jackson follows Cecil's lead, you and I are in this one for the long haul, so you may as well get used to my witless droning, my American League bias, and my PBR farts.

More importantly, there are a few games on the slate today, and they're kind of AA-ish in that they're all National League matches (Editor's Note: cocks cheek, offers gassy emission), but there's some value to tuning in today, as we have the opportunity to see if the Phils get swept, and we can weigh in on who's who in the West. So take note, your schedule is a click away.

Nationals @ Marlins, 11:10 Central: This tilt in Miami is our only pre-nooner today, and it features batter's-box chicken-shit Daniel Cabrera for the visitors, and he'll take on former first-rounder Chris Volstad and the home squad in this battle of righties. Tune in (Tokyo) to this one on DirecTV 721 if you're a Nats fan, 722 if you feel for the fish. Or XM has it on the ever-popular 183.

Braves @ Phillies, 2:05: Javier Vazquez and Joe Blanton, who may or may not look like a fat, racist truck driver from Birmingham, are your starters in game three of this series, one in which the defending champs have yet to obtain a W. It's another duel of right-handers, and you can view it on DirecTV 723, or put an ear to a speaker at XM 184.

Rockies @ D'backs, 2:40: And for our third match of the afternoon, we finally get some left-handed action, as Franklin Morales meets Doug Davis in the desert. In the rubber match of this trio of games, Morales must impress, or, allegedly, he may slip out of the rotation, and his challenge is not an easy one against the one-time strikeout machine Davis who saw limited action last season as he battled thyroid cancer. This is a tough one -- found on DTV 724, 725 or XM 185 -- to predict, but I gotta imagine that the team with Seth fucking Smith on the roster gets the nod. Word on the street is that it's only a matter of time before this guy explodes. Hell, newbie Fort Collins Cosmic Underdog has already signed him in our fantasy league, which counts for something. Right?

Whatever. Enjoy the afternoon, and remember to actually do a little work while you're filling in your scorecard.
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Now That's A Professional Athlete

Earlier in the week I bagged on new Bronco Correll Buckhalter for allowing himself to become entangled in a drug dealer's legal proceedings. "C-Buck," as the under-40 tool contingent at Invesco is bound to call him, was heard on wiretaps ordering up vials of green, and the dealer told a cop he sold to the erstwhile Eagle.

While Buckhalter is not charged in the trial, prosecutors will never hesitate to drag the name of a quasi-celebrity into court. It gets the prosecutor's name in the paper as well.

So the alleged dopeslinger testified yesterday, the splendidly labeled Styles N. Beckles. Styles stymied the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania when he denied all the shenanigans to which he'd previously copped. Specifically, Styles took a hard 180 when asked about sourcing Buckhalter with his ganja.

Sounds like a few of Pat Bowlen's benjamins made their way into an unmarked envelope on the outskirts of Philly. I, for one, could not be prouder.

This is how pro athletes are supposed to operate. You pay off people that can embarrass you. There are many, many red-eyed Buckhalters out there that we never hear about. Why? Because an arrangement just like this is made--you take the fall, you get paid, I stay out of the few remaining newspapers still operating.

This is why Barry Bonds is still a free man. Greg Anderson will someday live a life of luxury, once he's freed from his incarceration. If Travis Henry had a brain in his head, he'd have actually paid his hush money child support and the news of his rampant insemination might have stayed underground.

This is Big Time behavior, Buckhalter. Bronco Nation applauds your resourcefulness.
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Saturday Studmuffins: Pittsburgh Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin

Were in not for the Iron Triangle's obsession with the professional football clubs in both Kansas City and Denver, Mike Tomlin might very well have taken up a giant amount of cyber column inches here in the House of Georges. And I'll tell you why. We love football. Some of us get erect for some college football action. Some of us flip through the channels while the various games are on. All of us love the NFL. We have said countless times in here that it's far and above -- and I think most of American sports fans would agree -- the best professional sports league around. Has been for years. On the occasions that our teams are eliminated from, or in some cases don't qualify for, post-season contention, we watch the other games pretty religiously. They're exciting, educational, and sometimes offer bandwagon opportunities. Sometimes they're very painful.

For example, last week's Chargers/Steelers contest was an ugly one for Old No. 7, and I would imagine for Cecil, too. They both have very recent reason to loathe both clubs. They hate the Whale's Vagina, and they don't take kindly to Terrible Towel wavers that invade their stadium and win, especially if it's for a conference championship. Now, I found myself in creep mode from late season up until midway through the post-season: I wanted teams I didn't like to knock off teams I hated, then for the teams I didn't like to lose in the next round. Well, now we're down to teams I don't really have much of an opinion on. I'll elaborate:

1) I'm pulling for the Buzzsaw. This franchise might've turned things around, but for decades, they've shown us that they never will. It's quite possible they'll never get another shot if they don't do it now.

2) I've been a bandwagon fan of Philly teams for about ten years. I'm done rooting for the Eagles, though. As far as I'm concerned, they're up their with the early-90s Bills. There should be a picture of their logo next to "mediocre" in the dictionary. Just fucking lose and go home, already.

3) If there's one team I hate the most in the final four, it's Baltimore. I think it has to do with Art Modell and Brian Billick. Frankly, I think those are two of the biggest pricks in the NFL in my lifetime, and by that I don't mean to say that I've stood at the urinals next to theirs. Plus, as much as I've always admired their defense, their offense has almost always been a joke. You know, I get that you want to build a championship defense, but tilt the equation the tiniest bit so that you can be half a notch above managing the game when you have the ball. Plus, I really thought Tennessee was going to win last week. My bet is that the Steelers absolutely smoke the Ravens.

4) This brings me to my point. When Old No. 7 wrote this post, it was kind of defining yet kind of a shame.

It was defining in that the very first suggestion of his was to make this blog the black coaches blog. We probably recognized how scarce material would be, and moved on. It was kind of a shame because his piece The Ten Worst Black Coaches In NFL History was a priceless gem. It was original in thought, and funny, in that side-splitting kind of way. The best part about it was that it was based on facts, absent of racism. He now calls the piece "hopelessly outdated." I disagree.

There were names in this post, some of which included Tony Dungy, Art Shell, Dennis Green, Herman Edwards, perhaps even Lovie Smith and Marvin Lewis were on there. I don't remember all 10 names, and the fact that this thing vanished into the black hole of some fantasy-baseball message board really pisses me off. It doesn't matter, though. I can't really say what the author's point (if anything beyond humor) was in writing it. I had one as a reader, and it was this: For every ounce of criticism thrust upon football for not having enough black coaches, for every minority-candidate regulation the league creates because of said criticism, there are 100 ounces of evidence showing that, for the most part, black coaches are pretty darn bad.

Hang on a minute. I know what you're going to do. You're firing up your Power Point presentation on the Bloach Bukkake that was the Lovie/Dungy Super Bowl. I'm asking you to sit tight. The NFL was formed in 1920. Now, I don't know who to deem the official first African-American head coach in the NFL. If it's Fritz Pollard, then he became such in 1921. One could say that it's Art Shell, and probably have a better argument. In 1989, Shell was hired, and a few short years later, Green was on the scene. Both those guys, despite stigmas attached to them in recent years, were pretty darn successful. Shell made the playoffs in three of his seven years coaching. Green made it eight of 13 times. Green also made it his first three consecutive years, appearing in two conference championships to Shell's one.

Fast forward to 2006. Expect ludicracy and accusations.

I think the hype over Super Bowl XLI was really unfortunate. Prior to that year, no bloach had ever made the Super Bowl, or obviously won one. But cue grand ol' 2006, and lo and behold, there's one representing each conference, a guaranteed winner, a day to remember for centuries to come. Not only have we never commemorated any other fill-in-the-blank American for being the first of his heritage to make the Super Bowl, we never will, and that's a problem, but not one I'm going to explore today, or probably ever. But God in heaven shower this racist land with fiery bolts of torture if we don't mention the AA factor a solid 1700 times minimum. My point, though, is that those two guys, just because they made the big game, aren't necessarily the best bloaches ever. They are in fact, pretty darn choketacular when it comes to huge games.

Let's have a look at that post-season:

AFC
On the last Sunday of the regular season, Kansas City had to win at home, they needed Tennessee to lose at home to New England, the Steelers to beat the Bengals in Cincinnati, and they needed the 49ers to beat the Broncos in Denver. They also needed six point three winning Lotto tickets, nine rabbits feet, and a bowl of Lucky Charms with chocolate milk in it. They got it, and the Chiefs travel to Indy to face the Colts. This is basically Herman Edwards, in his first year in KC, backing in to the post-season with Dick Vermeil's team, and he, in true Gannon-Grbac fashion, ruins any chance of winning by benching the hot hand, and starting the still-woozy-from-concussion Trent Green. Not only do the Chiefs -- who netted eight points in that game -- not get a first down until the third quarter is halfway over, but Edwards, Dungy, and Smith are spotted dining with one another the previous evening. Heard from a neighboring table at that restaurant was, "After tomorrow, you gon' owe me one, Tony."

I might've made that up, but plug Denver or Tennessee into that contest, and you've got a better team and a better coach, making the road a much different one for the Colts. A week later they travel to Baltimore and face a Ravens team that actually manages to score fewer points than the Chiefs did against the Colts. In the conference championship, the Colts finally have a worthy opponent in Tom Brady and the New England Patriots, a quarterback and a club that had historically owned Peyton Manning and the Colts. In an amazing game, Dungy's club gets the edge by four, and advances.

NFC
In the Nobody Freakin' Cares side of things, the Saints knock off the (as mentioned) always choketastic Eagles by a field goal in the Wildcard round, while the Seahawks, courtesy of the infamous Romo blunder, advance past Dallas to face the Bears, only to lose by a field goal. The Bears of course make easy work of New Orleans, bringing us to the championship Bloachfest known as the Dungy-Smith showdown. Obviously, there are unique circumstances in every game, especially in the post-season. I'm of the opinion that the road paved by destiny for that Super Bowl was one of bizarre fate and circumstance, leaving an asterisk on the legend of the black-coach page in history's annals. And I wrote all of that to say this:

Mike Tomlin is the real deal.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are the most well-rounded, tough, physical team the NFL playoffs have seen in a long, long time, and I seriously doubt that any of these three other teams left could stop them if they faced them head to head. For this, I give Tomlin all of the credit.

Of course he inherited a great Bill Cowher-coached team, but he has followed that course of success and created a monster. Old No. 7 once said that Tony Dungy is one of the best Monday-Saturday coaches in the history of the game, but come Sunday he's somewhere beneath mediocre. Seven is also steadfast in the theory that an excellent quarterback is crucial to winning championships, and I don't disagree with him there. Thus, with Manning under center -- which all but makes an offensive coordinator obsolete -- Dungy appears to be great. Naturally, numbers don't lie, and Dungy's record is beyond impressive. Between Tampa and Indianapolis, he made the playoffs 11 of 13 times, won six division championships and a Super Bowl. He retired with a 139-69 record, though a 9-10 post-season record.

Through five years, Lovie Smith is 45-35, with two division titles and a conference championship. He is on pace -- were he to coach as long as Dungy -- to win fewer games and lose 30 percent more than Dungy. Tomlin has been a head coach for two seasons. He is 22-10, and batting 1.000 at division championships. He's on pace to shatter Dungy's record of what you might call the winningest black coach in NFL history. He has all the makings of an excellent coach: an impressive record, a balanced team, talent, sideline poise and enthusiasm, plus gameday smarts mixed with situational intelligence. I posit that no black coach to date has matched that arsenal.

Like I said, though, I'm pulling for Arizona, since they're the sleeper/Cinderella, and I appreciate how tough their defense has played through two rounds of playoff football. Should something besides a Steeler championship occur, I won't feel bad for Tomlin. I have a hunch he'll be around for a long while, and go down in the books as the best bloach in our lifetime.
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Philadelphia Phillies, 2008 World Shenanigans Champions

Let's cut through the crap. I had a handful of teams I was rooting for this baseball post-season. I wanted the Brewers, then the Dodgers, and finally the Rays, lots of October 2008 losers. On the other hand, I have a couple of close Philly fans, and I know they've suffered through a lot of non-championship years, so I've always felt for their pain, and I'm happy for them now. But this three and-a-half innings of baseball was complete crap at home. I watched Bud Selig and company's post-rainout presser Monday night, and I thought they did the best they could've in those circumstances. If you call off the game and it doesn't rain, you piss off and inconvenience a ton of people. So the continuation of the game didn't happen last night, causing this thing to linger for 48 hours, and people did a lot of talking about it. And I listened.

I spent some time in the car today and yesterday. All the local and national sports talk guys were talking about two things: one was calling the game off after the Rays tied it in the sixth Monday night gave the Rays the advantage. They're down three games to one, they're down 2-0 when the weather gets ugly, and they manage to scrape together a couple of runs and tie the thing. Selig claimed Monday night that no team would've ever won the game by the beyond-five-innings, rain delay/game over rule that occasionally happens in the regular season. That seemed to miff a lot of folks. Baseball people didn't seem to realize that that rule had been changed a couple of years ago to prevent such an occurrence in the post-season. I think it's a good rule; you don't want a championship determined by a rainout.

Forty-eight hours, though is a lot of time for people to talk, a lot of time for people to read, and a lot of time for people to think. This is what I think:

1) First and foremost, hats off to the Phillies for coming out of the gates swinging, and congratulations to them for winning it all. I don't want to take anything away from them; it's the league and the umpiring that I question.

2) The other thing the talk radios spent much of the past two days talking about was the strike zone in this series, how it changed, and how outright inconsistent it was. I didn't see but half of this series, and the part(s) I did see somewhat resemble those claims.

3) Having said that, I was curious how tonight's game at the plate would be called, simultaneously not altogether convinced that there was some home cooking simmering on the Citizens Bank Park stove. Now, having watched those innings of tonight's game, I am.

4) It is indisputable that the strike zone was dissimilarly called for each club in this evening's contest. In my mind the strike zone has always been above the knees to the bottom of the letters on the chest, and of course, from one side of the plate to the other. Each ump calls his game different than the next, but never have I seen an ump call strikes and balls so differently between the tops and the bottoms of innings in one game. If the pitches delivered to Tampa tonight were low and inside, they were (for the most part) strikes. Low and inside for the Phillies? Balls. Same with the outside corner. Strikes when the Phillies were pitching; balls when the Rays were.

5) By the time the top of the eighth and ninth innings were around, Tampa knew they had to protect the plate, and perhaps swung at some pitches they otherwise wouldn't've. Sure, they answered the bottom-of-the-sixth run with a solo homer, and they put guys on base once or twice to try and counter Philly's fourth run, but they could not. Perhaps the argument ends there: "they could not."

It seems to me, though, that some secret hovering force in the closets of Major League Baseball felt bad for putting Philadelphia in the situation of letting the game get knotted up in the sixth on Monday. It seemed to me that if these fans saw their club lose tonight, and saw the series go back to Florida, it might be tilted in Tampa's favor to really get back in this thing. And finally, it seems to me that there was a bit of a tender heart for the city that has so long suffered a championship drought.

Therefore, I find it no coincidence that the strike zone was a bit McCain for the batting home team, Obama for the visitors. In the end, I wanted Tampa to win because that would mean good things could happen for small-market baseball clubs. Shucks, the fact that the Rays had this much success this year and made it to the Series means good things can happen for small ball. I just expected a more even playing field for most specifically tonight's resumption/conclusion of game five. From what I witnessed, that did not occur.

It was certainly possible that Tampa wins tonight's contest, and go home to the Trop only to get destroyed in game six. Once the bottom of the sixth was underway, however, that possibility faded into the chilly Philly air.

Again, congrats are in order to the Phillies and their fans. Shame, however, should be cast upon tonight's home-plate umpire.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 10-2-08, The Dawn Of The Bay-Ray Century

What if, dear reader, we look back upon today as the start of something entirely new? The onset of a fresh vision in baseball, an era in which all of the old truths become false--black is white, up is down. All of the traditional powers stink--goodbye Yankees, Red Sox, Cardinals, hello Pirates, Royals, Reds. And hello Tampa, the vanguard of this movement.

Today, for the first time in the shit history of the franchise, the Bay-Rays will participate in a playoff game. The team is stocked full of all sorts of fun baseball goodies. They have deep starting pitching, a lights-out bullpen, first-round phenoms at almost every position hitting their collective strides simultaneously. They are young and they are cheap. It's baseball's perfect storm.

I don't know what they'll do this year--baseball is the hardest sport to project because postseason experience has become meaningless. The '02 Angels, the '05 White Sox, both Marlins champs, none of these teams had that core of vets that had been there. Last year's Colorado club was fresh out of baseball kindergarten yet made the Series. Can Tampa run the table this year? Why not?

I only wonder what happens to this team down the road. Can they keep it together? Will they spend money? Will their fair-weather fans put down the meth pipe and attend games? If so, the Bay-Rays are in the midst of a window of opportunity. Take advantage, man. Today's matinee games, after the jump...

Chicago @ Tampa, Game 1, 12:30 Mountain After their roller-coaster week, in which they had to play back-to-back one-game eliminators to qualify, the White Sox hand the bal to Javier Vazquez at the Trop. James Shields represents the home team, as Manager of the Millennium Joe Maddon matches wits with certified psychopath Ozzie Guillen. Don't miss the action on TBS, home of FrankTV.

Milwaukee @ Philadelphia, Game 2, 4:00 The Phils took Game 1 3-1 as actually fuck this--did you see that Cubs game? Holy Christ. Now they send Big Z up against the Dodgers' best pitcher in a must win Game 2 at Wrigley? Wow. If we have to discuss the Brewers game, here's C.C. Sabathia against Brett Myers. One is deserving of the Cy Young for half a season's work, the other beats his wife on the streets of Boston. Don't leave any bruises, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime (Playoff Edition): 10-1-08

As Dane Cook once told America, there's only one October. And yet, here we are, barely a year later, with another one. What gives, Dane? You're already not funny and all of your movies stink, do you rally have to lie so brazenly?

Perhaps Dane was speaking of that bizarre phenomenon known as Rocktober. There is, almost certainly, only one of those.

And so today we embark upon the odyssey known as the Major League Baseball playoff tournament, in which eight deserving clubs unsheath swords and joust for a chance at the World Series. Because MLB is a money-grubbing whore farm, the games are dispersed according to perceived market value. The good thing is that we get a couple more instances of day baseball. The bad part is the shittiest series goes first. Jump with us, friends, for a preview of the Brewers and the Phillies game. Hell, we'll just go ahead and hype the whole series...

Milwaukee @ Philadelphia Game 1, 1:07 Mountain Playoff time is when all the lightweight morons who don't follow a sport all year show up. They invade your taverns and living room and pepper you with really dumb questions. Here are a few of those questions:

The Brewers made the playoffs? They sure did, although you could more accurately say that the Mets choked on a slightly smaller dick than in 2007. God bless the Mets. Their epic collapses have given us so much. Back-to-back NL East titles for the Phillies. The spunky Rockies edging out the lame ass Padres in last year's one-game playoff. And now, Milwaukee's first appearance in the postseason since 1982, which is a really long time.

I suppose it's worth noting that these Brewers can actually play a little baseball too. They're powered by a young lineup that can hit the ball a long way and also not hit the ball at all. It's almost as if they have nine Ryan Howards. They've got a little speed and they can't play defense. And their closer has been horrible lately. So, what I'm saying is, way to go Mets.

Will C.C. Sabathia start every game this series? It sure looks likely. Sabathia came over in a midseason trade and pitched in an MLB record 54 consecutive games, compiling a 38-1 record with 615 strikeouts (actually 11-2 with a 1.65 ERA in 17 starts). Really, he'll go in Game 2, his fourth consecutive call on three days rest. Brewers manager Dale Sveum is committed to destroying every fiber in Sabathia's arm just in time for him to sign a lucrative free agent contract with the New York Yankees.

Just how dumb is Dale Sveum? Oh, he's really dumb. He became the manager of this team two weeks ago and has lowered its collective IQ by 20 points. Ryan Braun, widely considered the dumbest player in baseball (he matriculated at the University of Miami), thinks that the Brewers have a chance if Sveum is told that the bullpen phone is covered in poison ivy.

When Sveum was the third-base coach under Grady Little in Boston, fans compiled the Wall of Sveum--a list of baserunners sent home who were thrown out by 20 feet. The list was long.

Are you going to say anything about the Phillies? Sure! Keep an eye out for Brad Lidge. He's come a long way from his monstrous home run served up to Albert Pujols in 2005. In fact, he was named Comeback Player of the Year yesterday, and award also known as Man You Used To Suck Really, Really Bad But This Year Not So Much. Lidge hasn't blown a save all year, but if today's game is close, and Prince Fielder comes up in the top of the ninth, and Lidge hangs a slider...all bets are off.

PREDICTION: Phillies in 4. Read more

Midseason Report Card: NL West

What. So it's September. Hardly mid-season. I got it, already. We type (from wheelchairs no less) our content, mail it to a Web-publishing office, who then sends us a draft edit, and we fix stuff, and send it back. It takes time. We promise, though, to have the National League covered by month's end. For real. Anyway, special agent Johnny Utah joins us today, and if you like what he says about America's pastime, then check out what the babealicious Sooze said about the AL Central here, Blanche Feverpiss on the West here, and Rustoleum's slant on the East here. Actually, we don't really care if you liked it or not. We did, and we're not only slow as erosion, we're self-pleasers. Anyway, for the record, our boy Utah is also a fan of exclamation points and all-capping the occasional word.

Bankmeister: First, if you would, tell us a bit about yourself, your history as a baseball fan, and how you've come to embrace the team we all associate with Tommy Lasorda, Steve Garvey, (Editor's Note: I've heard you say before that Garvey is a sore spot since he later went to San Diego, but that's how I'll always remember him, so all apologies.) Steve Sax, Ron Cey, and of course, Fernando Valenzuela. I trust you were well engaged by the 1988 World Series, and I'll assume that since I remember the '81 defeat of the Yankees, that you do, too.

Beyond that, as of today, the Dodgers are a game and-a-half back of the Arizona Diamonbacks (Note: Obviously a few days ago; the reverse is true today.), and if memory serves correctly -- chances are it doesn't, and I'm too lazy to look it up -- that's pretty much been the case since mid-season, give or take a small handful of games. We've got a little over three weeks left in this regular season, and as of today, L.A. hosts Arizona for a three-game series (Note: LA swept that series, 7-0, 7-2, and 5-3). How do you see this division shaking up? If Team Lasorda can't get it done, the Phillies right now have a better record than the Dodgers. I imagine that you're hoping to take the division and rule out the nerve-racking possibility of having to squeak in as a wildcard.

Johnny Utah: Ok, Im a life-long Dodger fan since my father played for them in the 60s and later tried to make a comeback in the Phillies organization. I grew up in Philly watching the likes of Mike Schmidt, but always had the Blue Blood. And yes, Garvey is my boy even though he became a Padre (I still block that out!). The wanker once not only wouldn't sign an autograph for me, but he dropped my pen and wouldn't pick it up! Bastard!

The '88 series was magical for me. I was fresh out of high school and becoming a member of the working force. Man, I remember the Gibby home run like it was yesterday. It was all the sweeter that he hit it off Douche Eckersley. In my opinion, Mickey Hatcher was the MVP of the series but never got the credit. One home run all year, with 2 clutch at bats in the series! Atta boy, Mickey!

Enough with the history lesson; on to the present. It has to be the division or nothing. Ten games out of the wild card would be next to impossible, so nix that out of the equation.

This weekend series is pivotal. Good for me that it takes place in the not-so-friendly confines of Chavez Ravine. I predict the boys in blue take two out of the three and go on to win the division by two games. Why?

First, the Snakes' rotation is totally overrated. The Unit is not what he was. He's not intimidating anymore, although John One Nut Kruk will say different. Brandon Webb has proven in his last two outings that he is not untouchable. He has given up six runs in each of his last two, one of the games in question was to the pillow-bitting Padres. Sit down Webby, you started hot and gave my fantasy team a boost, but...Dan Haren? Gimme a break....

Adam Dunn was a nice pickup, NOT. The friggin guy strikes out more than me at a Victoria's Secret photo shoot! Moot point, just wanted to include.

Why LaLa will take it...

Joe Torre is a really good manager. He has kept Jeff "The Mustache Kent" from causing any grief with teammates. Bonus points there!

The bullpen has proven that even with the loss of Takashi Saito they can shut down the opposition in the closing innings. Kind of a closer-by-committee approach courtesy of Mr. Torre. Chan Ho Park and Jonathan Broxtan have proven themselves in this department.

A quality starting staff: Derek Lowe has been in many a playoff hunt, so there is some experience. Chad Billingsly is going to be a fantasy stud in the next few years, as is Clayton Kershaw. In fact, the Indians wanted Billingsly in a deal for Sabathia, which LA obviously declined. Thank you, Ned Colletti!

The additions of Casey Blake and ManRam: They have both contributed a great deal. Blake seems to come up with key hits in the clutch. Manny always finds a way to get on base now that he is happy with his situation. Even if it is by the ole IBB, he is a strong bat in the lineup the Bums have been missing since Pedro Guererro.

The schedule also points in the favor of LA. More road games, but six against San Diego, six against the Jints, and four at Pittsburgh.

Looming are the fricken Rockies @ five games back. They DID come out of nowhere last year....Not concerned about Jorge DeLa Rosa this year....Matt Holliday would look good in Blue, isnt he a free agent?....I'm just saying

B: Interesting. So, LA has the edge based the non-strength of their remaining schedule, and because the Diamondbacks, are, you say, a tad overrated? Perhaps I can see a shade of that with their rotation, but they've still managed to score more runs than anybody in the division except the Rockies. That means they're either putting some lumber on some seamage, or getting on base and advancing runners, or some combination of both. Therefore, they can remain competitive, even if their pitching is slightly weaker than it looks on paper. Are you feeling confident enough to guarantee an LA division title? Assuming you are, and that that happens, who would you fear most in the playoffs? The Cubs of course have the great record, but they sort of seem to be falling apart right now. Do the Mets pose a threat? How about Milwaukee? They're my dark horse.

JU: Very overrated. They do have the second most runs in the division. However, when they lost the O-Dog Orlando Hudson, they lost a piece of their chemistry. Since he was placed on the DL August 10th, they have seemed to lose steam. I have a lot of love for Steven Drew, baseball's version of Scott Skiles, but he alone won't get the job done. Adam Dunn, as I stated earlier, is a strikeout machine. He is unable to advance runners. Glory hound I say...

With that, I say I'm very confident on a NL West Title. Im trying to stay unbiased, but all signs point to DodgerTown.

Although the starting rotation is shaky, the Phils are the biggest scare. That lineup is fierce. Chase Utley has a career .355 and an OPS of 1.105 against my boys. Russell Martin has been horrendous throwing out runners this year, so Jimmy Rollins becomes even more dangerous. Shane Victorino (who was drafted by LA in '99) finds ways of coming aroung to score. Needless to say, sound fundamental ball is the Dodgers' weakness.

Just advancing to the NLCS will be a victory after the past disappointments.

It will occur, write it down. So says Johnny Utah.

B: NLCS you say? So they get in, win one round of the playoffs, get eliminated, and you're fine with that? I find that hard to swallow. Frankly, I would expect more from someone who's waited 20 years for a Dodger World Series trophy, and even more so for someone who watched a Philly Eagles team come so close for those consecutive years, only to go home disappointed each time.

JU: Geez, Banky. Why do you have to bring Donnie Mac into this?

I'm not saying that I would be satisfied with a one and out. I was just saying that anything less than that would be a huge disappointment. With bringing in Torre, and his ability to manage the team, not winning the division would have Dodger Nation calling for his head.

We Blue Bloods are hungry for a ring! With ManRam, Torre, the pitching staff, and the hot bat of Ethier, it's obtainable.

B: Fair enough, Utah. How do you see the rest of the playoffs panning out, both NL and AL?

JU: For the N.L., I see Dodgers~Phillies in the NLCS, with the Phils winning in six games. In the A.L., I see the Red Sox taking the East, with the Rays getting the wild card. White Sox and Twins tie, with the Pale Hose winning the one-game tie breaker. I'll say the Angels take out the South Siders in the ALCS.

I predict another title for the Angels in five games. They have no glaring weakness.

B: Interesting. No Baby Bears anywhere in the mix? First-round elimination for the best record in baseball?

JU: Not so much; just not sold on the Scrubs (real original I know). I'm not buying this 100 years; it's fate B.S. I hate the Cubs so much that come November I'm writing in Steve Bartman for Prez!

B: Alrighty, then. It's been a pleasure having you with us. If you make it to the Ravine for any playoff ball, be careful. Humberto will find you.

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Baseball in the Daytime: 8-29-08

This is getting old. Cubs baseball, and only Cubs baseball on a Friday afternoon. I mean, I get it -- most teams will sell more tickets when the working men and women have completed their income-related tasks for the week, and can then head out to the American baseball stadiums. Except in Chicago, where the fans are zealots and loons for their Cubbyball, and therefore would sellout a game if it were before nine a.m. Mass on Sunday morning. For the sake of mixing up our own little feature here, though, it'd be nice to have someone else playing daytime ball besides the baby bears. But oh well. It'd be nice to have Kansas City Royals not whining to the media, too, but I guess you can't expect grown men to act like grown men. Anyway, your Wrigley details, after the jump.

Philadelphia @ Chicago, 1:20 (Central): On paper, this looks to be a pretty darn good game. The Phillies are a game back of the Mets, and they'll need every bit of juice they can get from today's starter Joe Blanton, who's 6-12, and sporting a 4.75 E.R.A. They'll need the stuff from him, especially since fellow righty Rich Harden will take the mound in the bottoms of the innings, and he boasts a 9-2 record with a 2.0 (Editor's Note: Two point oh!) E.R.A. Therefore, this game should be entertaining. Blanton's never faced the Cubs, and it'll be a spectacle if Harden can hold off the Philly bats. Catch it Phanatically (722) or Wrigley-style (723) on DirecTV, or crank the XM dial to 185. And if you're not in Chicago, turn to your nearest neighbor, and let 'em know they ought to take you out to the ball game.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 8-7-08

It's Live Attendance Week here at the HoG, as our various staff members have decided to purchase tickets for actual baseball games. Banky took in the Royals' home tilt against the defending champs last night, where his boys got smoked and his one of his key fantasy cogs left with an injury. Cecil and I are scheduled to drop by for the Rockies' game versus San Diego on Saturday with the wives, where I'll watch Greg Maddux pitch live for the first time. And I'm sure Anachro is bunkered at the Los Anaheim Sports Complex scouting his Halos. He's the only one of us that makes the time to regularly watch his team in the flesh, although the duties of fatherhood and husbandry definitely take their toll.

Even if you live in the remote wilderness like I do, I think it's vital to take in at least one pro baseball game each summer. We went to a few spring training contests back in March, which was nice. But I'm talking real baseball, baseball that counts. Although we're discussing the Rockies, Royals and Padres. Never mind on that, let's go to Baseball In The Daytime...

San Diego @ NY Mets, 10:10 Mountain As botched as the firing of Willie Randolph was--and make no mistake, it was botched--it did give the Mets a boost in the short term. They're back to underachieveing, but today's starter is the key to their postseason hopes. If Johan Santana pitches like Johan Santana, that's the edge over the Phillies and Marlins that Los Mets need. Josh Banks is the other guy.

Florida @ Philadelphia, 11:05 Those two teams that New York is chasing in the NL East face off in Philly today, with Chris Volstad and Cole Hamels doing the honors of starting. These Marlins are basebal zombies, they will. not. die. Uggla and/or Ramirez in slumps? No problem. Awful pitching? Who cares? They have the resilience of cock-a-roaches, which Tony Montana can not kill.

LA Dodgers @ St Louis, 12:15 Another day, another closer for the Cards. After Jason Isringhausen battled injury and suckitude, the Redbirds installed Ryan Franklin, who was great. But then Izzy came back off the DL and infected Franklin with his funk, now neither can get an out. Enter Chris Perez, last night's savior. Today? Tune in to find out. Kyle Lohse tries to get a lead to Perez or whomever, while LA's Clayton Kershaw tries not to shit his pants.

Washington @ Colorado, 1:05 & 4:00 That's right, kids, let's play two! Due to last night's torrential storm that forced many residents to build arks, a doubleheader is on tap at Coors this afternoon. The return of Jeff Francis has been delayed, further proof that Mother Nature loathes Canada. Francis faces Jason Bergmann in the opener, while Odalis Perez and Ubaldo Jimenez do the deed in Game Two. Head on down to LoDo and Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: 7-24-08

We've got a trio of matches slated for this fine day of late-July baseball. One of today's games feature league leaders, while the other two tend more towards the bottom of their respective divisions. Of the three, two are of the National League variety, while the lone AL contest features a guy looking to keep up with the Mussinas in the double-digits wins category. I'll give you a hint: he hails from Denver, CO and boasts 1200+ strikeouts in his career. That, and he just might be the cat pictured here on the left, but I can't give away any other details. Find out more on this mystery man after the jump.

Phillies @ Los Mets, 11:10: The first on the docket today is a slugfest between the tied-for-first-place-in-the-NL Central clubs that call Philadelphia and New York home. The Phils send lefty Jamie Moyer to the mound, he of the 9-6 record and winner of his last two starts. His opponent will be the also-southpaw Oliver Perez, who currently sits at 6-6. The Mets took yesterday's contest 6-3, likely angering the Phanatic and all baseball fans in Philly. Check 722 for your Philly DirecTV feed, 723 if you root for Los Mets. XM calls the pitches on 189.

Blue Jays @ Orioles, 11:35: Twenty-five minutes later, 11-win Roy Halladay and the Canadian Blue Jays take on Daniel Cabrera and the Baltimore birds. Both of these righties are on the positive side of .500 for their personal records thus far, and both clubs likely don't enjoy their spots at the bottom of the AL East. The Jays are 10 games behind the Rays, while the O's have another half game to whittle away. DirecTV's got the match on 724, and XM will hook you on the 178.

Capitals at Giants, 2:45: Later in the afternoon, it's a war between the coasts, as two more righties square off in the form of San Fran's Matt Cain and Washington's Tim Redding. Both pitchers have their E.R.A.s above four, and will seek to lower them in the Bay Area. Nats feed over on DirecTV is 725; Giants is one digit higher. XM delivers the broadcast 183-style.

That's what's in store for BitD today. Now get out there and gripe about that strike zone!

(Update: It just occurred to me that this post didn't get published before I left the house this morning -- a.k.a. prior to the start of these games -- which certainly had nothing to do with the fact that I was still drunk when I woke up, which renders this post totally useless. Annoying? I'm in agreeance. I blame Al Gore.)
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Baseball In The Daytime: 6-5-08

Back with a vengeance, this is Baseball In The Daytime. Where we examine the games of the afternoon, when normal people are at work and you and I sneak beer into paper bags.

Today's highlights include the 2008 big-league debut of a once-heralded prospect, the return from crotchital problems of a dude on Banky's fantasy team, and a distinct AL East flavor. The Bombers are in action, the Orioles too, and we conclude the series between the top two teams in the division.

Toronto @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Mountain Dustin McGowan has been one of this season's breakout players, emerging from the back end of the Blue Jays' rotation as one of the AL's better starters. While his record is only 4-4, that's more a result of the Jays' anemic offense. He's really had only one lousy start, a 9-run affair in Cleveland back in May. The month of Way was also unkind to Yankee starter Wang40--he posted an ERA in excess of five and his only two losses of the year. Both try to kick off their Junes in a better way, today at the Stadium.

Cincinnati @ Philadelphia, 11:05 Back in the Show. Baseball's real-life Nook LaLoosh, Homer Bailey, he of the million-dollar arm and ten-cent head, pops up for the Reds today. Once known as the finest pitching prospect in the game, Bailey stumbled through a rough 2007 campaign before falling behind both Edinson Volquez and Johnny Cueto in the organizational pecking order. But it's all about the kids in Cincinnati, what with Jay Bruce mania taking over the city and no one making eye contact with Old Man Griffey. Cole Hamels, a long-haired whiz kid himself, takes the mound for the home team.

Baltimore @ Minnesota, 11:10 At the start of the season, I ran every pitcher in the majors through a series of sophisticated statistical metrics. I wanted to identify undervalued arms for my fantasy draft. My Commodore 64 spit out the usual suspects such as Peavy, Santana and Beckett, but also a handful of hidden gems, like Scott Baker. So I drafted Baker, squeezed a few thoroughly ordinary starts out of him, and all was well.

I hit a bit of a roster crunch in April, though, and needed a sub. I dropped Baker, thinking he was still unknown enough that I could sneak him through waivers and reobtain him later. But then Banky swooped in and grabbed him. Several attempts to trade for him were unsuccessful, and only hardened Bank's resolve. It's as though Scott Baker, he of the 19 career wins and 4.65 lifetime ERA, is the centerpiece of his entire pitching strategery. He's been out a month now with a groin, but returns today to surely lead the Alex Gordon Express to championships aplenty. Garrett Olson gets the nod for the O's.

Tampa @ Boston, 4:05 This oddly-timed afternoon getwaway represents an opportunity for the Sox to sweep and expand their new lead in the East. It's tough running with the big boys, as the upstarts from the Gulf Coast are finding out. Today the Bay-Rays assign mighty James Shields the task of avoiding Boston bats, while Jon Lester gets a similar chore for the white shirts.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 4-17-08

It's a triple-header of National League games at the old ballyards today, so pull up a seat and soak it all in, folks. Just don't forget the SPF 80, it's still early in the season.

Today we're treated to the rubber game of the Ed Wade Showdown and a couple of NL Central clubs shooting for sweeps. We'll also rehash the friendly competition between the InterSpace's two most dominant day-baseball preview features. Oh, it's on...

Houston @ Philadelphia, 11:05 Mountain Ed Wade is about as Brotherly Loved in the City Of as Michael Irvin or Santa Claus. His tenure as Phillies GM ended mercifully in 2005, but his career was resurrected by nutty old 'Stro-wner Drayton McClane. Wade promptly snagged one of his old pet projects in Philly, the preposterously fast outfielder Michael Bourn, who's now leading the NL in steals. Brandon Backe and Brett Myers tangle in this on at Citizens Bank Park.

Milwaukee @ St. Louis, 11:15 The Cards are the toast of baseball once again and own a share of the top record in the NL, 11-4. Following World Series appearances in 2004 and 2006, this was supposed to be a rebuilding campaign for the Redbirds, but what the fungus!? They're winning! A big reason is today's starter, Kyle Lohse, who mysteriously forgot how to suck on his way to Busch Stadium and guns for his third victory of the season versus the Brewers' Manny Parra.

Cincinnati @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Edison invented the light bulb, the phonograph, and the steam-powered waffle-maker, but a young man named Edinson hopes to concoct a new idea at Wrigley today: Hope. Edinson Volquez's Cincinnati Reds are floundering, having lost five straight. They're threatening to make a giant ass out of me for forecasting their breakout this season, and if they don't get to winning I'll be forced to thrust upon you, poor reader, shitty phrases like this: Help Us Edinson Volquez, You're Our Only Hope. Jesus. Your Cubs' starter is pharmaceutical heir Ted Lilly.

Walkoff Walk Watch As of press time yesterday our pals over at the WoW had yet to post their afternoon delight, so we'll break it all down retroactively. There was, of course, only one day game in the bigs, a closely contested affair in which the D'Bags trumped the Giants 4-1.

WoW's Camp Tiger Claw highlighted the contrast between Arizona ace Brandon Webb and Giant mope Barry Zito. CTC, however, was more subtle in his slight:

Zito is, well... if you want to read about how lousy he is, go to every other baseball website in existence.

That's nice. I, conversely, went with a rote breakdown of Zito's crappy stats and bloated contract--damn it! So predictable!

On the other hand, CTC dropped the ball in his opening sentence whe he talked about Webb and Zito's career "arches," which would make a lot more sense if it was "arcs." I, meanwhile, managed to field my position without an error, unless you count my use of the Bermanism "G-Men." Mild faux pas, but I had to dive for it and the official scorer ruled it a base hit.

So the game was tied going into the ninth, and was decided on originality. Baseball In The Daytime, as the genesis of the species, emerged with a nailbiter of a W. Better luck next time, fellas, and Play Ball!
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October Baseball In The Daytime: Rockies-Phillies Game 2

Before we get into a breakdown of today's contest at Citizen's Bank Park, I have a few thoughts about Lou Piniella, the Cubs' loss and pitch counts.

First of all, I wasn't watching that game really closely. It was getting late, I had already seen two awesome games, and I was kind of multi-tasking with TBS in the background. It was very hard for me to take a baseball game announced by Dick Stockton seriously. So I have no idea if Big Z was struggling at all before Piniella pulled him. I just remember looking up and thinking it was odd that Chicago's ace was lounging in the dugout during the seventh inning of a 1-1 game.

And now, everyone's pissed off about it. Rightfully so. Yanking Zambrano after 85 pitches to save him for Game Four in that situation is dumb as shit. Only thing is, I don't think that's why Lou made the move. Carlos Marmol has been fantastic lately, and he was obviously fresher at that point than Big Z. I think it was a calculated move to get his best pitcher for that spot in the game on the mound. Of course Zambrano could have pitched another inning or two, but why sit around waiting for him to tire and/or implode?

Of course, if Marmol did his job this would all be a moot point and the Jay Marriottis of the world would be singing Lou's praises. The thing that raises the most eyebrows is the Game Four Excuse, which I think is a total B.S. job by the manager. It's a smokescreen to draw attention from the fact that Lou (rightfully) does not have full faith in his top pitcher.

And the way that casual fans and commentators throw around pitch counts is ludicrous. Baseball is all about numbers, and certain statistical plateaus. Over the last century and a half, something like a .300 batting average becomes entrenched. If you're above it consistently, you're a great hitter. There is some validity in talking about 100 RBIs in a season, or 300 wins in a career, because those levels represent meaningful achievements that happen to coincide with nice round numbers. They've been around a while and they've stood the test of time.

Enter pitch counts, a stat that debuted in the general baseball lexicon in the last decade. We treat 100 pitches as some sacred number, with no relation to the arm that has delivered them. 100 pitches for Nolan Ryan is way different than 100 pitches for Mark Prior. Everyone loses it when Big Z hits the showers after 85, but if he was at 115, everyone would have lost it had he been allowed to pitch the seventh. Fuck pitch counts--they should be a tool for organizations to monitor players, not dime-store analysts to second-guess strategic decisions.

Does it all matter? Sure, but it's not like the Cubs and their inconsistent offense had much of a shot against Brandon Webb anyway. They simply need Ted Lilly to save their season tonight, which may be almost as preposterous as it sounds.

Back to Philly, where those same casual baseball fans and media types will be baffled by today's pitching matchup. Franklin Morales is your Colorado starter, while Kyle Kendrick is slated to throw for the Phils. Who? I'll tell you who. Morales is the flamethrowing lefty that spent most of the year in Triple-A before heading up I-25 to the big club in August. The Rockies didn't really want to lean on him, but injuries to Aaron Cook and Rodrigo Lopez forced their hand. He's been fairly excellent since.

Kendrick has a few months more experience, but has followed a reasonably similar arc with his club. The Phillies found themselves minus Freddie Garcia midseason and young Kendrick saved their bacon for a while. He definitely sputtered a bit in early August, but he's excelled down the stretch and stands at 10-4 on the year. He's a perfect pitcher for this team, as he eats innings and rarely gets lit, and the sticks do the rest.

Our first pitch will once again occur at one o'clock Mountain on the Turner Broadcasting System and XM 183. One note to Major League Baseball: Fuck You. I paid for a subscription to MLB.TV in April to watch day games in the office, but you're charging extra for the playoffs? Eat a dick. Eat a bucket full of dicks. I'll simply roll to a bar and drink my lunch again. No choice.

And finally, let's talk more about conspiracies, cheating and Colorado teams that can't just win clean. Courtesy of the always-intrepid Buster Olney, here's an interview with the umpire that called Matt Holliday safe on Monday (my favorite part is the last paragraph, where he admits to being somewhat of a drunk). And here's some blatant rumormongering concerning Rockies closer Manny Corpas, who some suspect was doctoring baseballs in Wednesday's win. And I'm sure they steal signs, and distribute HGH openly in their clubhouse, and Clint Hurdle was probably on the Viagra when he banged that hooker in his Philadelphia hotel room last night. Cheers!
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