Sleeping with the Enemy: Week Ten, Steelers @ Chiefs

Greetings and welcome back in for another installment of "Sleeping with the Enemy," where we wax pigskin of a fan of the opposing team.

Today's special guest is none other than Haliwood, who's a long-time friend, a Canadian, and, yes, he thumped me soundly in fantasy football in week two of this season. Given my fantasy track record, though, that ain't sayin' much.

Either way, our chat proved interesting in that 'Wood happens to have a special place in his heart for both clubs squaring off this weekend. See who gets the edge in his book, after the jump.

Bankmeister: For starters, give us your football-fan background. Am I correct in assuming that your both a Steelers and a Chiefs fan? Tell us how this came to be.

Haliwood: Born in Pittsburgh during the Steel Curtain days. We moved away earlier than I remember, and moved often, but no matter where we were it was always a Steeler household. I moved to KC at the start of high school where I played h.s. football and entered into my formidable drinking years...a Chiefs fan was the next obvious step.

B: I see. Can you give us, then, your three favorite Chiefs and three favorite Steelers memories?

H: All of my fondest Chiefs memories are of the pregame tailgating. I've still yet to attend a sporting event that smells so damn good before the game. Getting drunk on beer, BBQ and bloody mary's probably explains why I don't have many memories after kickoff. I sure loved watching DT play. Hungryman pot pies, pinky casts and “...so good you can eat it on ice cream”. As for the Steelers, two of the three would be the last two Super Bowl victories in the last three years. The third I'll reserve for learning to swear at the TV with pops.

B: That's good stuff. Let's talk Pittsburgh for a minute. It's well accepted that Bill Cowher was one of the better coaches in the NFL leading up to his retirement. How do you think Mike Tomlin compares so far? I like to say that he's the best black coach (or bloach as we say here in the House) the league has ever seen. Will Cowher return?

H: First thing I'd like to say about Cower is how happy I was when he was chosen to succeed Chuck Noll. I was definitely a fan of his as the Chiefs D coordinator. Fast forward to the bloach...I'm not sure if I could say anything more that you've probably heard a thousand times as broadcasters' talking points. About what a no-nonsense, stand up kind of character he is, a regular player's coach. In short, a guy who fits perfectly with the values of the Pittsburgh Steeler organization. Best black coach? Perhaps. I guess I've never thought about that sub-category as a group, but even then there's some quality acts there. I'm psyched to have Tomlin as the head coach even though I can't say I knew anything about him before he landed the job. I think those Rooneys know a thing or two about what they're doing. Cowher back as a head coach? I'd personally bet on it, though I'm not looking forward to having that jaw pointing at me from the other side of the field.

B: What about Big Ben? When he's not raping girls, and he's out there on the field, how does he compare to his NFL quarterback counterparts? Top 10? Top five? What do you think are his strengths and weaknesses.

H: I love Big Ben. Like most of the players/coaches on this team he just feels like he belongs. Ben's play isn't the most precise or fancy, it's got the grit of the Steel City. Cheesy, sure, but you know what I mean. His ability to improvise, extend the play, or stand tall when all around him is collapsing is fun to watch. It is easily his biggest strength and weakness. Top five quarterback currently playing in the NFL, easily. Not necessarily top five fantasy QB, but much better this year as he's taken command of this offense.

B: Eh. Fantasy. The Pittsburgh running game has been a dominant force for years now. It looked, for a minute, like Fast Willie Parker would follow right in Jerome Bettis' steps and just dominate run defenses. But he's continuing to prove that he can't stay healthy. Has this year suggested that Rashard Mendenhall is now the number-one guy, or does the job continue to go back to a healthy Parker. How about Mewelde Moore? He's a pretty solid back as well. Without looking at numbers, is he a better rock-toter than his days in Minnesota?

H: The running game is a result of the Steelers' commitment to hard-nose football. That has always been the case whether or not they've got a pro bowler in the backfield. I definitely miss having a bruiser like The Bus back there, but Fast Willie Parker has been fun to watch...one helluva fast mutha. As for FWP's future, honestly, I think he's probably done being the feature back. I thank him for his efforts and his contributions in the last two Super Bowl victories and hope he continues to have success. I just personally feel that a feature back can only last a few dominating years in today's NFL. I'd certainly still support him as RB1 if Rashard was out. So what do I think of Mendenhall? I dig him. I see great promise, but above all, I trust Tomlin. Mewelde's a stud backup. That's it in a nutshell and something I felt even when he was back in Minny. True, he's got a deserved spot in as a 3rd down back for both his catching and blocking skills. Mostly, I'm just glad to have him there to fill in if needed. Just like Charlie Batch...he's a stud backup too.



B: The receiving corps has also been pretty strong, dating even back to the Plaxico Burress days. Between Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, Limas Sweed, and Heath Miller, it makes defensive game-planning tough, considering the tight running game. Are the Steelers one of the premiere passing teams in the league, or are they a touch overrated?

H: I wouldn't classify them as either. They get the job done, and it all starts with Hines Ward. “Cheapest player in football”? Give me a break. A fucking baller is what he is. And it's been neat to see how he influences the young guys. He dared Santonio to be great for the last SB, and boy was he great. I really like Heath Miller and wouldn't trade him for any other TE in the league. Mike Wallace deserves some props here too. The biggest story this year for me is, as I said earlier, Ben's command of the offense and especially the passing game. I was sad to see Ken Whisenhunt go (kinda thought he deserved the head coaching job at the time), but think that Ben and Arians have developed a great rapport.


B: Wow. Ride that Hines train. Anyway...the Steelers have long been associated with ferocious defense. What makes it so that this club can field a crew of frustrations for offenses year in and year out? Scouting? Defensive coordination?

H: Dick LeBeau and the Steeler's heritage. Again, hard-nosed, blue-collar football. Simple as that. I love all the defensive starters, the ones they've lost and the ones that are ready to fill in.

B: What about Jeff Reed? He's got to be the most famously idiotic kicker in NFL history. Have you kept up with all of his shenanigans?



H: Oh ya, he's a great drunk. At least he can make the odd FG in Heinz Field in the wind and snow.

B: What about the Chiefs? Your thoughts on the new regime...Were Pioli and Haley good hires? What about the Matt Cassel signing? Is this guy gonna pan out? Will he prove he's worth $63 million? And Larry Johnson? Got an opinion on his departure?

H: Ya know, I can't say. I think there are all those questions and more that could go either way. And that's probably more disconcerting than anything. I've never had to bear with a team undergoing such a regime change. LJ is an easy one... move on and good luck with that. No ill will, really, I'd just rather move on. Freaking hilarious that he was dropped before he could break Holmes' record... I'm still laughing about that one. Even in his prime, I'd rather have LJ on my fantasy team than in my football organization. I'd like to believe Cassel is the real deal but he's gonna need a lot more support. Haley's cool but he's still got a lot to prove and Pioli I don't know jack shit about.

B: I see. How many more contests, if any, will the Chiefs win this season? And next?

H: Two more victories this year...the Browns and one of the Broncos matchups (that's right Donkey fans, suck it). Maybe they can beat the Bills, too. Next year they double this year's victories...I do think it's an team that has nowhere to go but up.

B: Finally, the game: Will the Chiefs be embarrassed like they were after the Passion Party? Gotta score prediction? Who do you root for in such meetings?

H: As I said before, it's always been a Steeler household no matter where I've lived, so they come first. That doesn't mean I won't have a proper KC-style BBQ for the event. Sorry to say, but I feel bad for the Chiefs this weekend. The Steelers have some things to work out after dropping their second to Cincy last week and might take it out on KC. Steelers win 28-3...great googly moogly.

B: Nice Zappa quote, there. I'm leaning toward heavy agreeance with you on the score. My modification to it: Pittsburgh 26, Kansas City 9.

Here's to a good game. Thanks for dropping by the House.
Read more

Friday Fiction Fix: "Ziggurat"

Last week, the Fiction Fix took a different twist to what had been our typical approach. This week continues that trend. Today's author is a guy named Stephen O'Connor, who has published three novels, and seen shorter works published in The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, Harper's, and many others. He teaches MFA writing at Columbia University and Sarah Lawrence College, received his undergraduate degree from Columbia and his Master's at California-Berkeley.



His piece "Ziggurat" appeared in the final June issue of The New Yorker, and can be found here.

Today, we'll not attempt to excerpt lines and have them tell us another story. Instead, we'll examine a few lines for the sheer sake of the imagery they conjure. For a writer who, in comparison with others that have been featured in FFF, is less acclaimed, this author displays an incredible talent as a wordsmith. For this and this alone, we examine his piece today.

The story begins with a character hammering away at a computer game. There is a Minotaur lurking nearby, a creature that destroys and devours at will, all humans who cross his path.

"It is true that the Minotaur was very strong...But in fact he didn't really look like a bull...His lips were fat and earthworm pink, his eyes were asymmetrical, and his eyebrows were like forests of black wire."



Okay. I lied.

What's fascinating about this piece, though, and really with any good bit of writing, is that the writer's use of language as a descriptor, a compressor of time, and as a vehicle for theme, is tops. For example, his description of human behavior through the eyes of the Minotaur as something that consists of "loud noises and a series of cowardly acts. Running, etc. Curses, self-soiling" is superb.



The creature finds it "not uncommon for one human being to push another into his path, or even to slay that human being...as an offering."

The insight of the monster is inspiring in that it too, has its tendencies.



"(H)e got up and lumbered off to a tiled tunnel, where he could always find a skulking dog or two, sometimes whole packs."

The Minotaur's hunger leads him to constantly consume, to devour incessantly, yet ironically, he has never experienced the simple joys of beer, pool playing, or even sex. He does not even have a favorite place, as we learn, in the labyrinth. He of course cannot discover these things of his own accord. A helper, of sorts, points them out,



giving "him tips about wrist action, momentum, angles of incidence, about which part of the (redacted) ball to hit when, and about the need to care just enough that you noticed you cared, but no more than that."

The Minotaur of course has his view on humans as well: "None of the things they yearned for would come to pass. All their beliefs about destiny and justice, all their rituals, injunctions, inhibitions and plain-as-the-nose-on-your-face truths: trash, irrelevant, wrong."

He loathes those that sit "atop vinyl-covered swivel stools,



savoring their own tasteless and puny repasts..."

On a journey, both characters make discoveries, the helper finds that "(a)t every turn, the geometry of the world was reinvented," that "footsteps were wholly devoured by (the) past." The Minotaur reconsiders his thinking "of himself as a messenger bearing the ultimate truth:



You were created to be destroyed. That was it. Simple."

On their journey, they discover bizzarisms, oddities, like upon entering any diner, "there were always two cups of steaming coffee waiting on the counter. And, nearby, two little stainless-steel pitchers of half-and-half, always brimful and cool, even though there was never anyone else there: no customers, no staff."

Other noteworthy pieces of imagery include a face "like a soap bubble in candlelight," or the fact that the helper can't remember a favorite place either, but is led, by the Minotaur, to a place where a mother's needlepoint cushion "portraying a smiling lamb jumping a fence," a father's chessboard where the toppled king's "bottom rolled around the pivot of its top," and a moving rocking chair with nobody in it.

And the Minotaur finds himself alone for a spell, his steps that shook dust streams from the ceiling," so that "the lamination would dwindle to gossamer cross-hatching, to a golden web..."

O'Connor takes the reader on a trip, in search of enlightenment, hoping to avoid failure, one with numerous interesting twists. If you enjoy the story, navigate to his Web site, where you can find opportunities to purchase some of his works.
Read more

Sunday Sermon: Well I'll Be...

Hold the presses, fine citizens. There's a new bloach in town. After spending much of yesterday crafting one of the longest posts in blogstory, the Tampa Bay Bucs have touched on the very topic in question, promoting recently promoted Raheem Morris to H.N.I.C. of the pirate ship. This of course changes things just a bit, at least in terms of the future.

It was, if only for a short time, thought that perhaps Morris might be the heir to Shanny's mile-high throne, but as we all know, Mosh McDanahan was selected instead. Just as the same was thought with regard to Giants Defensive Coordinator Steve Spagnuolo, with regard to Herman Edwards position in western Missouri, that has proved not to be the case, as "Spags" has opted for the other side of the Missouri River.

That pretty much leaves Chucky and Shanny as possibilities for filling Herm's shoes, should it be decided that Edwards not be retained. This situation for the Chiefs just keeps getting interestinger. Like Tom Petty said, "Waiting...is the hardest part..."
Read more

Saturday Studmuffins: Pittsburgh Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin

Were in not for the Iron Triangle's obsession with the professional football clubs in both Kansas City and Denver, Mike Tomlin might very well have taken up a giant amount of cyber column inches here in the House of Georges. And I'll tell you why. We love football. Some of us get erect for some college football action. Some of us flip through the channels while the various games are on. All of us love the NFL. We have said countless times in here that it's far and above -- and I think most of American sports fans would agree -- the best professional sports league around. Has been for years. On the occasions that our teams are eliminated from, or in some cases don't qualify for, post-season contention, we watch the other games pretty religiously. They're exciting, educational, and sometimes offer bandwagon opportunities. Sometimes they're very painful.

For example, last week's Chargers/Steelers contest was an ugly one for Old No. 7, and I would imagine for Cecil, too. They both have very recent reason to loathe both clubs. They hate the Whale's Vagina, and they don't take kindly to Terrible Towel wavers that invade their stadium and win, especially if it's for a conference championship. Now, I found myself in creep mode from late season up until midway through the post-season: I wanted teams I didn't like to knock off teams I hated, then for the teams I didn't like to lose in the next round. Well, now we're down to teams I don't really have much of an opinion on. I'll elaborate:

1) I'm pulling for the Buzzsaw. This franchise might've turned things around, but for decades, they've shown us that they never will. It's quite possible they'll never get another shot if they don't do it now.

2) I've been a bandwagon fan of Philly teams for about ten years. I'm done rooting for the Eagles, though. As far as I'm concerned, they're up their with the early-90s Bills. There should be a picture of their logo next to "mediocre" in the dictionary. Just fucking lose and go home, already.

3) If there's one team I hate the most in the final four, it's Baltimore. I think it has to do with Art Modell and Brian Billick. Frankly, I think those are two of the biggest pricks in the NFL in my lifetime, and by that I don't mean to say that I've stood at the urinals next to theirs. Plus, as much as I've always admired their defense, their offense has almost always been a joke. You know, I get that you want to build a championship defense, but tilt the equation the tiniest bit so that you can be half a notch above managing the game when you have the ball. Plus, I really thought Tennessee was going to win last week. My bet is that the Steelers absolutely smoke the Ravens.

4) This brings me to my point. When Old No. 7 wrote this post, it was kind of defining yet kind of a shame.

It was defining in that the very first suggestion of his was to make this blog the black coaches blog. We probably recognized how scarce material would be, and moved on. It was kind of a shame because his piece The Ten Worst Black Coaches In NFL History was a priceless gem. It was original in thought, and funny, in that side-splitting kind of way. The best part about it was that it was based on facts, absent of racism. He now calls the piece "hopelessly outdated." I disagree.

There were names in this post, some of which included Tony Dungy, Art Shell, Dennis Green, Herman Edwards, perhaps even Lovie Smith and Marvin Lewis were on there. I don't remember all 10 names, and the fact that this thing vanished into the black hole of some fantasy-baseball message board really pisses me off. It doesn't matter, though. I can't really say what the author's point (if anything beyond humor) was in writing it. I had one as a reader, and it was this: For every ounce of criticism thrust upon football for not having enough black coaches, for every minority-candidate regulation the league creates because of said criticism, there are 100 ounces of evidence showing that, for the most part, black coaches are pretty darn bad.

Hang on a minute. I know what you're going to do. You're firing up your Power Point presentation on the Bloach Bukkake that was the Lovie/Dungy Super Bowl. I'm asking you to sit tight. The NFL was formed in 1920. Now, I don't know who to deem the official first African-American head coach in the NFL. If it's Fritz Pollard, then he became such in 1921. One could say that it's Art Shell, and probably have a better argument. In 1989, Shell was hired, and a few short years later, Green was on the scene. Both those guys, despite stigmas attached to them in recent years, were pretty darn successful. Shell made the playoffs in three of his seven years coaching. Green made it eight of 13 times. Green also made it his first three consecutive years, appearing in two conference championships to Shell's one.

Fast forward to 2006. Expect ludicracy and accusations.

I think the hype over Super Bowl XLI was really unfortunate. Prior to that year, no bloach had ever made the Super Bowl, or obviously won one. But cue grand ol' 2006, and lo and behold, there's one representing each conference, a guaranteed winner, a day to remember for centuries to come. Not only have we never commemorated any other fill-in-the-blank American for being the first of his heritage to make the Super Bowl, we never will, and that's a problem, but not one I'm going to explore today, or probably ever. But God in heaven shower this racist land with fiery bolts of torture if we don't mention the AA factor a solid 1700 times minimum. My point, though, is that those two guys, just because they made the big game, aren't necessarily the best bloaches ever. They are in fact, pretty darn choketacular when it comes to huge games.

Let's have a look at that post-season:

AFC
On the last Sunday of the regular season, Kansas City had to win at home, they needed Tennessee to lose at home to New England, the Steelers to beat the Bengals in Cincinnati, and they needed the 49ers to beat the Broncos in Denver. They also needed six point three winning Lotto tickets, nine rabbits feet, and a bowl of Lucky Charms with chocolate milk in it. They got it, and the Chiefs travel to Indy to face the Colts. This is basically Herman Edwards, in his first year in KC, backing in to the post-season with Dick Vermeil's team, and he, in true Gannon-Grbac fashion, ruins any chance of winning by benching the hot hand, and starting the still-woozy-from-concussion Trent Green. Not only do the Chiefs -- who netted eight points in that game -- not get a first down until the third quarter is halfway over, but Edwards, Dungy, and Smith are spotted dining with one another the previous evening. Heard from a neighboring table at that restaurant was, "After tomorrow, you gon' owe me one, Tony."

I might've made that up, but plug Denver or Tennessee into that contest, and you've got a better team and a better coach, making the road a much different one for the Colts. A week later they travel to Baltimore and face a Ravens team that actually manages to score fewer points than the Chiefs did against the Colts. In the conference championship, the Colts finally have a worthy opponent in Tom Brady and the New England Patriots, a quarterback and a club that had historically owned Peyton Manning and the Colts. In an amazing game, Dungy's club gets the edge by four, and advances.

NFC
In the Nobody Freakin' Cares side of things, the Saints knock off the (as mentioned) always choketastic Eagles by a field goal in the Wildcard round, while the Seahawks, courtesy of the infamous Romo blunder, advance past Dallas to face the Bears, only to lose by a field goal. The Bears of course make easy work of New Orleans, bringing us to the championship Bloachfest known as the Dungy-Smith showdown. Obviously, there are unique circumstances in every game, especially in the post-season. I'm of the opinion that the road paved by destiny for that Super Bowl was one of bizarre fate and circumstance, leaving an asterisk on the legend of the black-coach page in history's annals. And I wrote all of that to say this:

Mike Tomlin is the real deal.

The Pittsburgh Steelers are the most well-rounded, tough, physical team the NFL playoffs have seen in a long, long time, and I seriously doubt that any of these three other teams left could stop them if they faced them head to head. For this, I give Tomlin all of the credit.

Of course he inherited a great Bill Cowher-coached team, but he has followed that course of success and created a monster. Old No. 7 once said that Tony Dungy is one of the best Monday-Saturday coaches in the history of the game, but come Sunday he's somewhere beneath mediocre. Seven is also steadfast in the theory that an excellent quarterback is crucial to winning championships, and I don't disagree with him there. Thus, with Manning under center -- which all but makes an offensive coordinator obsolete -- Dungy appears to be great. Naturally, numbers don't lie, and Dungy's record is beyond impressive. Between Tampa and Indianapolis, he made the playoffs 11 of 13 times, won six division championships and a Super Bowl. He retired with a 139-69 record, though a 9-10 post-season record.

Through five years, Lovie Smith is 45-35, with two division titles and a conference championship. He is on pace -- were he to coach as long as Dungy -- to win fewer games and lose 30 percent more than Dungy. Tomlin has been a head coach for two seasons. He is 22-10, and batting 1.000 at division championships. He's on pace to shatter Dungy's record of what you might call the winningest black coach in NFL history. He has all the makings of an excellent coach: an impressive record, a balanced team, talent, sideline poise and enthusiasm, plus gameday smarts mixed with situational intelligence. I posit that no black coach to date has matched that arsenal.

Like I said, though, I'm pulling for Arizona, since they're the sleeper/Cinderella, and I appreciate how tough their defense has played through two rounds of playoff football. Should something besides a Steeler championship occur, I won't feel bad for Tomlin. I have a hunch he'll be around for a long while, and go down in the books as the best bloach in our lifetime.
Read more

Monday Mayhem: Brain Candy

Quite the week, HoGnation. Quite the week. Hot mitt in hand, I've taken the miniature lid off of my simmering (redacted) and peered into the stewed contents. I can neither sort them in any focus-related way, nor can I list them in any order of importance. I can offer feeble attempts at commentary, however, and I'll do just that after the jump. There won't be any shocking details or hints of genius; those are beyond my capacity. There will, however, be many misused words, typos, and inconsistencies in the form of idiocy and white supremacy. Those, I'm told, are my four tays.

As Cecil reported last night, the Denver Broncos have in fact acquired their man. The more-professional, and also more-dying sports journalists have put together a "story" full of facts and other nonsense, mostly painted with full-of-potential brushstrokes, and that's fine with me. There are, however, speculations that Pat Bowlen doesn't like to make these kinds of big hires, and in all honesty, who wouldn't admit that the selection process, even once it's complete, isn't stressful and nerve wracking. Granted, there's got to be a part of you that's pumped if you feel like you've pulled the trigger at precisely the right time.

And Bowlen may've done just that. He's got a young guy that's been around football his entire life, and, in his half dozen years with Robert Craft's organization, he's witnessed a ton of winning. A ton. There's also the angle that Denver was ahead of the game, or got to the best candidate first. And there's also a fresh blood/not-a-retread slant that will, at very least, instill a healthy sense of optimism throughout the organization. For your best examples of how this could go, one could look, if one was so inclined, to Al Davis' club. Not, of course, as a model of how to do things, but as historical references to signing super-young guys to run the show. Some feel that Jon Gruden is still, championship and all, an overrated coach. I think he's pretty good. The other side of that coin is Lane Kiffin. I'm not sure what folks really think about the kid; I think he got the rug pulled out far too early. Either way, the hire is an exciting one, one that, in my opinion, is better than getting a dude who's had the position elsewhere but been without success.

Championships are, of course, the ultimate Litmus, but I'm eager to see how Mos' Dan fares in this troubled division, and I'm also fascinated to see what kind of time he gets to get his prints on the operation and run with it. That is, I'll certainly be comparing it to the Herm Edwards regime in Kansas City, but only in aspects that are fair. Will he keep a standard mix of veterans on the roster? Gut things and go young? Will he finish 2009 above .500, then drop to four losses, and then to two? Well, I never really thought that was possible. Not in the modern-day NFL. I'm also a guy that's been wrong before. I've also been real damn wrong, and most recently, wronger than rufie-inspired sodomy, like I was with Edwards' '08 "effort." I mean, draw the comparison to your job or mine, and we're canned before Halloween. But you know, another tale, another time.

Seriously though, there are a few things that every new head coach must stomach when he slides into the new pair of snakeskins, and based solely on non-requests, here are the three that Denver Broncos Head Coach Josh McDaniels must suffer through before tabbing his mile-high slate a clean one.

First -- and keep in mind he has no choice in these matters -- he has got to completely destroy his first draft. Oh, no. I don't mean hit the thing out of the park. I mean destroy it. Literally. Like, he should draft all CU Buffaloes, or only Division II guys. He could Shanahananigan up the joint and take a bunch of defensive guys that blow, or have unwieldy egos, or a history of weapons charges, or hell -- all of the above. He should probably squander at least one pick via trading up or down in the process, too. For good measure.

Second, whether it's in the off-season, during camp, in the pre-season, or regular season, he has got to facilitate the consummation of the unsexiest, most fucktastic bromance of all time: the Cutlerfucker-Marmalard bukkake. It shall be the best-of-the-West, wearing-only-a-vest-while-fantasizing-of-Ryan Seacrest mutual masturbation phenomenon. The kicker, of course, is their must be footage. McDaniels can put it on the StubTubes. Cecil and Old No. 7 can watch it, rate it, and then vomit while worrying about the "partial" that it gave them, and then you know what? We can put this vial (Editor's Note: Betta' ax somebody.) of bad blood behind us all.

Finally. The most important thing that Shanny's replacement must accomplish is a Chiefs victory at InVesCo. Not in the last season of his reign. Not after Seven's daughter gets her driver license. Now. As in, 2009. It's gotta be legit, though. No throwing the game. No SpyGate Junior factor. A win. Just one. Why? Because eight years is e-fucking-nough, don't you think? Come on!

And then, once those teensy headaches are done and out of the way, he can get to workin' for the shield and keeping that torch of sustained excellence -- fire bans notwithstanding -- burning bright for the Centennial State.

Now then. There are the matters of a) What the crap is the status with the Chiefs' GM non-hiring, b) Tony Dungy stepping down in Indy, and c) Mike Tomlin tearing down the Great Wall of Bloachery, but frankly, this has exhausted me, and I need a nap. I do, however, have to get dinner ready for the missus, and so for now...
Read more

Non-Breaking News

I'll fully admit that I noticed this only thanks to Profootballtalk.com, which often manages to offer a genuine nugget o' info amidst the usual welter of lies and innuendo: the Denver Post's Mike Klis wrote a story yesterday evening about the Broncos' coaching search, wherein he identified the candidate pool as having narrowed from seven to five. He also said that Minnesota Vikings D-coordinator Leslie Frazier was under "serious consideration" by the search committee.

And then, this morning, that bit was gone. I didn't do a screen grab on the original, because it didn't really seem all that controversial, plus I'd finished most of a bottle of wine. Clearly, someone on the 6th floor at Colfax and Broadway thought differently. Did someone from Dove Valley call to put the heat on Klis?

And if so, how come Chris "draft Matt Jones, my kid played with him and he's really tall" Mortenson is basically repeating the same info today, but adding that Josh McDaniels is the other current favorite? Intrigue. Chicanery. (Also, why does Klis love Jason Garrett so much? That's the last guy I want. Hell to the fuck no.)

For the record--and this blog is nothing if not a document that will stand the test of time--my guy is Frazier. Has been for a little while, when I wasn't man-crushin' on Coach Raheem or dreaming of a Spagnuoloian Big Blue-style pass rush a mile high. He seems to have the head coachin' temperament, a history of being a part of great, aggressive defenses: not only this year's Vikings, but those turnover machine Bengals teams of the early aughts, Jim Johnson's Eagles, all the way back to his days as a cornerback with the Buddy Ryan Bears. I think the Johnson/Ryan pedigree is a solid one for a defensive guy, and you can get it in a package that doesn't include one of the actual Ryans, who are vag-bags.

Read more

It's A Long Way To The Top (If You Want To Bloach N' Roll)

The Cleveland Browns hired Eric Mangini yesterday, a move I consider exceedingly smart. Mangini is a competent coach who'll bring a proven system to the shores of Lake Erie. He'll win games, and if Cleveland can settle on one quarterback and find the right mix of parts, he may someday win big. It's a really good fit.

Would Mangini have been a good fit in Denver? Did Pat Bowlen miss out on his coach with his very deliberate hiring process? It's hard to say, but as the Broncos embark on their first coaching search in a generation, I think finding the guy who's the best fit for the unique set of circumstances that exist in Denver is paramount. Too many pundits are focused on the star power, the side of the ball, the perceived salary demands, or the bloachiness of Bowlen's candidates.

What matters most is where our next coach's sweet spot is.

Before I even get started, I have to submit a doctor's note for my prolonged absence. I have the requisite excuses: the holidays, travel, my wife's pregnancy and insistence that we finish the nursery, a cold, several feet of Rocky Mountain powder that needed to be plowed, and most crucial a three-week KO of the internet service in my office (apparently a plow had wiped out a Qwest pedestal nearby).

None of this matters, of course, the world needs my shitty opinions like it needs more bad reality TV. But this particular storm of distraction came at the worst possible time. My NFL team completed the hugest collapse in the history of the sport--that's hard to do and I'm damn proud of them for pulling it off. It's kind of like the warm feeling a Lions fan must have these days. There have been plenty of awful teams, but only one can say it is the awfulest, the hands-down worst team of all time.

Then my Broncos canned Mike Shanahan, only the most successful coach they've ever had by many miles. I thought the move was rash and foolish, and that we the fans would soon feel a disproportionate amount of pain because of it. In the ensuing weeks, I've come to grips with the move and even embraced it. If you look at the Denver Broncos as an organized crime syndicate--and I know that many of you do--just remember that once in a while you need to whack a guy. Usually these are low-level soldiers, guys who get out of line or start dropping off a light envelope. Clipping them is just the cost of doing business. Every so often, though, the boss gets a little too comfortable. He feels invincible or complacent, gets sloppy, and the only way to fix the problem is to take him out in a flurry of bullets. It's for the good of the family long-term.

The person who crystallized the sanity of the firing was, ironically, my knocked-up grumpy wife. The day it happened I had dozens of hysterical conversations with stunned men, friends and strangers alike. When I spoke to the wife that evening, though, she asked me how many other coaches who oversaw The Biggest Collapse In NFL History would still have a job the next year. Excellent point, sweetie.

Make no mistake, I still think Shanahan is a phenomenal coach, and if he finds the right situation in the future he'll win another championship. But the key is finding that match, that ideal mixture of city, franchise, owner, GM, staff, quarterback and players that can get you to the top of the heap. You can win if one or two of those components is out of whack, but if too many handicaps are in place you're fucked. Shanahan's Achilles' heel was, of course, his eye for defensive talent. Drop him into a scenario with a capable GM and defensive system and you're in business.

Hell, look at Bill Parcells. He's arguably the greatest coach in the history of the game and he could not get the Cowboys out of the first round. He was hobbled by a maniac owner and a few nutcase players. OK, one nutcase, but TO's insanity is so batshit pervasive it can take down even the mighty Tuna.

And Parcells is the right starting point for getting back to my original theory--that the Broncos need to find the right coaching fit for their current team. Bill Parcells is the only guy that can excel in all three phases of coaching. I'm not talking about offense, defense and special teams, my friends. I'm referring to making a horrible team respectable, making a respectable team a contender, and turning a contender into a champion.

Let's look at a few of the coaching candidates out there, not just for the Broncos but for every team. And for the sake of argument let's temporarily ignore guys who've never had the big job, because no one really knows if Jason Garrett or Steve Spagnuolo are future Hall-of-Famers or future laundry attendants. Take, for instance, someone who's near and dear to all of our hearts: Marty Schottenheimer. Marty is a fucking fantastic coach. He can take a pile of shit and turn it into a house. Reggie White thinks he might have a little Oriental in him--I have no doubt that Marty could turn a television into a watch. If I ran the Lions, I'd hire Marty, and in three years I'd be in the playoffs. Detroit is not looking for a Super Bowl right now, they're looking for a guy who won't go 0-16, and Marty will never go 0-16.

Marty would never work in Denver, of course, because he plateaus at 10 or 11 wins and stalls in the playoffs. He's simple and predictable, which is great for making that horrible team respectable. But he cannot get you over the top.

Just like all a Lions fan wants is a few wins, your basic Kansas City fan simply wants a playoff victory. They may say it's all about the ring, but they're lying to your face. The next time the Chiefs actually win a playoff game expect a spike in cardiac arrest fatalities among the elderly in the greater KC area. They'll die happy, not caring what happens next.

Now Herm Edwards is capable of winning a playoff game, he did it with the Jets. I just don't think he's capable right now of constructing a team that could come anywhere near the postseason, which is a problem if your only goal is to win a playoff game. Were you to replace him with, say, Jim Fassel, the Chiefs would instantly become more professional. With a little luck they too could make the playoffs in a couple years and even win a game. But the press conferences would go from Mora-level entertainment to Belichick boring.

And, sure, if KC hired Bill Cohwer or Mike Shanahan they could make a run at a title, depending on who's running personnel. Problem with that is both of those coaches have enough pull to eliminate any independent oversight by a strong GM. So you end up with a similar situation to Shanny-in-Denver. Don't underestimate the luxury Cohwer had in Pittsburgh, where he grew as a coach at the end of the Rooney family/Tom Donahoe player pipeline. Deep down I think Bill Cohwer's about as good of a GM as I am, and I thought the Maurice Clarrett pick was brilliant and the Eddie Royal pick was a disaster.

So which former coach works in Denver? I say none of them, now that Mangini's gone. Brian Billick is a circus freak, and retreads like Dom Capers and Romeo Crennel are strictly coordinator material. I think the right route is to go young, cheap and inexperienced and hope to hit the lottery. I think bringing in someone who can gut and rebuild the defense is key, so long as they're willing to provide offensive structure to Jay Cutler and Jeremy Bates or whoever is running it. I'm definitely intrigued by Raheem Morris and Leslie Frazier, young guys who've been dismissed as Rooney-rule interviews but that I have a feeling can actually coach.

But my current favorite is Baltimore DC Rex Ryan. He's Buddy's less-mulleted, less-Raidery kid. He'll slash and burn the existing defensive depth chart and craft something effective. I don't know if that'll be a 3-4 or 4-3, although I do hold out hope that Jarvis Moss could find success as a rush OLB in a 3-4.

And if it doesn't work we do all this again in a couple years, like every other team in the NFL. The last time Bronco fans were in this boat we witnessed another offspring of a goofball coach (Bum Phillips' son Wade) fill the gap between two Bronco legends: Dan Reeves and Shanahan. If a guy like Rex Ryan simply kept the seat warm while Cutler continues his development, then hands off to a coach who can take the team over the top, so be it. At least we're not coming off 0-16.
Read more

Tradition Tuesday: Coaches On the Hot Seat

On Tuesdays here at the House of Georges, we like to deliver a little something called "Tradition Tuesday." The aim of the feature is to keep the oft-heated rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Denver Broncos alive and healthy on a week-by-week basis. For those new to the series, Cecil and Old No. 7 were begotten in the heinous hues of orange and blue, while I was created in likenesses of red and gold. The "Tradition" part refers to our annual pilgrimages to the respective venues of our foes, where we battle the ever-unforgiving elements of Mother Nature, hope our yearlong prayers to Father Time have been heard, and gently remind our beloved wives which games they are allowed to attend with us (Editor's Note: This being the free country that it is, the units of spousage are of course free to attend any and all football contests throughout each and every season; the ones delegated as "the boys' games," however, remain off limits. See pages 49-53 of your "Nuptials Manual" for further information. This gig is going on its eighth, and perhaps most interesting campaign. Details after the jump.

It's no secret that the 2007 seasons for both clubs were painful and disappointing. Two thousand eight demands high expectations from the soothsayers of these squads. Or else. Well, not really. Ultimately, Chiefs Owner Clark Hunt has delicately said that the playoff contendability of this year's Chiefs will likely weigh heavy on the contract negotiations of a certain kingly general manager, while in Denver, Pat Bowlen still isn't sure whether or not he owns the Broncos; it's possible Shanahan could've secretly taken over the proprietary role, but no one's positive. Either way, improvement in the standings is at the top of the priority list for both the Chiefs and the Broncos, lest heads be rolled. Unless you're former Bronco Javon Walker, in which case, your head already has been. And unless you're Travis Henry, in which case, your head was rolled so suddenly, you're reaching out to other celebrity figures in the same boat.

Nevertheless, we all know that the owners fork out the dollars and hire the front office staffs, and the front office staffs assemble coaching teams, and in some mystical sense of unity the collaborations procure personnel in the hopes of winning championships. In the blue-and-orange corner, hailing from Oak Park, Illinois, Michael Edward Shanahan enters his 15th year as a NFL head coach. He has compiled a 138-90 record, three division titles, and two Super Bowl wins in his tenure. Out of the red-and-gold corner comes Herman Lee Edwards, a New Jersey native with 52 wins and 60 losses in his illustrious seven years as Head Bloach. Along the way, he has netted one division title, and four playoff appearances.

In 1999, the season immediately following John Elway's retirement, Coach Shanahan's Broncos mustered a 6-10 start, the worst of his pro head coaching career. Since then, he has guided Denver to 77-61 overall record. The first time Herm Edwards went 4-12, he was out of that job at season's end, the New York Jets front office having decided that playing to win the game only four times was insufficient. Edwards is coming off his second season of duplicate numbers, a miracle-laden playoff berth in between making his debut in Kansas City seem semi-acceptable. Strangely, Shanahan averages a divisional-finishing-spot average of 2.3, while Edwards isn't too far behind with a 2.6. Factors of interest in that statistical category include the following: Two of Shanahan's coaching years were with Oakland, where he fell one game shy of .500 one year, and parted ways with Al Davis' club only four games into the next. While leading the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets, Edwards-led teams never finished better than 10-6, but had to compete with the rising dynasty of the Patriots twice a year in each of those seasons. I post neither statement as an excuse of any sort, simply interest.

Looking forward, it has been theorized within this very House that the Jay Cutler Experiment could be Shanahan's last hurrah as the main man in the mile-high city. That is, if Cutler turns out to be the quarterback he's expected to become, Shanahan could be driving the Bronco chariot until they run out of Lombardi trophies to hand him, or until he smokes/tans himself into bottom-of-the-bag potato chip dust, whichever happens first. Should the trials of Young No. 6 go sour, Shanahan could be urged to step down, or promoted to the front office, or offered to have his mansion paid for so that he may run for office, however it happens out there.

(Note: In Kansas City, things go down differently. When it's time to part ways with our Chiefs coaches, we tend to only know how to do things one way, the classy way. As Chiefs fans, we would never can a guy who might lead a team to four consecutive Super Bowl appearances. If we did, though, we would certainly never replace that guy with somebody that's frighteningly underqualified to coach at the professional level. Were we to make such a mistake, we would almost never fire him and replace him with his special teams coordinator. In the event of such a mistake, I know the Chiefs would never employ an only-great-in-the-regular-season, waitress-banging, bespectacled man, or fire that guy and promote his defensive coordinator only to fire that DC via the Internet and bring in a sextegenarian, and listen to him retire. Again.)

And in Kansas City, Edwards could very well, much to the chagrin of many Chiefs fans, have a looser leash. This year will be the big test for Brodie Croyle. Many say it has already happened, said exam returned with many a red mark. Edwards got the defense respectably turned around in the last two seasons, and he's had some ups and downs at the quarterback and running back positions. Perhaps the Chiefs have developed a fleck of a receiving corps to whom Croyle can throw, and perhaps his protection won't look like a drunken attempt at musical linemen. It's possible that Kansas City could win more than six games, and give ownership reason to extend the regime of Edwards. I said possible, not probable.

What's also possible is that, for the first time since the mid 80s, the Kansas City Chiefs are looking at not selling out this season's home contests, all but guaranteeing a local television blackout for December games. In the past couple of years, local networks have scooped up the remnants, knowing that costs will underweigh the great ratings return. This year, an inside source says it's not looking so good. Be it the once-lauded greatest home-field advantage, or the perennial playoff team, Chiefs fans want change, and they want it now. I imagine the same can be said in the high country, which translates to the one commonality between Kansas City fans and aficionados of Bronco: winning.

Well, that and embarrassing the Raiders, maiming the Chargers, pissing on the Colts, and trying to kill Tom Brady. But mostly winning.
Read more

All Herman All The Time

Here back about one year ago the guys that write on this site got together. We wanted to start a sports blog, but we had no idea what we'd focus on or anything. In the wake of the historic Colts-Bears Super Bowl and the complete lack of media attention on the race of the two head coaches (similar to the press' egregious oversight of the fact that Jerome Bettis is from Detroit), we thought about calling it the Black Coaches' Blog (or Bloachog for short). Instead you ended up with the House of Georges. Sorry.

While the Bloachog would have examined the black coach in minute and glorious detail, its true purpose would have been to chronicle the wisdom of Herman Edwards every single day. The man is like a father to me, a fountain of verbal kung fu that inspires me to better myself. I ask, actually demand that Bankmeister install Herman on our own little Mount Rushmore of icons on the right side of this page. And by the way, what ever happened to Bear Grylls?

Speaking of beefs I have with our site administrator, Banky did throw this post up over the weekend. Of course he did it while I was drunk and off duty, which is a pretty Jap move if you ask me. No disrespect to the Orientals.

While Bank did inform us that his Chiefs will select with the fifth pick in the upcoming draft, he withheld a key piece of comedic evidence from you the reader. Namely, the reaction of his head coach to the coin toss that gave KC the pick. Feel free to advance past the jump for the daily Hermanism...

After losing a coin toss and dropping to five, Herman tried to explain that five is better than three:

“I didn’t want a chance to flip,” Edwards said. “I wanted to be five. That was a good number for us. Five is good. I just felt all along we were going to be five. I thought Atlanta would win the coin toss.”

Of course you did, Herman. Just for good measure, here's another Hermanism, courtesy of Arrowhead Addict, concerning KC's free agency wish list:

"We might have champagne taste, but we’ve got beer money."

AA rightfully points out that the Chiefs are $20 million under the cap. That's a lot of beer.

We'll try and stay on top of the Herman beat, with no help from our correspondent in Kansas City.

Update: Since I was already mocking our Administrator and attempting to shame him into making site changes, I was about to coerce him into adding this link. Then I went to the site and looked at the counter. Jesus. When I first checked that place out it was around 1.4 million hits. That was two weeks ago. Last week it was at 2.2, today it's 3.4. White people really, really like that place. So check it out, but make sure you do so with the understanding that it's now way too popular and it's no longer edgy or cool.

Read more

Sleeping With The Enemy: Week Two, Chiefs @ Bears

Welcome back for another installment of "Sleeping With the Enemy," where us HoG staffers chit-chat with a fan of our teams' opponents. This week, Old No. 7 wrestles with a lover of things silver and black as Team Al Davis marches into InVesCo for the Broncos home opener. The Chiefs, on the other hand, wait one more week to host a contest at Arrowhead; today they storm Soldier Field in hopes of notching a road win against the defending-NFC-champion Chicago Bears. Your Bears' expert is none other than Mr. Kimm, a native Iowan and lifelong lover of all things Cub and Bear. Last week's SWTEs, Chiefs @ Texans, can be found here.

Bankmeister: Week two for the Chiefs involves a trip to a stadium with new digs, a place you might've heard of before. It's called Soldier Field, and from what I understand, they've, over the years, had a few good athletes play football for that team they call the Bears. Matter of fact, they came awful close to getting their paws on the Lombardi last year. Let's talk about the job that Lovie Smith has done in his short stint in the Windy City. Who has been Lovie's biggest teacher as a coach? Biggest inspiration? What did you make of all the fuss over his contract/paycheck last year? Was the Bears ownership being stingy or was that just another case of media overhype.

Mr. Kimm: Week two will be a good test for the defending NFC Champs, but more so for the overmatched Chiefs. Tradition and history of the not-so-friendly-confines of Soldier Field will be an intimidating reality for the Chiefs and their followers. Here true defense will be on display, something Lovie Smith teams have always been known for. I think everyone knows that Tony Dungy has been one of, if not, the, most influential coaches/friends to Lovie and his career thus far. His style of play mimics that of his mentor and friend, as well as his calm demeanor on and off the field. Fortunately for Bears fans, Lovie is here to stay. I think Lovie knew it as well, before any contract discussions, that this was going to be his home and what an opportunity he had within his grasp. Media hype gets in the way of the truth most of the time, and Lovie's attitude during the whole process showed that he wasn't worried in the least about his future with the Bears. Bears ownership was also smart enough to realize they couldn't afford to lose Lovie either.

B: Agreed. All around. The Dungenator has been a mentor to the Lovemeister, for sure. As has he for Herm. I personally was largely disturbed by the way things went down during last year's playoffs in terms of the Smith/Edwards/Dungy dinner the night before the Chiefs/Colts playoff (playoff?) debacle. seemed as if there was a little too much brotherly love, if you know what i mean, going on with that whole scenario. And by "brotherly love," I mean playbook sharing.

Nevertheless, interesting that you say overmatched. Granted, you're right; I'm sure the Bears have been largely favored since the lines opened up, but there are many aspects to discuss about each of our teams. Clearly, your team has had a knockout defense for some time. Will they return in the same form? Better perhaps? A step behind last year? One thing is certain: the Chiefs D will be better. They've continued to improve season-by-season since Gunther returned, and I'm confident that this year they will be hittin' some folks in some grills, if you hear what I'm screamin'. I'm not boastin' any Urlacher-type-led D squads, but suffice it to say they'll be better.

Beyond that, we need to spend some quality time breakin' down the QB situation. There are other aspects to cover, but this is one we must get out first. As you've mentioned in previous conversations, "they" say "everything hinges on Sexy Rexy. I take the way you said that to be an outright disagreement. Am I wrong? Once and for all, let's please have a die-hard Bears fan's take on number 9. Then we'll get to the rest.

Mr. K: Hey, we both agree the Chiefs D is much better, but c'mon, lets face it, it's not hard to improve over no defense from two years prior. As I see it, the trouble is that the Chiefs offense has not made any improvements. If anything, the conservative play calling has stiffled a once-potent offense. The Chiefs receiving core is still questionable and now they're relying on a 34-year-old quarterback with literally three years of game experience. Enough about your troubles, let's talk about a solid Bears defense that is looking to be even better this year with solid acquisitions like Adam Archuleta at SS and Darwin Walker at DT. Couple that with a healthy Tommie Harris (DT) and Mike Brown (SS), and of course probably the best linebacking crew in the biz, Damon Huard and Co. are facing a full-blown, scream-like-a-little-girl nightmare come Saturday night, Septmeber 15th. While we're at it, lets talk Sexy Rexy. By the way, he's number 8, not 9. He was also 13-3 as a starting QB in the NFL last year in case everyone forgot. I admit he had some fleeting moments, but the guy posseses heart and character way beyond his years and experience, and thank God for Lovie Smith recognizing this fact. Fact: Rex is only going to continue to get better. He now has an experienced and talented receiving crew, highlighted by the insurgence of Bernard Berrian, a true Pro Bowler. Two rookie draftees that will both make immediate impacts are Greg Olsen TE and Garrett Wolfe RB. Both are talented rookies, Olsen with great hands and WR speed, and Garrett also with great hands, great speed and elusive moves that made him the leading rusher in college football last year. Long story short, Sunday September 16th, Bears home opener, will turn out to be a very long afternoon for the Chiefs.

B: Alright. I got the message. Long day for the Chiefs in Chicago. I guess I'd hoped you might've had some drunken/debaucherous tales on Rexy, but I guess we have the boys at Kissing Suzy Kolber to do that for us year round. More importantly, you're confident in your gunslinger. Good. That's good. Let's not allow those Bears-colored glasses to tint your vision too dark, though. Let's be honest: the Bears were 13-3 last year. I know. The tendency is to always assign that record to your quarterback(s); I certainly did it with Huard and Green last year. But c'mon. No way the Monsters of the Midway log that record without that defensive squad. I mean, there were games in which Grossman appeared to be single-handedly trying to lose the match. And the D would always save his rear.

That's not to say he's not a talent. That's not to say he won't be great this year. I'm just leery of giving him too much credit for last year's successes. You are right about the head coach's approach; it's a good thing Lovie maintained a level head and didn't listen to the rest of the football world in regards to his QB. You certainly don't want Brian Griese in there. That guy's terrible. And Kyle Orton? That guy's number 9, right? (Editor's Note: Orton wears #18)

Yeah. Wolfe's college numbers are impressive. It'll be interesting to see just how accurate you are with your "immediate impact" prognostication. Since we're on the subject of toting the rock, though, let's talk about the Bears' off-season personnel decisions. The last time we talked football and there were no beers involved...wait. That never happened. Nevermind. In our last football conversation over minimal amounts of beers, you proclaimed that Cedric Benson may wind up being a bust, the Bears should stick with Thomas Jones, etc. Eight months later, Benson appears to have the starting job locked up over both your boy Wolfe and Adrian Peterson. Meanwhile, Thomas Jones, on some depth charts, sits behind the rookie Marshawn Lynch over in Buffalo. What's your take on all that business?

Mr. K: I still think Thomas Jones is a better all around running back, but I guess shared time was not for him. You know running backs these days, they all think they're the best, invincible and they don't need nor want to share time with anyone. Even though it could potentially double their career time in the NFL. With that being said, Jones wanted out, so let him go. He definitely wasn't that great as to be considered unreplaceable. Heck, who is? Benson may flourish with the majority of the carries this season, but if not, the Bears will run 2-3 backs at everyone every game, and look to fill a void again next offseason. Luckily the O-Line is good enough to make numerous running backs look good, regardless of their talents. The Bears are and always have been a smashmouth football team, who definitely prefer to run the ball. Who is in the backfield is somewhat of a non-issue, because whoever it is consistently, is going to get a workout, and with the help of a strong offensive line, I'm sure will do just fine.

B: Alright. We've established that you're confident in the Bears' D, passing game and running game. How about special teams? Will Devin Hester be the same threat this year that he was in '06? And the foot of Robbie Gould? Is he as dependable as any other kicker in the league? If you're confident in those aspects, and I'll assume that you are, that leaves your Windy City football club with quite an all-around team. How long can they keep it together? Will they be subject to the rise and fall that most franchises experience in the modern-day NFL, or can they become the next "D" word, the decade's late version of the Patriots?

Finally, what do the Chiefs need to do to get to a respectable level of competitiveness, one that the Bears and Colts have obviously achieved?

Mr. K: Special teams will hopefully resume right where they left off. Devin Hester is still a threat everytime he touches the ball, and hopefully that will be extended to the offense as well. I think Robbie Gould will continue to be a very steady and accurate kicker, even in the rough weather of Chicago. Dynasty teams are hard to predict. Free agency has changed the game forever. I hope the Bears can maintain the solid core of players they have, but no one knows for sure what will happen. Injuries also play a big part of team changes and managerial moves, as well as off-field antics anymore. Your Chiefs on the other hand need to search for a leader on the field both offensively and defensively. They need some key players to step up, assume the role and help motivate the rest of the squad. Offensively they need to show a balanced attack, and demand more from their receivers in general. Huard can play in this league, but he is going to need time and support from his O-line. LJ can't do it all; the passing game has got to be able to keep teams honest. The defense has got to continue to become more aggressive and not so predictable, but I think Gunther is on the right path.

B: Nice take. I'd say you're on target in everything you said. Free agency has changed everything, but some teams, with shrewd off-season evaluation/acquisition techniques, have managed to keep their teams at a competitive level regardless of cap/free-agency issues. The Chiefs, in my estimation, are one of them. The difference with them, though, is that they've been on the bubble for an eternity. They get one aspect of the game fine-tuned while all but ignoring the other; then when they finally address the weak area(s), it's too late in that the strengths have diminished. Gunther is on the right path. This defense will play at a top-10 level, perhaps even this year. Next season for certain. And Huard does have the goods to be a full-time starter, but he does need a few extra seconds of pocket protection. As bad as week one in Houston was, I thought the receiving corps showed signs of stepping it up. They had some drops, but I think those were all mental errors. And you're right. They do need a leader. That's one area in which Trent Green is, at least for now, irreplaceable.

Offensively, they've got leadership capability in Tony Gonzalez, Larry Johnson and Eddie Kennison. The first option is a guy that's been with the franchise longer than anyone else, but can a tight end be your leader? I don't think so, and I don't think Tony would embrace the role. LJ? I doubt his ability on a number of levels. Kennison is old and that leaves Damon Huard, who is also aging and, so it seems, a mild-mannered presence. Brian Waters acts, at times, as if he's the leader of the offense, but it is a conundrum all around. Defensively, I think Donnie Edwards is the guy, but this is his first year back in red and gold. Can you ask him to step up and be a leader? I don't know. Your best point, in my opinion, is that of the passing game. Their biggest weakness right now does not come in the form of ability, but predictability. They need, more than anything, to keep defenses honest, thus the prevention of the young guys getting lit up/coughing up the ball every time they run an eight-yard route. Huard had the ability to connect with Kennison on the long ball at times last year. Eighty-seven, however, tweaked his hammy on the first offensive play of the game last week and is out for who knows how long. That, as you know, shifts the entire receiving corps up a notch, but they can't let it affect their confidence in the passing game. They've got to mix it up. And by "they," I mean Herm Edwards and Mike Solari.

This game is a major one for both clubs. Frankly, I'm shocked that the Chiefs lost by as much as they did to an up-and-coming Texans squad and I really thought the Bears would, to a degree, manhandle Philip Rivers and the Bolts. Clearly, Chicago has an amazing run defense; holding LaDainian Tomlinson to one yard per carry is beyond stellar. I'm surprised, however, that your boy, number nine, er...I mean, eight,



didn't have a bigger game through the air. The Chargers have quite a defensive squad as well, but I anticipated that Lovie's crew would find a weakness in them and expose it. It kills me that LT can be the premiere back that he is and continue to get away with throwing touchdowns. Just once -- I don't care who it is -- I want someone to pick him off and take it to the house. That would rule. What doesn't rule, however, is a Lovie Smith team, and a Herm Edwards team, coughing up the ball four times -- four times! -- on the road. That, my friend, is no way to win a football game.

Mr. K: I love your optimism for the Chiefs, although misled as it is, that's what being a true fan is all about. Let's stop with all the traditional rhetoric and get to the guts of the Chiefs problems: Carl Peterson. C'mon, this guys been blowing smoke up every KC fan’s, player’s and media member’s keister since his hire. The big joke has always been his five-year plan to get to the Super Bowl, which has now turned into a 20-year endeavor. When are the good people of KC going to recognize it's time for new leadership? A leader who isn't afraid of complete failure, who is willing to completely re-build in hopes of the ultimate prize, not mere mediocrity, with the possible outcome of maybe making the playoffs. Since when is this acceptable in Kansas City? Would this be acceptable in the eyes of the late, great Chiefs leader, Lamar Hunt? Living in KC for over 12 years made me realize that Kansas City sports are filled with lasting traditions and true fans of their teams, and although I don't share the common love for this team, I do know that this city deserves better. I hope the KC fans realize this sooner rather than later and agree to demand a change. That all being said, I wish you and your Chiefs luck this season. It's a long road ahead, and unfortunately for the Chiefs, the next stop, Chicago, certainly won't get any easier.

B: The Carl debate is one for another day, my good friend. For now, I'm eager, yet nervous, to see how this Chiefs team handles a Super Bowl-caliber squad.

Mr. Kimm: My prediction for this match: 17-7, Da' Bears.

Bankmeister: The Chiefs will finally find the end zone, and having eliminated their kicking woes, will notch two field goals as well. Close, but no cigar: Chiefs 16, Da' Bears 17.


Read more

Up In The Nosebleeds: To Catch A Predator

And so begins yet another semi-regular, soon-to-be-forgotten feature in the HoG, Up In The Nosebleeds. In it we’ll give some attention to obscure, niche sports that get pushed aside by the mainstream, like competitive bass fishing, cow tipping and ice hockey.

Think Cheap Seats, only not on ESPN Classic and without the twin brothers who bone each other.

It’s time to break down the event that happens on Saturday. No, not the Kentucky Derby, although the Run For The Roses does hold its own allure. It remains the only sporting contest that I regularly watch with my mom. Mom, for all of her puritanical opposition to drinking, drugs, porn and gambling, is a fiend at the track. She grew up within spittin’ distance of Saratoga Springs and has been wagering on the ponies since she was but a wee lass. But I digress.

No, men, the big happening on Saturday is the fight pitting Oscar De La Hoya and Floyd Mayweather Jr. in mortal combat (warning: link contains shirtless dudes). At the house of the House of Georges, we’ll have that bad boy purchased on pay-per-view. The Coronas will be flowing and the guacamole dipping for Cinco De Mayo, and we’ll almost certainly watch De La Hoya win another big fight—just a hunch.

But the big highlight for me will almost certainly be the appearance of Mayweather’s dad, Floyd Sr. This old-timer is the most extreme example of one of my favorite phenomena: Athletic Figures That Look Like The Predator.

I don’t mean to date myself, but I loved Predator. It came out back in 1987, when Schwarzenegger was in his prime, but the supporting cast was what made the movie. Apollo Creed was in there, as was the Governor Of Minnesota, and this big bad ass alien with a fucked-up grill and goofy dreads. He could become invisible and shoot lasers and shit, and apparently he can also train world-class fighters:



And play basketball:



(Courtesy of Pulled My Groin)

And football:



Please feel free to submit your own examples in the comments. I think this could someday become its own web site, like this.

Read more

Uppin' The Bloatient

Long ago, when the idea for this blog was still a tiny sperm in the throat testicle of the Blizzard, I wrote a piece called The Ten Worst Black Coaches In NFL History. That essay has disappeared, and was hopelessly outdated anyway—what with the historical badness of Art Shell and the unprecedented success of Dungy and Lovie.

So here at the HoG, we’re going to revisit the subject of the black coach, or as I like to say, the Bloach. Last night saw several Bloach developments, as Eddie Robinson died and C. Vivian Stringer lost. What, you don’t know Stringer? The gorgeous coach of Rutgers’ “ladies’” hoops team? Man, that game was thrilling. If you missed it you are not a true sports fan.

Speaking of the ladies, I would be remiss to not mention Pokey Chatman, or as I like to say, Blunch.

Robinson was significant in the history of football, winning 408 games at Grambling and giving us such NFL products as Doug Williams, who may or may not have lit up a Broncos team in the 80s. Williams succeeded Robinson as coach of his alma mater and has been tremendously successful at giving hilarious mumbling quotes in his smooth syrupy drawl.

The NFL has seen a little transition in its Bloach quotient, or Bloatient, as Shell and Denny Green got canned and the Steelers hired that dude who was in the boxing movie with Meg Ryan. We're also in the midst of the glorious Herman Era in KC. Perhaps the winning ways of the two dudes who made the Super Bowl (and why, WHY, did the Bloach angle not get more press?) will give us a higher Bloatient. We shall see. Anything that can get Terry Robiskie and Jimmy Raye back in the game is a good thing.
Read more