Baseball In The Daytime: 1 October 2009

Buckle your chin straps and fasten your safety belts, because this is the penultimate Baseball In The Daytime of the whole year and it's a humdinger. That was about the most nonsensical sentence imaginable, as you don't wear helmets or seatbelts while watching day baseball. Unless you're mentally retarded, in which case I apologize for my gross insensitivity to your condition.

Also, I believe that at least a few of next week's Division Series games will be played during daylight hours, so I was wrong there as well. WHO'S THE RETARD NOW?

Juvenile insults aside, we truly do have some killer games on the sked this afternoon. We've got a Cy Young race to decide, a possible playoff spot to clinch, and home field issues on the Senior Circuit to untangle. Some teams are rising, some stumbling, some playing out the string, and some trying to build a little momentum for the offseason. Let's get right into the fray, after the jump...

St. Louis @ Cincinnati, 10:35 Mountain The popular scuttlebutt holds that the NL Cy Young battle is a three-man race. Those men are Tim Lincecum of the Giants (who won in '08) and Cardinals teammates Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright. For my money Wainwright's the guy--he's been the most consistently unhittable from start to finish, even though Carpenter and Lincecum have slightly better stuff. It's not wrapped up, however, and a memorable start by Carpenter today could sway some of the spineless chin-strappers that inhabit the Baseball Writers of America. Carpenter's foil today is Cincinnati's Kip Wells.

Of more import than individual awards is the seeding in the NL playoffs. The Dodgers are still on top of the league with 93 wins, but they've dropped four straight to the putrid Pirates and Padres by a combined score 0f 25-7. Philadelphia sits a game behind with 92 wins, while the Rockies and Cardinals are currently at 90. All four of these teams are still in the mix for the top spot, and so every game they play over the next four days is impactful for playoff positioning.

Minnesota @ Detroit, 11:05 Over in the American League, we've got but one spot in the October tournament up for grabs. Someone has to win the Central division, and that someone will be one of the two teams wrasslin' at Comerica today. The Tigers, thanks to last night's 7-2 TKO of the Twins, hold a commanding three-game lead with four to play. A Detroit win behind lefty Nate Robertson means the race is over, good night, please hand in your keys. Should Scott Baker and Minnesota prevail, however, we keep this slugfest alive for at least one more day.

Milwaukee @ Colorado, 1:10 The brooms are out at Coors today, along with whatever symbolic trinketry you smuggle in when you're about to clinch. A boxing glove? A roll of toilet paper? An octopus? I don't know the protocol here. Aaron Cook starts for the home Rockies, who with a win lock down their second playoff berth in three seasons. Manny Parra tries to prevent any celebration on his watch, and you know what? Fuck Manny Parra and fuck the Brewers. We're taking a stand today, and it is decidedly homeriffic in the Centennial State.

With a victory, Colorado can also stay alive for a super-unlikely division crown, which would be their first. Tomorrow the Rox start a season-ending three-gamer at Chavez Ravine versus the free-falling Dodgers.

Arizona @ San Francisco, 1:45 The last of our BitD four-spot features the day's finest pitching matchup, Dan Haren against Lincecum. Haren has gone into his traditional second-half swoon, transforming from onetime Cy candidate to a guy who gives up five a game. Not that I'm bitter, not that I need Dan Haren to show up today to salvage my fading hopes in a fantasy baseball final. Let's throw a few strikes today, fellas, and Play Ball! Read more

Baseball In The Daytime: Dressed To The Nines

It's 09/09/09, so go buy your Beatles Rockband for your Atari boxes. While you're at it, pick up a copy of Posnanski's new book. It comes out today, except it comes out next week.

If you choose not to rock out with your cock out or jam out with your clam out on plastic guitars, watch a ballgame. It's free, it's easy, and it's the law. Previews, after the jump...

Texas @ Cleveland, 10:05 Mountain If it weren't for the Rangers, the American League "pennant race" would be nonexistent. Texas is the only thing keeping the Angels from coasting to another AL West title (they're 4 1/2 back). They're the only reason the Red Sox have yet to wrap up the wild card (2 games separate the Sox and Rangers). The Cleveland Indians are not a part of any baseball race, except the one for Most Disappointing 2009 MLB Club. It's a pitched battle between them and the Mets, as the Cubs' comparatively strong recent play makes them merely frustrating. Scott Feldman and Fausto Carmona gets the starts.

Chicago @ Pittsburgh, 12:35 Speaking of the Cubbies, they're in Iron City this afternoon trying to make a little hay. Pittsburgh just clinched an ignominious honor--they're guaranteed to finish the season with a losing record for the 17th consecutive year. No other team in a major sport has ever done this, I'm told, so I guess what the Washington Generals do is not major, Major. Hate on Barry Bonds all you want, but the argument could be made that no athlete leaving a team had a greater impact than Barry moving on from the Pirates. Ex-Cub Kevin Hart tries to bring the pain to his old mates, who are represented by the Big Z.

St. Louis @ Milwaukee, 12:05 Adam Wainwright takes on Jeff Suppan in this meeting at Miller, and Wainwright's chief competition for the NL Cy Young Award dresses in his own clubhouse. Chris Carpenter probably took the lead in the Cy derby with his one-hitter against the Brewers Monday night. Can Wainwright match his teammate against the same gang of preening, douchey, underachieving blowhards? The Brewers really rub me the wrong way, especially that prick Ryan Braun. His act is tired.

San Diego @ San Francisco, 1:45 Watch the Giants, watch them fall. In the wild card standings, that is. Time is running out on these G-Men, they're now three games behind Colorado after ace Tim Lincecum (heh) tweaked some component of his back and touted prospect Madison Bumgarner (heh) was forced to make his big-league debut, a loss. At least they get to rely on currently-dependable millionaire Barry Zito and his 78-mph cheese today. Wade LeBlanc gets the nod from the Padres after being called up when Kyle Blanks hit the DL. LeBlanc is like the French version of Blanks, so expect him to give up...a few runs. Thank you, I'll be here all week. Make sure you tip your waitress, and Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: el 20 de Agosto, Dos Mil Nueve

There's some Thursday day baseball on tap today, and it's comin' at you two-for-one style instead of the usual sixer. Read all about it, after the jump.

They Might Be Giants @ WKRPs, 11:35 Central: Our leadoff contest is a National League snoozer, which is a bit redundant, but hey. Just kidding San Francisco, even though they've let the SethFuckingSmiths leapfrog them in the standings, has had a pretty impressive season. They sit a dozen over .500 heading into this contest, and they'll send Matt Cain-and-Abel to the hill. He's put together an awesome 12-4 effort and kept the ol' E.R.A. under three, which is rad for a dude that may or may not kill his own brother. His adversary is one Aaron Harang-ya-Harang-ya-went-out-get-a-rope-and-hang-ya. Oh, my God, it's early. A pre-nooner even, for Harang, who's just been unappreciated this season, keeping the earned-run average to a 4.35 but going 6-14 thus far, mostly because his team's offense is awful. How awful? They've scored 14 fewer runs than the Royals, if that's any indication. Anyhoo, DirecTV has the match for you on 721, 722, or have a listen on XM 183.

Former Pilots @ Motown Roy Horn Assailants, 12:05: Couple .500+ clubs, couple .500+ pitchers set to go. I likey. My man Ryan Rowland-Smith gets the tops of innings in a Seattle uniform today, while sheep-fucker Jerrod Washburn goes for the Tigers. Both of these clubs can piss off, for all I care. Stupid Detroit keeps forcing the Royals to stay in last place in the A.L. Central, and it's like the Mariners are in on it too, threatening our general manager to continue taking all of their players. But Detroit has seen Minnesota slide in the Central and Chicago's still heel-nipping, all of two games back. Seattle, meanwhile, has continued to play respectable ball, even though they're 12 games out in the West. It's Rowland-Smith's 2-1/3.60 against Washburn's 8-7/2.95 for our second and last day baseball affair, and you can find it on DirecTV 213, 723, or 724. XM might have it, too. Check channel 176 to be sure.

There you have it, baseball fans. If you head out to the yard, drink some water and put on some sunscreen. That sun's a devil out there.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 12 August 2009

Five games dot our landscape of day baseball this morning and afternoon, and we have teams representing five of the United States and one Canadian province. Break out your atlas and a rosin bag and get ready to head round the world of baseball...

Toronto @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Mountain The Yanks keep bulldozing toward a seemingly inevitable AL East crown, which will buy Joe Girardi at least two weeks of job security. Lose in the first round again, though, and Joe might be toast. A.J. Burnett, today's starter against his former BJ's teammates, holds a major key to the Bombers' postseason puzzle. If he can be an effective No. 2 behind Commander Cheeseburger, start planning a tickertape parade down Broadway. If he acts like A.J. Burnett, though, and the load falls to Joba and Pettite, Girardi may want to hold off on buying Manhattan real estate. Ricky Romero hurls for the visitors.

Oakland @ Baltimore, 11:35 It's very possible that these two clubs will sport two of the finest young staffs in the majors next year. Of course, a big reason for that is because they have zero veterans and they're playing kids that would be normally be in the minors. Oakland's Vin Mazzaro looks like a future ace, but he gets lit up a lot because he's 22. Oriole Jason Berken, a relative graybeard at 25, is not among Baltimore's elite prospects like Chris Tillman, Brian Matusz and David Hernandez, but he still shows big-league potential.

Tampa @ Los Anaheim, 1:35 After their deadline deal to trade their old "Devil" name to the Yankees fell through, the Bay-Rays were able to get the moniker through waivers this week. It's possible that the Angels, in need of some thump for the stretch drive, might deal Tampa a lefty reliever and a player to be named later, because the Los Anaheim Devil-Angels of Costa Mesa is a fucking sweet tag. On the field, these two gangs take up hostilities again this afternoon, after the Halos swept the first two games of this series. Jeff Niemann tries to salvage one for the Bay-Rays, while Trevor Bell becomes the 100th pitcher to start a game for the Angels this season.

NY Mets @ Arizona, 1:40 In an air-conditioned box in downtown Phoenix, two lousy baseball teams will play a baseball game that means absolutely nothing. If no one attends and they forget to turn on the cameras, will it actually happen? Of course it will, there are fantasy implications. Oliver Perez and Jon Garland take the balls from their respective catchers, and if you're counting on either Oliver Perez or Jon Garland for your fantasy baseball hopes today, I'd suggest some strong liquor.

LA Dodgers @ San Francisco, 1:45 The Giants rolled into this series after beating up on some damn good teams, including taking a series from the defending champion Phillies. They'd closed to within four and a half of the Dodgers, who'd lost 10 of 15 and have No. 1 starter Chad Billingsley gimpy and missing today's start.

So what happens? The Dodgers simply fuck the Giants up in the first two games of the series and stand to sweep today. San Fran has very nice pitching, but even with Fat Ichiro and new additions Ryan Garko and Freddy Sanchez their lineup is really, really weak. At least reigning Cy Younger Tim Lincecum starts today, against Weaver. Which Weaver, you ask? Both brothers play in SoCal, they have similar haircuts, and both of their first names start with J. So which one? The bad one. Oh, you mean Jeff. Try to throw strikes, my brother, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: August 5 2009

When you think about it, day baseball is one of the most environmentally friendly civic movements one can imagine. By leaving the lights off, we're preventing like eleventy billion tons of smog-forming emissions from reaching the atmosphere, and our kids will breathe easier in the future. Baseball in the Daytime: hippie-approved since 1837!

So whizz your Prius down to the old ball yard or fire up your hand-cranked radio device for the game action, detailed below if you click right about here...

St. Louis @ NY Mets, 10:10 Mountain Citi Field is the venue and the Cardinals and Mets are the teams for this renewal of a classic Senior Circuit rivalry. Kyle Lohse gets the start for the road Birds, and Lohse is one of only two Native Americans on MLB rosters (the other is flaming fuckstick Joba Chamberlain). Rookie lefty Jonathan Niese dons the home whites of the Metropolitans, who really suck. Yeah, yeah, injuries, cry me a river. Isn't it fun when the team with the second highest payroll in baseball is dreadful? Yes? No? I think it's fun.

San Francisco @ Houston, 12:05 Entering last night's games, the NL Central was bunched into a cute little pattern--you had the Cubbies and the Cards tied in first, the Brewers and the Astros knotted together at 4 games back, and the free-falling Reds and perennially rebuilding Pirates locked at 11 and a half in arrears. So these clubs all played a bunch of baseball games--Albert Pujols hit his fifth grand slam of the year (five fucking grand slams?), Tom Gorzellany won his Cub debut, and everyone else lost. So the NL Central is still bunched into that cute little pattern, only with different numbers.

Joe Martinez makes his first big-league start for the Giants, so we're all pulling for old Joe. Except fans of the Rockies, who are engaged in a gladiatorial death brawl with San Fran for the wild card, they want Joe Martinez to immolate on the mound at Minute Maid Park. Brian Moehler is your Astros starter, he's been around if you know what I mean.

Atlanta @ San Diego, 1:35 There's a faux beach in right center at Petco Park, where you can get some sand in your shoes. Don't goof off in that litterbox too much or you'll miss the rampaging Atlanta Braves, who are in the midst of a violent siege of the Phillies. At press time the Braves sat six and a half back of the champs after winning four of their last ten. Wait, that's not any good. Atlanta does have a nice rotation, represented today by rookie phenom Tommy Hanson, who's kind of fat and nasty yet locates his breaking pitches nicely. Chad Gaudin starts for the Friars, and Chad Gaudin is scheduled to make $1.8 mil this season. So the drinks are on him after the game. I like pina coladas, and getting caught in Play Ball!

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Baseball In The Daytime: July 29 2009

Yesterday was about the most miserable day of the whole summer. I was intensely hung over from the night before, when I volunteered to help serve food at a concert and ended up drinking a vast amount of Evan Williams "bourbon." The Red Sox, who I follow with great relish, blew a seemingly unblowable game--up by three in the ninth with Pap on the hill. The Rockies, who I keep track of with noticeable regional pride, got worked 4-0 by the New York Mets. To call the Mets a train wreck is to insult many proud drunken railroad engineers who once got plowed on Evan Williams and derailed their vessels. The Mets are chaos wrapped in a riot surrounded by a disorganized circus of unsupervised screaming children.

So the mood was sour when I went to play softball. I know, softball. It's not really a sport, and it's barely a game. To compare my softball foibles to what happens on a major league baseball diamond, even if it involves the Mets, is a leap that strains all credibility. But I'm telling the story and you're stuck reading it, so kiss off. My team, which normally defines mediocrity, has been on quite the little postseason run. After an unremarkable 3-5 regular season, we caught fire in the tournament and advanced to semifinals against our hated nemeses, the Rapist Kangaroos. In the midst of losing to these dicks, I took a line drive off my throwing hand. I don't think it's broken, but my right ring finger is about the same color as those two-tone batting helmets the Rockies wear. If I fumble a few Ks and Us while typing today, that's my excuse.

Now that all my whining is out of the way, let's move on to today. The sun is shining, there's day baseball on the docket, and all is right and peaceful with the world. Join me after the jump, where I'll preview today's ballgames and give you several indispensable bits of baseball trivia you can show off around the water cooler...

Houston @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Mountain Boy howdy has this National League Central turned into a humdinger of a donnybrook. After languishing in Suckville for three-fifths of the season, the Cubs have decided in the past two weeks to start playing up to their promise, payroll and preseason predictions. Chicago briefly wrested control of the division from the Cardinals on Monday, but then they gave it right back last night following their heartbreaking gag job versus these dirty Astros. Today the Cubs assign rookie Randy Wells the task of painting the black, while Mike Hampton gets the start for Houston.

Cleveland @ Los Anaheim, 1:35 On the site of an old citrus grove in Orange County today, we get a pitching matchup of Aaron Laffey v. John Lackey. In the annals of funny pitching names, these two are nowhere near the ironical humor of Kevin Slowey, Grant Balfour or Bob Walk. But still, Laffey-Lackey is pretty smirk-inducing. Also, the Indians really blow.

Pittsburgh @ San Francisco, 1:45 While we're getting cheap laughs off of puns involving the random distributions of starting pitchers, let's head to the City By The Bay. There, in a seemingly nondescript tilt betwixt the Pirates and Giants, your starting pitchers are Zach Duke and Matt Cain. Duke-Cain. Same pronunciation as Duquesne, a respectable Catholic university located in...wait for it...Pittsburgh. ZOMG! what are the odds? I guarantee I was the only scribe in Blogstralia to pick up on this stupid, stupid coincidence today.

Toronto @ Seattle, 2:40 Our final day game today features...what? Why are you looking at me like that? I promised you insightful analysis and all you got from me is a rote glance at the standings and a couple dumb jokes? You want stats? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE STATS! I'm here for a few yuks and maybe a guffaw, pal. You want stats, buy an abacus.

Anyway, back to lovely Safeco Field, where Roy Halladay will be on an unfamiliar short leash for his start today. Not because he's shitty or the Blue jays have anything to play for, but because he could literally be traded ANY MINUTE NOW. Seriously, in the middle of his windup he might be tackled by two player-personnel guys from the Phillies and whisked to a waiting helicopter. It's that secretive and intense in the Roy Halladay Saga.

Everyone is shocked, shocked I tell you, that Toronto GM J.P. Ricciardi's super-serious Halladay trading deadline of yesterday was complete bullshit. Doc is still in play, but most teams publicly claim to be offended by Ricciardi's immense greed in the number and quality of prospects it will require to secure his services. Philly refuses to part with Kyle Drabek, the Red Sox balked at Daniel Bard, the Dodgers won't even discuss Clayton Kershaw. Which is all fine, those three kids are fucking studs, and there's a chance that all three will some day win Cy Youngs.

There's also a chance, however, that all three are in a holding tank with Ryan Leaf in two years recounting how they blew out their elbows and no one gave them a second chance. If you're a second-tier club like the Pirates or the Orioles, you don't sell the farm for Halladay. You have to win through homegrown players, it's your only route to success. if you're championship-caliber, as the Phillies, Dodgers and Red Sox are, I think you have to seriously consider giving up your top two, three, or four prospects to get him. This ain't Freddy Garcia we're talking about here, this is the meanest ass-kickingest bulldog in the game. Put him on any of the aforementioned three clubs and the road to a title becomes smooth and straight. I'm not saying it guarantees a title, no one player can do that. But it makes it infinitely easier.

If I'm the Sox or the Phillies, and I just won a ring in the past 22 months, I can see backing off and protecting the depth of your organization. You won titles without Halladay and you might do so again. But the Dodgers, come on. The Cards, the (shudder) Yankees, the Angels...what are you guys doing? You get Halladay, you can start printing World Series tickets. Prospects are just that--they may pan out they may not. The Angles have hoarded their minor-league kids for years, and in my opinion it's cost them at least one additional championship. Remember Dallas McPherson. Supposed to be the top power-hitting prospect in all of baseball, now he's an usher for the Shreveport Slugs.

If Humberto and his fellow felons in the bleachers at Dodger Stadium think that a playoff rotation of Chad Billingsley, Kershaw and someone from the Kuroda/Wolf/Schmidt grab bag is going to cut it, I say good luck with that. It could happen--no one thought Cole Hamels was ready to be a postseason workhorse last year. I'm just saying that getting Halladay is worth the long-term damage to your system.

The Phillies are supposedly working up a cheaper deal for Cliff Lee, which I think is insane. Why would you give up 80 per cent of the talent you offered for Halladay for an inferior arm? Cliff Lee's a fine pitcher, and he's definitely better than Joe Blanton or Jamie Moyer or Pedro Martinez in terms of giving you a compliment to Hamels come October. But let's get serious here--championships require sacrifice.

Opposite Halladay at Safeco today is Ryan Rowland-Smith, a distant cousin to Malcolm Jamaal-Warner and Mahmoud Abdul-Raouf. If the hyphen doesn't get you the changeup will, so keep your head in and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: June 17 2009

On the day after we discover that Sammy Sosa's stats might not have been on the level, BITD makes the trek to Wrigley anyway. The show must go on.

What are you going to say about Sammy? We all knew it. The saddest part to me was how much of a freak he turned himself into. McGwire was never much of a baseball player to begin with, bulking up did nothing to his game other than add to his already prodigious power. Barry and Canseco maintained some degree of outfield athleticism and baserunning ability after their chemistry experiments.

Sammy, though, that was just pathetic. A guy who once covered a lot of ground in the outfield, who once stole a lot of bases, who once was a complete player...became a sideshow. He had no lateral movement, no quickness, no ability to do anything on the field other than hit home runs. And when that went--poof. Sammy was gone. Sammy could get by OK at the Friendly Confines, but when he was asked to patrol the massive expanse of grass at Coors it was embarrassing, singles quickly becoming triples.

Try to get some good wood on the ball, after the jump...

Chicago White Sox @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Mountain I was listening to the Indians-Brewers game on the XM Radio Monday night, and the Cleveland crew was talking about how this weekend's interleague series between the Tribe and the Cubs was going to be comprised entirely of day games. They were flabbergasted by this notion. You, savvy reader of Baseball In The daytime, would not make such a fool of yourself on a national broadcast. Around here, we know that the Cubs play a lot of day games. We sit in the bleachers, we drink Old Style, we casually fondle strange girls in red tank tops. Whoa, who said that? Bad form, dude. Today look for John Danks to bring the kind for the Chicago Americans, while wily Canadian Ryan Dempster deals for the Nationals.

Los Anaheim @ San Francisco, 1:45 Matt Palmer is your starting pitcher for the perennial AL West champion Angels. Coming into the '09 season, Matt Palmer might have been 36th on the depth chart for such an assignment, but since the Halos have had about 35 starters hit the DL, Matt Palmer's your man. He draws reigning NL Cy Young winner Time Lincecum at Some Telecom Field today, and we don't listen to that. Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: May 13, 2009

This week may have the lightest MLB schedule of any all year, outside April at least. Only four games were played Monday, and six teams have the day off tomorrow. The Oakland Athletics, as a matter of fact, have two off days this week, which is just nuts. Get back to work, you white-shoed sloths.

It's appropriate that our day game schedule debuts in the American League Central, because I'm forming a nebulous opinion that it's the best division in baseball. Not the one with the most good teams, mind you--both Eastern gaggles have more firepower. I just think the AL Central is fascinating in the fact that here, a month and a half into the season, we have no idea how it will shape up.

Will the Indians continue to give up the most runs in baseball? I say no. Will the White Sox keep on getting nothing from the top of the lineup and puny HR totals? Barring a big trade, yes and maybe. Will the Twins sort out their pitching calamities and jumbled outfield? Magic eight-ball says it is likely. And will Detroit fall out of the race and conduct a fire sale the likes of the sport hasn't seen since the late-90s Marlins? Considering the fact that they're starting ex-Marlin Dontrelle Willis today, fellow former Fish Miguel Cabrera makes eleventy billion dollars and the GM (Dave Dombrowski) and manager (Jim Leyland) both matriculated in South Florida, I'd say bet the farm on that shopping bonanza.

The most compelling drama in the division, of course, continues to radiate from Kansas City. Those adorable, scrappy Royals still have their head above water, even after Dayton Moore performed a Ponsonectomy and called up Triple-A superstar Luke Hochevar for last night's game against those lazy A's. The result? Two innings, eight earned for young Luke, who was followed by newly minted long-relief ace Sir Sidney. Whoops! This team has the parts necessary to keep up the fight, they simply need to sustain their effort and get better production from the bottoms of the order and rotation. Oh, and hide Kyle Farnsworth in a closet.

Your schedule, after the jump...

Chicago White Sox @ Cleveland, 10:05 Mountain Jim Thome has spent most of his career on these two clubs, and that's why I'm like fuck the Denver Post. The Mile High City's lone daily used the Manny Ramirez suspension to lower journalistic standards even further last week. The Post ran a graphic underneath the Manny story showing the five most prolific active home-run hitters: Manny, A-Rod, Gary Sheffield, Thome and Ken Griffey. It placed the former three under the banner of "TAINTED," while Thome and Griff were labeled "CLEAN." I am so sick of this bullshit I could punch a cat. Not only is the evidence linking any of these guys to actual steroids suspicious (I'm not naive, I know they're dirty, but come on), but you can't say anyone who played baseball prior to 2004 is "clean." You just can't. maybe Griff and Thome were all natural, but the odds that they never dabbled, not even once, are slim. Too slim to say they are, without a sliver of doubt, "clean."

Mark Buehrle, who has stopped beating his wife, faces off against Cliff Lee, who may or may not have checked into drug rehab, in this battle of crafty lefties. Or so reads the Denver Post.

Atlanta @ NY Mets, 11:10 There's potential for more lefty-on-lefty violence this afternoon at the stadium you the federal taxpayer sponsor, Citi Field. I would have called it U.S. Postal Service Stadium at Sea Level or Mesa Verde National Park Park. But that's just me. Jo-Jo Reyes matches southpaw deliveries with Jonathan Niese, in quite possibly baseball's first Jo-Jo/Jonathan showdown.

Washington @ San Francisco, 1:45 I can not figure out Shairon Martis. I saw him as evidence coming into the season that the Nats would be really awful, because he's like their No. 2 starter and he sucks bad. But here we are--Washington has 10 wins, worst in the game, yet Martis is 4-0. I don't have a calculator in front of me but that's like 38.2 per cent of their total. It just goes to show you, if you don't Shairon, you'd better know somebody. Or something. Barry Zito starts for the Giants and will attempt to squelch Ryan Zimmerman's 30-game hit streak. Play Ball, fellas!
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Baseball in the Daytime: 4-7-09

The second day of this 2009 baseball season only had one contest penciled in on the original docket, but due to a big barrel full of professional-athlete pussies inclement weather, a couple of yesterday's games had to get shoved forward, which I'm guessing means that the teams involved will play on Thursday instead of having an off day. Remember that one time when the NHL cancelled it's New Year's Day game at Ralph Wilson Stadium, 'cause it was too brisk? Or how about the countless times you settled in for a Sunday afternoon of football, only to discover that the games were postponed due to sudden flurries.

Gimme a break. Put on your Under Armor and play ball, already. Today's threesome, however, one click away.

Kansas City @ Chicago, 1:05 Central: Yesterday's scheduled tilt is back on the books, folks, and it promises to be two things: cold, and maybe full of good starting pitching. Gil Meche gets the nod for the Royals; it's Mark Buehrle for the Stockings. Neither of the satellite guides have the game down on their schedule, but if you're in the KC metro area, your tube should have it on FSKC, while your box can bring you the calls via 610 AM.

Tampa Bay @ Boston, 3:05: Yesterday's other "PPD" match has James Shields and Josh Beckett geared to go. You're on your own as to where to find that one.

Milwaukee at San Francisco, 3:05: On the other side of the country, it'll be Jeff Suppan and Tim Lincecum grappling in this battle of non-lefties. Suppan continues to plug along in his career and garner relative success wherever he winds up. He went 10-10 as a Brewer last year; 12-12, and 12-7 the previous two seasons in St. Louis. The home-team Giants know that they have a dynamo in Lincecum, and hope that he'll manage to keep another low E.R.A. this year, like his 2.62 of 2008. XM has this one for ya's. It's on 183.

See there? Easy as pie. Now enjoy. That's an order.
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Lineup Against the Wall: San Francisco's Very-Own G-Men

So the Giants celebrated their 50th anniversary last year. Splendid. I hope it was a great party because their season wasn't worth writing home about, albeit it was about nine games better than the Padres, so they had that goin' for 'em, which was nice. Baseball's NL team by the Bay, just after the jump.

One last time:

1) RF Randy Winn
2) 2B Emmanuel Burriss
3) LF Fred Lewis
4) C Bengie Molina
5) SS Edgar Renteria
6) 3B Pablo Sandoval
7) 1B Travis Ishikawa
8) CF Aaron Rowand

Finally a team in this division that has a little bit of speed. But guess what? They're missing power. Where's that Bonds guy? He could do that every now and again. Yes. I'm hitting the catcher at cleanup, and putting Rowand at the bottom of the order. Mentally switch it if you please. I'm mentally drained.

The rotation:

1) Tim Lincecum
2) Randy Johnson
3) Matt Cain
4) Barry Zito
5) Jonathan Sanchez

Now that's a pitching staff right there. Fifty-six wins, (mostly) respectable earned-run averages, and 901 strikeouts last year. Nine hundred one. Oh, and three lefties. That's awesome.

The bullpen leaves a little bit to be desired. It's not awful. But it's Bob Howry, Jeremy Affeldt, and a ton of youth, followed by Brian Wilson as your closer who managed to drum up 41 saves last year as a Giant, which is really impressive for a not-very-good team a year ago. If my Colorado train jumps track, these Giants could easily leap them and finish in third, but I already made one crazy prediction. A Giants team finishing better than the Rockies and the D'backs is a bit of a stretch.

Put a fork in the West divisions, kids. They done.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 8-21-08

Today's docket seems hand-selected for the House of Georges. We've got a Royals game for Roy F. Almania and Co., a Cubs contest for Cecil and all the bandwagon poseurs, a Rockies game for residents of the Centennial State and finally a Marlins-Giants game for...um...well, for people who like to bet. All that's missing is a Red Sox-Angels game, but we know how those tend to end up. Best to leave it off.

So gather round, kids, with a glass of lemonade and a transistor radio, and take a nice cool sip of Baseball In The Daytime...

Kansas City @ Cleveland, 10:05 Mountain At what was once known as Jacobs Field (or "The Jake" to hipsters round the bend), the Royals visit the Indians this afternoon. Or this morning, if you tilt westward. Cliff Lee attempts to burnish his Cy Young credentials as he shoots for his 18th win against only two defeats, while Zach Grienke tries to run his win total into double digits.

Cincinnati @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 At the Friendly Confines, former Cubbie skipper Dusty Baker brings his duffel bag full of toothpicks and his team bus full of Redlegs to play some baseball. My prediction of a Reds' playoff berth looks pretty foolish right now. Go ahead, take your shots. They're nothing like what Cincy starter Josh Fogg will face in this dangerous Cub lineup, while Carlos Zambrano gets the call for the home nine.

Colorado @ LA Dodgers, 1:10 Jorge de la Rosa wears the purple while Derek Lowe sports the blue in this NL Central West showdown at Dodger Stadium. The Rox have been a little feisty this week, taking two in a row from LA to knock the Dodgers out of first. But Arizona is now scoring runs and winning, so it's probably all in vain. The Blake Street Bombers sit eight back of the D'Bags in the division and are still waiting for someone, anyone, to give them some reliable outs on the mound.

Florida @ San Francisco, 1:45 When I saw the pitching slate listed as Johnson/Palmer, I thought "Sweet!" Randy Johnson versus Jim Palmer, Hall of Famer against Hall of Famer, should be a great game. But then I remembered that it's 2008, not 1989. And then I remembered that Jim Palmer retired long before The Unit even finished his amateur career at USC. And then I remembered that this is the Marlins and Josh Johnson, and these are the Giants and Matt Palmer. And then I went back to work. Good luck, gentlemen, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 8-18-08

It may be easy to forget about baseball, what with the Olympics and preseason football and that wicked case of crabs you caught over the weekend, but it's still here. Yup, for another month and a half, plus playoffs! Now if you think baseball is boring, that may be a bad thing. But if you're an intelligent individual that appreciates the graceful nuance of scratching nuts and spitting, rejoice.

We have a pair of reacharounds on tap, so take a good firm grip and pull...

NY Mets @ Pittsburgh, 10:35 Mountain Back in 1898 the USS Maine sank in Havana Harbor, precipitating the Spanish-American War that made both Teddy Roosevelt and a young private named John McCain famous. Some years later, John Maine was born in Parts Unknown, USA (actually Virginia).

Today Maine (John, not USS) takes the hill against Paul Maholm and the Pittsburgh Pirates. His Mets are aiming for a sweep of this four-game set and their seventh straight win overall. It's no coincidence that their recent hot streak has coincided with Maine's removal from the disabled list. Remember the Maine, To Hell with Spain (and Maholm)!

San Francisco @ Atlanta, 2:30 There are no foreign war entanglements associated with this contest, starting pitchers Barry Zito and Jorge Campill are both pacifists. Zito knows all the words to Afternoon Delight, however, and Campillo is really good at the card game Uno. Today's baseball trivia has been brought to you by Lucky Strikes, now with Flavor Crystals! Light 'em up and Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: 7-24-08

We've got a trio of matches slated for this fine day of late-July baseball. One of today's games feature league leaders, while the other two tend more towards the bottom of their respective divisions. Of the three, two are of the National League variety, while the lone AL contest features a guy looking to keep up with the Mussinas in the double-digits wins category. I'll give you a hint: he hails from Denver, CO and boasts 1200+ strikeouts in his career. That, and he just might be the cat pictured here on the left, but I can't give away any other details. Find out more on this mystery man after the jump.

Phillies @ Los Mets, 11:10: The first on the docket today is a slugfest between the tied-for-first-place-in-the-NL Central clubs that call Philadelphia and New York home. The Phils send lefty Jamie Moyer to the mound, he of the 9-6 record and winner of his last two starts. His opponent will be the also-southpaw Oliver Perez, who currently sits at 6-6. The Mets took yesterday's contest 6-3, likely angering the Phanatic and all baseball fans in Philly. Check 722 for your Philly DirecTV feed, 723 if you root for Los Mets. XM calls the pitches on 189.

Blue Jays @ Orioles, 11:35: Twenty-five minutes later, 11-win Roy Halladay and the Canadian Blue Jays take on Daniel Cabrera and the Baltimore birds. Both of these righties are on the positive side of .500 for their personal records thus far, and both clubs likely don't enjoy their spots at the bottom of the AL East. The Jays are 10 games behind the Rays, while the O's have another half game to whittle away. DirecTV's got the match on 724, and XM will hook you on the 178.

Capitals at Giants, 2:45: Later in the afternoon, it's a war between the coasts, as two more righties square off in the form of San Fran's Matt Cain and Washington's Tim Redding. Both pitchers have their E.R.A.s above four, and will seek to lower them in the Bay Area. Nats feed over on DirecTV is 725; Giants is one digit higher. XM delivers the broadcast 183-style.

That's what's in store for BitD today. Now get out there and gripe about that strike zone!

(Update: It just occurred to me that this post didn't get published before I left the house this morning -- a.k.a. prior to the start of these games -- which certainly had nothing to do with the fact that I was still drunk when I woke up, which renders this post totally useless. Annoying? I'm in agreeance. I blame Al Gore.)
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Baseball In The Daytime: 7-11-08

Well, we made it to Friday, and the existence of this writing means that the Cubs are at home. We'll preview the game after the jump, but I want to first approach a touchy subject concerning these Chicago Nationals:

It is possible for a blogger to jinx a team?

Every time I mention the Cubs' better-than-average chances of winning the World Series, either on this site or in barroom banter, a fan will tell me to zip it. You can't talk about it.

I am in full agreeance that there's a protocol to playing the game, and section of those unwritten bylaws cover the superstition of the jinx. You shouldn't talk to a pitcher throwing a no-hitter. Cubs players should not discuss the Series, or the playoffs, or any future baseball beyond this afternoon's game with the Giants.

Now this business of stepping on the foul lines is a personal matter. I personally try not to, but I'm not obsessive about it. Those freaks that make a big show about leaping over them and muttering voodoo into their mitts--I really don't want those guys housesitting for me.

What, though, is wrong with a broadcaster, or a mainstream writer, or an unlicensed hack such as myself, or a dude in the stands, or a half ass fan at a 7-Eleven discussing the very real possibility that the Chicago Cubs could win it all? Does this really affect their fortunes?

For most teams you'd of course say no. What do curses, history and superstition have to do with the Rays, the Marlins, the Braves or Brewers? But as someone who lived a lifetime following a team that could not win for 86 years and failed painfully many times on the way--I get it. You don't want to bring it up, not necessarily to avoid a jinx but to temper the pain if they fail again.

So you won't see Cecil writing this piece soon, or ever. I, however, unencumbered by the tragic weight of this franchise, can say with ease that there's no reason Chicago can't claim the championship hardware. No reason at all.

Rich Harden definitely helps, but the odds of him staying healthy through October are marginal. Put the razors down, there are plenty of others who can step up. Ryan Dempster and Ted Lilly are solid and capable, and even Jason Marquis is a veteran who might aid in a postseason run.

The bullpen is lights out, best in the game. Even though Carlos Marmol has been shaky lately, I'm worried about Bobby Howry's workload and Kerry Wood is Kerry Wood, it's a strength.

What I love about the lineup is its versatility. Being able to move guys like Fontenot, Theriot and DeRosa around the field and up and down the order is a blessing to Lou Piniella, and Ramirez and Lee seem steady enough to avoid major slumps. The best part about making the World Series, Cubs fans, is the opportunity to play Alfonso Soriano at DH up to four times--your defense just got better!

San Francisco @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Mountain This start might have gone to Sean Gallagher, but the young righty now toils in Oakland as he was the centerpiece of the Harden deal. So instead Marquis gets the nod and tries to match zeroes with Matt Cain. I'd venture that this one gets the full WGN national broadcast, but I'm way, way too lazy to actually look that up. Go nuts. And Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: 6-20-08

Today we have one -- count 'em, one -- sunshine-sparked contest on the diamond...ah-ah-ah. And of course it involves the Cubsters of Chi-town. But wait...this single unit of day baseball is bursting with windy-city glory as, you guessed it, the visitors are Ozzie Guillen's stockings in white. You don't need me to tell you that that's good stuff, folks. We'll examine the game a smidge, along with some other news of the diamond sort, once we (Editor's Note: Please. Use your best Casey Kasem voice for these next four words.) jump, jive...an' wail.


Read Jump Jive An’ Wail lyrics


Alrighty then. Now that that's done...

Sox @ Cubs, 1:20: Really. Call the contest what you will. It's a battle of lefties, the challenge of Chicago, an Illinois scrap of first-placers. Either way, John Danks dukes it out with Ted Lilly in a dual of last names with endless joke possibilities. Danks and the visiting stockings bring a 41-31 lead (4-4/2.90 for the hurler) into Wrigley, while the Baby Bears sit at 45-28, and place Lilly's 7-5/4.76 in front of them. The leaders of both these Central divisions will be eager to gain ground on their second-place foes as each starts a new series today. The Cubs are coming off a three-game skid, but slightly relish in the fact that St. Louis just dropped three in a row as well. The White Sox, on the other hand, have won three straight, but so have the pesky Twins. Currently, St. Louis is three and-a-half games back, while Minnesota must chop one more contest out of the first-place way. Anyway, catch this gem on the WGNs, of course. The DirecTVs will also have it, if you crank that dial to the 722 mark, while 184 can plug you in to it over on W-BALZ the XMs.

In evening games of HoG noteworthiness, the Giants come to KC for a visit, and neither team has Barry Bonds on the payroll. Thank. Christ. We would never've heard the end of that one. The Red Sox travel to Busch Stadium for a rematch of the '04 World Series, and, as has been the gig throughout this inter-league run, one of these kids is doin' his own thing; Los Mets travel to Coors Field for some regular ol' NL baseball.

Elsewhere in the baseball 'spheres, Walkoff Walk has an extensive write-up on the Seattle manager firing. Speaking of firings, here's an interesting dilemna, thanks, Bugs and Cranks. In other Mets news, Cousins of Ron Mexico scared me with this post on The Big Lead. And everyone knows you can't mention New York baseball without talking about the Yankees, so Knuckle Curve reminds us that Derek Jeter is overrated. By a lot.

That's it for today, y'all. Enjoy your weekend of great baseball matchups if you're in the stands. If you're on the diamond, I beg you: Please hustle on the base paths, especially down to first on those infield grounders.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 5-21-08

In the bigs, teams play in one of three kinds of parks. You've got your old classics, your Fenways and Wrigleys, and I include the revitalized yards in LA and Los Anaheim here. You've got your shiny new facilities. And then you've got those dumps that make the fans stay away.

Two day games take place in the majors today. One, at shiny and relatively new Coors Field, features a couple clubs that enjoy acclaimed home stadia. The other, coming at you from the Al Davis Creepatorium, will showcase two teams looking for new digs. After the jump, all the basebally architecture you can handle...

San Francisco @ Colorado, 1:05 Mountain If the Rockies were a dog on a farm, they'd have been taken out back and shot by now. It seems incredible that a team which enjoyed so much success last year is playing out the string before Memorial Day, yet here we are. If I can offer my brainy expert analysis as to why this club is awful, it would be this: they suck at every aspect of the game of baseball. They don't hit, especially in late, close or clutch situations. They don't get anybody out, either with their pitching or their defense. And I'm pretty sure that Clint Hurdle has had a tanning bed installed in the dugout. Today the Dominican Walk Machine, Ubaldo Jimenez, tries to avoid any further embarrassment for this franchise. His doppelganger is Jonathan Sanchez of the Giants, who's dirty.

Tampa @ Oakland, 1:35 This one's a rematch of Super Bowl XXXVII, only with a smaller ball, fewer pads and Frank Thomas playing the role of Warren Sapp. Both the Bay-Rays and the A's sit in second place these days, after briefly inhabiting the top spot of their respective divisions. They were also the only two teams to sport green unis, until Tampa bitched out, ditched the "Devil" and bought some new born-again threads. Today's starters are Dana Eveland and Andy Sonnanstine, a pair that sounds as if they'll be applying for a civil union at the Alameda County Courthouse following the game.
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Baseball In The daytime: 5-8-08

On this Thursday, Major League Baseball's docket of games played sans electric illumination is diverse. There are first place teams and last place teams, good pitchers and bad pitchers, fat kids, skinny kids, even kids with chicken pox.

What I'm saying is, there are a lot of games. Six to be exact. And I don't have a coherent theme to tie them all together. Shit, yesterday I had a pounding headache and a gerbil in my throat and I came up with something...

San Francisco @ Pittsburgh, 10:35 Mountain The Battle For The Honor Of Matt Morris concludes today at the confluence of the Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio Rivers. Morris was a washed-up old hack pulling down an eight-figure salary from the Giants last year when Brian Sabean snookered the Pirates into taking him on. After really, really blowing throughout April, Pittsburgh released him a couple weeks back. Who looks dumber? Find out today, as Matt Cain and Paul Maholm toe the same rubber Morris once did.

San Diego @ Atlanta, 11:00 If funny pitcher names are your thing, it doesn't get much better than Wilfredo Ledezma versus Jo-Jo Reyes. In fact, I'm pretty sure The Wilfredo And Jo-Jo Fun-Time Comedy Revue is the highest-rated television series in Honduras. True story.

Cleveland @ NY Yankees, 11:05 The star of this show is human growth hormone. Numerous Yankees have either fessed up or been named in the Mitchell Report, and today's Indian starter Paul Byrd made a tear-filled confession amidst the Tribe's defeat of the Yanks in last year's ALDS. Mike Mussina, who'll get the ball for the Bombers, may be clean. He does hate black people. I have no idea how he feels about Indians.

Minnesota @ Chicago White Sox, 12:05 At one point early in the history of this nation, Chicago was a remote outpost on the edge of civilization, the northern- and westernmost place a settler could go without being ingested by grizzly bears. Little did anyone know, however, that Swedish Vikings were living it up at the headwaters of the Mississippi river, site of present day Minneapolis. What's any of this have to do with Ozzie Guillen and inflatable fuck dolls? Good question. Kevin Slowey and John Danks start, you decide.

St. Louis @ Colorado, 1:05 The Rockies' feeble defense of their NL pennant continues, and now they're finding pitchers in the Westword personal ads: ISO available swarthy gentlemens, Hi K rates, Lo ERA, drug and disease free. Well, that last part's negotiable. This afternoon's lucky bachelor is Jorge De La Rosa, recently of the Brewers but, let's be honest, he's pitched everywhere. Badly. He'll engage in warfare with Kyle Lohse.

Philadelphia @ Arizona, 1:40 One might call this a Clash Of Aces, but then one might have his frame of reference stuck in 2006. Brandon Webb is indeed the ace of the home D'Bags, and he's the early favorite for the NL Cy Young award. Brett Myers, however, is a shell of his once-dominant self. His velocity is shot and he looks like a marmot. Lucky for him, he's got a woman that don't talk back.

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Baseball In The Daytime: 4-30-07

We're back on the day train today, with a respectable slate of six games on tap barring weather shenanigans. Before we get to the schedule, though, I have a couple of items to go over.

It's Fantasy Baseball Week here at the House, and I'll spend a little time breaking down the season so far, in particular the Ted Williams Frozen Head league that all us HoG farmers participate in. In the past I've given Banky a gentle ribbing in this space over some of his management decisions, and that's made him very, very angry. So Bank gets a pass and I'll instead focus on fellow staffer Cecil. His Fort Meast Blood Badgers are, thus far, the Ted's finest team. In fact, he's playing yours truly this week, and I'll regale you with updates--because there's absolutely nothing more thrilling than hearing about somebody else's fantasy team. I'll also analyze the cellar-dwellers, who've assembled two of the worst clubs I've ever seen.

If you missed the HBO special Bob Costas hosted last night, you should attempt to catch the re-air in the next week or two (I had no luck digging up a YouTube clip). Utterly jaw-dropping. I have to get into it later in the day, because it touches on so many nerves--sports, blogs, talk radio, ESPN, angry old dick journalists, the death of newspapers, privileged athletes, privileged sportswriters, Big Daddy Drew, dudes in their moms' basements typing in their underwear. Stay tuned, and enjoy the day games after the jump...

Chicago White Sox @ Minnesota, 11:10 Mountain These two AL Central rivals renew unpleasantries under the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome today. Nick Blackburn starts for the home team, while the visitors turn to Nick Masset for a spot start, the second of his career. It's hot Nick on Nick action. But it's not Nick at Nite, because it's Baseball In The Daytime.

Pittsburgh @ NY Mets, 11:10 The Florida Marlins have led the NL East for the last few weeks, a mirage all of baseball knew would eventually pass. Today may be the day, as the mighty Mets have pulled to within a half-game of the Fish and face another low-payroll outfit. The Pittsburgh Pirates make one of their last appearances at Shea, led by starting pitcher Tom Gorzelanny. His mound foe? None other than Oliver Perez, the ex-Pirate. Awk-ward.

Cincinnati @ St Louis, 11:15 This game at Busch IV (?) features the afternoon's strongest head-to-head pitching duel, Aaron Harang v. Braden Looper. If you worked in a sandwich shop, however, and either Aaron Harang or Braden Looper called in an order, you'd laugh out loud at those names.

Houston @ Arizona, 1:40 Fuck me, Arizona is good. I did not think their young offense could simultaneously catch fire this year, yet they're leading the world in every hitting stat. I knew their pitching would be good, but not this good. Now they call up this kid Max Scherzer, who looks like an unhittable witch doctor out of the pen. I was wrong, the Diamondbacks are right. Greeley native Shawn Chacon gets the unenviable task of pitching to these freaks today, while Unit does the same to the Astros. I hope the ten-run rule is in effect, it may be needed.

Colorado @ San Francisco, 1:45 Meanwhile, the D'Bags opponent in last year's NLCS is doing a nice job of blowing the entire season before the start of May. Franklin Morales was sent down to Colorado Springs yesterday, while his righthanded compliment Ubaldo Jimenez has one start--today--to save his job in the rotation. Jimenez would most likely already be riding a Triple-A bus if he had any options left, as he's walked virtually every batter he's faced this season. You might think a game against the Giants would be good for what ails ya, but at this point San Fran is a better team than Colorado. Ouch. Dirty Jonathan Sanchez hurls for the Giants.

Atlanta @ Washington, 2:35 No one has seen more of the Nationals' new park than the Braves, who are in the midst of their third trip to DC this month. No one, of course, other than the Nationals themselves. And the contractors that built it. And the pigeons that roost there. Those pigeons will today witness a start by Jair Jurrjens, who came to Atlanta in the Edgar Renteria trade last winter. The Nats go with Shawn Hill, who'll make his second start of the season following a stint on the DL. Keep it clean, boys, and Play Ball! Read more

Baseball In The Daytime: 4-16-08

As we pass the ides of April, the daytime hardball action begins to dwindle. Soon big league clubs will dispense with all the off days and snow delays and settle into the 162-game grind, with most games played at night to maximize revenue and avoid the blazing sun. Oh, we'll get our Tuesday and Thursday getaway tomfoolery, the occasional Monday reacharound, and of course Fridays at Wrigley, but they'll be rare, my friends.

Today gives us a solo shot of game action, featuring possibly the least valuable player in the majors. After the jump get your preview, as well as our running analysis of our shadow, Walkoff Walk's eerily familiar "Such A Fine Looking Afternoon."

Arizona @ San Francisco, 1:45 Mountain Your scorching-hot D'Bags take their best-looking-team-in-baseball schtick to McCovey Cove today for an engagement with the Giants. The Snakes' young lineup continues to absolutely hammer the ball, with even rusty Conor Jackson belting a bomb last night in an 8-2 win over the G-Men. Today Arizona's ace righty Brandon Webb gets the ball, where he'll toe the rubber of San Fran's freakishly tall mound.

Opposing Webb is Barry Zito, he of the $126 million Giant contract, and 11-16 Giant record (with a hefty 4.53 ERA to boot). Is Zito, considering his compensation, the game's LVP? When you look a the other nine-figure deals in baseball, almost all are met with at least comparable production. A-Rod is the best hitter in the game, Jeter is a perennial All-Star, Manny is a Hall of Famer. Todd Helton doesn't earn his pay, but he's the face of a franchise and a beloved captain. Vernon Wells and Carlos Lee are big-time outfielders and run producers. Miguel Cabrera and Johan Santana just signed their deals but look like sound investments.

The only guys you can compare Zito to are Mike Hampton and Jason Giambi. Both signed $120-million-ish contracts that expire this season. Giambi has been a brittle, defenseless schlub of a Yankee, has never won a title in pinstripes (though that's clearly all A-Rod's fault), but he hits an occasional clutch jack. Hampton has matriculated on to several different teams and can not stay healthy at all. So I guess your typical Zito outing is better than your typical Hampton start, which is a Triple-A pitcher filling in for him while Mike eats Cheetos. Way to go, Barry. You're only the second biggest waste of an eighth of a billion dollars out there.

Walkoff Walk Watch WoW is a solid baseball blog, run by longtime Deadspinners Rob Iracane and Camp Tiger Claw. They publish a number of regular features with wit and wisdom, including the sublimely excellent Corey Patterson Watch. Now I certainly don't want to sling monkey shit at the one and only man who could grant me a Deadspin commenter's account, but it has to be said: Walkoff Walk are some idea-snatchin' motherfuckers. Their new feature, Such A Fine Looking Afternoon, is a blatant heist of Baseball In The Daytime.

So we will, from time to time, assess the performance of these pilfering bastards. After all, who would have a better idea of how skilled a thief is than the victim of the crime? I know, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Today's SAFLA is...not there as of press time. So I guess that'll be an F. The day baseball beat is a tough one, boys. Occasionally you have to wake up at ten. I do have a promise of an Iracane live-blog for the AZ-SF game, so we'll keep an eye out. As dedicated as I am to the national pastime, I'm nowhere near committed enough to sit through an entire Giants game, much less crack wise about it. Good luck, gents, now let's Play Ball!
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