Historically Speaking: 8-19-09

It might look like we've been lounging, but behind the scenes, we're working pretty hard. At being lazy. Anyway, study some stuff, post-jump.

* It was today in 1962 when Homero Blancas, Jr. shot an all-time low score in the game of golf, a 55. His college game that day in Longview, Texas consisted of 13 birdies and an eagle. Blancas tallied 18 holes-in-one in his career.

* On this date in 1988, the New York Rangers signed Guy (pronounced Ghee) Lafleur to a contract with some letters and numbers typed on it. The former Montreal right-winger flanked his lone year in New York with 14 consecutive in the 'Treal, and back-to-back seasons as a Nordique du Quebec before hanging up the skates. All said, Lafleur lit the lamp 560 times, dished scoring passes off on nearly 800 occasions, won five Stanley Cups, played in six All-Star games, led the league in assists in 1976-77, then goals the following season, a campaign in which he also led the league in game-winning tallies and plus-minus ratio. He was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame in 1988.

* The year was 1992 when the Boone family made Major League Baseball history by becoming the first three-generation family to log time in the Bigs: Ray Boone from 1948-60; son Bob, 1972-90, and on this day 17 years ago, Bob's son Bret. Each generation representative would log at least 13 seasons in the Majors.

* In 1995, Bruce Seldon and Joe Hipp stepped into the squared circle for a World Boxing Association title bout in Las Vegas. Seldon, by way of technical knockout, emerged victorious after 10 rounds. Seldon had acquired the belt four months earlier when he and Tony Tucker fought for the title vacated by George Foreman, when Foreman refused to fight Tucker in '94. Seldon hung onto the WBA belt for a couple of months, got knocked the fuggout (in a non-title fight) in the first round against Mike Tyson in September 1996, and eventually surrendered the title to one Evander Holyfield, who had it awarded to him in June of '97 when Tyson, uh, bit both of Holyfield's ears.

* The following year, a guy by the name of Paul Molitor, suited up as a Minnesota Twin, hit his 534th career double, which tied Lou Gehrig's record, which is awesome, but noteworthy in that this might be the first and the last time in HoGstory in which we reference Paul Molitor on consecutive days.

And since we mentioned holes in one earlier, your Sports Illustrated quote of the day came from the mouth of...



...PGA Senior golfer Bob Brue, who, circa 1991, said, "I used to play golf with a guy who cheated so badly that he once had a hole in one and wrote down zero on the scorecard."
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October Baseball In The Daytime: Rockies-Phillies Game 2

Before we get into a breakdown of today's contest at Citizen's Bank Park, I have a few thoughts about Lou Piniella, the Cubs' loss and pitch counts.

First of all, I wasn't watching that game really closely. It was getting late, I had already seen two awesome games, and I was kind of multi-tasking with TBS in the background. It was very hard for me to take a baseball game announced by Dick Stockton seriously. So I have no idea if Big Z was struggling at all before Piniella pulled him. I just remember looking up and thinking it was odd that Chicago's ace was lounging in the dugout during the seventh inning of a 1-1 game.

And now, everyone's pissed off about it. Rightfully so. Yanking Zambrano after 85 pitches to save him for Game Four in that situation is dumb as shit. Only thing is, I don't think that's why Lou made the move. Carlos Marmol has been fantastic lately, and he was obviously fresher at that point than Big Z. I think it was a calculated move to get his best pitcher for that spot in the game on the mound. Of course Zambrano could have pitched another inning or two, but why sit around waiting for him to tire and/or implode?

Of course, if Marmol did his job this would all be a moot point and the Jay Marriottis of the world would be singing Lou's praises. The thing that raises the most eyebrows is the Game Four Excuse, which I think is a total B.S. job by the manager. It's a smokescreen to draw attention from the fact that Lou (rightfully) does not have full faith in his top pitcher.

And the way that casual fans and commentators throw around pitch counts is ludicrous. Baseball is all about numbers, and certain statistical plateaus. Over the last century and a half, something like a .300 batting average becomes entrenched. If you're above it consistently, you're a great hitter. There is some validity in talking about 100 RBIs in a season, or 300 wins in a career, because those levels represent meaningful achievements that happen to coincide with nice round numbers. They've been around a while and they've stood the test of time.

Enter pitch counts, a stat that debuted in the general baseball lexicon in the last decade. We treat 100 pitches as some sacred number, with no relation to the arm that has delivered them. 100 pitches for Nolan Ryan is way different than 100 pitches for Mark Prior. Everyone loses it when Big Z hits the showers after 85, but if he was at 115, everyone would have lost it had he been allowed to pitch the seventh. Fuck pitch counts--they should be a tool for organizations to monitor players, not dime-store analysts to second-guess strategic decisions.

Does it all matter? Sure, but it's not like the Cubs and their inconsistent offense had much of a shot against Brandon Webb anyway. They simply need Ted Lilly to save their season tonight, which may be almost as preposterous as it sounds.

Back to Philly, where those same casual baseball fans and media types will be baffled by today's pitching matchup. Franklin Morales is your Colorado starter, while Kyle Kendrick is slated to throw for the Phils. Who? I'll tell you who. Morales is the flamethrowing lefty that spent most of the year in Triple-A before heading up I-25 to the big club in August. The Rockies didn't really want to lean on him, but injuries to Aaron Cook and Rodrigo Lopez forced their hand. He's been fairly excellent since.

Kendrick has a few months more experience, but has followed a reasonably similar arc with his club. The Phillies found themselves minus Freddie Garcia midseason and young Kendrick saved their bacon for a while. He definitely sputtered a bit in early August, but he's excelled down the stretch and stands at 10-4 on the year. He's a perfect pitcher for this team, as he eats innings and rarely gets lit, and the sticks do the rest.

Our first pitch will once again occur at one o'clock Mountain on the Turner Broadcasting System and XM 183. One note to Major League Baseball: Fuck You. I paid for a subscription to MLB.TV in April to watch day games in the office, but you're charging extra for the playoffs? Eat a dick. Eat a bucket full of dicks. I'll simply roll to a bar and drink my lunch again. No choice.

And finally, let's talk more about conspiracies, cheating and Colorado teams that can't just win clean. Courtesy of the always-intrepid Buster Olney, here's an interview with the umpire that called Matt Holliday safe on Monday (my favorite part is the last paragraph, where he admits to being somewhat of a drunk). And here's some blatant rumormongering concerning Rockies closer Manny Corpas, who some suspect was doctoring baseballs in Wednesday's win. And I'm sure they steal signs, and distribute HGH openly in their clubhouse, and Clint Hurdle was probably on the Viagra when he banged that hooker in his Philadelphia hotel room last night. Cheers!
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Couch-Scout V.2: Jaguars & Broncos

Oh, wait. Sorry. Guess that image is just a smidge out of date.

I missed previewing the Chefs game as per my contract. So let's catch both of you up:

Adrian Peterson humiliates Ty Law on touchdown run, Huard et al appear to have just picked up this "tackle football" thing earlier in the week, Vikings D not giving Inverted Vagina Symbol any room, Vikings kick field goal. Vikings 10-0.

Chefs suddenly show some life, recover a Peterson fumble and complete a few passes. Chefs inside the 30, IVS slams helmet after penalty simply to remove all doubt about what a whiny ass infant he truly is, Chefs settle for a try. 10-3 Land O' a Thousand Lakes.


Now on to the good game. The Broncos of Denver--but really, all of Colorado, not to mention points Montana north and New Mexico south--take on Jacksonville's favorite/only pro team, the Jaguars.

I am of mixed mind about this game. Normally I have a guess, a reading from the ol' Magic 8 Ball that I can feel confident about. Last week, for example, I guessed we'd blow the Raiders back to the East Bay.

I was right about that, except for the long stretches of time that I wasn't. This week is different. The Magic 8 Ball displays a question mark superimposed on an upraised middle finger. Thanks. Fucking smartass Boomer toy.

The Jags haven't run on anyone but have potentially the league's best running game, with Maurice Jones-Drew (when did guys start hyphenating their names? I blame Alex Dorgan-Ross) and Fred Taylor. The Broncos are giving up a 150+ on the turf and haven't faced a team with that kind of legpower. On the flip, we're chokin' the life outta other teams' passing games--even with the McCown/Losman factor on our side. But David Garrard has played well so far. Also the Jags D had 7 sacks last week. No pinche bueno, that.

But their side of beef on the D-line, John Henderson, is doubtful with a "head" issue. Profootballtalk.com raised an interesting notion: what if Mike Tice and Jack Del Rio are calling it that so they don't have to to treat it like what it is, a concussion? A sneaky way around the league's strict new guidelines, perchance? In any case, he's woozy, which will make it easier for some talentless, malevolent scrub like Chris Meyers to cut his legs out and ruin his career.

What it comes down to for me is our run defense against their backs. (I know, that's a hell of an insight. Stick around for my crop forecast. Hint: stay far, far away from beets, sugar and otherwise, in '08). If we hold 'em to 110 yards between the two we win by two touchdowns. If not...I don't wanna think about it.

Broncos 13, Jaguars 10.

And yes, Peter King picked the exact same score. I can hear what you're saying with my interweb mega-ears and you can go choke on a bowl of dicks.

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The Glory of The Hunt; or, Shooting Pets For Fun!

I have no problem with hunting whatsoever.

But killing an animal that was raised tame and then sold to a hunting preserve, or whatever it was, to be shot for "sport," well, that's just nasty.

And it was nasty before this part and this part of the story surfaced. So-called "canned hunts," hunting preserves--those aren't representative of the proud, ancient ritual of hunting. Those are tricks for slobs.

This fat little rugrat probably didn't deserve all the hate mail he got, but even so, no honor to be claimed by anyone here. Just a whole fuck-load of bacon. Read more