Playoff Baseball In The Daytime, And Nighttime: First Pitch '09

Today we kick off a little thing known as the Major League Baseball Playoffs. In our minds it seems as though that bubble was burst yesterday, with the Twins' extra-innings win over the Tigers. But that festival of screwup in the Metrodome was merely a regular-season tiebreaker -- today is the real deal.

We've got a tripleheader on tap, with all games broadcast on the TBS. That's right, y'all, no Buck or McCarver until the ALCS starts next week. Our first game includes a heaping helping of local color in the person of your Colorado Rockies, so join us after the jump for today's orgy of baseball...

Colorado @ Philadelphia, 12:37 Mountain Both today's and tomorrow's games in the City Of Brotherly drop at this absurd noonish hour, a direct result of the Rockies' lack of national magnetism. The Philly phaithful are pissed about this, and demand is so light that one can acquire a nosebleed seat to today's game for less than a c-note on the black market.

Ubaldo Jimenez assumes his rightful role as the Colorado ace and Game 1 starter, while midseason acquisition Cliff Lee gets the ball from Charlie Manuel. Both are capable of complete domination, but only one has experience pitching in the postseason. Jimenez was on the staff of the '07 Rocktober club, but Lee was not on the Indians' playoff roster that autumn.

The question marks in Jim Tracy's lineup are found at third base (Ian Stewart or righty-hitting Garret Atkins versus the lefty Lee?), catcher (Yorvit Torrealba played most of September, but Chris Ianetta has crouched much of the last week), and in the outfield (the normal alignment of Gonzalez-Fowler-Hawpe, or a wild card such as Seth Fucking Smith or RH Ryan Spillborghs?). Regardless of the particulars, everyone knows that the Rockies have had a harder time hitting lefties this season (.253/.335/.430 against LHP vs. .264/.346/.445 against RHP), and they will face Lee, Cole Hamels and J.A. Happ in this series. If they can get to the bullpen, however, the Rockies will see almost no southpaws (unless Happ is assigned to relief). J.C. Romero, Scott Eyre and Jamie Moyer are all hurt.

As for the Phillies, they boast a prodigious power-and-speed lineup along with rings from last year's championship. The fact that Colorado's only lefty starter (Jorge De La Rosa) will not pitch in this series to Philly's lefty sluggers (Chase Utley, Ryan Howard and Raul Ibanez) is pretty devastating to the Rockies' hopes.

The deck seems stacked against the Rockies, but Tracy is some sort of voodoo witch doctor. My guess is that he has one more potion in his bag of tricks for these Phillies. SERIES PREDICTION: ROCKIES IN FIVE.

Minnesota @ NY Yankees, 4:07 21 hours after killing off the Tigers, the Twins get a date with the 103-win Yankees at the Stadium. All you need to know about this game is that the Yankees' new park is an absolute bandbox, and the weather forecast calls for 10-40 mph winds blowing out to center. Expect copious home runs, mostly by the home team. Brian Duensing is Minnesota's sacrificial lamb, while C.C. Sabathia starts for the Bombers. SERIES PREDICTION: YANKEES IN THREE.

Cardinals @ Dodgers, 7:37 The late game features two teams that limped down the stretch, but still coasted in thanks to massive division leads. Although the Dodgers have home field here, everyone's picking St. Louis thanks to their Cy Young-y 1-2 pitching punch of Chris Carpenter/Adam Wainwright and their MVP-ish hitting combo of Albert Pujols/Matt Holliday. LA's issues start with their thoroughly pedestrian rotation (Randy Wolf starts tonight opposite Carpenter) and their punchless cleanup hitter (Manny Ramirez, who's hit just one HR since Sept. 9). Try as I might to find a way for the Dodgers to prevail, I just don't think they're very good. SERIES PREDICTION: CARDINALS IN FOUR.
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Let's Play 163: Unexpected, Oddly Scheduled Baseball In The Daytime

Why hello there, disoriented day baseball fan! Just when you thought you'd been cast out for the winter by Bud Selig and his band of goons, along comes a surprise morsel of good times. It's a one-game playoff! In the middle of the afternoon! Sure, it's inside a building, so the only sunshine you'll see will be out your own window. Unless there's a blimp there--I love it when they bring a blimp to dome games. Hey look, there's the Metrodome. There's a game inside, we promise. This footage was most certainly not shot in 1986, swear.

So traipse past the jump, folks, to find everything you could ever imagine about this odd little baseball game. We'll even tell you who's going to win, and give you deep and insightful analysis about the ramifications on the remainder of the playoffs. Actually, that's crap--the Yankees will sweep whoever wins this contest.

Detroit @ Minnesota, 3:07 Mountain We'll get to the pitching and the lineups and the drunken wife-beating and all the other subplots in just a moment. First we have to set the scene. In the words of noted Scottish/Canadian/Rhode Islander poet David Byrne: "And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?"

First off, the Twins simply played their mother-loving asses off this month. On September 13 Minnesota was five and half games behind the Tigers in the AL Central. Since then they've gone a preposterous 16-4, and their only loss to a team other than the Tigers was at the hands of certain Cy Younger Zack Greinke. Over the same stretch Detroit has limped in at 11-10, with only a Justin Verlander win Sunday saving them from a sweep by the White Sox and lasting choke infamy.

Is the Tigers' gag job the worst ever? Of course not. It's not on the level of the 1964 Phillies (6 1/2 up with 12 to play), the '69 Cubs (9 1/2 up in mid-August), or the '78 Red Sox (14 up on July 19 before losing the one-game playoff on Bucky Dent's home run). Hell, it's not even as bad as the Met's collapse in 2007 (7 games up on September 12), although it's worse than what Los Mets did last year (giving up a 3 1/2-game lead with 17 to play). Detroit's gravest shame is blowing a three-game lead with four games to play, something only the 2008 Denver Broncos could identify with.

In the past, the home teams for these one-game playoffs have been determined by a coin toss, which is of course stupid (yet far less stupid than tying home field for the World Series to the All-Star Game). So for 2009 MLB instituted a sensible reform, one which gives the home field to the team with the better head-to-head record. Since Minnesota won the season series with the Tigers, they host. Yet since the Twins also share the Metrodome with the Vikings (for now, baseball-only Target Field opens in April) and the Vikings had Favrepalooza scheduled for last night, we play today. Got it? Got it.

PITCHING: Rick Porcello (14-9, 4.04 ERA, 4.42 K/9, 1.62 K/BB) v. Scott Baker (15-9, 4.36/5.37/2.29)

The Twins have a decided advantage here--Baker is unquestionably their ace and has been stellar in the second half with a 3.30 ERA. Porcello has been the Tigers' third-best starter in this his rookie campaign and has tired considerably as the season has gone on. He's 20 freakin' years old.

With the Favre-induced day off yesterday, both bullpens are at full strength. Plus, it's all-hands-on-deck time, so if either Jim Leyland or Ron Gardenhire need to throw a random starter in to advance they will. Like I said, the winner gets an automatic sweep at the hands of the Yankees, so who gives a shit?

HITTING

When Justin Morneau went down with a back injury September 14, it was presumed by many, including yours truly, that the team was toast. Of course, Morneau's convalescence almost exactly coincides with the Twins 16-4 season-ending hot streak, so it's possible that his teammates really, really dislike him. His is Canadian, and therefore surely a pompous asshole with a stupid accent and liberal ideas. Michael Cuddyer has stepped in at first and basically turned in to Lou Gehrig. Former deadbeats like Delmon Young, Jason Kubel and Orlando Cabrera have been ripping covers off baseballs recently, and Joe Mauer is as much of a lock for MVP as Greinke is for Cy Young.

Meanwhile, the Tigers have already decided to pack their bats away for winter. The once-deadly threesome of Curtis Granderson, Carlos Guillen and Brandon Inge is batting .189 over the last week, and then we have Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera, the heart of the Tiger lineup and on the books for $20 mil-plus a year for the next six, had a fun weekend. In the midst of going 0-for-11 with 12 men left on base in the series against the White Sox, Cabrera had the cops called to his house early Sunday morning following a 911 call from his wife. Turns out Cabrera had been out carousing with White Sox players and came home trashed. Tigers fans, as you might guess, are less than fired up about their best player's commitment to winning.

The Only Tiger who's swinging a hot bat is Magglio Ordonez. On the verge of being benched at midseason for extreme suckery, Maggs kicked it into high gear (the cynic in me says it was to vest an $18 million option for next season) and hasn't stopped. Ordonez hit .459 in September and is 9-for-15 with a 1.514 OPS in this brief month.

INTANGIBLES

Neither manager is crappy--everyone in the game admires the work Gardenhire does with his players, and Leyland has skippered three different clubs to the playoffs (we'll once again ignore his disastrous stint in Colorado). The biggest X-factor here is the Metrodome. Words cannot encapsulate how shitty this place is for a ballgame. The fans are raucous and right on top of the players. The roof is white, and so are baseballs. This makes fly balls a circus for visiting defenders, and it all adds up to the biggest home-field advantage in pro sports. In both 1987 and 1991, the Twins won the World Series despite losing every single road game--the Dome's quirks are that pronounced and that much of an edge for the hosts.

PREDICTION

Everything looks like it favors the Twins, so I was absolutely prepared to pick the Tigers. Not just to be a contrarian, but because big games almost never go the way we think they will--this is the main reason sports are awesome. Plus, the day off has to hamper the Twins' momentum a bit, Porcello's a very talented pitcher, and the fact that the Tigers are a veteran club with a veteran manager leads me to believe they'll be able to block out all the shenanigans. But then I heard Leyland bitching about the MNF-induced rescheduling, and I changed my tune. Look, having to play on Tuesday and then boogie to New York is no picnic, and you have a right to be steamed. But airing that grievance ahead of time sounds like making excuses for a predictably bad performance, and it causes me think the Tigers will not show up this afternoon. Let's say Twins 6, Tigers 3. Now let's go Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: el Dos de Rocktober

Well, well, well. The Colorado Rockies, as I'm sure all four of our readers already know, kicked the snot out of the Milwaukee Brew Crew yesterday afternoon, and earned themselves a playoff spot for the second time in three years. Now, if they can knock off the as-of-late pussified Dodgers, they could earn themselves a handsome little division title. They'll get after it this evening, by the way, out at the confines in a tilt that features the 11-6 Randy Wolf and the 14-12 Ubaldo Jimenez. In other playoff news, the Red Sox finally saw enough distance between themselves and the Rangers to squeak in, which means everything's a lock except for the damn A.L. Central. Minnesota took the win yesterday to bring things back to a two-game difference again. They host the Royals today; they'll need to win and get some help from the Ozzie Guillens who visit Detroit. Should be interesting-ish. Your unlighted, non-playoff (playoff?) baseball still awaits, after the jump.

Arizona @ Chicago, 1:20 Central: Billy Buckner and Tom Gorzelanny. One righty, one lefty. Two teams that will say "thanks and see ya'" to 2009 come Sunday. They'll get underway in the Field of Wrigleys this afternoon, and it'll be up to the Baby Bears to try and cool off the smokin' hot Pirates? XM was kind enough to include Rocktober in their schedule, and they'd therefore love it if you listened in to the game on channel 183. The DirecTV Webmasters are obviously not that intelligent.

Enjoy your last afternoon of regular-season day baseball. Go Broncos! Rockies!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 1 October 2009

Buckle your chin straps and fasten your safety belts, because this is the penultimate Baseball In The Daytime of the whole year and it's a humdinger. That was about the most nonsensical sentence imaginable, as you don't wear helmets or seatbelts while watching day baseball. Unless you're mentally retarded, in which case I apologize for my gross insensitivity to your condition.

Also, I believe that at least a few of next week's Division Series games will be played during daylight hours, so I was wrong there as well. WHO'S THE RETARD NOW?

Juvenile insults aside, we truly do have some killer games on the sked this afternoon. We've got a Cy Young race to decide, a possible playoff spot to clinch, and home field issues on the Senior Circuit to untangle. Some teams are rising, some stumbling, some playing out the string, and some trying to build a little momentum for the offseason. Let's get right into the fray, after the jump...

St. Louis @ Cincinnati, 10:35 Mountain The popular scuttlebutt holds that the NL Cy Young battle is a three-man race. Those men are Tim Lincecum of the Giants (who won in '08) and Cardinals teammates Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright. For my money Wainwright's the guy--he's been the most consistently unhittable from start to finish, even though Carpenter and Lincecum have slightly better stuff. It's not wrapped up, however, and a memorable start by Carpenter today could sway some of the spineless chin-strappers that inhabit the Baseball Writers of America. Carpenter's foil today is Cincinnati's Kip Wells.

Of more import than individual awards is the seeding in the NL playoffs. The Dodgers are still on top of the league with 93 wins, but they've dropped four straight to the putrid Pirates and Padres by a combined score 0f 25-7. Philadelphia sits a game behind with 92 wins, while the Rockies and Cardinals are currently at 90. All four of these teams are still in the mix for the top spot, and so every game they play over the next four days is impactful for playoff positioning.

Minnesota @ Detroit, 11:05 Over in the American League, we've got but one spot in the October tournament up for grabs. Someone has to win the Central division, and that someone will be one of the two teams wrasslin' at Comerica today. The Tigers, thanks to last night's 7-2 TKO of the Twins, hold a commanding three-game lead with four to play. A Detroit win behind lefty Nate Robertson means the race is over, good night, please hand in your keys. Should Scott Baker and Minnesota prevail, however, we keep this slugfest alive for at least one more day.

Milwaukee @ Colorado, 1:10 The brooms are out at Coors today, along with whatever symbolic trinketry you smuggle in when you're about to clinch. A boxing glove? A roll of toilet paper? An octopus? I don't know the protocol here. Aaron Cook starts for the home Rockies, who with a win lock down their second playoff berth in three seasons. Manny Parra tries to prevent any celebration on his watch, and you know what? Fuck Manny Parra and fuck the Brewers. We're taking a stand today, and it is decidedly homeriffic in the Centennial State.

With a victory, Colorado can also stay alive for a super-unlikely division crown, which would be their first. Tomorrow the Rox start a season-ending three-gamer at Chavez Ravine versus the free-falling Dodgers.

Arizona @ San Francisco, 1:45 The last of our BitD four-spot features the day's finest pitching matchup, Dan Haren against Lincecum. Haren has gone into his traditional second-half swoon, transforming from onetime Cy candidate to a guy who gives up five a game. Not that I'm bitter, not that I need Dan Haren to show up today to salvage my fading hopes in a fantasy baseball final. Let's throw a few strikes today, fellas, and Play Ball! Read more

Baseball In The Daytime: 30 September 2009

Welcome, boys and girls, to the very last Baseball In The Daytime of September. Tomorrow we hit the month that Reggie Jackson made famous, the month that includes the playoffs--unless of course the World Series goes longer than five games.

Today we're starting off with the front ends of two doubleheaders necessitated by rainouts, and then wrapping up the day slate with a Mets-Nats tilt from DC. Every single team playing today has been eliminated from postseason consideration, these games are beneath meaning. Not even degenerate gamblers or fantasy geeks care--if you're betting on games involving the Pirates, Cubs, White Sox, Indians, Mets or Nats, you're probably also living under a bridge. And if your fantasy team contains players from any of those teams, your season is most likely done.

But hey, let's celebrate the pastime anyway! Joyous previews and sunshiney trivia after the jump!

Pittsburgh @ Chicago Cubs, 12:05 Mountain At least the Pirates are still trying--they took three of four from the Dodgers over the weekend to delay LA's not-quite-inevitable division championship a few days. In the final game of that series Monday, Zach Duke took an 11-0 shutout into the ninth. He yielded a run in that frame, yet one out away from a complete game blowout manager John Russell yanked him.

Look, we keep tabs on the Kansas City Royals in this space, so we know a little something about bad baseball teams and thickheaded management making not-smart decisions. But these Pirates--wow. Just wow. Charlie Morton gets the nod from Russell today opposite Ted Lilly.

Chicago White Sox @ Cleveland. 2:05 The other Windy City failure sets up shop next to Lake Erie this afternoon, as some kid who goes by the name of Carlos Torres dons the uniform of Eddie Cicotte and Horacio Ramirez. Will Torres throw the World Series and/or post a WHIP of 2.50? You'll have to watch to find out, as he battles Fausto Carmona in front of several dozen fans.

Los Mets @ Washington, 2:35 Tim Redding and John Lannan pitch, you decide. That's my little Fox News intro for this game. Take care, folks, we'll see you during Rocktober!
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Baseball in the Daytime: Nine/Two-nine/Oh-nine

Well, well. We're down folks, down to four days left of day baseball, and frankly, we couldn't be sadder about it. Major League Baseball's post-season is shaping up quickly, and most of the division titles have been clinched. In the American League, the New York Yankees boast baseball's best record, and have sealed up the East. The day before yesterday, they demonstrated their happiness by dousing each other with simmering viles of semen bubbly wine and joy. Out west, Los Anaheim has done the same thing. In the National League, St. Louis celebrated Saturday night with a victory over Colorado, one that game them N.L. Central bragging rights. In the West, the Dodgers have qualified for the post-season, but still have one pesky win to earn before they can call themselves division champs. In the East, Philadelphia needs but a pubic hair of a win to call the division theirs. For today's day baseball, however, we go back to the American League Central Division. Details on how Jim Leyland and company just might piss their near-season-long division stronghold away, after the jump.

Minnesota @ Detroit, 11:05 Central: In our lone unit of action this afternoon, Nick Blackburn takes on Nick Porcello in one of the most important (and last) series of the season. Both right-handers are either .500 or better, and both have E.R.A.s just over four. Two games separate these two clubs from a division title; it's there for the taking, and we'll know a lot more at the day's end as these clubs will square off again this evening after being rained out last night. Neither DirecTV or XM has the afternoon tilt listed on their schedule, but I'd nose around for myself if I was you.

Today's contest is one of four between the Twins and Tigers at Comerica Park. Detroit will wrap up regular-season play with a three-game stand against the White Sox. Take an early lunch today and cash in on what will surely be a battle. Enjoy.
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Baseball in the Daytime: The Feisty Two-Four of September

They keep scheduling the day-baseball games, even though the sheer numbers of contests keep dwindling. But we here at the House of Georges, love us our day baseball, so we're gonna keep previewing these glorious matches. If you're not in agreeance with the awesomeness of being at the yard in the sun on a weekday, we might have to box, and if that's the case -- look out. We're scrappy. We mix our Scott Feldman with a touch of Kyle Farnsworth, a spot of Michael Barrett, a dash of Mike Sweeney, and (assuming you're an old, dumpy base coach) a twist of Pedro Martinez. So, go ahead: hit the heavy bag, run a few laps, but before you do, hop past the leap and see if today's matinees don't seem more enticing than losing a fight with us tough guys.

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh, 11:35 Central: We kick things off today with a pair of righties, neither of whom has had a ton of luck on the hill this season. It's Bronson Arroyo (13-13, 4.04 E.R.A.) going for the visiting team, the 4-8 Charlie Morton for las Piratas. Morton's 4-8 with an even five earned-run average. These clubs'll take the PNC Park field today with visions of a better next year. They're 15 and 29 games out, respectively, essentially done for 2009. Listen in if you're so inclined, on XM 183.

Texas @ Oakland, 2:35: The second of two light-free contests today takes place at the Coliseum in Oaktown. Your starters include the 17-5 Scott Feldman for the A's, whose posted an impressive 3.62, and southpaw Brett Andeson for the Athletics, who sits at 10-10 with a 4.21. Oakland is like our previous two teams: done for the season, while Texas can't seem to get over that seven-game distance between them and first-place Los Anaheim. They're also seven games back of Boston for a Wild Card spot, so they'd ultimately need to play mistake-free baseball and maybe even get some help to get in. Hats off to them, though, for putting together an impressive campaign, and congratulations are in order to Mr. Feldman, who, headed into today, actually has as shot at a 20-win year. If you like you some Rangers-A's, 721's your DirecTV dial. If you're listening, it's XM 176.

There you have it. Day baseball at its finest. If you can't get away from the office, plug in the headphones and pretend you're on a really long conference call.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 23 September 2009

Yet again, but one day game highlights our major league calendar. I know the kids are back in school, and these clubs are simply trying to milk every last buck out of the season before shutting down for the winter. But I've got another reason for Baseball In The Daytime: It's cold!

The temperature at Coors Field for last night's Rockies-Padres game was Farenheit 45 at first pitch. By the end of the 11-10 home team win, stalagtites of snot were seen forming on Jason Giambi's handlebars. This is no way to play the game, use the daytime. That's the end of our public service announcement, join us for the game preview (and a little Cy Young political activism) after the jump...

NY Yankees @ Los Anaheim, 1:35 Scott Kazmir starts for Los Angels today, and there's a rumor working the circuit that Kazmir would be Mike Scoscia's choice to pitch Game 1 of the AL Division Series. This is a joke, right? I know that Kazmir has been solid since coming over from the Bay-Rays, and that he's a historic Red Sox killer, but going with Kazmir over John Lackey is cuckoo. Lackey is a horse, the ace of the staff, and a playoff veteran. I never thouhgt I'd call Mike scoscia a dope, but if he goes with Kazmir over Lackey the shoe might fit. A.J. Burnett is your Yankee pitcher, and Joe Girardi is desperately looking for a way to hide Burnett in his playoff rotation. Fun times at the Big A today.

In almost completely unrelated news, I saw a bit on Joe Posnanski's blog (last paragraph) about a gentleman named Patrick Reusse. Reusse is a sports columnist for the Minneapolis Star-Tribune and a part-time radio personality. Apparently while on the radio yesterday Reusse said that Zack Greinke will need to win at least 16 games to get consideration for his--Reusse's--Cy Young vote. I tried to listen to Posnanski's link to the broadcast but couldn't get it to work, so I have no idea about the accuracy of the statement or its context, but I'm still steamed.

The fact that this Reusse would deny Greinke the Cy, after Greinke has posted not only the indisputably best season of any pitcher in the AL but the best season of any pitcher this decade is nutty enough. But to announce to the world that his reason for potentially doing so is that he needs 16 wins (not 20, not 11, not 85, but 16) is completely bonkers. I know awards are stupid, and that they often go to undeserving recipients, but I see a unique opportunity in baseball history here. In the past the Patrick Reusses of the world worked solely for newspapers, and they were insulated from their readers and the world around them. No baseball writer ever discussed his votes for the Cy Young award or the MVP, never. The secret ballot was sacred.

Now, most of your Patrick Reusse types do what Patrick Reusse does, out of survival. They chatter on the radio. They pop up on television. They blog. They work harder more, across more platforms, in order to make a living. As a result, they're forced to come up with more shit to discuss, more than would simply fill three 500-word columns a week. And if they're Cy Young voters, they have a golden fountain of interesting talk-radio fodder. I could care less about the spoken opinions of Pat Reusse, Twin Cities lunchbag sportswriter. But Pat Reusse, Baseball Writer of America Member and Cy Young Voter, let me hear that. That's interesting. Unfortunately, his voting method is idiotic.

So I emailed Pat Reusse, (you can too, preusse@startribune.com) with my feelings about this topic. I was polite, and I didn't call him a moron. If he gives his Cy vote to C.C. Sabathia, however, moron will be the nicest thing I label Patrick Reusse. The email:

Mr. Reusse,

I'm writing in regards to your vote for the American League Cy Young award. It's my understanding that you have gone on the record to say that Zack Greinke needs to win at least 16 games to garner your vote for the Cy. Now it's your vote, and your business what you do with it, but the fact is that you announced to the world some of your criteria for that vote, and I have an opinion about that. I respect you as a journalist and a baseball man, but I think saying that 16 wins is mandatory for a Cy Young season is not commensurate with the spirit of the award.

In your previous Cy Young votes have you imposed this 16-win standard? I wonder where, exactly, you arrived at this figure as the threshold for excellence. Perhaps you have a valid set of standards for doing so that I have missed. I've always been bothered by the rigid adherence to certain arbitrary counting numbers in the game of baseball.

20 wins, for instance, has over my lifetime always been the line of demarcation for a great pitching season--even though since we've set that standard we've changed the number of games teams play in a season from 154 to 162, we've gone from four-man rotations to the current five-, and we've radically altered usage patterns with relief pitchers. Yet 20 wins remains the benchmark for excellence. There's nothing inherently evil with that--20 wins is great, and is in fact significant. But what gets me is that if you don't reach that plateau you're downgraded too severely. Let's say we have three pitchers, and one wins 24 games, one wins 20 and one wins 19. The 24-game winner would be universally applauded, and rightfully so. The 20-game winner would also get many accolades, and probably more Cy Young votes, than the 19-game winner, because he simply notched one more victory. The reason he won that single contest could be that he's much better than the 19-game winner. But it could also be pure luck, more run support, a better defense, a pitcher's park, or any of a hundred reasons why one team beats another on a single day.

Same goes with hitting .300, or collecting 200 hits in a year, or 3,000 hits in a career, or winning 300 games as a pitcher. Doing any of these things requires great skill as a ballplayer, but falling just short sometimes condemns that player to baseball purgatory. In my opinion Bert Blyleven is better than at least a dozen pitchers in the Hall of Fame, yet the fact that he ended his career 13 wins shy of 300 has haunted him. Johan Santana won Cy Young awards in 2004 and 2006, but finished third in the voting in 2005 despite leading the AL in strikeouts, WHIP and ERA+. His ERA was second in the league that year, yet his win total of 16 was tied for fifth. Bartolo Colon won the Cy Young in 2005, despite finishing 8th in both ERA and strikeouts. But Colon led his league with 21 wins, thus trumping an obviously superior season from Santana. All because of a silly adherence to the magical value of 20 wins.

Now C.C. Sabathia will get two more starts this season, and in those he will have a chance to win his 19th and 20th games. Zack Greinke will also start twice more, and it's possible that he could end up stuck on 15 wins. Even if their win totals were to end up with that wide disparity, every other statistical measure says that Greinke is the better pitcher in 2009. Sabathia has the benefit of working for a team that will win over 100 games, Greinke labors for a club that is currently 25 games under .500. Even if you simply throw out all the stats and numbers, just watching Greinke pitch it's obvious that he's on a higher level than Sabathia (or Felix Hernandez or Roy Halladay or Justin Verlander or anyone else in the AL). I would beg you, as a fan of the game of baseball, to reconsider your requirement of 16 wins for Greinke to earn your Cy Young vote. Up to this point he's been the finest pitcher in the American League, and he deserves it.

By the way, I'm not a Royals fan--I actually root for the Red Sox.

Thanks for your time,
(REDACTED)

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Baseball in the Daytime: The First Day of Fall

We're down to the last eight or nine games of the regular season for most teams, and this is where the shoestrings must be tied tight, the eye black painted thickly if your day baseball has implications of October in it. There's but one game on tap today. Details after the jump.

Philadelphia @ Florida, 3:10 Central: Today's lone feature contains the N.L. East first-place, and still defending-champion Philadelphia Phillies and the Florida Marlins. A pair of righties are your starters today, and they're a pair with great numbers on the season. Big Joe Blanton goes for the Phils. He's 10-7 with a 3.97 earned-run average. Okay, not great, but good. His counterpart, Josh Johnson, has won 15 while only losing for, averaging 3.01 earned runs per contest. The Marlins still have a chance to get into playoff baseball, but they'll need to play near-perfect baseball. As of today, they, along with Atlanta, sit five games back of the Rockies, and they have the four-games-back Giants to leapfrog in the Wild Card race. Today's match, available for viewing on DirecTV 732 (heard on XM 185) gives Florida one of their best shots to gain some ground, as they'll play two today with Philly. Jamie Moyer and Anibal Sanchez are slated to start game two.

Other N.L. standings news includes the St. Louis Cardinals 10 ahead of Chicago in the Central, while the Dodgers hold a five-game lead over the Rockies. In the American League, Los Angeles is eight games in front of the Rangers in the West, New York has five games over Boston in the East, and Detroit's Central lead has been whittled down to two and-a-half games. Minnesota has nothing but division road games left: two more with the White Sox, a three-spot with the Royals, and a season-closing visit to Detroit, which should be nothing shy of fantastic. Thw Twins have won five of six, while the Tigers have dropped six of their last 10.

That's the day-baseball news for now and I...am...outta here.
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Baseball in the Daytime: The Day After the Real Mexican Independence Day

Welcome back in for what's basically the only feature we bring you anymore with any regularity. What with the economy in the outhouse, we've had to cut our staff significantly. Gone are the beat writers that brought you Tradition Tuesday, We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday, ThumbTubes & YouNails, and the ol' Fiction Fix. Left are the lazy slouches known as the Iron Triangle. Bummer for you. No big whoop for us, the lazy and uninventive.

What remains, then, is some day baseball, the occasional long-winded feature, and the dying hopes of the Cy Young award going to a young man with a special-mouthed girlfriend. Your day baseball slate, a click away.

Kansas City @ Detroit, 12:05 Central: Heading into last night's game at Comerica, I had a feeling the Royals would lose. It was one of those situations where, having won seven of their last 10, and considering that Minnesota had won to potentially slide up a game on the Tigers, that the Royals typically find a way not to win. My thoughts changed for a minute when they went up 3-0, but ol' Lenny DiNardo couldn't quite make it through the fifth. Tigers four, Royals three. A solid two-plus weeks into September, it's time to fully shift away from Operation Standings Affect and into Operation Avoid One Hundred Losses. Today's matchup doesn't really bode well for that transition, either. I mean, one of the best arms in the American League will be on the hill for Kansas City: Zack Greinke. This second half, in terms of run support, has just been brutal for Stank, though. He's 13-8 heading into today's tilt, and really, could be aiming for win number 20. His E.R.A. of 2.19 is still the best in baseball. Tim Lincecum of Los Gigantes is closest with a 2.30, and only Linc' and Justin Verlander have more K's. Stank's counterpart today, Edwin Jackson, has done well for himself this season. He sits at 12-8, with a 3.22, and has fanned 145 while walking 62. If you're watching, DirecTV 213, 721 are your channels. If you're listening, it's XM 176.

Milwaukee @ Chicago, 1:20: Matchup number two on our day baseball slate is a bit sad, in that in includes two teams from the same division that really could be contending for a Wild Card spot, had their respective trains not derailed last month. There's a mild discrepancy regarding today's starters for the visiting team: The local fishwrap says the 3-5 Mike Burns'll be on the mound in Chicago; MLB's Intranets site says Dave Bush will take the hill for the Brew Crew. If it's Bush -- and we'll assume that it is -- he's trying to work his way back to .500, having won his last two starts. If it's Burns, he'll be looking for win number four on the season, and hoping to whittle away at a a six-plus E.R.A. The Brewers are playing for next year and for pride. Chicago, with six and-a-half games and four clubs in front of them, could still squeak in, but they'd need some light's-out baseball, a wing, and a prayer. The Cubbies look to get that rollin'; Milwaukee's looking for a series split. DirecTV likes this one so much, it's offering three choices: 307, 722, 723. XM felt it was only worth one: 183.

That's your schtick for today, baseball fans. Here's hoping your sticks and rubbers bask in that sun.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 16 September 2009

Today's BitD contains 100 per cent of your daily recommended allowance of calcium, riboflavin and fiber. Possible side effects include blurred vision and upset stomach. If your day baseball game lasts longer than four hours, please consult a physician.

With the fine print out of the way, let's check out the schedule, after the jump...

Cleveland @ Minnesota, 11:10 Mountain This is the last time Cleveland plays in the Metrodome, as the Twins open brand-new Target Field next April. It's not the last baseball game in the Hube, Detroit comes in tomorrow and the season ends with a three-game home set against the Royals. And I suppose that the Browns could still play the Vikings here, so technically it's not the last time ever a team from the city of Cleveland competes in this building. So let's not get all weepy and steal urinals on our way out the door. Aaron Laffey and Nick Blackburn are your scheduled starters.

Florida @ St. Louis, 12:15 The Marlins are still in this thing, by a thread. Colorado's three-game losing skid has left the Fish 4 1/2 out of the wild card with 17 yet to play. It's not inconceivable that they could catch the Rockies, although if they did so they'd probably then have to reel in the Giants as well. So I guess it is inconceivable, and this game is meaningless. Josh Johnson takes the hill for Florida, and if you're an NL Cy Young voter and you don't give Johnson one of your ten spots you are a punk. He's opposed by the one, the only, Joel Pineiro.

Pittsburgh @ LA Dodgers, 1:10 Even though they're still in first, and even though they have a nice lineup, no one is really taking the Dodgers seriously as World Series contenders. Their rotation is kind of a mess, riddled with question marks, and the current consensus is that LA can't matchup with St. Louis and Philly in the NL playoffs. Hiroki Kuroda, one of those question marks, takes on Kevin Hart today in (at? from?) Chavez Ravine.

Arizona @ San Diego, 1:35 Here at Baseball In The Daytime, we like to save the best for last. We like to, but we can't always deliver. I must apologize for our closing afternoon game, because it's cover-your-face awful. It "features" Doug Davis going for the D'Bags and Eduardo Mujica doing likewise for the Padres. These teams are a combined 34 games under .500 and are both on the verge of bankruptcy. Outside of Adrian Gonzalez and Justin Upton, there's not a single player on either roster I'd pay to watch play today. But hey, it's baseball, in a beautiful city, during daylight hours--that ain't bad I reckon. Marshall your courage and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 11 September 2009

Let's all take a moment to remember the 2,998 that lost their lives in the senseless attacks that occurred eight years ago today. Then let's leave work, buy some beer, and enjoy the fruits of American liberty. Baseball In The Daytime--something al-Qaeda can't take away.

Your daily stick of Wrigley, after the jump...

Cincinnati @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 As we watch Dusty Baker's two most recent employers face off today, let's debate: Does Dusty have any clue what he's doing as a manager?

The short answer is no, but we'll get into a longer version of no as well. In two years commanding the Reds, Dusty will soon have two fifth-place finishes to show for it. This team is worse than the '08 model, and if you choose to make excuses you could point to the injuries that have kept Joey Votto, Edinson Volquez, Jay Bruce and Johnny Cueto out of many games this season. Those aren't Dusty's fault--except with his young starting pitchers maybe they are--and neither is the career nosedive of Aaron Harang. Dusty's also not responsible for the little joke of a bandbox the Reds play in, the one that makes it virtually impossible to develop effective pitching.

What Dusty is on the hook for is a teamwide philosophy of playing the game the wrong way. We've all heard about Dusty's loathing of OBP, walks, Moneyball and "clogging up the bases." We've seen him attempt to change the hitting philosophies of guys with great plate discipline, like Adam Dunn, Ken Griffey and Votto. We've seen him give prime spots in his lineups to awful veterans instead of promising kids--how come Neifi Perez, Wily Tavares and Corey Patterson follow Dusty from job to job when no one else will hire them? We've seen Dusty ask meathead sluggers Dunn and Edwin Encarnacion to lay down sac bunts, fail, and then watch those meatheads hit walk-off homers. And we've seen Dusty shred the arms of Mark Prior and Kerry Wood, then overwork the fresh tissue of Volquez and Cueto.

I know a lot of baseball men think today's game and today's players are soft. That if we could get back to playing the way we did when Dusty was an active baller that baseball would be better. While there's some romantic merit to this nostalgia, I think it's mostly bullshit. Players are better conditioned and better prepared than ever. The game is played on a higher level by more players than ever before. Scouting, research and statitical analysis add to this ongoing improvement. The game is simply better than it was in the 60s and 70s, but Dusty is stuck in black and white TV. Just because you stood in the on-deck circle when Hank Aaron hit No. 715 does not mean you have any clue how to win a ballgame in 2009.

Dusty values speed, which is great. Speed makes everything better. But Dusty also prioritizes fast players with no other baseball skills (like Tavares and Patterson) over slower players who can actually see and understand the game. And this is one reason the Reds can't get any better. If I'm running that team Baker is gone. But what do I know? I'm just blogging in my Fruit of the Looms in Mom's basement. Dusty assigns Dustin Lehr to pitch for his woeful Reds today, while Lou Piniella asks Rich Harden to jab and thrust. Put some pants on and Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: Get Your Gehrig Here

All of a sudden, the baseball-in-the-daytime slates are just jumping with action. Before you know it, unprofessional sports bloggers will have put together consecutive days with nothing else written about besides day baseball....chirp....chirp....

But enough about that. Let's forget all that's going on in baseball and talk about one lone douche nozzle in his one lone team uniform. I'll say this: I'm impressed that said guy tallied three hits yesterevening and went ahead and tied the durn thing. That way, after his next hit, the story will go away.

Your day baseball three-piece, a click away.

Minnesota @ Toronto, 11:35 Central: The right-handed Scott Baker takes the hill for the Twinkies today at the Rogers Centre. He looks to guide Minnesota to that familiar September spot known as second place in the A.L. Central. He'll also be seeking win number 14 on the season. Brett Cecil represents the home team today. He's gone 1-2 in his last three starts with a 10-plus E.R.A. His Blue Jays are good and buried in the East, a solid 28 games behind the Yankees. That, of course, is a stat no one cares about since everyone's too busy spanking it to Derek Jeter and Lou Gehrig. But this baseball game, which is actually already a few pitches underway, can be heard on XM 176.

Detroit @ Kansas City, 1:10: Don't look now Minnesota, but the Kansas City Royals are doing what they frequently tend to in September: help you out. The Royals have taken two of the first games against division-leading Detroit. In the heated desperation of avoiding 100 losses, KC has put together a little three-game win streak that started with their first win of the season (1-9) against the Angels. It's looking like Gil Meche and Brian Bannister might, and probably should, get shut down for the season, and so they seek starting help elsewhere, like Robinson Tejeda -- consecutive impressive starts with five IsP, six Ks, two BBs, and no hits on Friday; six IsP, eight Ks, two BBs, and one run last night -- and Lenny DiNardo, who gets the start today, having gone 10-5 with a 3.32 in AAA Omaha. His counterpart will be Jarrod Washburn of the Tigers, who seeks win number 10, and a chance to take one in the series. Also noteworthy: Billy Butler, who has four three-double games this season, now has 45 two-basers so far, joining the ranks of very few to tally that many at age 23 or younger. The list includes Lou Gehrig. (Editor's Note: B-more Oriole Brian Roberts joined even eliter company last night, become only the fourth player in history to have at least 50 doubles in three different campaigns. Lou Gehrig hit 52 of 'em in 1927.) DirecTV invites you aboard the Royals-Tigers express for a watch on the ol' 721. XM has it on 177.

Cincinnati @ Colorado, 2:10: A pair of under-.500 righties bring up the day-baseball caboose out at Coors Field. Jose Contreras gets the nod for the home team. Kip Wells goes for the Reds. These pitchers are noteworthy for two reasons: Contreras is possibly uglier than Vicente Padilla; Wells is a living example of what not to name your kid. What's more important, though, is that the Rockies are three games back of the Dodgers, so let's keep rootin' for these guys. And just for the record, SethfuckingSmith is hitting .317, slugging .566, second-best and best on the team, respectively. Eighty years ago, Lou Gehrig hit an even .300, slugged .584 on the season. In case you were wondering. Two-thirteen and 722 are your DirecTV notches. Catch the audio on XM 183.

That's your light-free three-piece suit of baseball. Enjoy.
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Baseball In The Daytime: Dressed To The Nines

It's 09/09/09, so go buy your Beatles Rockband for your Atari boxes. While you're at it, pick up a copy of Posnanski's new book. It comes out today, except it comes out next week.

If you choose not to rock out with your cock out or jam out with your clam out on plastic guitars, watch a ballgame. It's free, it's easy, and it's the law. Previews, after the jump...

Texas @ Cleveland, 10:05 Mountain If it weren't for the Rangers, the American League "pennant race" would be nonexistent. Texas is the only thing keeping the Angels from coasting to another AL West title (they're 4 1/2 back). They're the only reason the Red Sox have yet to wrap up the wild card (2 games separate the Sox and Rangers). The Cleveland Indians are not a part of any baseball race, except the one for Most Disappointing 2009 MLB Club. It's a pitched battle between them and the Mets, as the Cubs' comparatively strong recent play makes them merely frustrating. Scott Feldman and Fausto Carmona gets the starts.

Chicago @ Pittsburgh, 12:35 Speaking of the Cubbies, they're in Iron City this afternoon trying to make a little hay. Pittsburgh just clinched an ignominious honor--they're guaranteed to finish the season with a losing record for the 17th consecutive year. No other team in a major sport has ever done this, I'm told, so I guess what the Washington Generals do is not major, Major. Hate on Barry Bonds all you want, but the argument could be made that no athlete leaving a team had a greater impact than Barry moving on from the Pirates. Ex-Cub Kevin Hart tries to bring the pain to his old mates, who are represented by the Big Z.

St. Louis @ Milwaukee, 12:05 Adam Wainwright takes on Jeff Suppan in this meeting at Miller, and Wainwright's chief competition for the NL Cy Young Award dresses in his own clubhouse. Chris Carpenter probably took the lead in the Cy derby with his one-hitter against the Brewers Monday night. Can Wainwright match his teammate against the same gang of preening, douchey, underachieving blowhards? The Brewers really rub me the wrong way, especially that prick Ryan Braun. His act is tired.

San Diego @ San Francisco, 1:45 Watch the Giants, watch them fall. In the wild card standings, that is. Time is running out on these G-Men, they're now three games behind Colorado after ace Tim Lincecum (heh) tweaked some component of his back and touted prospect Madison Bumgarner (heh) was forced to make his big-league debut, a loss. At least they get to rely on currently-dependable millionaire Barry Zito and his 78-mph cheese today. Wade LeBlanc gets the nod from the Padres after being called up when Kyle Blanks hit the DL. LeBlanc is like the French version of Blanks, so expect him to give up...a few runs. Thank you, I'll be here all week. Make sure you tip your waitress, and Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: One Lone Ranger and an Indian

After absolute day-baseball mayhem yesterday, the sunshiney schedule has gone the opposite direction and there's only one game on tap for this eighth day of September. Today's contest certainly looks interesting from a mascot standpoint when you consider that the Rangers need to beat the Indians. It's also interesting from the perspective of athletes who cash a paycheck from a team in a state full of assholes travel to play a team in a city that the son of God hates.

Past the jump, check out of few less-subjective details, and figure out what the game means to the post-season, and where you can find it on the satellites.

Texas @ Cleveland, 4:05 Central: Tommy Hunter and Carlos Carrasco are your starters in today's lone day match. Hunter, Texas' righty in the affair, is 7-3 with a 3.14 E.R.A., and should not be confused with Canada's Country Gentleman, or the Dallas country singer. The Tribe's righty looks for his first win after getting shellacked in his debut last week, a three-inning outing that left his earned-run average at an even 18. The note of importance for this contest is in the Wildcard race. As it stands today, Boston's in the lead for the spot, but that lead is only two and-a-half games over these Rangers. They should take every advantage of playing this inferior Indians team and root for the Orioles to handle business at Fenway. This Progressive Field tilt can be heard on XM 177.

Note that it's part one of a double-header, so rally 'round, Ranger fans. Get behind your club and make it interesting out there.
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Baseball In The Daytime: Labour Day 2009

My standard line on holidays such as this is a congratulations to those lucky souls who have the day off, and a mockery of those who are at work. Because only loser idiots work on Labor Day. Of course, I always type this boilerplate joke from work, as I do this year. Sigh.

The good news, friends, is that I won't be here much longer. And there's lots and lots of day baseball on today. So much, in fact, that I won't even preview all of it. I'm simply going to tell you which games aren't being played under glorious natural sunshine, and then I'm going to risk a stabbing by deranged SoCal gang members by ripping on the Dodgers. Join us for the bloodshed, after the jump...

The only games being played after 5 p.m. Mountain are Texas @ Cleveland and the second installment of the Bay-Rays/Yankees doubleheader from The Stadium. Everything else is Baseball In The Daytime, God Bless America. ESPN used to saturate this holiday with wall-to-wall horsehide action, but they're wrapped up in some combination of tennis, college football, wakeboarding and Around The Horn.

Luckily the MLB Network has a couple games on. The Sox, Red and White, wrap up their four-game series with a reacharound affair at noon. MLBN also broadcasts that second game of the Yankee doubleheader at 6. You can catch Cubs-Pirates on WGN at 10:35, and of course you can check the local affiliate for the big-league club in your area.

With that, let's get to the dirty Dodgers. LA pulled a couple moves right before the August 31 deadline for acquiring players who can be playoff-eligible. They picked up Jim Thome, who promptly proclaimed he no longer owns a mitt and will pinch-hit only (way to be a team player, fatty). The Dodgers also obtained the services of starting pitcher Jon Garland. It was the second move that caught my eye with its fishiness.

First of all, LA desperately needs starting pitching. Why would a division rival help them out with a proven vet like Garland? What's more, the D'Bags picked up the remainder of Garland's salary--say what? The icing on the cake was that no other players were exchanged, the giveback from LA was the old Player To Be Named Later. A complete railroad job.

So Garland becomes a Dodger, and his first start is against...Arizona. Whom he defeats, as the D'Bags had to reach deep into the well for a spot start by the immortal Billy Buckner. Details are now trickling out about that Player To Be Named Later, it's minor-league infielder Tony Abreu. Now Abreu is good, and could easily start for Arizona next year at second, and that would make the trade justifiable. Except Abreu's contract situation is murky, and the Dodgers appear to have hoodwinked the D'Bags about it, and the whole thing may be called off.

What a complete crock of horseshit. What if the Dodgers--who currently lead the Rockies by 3 1/2 and close the season with a three-game series against Colorado at Chavez Ravine--win the NL West by a single game? What if home field for the NL playoffs--LA and St. Louis are currently tied for the league's best record, with Philly two games back--is decided by the same margin? This trade was shady to begin with, and now it turns out that it was a full-on con job. I'm calling shenanigans on the Dodgers.
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Baseball in the Tubgirl Day Time: Step Away From the Promotions Podium

Howdy, folks. As you well may know, we're three days into September, which means we're four weeks away from playoff baseball. Now, that might be exciting to you if you root for a good team. I do not, so therefore, I have looked ahead to the football and hockey seasons, where I'll also root for not good teams. I'm hoping the Chiefs might go 8-8, but then Peter King is predicting just that, so it probably won't happen. He's also predicting five wins out of Denver, four out of Oakland, and for the Cleveland Browns to assume the old 2-14 role, which I've come to know somewhat well. Elsewhere in Sports Illustrated writing is this month-old piece. Not a bad read.

Cleveland @ Detroit, 12:05 Central: Kicking things off today is our lone American League match. Sort of. It features Fausto Carmona on the visiting hill for the Tribe. Nate Robertson and his Kyle Farnsworth glasses gets the nod for the home team at Comerica Park. Nobody's quite sure what to make of Carmona these days. He sports a 3-9 record, a 6.20 E.R.A. Robertson, however, is making just his second start o' the season, and his earned-run average is inching towards seven. In this fine contest of American League Central clubs, Detroit, as mentioned earlier in the week, keeps coasting along in first. Cleveland looks to avoid the series sweep. DirecTV will feature the tilt on 721, 723. XM carries it on channel 176.

Milwaukee @ St. Louis, 1:15: We go from A.L. Central to N.L. Central in an hour and change in day baseball. At Busch Stadium today, Manny Parra goes for the Brew Crew; some guy named John Smoltz goes for the first-place Redbirds. St. Louis is pretty much a lock to take this division with a 10 and-a-half-game lead going into today. Milwaukee faded down the stretch quicker than a can of Beast Light exits the bowels the morning after a beer bender. Parra hopes to bring his record to .500. Smoltz is hoping to just not get lit up. See what happens on DirecTV 723, 724, or listen in on XM 185.

Chicago @ Chicago, 1:20: Here's where things get interesting: It's a little Interleague play sprung upon the day baseball fans, out of nowhere, and landing in the friendly confines of Wrigley Field. Un cabron by the name of Carlos Torres seeks win number one in his third big-league start. He's not yet taken a loss, but his E.R.A. has taken a beating. He'll represent the visitors today and aspire to secure himself a job in the White Stockings future rotation. On the mound for the Cubbies is Ryan Dempster who's put together an 8-7/4.15 campaign. The righty has also fanned 129 while walking 56. Both Chicago clubs could make a run at a wildcard spot, but they'll need some serious ass-kicking medicine to kick in. See who's got the edge on DirecTV 307, 725, or 726. If you're listenin', it's XM one eight five.

New York @ Colorado, 2:10: Finally, Los Mets visit SethfuckingSmith and the Colorado Rockies in a pitching duel that features lefty Pat Misch for the Metropolitans, Jason Marquis for the home team. Heading into today, New York has lost eight of their last 10, and have now won only eight more ball games than the Kansas City Royals. The magic eight ball says, "Your future looks cloudy." Colorado on the other hand, can't decide if they'll catch the Dodgers or just float kinda motion-like on a breeze in hopes for a post-season gift. And speaking of post-season gifts, this makes me puke, not in my mouth, but projectile-style, on my shoes. If you think that's an improvement over Dane Cook, feel free to check yourself in to the nearest community mental health center, pronto. Anyway, the home team's hurler, Marquis, has gone 14-9 this season while keeping his E.R.A. under four. The Rox have put together two straight wins, but they still sit four-plus back of the N.L. West lead. Watch this game on DirecTV 213 or 727. Catch the audio on XM 184. And if you'd like, read this SI piece, and rip the author a new one for failing to mention SethfuckingSmith. Dude calls himself a writer. Oh well. At least he remembered to boldface all his names.

There's your friendly foursome of day baseball. Get out there and represent, represent.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 2 September 2009

Goodness there's a large number of day games on tap today, which is normally cause for jig-dancin' and hat-tossin' around here. Only problem is, today's Baseball In The Daytime features almost exclusively the dregs of the major leagues. You name a shitty, going-nowhere club, chances are they're saving on electricity bills by playing a ballgame this afternoon.

While that may be a source of consternation for other sports fans, the fact that you read the House of Georges tells me that you can appreciate professional athletics played poorly. After all, the rough focus of this blog is the "rivalry" between the Chiefs and the Broncos, two teams that may not combine for five wins this season. There's a certain beauty in bad baseball set in nearly empty stadiums. The echoing crack of the bat. The plaintive wail of a beer vendor. The dugout chatter you can hear in the upper deck. Clear out the schedule and insert your protective cup, as we bounce around the bigs after the jump...

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati, 10:35 Mountain It'd be hard to say that either of these teams are very disappointing, but for the second year in a row the Reds have certainly underachieved under Dusty Baker. Maybe the pitching wasn't as great as it may have seemed back in March, what with the injuries to Volquez and Cueto and the general deterioration of Aaron Harang. But Jesus, this team really stinks. Pittsburgh is merely as bad as normal, on their way to their 17th losing record in a row. Today Zach Duke and Homer Bailey represent these two once-proud franchises, and both have promising futures (the pitchers, that is, not the franchises)--so long as they make their way out of Pittsburgh and Cincinnati.

Chicago White Sox @ Minnesota Twins, 11:10 The nuts who cover the American League franchise in Chicago have their collective thongs in a knot over the weekend moves of Kenny Williams. Williams, the White Sox GM, unloaded Jim Thome and Jose Contreras to NL contenders mere weeks after adding Jake Peavy and Alex Rios for an alleged playoff push. Sure, the moves are wishy-washy and inconsistent. But so are these White Sox. No team in baseball has been harder to figure out.

Take today's starter, Mark Buehrle. He threw a perfect game on July 23 and followed that up by taking another perfecto into the fifth against the Twins. But the Twins scored five earned against him later that night, and in his next two starts he was shelled for 12 combined runs. Then he went eight scoreless against the Mariners before getting lit up twice more. Buehrle's a good pitcher, but if he's your ace you're going to have a goofy, up-and-down season. Some kid named Brian Duensing starts for the Twins.

Houston @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Since we're now playing after September 1, a bad game like this is even worse. Instead of 25 lousy players in either dugout, Cecil Cooper and Lou Piniella will each have 40, count 'em, 40 lousy players at their disposal today at Wrigley. The combinations are infinite. Jeff Samardzija pitching to Aaron Boone? Unpossible on August 31, a virtual certainty today. Ronny Paulino and Ted Lilly start this thing off, after that it will derail in a hurry.

Kansas City @ Oakland, 1:35 Congratulations, Nationals fans--you've won the Bryce Harper sweepstakes. Thanks to KC's stubborn refusal to roll over you will now be allowed to draft Harper and create the most freakishly hyped battery of all the evers.

Seriously, Royals, would it have killed you to just lose a few more down the stretch? NOW you decide to play mediocre baseball, as opposed to the outhouse scrapings you exhibited from May through the middle of August? Weak.

Brian Bannister, one of the main culprits in this disaster I consider the No. 2 pick in a one-player draft, starts opposite Trevor Cahill. May a curse hang over your head, Bannister--I hope you win! You certainly aren't good enough to lose. Someone with your lack of commitment doesn't deserve to lose.

Washington @ San Diego, 1:35 Now these Nats, they have shown the professionalism required to do their jobs. Two years running they've had the temptation to win games late in the season but they have not succumbed. Their reward? First Stephen Strasburg, who throws a baseball at light speed and can win a game of Connect Four in three moves. Now, Harper. The Washington Nationals are a model franchise, at least among those that play games today.

San Diego can only dream of matching the Nats' futility, but Kevin Correia tries to monetize that dream this afternoon at Petco. Washington's starter is John Lannan.

Los Anaheim @ Seattle, 4:40 Hidden amid this landfill of bad baseball lies one buried gem. Your once and soon-to-be AL West Champion Angels take on the resurgent Mariners in a renewal of a longtime Pacific Rim rivalry, but that's not the story. No, the interest here is on the mound, where late waiver-wire pickup Scott Kazmir makes his Los Anaheim debut against King Felix Hernandez. Kazmir has been pedestrian this year with an ERA approaching 6 and has $22 million remaining on his contract, which is why the Bay-Rays made him available. He's a big-game power lefty with a history of success against the Angels' postseason nemeses from Boston, however, so this gamble looks solid. Hernandez has merely managed to put all of his considerable talent together in a great season (13-5, 2.77 ERA, 8.22 K/9IP, 3.35 K/BB) that will get him a lot of Cy Young votes. Hits will be at a premium, so lather on the pine tar and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 31 August 2009

It's always nice to find a little day baseball on a Monday. Especially when you're taking Mondays off to watch your kid. In between the feces and the pureed butternut squash, perhaps there will be some time to sneak in a liter of Jack Daniel's and a furious bout of masturbation a pleasant little interlude of baseball.

So load up the strollers, pacifiers and Huggies and join us after the jump...

Tampa @ Detroit, 11:05 Mountain The Bay-Rays have to look at their opponents today with a serious case of jealousy. While Tampa needs to play virtually perfect ball for six months to have any shot at competing with the Yanks and Red Sox in their division, Detroit can coast for long stretches of the season. At no point have I looked at the Tigers this year and thought "Damn, that's a great team." Yet they've led the AL Central since the end of April and held off limp charges from the Twins and the White Sox without breaking a sweat. Life just ain't fair for the Bay-Rays. They go with Big Game James Shields as they attempt to even this four-game series, while Detroit sends Jarrod Washburn to the mound. Washburn has been lackluster since his acquisition from the Mariners, but it's not like this team's October dreams are pinned to Jarrod Washburn.

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati Let's play another round of The Name Game! I tell you that your starting pitchers today at Great American Ballpark are McCutchen and Wells. You wonder, why is Andrew McCutchen pitching? Ain't he normally a centerfielder with rad hair? Why yes, I say, he is, but the pitching McCutchen is actually Daniel, making his big-league debut today. I know, they look exactly alike. We'll need a program to tell them apart this afternoon.

As for the Reds' starter today, you might wonder of which Wells do I speak? Did Cincy acquire Randy off waivers from the Cubs? Did big fat David emerge from retirement? Has someone seen a Casper? No, no and no. Our lucky Wells is the well(s)-travelled Kip, now with his eighth team in ten years. I'll bet he's got some nice luggage. Stow that Samsonite in the overhead bin and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 28 August 2009

It's almost time to go back to school, kids. You have one more chance to get to Wrigley and soak in the day baseball before another year of soul-crushing education begins. Or, you could just ditch. So then there's no time crunch at all.

After the jump, get friendly with our single game that's not under the lights...

NY Mets @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Mountain Mets Baseball, Don't Misch It! That's my slogan. Don't like it? Get bent. The Mets have had about a kajillion injuries this year, and you can throw Johan Santana and Oliver Perez on the pile--both starters were shut down last week with season-ending wounds. So your Metropolitan arm today is Patrick Misch. If you want details on Mr. Misch, I got nothin. He's an enigma, a ghost. He could give up ten earned in the first frame, he could blank the Cubs.

Flying the home colors today is Ted Lilly, who needs no introduction. Everybody knows what you get from Ted Lilly. Rub up your balls with Mississippi Mud, and Play Ball!
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