Jim Tracy tinkered with his lineup yesterday. It looks even better today. Ubaldo Jimenez and Cliff Lee are your starters in this tilt. The Phils are up two games to one, and the winner will face Los Dodgers. It's Angels Yankees for the ALCS.
Can't believe it let me do that.
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Today we kick off a little thing known as the Major League Baseball Playoffs. In our minds it seems as though that bubble was burst yesterday, with the Twins' extra-innings win over the Tigers. But that festival of screwup in the Metrodome was merely a regular-season tiebreaker -- today is the real deal.
We've got a tripleheader on tap, with all games broadcast on the TBS. That's right, y'all, no Buck or McCarver until the ALCS starts next week. Our first game includes a heaping helping of local color in the person of your Colorado Rockies, so join us after the jump for today's orgy of baseball...
Colorado @ Philadelphia, 12:37 Mountain Both today's and tomorrow's games in the City Of Brotherly drop at this absurd noonish hour, a direct result of the Rockies' lack of national magnetism. The Philly phaithful are pissed about this, and demand is so light that one can acquire a nosebleed seat to today's game for less than a c-note on the black market.
Ubaldo Jimenez assumes his rightful role as the Colorado ace and Game 1 starter, while midseason acquisition Cliff Lee gets the ball from Charlie Manuel. Both are capable of complete domination, but only one has experience pitching in the postseason. Jimenez was on the staff of the '07 Rocktober club, but Lee was not on the Indians' playoff roster that autumn.
The question marks in Jim Tracy's lineup are found at third base (Ian Stewart or righty-hitting Garret Atkins versus the lefty Lee?), catcher (Yorvit Torrealba played most of September, but Chris Ianetta has crouched much of the last week), and in the outfield (the normal alignment of Gonzalez-Fowler-Hawpe, or a wild card such as Seth Fucking Smith or RH Ryan Spillborghs?). Regardless of the particulars, everyone knows that the Rockies have had a harder time hitting lefties this season (.253/.335/.430 against LHP vs. .264/.346/.445 against RHP), and they will face Lee, Cole Hamels and J.A. Happ in this series. If they can get to the bullpen, however, the Rockies will see almost no southpaws (unless Happ is assigned to relief). J.C. Romero, Scott Eyre and Jamie Moyer are all hurt.
As for the Phillies, they boast a prodigious power-and-speed lineup along with rings from last year's championship. The fact that Colorado's only lefty starter (Jorge De La Rosa) will not pitch in this series to Philly's lefty sluggers (Chase Utley, Ryan Howard and Raul Ibanez) is pretty devastating to the Rockies' hopes.
The deck seems stacked against the Rockies, but Tracy is some sort of voodoo witch doctor. My guess is that he has one more potion in his bag of tricks for these Phillies. SERIES PREDICTION: ROCKIES IN FIVE.
Minnesota @ NY Yankees, 4:07 21 hours after killing off the Tigers, the Twins get a date with the 103-win Yankees at the Stadium. All you need to know about this game is that the Yankees' new park is an absolute bandbox, and the weather forecast calls for 10-40 mph winds blowing out to center. Expect copious home runs, mostly by the home team. Brian Duensing is Minnesota's sacrificial lamb, while C.C. Sabathia starts for the Bombers. SERIES PREDICTION: YANKEES IN THREE.
Cardinals @ Dodgers, 7:37 The late game features two teams that limped down the stretch, but still coasted in thanks to massive division leads. Although the Dodgers have home field here, everyone's picking St. Louis thanks to their Cy Young-y 1-2 pitching punch of Chris Carpenter/Adam Wainwright and their MVP-ish hitting combo of Albert Pujols/Matt Holliday. LA's issues start with their thoroughly pedestrian rotation (Randy Wolf starts tonight opposite Carpenter) and their punchless cleanup hitter (Manny Ramirez, who's hit just one HR since Sept. 9). Try as I might to find a way for the Dodgers to prevail, I just don't think they're very good. SERIES PREDICTION: CARDINALS IN FOUR.
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Buckle your chin straps and fasten your safety belts, because this is the penultimate Baseball In The Daytime of the whole year and it's a humdinger. That was about the most nonsensical sentence imaginable, as you don't wear helmets or seatbelts while watching day baseball. Unless you're mentally retarded, in which case I apologize for my gross insensitivity to your condition.
Also, I believe that at least a few of next week's Division Series games will be played during daylight hours, so I was wrong there as well. WHO'S THE RETARD NOW?
Juvenile insults aside, we truly do have some killer games on the sked this afternoon. We've got a Cy Young race to decide, a possible playoff spot to clinch, and home field issues on the Senior Circuit to untangle. Some teams are rising, some stumbling, some playing out the string, and some trying to build a little momentum for the offseason. Let's get right into the fray, after the jump...
St. Louis @ Cincinnati, 10:35 Mountain The popular scuttlebutt holds that the NL Cy Young battle is a three-man race. Those men are Tim Lincecum of the Giants (who won in '08) and Cardinals teammates Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright. For my money Wainwright's the guy--he's been the most consistently unhittable from start to finish, even though Carpenter and Lincecum have slightly better stuff. It's not wrapped up, however, and a memorable start by Carpenter today could sway some of the spineless chin-strappers that inhabit the Baseball Writers of America. Carpenter's foil today is Cincinnati's Kip Wells.
Of more import than individual awards is the seeding in the NL playoffs. The Dodgers are still on top of the league with 93 wins, but they've dropped four straight to the putrid Pirates and Padres by a combined score 0f 25-7. Philadelphia sits a game behind with 92 wins, while the Rockies and Cardinals are currently at 90. All four of these teams are still in the mix for the top spot, and so every game they play over the next four days is impactful for playoff positioning.
Minnesota @ Detroit, 11:05 Over in the American League, we've got but one spot in the October tournament up for grabs. Someone has to win the Central division, and that someone will be one of the two teams wrasslin' at Comerica today. The Tigers, thanks to last night's 7-2 TKO of the Twins, hold a commanding three-game lead with four to play. A Detroit win behind lefty Nate Robertson means the race is over, good night, please hand in your keys. Should Scott Baker and Minnesota prevail, however, we keep this slugfest alive for at least one more day.
Milwaukee @ Colorado, 1:10 The brooms are out at Coors today, along with whatever symbolic trinketry you smuggle in when you're about to clinch. A boxing glove? A roll of toilet paper? An octopus? I don't know the protocol here. Aaron Cook starts for the home Rockies, who with a win lock down their second playoff berth in three seasons. Manny Parra tries to prevent any celebration on his watch, and you know what? Fuck Manny Parra and fuck the Brewers. We're taking a stand today, and it is decidedly homeriffic in the Centennial State.
With a victory, Colorado can also stay alive for a super-unlikely division crown, which would be their first. Tomorrow the Rox start a season-ending three-gamer at Chavez Ravine versus the free-falling Dodgers.
Arizona @ San Francisco, 1:45 The last of our BitD four-spot features the day's finest pitching matchup, Dan Haren against Lincecum. Haren has gone into his traditional second-half swoon, transforming from onetime Cy candidate to a guy who gives up five a game. Not that I'm bitter, not that I need Dan Haren to show up today to salvage my fading hopes in a fantasy baseball final. Let's throw a few strikes today, fellas, and Play Ball!
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I'm not sure how I keep drawing six-packs of day baseball, but I'm into it. At least the matchups move around, and I'm not stuck with stroking the Cubs' Johnson every Friday. 'Cause, you know, that would suck. Since I mentioned suck, allow me to say that you've come to the right place, as there are significant heapings of sucky baseball on today's platter. Not every last bit of it sucks, but a solid 67 per cent of it should leave you about as aroused as a 350-pound trucker woman that wants to hop in the sack with you. And be on top.
Know who doesn't suck, though? This guy. That guy's name is SethfuckingSmith, and today is the first day of the season that the Iron Triangle must get behind the Colorado Rockies. I'm channeling Cecil to give up hopes on the Cubs. I'm paging Old No. 7 to forget about the tailspinning Media Rojos. It's time to get Rockuppied, and that shit begins and ends with SethfuckingSmith. He's hitting .292, slugging .486, has eight homers, 28 RsBI and has walked 32 times while only striking out twice more. And let's not forget an OPS of .882. Granted, this is only through 185 at bats, this is the guy. I tole y'all: the leftfielder's the sleeper. I haven't heard much noise since I threw the first shovelful of coals on the SethfuckingSmith fire, and I don't get it. He's stolen four bases, hit two triples. What more do you want? And then there's the number. LOOK AT HIS FUCKING UNIFORM NUMBER, for Pete's sake.
Anyway, day baseball, post-jump.
Colorado @ New York, 11:10 Central: With all of the post-Hurdle success the Rockies have had, they'll need a bit more if they want to make anything out of this season as they head into a double-header today at Citi Field. Your starting pitchers for the first half of the tilt are Jason Hammel for the visitors, Johan Santana for Los Mets, who've won four straight, but that hasn't been enough to get them back to .500. DirecTV carries the first half of this tilt on 735, while XM has it on 183. Lefties Jorge De La Rosa and Jonathan Niese try not to suck this evening.
Kansas City @ Baltimore, 11:35: Speaking of suck, the Royals can't decide if they want to suck worse than anyone in baseball or just almost. At this rate, the Nationals could easily catch them. Royal righty Luke Hochevar gets the nod today. He fanned 13 and walked none in his last outing giving him his sixth victory of the season. Brad Bergensen, his lefty counterpart today, also has six wins and a better E.R.A. (3.56 to Hoch's 4.84). KC took the first two of the four-game series, but in shocking developments, saw their bullpen blow a late-game lead last night. If you're into crummy, crummy baseball, tune in to DTV 736, or XM 176.
San Diego @ Cincinnati, 11:35: The beat of suck goes on with two National League righties next on the slate. This bad batch of day ball pits Whale's Vagina Tim Stauffer against Redleg Johnny Cueto. Both of these cats have kept their earned-run average under four. Stauffer seeks his first win while Cueto goes for number nine, number nine, number nine...It'd be another battle of last-placers if it wasn't for Pittsburgh, home of pedophiles-- I mean pierogies. DirecTV says "That game sucks so bad we'll not carry it." XM is a bit more sensitive; they'll have it on channel 184.
Oakland @ Boston, 12:35: Sticking with the theme of same-handed pitchers, it's Gio Gonzalez and Jon Lester in our first post-noon game of the day. Oakland's place in the basement has quite the cusion: They're 10 and-a-half back of third-place Seattle, 17 behind first-place Los Anaheim. Boston has seen the Yankees win eight of their last 10, giving the 'stripes a three-plus game lead over the Sox, so they'll need some of that Lester magic today at Fenway. Seven twenty-one and 722 are your DirecTV dials, while XMers can enjoy if they point their knobs at 177.
Washington @ Milwaukee, 1:05: Still more righties. It's J.D. Martin and Yovani Gallardo in the continued slate of suck. Gallardo's the exception with his 9-7/3.09, but his club has lost enough recent games to fall one game below .500. They're only four games out of first, but they've managed to let Houston into the fold, which really isn't good for business. Washington's won six of their last 10, bringing them to an even 27 games behind division-leading Philly, who I'm sure we'll hear about later, what with yesterday's trade with the Tribe. DirecTV 725 and 726 are your satellite television answers. If you're listenin', it's XM 185.
Houston @ Chicago, 1:20: To close the day-baseball gap, it's, yep, two more righties. The Astronauts trot Russ Ortiz to the mound while Kevin Hart toes the slab for the Cubs. Easily the most playoff-savory game on today's board, Ortiz looks to improve a 33-5/4.75, while Hart looks to keep a teammate or two hurt, thus keeping him in a starting job. The Cubs and Cardinals are tied for the lead in the N.L. Central, and Houston could do themselves a favor by getting the win this afternoon and getting back to the hotel to cheer for Hiroki Kuroda and the Dodgers tonight who visit St. Louis. Three choices, 307, 723, and 724 are your DirecTV options. One eight six is where you wanna be on XM.
And them're today's affairs, chillens. Unless you're in the Windy City, enjoy the slate of suck.
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Suddenly flush with quality infielders, the Colorado Rockies sent Jeff Baker to the Cubs yesterday. This bums me out a little bit, because I know a guy named Jeff Baker and it was always cool to see another Jeff Baker playing at Coors. But then I heard who the player to be named later was, and I was happy.
In exchange for Baker, the Rockies acquired a minor-league righty named Al Alburquerque.
I didn't make that up, nor did I misspell his name. It's Alburquerque. I want this dude to make the bigs in the worst possible way, or at the very least play a little in Triple-A against the Isortopes.
Big news on the day baseball beat this Friday, folks, as there is a matinee that does not take place in the city of Chicago. It's not even part of a rainout doubleheader. That's right, Baseball in the Daytime is spreading, spreading like hepatitis. Once you get a taste you can't wash it out. Get infected, after the jump.
Toronto @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Mountain I'm not sure why the Yanks scheduled this as a businessman's special, nor if the Friday day-game thing is going to become SOP in the Bronx. Whatever, I applaud the management of the franchise, especially Assistant To The Travelling Secretary George Costanza. If old George Steinbrenner were still alive I'd shake his hand. Play baseball the way God intended it, under the sun! Today the B'Jays come to town, led by starter Brian Tallet. Meeting them at the gate will be former Beej A.J. Burnett. I know I've mentioned this here before, but did you know that Burnett once threw a no-hitter in which he walked nine men? That's hard to do.
Milwaukee @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 I'm so excited about that Yankee game (and I hate the fucking Yankees like I hate burnt toast) that it's hard to get worked up about--yawn--another Friday afternoon match at Wrigley. But come on! There's going to be girls there! Drunk girls! And you know what drunk girls do, don't ya? They watch Jeff Suppan and Big Z pitch, that's what they do. Then they throw up. Hold her hair out of her face, and Play Ball!
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Your Colorado Rockies play a baseball game tonight, and if they win that baseball game it will be their twelfth straight victory.
This is a pretty big deal. The Rockies have never won 12 games in a row, even during their fluke mystical magical 2007 Series run. Only three teams since 1900 have won 20 straight, and one of those--the 1916 Giants--mixed in a tie during their streak. That's right, a tie. Streaks this long don't happen every day.
So as well as they're playing, Colorado ought be breathing right down the necks of the NL West-leading Dodgers, right? Sure, if you consider third place, 10 1/2 games out to be hot pursuit. In fact, should the Rox take their dirty dozen tonight they'll run their season record all the way to 32-32. You have to be incredibly shitty to win 11 consecutive games and still be under .500. These Rockies were that shitty, so shitty that their previously untouchable manager, Clint Hurdle, got canned. Now Jim Tracy has Hurdle's club playing like the 1906 Cubs. What, exactly, has been the difference?
I'd argue that there is no difference, and that Colorado is neither as bad as they played before this run nor as good as they've been amidst it. They've pitched, by franchise standards, spectacularly well the last two weeks, and that will eventually regress. Jorge De La Rosa and Jason Hammell have the ability to win in the bigs, Jason Marquis is a focused veteran, and Aaron Cook and Ubaldo Jimenez can serve as low-grade aces. But this staff, especially the youngsters, is incapable of sustaining the 2- and 3-run outings they've produced under Tracy.
The timely hitting and stellar defense that have rounded out the streak are even more puzzling. Where, exactly, were these position players when Hurdle was trying to stay employed? Specifically, what in the world got into Troy Tulowitzki? How can this shortstop fucking stink for his entire sophomore campaign and two months of the '09 season then morph into the Cal Ripken clone we all envisioned back in 2007? To play that poorly, then that well, with no environmental change other than a new manager, this to me says that Tulo is immature and prone to distraction. Not qualities you want in a supposed leader during a 162-game season.
As for the other alleged leaders on this team, why has no one ever singled out Brad Hawpe or--especially--Todd Helton for the Rockies' underachievement the past year and a half? Helton has a pristine image in the game and is the face of the entire franchise. And don't misunderstand me, I love Todd Helton's approach to the game of baseball. But a 13-year veteran has to be more accountable for the stretch of ineptitude displayed by the Rockies until June 4. Don Mattingly, another sweet-swinging first baseman who toiled for a mostly inept club his entire career, was judged by his team's won-loss record. Todd Helton should bear the same burden.
Why does it have to be this way? Why does this team have to be either historically awful or historically hot? Why can't they just be pretty good, or average, or at least competent? It's well documented around here, I am not a full-blooded Rockies fan. I do care about this franchise, however. I care very much about the viability of professional baseball in this state, and I've pondered at length what it will take to consistently win at altitude. I've happily ridden all these winning streaks and suffered through all the busted pitchers and prospects. I want this team to be legitimate.
I must acknowledge, for the record, that the franchise is run far better than it once was. The rosters and farm systems of the 90s and early years in this decade were comically stuffed with free-swinging sluggers and one-note arms. There was no organizational philosophy, no low-minor development, and a shocking failure rate of player development. Before the current regime, Shawn Chacon was arguably the best pitcher the franchise had ever produced.
That's changed for the better. These Rockies draft better and develop better. The average kid coming up from Tulsa or Colorado Springs is fairly polished and ready to play. Seth Smith, Dexter Fowler, Ian Stewart--in previous years these guys would have been wasted or lost. Now they contribute.
On the mound, the combination of the Coors Field humidor and the same developmental standards have produced an amazing result: the Rockies' starter pitches a decent game almost every time out. Sure, there are occasional blowups, but it's no longer a given that this club is last in the NL in ERA every single year. They've found ways to deliver guys like Cook, Jimenez and Jeff Francis to the bigs. They've identified castoffs like Marquis and Josh Fogg who can come in cheap and not kill the team. And the bullpen has been more than acceptable the past few years, a testament to the Rockies' attention to detail.
I'm sorry, though, these improvements are not good enough. The results on the field bear that out. There are LOTS of teams that are well-run, and only a few anymore that are not. Income is not an excuse, the combination of revenue sharing and new sources of cash put teams like the Rockies on a firm business footing. You can win with what they have. What's needed is a commitment from the top, which is where this team falls short.
I know, I blame the Monforts for everything wrong with the Rockies in every piece I write about the team. Guilty. It simply cannot be overstated how much negative impact their approach has on the franchise. They will never convince me that they own this team simply to impress their hayseed rancher buddies. They like the seats. I implore you, Dick and Charlie, sell the team. Sell it to someone who cares about winning, someone who'll instill a philosophy of success at every level. You can keep your fucking seats.
I'll never forgive the Monforts for wasting the 2007 World Series. Flush with the cash of postseason gate receipts and the goodwill of an entire region, they had the opportunity to take a suspect division and grab it by the throat. San Diego had faded, Arizona was not yet ready to grab the mantle, and Los Angeles was still in flux--Torre was not yet hired and Mannywood was not yet built. They had the pieces to get better, yet instead they stood pat. They allowed the Diamondbacks to trade for Dan Haren, thinking that their young (and cheap) rotation could be good enough.
Haren cost the D'Bags some of their best prospects, of course. Rockies fans know these prospects well, because Oakland sent the same guys (Carlos Gonzalez and Greg Smith) to Denver in exchange for Matt Holliday a year later. The kids are OK, but the move was a salary dump and an attempt to get something out of Holliday, who's scheduled to hit free agency this winter. Tell me this: if the same players were traded for Dan Haren in 2007 and Matt Holliday in 2008, why didn't the Rockies simply trade Matt Holliday for Dan Haren?
I'll tell you why, it's because the Monforts were scared of Mike Hampton. Hampton was one of a slew of big-money free agents the club inked a decade ago who went bust in the pre-humidor elevation at Coors. The Monforts are afraid of signing pitchers as a result.
They also gave a $126 million contract to Helton, who subsequently stopped doing steroids and hitting home runs. That contract is now an albatross, and therefore the Monforts are afraid of signing hitters as well.
They also hired one big-time manager, Jim Leyland in 1999. Leyland took their money, smoked a lot of Winstons and literally mailed in the season. Seriously, he watched most games from a post office on Champa Street. The Leyland experience made the Monforts reluctant to go after a name manager, and in my opinion kept Clint Hurdle on the job well past his expiration date.
So if you're afraid to pay any good pitchers, good hitters or good managers, how exactly do you run a good baseball team? Heck of a question, and something to chew on while watching the Rockies go for No. 12 tonight.
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Ultimately, this BitD chair is usually occupied by a wiser, craftier baseball muse than myself, but you, fair reader, are stuck with me until Old No. 7's kid has obtained his first official position in the city council. Or at least until he's driving, and believe you me when I say that if Jackson follows Cecil's lead, you and I are in this one for the long haul, so you may as well get used to my witless droning, my American League bias, and my PBR farts.
More importantly, there are a few games on the slate today, and they're kind of AA-ish in that they're all National League matches (Editor's Note: cocks cheek, offers gassy emission), but there's some value to tuning in today, as we have the opportunity to see if the Phils get swept, and we can weigh in on who's who in the West. So take note, your schedule is a click away.
Nationals @ Marlins, 11:10 Central: This tilt in Miami is our only pre-nooner today, and it features batter's-box chicken-shit Daniel Cabrera for the visitors, and he'll take on former first-rounder Chris Volstad and the home squad in this battle of righties. Tune in (Tokyo) to this one on DirecTV 721 if you're a Nats fan, 722 if you feel for the fish. Or XM has it on the ever-popular 183.
Braves @ Phillies, 2:05: Javier Vazquez and Joe Blanton, who may or may not look like a fat, racist truck driver from Birmingham, are your starters in game three of this series, one in which the defending champs have yet to obtain a W. It's another duel of right-handers, and you can view it on DirecTV 723, or put an ear to a speaker at XM 184.
Rockies @ D'backs, 2:40: And for our third match of the afternoon, we finally get some left-handed action, as Franklin Morales meets Doug Davis in the desert. In the rubber match of this trio of games, Morales must impress, or, allegedly, he may slip out of the rotation, and his challenge is not an easy one against the one-time strikeout machine Davis who saw limited action last season as he battled thyroid cancer. This is a tough one -- found on DTV 724, 725 or XM 185 -- to predict, but I gotta imagine that the team with Seth fucking Smith on the roster gets the nod. Word on the street is that it's only a matter of time before this guy explodes. Hell, newbie Fort Collins Cosmic Underdog has already signed him in our fantasy league, which counts for something. Right?
Whatever. Enjoy the afternoon, and remember to actually do a little work while you're filling in your scorecard.
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Number one would be the mountain range. Duh. Number two would be the hockey team that called Denver home in between calling themselves the Kansas City Scouts and the New Jersey Devils, leaving the third to be the baseball club that has home games at Coors Field. There's a reason why Arizona won't win this division this year, and there's a reason why it won't be Humberto's Dodgers either. Let's not forget San Diego. Okay, let's actually forget San Diego. And while we're at it, let's forget about Colorado's 2008, and think more along the lines of the two-years-ago Rockies, and call that the basis for my theory that they will win the West in 2009. I know. I know. Jeff Francis is likely out for the season. Stay with me, or at least join me after the jump, ya' naysayin' ninnies, where we go over the rules of HoG Club and look at this lineup.
The first rule of HoG Club is that you must hate Canadians. The second rule of HoG Club is that Jeff Francis is a stupid-ass Canadian, so he can have his shoulder surgery, his rotten record/E.R.A. and he can go play minor-league ball for the Blue Jays or something. I have a hunch, that even without Matt Holliday (Editor's Note: The third rule of HoG Club is that Canada and Oklahoma are pretty much the same thing.), this team is going to click this year. They kick things off against Arizona, who gave Colorado fits last year, and by golly, times've changed. Let's look at the Rockies:
1) LF Seth Smith
2) 2B Clint Barmes
3) CF Ryan Spilborghs
4) 1B Todd Helton
5) RF Brad Hawpe
6) SS Troy Tulowitzki
7) 3B Garrett Atkins
8) C) Chris Iannetta
This could be the most inaccurate lineup prediction I've put together thus far, but it doesn't matter, because for this team, there is no speed on the basepaths. I think the Rockies, collectively, stole like 6.5 bases in 2008. Nope. The approach for this team is to just plain crush the ball, and who better to start the mashing off than Seth fucking Smith. Seth Smith is going to hit the cover off of the ball for Colorado this year. Why? Because he slugged for .556 and had a +.300 average throughout spring training. That's why. Not to mention that one, lone time he went yard. You do not fuck with Seth Smith, kids. You should also not use profane language under any circumstances, unless, of course, you are talking about Seth fucking Smith. I mean look at him.
That guy eats rusty Hyundai bumpers sprinkled with Tony Gwynn back hairs for a midnight snack. You do NOT mess with that. Christ. Do we even need to look at the rest of this team?
Okay. Fine. We will. But we're not going to call them the Rockies. They are the Colorado SethFuckingSmiths. Take note. The rotation:
1) Aaron Cook
2) Ubaldo Jimenez
3) Franklin Morales
4) Jason Marquis
5) Jorge De la Rosa
I love this rotation. You've got a New Yorker, and a kid from Kentucky mixed in with a hell of an appetizing Latino smorgasbord. Plus you've got three flippin' lefties. The best part, though, about this fivesome, is that you've got a collection of dudes that are on the brink of being pretty darned good, and every last one of them could do just that. Plus, none of them has to pitch to Seth Smith. Jack. Pot. Honestly, I think this rotation hinges on Franklin Morales. All four of the others won at least 10 games last year and they tallied sufficient strikeouts as well. But Franklin Morales is like that wasted chick that does something stupid and ruins the chances of the 4 a.m. threesome. And you even had the YouTube'corder charged and ready. If Morales doesn't man up, this rotation crumbles, and the rest of the team goes with it, because the bullpen is going to thrive on quality starts. They don't strike out a ton of guys, they give up too many runs, and obviously you can't go straight to Manny Corpas and Huston Street 162 times in a season.
So I say, a healthy dose of Seth Smith at the plate, eight or nine wins from Morales, and middle relief that doesn't blow leads gets you the division in 2009. You heard it here first.
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We try to refrain from open civil war here at the House of Georges. While we often vehemently disagree with one another over a given topic, every effort is made to keep our debate polite and mature. Because as everyone knows, we are nothing but polite and mature.
And so, in the interest of respectful, erudite sports discussion, I must take mild exception to the piece penned by Cecil earlier in the week covering the trade of Matt Holliday. It's not that I disagree with his assertions that the Rockies are incompetently run (they certainly are) or that Colorado received less than full value for Holliday (they did) or that Scott Boras is a slimebag who ruins baseball teams (he certainly is). It's just that, well, there's more to this trade than that.
Join with us, dear reader, for some of what Sarah Palin calls that "inside baseball stuff."
First off, although Oakland GM Billy Beane came out the clear winner in this deal, there are some positive things for Rockies fans to focus on going forward. Greg Smith is a legitimate big-league lefty starter who should evolve into a No. 3 type, a poor man's Jeff Francis. Huston Street, while injury-prone and not as overpowering as you might like a closer to be, is a name-brand reliever with value. His pitching style is not the best fit for Coors Field, so he'll most likely be dealt, but that eventual swap could net a top prospect.
The key to the deal, in my eyes, is Carlos Gonzalez, who was the centerpiece of the package Oakland received from Arizona for Dan Haren a year ago. He's a legitimate five-tool guy and a significant upgrade from Holliday--who's not a graceful outfielder--in the field. It's possible that he could eventually put up comparable plate numbers to Holliday with the deep power alleys and flat sliders that Coors Field provides.
It's also possible, of course, that he could suck balls, and that Greg Smith could be horrible and Huston Street could blow out his elbow in Spring Training. All while Matt Holliday wins AL MVP in Oakland and leads the A's to a division title. There's certainly risk involved, and the Rox could have definitely squeezed more out of the Holliday situation than they did.
My personal preference would have been to let Holliday and Boras go to free agency and make them a respectable but not bank-breaking offer. The left-fielder and his agent would have refused, allowing Colorado to come off as righteous while painting Holliday and Boras as greedy. More importantly, the team would pick up two first-round picks once Holliday inked a long-term contract elsewhere, and even Dan O'Dowd can turn a haul like that into big-time help down the road.
But that would have meant paying Holliday his one-year, eight-figure tender this season, an option that became more loathsome to the Rockies every day. You may have noticed that we're adrift in some pretty fucked economic waters. Folks are looking for ways to trim spending, ways like not buying sports tickets and catching the game on the tube instead. Hell, the Yankees can't even sell out all the suites in their new stadium, and the Red Sox have frozen ticket prices. If those teams are feeling the pinch, how do the Rockies--arguably dead last in fan demand among Denver's four big pro teams--feel about revenue expectations?
Gonzalez, Smith and the chips acquired via Street all share one quality--they're cheap. We all hate teams that act first and foremost out of financial self-interest, but ask yourself: How many Rockies games did you attend last year? For me, it was one. That makes 2008 yet another year in which I attended more games at Invesco than I did at Coors, even though the latter are cheaper and ten times more prevalent than the former. Until a legitimate baseball tradition is established in Denver, these money decisions will tend to go this way.
Rockies fans, watch what Billy Beane does now with Holliday. He'll hold him as long as he needs to, then either trade him or let him walk, either way netting future stars. As inevitable as this week's trade was, it's a source of legitimate frustration to see a superstar slugger vacate and see so little frontline pitching come back. The Rockies always hit, and even if they trade Garrett Atkins before March they'll hit in '09. What they can't do is either develop ace starting pitching or convince an established ace to sign here. Until this is fixed all the Matt Hollidays in the world won't make this franchise a consistent winner.
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Nothing really to add to 7's take below except for GAAAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa.
Fucking Tatum Bell. Wasn't Wali Lundy available? Ron Dayne. Why not Ron Dayne? I've never written that sentence before. But for chrissakes, Ron Dayne. Anyone but Tatum.
I'll be surprised if he lasts very long. Noted non-rumormonger Mike Florio mentioned that he'd recently been working selling cell phones in a local mall. Good jumping Christ.
And how about that Rockies front office? Stealing, as I frequently do, ideas from afternoon sports talk radio, I'd just like to thank the caller on 104.3 FM this afternoon who brought up the following issue re: the recent trade of Matt Holliday to the Oakland A's for Huston Street, Brighton Boulevard and a tub of liniment to be named later: how long did the Monforts and their toadies promise the future, the future, the future? And what happened when the future actually arrived?
This goes beyond the trade itself, beyond the players and numbers. Really, no one honestly expected this team to keep Holliday; and, predictably, O'Dowd & The Meat Brothers hemmed and hawed and wasted time and made noise about being a small-market club and lowballed him. He in turn did exactly what a neutral observer would have expected an All-Star caliber client of Scott Boras to do, i.e. scoff and await the inevitable. Nothing too surprising about that particular sequence of events.
And that's the problem. It's just so stupid. Disheartening too, for sure, but really just stupid.
Whatever cold afterglow remained from the successes of seasons back is now definitely gone. The team's one bona fide superstar, gone. The biggest box office draw, the Oklahoma kid with the square jaw who charmed mullet-wearing ladies from Wray and LoDo floozies alike, gone to the second city by the bay, the birthplace of Too Short.
It most definitely did not have to turn out this way. If they were going to trade him they should have done so months ago, before they lost all leverage at the GM Meetings and ended up taking a bath. Or, just maybe, they could have taken a chance on a really good player, gotten creative and figured out a way to keep him. They could have held on to their most valuable piece, retained some goodwill among the Mile High roundball cognoscenti and probably even justified the inevitable increase in ticket prices. Instead, they moved him out at clearance prices andstabbed him in the back for good measure. Keeping him may not have been feasible in the long run. But giving him away was positively ridiculous.
And that's why the Rockies will never be a consistently successful franchise. They are perpetually afraid of the mistakes of the past--they only think on a track, rolling forward and backward. Helton is an ossified reminder of their past excesses, but this franchise is haunted just as much by the spectre of angry little Mike Hampton. Of broken Bill Swift. Of Colfax Whore-lovin' Denny Neagle. As long as the Monforts own the team, fans of the local nine will be experiencing scenes like this on a regular basis. Oh, along with losing. Lots and lots of losing.
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And down the stretch they come. Tampa won a nail-biter at the Trop last night to regain a one-game lead over Boston in the AL East. The Phillies ascended once again to first in the NL East. In the AL Central, the White Sox are capitalizing on the fading Twins and hold a two and a half game edge. And out in the NL West it appears that the Dodgers could have finally locked up their race, holding a four and a half game lead with 11 to play.
Meanwhile, at the bottom of that same NL West, a couple of sorry clubs wrap up their season series with an afternoon delight at Coors Field. Watch it, if you must...
San Diego @ Colorado, 1:05 Mountain Livan Hernandez gets the nod in this one, and that's pretty much all you need to know about the Colorado Rockies this year. To find a culprit in the crime that is the 2008 season look no further than the performance on the mound. Instead of going after Dan Haren, Dan O'Dowd stood pat and watched Jeff Francis, Ubaldo Jimenez and Franklin Morales (remember him?) flounder. Livan came over in a deadline deal for the playoff push that never materialized. Lightning in a bottle only strikes once, kids--get some pitching.
As for the Padres, it's the Josh Geer Show today. Who's Josh Geer? It really doesn't matter, because we've got a San Diego team visiting a Denver team. There will surely be some umpiring tomfoolery afoot, what some may label home cookin'. In fact, I hear Ed Hochuli is throwing out the first pitch. Play Ball!
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Today's docket seems hand-selected for the House of Georges. We've got a Royals game for Roy F. Almania and Co., a Cubs contest for Cecil and all the bandwagon poseurs, a Rockies game for residents of the Centennial State and finally a Marlins-Giants game for...um...well, for people who like to bet. All that's missing is a Red Sox-Angels game, but we know how those tend to end up. Best to leave it off.
So gather round, kids, with a glass of lemonade and a transistor radio, and take a nice cool sip of Baseball In The Daytime...
Kansas City @ Cleveland, 10:05 Mountain At what was once known as Jacobs Field (or "The Jake" to hipsters round the bend), the Royals visit the Indians this afternoon. Or this morning, if you tilt westward. Cliff Lee attempts to burnish his Cy Young credentials as he shoots for his 18th win against only two defeats, while Zach Grienke tries to run his win total into double digits.
Cincinnati @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 At the Friendly Confines, former Cubbie skipper Dusty Baker brings his duffel bag full of toothpicks and his team bus full of Redlegs to play some baseball. My prediction of a Reds' playoff berth looks pretty foolish right now. Go ahead, take your shots. They're nothing like what Cincy starter Josh Fogg will face in this dangerous Cub lineup, while Carlos Zambrano gets the call for the home nine.
Colorado @ LA Dodgers, 1:10 Jorge de la Rosa wears the purple while Derek Lowe sports the blue in this NL Central West showdown at Dodger Stadium. The Rox have been a little feisty this week, taking two in a row from LA to knock the Dodgers out of first. But Arizona is now scoring runs and winning, so it's probably all in vain. The Blake Street Bombers sit eight back of the D'Bags in the division and are still waiting for someone, anyone, to give them some reliable outs on the mound.
Florida @ San Francisco, 1:45 When I saw the pitching slate listed as Johnson/Palmer, I thought "Sweet!" Randy Johnson versus Jim Palmer, Hall of Famer against Hall of Famer, should be a great game. But then I remembered that it's 2008, not 1989. And then I remembered that Jim Palmer retired long before The Unit even finished his amateur career at USC. And then I remembered that this is the Marlins and Josh Johnson, and these are the Giants and Matt Palmer. And then I went back to work. Good luck, gentlemen, and Play Ball!
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It's Live Attendance Week here at the HoG, as our various staff members have decided to purchase tickets for actual baseball games. Banky took in the Royals' home tilt against the defending champs last night, where his boys got smoked and his one of his key fantasy cogs left with an injury. Cecil and I are scheduled to drop by for the Rockies' game versus San Diego on Saturday with the wives, where I'll watch Greg Maddux pitch live for the first time. And I'm sure Anachro is bunkered at the Los Anaheim Sports Complex scouting his Halos. He's the only one of us that makes the time to regularly watch his team in the flesh, although the duties of fatherhood and husbandry definitely take their toll.
Even if you live in the remote wilderness like I do, I think it's vital to take in at least one pro baseball game each summer. We went to a few spring training contests back in March, which was nice. But I'm talking real baseball, baseball that counts. Although we're discussing the Rockies, Royals and Padres. Never mind on that, let's go to Baseball In The Daytime...
San Diego @ NY Mets, 10:10 Mountain As botched as the firing of Willie Randolph was--and make no mistake, it was botched--it did give the Mets a boost in the short term. They're back to underachieveing, but today's starter is the key to their postseason hopes. If Johan Santana pitches like Johan Santana, that's the edge over the Phillies and Marlins that Los Mets need. Josh Banks is the other guy.
Florida @ Philadelphia, 11:05 Those two teams that New York is chasing in the NL East face off in Philly today, with Chris Volstad and Cole Hamels doing the honors of starting. These Marlins are basebal zombies, they will. not. die. Uggla and/or Ramirez in slumps? No problem. Awful pitching? Who cares? They have the resilience of cock-a-roaches, which Tony Montana can not kill.
LA Dodgers @ St Louis, 12:15 Another day, another closer for the Cards. After Jason Isringhausen battled injury and suckitude, the Redbirds installed Ryan Franklin, who was great. But then Izzy came back off the DL and infected Franklin with his funk, now neither can get an out. Enter Chris Perez, last night's savior. Today? Tune in to find out. Kyle Lohse tries to get a lead to Perez or whomever, while LA's Clayton Kershaw tries not to shit his pants.
Washington @ Colorado, 1:05 & 4:00 That's right, kids, let's play two! Due to last night's torrential storm that forced many residents to build arks, a doubleheader is on tap at Coors this afternoon. The return of Jeff Francis has been delayed, further proof that Mother Nature loathes Canada. Francis faces Jason Bergmann in the opener, while Odalis Perez and Ubaldo Jimenez do the deed in Game Two. Head on down to LoDo and Play Ball!
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Today we have one -- count 'em, one -- sunshine-sparked contest on the diamond...ah-ah-ah. And of course it involves the Cubsters of Chi-town. But wait...this single unit of day baseball is bursting with windy-city glory as, you guessed it, the visitors are Ozzie Guillen's stockings in white. You don't need me to tell you that that's good stuff, folks. We'll examine the game a smidge, along with some other news of the diamond sort, once we (Editor's Note: Please. Use your best Casey Kasem voice for these next four words.) jump, jive...an' wail.
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Alrighty then. Now that that's done...
Sox @ Cubs, 1:20: Really. Call the contest what you will. It's a battle of lefties, the challenge of Chicago, an Illinois scrap of first-placers. Either way, John Danks dukes it out with Ted Lilly in a dual of last names with endless joke possibilities. Danks and the visiting stockings bring a 41-31 lead (4-4/2.90 for the hurler) into Wrigley, while the Baby Bears sit at 45-28, and place Lilly's 7-5/4.76 in front of them. The leaders of both these Central divisions will be eager to gain ground on their second-place foes as each starts a new series today. The Cubs are coming off a three-game skid, but slightly relish in the fact that St. Louis just dropped three in a row as well. The White Sox, on the other hand, have won three straight, but so have the pesky Twins. Currently, St. Louis is three and-a-half games back, while Minnesota must chop one more contest out of the first-place way. Anyway, catch this gem on the WGNs, of course. The DirecTVs will also have it, if you crank that dial to the 722 mark, while 184 can plug you in to it over on W-BALZ the XMs.
In evening games of HoG noteworthiness, the Giants come to KC for a visit, and neither team has Barry Bonds on the payroll. Thank. Christ. We would never've heard the end of that one. The Red Sox travel to Busch Stadium for a rematch of the '04 World Series, and, as has been the gig throughout this inter-league run, one of these kids is doin' his own thing; Los Mets travel to Coors Field for some regular ol' NL baseball.
Elsewhere in the baseball 'spheres, Walkoff Walk has an extensive write-up on the Seattle manager firing. Speaking of firings, here's an interesting dilemna, thanks, Bugs and Cranks. In other Mets news, Cousins of Ron Mexico scared me with this post on The Big Lead. And everyone knows you can't mention New York baseball without talking about the Yankees, so Knuckle Curve reminds us that Derek Jeter is overrated. By a lot.
That's it for today, y'all. Enjoy your weekend of great baseball matchups if you're in the stands. If you're on the diamond, I beg you: Please hustle on the base paths, especially down to first on those infield grounders.
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On that note we display the sole day game on today's docket. You know who it is--it's Friday, the Cubs are home, you ain't got no job, and you ain't got shit to do but watch this game. And it's a Rockies game no less. After the jump we'll preview this sucker, and we'll get into a little pre-mortem autopsy of why one of these clubs has the NL's best record while the other sports the worst...
Colorado @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Mountain After a humiliating sweep at the hands of Chase Utley and the Phillies, the Rox slunk into the Second City yesterday and proceeded to fumble away yet another game. Remember the 2006 World Series, when Tiger pitchers could not throw balls within the vicinity of bases one through three? Colorado's bullpen reenacted it last night, with much historical authenticity. Today Aaron Cook will attempt to throw accurately to all those bases plus home plate, while pharmaceutical heir Ted Lilly has a prescription of his own.
Now both of these teams made the playoffs last year, and both brought back roughly the same roster. Why do the Cubs seem so much improved while Colorado has regressed spectacularly?
Chicago is first in the NL in runs scored (304, 5.6/game) OPS (.808) and batting average (.284), while Colorado is 14th in OPS (.714) and average (.256). The Rox have plated 224 runs, good for 4.1 a game (13th in the league) and less than the Cardinals, Marlins, Pirates and 50 fewer than the Diamondbacks. The same Diamondbacks that a year ago tallied almost 150 fewer runs than these Rockies.
The former Blake Street Bombers languish in homers (38, 14th in the NL) and extra base hits (159, 10th). The former can be excused in part by injuries to sluggers Matt Holliday, Garrett Atkins and Brad Hawpe, but the latter is puzzling to say the least. Even with the Coors Field humidor taking some of the jump out of baseballs, the park still has the deepest dimensions and most spacious power alleys in the game. With the young sticks and young legs that pepper the lineup, this club should never flounder in doubles and triples as it has. They can't hit.
Chicago, meanwhile, can. They're fourth in the league in home runs at 56, and second in extra-base hits (183). Although Alfonso Soriano runs like a club-footed vagrant trying to catch a bus on a cold morning, he still puts good wood on the ball. Kosuke Fukudome is nothing less than a pure hitter at the major league level and sports a .409 on-base. Aramis Ramirez drives everybody home (38 RBI) and the deep and versatile options Lou Piniella has in Theriot, DeRosa, Cedeno, Reed Johnson and even gimpy old Jim Edmonds give the lineup spark everyday.
But if you want two big answers as to why the Chicago Cubs have turned into an elite offense, look no further than Geovany Soto and Derrek Lee. Soto, the rookie catcher, is slugging .559 while playing in 50 out of 54 games. Lee is nothing less than an early MVP candidate with 13 HR--this following a lackluster 2007 season that was hampered by a power-sapping wrist injury.
On the hill, the Cubs are equally impressive. Their 3.56 ERA is second in the NL while the opponent's batting average of .243 ranks third. Even with the implosion of Rich Hill, the rotation has been sturdy, and the bullpen lights out. Carlos Marmol may be the most consistently unhittable pitcher in the game, and even Kerry Wood is holding it together from the closer's spot. That's not meant to be a jinx either, Cubs fans, I'm actually impressed.
Up in the high mountain air, the Rockies' pitching has been as atrocious as their hitting. Their 4.93 ERA is 15th out of 16 National League clubs, and they yield a .272 batting average to their foes. The starting five has been a five-alarm grease fire, with a very pre-humidor 5.46 ERA. Franklin Morales was sent down, Mark Redman was cut, and Jeff Francis and Ubaldo Jimenez have only recently begun to look like professional pitchers.
The only aspect of Colorado's performance that's not way off from last season is their fielding--measured by the archaic fielding percentage stat they're within shouting distance of 2007's record-setting mark, last night's foibles included. Gazing at these numbers, one can only conclude that the magical run the Rox took last year was a huge fluke. This is a young, impatient, undisciplined, thoroughly shitty team.
Back on the North Side, however, things look rosy as all hell. The pieces are all in place for a run of their own, and dare I say a World Series championship. OK, that one was a jinx. Sorry about that.
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Two day games take place in the majors today. One, at shiny and relatively new Coors Field, features a couple clubs that enjoy acclaimed home stadia. The other, coming at you from the Al Davis Creepatorium, will showcase two teams looking for new digs. After the jump, all the basebally architecture you can handle...
San Francisco @ Colorado, 1:05 Mountain If the Rockies were a dog on a farm, they'd have been taken out back and shot by now. It seems incredible that a team which enjoyed so much success last year is playing out the string before Memorial Day, yet here we are. If I can offer my brainy expert analysis as to why this club is awful, it would be this: they suck at every aspect of the game of baseball. They don't hit, especially in late, close or clutch situations. They don't get anybody out, either with their pitching or their defense. And I'm pretty sure that Clint Hurdle has had a tanning bed installed in the dugout. Today the Dominican Walk Machine, Ubaldo Jimenez, tries to avoid any further embarrassment for this franchise. His doppelganger is Jonathan Sanchez of the Giants, who's dirty.
Tampa @ Oakland, 1:35 This one's a rematch of Super Bowl XXXVII, only with a smaller ball, fewer pads and Frank Thomas playing the role of Warren Sapp. Both the Bay-Rays and the A's sit in second place these days, after briefly inhabiting the top spot of their respective divisions. They were also the only two teams to sport green unis, until Tampa bitched out, ditched the "Devil" and bought some new born-again threads. Today's starters are Dana Eveland and Andy Sonnanstine, a pair that sounds as if they'll be applying for a civil union at the Alameda County Courthouse following the game.
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What I'm saying is, there are a lot of games. Six to be exact. And I don't have a coherent theme to tie them all together. Shit, yesterday I had a pounding headache and a gerbil in my throat and I came up with something...
San Francisco @ Pittsburgh, 10:35 Mountain The Battle For The Honor Of Matt Morris concludes today at the confluence of the Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio Rivers. Morris was a washed-up old hack pulling down an eight-figure salary from the Giants last year when Brian Sabean snookered the Pirates into taking him on. After really, really blowing throughout April, Pittsburgh released him a couple weeks back. Who looks dumber? Find out today, as Matt Cain and Paul Maholm toe the same rubber Morris once did.
San Diego @ Atlanta, 11:00 If funny pitcher names are your thing, it doesn't get much better than Wilfredo Ledezma versus Jo-Jo Reyes. In fact, I'm pretty sure The Wilfredo And Jo-Jo Fun-Time Comedy Revue is the highest-rated television series in Honduras. True story.
Cleveland @ NY Yankees, 11:05 The star of this show is human growth hormone. Numerous Yankees have either fessed up or been named in the Mitchell Report, and today's Indian starter Paul Byrd made a tear-filled confession amidst the Tribe's defeat of the Yanks in last year's ALDS. Mike Mussina, who'll get the ball for the Bombers, may be clean. He does hate black people. I have no idea how he feels about Indians.
Minnesota @ Chicago White Sox, 12:05 At one point early in the history of this nation, Chicago was a remote outpost on the edge of civilization, the northern- and westernmost place a settler could go without being ingested by grizzly bears. Little did anyone know, however, that Swedish Vikings were living it up at the headwaters of the Mississippi river, site of present day Minneapolis. What's any of this have to do with Ozzie Guillen and inflatable fuck dolls? Good question. Kevin Slowey and John Danks start, you decide.
St. Louis @ Colorado, 1:05 The Rockies' feeble defense of their NL pennant continues, and now they're finding pitchers in the Westword personal ads: ISO available swarthy gentlemens, Hi K rates, Lo ERA, drug and disease free. Well, that last part's negotiable. This afternoon's lucky bachelor is Jorge De La Rosa, recently of the Brewers but, let's be honest, he's pitched everywhere. Badly. He'll engage in warfare with Kyle Lohse.
Philadelphia @ Arizona, 1:40 One might call this a Clash Of Aces, but then one might have his frame of reference stuck in 2006. Brandon Webb is indeed the ace of the home D'Bags, and he's the early favorite for the NL Cy Young award. Brett Myers, however, is a shell of his once-dominant self. His velocity is shot and he looks like a marmot. Lucky for him, he's got a woman that don't talk back.
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It's Fantasy Baseball Week here at the House, and I'll spend a little time breaking down the season so far, in particular the Ted Williams Frozen Head league that all us HoG farmers participate in. In the past I've given Banky a gentle ribbing in this space over some of his management decisions, and that's made him very, very angry. So Bank gets a pass and I'll instead focus on fellow staffer Cecil. His Fort Meast Blood Badgers are, thus far, the Ted's finest team. In fact, he's playing yours truly this week, and I'll regale you with updates--because there's absolutely nothing more thrilling than hearing about somebody else's fantasy team. I'll also analyze the cellar-dwellers, who've assembled two of the worst clubs I've ever seen.
If you missed the HBO special Bob Costas hosted last night, you should attempt to catch the re-air in the next week or two (I had no luck digging up a YouTube clip). Utterly jaw-dropping. I have to get into it later in the day, because it touches on so many nerves--sports, blogs, talk radio, ESPN, angry old dick journalists, the death of newspapers, privileged athletes, privileged sportswriters, Big Daddy Drew, dudes in their moms' basements typing in their underwear. Stay tuned, and enjoy the day games after the jump...
Chicago White Sox @ Minnesota, 11:10 Mountain These two AL Central rivals renew unpleasantries under the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome today. Nick Blackburn starts for the home team, while the visitors turn to Nick Masset for a spot start, the second of his career. It's hot Nick on Nick action. But it's not Nick at Nite, because it's Baseball In The Daytime.
Pittsburgh @ NY Mets, 11:10 The Florida Marlins have led the NL East for the last few weeks, a mirage all of baseball knew would eventually pass. Today may be the day, as the mighty Mets have pulled to within a half-game of the Fish and face another low-payroll outfit. The Pittsburgh Pirates make one of their last appearances at Shea, led by starting pitcher Tom Gorzelanny. His mound foe? None other than Oliver Perez, the ex-Pirate. Awk-ward.
Cincinnati @ St Louis, 11:15 This game at Busch IV (?) features the afternoon's strongest head-to-head pitching duel, Aaron Harang v. Braden Looper. If you worked in a sandwich shop, however, and either Aaron Harang or Braden Looper called in an order, you'd laugh out loud at those names.
Houston @ Arizona, 1:40 Fuck me, Arizona is good. I did not think their young offense could simultaneously catch fire this year, yet they're leading the world in every hitting stat. I knew their pitching would be good, but not this good. Now they call up this kid Max Scherzer, who looks like an unhittable witch doctor out of the pen. I was wrong, the Diamondbacks are right. Greeley native Shawn Chacon gets the unenviable task of pitching to these freaks today, while Unit does the same to the Astros. I hope the ten-run rule is in effect, it may be needed.
Colorado @ San Francisco, 1:45 Meanwhile, the D'Bags opponent in last year's NLCS is doing a nice job of blowing the entire season before the start of May. Franklin Morales was sent down to Colorado Springs yesterday, while his righthanded compliment Ubaldo Jimenez has one start--today--to save his job in the rotation. Jimenez would most likely already be riding a Triple-A bus if he had any options left, as he's walked virtually every batter he's faced this season. You might think a game against the Giants would be good for what ails ya, but at this point San Fran is a better team than Colorado. Ouch. Dirty Jonathan Sanchez hurls for the Giants.
Atlanta @ Washington, 2:35 No one has seen more of the Nationals' new park than the Braves, who are in the midst of their third trip to DC this month. No one, of course, other than the Nationals themselves. And the contractors that built it. And the pigeons that roost there. Those pigeons will today witness a start by Jair Jurrjens, who came to Atlanta in the Edgar Renteria trade last winter. The Nats go with Shawn Hill, who'll make his second start of the season following a stint on the DL. Keep it clean, boys, and Play Ball!
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After the jump, your starters for this NL Central event plus a few thoughts on this week in horsehide happenings...
Pittsburgh @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Mountain Rich Hill hasn't exactly set the world on fire thus far in 2008. His two starts have yielded nine innings, five earned runs and a tater. I'll bet you can figure out his ERA with that data, and if not the public education has failed our nation. Hill will share the mound with Ian Snell today--the hard-throwing righthander is now the Pirates' franchise pitcher after signing a tasty contract during spring training.
Walkoff Walk Watch The Watch has the day off today, but feel free to head on over and review the WoWtastic afternoon updates on your own time. Expect a pop quiz next week.
Bits Of Baseball The folks are all abuzz over the shocking (shocking!) revelations that Miguel Tejada bullshitted 'bout his birthday. If you're at all aware of the data surrounding hitters' peak output at certain ages you'll understand the fuss, but if you're also aware of the shady web of weirdness that takes place in Latin American contract negotiations you'll quickly dismiss it. Tejada's 40, El Duque is 50 and Julio Franco is eligible for Social Security.
The way ESPN handled it, though, is a hoot. Check out the gotcha-style interview techniques, as if Tejada had been Client No. 10 or had ties to Al Qaeda.
I'm much more concerned with the revelation that Prince Fielder has converted to vegetarianism than I am with lyin' old Tejada. You have got to be shitting me. As a complete moronic sucker that snagged Prince in the first round of a fantasy draft a fortnight ago, I feel snookered, hoodwinked and bamboozled. Prince Fielder has got to be the shittiest vegetarian ever. You're a big fat 50-homer slugging one-sacker, Tubby, not a teenage girl. Get back on the bacon. I'm sick.
Banky reminds me that today is Billy Butler's birthday, but I'm waiting for ESPN to uncover a copy of his Dominican birth certificate to confirm this. STAY TUNED.
The Rockies emerged victorious in a 22-inning war at Petco last night, as shitbag bum Troy Tulowitzki knocked in the game-winning unearned run after last call (Editor's Note: That'll be the last WaPo link for a while, we're boycotting in solidarity over the Ape Affair). Tulo's not really a bum, he's just killing another fantasy team of mine. Perhaps he's sworn off the meast as well. Whatever heroic feats these fat jerks performed last night, none of them struck out 44 batters like this broad did.
Finally, I know the games between the Yankees and the Red Sox receive little media scrutiny and are often ignored altogether by the sporting press. That' a shame, because there's some durn good players on those two clubs that could use a little love.
Seriously though, it's a little amazing what just happened during that two-game series in the Bronx. A-Rod hit a bomb to pass Sox great Ted Williams one one night, and Manny did the same to Yankee legend Lou Gehrig the next. During the final year of the ballpark where all of the guys played--sort of. What are the odds of that? I know, since we see Yanks-Sox 30 times a year, pretty good. Now go on and Play Ball!
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Turning back to MLB, it's Thursday, and that means a handful of getaway games before the weekend series. So take a peek at today's schedule, and maybe you'll find something to occupy your eyeballs until the broadcast from Augusta gets underway at 2:00 Mountain...
Seattle @ Tampa Bay, 10:40 The leadoff contest today is an early tilt at the Trop in Tampa. Even with all of their bullpen foibles, the Mariners stand on the precipice of sweeping the Bay-Rays. Starting assignments go to Miguel Batista, who's horrible but is an accomplished writer and once gave my wife an autograph, and Edwin Jackson, who's just horrible.
Cincinnati @ Milwaukee, 11:05 With every passing day, the Reds bandwagon swells with membership. They hammered the Brew Crew 12-4 yesterday, and they stand to win the series behind ace Aaron Harang today. Carlos Villanueva is your Brewers' starter.
Atlanta @ Colorado, 1:05 The slumbering lumber finally awoke at Coors last night. The Rox plated a dozen runs against the Braves, this after scoring the same amount through the first week of the season. Holliday is finally heating up, and the timely hits with runners on are showing up. Tim Hudson is charged with slowing down the onslaught today, while Jeff Francis tries to turn in his first non-dismal start of the year.
Baltimore @ Texas, 3:05 Yesterday's rainout necessitates today's doubleheader, with Game One dropping the puck under the Lone Star sunshine (or perhaps more rain). The Orioles, yes the Orioles, are the hottest team in the whole damn sport and have yet to lose a game in the month of April. This is better than going undefeated in, say, January, because these games count! Bud Selig, feel free to use that line in pimping the mighty Baltimore Orioles. Steve Trachsel starts today against Kevin Millwood, making this pretty much the most unwatchable pile of crap game ever imagined, but remember--the Orioles are on fire!
So whether you're driving the fairway at Augusta or facing a 79-mph Trachsel heater, keep your head down, and Play Ball!
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