Sleeping with the Enemy: Week 11, Chiefs @ Chargers

Welcome in boys and girls, to another episode of "Sleeping with the Enemy." I've mentioned before that I've had some occasional difficulty getting Chargers fans to commit to participating in this feature, but on this go-around, we're thankful to have Loren S Casuto from Bolt Talk join us.

Looking forward to installment two of Chiefs/Chargers this Sunday at Qualcomm Stadium, we stoked the fire and and stirred the gravy regarding the current state of affairs in the AFC West, and we'd love it if you too, would join us, just after the jump.

Bankmeister: For starters, tell us a bit about your affiliation with the Chargers. Lifelong fan? Transplant? Bandwagon? What are your top three Bolt memories?

Loren S Casuto: I was born and raised in San Diego, so rooting for the Chargers was natural. I've been a fan since I was about 6 (1990), so I am one of the younger fans on Bolttalk and amongst the Charger population. That means my memories are more recent and I can't claim to have seen the great Air Coryell teams. With that said:

1. Dennis Gibson knocking down the pass to take us to the Super Bowl (standard for any Charger fan).

2. The 2007 Titans playoff game (first playoff game we'd won since 1995 -- basically I went from 13 to 24 in age without seeing a playoff win. Irritating isn't it?

3. The Draft trade that brought Philip Rivers to San Diego for Eli Manning (a bit more unique because I'm a draft nut and was there for the entire drama).



B: Those're pretty good ones. For what it's worth, I've gone from age 20-35 without one.

I’ve said for several years now that the AFC West has evolved into something of a shell of its former self. That is, none of the four clubs were ever a sure win against one another. For the longest time, Kansas City and Denver were big rivals, Oakland and Kansas City were big rivals, and Oakland and Denver were big rivals while San Diego seemed to sort of be the odd man out. Have you noticed any particular changes in the division? Which two teams would you say are the biggest rivals today?

LSC: Primarily I've noted over the last few years that there really hasn't been a division race; it's just been San Diego. I say that not to sound like a homer but since about 2006 we really haven't had much competition in the AFC West for division leadership. I'm sure someone is thinking 2008 but most Charger fans and media believe that the Chargers almost lost it more than Denver came to winning it. If we didn't take most of that year off and had a few things go our way, we would've won that division easily. But for the latter half of the decade we've been the class of the division, and while I think KC is at least making progress in the right direction, you guys are a few years away from competing. Denver, I don't know what they're doing and Oakland is chasing its tail (to be polite). So for the last few years and a few more years to come, I think the Chargers will remain the class of the division.

B: I suppose they don't say "Stay Classy, San Diego" for nothing.



LSC: I think of the three AFC West teams, Denver and Oakland are our biggest rivals. Oakland and us, it's been that way since the AFL and that won't change. Not to mention since we're in the same state with a big population of Raider fans two hours north of us, we come into contact regularly (whether we want it or not). Denver it's been because they've been the closest rival for the last part of the decade and because we keep getting into conflict with each other. In 2007 it was Jay Cutler's and Brandon Marshall's mouthing off on Monday night. In 2008 it was Ed Hochuli and the last game of the year. And now it's Josh McDaniels and his fifth-grade mentality. The Broncos and we keep getting into fights. I think most Charger fans prefer facing the Chiefs because 1) You're not insane like the last two fan bases, if anything you guys are by and large a good group and 2) We usually have good games without controversy or other idiocy.

B: Wow. That was a mouthful I couldn't have said better myself.

There are a number of rumors and speculations regarding the Chargers that I’d like to address. Let’s start at the top and work our way down. Comment as you see fit, and keep in mind that these are not necessarily my opinions, but rather fodder for the masses.

A.J. Smith is an asshole, and firing Marty Schottenheimer was a mistake and done in an unprofessional fashion.

LSC: With Marty and, especially in 2006, superior teams we couldn't win in the playoffs. He did it in 2004 and 2006 and couldn't get us over the hump in 2002 and 2005. AJ might have an ego and be a controlling guy, but he's been the reason we went from being a laughing stock to a Super Bowl contender every year. Marty had an equally as big ego and was equally as controlling (why am I reminding Chiefs fans of this?) and tried to force the owner to bring in his brother Kurt to be our new defensive coordinator. That's unacceptable. And furthermore AJ Smith can at least point to having built this team into the dominant one it has been since 2004. Marty hasn't been given a head coaching job since, any idea why?

B: No. None, really. I'm curious if he's been contacted, though.

Next question: Norv Turner is an incompetent NFL coach. He’s constantly on the brink of getting canned, and is responsible for the quote/unquote descent of this team.

LSC: Scoreboard. Since Turner has taken over he's not only gotten us into the playoffs every year he's been in charge but we've won a playoff game each time. Something Schottenheimer couldn't do. His early starts are infuriating and yeah the last three years he has come close to being fired by the midpoint. However if we continue the way we've been playing, we will win the AFC West for the third time (something that hasn't been done since Air Coryell) and ideally win another playoff game. So he's done what he was brought in to do. We can't argue with the results.

B: Well played. The defense, be it via injuries or not, is not nearly as feared as it was in earlier parts of the decade, and the decline of the play of Shawne Merriman is somewhat related to his cessation of PED consumption.

LSC: It depends on the area. Compared to earlier in the decade we are definitely not as good in run stopping (which was our bread and butter going back to the mid 90s). I'd say we are a little worse as well in pass rush from 2006 when Merriman and Philips had career years, though we blitz more effectively from different spots then just outside linebacker and are far better then we were early in the decade. Pass coverage I'd say we are alot better then in years past, ditto with ability to cause turn overs. So it's touch and go depending on the area. And regarding Merriman, I'd remind you that he had to have two knee ligaments repaired and reattached to his leg, an injury that takes a year to recover from and a year to get back to 100 percent. Find me someone who came back fully and quickly from that injury and I'll show you someone who is taking PEDs. Merriman is making good progress at a good rate. Not to mention he does have some sacks against the Chiefs.

B: Ouch. Okay...Philip Rivers is a punk and a boast. He, with the assistance of his teammates, claims that he never instigates smack talk, and absolutely never uses profanity.

LSC: He doesn't use profanity for one. It is astonishing for such a competitor but for the life of me, I can't find one instance (and neither can other Bolttalk members) of him actually cursing people out. Sure he talks but you can smack talk without using profanity. As far as being a "punk" I believe the person your looking for is one Jay Cutler. Rivers' reputation as a talker started when ESPN showed a few seconds of video of him, Shaun Philips and Matt Wilhelm talking back to Jay Cutler. What no one bothers or cares to report is that Cutler (by all accounts) was talking smack to the Chargers all game long. In fact in every game he's been in Cutler has constantly talked crap (including cursing) to the Chargers but he gets off looking like an angel while Rivers gets criticized. The other case is during a playoff game where he's talking back to fans. While I won't defend Rivers' action, which he later apologized for, let's not pretend that fans are completely blameless in mouthing off to players. They all do it, fans and players. It's not absolving Rivers of blame but it is at least noting that neither side was blameless. Nevertheless Rivers gets fired up and talks during games, something every quarterback does (including Matt Cassel). So let's not pretend that Rivers is that horrible for flapping his gums.

B: Okay. Sensitive subject perhaps. Moving on: The notion that an NFL running back’s career is proving true again with LaDainian Tomlinson, and Darren Sproles, due to his stature, can never be an every-down back.

LSC: I think LT has definitely lost a step. He's not as good as he was in the prime of his career, as is the case with all athletes. I still think he's one of (if not the) best running backs of the decade and that he can still run the ball very effectively. And I think he's still better then alot of teams' running backs (e.g. New England, Indy, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Cincinnati, Green Bay, Tampa Bay, and possibly San Francisco). Who'd you rather have running the ball? Jamaal Charles or LT? Or Larry Johnson vs LT? Nuff said. He's definitely approaching the end of his illustrative career but he's not ready for retirement just yet. Regarding Sproles I happen to agree. I think he's a wildly talented scatback, returner and third-down running back, but yeah because of his size he isn't capable of carrying the rock 25 times a game regularly. Though some Charger fans would disagree I think its a consensus view on Sproles.

B: In your view, how does the Chargers fan base compare to those of other teams around the league? They’ve been accused of being less intense and passionate about their teams, but then of course there are YouTube clips of fans brawling with other fans in the cheap seats. Would you say a team’s identity or a team’s geography dictates more of the crowd’s personality on game day.

LSC: I think Charger fans can match up for passion, knowledge and intensity with any team's fans anywhere. Most people think Southern Californians are laid back and therefore Charger fans lack passion. While I think we are a pretty relaxed fan base, there are fans who have been with this team since its founding, who saw the old AFL Chargers, and people from all ages all who love their team. We can be fired up as a base but also still be mellow and friendly to opposing teams fans and to each other -- it isn't a requirement to be obscene or insane to be die hard. I don't know what videos you saw



and I won't defend Charger fans who fight with other fans. My only statement is that every team has fans that take it too far or are just punks, the only question is what percentage of those fans are said punks. So I don't see it as a Charger problem as much as its every team's problem.

B: Fair enough. If there’s one thing I can say about this team, it’s simply that the notion of the slow start, then pick up steam and win the division, is an odd one. Why do you suppose this pattern has emerged of late?

LSC: Maybe it's Norv Turner or maybe the team gets its act together later then most teams or maybe it's something in the gatorade. If I knew the answer to this I'd be a rich man. No one has any idea why this is happening but the prevailing opinion is that its Norv Turner's coaching and until I see proof otherwise, that's what I'm going with.

B: I heard a Chargers beat writer say on the radio earlier in the week that he thinks that Philip Rivers will go into the history books with the same level of integrity, numbers, and sheer legend, as Brett Favre. He also predicted that Rivers will win at least one Super Bowl. Are these assumptions on target?

LSC: For now, yeah I'd say so. There's alot of time to go for sure but Rivers is a winner and a leader for a team that hasn't had one of those in a long time. He plays well, he's selfless in how the team decides to win (e.g. he can throw for 400+ yards and carry the team or, like over the last two weeks, he can throw 20 times and let LT run the show), he doesn't have an ego, he's spotless character wise and he's gutsy. He made an instant fan out of everyone when he went out in the 2007 AFC Championship game on one leg and almost led the team to victory. And his record as a Charger starter is ridiculous (33-15, '06-'08). He's basically what every team wants in a QB and has become the leader and the face of the franchise as LT winds down his marvelous career. While it remains to be seen if he can match Favre's iron man streak or his winning in the Super Bowl or his career, Philip Rivers is definitely on the right track.

B: Here’s an exercise I did earlier in the season with a Dallas fan regarding his take on NFC East teams: Give us a summary – be it a phrase or an entire paragraph – of your feelings during the week, and leading up to games against

the Denver Broncos:

LSC: Self-absorbed Punks. They haven't won jack in years, yet they strut around like they own the division. Doesn't matter if it's Jay Cutler or Josh McDaniels. If anything, Charger fans get more irritated by the Broncos than almost any team in the league.

B: the Kansas City Chiefs:

LSC: Good Rivalry and opponent. I don't have too many bad things to say about the Chiefs because by and large we don't have bad experiences with your fans or team. We do need to do some sort of cultural exchange at tailgates though, by which I mean a trade of carne asada tacos for bbq ribs.

B: the Oakland Raiders:

LSC: Pathetic Clowns. I don't like the Raiders. It's personal for me and most Charger fans, but after winning as many in a row as we have (15) and with the Raiders continuing to get worse, I think most Charger fans don't care about the Raiders.

B: Interesting. Have you paid much attention to the Chiefs in recent weeks, months, or years? Things have been pretty bleak for the franchise for some time, but the win against Pittsburgh was pretty big. Can this club return to contention in the immediate future, or are they going about it all wrong?

LSC: I've heard a few things about them here and there, primarily they are rebuilding. I think you guys need to decide exactly what kind of team you want to be and build to that. Are you going to be a 4-3 (Glenn Dorsey) or a 3-4 (Tyson Jackson)? Are you going to be a young team (Jamaal Charles, Matt Cassel, Tamba Hali) or a veteran-built team (Mike Vrabel, Mike Brown, Jon McGraw)? And ironically enough I think by beating the Steelers you sealed your fate against us. I think it was a hell of a win against a team that pounded us, but I think your only real chance was if we took you all lightly.

B: Finally, let’s have a score prediction for Sunday’s game.

LSC: By beating the Steelers, we will be focused on you guys and I don't think you can beat us. I think we will win 31-7

B: Hmmm. I'm gonna disagree with that pick, in that the score is too similar to our previous meeting (37-7). At the same time, I'm not going to make a prediction on the outcome because I really felt that we could hang with you all last time, and obviously we just got smoked. More importantly, though: Many thanks to you and your time. Let's do this again next year.
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Sleeping with the Enemy: Week Ten, Steelers @ Chiefs

Greetings and welcome back in for another installment of "Sleeping with the Enemy," where we wax pigskin of a fan of the opposing team.

Today's special guest is none other than Haliwood, who's a long-time friend, a Canadian, and, yes, he thumped me soundly in fantasy football in week two of this season. Given my fantasy track record, though, that ain't sayin' much.

Either way, our chat proved interesting in that 'Wood happens to have a special place in his heart for both clubs squaring off this weekend. See who gets the edge in his book, after the jump.

Bankmeister: For starters, give us your football-fan background. Am I correct in assuming that your both a Steelers and a Chiefs fan? Tell us how this came to be.

Haliwood: Born in Pittsburgh during the Steel Curtain days. We moved away earlier than I remember, and moved often, but no matter where we were it was always a Steeler household. I moved to KC at the start of high school where I played h.s. football and entered into my formidable drinking years...a Chiefs fan was the next obvious step.

B: I see. Can you give us, then, your three favorite Chiefs and three favorite Steelers memories?

H: All of my fondest Chiefs memories are of the pregame tailgating. I've still yet to attend a sporting event that smells so damn good before the game. Getting drunk on beer, BBQ and bloody mary's probably explains why I don't have many memories after kickoff. I sure loved watching DT play. Hungryman pot pies, pinky casts and “...so good you can eat it on ice cream”. As for the Steelers, two of the three would be the last two Super Bowl victories in the last three years. The third I'll reserve for learning to swear at the TV with pops.

B: That's good stuff. Let's talk Pittsburgh for a minute. It's well accepted that Bill Cowher was one of the better coaches in the NFL leading up to his retirement. How do you think Mike Tomlin compares so far? I like to say that he's the best black coach (or bloach as we say here in the House) the league has ever seen. Will Cowher return?

H: First thing I'd like to say about Cower is how happy I was when he was chosen to succeed Chuck Noll. I was definitely a fan of his as the Chiefs D coordinator. Fast forward to the bloach...I'm not sure if I could say anything more that you've probably heard a thousand times as broadcasters' talking points. About what a no-nonsense, stand up kind of character he is, a regular player's coach. In short, a guy who fits perfectly with the values of the Pittsburgh Steeler organization. Best black coach? Perhaps. I guess I've never thought about that sub-category as a group, but even then there's some quality acts there. I'm psyched to have Tomlin as the head coach even though I can't say I knew anything about him before he landed the job. I think those Rooneys know a thing or two about what they're doing. Cowher back as a head coach? I'd personally bet on it, though I'm not looking forward to having that jaw pointing at me from the other side of the field.

B: What about Big Ben? When he's not raping girls, and he's out there on the field, how does he compare to his NFL quarterback counterparts? Top 10? Top five? What do you think are his strengths and weaknesses.

H: I love Big Ben. Like most of the players/coaches on this team he just feels like he belongs. Ben's play isn't the most precise or fancy, it's got the grit of the Steel City. Cheesy, sure, but you know what I mean. His ability to improvise, extend the play, or stand tall when all around him is collapsing is fun to watch. It is easily his biggest strength and weakness. Top five quarterback currently playing in the NFL, easily. Not necessarily top five fantasy QB, but much better this year as he's taken command of this offense.

B: Eh. Fantasy. The Pittsburgh running game has been a dominant force for years now. It looked, for a minute, like Fast Willie Parker would follow right in Jerome Bettis' steps and just dominate run defenses. But he's continuing to prove that he can't stay healthy. Has this year suggested that Rashard Mendenhall is now the number-one guy, or does the job continue to go back to a healthy Parker. How about Mewelde Moore? He's a pretty solid back as well. Without looking at numbers, is he a better rock-toter than his days in Minnesota?

H: The running game is a result of the Steelers' commitment to hard-nose football. That has always been the case whether or not they've got a pro bowler in the backfield. I definitely miss having a bruiser like The Bus back there, but Fast Willie Parker has been fun to watch...one helluva fast mutha. As for FWP's future, honestly, I think he's probably done being the feature back. I thank him for his efforts and his contributions in the last two Super Bowl victories and hope he continues to have success. I just personally feel that a feature back can only last a few dominating years in today's NFL. I'd certainly still support him as RB1 if Rashard was out. So what do I think of Mendenhall? I dig him. I see great promise, but above all, I trust Tomlin. Mewelde's a stud backup. That's it in a nutshell and something I felt even when he was back in Minny. True, he's got a deserved spot in as a 3rd down back for both his catching and blocking skills. Mostly, I'm just glad to have him there to fill in if needed. Just like Charlie Batch...he's a stud backup too.



B: The receiving corps has also been pretty strong, dating even back to the Plaxico Burress days. Between Hines Ward, Santonio Holmes, Limas Sweed, and Heath Miller, it makes defensive game-planning tough, considering the tight running game. Are the Steelers one of the premiere passing teams in the league, or are they a touch overrated?

H: I wouldn't classify them as either. They get the job done, and it all starts with Hines Ward. “Cheapest player in football”? Give me a break. A fucking baller is what he is. And it's been neat to see how he influences the young guys. He dared Santonio to be great for the last SB, and boy was he great. I really like Heath Miller and wouldn't trade him for any other TE in the league. Mike Wallace deserves some props here too. The biggest story this year for me is, as I said earlier, Ben's command of the offense and especially the passing game. I was sad to see Ken Whisenhunt go (kinda thought he deserved the head coaching job at the time), but think that Ben and Arians have developed a great rapport.


B: Wow. Ride that Hines train. Anyway...the Steelers have long been associated with ferocious defense. What makes it so that this club can field a crew of frustrations for offenses year in and year out? Scouting? Defensive coordination?

H: Dick LeBeau and the Steeler's heritage. Again, hard-nosed, blue-collar football. Simple as that. I love all the defensive starters, the ones they've lost and the ones that are ready to fill in.

B: What about Jeff Reed? He's got to be the most famously idiotic kicker in NFL history. Have you kept up with all of his shenanigans?



H: Oh ya, he's a great drunk. At least he can make the odd FG in Heinz Field in the wind and snow.

B: What about the Chiefs? Your thoughts on the new regime...Were Pioli and Haley good hires? What about the Matt Cassel signing? Is this guy gonna pan out? Will he prove he's worth $63 million? And Larry Johnson? Got an opinion on his departure?

H: Ya know, I can't say. I think there are all those questions and more that could go either way. And that's probably more disconcerting than anything. I've never had to bear with a team undergoing such a regime change. LJ is an easy one... move on and good luck with that. No ill will, really, I'd just rather move on. Freaking hilarious that he was dropped before he could break Holmes' record... I'm still laughing about that one. Even in his prime, I'd rather have LJ on my fantasy team than in my football organization. I'd like to believe Cassel is the real deal but he's gonna need a lot more support. Haley's cool but he's still got a lot to prove and Pioli I don't know jack shit about.

B: I see. How many more contests, if any, will the Chiefs win this season? And next?

H: Two more victories this year...the Browns and one of the Broncos matchups (that's right Donkey fans, suck it). Maybe they can beat the Bills, too. Next year they double this year's victories...I do think it's an team that has nowhere to go but up.

B: Finally, the game: Will the Chiefs be embarrassed like they were after the Passion Party? Gotta score prediction? Who do you root for in such meetings?

H: As I said before, it's always been a Steeler household no matter where I've lived, so they come first. That doesn't mean I won't have a proper KC-style BBQ for the event. Sorry to say, but I feel bad for the Chiefs this weekend. The Steelers have some things to work out after dropping their second to Cincy last week and might take it out on KC. Steelers win 28-3...great googly moogly.

B: Nice Zappa quote, there. I'm leaning toward heavy agreeance with you on the score. My modification to it: Pittsburgh 26, Kansas City 9.

Here's to a good game. Thanks for dropping by the House.
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Sleeping with the Enemy: Week Nine, Chiefs @ Raiders

Been away from this feature for a minute. Had the bye-week blues a couple of weeks ago, and my Jaguars contact blew me off last week, so please forgive me. Sleeping with the Enemy is back, however, just in time for Raider Week, the sequel. This week we sat down with none other than Elwyn Grimes, Jr., who dons the Silver and Black on Sundays.

There was a time when we battled one another in the same fantasy league and talked smack on the message board. Now we do the same on Facebook, and hate each other's teams just as much as ever.

Our conversation, a mere click away.

Bankmeister: Let's get the Hot time, summer in the city. Back o' my neck gettin' dirty and gritty outta the way first. Are you from the Oaktown?

Elwyn Grimes, Jr.: Nope. Born and raised in Kansas City.

B: I see. So the obvious question then, is, how'd you become a Raiders fan?

E.G.: I'd have to say it was the first football game I remember watching, which would've been XV.

B: Raiders/Eagles? Heh. That was my first game, too.

E.G.: Yeah. And I've been hooked ever since. There was a time, though, when I would cheer for both the Chiefs and the Raiders--

B: Root for two squads in the same division? Unpossible!

E.G.: It seemed like everyone in Kansas City felt compelled to tell me that I couldn't be a Raiders fan. That and the, uh, oh, what was that Lin Elliot game where they had home field throughout?

B: Ah. Well, there were three occasions in which they've been 13-3 with a first-round bye, home-field advantage throughout the playoffs and gone home after one contest. The Lin Elliot year would be 1995, a 10-7 loss to the Colts.

E.G.: That's the one.

B: The other came in 1997 when the Broncos and Chiefs played each other for the only time in playoff history, and Denver knocked us off 14-10. Granted, they got some road cookin' goin' on in the form of a nullified Tony Gonzalez touchdown catch, but it wouldn't be a Broncos game without that kinda grease on the gears.

It happened again in 2003 when the Colts won again at Arrowhead in a puntless shootout. But what're some of your other sports teams?

E.G.: As far as baseball, I'm a Royals fan first, BoSox second. I like KU basketball and KU and Miami for college football.

B: Miami? For reals?

E.G.: Yeah. I think it was that 1984 Orange Bowl



when they beat Nebraska that sealed the deal for me.

B: So pick your poison: college or pro ball.

E.G.: Well, I liked the pros better than college for the longest time. Now it's kinda swung back in the other direction. I dunno if it's because the Raiders have been so bad for a decade or what. It's tough, though. They had so many good players back than. And both clubs did in that Super Bowl: Mike Quick, Harold Carmichael, Jim Plunkett, Wilbur Montgomery, Cliff Branch.

B: What about your hatred for Notre Dame? Are you one of these guys that hates them because of the television contract?

E.G.: I suppose the TV stuff has fueled my hatred for them, but before that it was games like the one in which they beat Miami on the last-second failed two-point conversion in South Bend. There was a fight in the tunnel before the game. It was especially tough because Miami had crushed 'em 45-10 the previous year. That was the game where they had the Catholics vs. Convicts t-shirts.



But also, I never liked Lou Holtz. He irritates me.

B: Why? How can you hate Lou?

E.G.: Probably just because of his Notre Dame affiliation. If he'd never been there, been somewhere else, I'd probably like him.

But there was also the '88 national title, the time they beat Tennessee on a last-second touchdown in like '91 or '92. I just don't like 'em.

B: Fair enough. Getting back to the NFL, though, what're your top three Raider memories?

E.G.: Well, the Super Bowl against the Redskins for sure. In 1983. Jack Squirek had an interception before halftime and ran it in. There was a Tyrone Wheatley touchdown in Kansas City, which happened to be the first Raiders/Chiefs game I attended. We actually won that one. It had to've been around 2000, I think. And then the other is from that same Super Bowl: the Marcus Allen 79-yard touchdown run.

B: Okay. Since a lot of your Raiders talk is Super Bowl-related, let's talk about the Pirate Bowl, the Raiders/Bucs matchup of 2002.

E.G.: Ugh. When the playoffs started that was the one team I didn't want the Raiders to face. I thought Tampa was the one squad that could give the Raiders trouble. It was a hunch that proved right; I stopped watching about halfway through the fourth quarter.

B: That was really a bizarre matchup. I'm sure you remember that it was, of course, a way for Jon Gruden to spit in Al Davis' face. What was the craziest thing, though, was all of that footage in the off week of him taking snaps under center and mirroring Rich Gannon's tendencies for his defensive unit.

E.G.: Yeah. He was a well-prepared coach. I absolutely loved Jon Gruden.

B: Things really seemed to go downhill for Oakland after that. What do you think happened?

E.G.: Well, there are, I think, three things that you can identify that've lead to the Raiders demise. One is letting go of Gruden. Two is Gannon's neck injury that pretty much ended his career. And the third is the Tuck Rule.

B: 'Scuse me?

E.G.: Well, if that doesn't happen--

B: Wait. We're talking Oakland/New England in the snow in Foxboro. Tom Brady, right?

E.G.: Exactly. I think if that play doesn't happen, the Raiders go to the Super Bowl, probably win it, and have success beyond that season. I truly, truly believe that.

B: Why?

E.G.: Well, I think if it doesn't happen, then Al Davis doesn't feel desperate after. He remains capable of making rational decisions.

B: Huh. Fascinating. Since you brought that up, I was listening to the SportsTalk Radios today, and someone made the comment that they often wondered if Al Davis was intentionally running his franchise into the ground. They said that his business simply isn't good for the NFL, and they wondered if the league would ever step in and assume control of the franchise to better the league's image.

E.G.: Well, that's probably just wishful thinking. I think Al Davis still thinks he's doing what's best for the organization.

B: Okay. What were your thoughts on the Lane Kiffin regime?

E.G.: I thought it was a strange hire. He was good at developing quarterbacks, but I would never take a college offensive coordinator in and make him a head coach at the pro level. If you're groomin' him it's one thing, but NCAA O.C. to NFL H.C. is a Quantam Leap. That's why it was a strange hire, but it was a good hire in contrast to the second coming of Art Shell, who hired a defensive coordinator that'd been running a bed and breakfast.

B: That ain't no lie. What about firing Kiffin, though? Naturally, the argument there is that he wasn't given nearly enough time to prove he wasn't cut out for the job.

E.G.: I think that was Al Davis' paranoia more than anything else.

B: Did you watch that press conference?

E.G.: No. I saw part of it. I just remember a whole lot of "he wasn't who I thought I'd hired."

B: The next time you have a minute, you've got to watch the whole thing. Al Davis is a fascinating creature.



(Editor's Note: Also available in parts I, II, III, VI, and V)
E.G.: He is. I remember hearing that, 10 minutes before the Tom Cable hiring, Davis leaned over to an assistant and pointed to Cable's name in the media guide and said, "Who's this guy again?"

B: Wow. That's amazing.

E.G.: What's even worse was when Cable was the interim coach. Davis didn't like what certain reporters were writing so he started banning them from the press box. Eventually the NFL stepped in and, basically, they were like, "Dude -- you cannot ban people from the press box."

B: Well, all of that behavior sort of certifies the ongoing claim that the man is senile. There's even the latest claim from the organization against ESPN, that it has continued to paint the Raiders in a negative light.

E.G.: Yeah. That's just Al Davis spilling into the media.

B: The stories really go on. You have post-retirement Warren Sapp saying that Davis would call down to the field and allegedly say "We're going deep on this next one."

E.G.: I tend to believe it. He's got his hands in every part of what happens out there. He's a hard guy to figure out. He wants to be seen as a maverick.

B: Well, and he was. Thirty years ago.

E.G.: Exactly, but now, I mean...there's a time to pick your battles. There comes a time when you have to realize that maybe doing things your way isn't the best way, but he refuses to do any differently. I liked Warren Sapp when he was happy, but how many Raiders players stay happy? I remember him saying after he retired: "Whatever you do, you do not want to go play for Oakland."

B: Was Gruden the best coach you've seen in your lifetime?

E.G.: (pauses) No. Well...I still have to give the nod to Tom Flores and his two Super Bowl wins.

B: How much Monday Night Football have you watched in the last 10 years?

E.G.: A lot. Probably 85-90 percent of the games.

B: Tell me about Gruden in the booth. I feel like for a long time the MNF duo was solid, and then they changed it up and it's been pretty shitty. I think Gruden's awesome, but I've also heard some gripes.

E.G.: I think he's really good and most people I talk to agree. I hated Cornheiser. Theismann was alright. I mean, he was better than Dennis Miller, and I liked their attempt with Miller.

B: Speaking of changes, somebody once told me: "You can change your religion, your spouse, and your sex, but you can never, ever change your team." Agree or disagree?

E.G.: I can't imagine ever not being a Raiders fan. I mean, it'd be a lot easier to be a Steelers fan right now. But I'd never be a Pats fan.

B: Why not?

E.G.: Pats fans are arrogant. Fan bases like theirs have such a sense of entitlement, like everything's ours to lose.

B: What about some of the characters that have been on your team's roster in recent years? Guys like Javon Walker.

E.G.: It used to be that misfits and miscasts were brought together as a team, but that doesn't work anymore.

B: I would look no further than this year's Washington Redskins.

E.G.: Yeah. They just don't mesh well. Guys like Walker, DeAngelo Hall -- who they cut after eight games -- Gibril Wilson, Tommy Kelly.

B: What about the Richard Seymour signing?

E.G.: For a second I thought he could bring a different attitude, be a unifying force, but the culture of that locker room is so fractured that not even a Pro Bowl/Super Bowl resume can bind things together.

B: This is all leading us in the direction of your leader, your key figure.

E.G.: Oh. I feel a headache coming on...

B: JaMarcus Russell. It's quite possible that he could finish the season with the worst completion percentage in NFL history.

E.G.: That's probably pretty accurate.

B: What went wrong there? Has he hit his ceiling? Is he a product of his environment? Just plain simply a bad pick?

E.G.: He was a one-year starter at LSU. He put up incredible numbers and has an awesome arm. But I think he's incapable of reading a defense. It's the same thing as with Ryan Leaf. Maybe worse than Ryan Leaf. God, is that even possible? Yes. It is. He's clearly that bad.

I just don't think he has the tools to be an NFL quarterback. He's awful. Awful.

B: I don't get to see a lot of Raiders games, but I caught the one against Denver, and the first contest against the Chiefs. He looked outright terrible. Throwing five yards behind guys, hitting the ground...Do you get to see many games?

E.G.: Not a lot. I listen to the radio via the Web, and catch what I can on TV and Sportscenter.

B: How is it that he was that good in college, but this bad in the pros?

E.G.: I have no idea. I mean, it's the same thing as Robert Gallery.

B: Wait a minute. Gallery's played decent.

E.G.: Yeah. As a right guard. But they brought him in as a left tackle and that's the same mistake they made with Russell: They looked at nothing more than one year of film and made their decision on that, but that's the rudderless ship that is the Oakland Raiders.

B: Do you take a lot of grief in KC as a Raiders fan?

E.G.: I catch all sorts of hell, but mostly in good fun. I tend to give as good as I get.

B: Have you had any negative experiences at Arrowhead? Do you go out their and represent the Silver and Black?

E.G.: I've been to three or four games in my Raiders gear. Nothing real, real bad has happened for the most part.

B: What about home games? You ever been to one in Oakland? Is it as bad as the rumours suggest?

E.G.: That's something I really wanna do is go to a game at the Black Hole.

B: What've you heard from those who have? I've heard stories from fans about security suggesting late-fourth-quarter escorts to visiting fans. Trent Green has said that that's the one stadium in the league where his family was not allowed to sit in non-box seats.

E.G.: I've heard 'em all. I've heard those stories and others where people have gone and had no problem. I think some of it gets blown out of proportion.

B: Let's talk division hatred. Who do you despise the most?

E.G.: Well, the Chiefs are on top, far and away. When you live in KC, you hear Chiefs fans all the time, and over the last 15 years, the Chiefs have really had the Raiders' number, so I hate them the most. Then the Broncos, then the Chargers.

B: Really? Even with things as they are right now? Chargers are last?

E.G.: The Chargers pop up every five years. They're there. Then they're gone. They're just there. When LaDainian Tomlinson's gone, they'll fall off even more.

B: I think you could make the argument that he's gone already, but whatever. What're your thoughts on Denver?

E.G.: Who's their owner? Pat Bowlen? I think he's one of the better owners in the league, so I can't fault them there. I certainly hated John Elway and Shannon Sharpe and Bill Romanowski (when he was there). And Shanahan, too. He had the Raiders' number.



B: You ever hear about the bit in Shanahan's book where he claims that Al Davis still owes him like $300 grand, and that Shanahan wants Davis to donate it to the Oakland public schools or something?

E.G.: No. I haven't heard that, but it wouldn't be a terrible stretch of the imagination for Al Davis to still owe him some money.

B: How does this division shake up at the end of this season?

E.G.: Chargers win, Broncos second, Raiders in third, Chiefs last.

B: And next year? Repeat?

E.G.: I think they'll flip flop at the top, but the Chiefs and Raiders will still battle for the basement.

B: How about this Sunday's game?

E.G.: I think it'll be a really poor display of football. They've won in each other's stadiums for some time now, but I have a hard time believing the Chiefs pull it out. They are just not talented in a lot of areas, and I haven't seen anything out of the Chiefs defense to lead me to believe they'll rise up.

B: And Oakland is?

E.G.: The Raiders are talented but they don't work well together. They just run the ball.

B: Who will we see a lot of? Both Bush and Fargas?

E.G.: Yeah. Both, but again, that's because JaMarcus Russell is so bad. So bad at throwing the ball.

B: Score prediction?

E.G.: Thirteen-10, Raiders.

B: Any thoughts on this new Kansas City regime?

E.G.: Well, when Carl Peterson first got here, up until about 2006, I think he had the best intentions. I really think he was trying to win a championship for Lamar. But to be successful, everything from the top down has to fall into place. They never found that complete balance.

B: If you took over for Al Davis tomorrow, and you had to choose between the second coming of Art Shell and Herman Edwards to coach you team, who would you pick?

E.G.: I can't go with the first version of Art Shell?

B: Nope.

E.G.: I guess I go with Herm.

B: Did he get a fair shake in KC?

E.G.: Yeah. I think he probably did.

B: So what about Scott Pioli hiring Todd Haley to be his head coach who had but two years as a coordinator versus the New York Jets hiring Herman Edwards to coach their team when he'd only been a defensive backs/linebackers coach. Is the time logged as a coordinator that big?

E.G.: Taking that step to coordinator might be that huge. You're working with not just the intricacies of one position but the whole thing working together as a unit.

B: Will Herm ever get a head coaching job in the NFL again?

E.G.: No, not without some other steps. He'll be a DC somewhere, and maybe then as a head coach. Not directly.

B: How long should Haley get?

E.G.: At least three seasons. He has to be given a chance to get players on board, schemes implemented, unless of course you see a big step backwards.

That being said, Cable should be gone.

B: Really? Already? Who do you like?

E.G.: I wanted Dick LeBeau, but as I said, it's a rudderless ship out there.

B: Well thanks for stopping by. I, for the record, am saying that KC wins this one, 23-16.


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Sleeping with the Enemy: Week Six, Chiefs @ Redskins (with sick new twist on rivalries)

In the words of Guru, "Listen here. Listen, listen here." It's Friday. You ain't got no job, you ain't got shit to do. Okay. You might have a job. You might have some stuff to take care of, but make sure you leave a little time for some "Sleeping with the Enemy."

It's Native American week in the National Football League, and, as usual, we've got a fan of the team facing the Chiefs to talk hash bowls marks and sideboobslines with us. Trail of Tears, East Side joins us, one click away.

Bankmeister: Before we get into any nuts and bolts, give our vastly immeasurable readership a bit of background about yourself. Was it family that made you a Redskins fan? Geography? A bit of both? What are your favorite 'Skins memories? Do you get out to see games much?

Trail of Tears, East Side: Born in New Jersey, midway between Giants and Eagles territories, but moved a couple miles outside of DC when I was four. My dad didn’t have any strong allegiances so pretty much started following the home team. I was eight in 1982 when Joe Gibbs won the Super Bowl in his 2nd season. To this day I can name more guys on the '82 team off the top of my head than the current team: Theismann, Riggins, Washington, Bostic, Jacoby, Grimm, Monk, Manley, Grant, Butz. We had the Fun Bunch (wide receivers would get all together for a group high five in the end zone), the Hogs (the famed O-line that was tough as nails).



Probably see one game a season. I did see the Monday night game where Lawrence Taylor snapped Joe T’s leg and ended his career. We didn’t have the jumbotrons in that era, so all we knew in the stadium was that he was hurt bad and the game was stopped forever. Only the next day did I see the replay. Nasty. But it was a clean hit. Till this day, Lawrence Taylor is a name that carries a lot of feeling in DC –- begrudging respect is the closest way to explain it.

Have two best Skins memories: 1) my Dad taking me out of school to see the Redskins parade after winning the Super Bowl in 1982. It was a cold and rainy in January, and there was a lot of standing around, but it was the coolest thing I had ever been a part of. 2) In 1991, en route to their four Super Bowl appearances in 10 years, Tony Kornheiser, just a local Washington Post columnist at the time, started writing articles about the “Bandwagon”. After crushing Detroit in the first game of the season, he started writing every Monday about how the 'Skins were going to win the Super Bowl, and everybody should just get on the bandwagon now.

Each week it became bigger and bigger, and every Tues/Wed morning I couldn’t wait to get my hands on the paper to devour the story. In retrospect, man was Tony lucky –- if the 'Skins had petered out along the way, or lost in the early round of the playoffs, the columns would have been forgotten as a cheap gimmick. But since they won, it seemed like God itself had lined up in Burgundy and Gold that year and whispered in Tony’s ear to let him know it was coming. If you ask any Washington fan who was around then why they will always love Tony K, it has nothing to do with PTI, Wilbon, or the ill-fated MNF role. It is all about the Bandwagon. When, in the depths of our depression about the current state of affairs, we can relive the glory days here.

B: Those are great memories. One of my fondest is my pops taking me out of school for the Royals parade after they won they '85 series. Same exact feeling: cold, windy day; coolest thing ever. But, for the section of the country that is not Redskins fans, can you explain to us what you know about the Hogettes, or whatever those dudes are called that don ladies' dresses and pig snouts? Seems a bit peculiar to me.

ToTES: Not exactly sure how that came to pass, probably some misguided way of showing their love for the hogs –- I’ll give you peculiar on that one.

B: Speaking of (what some call) misguided, what's your stance on political correctness as it pertains (or does not) to team names? I mean, one of my colleagues thinks that Chiefs is disrespectful, but he also thinks that Phil Simms is the greatest quarterback ever, so we don't really listen to him. On the other side of that coin, The Kansas City Star has, for some time, had a policy wherein they simply do not print the word Redskins. Period. Now, in your average edition of the paper, you'd scarecely notice it as the team's (city) name comes up in the standings and in spreads, etc.

It is when the Chiefs and Redskins play one another, in fact, that it is glaringly obvious. Sports writers, and lower forms of such like myself, tend to look for any opportunity they can to substitute words for freshness, i.e. "Kansas City kicked a field goal. The Chiefs threw a pass. The guys in red and gold turned it over." When I open next Monday's paper, it will say Washington, Washington, Washington, Washington, which is simply maddening. Not to mention, when these teams play each other, there are typically small crowds of Native American folks outside the stadium in protest. What's your take?

ToTES: This may be more of a testament to the left-leaning majority in and around DC, but frankly it is an embarrassment when people stop to think about it and discuss it. Unlike “Chief,” the term “Redskin” cannot be interpreted as anything other than, at best, old-fashioned and inappropriate, and at worst, an offensive slur. Though the term “black” still appears to be acceptable, I don’t think anyone would say calling an Asian person “yellow” was OK. People have tried to argue that the term should be interpreted as a noble nickname, but personally I don’t buy it. All of that being said, I haven’t heard this topic mentioned in years, literally, and since no one really talks about it, I think it’s fair to call it a non-issue.

There have been flare-ups in the past about changing the name but it never took hold. I think that changing the name of the Washington Bullets had a greater sense of urgency to it, when DC was the nation's murder capital (per capita). I bet that the next time the Redskins issue flares up, they’ll change the name to just plain old “Skins” and let it be. Things that would alter that prediction: Obama mentioning his displeasure would drive an immediate change AND/OR three more pitiful seasons and they’ll want to go through a whole rebranding.

B: I see. So basically, you're on board with the Star: nothing wrong with Chiefs; Redskins we can't do. As you might know, this is the fourth of four consecutive NFC East games for KC. They got rocked by the Eagles, kinda made a game out of it against the Giants, and last week, Dallas needed overtime to beat this slovenly squad. As I mentioned last week, these last two games are sort of the easier half of the division to play. Personnel-ly speaking, Dallas is a lot more talented than the Chiefs, and Kansas City led most of that game. As I peer at the Washington roster, however, I'm kind of amazed.

Obviously, y'all gave eleventy-zillion dollars to Albert Haynesworth. You've got London Fletcher, Santana Moss, and the nut job known as Clinton Portis. Toss in Ladell Betts, DeAngelo Hall, Antwaan Randle El, Fred Smoot....I dunno. It just looks like a strange assemblage, like a huge bunch of castaways, but maybe it's because I pay so little attention to your team. What's your take on this squad? Is it your token mix of youth and veteran leadership? Were you stoked about the draft? I know there's a lot of hope for that Orakpo kid.

ToTES: First of all, as we move to the present, there is despair run amuck in Chocolate City. This team is hopeless again this year. I think by and large the fans are transitioning from the fourth to fifth stage of grief (depression to acceptance). This is not a playoff year and now we’re trying to figure out if it’s even possible that next year could be one.



Back to your question: the 'Skins are a hodge podge of talent, all who seem to be evaluated as individuals and not as they could fit together on a team. Since Snyder arrived, DC has been the place for veterans to come to get paid. They almost always don’t perform up to expectations (either because they’re too old too soon, or because there’s nothing left to worry about after the zillions of dollars in the bank account). Along the way, they’ve traded draft picks willy nilly. Now there've been some good drafts (Betts, Campbell, Cooley, Orakpo hopefully) but Snyder has never seemed to have much faith or patience in building the team by drafting. Hence salary cap problems, no chemistry, players who come and go.

B: Those questions were kind of a lead-in to these in a way: Give us the 4-1-1 on Dan Snyder. What do fans think? I can't think of an NFL franchise owner that gets more national pub, which most of the time, makes him look like a total prick. Is that unfair? Here're a few more oddities: The 'Skins Web site looks bizarre, like someone very young and green designed it. But that's fine. What's weird is that there's no (that I could find) tab or link called "Front Office." Does this team have a general manager? Is there a scouting department? A personnel crew? Why would you omit that from your page?

ToTES: I’m not aware of any single person that loves or even likes Snyder. There’s I guess some respect for his business accomplishments. But he’s run the franchise into the ground from a football perspective, and along the way, has made it much more expensive to be a fan. You can’t even call it nickel and diming, because the increase in tickets, parking, etc, etc, etc is significant $$. If he wins a Super Bowl will it all be forgiven? Probably not. But if he wins two or more, than probably yes.

He has a buddy named Vinny Cerrato who is EVP of Football operations. He’s basically the GM, and has been since Snyder came in, except for the couple of years that Marty was at the helm and demanded total control. Locals say Vinny is in a solid position cause he’s like family, but fans don’t like him.

Can’t speak to the Web site, but I have to imagine that when this is not a strong suit for the team, no one wants their name out there.

B: Next subject: Jim Zorn. Discuss.

ToTES: Zorn. Nice enough guy. In over his head. Better at developing QB talent than being an offensive coordinator or worse, have overall responsibility for a team. Can’t see him surviving. And can’t seem him wanting to stay here with the firestorm he faces.

B: Moving on: Jason Campbell has, to me, been perhaps the most difficult quarterback to assess in the league over the past few seasons. I know he missed significant time last year, but this year the kid's sitting on a 66.7 completion percentage, a rating of 88.8, he's (barely) got more TDs than picks, and he's on pace to throw for 4000 yards. Also, he's average five yards per carry when he rushes. Some pretty good things there. On the other hand, he's coughed up the rock eight times already through 13 sacks. Those eight fumbles are kind of staggering if you consider the following:

Tony Romo's been sacked nine times, lost the ball thrice; She-li over in New York has been sacked twice and lost two fumbles; and Philly quarterbacks have been sacked six times and lost three balls. In the AFC West, JaMarcus Russell has been sacked 15 times and fumbled on four occasions. Philip Rivers has been dropped 10 times, but only lost two. Kyle Orton's taken eight sacks and lost one football, and even Matt Cassel, a guy that wears pink polo shirts, has been sacked 14 times but only fumbled four times. For whatever reason, I thought Washington had a pretty solid offensive line. Did I dream that? Or do they, and Campbell just doesn't protect the pigskin very well?

What's your prognostication of where Campbell's career goes? Will he become a top-tier slinger? Will he be a game manager at best? Somewhere in between?

ToTES: Campbell. Like others before him, he shows just enough brilliance to keep your dreams alive, but day in day out his performance is marginal. Yes, he coughs up the ball way too much, but yes he’s scrambled like Randall Cunningham. Yes he throws picks, but he has dropped some glorious longballs right into breadbaskets. Right now, I think he’s over coached and under too much pressure. Zorn is in his ear non-stop during the games, and you just seem him following each step (read the D, snap the ball, check the progression, etc.) without it being a fluid, graceful process. He’s no slinger –- doesn’t seem to have that in him (although I never saw him at Auburn). He’s trying to be a manager, a system QB, which will be great if he can do it. The key to that kind of thing is limiting the downside, since the upside is not often going to be amazing. He’s not there yet.



I think he has the potential to be a Rich Gannon. Sometimes starter, then backup, who one day late in his career will get a shot and have a great year or two. He’ll do his time and should be able to be respected for it.

B: Your club, as I mentioned, gets a lot of pub, and it's mostly Snyder-related, which leaves the media hungry for firings and hirings. I don't necessarily want to feed into all of that, but what were your thoughts surrounding the Marty Schottenheimer firing? You could make the argument that, spanning from Norv Turner to Terry Robiskie to Marty to Steve flippin' Spurrier to the reincarnation of Joe Gibbs to Jim Zorn, that Marty, who'd seemed to turn the proverbial corner at the time of his firing, is probably the best coach that club has seen in a decade. But I digress.

ToTES: Marty was the best thing that could have happened to the 'Skins after Gibbs Round I. Looking back, it’s a no-brainer. But what you hear is that Marty was such a control-freak, and didn’t give Snyder any chance for input and involvement, that it was never going to last because Snyder fancies himself part of the mix.

B: Yeah. It seems like every time I turn on the tube, or go browsin' the Webs, there're rumblings of a Zorn firing. He has, headed into this game against the Chiefs, been given the exact amount of time that Snyder gave Schottenheimer, and posted an identical win-loss record. Is he gone if the 'Skins drop this game, or has Snyder grown wiser over the years and realized that these things take time? Kansas City, by the way, has lost nine straight games and an astonishing 31 of its last 37 contests. Neither team can afford another loss at this point, but I guess it goes without saying that Zorn is in hotter water. What's his leash length look like?

ToTES: Short. Can’t see him getting fired mid-season though.

B: Last week's Cowboys fan, when prompted, had some choice, definitive words for each of the other three teams in the division, which rung true for our theme of division-rival hatred here in the House of Georges. Have you any thoughts/words you'd like to share regarding Washington's rivals?

ToTES: So I hate the Eagles because of the fans. The team itself I can appreciate, but Philly Fan is the most obnoxious thing walking around east of the Mississippi. I hate the Cowboys because I was taught to. They are cocky and beat you when they have no right to.

As for the Giants, I have to recuse myself. Much to the chagrin of my fellow 'Skins fans, I am a Giants fan, too. Story is too long to go into here, but suffice it to say I have enough room in my heart for two football teams in the same division. It is heresy. But I also love the Maryland Terrapins and Duke Blue Devils. I consider it a blessing. I’m not soliciting any more feedback on this though.

B: As much respect as I’ve had (and have) for you over the years, rooting for two teams in the same division is like dating two girls at the same time who both have the same name, and neither knows about the other. Or banging all of your girlfriend’s sisters and thinking that anything shy of a train wreck is possible. Since you’re skilled in these areas, though, can you let us in on your secret? What happens at Thanksgiving when everyone’s at the table? You know, these clubs face each other twice a season at minimum. Who gets a bigger helping of the Trail’s sausage gravy? But better yet: What about the outcome of this game? Who'll be the stars? And, let's have a score prediction.

ToTES: I tend to hang my hat on the port-side of the political sailboat. In normal seas I can be found around the middle most of the time, but I’ll hike out if the waters get choppy and I feel compelled to help keep the boat in balance. I’ve been called a “mended heart whose bandages tend to leak”.

On to my love for the Giants and Skins…

Admittedly, in practice it can have ugly moments. I take merciless shit from every football fan, 'Skins, Giants or otherwise. I have twice the exposure to heartbreak. I tend to root for the underdog heading into the game, unless the underdog is so far out of it that a win wouldn’t benefit them. In 'Skins country I tend to play up my Giants loyalties and vice versa. This is not the easiest path, but it is the noble way to honor these two loves. I do get two huge payoffs that I’m not shy about admitting: 1) I always feel good about the winner of a game between the two at the end, no matter who I wanted at the outset and 2) each year, I have two horses in the race (six wins in eight tries in Super Bowls since I’ve been watching football).

But there is a higher concept in play here. Let me try to put it in terms you can understand (your analogy notwithstanding).

Consider this duality in my football soul to be like the dual love of the wilderness and the city. Contradictions sure, but yet, why does one’s need to be alone on a path, amongst the trees, in a brisk alpine air mean that one cannot also need to walk the streets of a busy eastern city at the end of a workday, with its history, million stories, and urgency? Does one begrudge one son’s accomplishments in favor of another son’s? No, one does not. Does one rise up in defense of one sister less than another? No I say to you, no, one cannot and shall not. You cannot hear it but I’m pounding on the podium right now with both fists!)

I argue that anyone who does not embrace love in its many, complex and competing facets, its yin and yang, its chocolate and vanilla, its Cain and Abel, its Redskins and Giants, cannot truly know love at all. My heart goes out to anyone so mercilessly doomed to a single love, who will never know the richness in spirit and nuance and struggle, that I experience every Sunday during NFL season.

B: Jesus. You're like the lovechild of H.D. Thoreau and Ezra Pound. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit, but carry on.

ToTES: As for this particular game, I think it will be close. Larry Johnson will arise from the dead and have a nice day. But Cooley will have a TD and some huge catches on 3rd downs to keep the Skins alive in critical moments. It will be anyone’s game in the 4th quarter, but end up 17-16, 'Skins over Chiefs.

B: Holding on for a Washington win, eh? I'm gonna disagree for the first time in a month. Chiefs get their first victory, 23-17. Either way, it was a pleasure chatting with you. Stop by anytime.
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Sleeping with the Enemy: Week Five, Cowboys @ Chiefs

Just like the string of winless Chief games, "Sleeping with the Enemy" keeps pluggin' along, and I for one, am not gonna lie: I'm happy to be through with what some might call the tough half of the NFC East stretch. Don't get me wrong: Kansas City could easily drop both this Sunday's game against Dallas, and next week's game against the not-very-good-seeming Washington Redskins. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. If you're new to this feature, we sit down right quick and chat with a fan of the opposing team each week, and as you might've guessed by the pictured "enemy" I've most definitely slept with, the Chiefs are hosting Dallas this Sunday.

Normally, I nab an old buddy, or a homeless guy in Westport to pose as the fan of the bad guys, but this week, I was lucky enough to reel in someone of a slightly higher-than-homeless status: Cory "Cowboy" Anderson from KCSP 610 AM here in Kansas City. He's the host/co-host of 610's show "Chris and Cowboy" which airs Monday through Friday from two to six in the afternoon, and unfortunately, he's a Dallas fan. Our pigskin chat, post-leap.

Bankmeister: Begin, if you would, by giving us a bit of background on yourself. You're a fan of both the Oklahoma State and the Dallas Cowboys, correct? Did you grow up in the south? What're your fondest childhood memories of America's team? How long have you been in Kansas City? To what extent are you an actual fan of the Chiefs? You cover them extensively on the air, and based on your criticisms (positive and negative) it would appear that you root for them to at least not suck. Can you give us an analogy, or just a general comparison of your feelings for the Cowboys versus those that you have for the Chiefs?

Cowboy: I was born and raised in Oklahoma City, so without a team of our own, OKC is basically a Cowboys town. There are some that jump on various bandwagons and don't have one team, but the majority of OKC roots for the Cowboys. My dad is a huge fan as well, and growing up we rarely missed a Cowboys game on Sunday in front of the TV. It's one of the things that helped us form as close a relationship as we have today, and in fact we still talk on the phone after the Cowboys game every Sunday, usually now to bitch about Romo and how bad he sucks. My best memories are obviously following that great team of the early-to-mid '90s that won three Super Bowls in four seasons. I was 15 years old when they won the first one, so it made football a big part of my life through junior high and high school. I also have some great memories of visiting Texas Stadium back in the good days, including a Thanksgiving Day game against the Packers where Aikman was injured and Jason Garrett led a huge comback in the snow. It was pretty awesome.

As far as the Chiefs, despite what it might sound like at times on the air, I really want them to do well. I've gotten to know several of the players, and hate to see them down every time we're in the locker room. But in relation to the Cowboys, there's no comparison. I am a die-hard Cowboys fan, and I root for the Chiefs (at least every week except this one). I have lived in the KC area for seven years this December. Basically, the Cowboys are Scarlett Johansen to me, and the Chiefs are the hot waitress at the club.



While I'd really like to get with the hot waitress, there's nothing I wouldn't do for Scarlett.

B: I'll offer you a touche on the Scar-Jo. I'm more of a Charlize Theron guy myself,



but that's neither here nor there. Since my colleagues are Denver Bronco fans, and we frequently talk rivalry and hatred, give us a phrase or two for each of the other NFC East teams, something that really sums up your feelings for each squad.

C: As far as the other NFC East teams, the words I would use to describe them would be: Giants -- filthy, scum-of-the-Earth bastards; Eagles -- big-game chokers (but I do respect the way they've sustained that franchise); Redskins -- worthless losers. The Giants are and always will be the team I hate the most.

B: And now, your Cowboys. It seems like Dallas fans are going berserk because this team is 2-2, and, a lot of the blame is falling on Tony Romo. What caliber of signal-caller do you estimate Romo to be at at this point in his career? Top-tier? A notch below? Is it fair that he shoulder the blame for this team not being 4-0? Were you upset with him for trying to throw to Hurd on the final play against the Broncos last week?

C: Tony Romo is nothing but a fantasy QB. He'll put up decent stats, but when it's crunch-time, he's a loser. And I don't mean that as a personal attack, I mean as a guy who will never be a winner. When the games start to matter most, Tony Romo is usually at his worst. I don't think he'll ever be a big-time QB, and to be honest, I've never seen someone basically be labeled a superstar for doing less on the field. He's a product of the Cowboys-hype machine and Jessica Simpson, that's it. And don't even get me started on the back-to-back throws to Hurd in Denver. I don't care if Witten is triple-teamed, he's the best tight end in football right now, you take a shot at him over a scrub being covered by one of the top corners in the league. Freaking moron.

B: Okay. Witten over Gonzalez, eh? He might have better numbers through four weeks in 2009 (Editor's Note: Except not really), but agree to disagree.

What about your head coach? There are a lot of both satirical bloggers and even a few professional reporters that knock the guy pretty heavily. Is ol' Wade a wise and savvy leader for an NFL squad? Do his goofy looks occasionally taint the opinion some might have of him? If the wheels come off, will he last the season? What do you make of the whisperings of Mike Shanahan replacing him next season? Said whisperings, of course, were more abundant in the off-season.

C: Wade Phillips is a clown. Only Jerry Jones would have kept him after the Cowboys' collapse last season, and that's so he can keep pulling the puppet strings on his clueless coach. Worthless. I think when the Cowboys end up 9-7, Phillips will be done and Jones will go hard after Shanahan or Cowher, and he'll get one of them.

B: Speaking of your owner, your colleague Josh Klingler was interviewing a Dallas somebody or other this morning, and the agreed-upon notion was that Jerry Jones is a fantastic owner in many regards, except for the fact that he continues to want to GM this team, to be the main man of all football operations. Is it possible that we have another Al Davis in the making, or is all of that unfounded?

C: I love Jerry Jones...he will do whatever it takes to win. Money is never an issue, and while he makes some mistakes, I'd ratrher have an owner who is willing to take the chances than one like Clark Hunt who operates $30 million below the cap and clearly doesn't look like he's doing everything possible to bring a winner to KC. Jerry will never be an Al Davis. He's grooming his son to take over when he knows it's time, and I don't think he'll hang on and make a mockery of himself.

B: Fair enough. A big issue for this Sunday's game will be injuries. It sounds like Felix Jones is out, and Roy Williams, and Andre Gurode are questionable. Marion Barber seems iffy? This Tashard Choice kid has a bit of flash to him, but enough about Dallas. Given all of the changes that the Kansas City Chiefs have undergone since last December, what would you say is the most positive thing they have going for them right now?

C: The most positive thing the Chiefs have going for them is that Carl is gone. I don't know if that's the best thing to hang your hat on or not, but I can't sit here and say Pioli is a can't-miss, and Haley looks like a clown so far. Albert and Flowers were the two guys I had the highest hopes for this season, and they've both struggled so far.

B: Ouch. Addition by subtraction meets Haley=Phillips. That's brutal. Finally, though, we'll get a look at some throwback-uniform action this weekend. Are you a fan?

C: I love the throwback uniforms. In fact, the ones the Cowboys will wear are my favorite uniforms in the entire league. I wish there would be an entire season where every team wore the throwbacks.

B: And, of course, we'll need a score prediction from you.

C: Final score: Cowboys 27, Chiefs 17

B: Hmmm. Gonna have to say boo on that score, even if it's accurate as all get out. Actually, no. Screw that. I say it's closer: Cowboys 20, Chiefs 16. Either way, many thanks for your time, and keep up the good work on air.



Let's go Texans Chiefs!
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