The HoG25: The Best 25 Relief Pitchers of the Last 25 Years

(Editor's Note: For reasons I cannot figure out, the image-upload feature is not working at the moment, so we will update when this technical error has been corrected.)

Don't soil your drawers. This ain't no indication of a regular re-appearance of those features you used to not read here on these pages. It is simply, our effort to finish up this series we started a handful of months ago. And make no mistake, it's a tricky one. The idea has been best summarized here by Old No. 7, and as he pointed out, we've touched on various other topics in this feature. Few have come easy; none have come so difficult. Important keys to remember are that the definition of the role of relief pitcher has changed over the years. Today, we don't even have "relief pitchers," as it were. What was once a single role of sorts for one hurler on a squad now falls under the relief umbrella that includes your middle relievers, setup guys, and closers.

What's also tricky is defining the point in time in which said definition of role began changing, or changed, or became accepted, acknowledged. It's a fluid concept, if you will, and that makes pinning down a window of 25, or any other number of, years even sketchier. Perhaps you will agree with our list. There's a chance that you don't like it. Or, maybe, we should've substituted a more concrete category. Either way, it's here, the pitchers are ranked, so we invite you to peruse.


25. Brian Fuentes

Old No. 7: It’s down in this region of our Top 25 that you realize we probably should have made it a Top 10. Not that Brian Fuentes is a bad pitcher, he’s not. It’s just that he has been, in my opinion, miscast for most of his career. He looks like a garden variety lefty specialist -- his semi-sidearm delivery seems tailor-made to sling sliders at dangerous southpaw sluggers and not much else.

Thing is, he’s done quite a bit more than just serve as a lefty specialist. Fuentes closed for the Rockies from 2005-2008, registering more than 20 saves each season. He moved to Los Anaheim in 2009, and he led all of baseball with 48 saves for a playoff team. This is one instance where the save stat fails us -- by looking at the traditional measure of a closer, Fuentes had a terrific year. But look at how Fuentes arrived at those 48 saves, and you’ll conclude it was nothing less than a miracle, a mirage. He struck out only 7.5 batters per nine innings pitched, the worst rate of his career. His ERA+ (112) and strikeout-to-walk ratio (1.92) were his worst since becoming a full-time closer.

But the Angels under Mike Scoscia play a very particular brand of baseball. They don’t score a gaudy amount of runs, but they scrap and claw and fight for every run available. They run the bases with aggressiveness and efficiency. Their starting pitching is always solid if not spectacular, and most of their games are close. Most important, Scoscia is more rigid with his bullpen hierarchy than any manager in the game. He names a guy for the seventh, a guy for the eighth, and a guy for the ninth, and he never wavers from that list. This is why Francisco Rodriguez saved an MLB-record 62 games for Scoscia in 2008 despite his worst strikeout-to-walk and WHIP rates. Just as pitcher wins can be deceiving if you don’t take into account context and opportunity, looking only at saves to measure relievers can leave you with the wrong ideas.

Fuentes lost his job as closer to Fernando Rodney this year, and after the Angels fell out of it he was traded to the Twins. Minnesota didn’t need a closer, so Fuentes adopted the role of lefty specialist, and he did a good job. Time will tell if he ever gets the opportunity to pitch in the spotlight of the ninth inning again, but he’s acquitted himself well there in his career.

24. Ugueth Urbina

Old No. 7: Among the many qualities we look for in a great closer is intimidation. We have an archetype of a big ol’ badass trotting out of the pen, preferably with impressive facial hair and poor hygiene, and mowing down his helpless opposition with nothing but high heat. Not to pick on Goose Gossage even more (because Goose was a great pitcher), but part of why Goose is so beloved is because he matches the archetype. He played the role to perfection.

Now intimidation can come in many forms. You can act like a lunatic, raving and screaming and huffing and puffing before and after each pitch, strikeout or save. These are your Jonathan Papelbons, your Joba Chamberlains, your Fernando Rodneys, your Dennis Eckersleys, your Brian Wilsons. You can look meek and frail, yet shut motherfuckers down for decades with lethal efficiency. This would be the Mariano Rivera model of intimidation.

Or you could go the route of Ugueth Urbina, who combined hard, wicked stuff, a fearsome scowl and genuinely nasty disposition, and an urge to kill people. I’m not even joking about that last part. Urbina is from Venezuela and has a bunch of land there. In 2005 he accused a group of dudes of stealing a firearm. The men were rounded up, hacked with machetes and doused with gasoline. Urbina is currently serving a 14-year term in prison for attempted murder. Combine that with his 237 saves (33rd all-time) and a record of striking out more than one batter per inning, and you can conclude that Ugueth Urbina had the intimidation thing down.

23. Rick Aguilera

bankmeister: Rick Aguilera spent significant time on the Minnesota Twins roster. Unlike few other Twins in our selection, however, he also did time in New York, Boston, and Chicago. Before landing a full-time gig in the bullpen, Aguilera got the nod for nearly 100 big-league starts. Actually, a small chunk of those were right in the middle of his career when he made a rotation curtain call in Minnesota, but it his work late in games that we’ll have a glimpse of today.

Aguilera’s a tough case, namely because there are probably two dozen other guys you could make just as strong a case for, but the thing I like about a guy like Rick Aguilera was that he was a nobody’s-man kind of reliever. That is, he did spend a lot of time with the Twins, but he also spent considerable time relieving in other cities, too, so he isn’t your face-of-the-franchise kinda guy. He doesn’t have dazzling numbers, and in fact, a hefty majority of them are quite pedestrian. What’s more is that his availability was about as consistent as spring weather. But there’s an aspect to his character that’s important not to overlook, and that is that he always made the grade. He was never a guy that would be forever DFA’d and forgotten; his 16 Major League seasons, 732 appearances testify to that.

Since we’ve moved into the numbers, though, it’s important to recognize that the guy had 317 career saves, over 1000 Ks, made three straight trips to the All-Star Game, and was pretty darn impressive in the strikeouts-per-innings-pitched category. So the guy wasn’t your top-three-rotation sort of hurler, and he was never going to pull out the smoke and mirrors, but a guy like Aguilera gives a general manager, a skipper, and a dugout the necessary confidence when it comes time to turn things over the closer. Rick Aguilera. He’s no Kyra Sedgwick, but he gets a spot on our list.

22. Jeff Reardon

Cecil: Jeff Reardon was a good relief pitcher with the Expos who, upon being traded to the Minnesota Twins in 1987, helped that team win a World Series against the heavily favored Saint Louis Cardinals. There you have it: Jeff Reardon’s baseball career in full.

Not really, of course, but I’m eternally suspicious of anything related to the Minnesota Twins. That’s because the very first pack of baseball cards I ever bought had like three of one Twin, name lost to history and a decade or two of hard drug abuse, who sucked, and sucked hard. He stood, bat at ready, glaring balefully at the camera -— look at him on the field like he someone who can play professional baseball. But he couldn’t. No, he couldn’t. Whatever his name was.

Kirby Puckett was an apple-shaped fraud machine who ate live mice. Kent Hrbek suffered from a lack of vowels. Gary Gaetti, well, he smelled like garlic and had sinister, European Socialistic leanings. Dan Gladden was the lead singer of White Lion. There’s always something suspicious going on up north.

So while Jeff Reardon briefly held the Major League Saves record —- along with, at one point, seemingly everyone else on our list -- and while he managed to stick around professional baseball for 16 years, the thing we should remember about Jeff Reardon is that he was arrested a few years back for Armed Robbery but found not guilty by reason of insanity.

21. Antonia Alfonseca

Old No. 7: Is Antonio Alfonseca on this list solely because he has six fingers on each hand? Maybe. If this exercise has proven anything, it’s that you need more than one stat to measure a great relief pitcher. You can’t hang your hat on raw saves alone, or ERA or winning percentage or championships won. Sometimes you need to think outside the box, and the digits that matter most are the ones dangling from your knuckles.

Alfonseca has a condition called polydactyly, which means he has six phalanges on each appendage where you and I only have five. Now extra fingers could come in handy for a lot of tasks -— for instance, if I had 12 fingers with which to type instead of ten, I might have met the original deadline for the essay you’re reading instead of being a year late.

Pitchers use their fingers even more than fat, lazy bloggers. They use them to grip various pitches, and if five fingers can create the drag needed for a nasty big-league changeup, what can six fingers do? THESE PROJECTIONS ARE INCALCULABLE.

Alfonseca was drafted by the Yankees, who wanted to immediately amputate his extra sausages so he’d conform to their bland corporate sameness. Luckily the suits were outvoted by wise baseball men, who saw Alfonseca’s forests of phalanges as little laboratories for new and unseen pitches. All of a sudden, the possibility existed for fastballs that travelled at the speed of sound, curveballs that broke backwards, sliders that could slice concrete to ribbons and cure cancer. And thus, El Pulpo (The Octopus) was born.

Unfortunately, Alfonseca wasn’t much of a pitcher. He grew a prodigious spare tire and gave up a lot of hits, although he did lead the NL in saves with 45 in 2000. Although he never reached the full potential his awesome genetic gift promised us, he did pave the way for future polydactyls to play major league baseball. He’s like Jackie Robinson, only for the millipede race. Some day, another Antonio Alfonseca will have a chance to play ball, give me six and hang 12 because of the bravery and courage of El Pulpo. It is you close-minded, five-fingered bigots who are the true freaks.

I’ve also been told there’s a used custom baseball glove for sale on the eBays.

20. John Smoltz

Old No. 7: Welcome, folks, to the only athlete to appear on not one but two HoG25 lists. John Smoltz was our No. 5 starting pitcher, and that’s the role he’s most associated with. But following a series of injuries and Tommy John surgery that made it difficult for him to stay in the Braves’ rotation for a full season, Smoltz took over for John Rocker as Atlanta’s closer in 2001.

He was not good in that role, but great. He set the NL record with 55 saves in 2002, and added another 91 saves combined in 2003 and 2004. After that, he returned to the starting rotation, where he ended his career last year. Smoltz and Hall of Famer Dennis Eckersley are the only two pitchers to have recorded both a 20-win season and a 50-save season. If you know me, you know I’m pretty disdainful of judging pitchers by only tallying wins or saves, and especially by creating magic numbers like 20 wins to signify greatness. But that’s still pretty cool.

In a way, though, Smoltz’s foray into the bullpen signifies how random the numbers attached to elite closers are. Smoltz was a great starter who couldn’t stay healthy, so he spent four years closing and was dominant -— easily the best in his league and among the two or three best in baseball. Curt Schilling did the same for the Red Sox in 2005, taking over for Keith Foulke and serving as a fairly unhittable relief stopper. The fact that great starters transition so easily to the bullpen, yet great closers almost never become great starters, says something about the skill it takes to close games out. It’s not nothing, it is a valuable talent, but closers are often overvalued.

19. Keith Foulke

Old No. 7: Some might wonder why Keith Foulke is listed ahead of others who seem more deserving. It’s simple: I’m a Red Sox fan, I’m incredibly biased, and I like Foulke because he was the closer for the 2004 team that won the World Series. It’s my choice, not yours, and if you disagree with it you’re stupid.

If you want “facts and data” to support this pick, they’re all there. Foulke saved 30 or more games four times for the White Sox, A’s and Red Sox, and in 2003 he led the league with 43. He never walked anyone -— Foulke had a season WHIP under 1.00 four times in his career, which is remarkable even with the relatively low number of innings (and thus small sample sizes) thrown by closers these days. His career WHIP is 1.07. He simply threw strikes and got outs.

In the magical playoff run for the ’04 Sox, Foulke was called on to throw every single night, often when a single mistake would have ended Boston’s season. He hurled six innings in the ALCS against the Yankees, including a harrowing 2 2/3-inning stint in Game Four.

But what’s most important about Keith Foulke is that I was asked my opinion of the 25 top relief pitchers from the last 25 years, and my opinion is he belongs. To this point, no one has belittled that opinion or pointed out other opinions that are contrary to mine. It would be very easy for me to point out how the opinions of others differ from mine, and how others enjoy movies, TV shows or ballplayers that I think are horrible. But out of respect for my friends, I don’t do that. Because I’m not a fucking asshole (Editor's Note: Unsubstantiated). Keith Foulke rules.

18. Francisco Rodriguez

bankmeister: You could say that it’s hard not to like K-Rod. But not for me. I don’t particularly care for K-Rod, but that’s largely attributable to the fact that he molests little Venezuelan boys in the off-season. It’s either that or I don’t like his dumb glasses and his fist pumps and his heavenly finger-pointing, I can’t remember. But I suppose if I were a non-jaded fan of a team that didn’t struggle to not lose 100 games nearly every season, I might have a different perspective. K-Rod, be he a Met or an Angel, is kind of an arbitrary figure. He’s a guy you’d like to have on your team, but since you don’t, he’s always toying with tooldom. Sorry, bro. Facts are facts.

But if you just take a moment at look at his accomplishments, it’s hard not to appreciate what he’s done as a closer in his already-impressive eight seasons in baseball. In eight seasons, Rodriguez has earned himself four All-Star appearances: check. In eight seasons, Rodriguez has been among the conversations for Cy Young considerations, and tallied a new single-season record for saves (62): check. In eight seasons, Rodriguez has saved 40 or more games: check. And in eight seasons, Rodriguez has toyed with tripling his strikeout-versus-walk number, kept his E.R.A. around a cool 2.53, and averaged 74 innings worth of labor per season: check, check, and check.

Need we go on? Fine. His post-season numbers: Francisco Rodriguez has a .556 winning percentage in playoff baseball. He has finished eight games, saved three, struck out 41 while walking only 14, and yes, he does have a ring. In the World Series in which he won that ring, his strikeouts-per-nine-innings number was 13.5. So, there. Ask yourself if he belongs on this list. If you answered no, you’re probably a Canadian.

(Update: It's been a minute since I wrote this, and, as it turns out, opposing batters aren't the only thing that fall victim to Rodriguez's punchouts. Apparently, his father-in-law does, too.

17. Joe Nathan

bankmeister: There are two things that I don’t like about Joe Nathan: 1) He’s a Texan. 2) He pitches for the Minnesota Twins. The irony therein is that I like the Minnesota Twins, but for reasons I’ve never really been able to grasp, they always seem to have the edge on the Royals. The counters to those obviously personal takes are simple: 1) Not every person born in The Lone Star State is a dweezil (see: Lamar, Clark Hunt). 2) The Twins have, for better or for worse, run a pretty darn good organization for a long time. So let’s just dig into the dude’s performance.

Nathan barely squeezes into the top 30 in career saves, but he’s eighth among actives, and also in good company in the form of a multi-player tie for single season. He spent his first four MLB seasons as a San Francisco Giant and he was in the rotation for the first two of those four, going 12-8 over 29 starts. Since moving to the bullpen, though, he’s been super-reliable in terms of availability missing significant time in only 2003, and he averages about 83 innings a season, which is solid. He’s thrown 718 strikeouts to only 262 walks, and, barring any setbacks this spring, he’ll continue to give up a jack only once every 10 outings.

With four All-Star appearances and a handful of close calls in both league MVP and Cy Young races, Nathan’s portfolio warrants inclusion on our list. Add to the fact that he is a perennial front-runner in the games-finished category, and I’d love having Nathan on my team.

(Update: It's been a minute since I wrote this, and, it turns out, there were some setbacks in the spring.)

16. John Wetteland

Cecil: There are going to be a few entries on this list that don't blow your skirt up, and that's fine -- not everyone is Mariano Rivera or Dennis Eckersley. Such is the case with one John Wetteland.

Wetteland didn't amass stunning numbers of saves, didn't experience a long period of dominance and didn't make hitters' knees quake in fear the way some of our other Top 25 guys did, but he did do one thing that most of them didn't: win a World Series MVP award, and for the Yankees no less. One truly great season with the most famous sports franchise in the world (this could be quibbled with, I suppose, but we're jingoists here, so Manchester United and Real Madrid can suck on it) is, as it turns out, enough to gain recognition --at least from three dudes in flyover country -- as one of the Best Closers in Recent Memory.

To be fair, it was a pretty dadgummed good season: 43 saves, Rolaids Relief Man Award, four saves in four games in the Series and seven overall in the playoffs. And the guy did manage to find his way onto three All-Star teams. So, I guess, that makes him better than, say, Steve Bedrosian, but not as good as Bobby Thigpen or Tom Henke. There's worse company to be in.

Also, his current job is with the Mariners as the bullpen coach. It rains a lot in Seattle. So, Wetteland in a wet land, amirite? No? Never mind.

15. Bruce Sutter

Cecil: I’m no fan of the Saint Louis Cardinals. Such is my disdain that I purposefully spell out “St.” when writing about them, on the off chance that a Cardinals fan might see it and get peeved. Yes, Jethro, feel my disdain.

I probably shouldn’t, though, Cubs fandom aside. I grew up far away from the heat of the team’s traditional rivalries, as I’ve mentioned (or maybe I haven’t mentioned it yet? Well, wait until the Lee Smith bit, you’ll see), and my own dear dad was something of a closet Cardinal fan, if by “closet” you mean “team he actually liked more than any other growing up in 1920s and ‘30s California.” Pepper Martin, Ducky Medwick, Dizzy and Daffy-who-wasn’t Dean. Those were his guys. Stan Musial. Ernie Lombardi. I thrilled to tales of their baseballing derring -- do in an era where everyone’s pants seemed a size or two too large.

And yet, for some reason, his appreciation for the Gashouse Gang and the Musial-powered machine that followed eventually left me cold. Thinking back on it, I’m pretty sure I can blame Whitey Hertzog’s powerhouse Cards squads of the 1980s, staffed with guys like Vince Coleman, Jack Clark, Tommy Herr (YOU WERE NO SANDBERG MR. HERR) and Bruce Sutter.

Bruce Sutter was replaced later in the decade by the equally hate-able but unequally bearded Todd Worrell, but still, fuck Bruce Sutter. He’d been a Cub, and was a great Cub, but they traded him for Leon Durham and another dude who wasn’t Keith Moreland. That right there would be reason enough to despise the guy -— thanks for fielding that fucking grounder against the Padres, Durham, you begoggled coke snarfer -— but he didn’t even have the decency to fade into obscurity when he left Chicago. Rather, he continued to be what he was: baseball’s most dominant reliever.

Sutter led the NL in Saves every year but one from 1979 until 1984, and topped the majors in that category three times during that span. I’m not nearly as conversant with advanced stats as Ol’ No. 7 -— thus my meatheaded insistence on claiming Goose Gossage as the toughest goddamn fireman of all the histories, fancy numbers be damned -— but Sutter’s ERA + in 1984, the year he set a then Major League single season record with 45 saves, was 229. I’m pretty sure that’s good. He won the Cy Young in ’79. He made six All Star teams. In 1977 he struck out Gary Carter, Ellis Valentine and Larry Parrish on 9 pitches, and was at the time only the 19th pitcher in baseball history to accomplish such a feat. He also popularized the split-finger fastball, which is probably his biggest legacy, seeing as his Save records have fallen by the wayside.

He’s in the Hall of Fame, and I can grudgingly accept, after many minutes of rumination, that he deserves to be. And yet. Fuck him, fuck his chin curtain and fuck the Cardinals of Saint Louis.

14. Bobby Thigpen

bankmeister: Bobby Thigpen makes for a tough case. For a lot of players – position and pitcher alike – it’s tough to look at a guy that didn’t contribute 12, 13-plus seasons to the Bigs, and say, “That dude was awesome.” Now, you look at a guy like Thigpen, who debuted in 1986, which was right in the thick of when the actual reliever role was no longer defined as the guy that came in to spell the starter and hopefully finish the game. It was no longer a cloudy sort of role, wherein guys would sometimes come in to close. No, by 1986, teams were using starters, middle relievers, and closers. It’s not quite like today where you have a bunch of middle relievers, a setup guy, and a closer, but still: Thigpen’s role was clear. He started zero games as a professional baseball player. His job was to bring ‘er home, if you will. So you look at his career save total, which is 201, which ain’t bad, but it’s also 38th on the all-time list.

So the next thing you might look at would be innings pitched. Thigpen delivered 568.2 total through nine seasons. That’s an average of 31 innings a season, which tells me two things: 1) You’d better’ve dealt with some injuries, and 2) You’d better’ve closed some dang games. Luckily for Yancy Tyler Bobby Thigpen, he did both. Thigpen had some incredible years. Like 1990, where, as a 26-year-old, he saved 57 games. Fifty-seven! Now, Francisco Rodriguez took that mark two years ago when he saved 62, so he holds the number-one spot now in the single-season-save-total category. But the Anaheim teams for which Rodriguez played were far superior to anything happening in the South Side in the early ‘90s. Sure, the White Sox won 94 games that season. They were good. But they weren’t perennial contenders like these Angels clubs are.

More importantly: Mariano Rivera saved 53 contests six years ago. He’ll never touch Thigpen or Rodriguez, or Eric Gagne, or John Smoltz for that matter. Eat some steaming pig feces, Mariano Rivera. For the rough purposes of this particular entry, you blow.

Anyway, Thigpen averaged 31 saves a year over his nine years, and that’s including a total of two saves over his final four seasons, so the point is: For one quick, impressive flash in the pan that was about five years long, Bobby Thigpen was one of the best 25 relievers of the past 25 years. It has been said.

13. Dave Righetti

bankmeister: Dave “The Big Ragu” Righetti is a name that I will always associate with baseball play-by-play announcers of the 1980s. I don’t know why but I always admired the guy. Righetti was taken in the first round of the ’77 draft by the Texas Rangers, but for whatever reason, he debuted in the bigs as a Yankee. Rightfully so, Righetti won the A.L. Rookie of the Year award in 1980 when he started 15 games, logged 100-plus innings, and registered a 2.05 E.R.A. From there it was just a matter of time before Righetti would become one of the best relievers of the decade, earning back-to-back All-Star bids, along with MVP and Cy Young considerations in 1986.

It was in that fantastic season when the southpaw logged eight wins, finished 68 games, and earned 47 saves in the process. He did so with a 2.45 E.R.A., 83 strikeouts, and only 35 BBs. Throughout his career, however, Righetti averaged just over 100 innings of service per season, and just shy of 100 strikeouts per campaign, which basically identifies why the dude was as solid as he was: He got guys out with noteworthy consistency over a long period of time. Though he never won himself a ring, he did go 3-0 in post-season appearances, tallying 18 fans to seven free bases.

Dave Righetti is also the proud owner of one of my all-time favorite stats: He, until Dennis Eckersley joined him, was the only pitcher in baseball history to pitch a shutout and lead the league in saves in his career. That right there’s impressive. I don’t care who you are. Dave Righetti and Meatballs: worthy of HoG25 inclusion.

12. Troy Percival

Old No. 7: Right around here is where the quality of closers takes a serious upswing. If Percival was a hitter, he might be Steve Garvey -— not quite a Hall of Famer but a big name who put up good numbers for a long time.

Most closers flame out. They dominate for a short time, and then either their arm blows up or they simply can’t get the job done anymore. Eric Gagne, Bobby Thigpen, Mitch Williams and David Aardsma all had a huge year or two, but the rest of their careers were completely pedestrian. Look at the list of closers for the 30 MLB teams coming out of spring training, and then look at it in September. In an average year, half of the list turns over. Half. Guys either get hurt or get fired, and it’s not just rookies and journeymen. Jonathan Broxton began 2009 as arguably baseball’s best closer and the top pick at the position in fantasy baseball. The Dodgers finished the year allowing Hong-Chih Kuo and Kenley Jansen to finish games, while a healthy Broxton, in his prime at 26, filled a mop-up role. It comes and it goes in this game.

That’s what separates one-hit wonders from truly exceptional closers like Troy Percival. Percy nailed it down for nine full seasons in Los Anaheim, averaging almost 35 saves a year while the Angels transitioned from also-rans to contenders and finally 2002 World Series champs under Mike Scoscia. Percival answered the bell every time for almost a decade, which doesn’t seem like much until you measure him against his peers. Percival was a rock.

11. Rollie Fingers

bankmeister: Roland Glen Fingers is one of those bubble athletes that appear in each of these selections that flirts with our pre-determined window of time. Most of Fingers’ impressive career happened before our window opened, and I’ve no problem admitting that. I’ll own my selection, and I’ll state that some of my desire to select him was the ‘stache. You’d be a fool not to give that waxed piece of history its due props. It was the complete pitcher that threw me for a loop, though, every time he took the hill. I saw Fingers pitch quite a few times as a youngster and I was old enough to know that people just don’t come out of the womb looking like that, so I imagine that a part of me wondered if a person could invest time and energy into a look and still be an effective game-time performer. Turns out, a person can.

Funny thing about Fingers, though, was that he was, in my pea brain, a Milwaukee Brewer, pure and simple. It was a time when, to me, athletes simply logged a career in one uniform, and to be fair to myself, a lot of guys did. But imagine my shattered understanding of professional sports when I later learned that the mustachioed one had served nearly a decade with the A’s, another handful of years with San Diego, and only, at the end of his career, did he become a Brewer.

The numbers on Fingers are lovable, however, even if he hung up the spikes near the beginning of our segment. He won, as an A, three consecutive World Series, earned eight All-Star-Game appearances, and one Cy Young Award. Over 1700 innings of service, he netted 341 saves (good for Top 10 all time), tallied a career 2.90 E.R.A, and 1300 strikeouts. There are two kinds of people in this world: those who love and respect Rollie Fingers, and those that get stabbed in the appendix. Unless of course, you had your appendix removed before you had an opinion on the man.

That's 25-11, kids. If you remember the drill, we'll be back tomorrow for the remaining 10. Hope you enjoyed. Read more

Historically Speaking: Bare-Handed Beatings

We're rollin' afternoon style with the history today. Why? 'Cause we call the shots, that's why. Now hop to it.

* Today in 1889 was some crazy-ass boxing action: John L. Sullivan, in the 75th round, beat Jake Kilrain for the championship in the last bare-knuckle fight.

* More All-Star Action: Today in 1935, the American League took a 4-1 victory in Cleveland; they won again six years later (7-5) in Detroit; in 1947 they posted another W (2-1) at Wrigley Field in Chicago; it was the National League's turn today in 1952 when they won 3-2 in Philadelphia; but the A.L. was back to their winning ways on July 8, 1958 in Baltimore; the N.L., however, won (its ninth consecutive) today in 1980 at Dodger Stadium by a 4-2 tally; and finally, in 1997, the American League defeated the N.L., ending a three-game winning streak by those that bat their pitchers.

* The year was 1953 when the University of Notre Dame announced that, for the next five years, their football games would be shown over closed-circuit television in theaters.

* Billy Martin, on this date in 1980, logged his 1,000th victory as his A's beat the Yankees.

* Finally, today in 1991, MLB umpire Steve Palermo and former NFL defensive lineman Terrence Mann, were shot attempting to assist two waitresses being held up.

And your Sports Illustrated quote of the day came from the mouth of...



...former Chicago Cub rightfielder Bobby Murcer, who, after facing Atlanta Brave knuckler Phil Niekro, said, "Trying to hit him is like trying to eat Jell-O with chopsticks."
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Historically Speaking: 4-21-09

Ah, yes. Today's much better. I promise. Plus, there's no day baseball, so if you skip the history lesson, what're you gonna read? The funnies? Get busy, clown.

* Today in 1951 the NBA's Rochester Royals beat the New York Knicks, four games to three for the basketball championship.

* It was 29 years ago today when a gal by the name of Rosie Ruiz won the Boston Marathon when she crossed the finish line in record-breaking time: two hours, 31 minutes, 56 seconds. She later had her victory taken away, after it was discovered that she'd like, taken some buses and shit.

* Perhaps the most famous comeback in baseball history happened today in 1991 in a contest between the Pittsburgh Pirates and the Chicago Cubs. Andre Dawson and the Cubs generated five runs in the top of the 11th, thanks largely to Dawson's grand slam, only to see the Pirates plate six in the bottom of the inning for the win, all of this happening after Pittsburgh rallied from down 7-2 in the ninth to take it to the extra frames.

* Three years later, Indians first baseman Eddie Murray hit a pair of monumental home runs, going yard from both sides of the plate for the 11th time in his career. The shots broke Mickey Mantle's switch-hitting homer record, and pushed Murray past Dave Kingman, into the 20th spot on the career home run list with number 444.

* Nineteen ninety-six was the year that the Chicago Bulls posted an NBA-record 72 wins in the regular season, losing only on eight occasions, which is, you know, slightly above average.

And your Sports Illustrated quote of the day came from the mouth of...



...magnificently mustachioed Detroit Tigers closer Todd Jones, who, a few short years ago, was asked how he manages to get through his usual one inning of work without dominant stuff. Jones' reply: "By the time they realize I don't have anything, the inning's over."
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Historically Speaking: Tax Day 2009

Yes, yes, yes. I'm sure the local news stations across the country will be boiling over with thrilling stories of how long the lines are at the post offices. I'd rather they just hang the press release from my eyeballs with thumb tacks. We know. We know. This has been happening for decades. Just get to the depressing rapes and murders already. Anyhow, it's baseball season, the NFL schedule just came out, hockey playoffs start tonight, and the NBA ain't far behind. I'm not saying we'll look at all of these sports/leagues after the jump, but you should go there anyway. It's way more exciting than the news.

* Couple of interesting baseball bits to get things rolling this morning: Today in 1958 was the first occasion for Major League Baseball in San Francisco, where the Giants blanked the Dodgers 8-0. Ten years later, the New York Mets would fall 1-0 in a game against the Houston Astros. It would take 24 innings for that run to occur. And no, those two stories have absolutely nothing to do with one another.

* I said yesterday that we'd be done with the Masters nonsense but we've got some good ones today, so call me a liar. In 1979, Fuzzy Zoeller won with a 280; and it was 1984 when Ben Crenshaw was fitted for a green blazer, thanks to his 277.

* Since we're doing things in twos, it was this date in 1947 when Jackie Robinson played his first regular-season game for the Brooklyn Dodgers. All the previous ones had been in exhibition. Fifty years later to the day, MLB honored Robinson by retiring his number 42 for each team in the league, and they will honor him again today by having teams at 15 parks represent represent.

* It was 1972 today when the Oakland A's beat the Minnesota Twins 4-3 in 11 innings. Wanna know what was interesting about that day? A guy named Reggie "I must kill...the queen" Jackson rocked a moustache (Editor's Note: Why? Why must we have two accepted spellings for this word?) for the victory, making him the first MLBer to sport facial hair in nearly 60 years. Wally Schang, in 1914, then of the Philadelphia Athletics, had been the last to do so.

* Eleven years later, Detroit Tiger Milt Wilcox is one out away from a perfect game when Jerry Hairston of the White Sox knocked his chances with a single. Wilcox went on to get the 6-0 win, and became the third MLB hurler to see a perfect game slip away with two down in the ninth.

And your Sports Illustrated quote of the day is actually quite appropriate for an April 15. It came from the mouth of...



... one-time New Jersey Nets guard Otis Birdsong, who had his own twist on the famous saying regarding life's only certainties, indicating that they were none other than, "Death, taxes, and my jump shot."

On that note, don't forget to pay the man, America. Ain't no House of Georges print version available in the can. Well, not unless we know you, in which case we'll need your address.
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Saturday Studmuffins: The Oft-Mustachioed Ed Podolak

Since the Iron Triangle here in this House of Georges, consists of three dudes woven from the cloth of scribe, we, despite our differences, have one thing in common: the theme. Now, if you look just below this post, you'll notice that Cecil has kicked off the day with an image of a former player's trading card. If you look farther than that, you'll see that I've linked to The Big Lead a handful of times this week, and so I decided to tap into both motifs, and discuss a guy, the news of whom comes to us from TBL, who has clearly, one of the handsomest cards ever printed. That's none other than former Kansas City Chief Ed Podolak. The first conversation us HoGsters ever had regarding Podolak, came in the newsroom of The Independent, the student newspaper of THE Fort Lewis College (Editor's Note: Don't bother with that link; their Web site is under construction.). A few unimportant details after the jump...

It was a non-descript day at The Indy, and Old No. 7, Cecil, and myself were -- shocker -- talking football. Seven asked me the name of that Chief tailback that also used to, along with myriad other roles, return kicks, and chalk up mad yardage most every time he played. It was none other than Ed Podolak. Now, the guy's name has come up a bunch lately. When the Chiefs lost to Miami at Arrowhead last month, his name easily came up a half dozen times in that that game was the second-coldest game ever played at Arrowhead, and the coldest in which a Dolphins team has ever participated. His name came up because, as is always the case with cold December games in KC, or in any Chiefs-Miami contest, the Christmas game of 1971 is mentioned.

Around Kansas City, you can hear tales from season-ticket holders of the olden days discuss how bizarre of a day that game was, how it jacked up Christmas dinners, and how it was, in essence, the first of many Chiefs losses to come that would result via the mishaps of idiot kickers. It's possible that many NFL franchises have equal histories, but the Chiefs have got to be among the tops. From Jan Stenerud's regulation-ending miss, to the few-but-costly misses of Nick Lowery, to Lin Elliot's three-miss day in the playoffs against the Colts in the 1995 season. Throw in the epic, end-of-season match between the Raiders and Chiefs on January 2, 2000, where "kickoff specialist" Jon Baker -- a guy the team brought in seemingly days prior -- put three kickoffs out of bounds to give the Raiders excellent field position, and ultimately the win, and don't forget last year's draft debacle in Justin Medlock, or even Herm's (one of many) oops in selecting Nick Novak over Connor Barth just this past season, the history of Chief kickers is rich with head-slappers. (Note: For the record, Baker is now on Billy Cundiff's staff, another kicker the Chiefs have brought in -- for reasons unknown to anyone -- for workouts on numerous occasions. Hell, they even signed the kid this past off-season. Also of note is that the staff also employs a guy who's last name appears to be pronounced "home-wrecker," and one of my favorite Chris Bermanisms, Michael "Come Esta" Husted.)

But I do indeed digress.

Podolak got multiple mentions, and even quick stat appearance, in last week's Colts-Chargers game, as San Diego midget Darren Sproles almost eclipsed that Christmas Day '71 record. Sproles put up 328 all-purpose yards in the contest, including two scores. Podolak, in his record-setting day some 38 years ago, "carried the ball 17 times for 85 yards, caught eight passes for 110 yards, returned three kickoffs for 153 yards, and ran back 2 punts for 2 yards" giving him a net of 350 on the day.

Since 1982, Podolak has been part of the Iowa Hawkeyes radio team, and when there was some Outback Bowl partying to be done this year, the Chiefs Hall-of-Famer wasn't shy about joining. And as TBL reports, this isn't per se, a first for the color commentator:

"In 1997, Iowa City police charged Podolak with public intoxication and interference with official acts after campus police found him sleeping in the grass on the University of Iowa Pentacrest. At the time of the arrest, a blood test found he had a blood-alcohol level of 0.23."

Wow. Point two three. That's pretty impressive, even to the Bon Scotts and the John Bonhams of the drinking world. Needless to say, it will be interesting to see if his services are retained. Regardless, that's one heck of a 'stache, a fashion-piece TBL says is most certainly



on the comeback trail. One could argue that the trend started right here in good ol' Kansas City. Sure, it's been six years. But you know, these things take time.
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Saturday Studmuffins: Tennessee Titans Head Coach Jeff Fisher

The Big Lead tips us off to this story, which basically says that Jeff Fisher parachuted into practice yesterday. Geez. Must be nice to have a cool coach. Apparently, the jump was "from a helicopter with members of the 101st Airborne Parachute team and landed on the practice field...Players said the coach used the jump to deliver a message to his 10-0 team about overcoming obstacles. One of the parachute team members is Sgt. Max Ramsey, who lost a leg while serving in Iraq.

'He has been able to overcome that adversity and still do what he does,’ Tulloch said. 'It shows us no matter what, we can accomplish what we want. That's what I took from it. ... It is unbelievable.'"

Yeah. I'll say. If Herman Edwards ever did something exciting to motivate his players, something as an obstacle-overcoming example, it was never publicized. Either way, that's some cool stuff.

(photo courtesy of U.S. Army)
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Midseason Report Card: NL West

What. So it's September. Hardly mid-season. I got it, already. We type (from wheelchairs no less) our content, mail it to a Web-publishing office, who then sends us a draft edit, and we fix stuff, and send it back. It takes time. We promise, though, to have the National League covered by month's end. For real. Anyway, special agent Johnny Utah joins us today, and if you like what he says about America's pastime, then check out what the babealicious Sooze said about the AL Central here, Blanche Feverpiss on the West here, and Rustoleum's slant on the East here. Actually, we don't really care if you liked it or not. We did, and we're not only slow as erosion, we're self-pleasers. Anyway, for the record, our boy Utah is also a fan of exclamation points and all-capping the occasional word.

Bankmeister: First, if you would, tell us a bit about yourself, your history as a baseball fan, and how you've come to embrace the team we all associate with Tommy Lasorda, Steve Garvey, (Editor's Note: I've heard you say before that Garvey is a sore spot since he later went to San Diego, but that's how I'll always remember him, so all apologies.) Steve Sax, Ron Cey, and of course, Fernando Valenzuela. I trust you were well engaged by the 1988 World Series, and I'll assume that since I remember the '81 defeat of the Yankees, that you do, too.

Beyond that, as of today, the Dodgers are a game and-a-half back of the Arizona Diamonbacks (Note: Obviously a few days ago; the reverse is true today.), and if memory serves correctly -- chances are it doesn't, and I'm too lazy to look it up -- that's pretty much been the case since mid-season, give or take a small handful of games. We've got a little over three weeks left in this regular season, and as of today, L.A. hosts Arizona for a three-game series (Note: LA swept that series, 7-0, 7-2, and 5-3). How do you see this division shaking up? If Team Lasorda can't get it done, the Phillies right now have a better record than the Dodgers. I imagine that you're hoping to take the division and rule out the nerve-racking possibility of having to squeak in as a wildcard.

Johnny Utah: Ok, Im a life-long Dodger fan since my father played for them in the 60s and later tried to make a comeback in the Phillies organization. I grew up in Philly watching the likes of Mike Schmidt, but always had the Blue Blood. And yes, Garvey is my boy even though he became a Padre (I still block that out!). The wanker once not only wouldn't sign an autograph for me, but he dropped my pen and wouldn't pick it up! Bastard!

The '88 series was magical for me. I was fresh out of high school and becoming a member of the working force. Man, I remember the Gibby home run like it was yesterday. It was all the sweeter that he hit it off Douche Eckersley. In my opinion, Mickey Hatcher was the MVP of the series but never got the credit. One home run all year, with 2 clutch at bats in the series! Atta boy, Mickey!

Enough with the history lesson; on to the present. It has to be the division or nothing. Ten games out of the wild card would be next to impossible, so nix that out of the equation.

This weekend series is pivotal. Good for me that it takes place in the not-so-friendly confines of Chavez Ravine. I predict the boys in blue take two out of the three and go on to win the division by two games. Why?

First, the Snakes' rotation is totally overrated. The Unit is not what he was. He's not intimidating anymore, although John One Nut Kruk will say different. Brandon Webb has proven in his last two outings that he is not untouchable. He has given up six runs in each of his last two, one of the games in question was to the pillow-bitting Padres. Sit down Webby, you started hot and gave my fantasy team a boost, but...Dan Haren? Gimme a break....

Adam Dunn was a nice pickup, NOT. The friggin guy strikes out more than me at a Victoria's Secret photo shoot! Moot point, just wanted to include.

Why LaLa will take it...

Joe Torre is a really good manager. He has kept Jeff "The Mustache Kent" from causing any grief with teammates. Bonus points there!

The bullpen has proven that even with the loss of Takashi Saito they can shut down the opposition in the closing innings. Kind of a closer-by-committee approach courtesy of Mr. Torre. Chan Ho Park and Jonathan Broxtan have proven themselves in this department.

A quality starting staff: Derek Lowe has been in many a playoff hunt, so there is some experience. Chad Billingsly is going to be a fantasy stud in the next few years, as is Clayton Kershaw. In fact, the Indians wanted Billingsly in a deal for Sabathia, which LA obviously declined. Thank you, Ned Colletti!

The additions of Casey Blake and ManRam: They have both contributed a great deal. Blake seems to come up with key hits in the clutch. Manny always finds a way to get on base now that he is happy with his situation. Even if it is by the ole IBB, he is a strong bat in the lineup the Bums have been missing since Pedro Guererro.

The schedule also points in the favor of LA. More road games, but six against San Diego, six against the Jints, and four at Pittsburgh.

Looming are the fricken Rockies @ five games back. They DID come out of nowhere last year....Not concerned about Jorge DeLa Rosa this year....Matt Holliday would look good in Blue, isnt he a free agent?....I'm just saying

B: Interesting. So, LA has the edge based the non-strength of their remaining schedule, and because the Diamondbacks, are, you say, a tad overrated? Perhaps I can see a shade of that with their rotation, but they've still managed to score more runs than anybody in the division except the Rockies. That means they're either putting some lumber on some seamage, or getting on base and advancing runners, or some combination of both. Therefore, they can remain competitive, even if their pitching is slightly weaker than it looks on paper. Are you feeling confident enough to guarantee an LA division title? Assuming you are, and that that happens, who would you fear most in the playoffs? The Cubs of course have the great record, but they sort of seem to be falling apart right now. Do the Mets pose a threat? How about Milwaukee? They're my dark horse.

JU: Very overrated. They do have the second most runs in the division. However, when they lost the O-Dog Orlando Hudson, they lost a piece of their chemistry. Since he was placed on the DL August 10th, they have seemed to lose steam. I have a lot of love for Steven Drew, baseball's version of Scott Skiles, but he alone won't get the job done. Adam Dunn, as I stated earlier, is a strikeout machine. He is unable to advance runners. Glory hound I say...

With that, I say I'm very confident on a NL West Title. Im trying to stay unbiased, but all signs point to DodgerTown.

Although the starting rotation is shaky, the Phils are the biggest scare. That lineup is fierce. Chase Utley has a career .355 and an OPS of 1.105 against my boys. Russell Martin has been horrendous throwing out runners this year, so Jimmy Rollins becomes even more dangerous. Shane Victorino (who was drafted by LA in '99) finds ways of coming aroung to score. Needless to say, sound fundamental ball is the Dodgers' weakness.

Just advancing to the NLCS will be a victory after the past disappointments.

It will occur, write it down. So says Johnny Utah.

B: NLCS you say? So they get in, win one round of the playoffs, get eliminated, and you're fine with that? I find that hard to swallow. Frankly, I would expect more from someone who's waited 20 years for a Dodger World Series trophy, and even more so for someone who watched a Philly Eagles team come so close for those consecutive years, only to go home disappointed each time.

JU: Geez, Banky. Why do you have to bring Donnie Mac into this?

I'm not saying that I would be satisfied with a one and out. I was just saying that anything less than that would be a huge disappointment. With bringing in Torre, and his ability to manage the team, not winning the division would have Dodger Nation calling for his head.

We Blue Bloods are hungry for a ring! With ManRam, Torre, the pitching staff, and the hot bat of Ethier, it's obtainable.

B: Fair enough, Utah. How do you see the rest of the playoffs panning out, both NL and AL?

JU: For the N.L., I see Dodgers~Phillies in the NLCS, with the Phils winning in six games. In the A.L., I see the Red Sox taking the East, with the Rays getting the wild card. White Sox and Twins tie, with the Pale Hose winning the one-game tie breaker. I'll say the Angels take out the South Siders in the ALCS.

I predict another title for the Angels in five games. They have no glaring weakness.

B: Interesting. No Baby Bears anywhere in the mix? First-round elimination for the best record in baseball?

JU: Not so much; just not sold on the Scrubs (real original I know). I'm not buying this 100 years; it's fate B.S. I hate the Cubs so much that come November I'm writing in Steve Bartman for Prez!

B: Alrighty, then. It's been a pleasure having you with us. If you make it to the Ravine for any playoff ball, be careful. Humberto will find you.

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Monday Miscellany: 7-28-08

It's Monday. We're working hard/hardly working, and bored. To pass the time, here are a few fun sound bytes to listen to while we hurl a bunch of completely random barrels at our readership. I've never understood the concept of using a hammer to bash anything other than a nail. It just seems odd and fruitless. An easier solution seems to be to simply jump.

CBS Sportsline is re-visiting their Top 50 Jerkiest Athletes of All Time list from last year with an updated version. Good calls include: Art Modell, Bill Romanowski, Terrell Owens, Mike Tyson, Ron Artest, Adam Jones, John Rocker, "Ko-Me" Bryant, and Mike Vick.

Not so much: Michael Irvin gone from the list? O.J. Simpson replaced at number one by Roger Clemens? Reggie Jackson higher than Bonds, Bryant and Jones? Tommy Lasorda's more of a jerk than George Steinbrenner? What will Humberto and the Dodgers' faithful say?

(Props to The Big Lead for delivering the links, and for this story, which makes me wonder if Peyton was around.)

Kissing Suzy Kolber has been previewing each division in the NFL. Their latest is the AFC North, which they apparently don't think too highly of. Freaking hilarious.

Joe Morgan accepted the first Buck O'Neil Lifetime Achievement Award in Cooperstown this weekend. The award itself is an honor, and Morgan is clearly deserving of it. The article, however, is very confusing as MLB HOF president Jeff Idelson presented the award to O'Neil's son Warren, who presented the award to Morgan? On behalf of the O'Neil family? Though The Kansas City Star article's sub-header and photo caption are confusing, it's clarified in this video by Negro Leagues Baseball Museum Marketing Director Bob Kendrick; O'Neil's family received the first award, in honor of the late Buck, then handed one to Joe Morgan, as this year's recipient.

Fire Joe Morgan thinks that the Dodgers G.M. is crafty. I mean, his name is Ned after all. He must be.

Elsewhere in the world of craftiness is the guy that made this sign:



(image courtesy of Babes Love Baseball)

Those crazy Red Sox. When they're not belting tunes with Chesney, or cooing Manny, they're looking back at some of their club's best 'staches of the past. Or at least we are.

Be it AL East, NL West, or NL Central, trade talks continue to circulate, and Mark at Bugs and Cranks thinks that the rumor mill regarding the Rockies might be changing.

Of course there are always rumors. Some are more believable than others. Some are just plain shocking. Like the one that suggests that ESPN might replace Barry Melrose with Matthew Barnaby. The former Sabre and Penguin did have a knack for logging penalty minutes (2562 for his career next to 113 goals and 187 assists), but I doubt he can outdo the mulleted master of pinstripe-suit-wearing white guys. Come. On.

(shizams to Going Five Hole via Awful Announcing)

And for no apparent reason, I'll once again link to the article known as "The Chase." Just because it's that good.
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Stay Classy, Kansas City: Nick Lowery

Coming at our vast readership from the sticks in Ohio is another exciting installment of "Stay Classy, Kansas City." As we prepare for rehearsal-related material for The Lone Reader's day-away nuptials ceremony, it's really important to take sacred time with friends and family and throw it in the garbage so that one can editorialize about former athletes they despise. And that's just what I aim to do today. Thus far in the series we've talked about hookers-and-cocaine hockey defensemen, baseball manager tirades, and offensive linemen that like to ram spouses with vehicular modules. Today, after the jump, we stray, and visit an example of how to be a complete and total douche bag.

There are a million Nick Lowery stories to debate, this most recent one aside. Know what? I'm simply not interested in them. Why? 'Cause I fucking hate Nick Lowery.

Why? Well, that's a good question, as are most that one asks of oneself. Truthfully, I probably shouldn't hate him. But I do. I shouldn't because a lot of my animosity should be aimed at the front office and coaching staffs -- those of Lowery's tenure -- of the Kansas City Chiefs for all of the pain and suffering they put me through. That pain and suffering translates to this: this team, for most of my childhood and early adolescense, could not manage to accomplish a single thing beyond kicking field goals and losing football games.

So, it's not necessarily, for the point of this series, to assume that Lowery is not a classy guy. That wouldn't be fair. I'm just here to illustrate the fact that I think Lowery is the source of the motivation behind calling dudes "tools." And that's so because he always struck me as a smug prick, way before I knew what "smug" and "prick" meant. I'm aware of the fact that this anguish comes from seeing him immediately after endless failures to get in the end zone, year after year after year. But it wasn't like I'd not want to see him and he'd come out on the field and do something cool. He wouldn't.

Instead, he'd trot out there in that retarded single-bar helmet, that really didn't look cool on anyone. He'd stand there, leaning forwardish, and dangle his arms out in front of him, then reach up into that gay-ass helmet and pull on his moustache with both hands about 47 times before the ball was snapped. Then he'd drill the pigskin through the uprights, and offer himself an over-zealous fist pump. Oh. I forgot. Except when it fucking mattered, like, in important, threshold-of-the-season type scenarios. And then he sucked rotten lemons.

But yeah. Repeat that pattern for like forty-hundred seasons or so, throw in a zillion Chiefs and NFL records, blend it up, strain it into a glass, and whaddaya' have? A total dill hole, that's what. I suppose that, had the Chiefs, say won a couple of Super Bowls while Nick the Dick was on the payroll, I'd probably love the guy. But I don't. He can fall onto a pile of battery-acid soaked porcupines for all I care.

But oh well. At least it's 2008 and the Chiefs have abandoned the philosophy of losing lots of games they couldn't win by buckets full of field goal attempts. Christ.
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