Playoff Baseball In The Daytime, And Nighttime: First Pitch '09

Today we kick off a little thing known as the Major League Baseball Playoffs. In our minds it seems as though that bubble was burst yesterday, with the Twins' extra-innings win over the Tigers. But that festival of screwup in the Metrodome was merely a regular-season tiebreaker -- today is the real deal.

We've got a tripleheader on tap, with all games broadcast on the TBS. That's right, y'all, no Buck or McCarver until the ALCS starts next week. Our first game includes a heaping helping of local color in the person of your Colorado Rockies, so join us after the jump for today's orgy of baseball...

Colorado @ Philadelphia, 12:37 Mountain Both today's and tomorrow's games in the City Of Brotherly drop at this absurd noonish hour, a direct result of the Rockies' lack of national magnetism. The Philly phaithful are pissed about this, and demand is so light that one can acquire a nosebleed seat to today's game for less than a c-note on the black market.

Ubaldo Jimenez assumes his rightful role as the Colorado ace and Game 1 starter, while midseason acquisition Cliff Lee gets the ball from Charlie Manuel. Both are capable of complete domination, but only one has experience pitching in the postseason. Jimenez was on the staff of the '07 Rocktober club, but Lee was not on the Indians' playoff roster that autumn.

The question marks in Jim Tracy's lineup are found at third base (Ian Stewart or righty-hitting Garret Atkins versus the lefty Lee?), catcher (Yorvit Torrealba played most of September, but Chris Ianetta has crouched much of the last week), and in the outfield (the normal alignment of Gonzalez-Fowler-Hawpe, or a wild card such as Seth Fucking Smith or RH Ryan Spillborghs?). Regardless of the particulars, everyone knows that the Rockies have had a harder time hitting lefties this season (.253/.335/.430 against LHP vs. .264/.346/.445 against RHP), and they will face Lee, Cole Hamels and J.A. Happ in this series. If they can get to the bullpen, however, the Rockies will see almost no southpaws (unless Happ is assigned to relief). J.C. Romero, Scott Eyre and Jamie Moyer are all hurt.

As for the Phillies, they boast a prodigious power-and-speed lineup along with rings from last year's championship. The fact that Colorado's only lefty starter (Jorge De La Rosa) will not pitch in this series to Philly's lefty sluggers (Chase Utley, Ryan Howard and Raul Ibanez) is pretty devastating to the Rockies' hopes.

The deck seems stacked against the Rockies, but Tracy is some sort of voodoo witch doctor. My guess is that he has one more potion in his bag of tricks for these Phillies. SERIES PREDICTION: ROCKIES IN FIVE.

Minnesota @ NY Yankees, 4:07 21 hours after killing off the Tigers, the Twins get a date with the 103-win Yankees at the Stadium. All you need to know about this game is that the Yankees' new park is an absolute bandbox, and the weather forecast calls for 10-40 mph winds blowing out to center. Expect copious home runs, mostly by the home team. Brian Duensing is Minnesota's sacrificial lamb, while C.C. Sabathia starts for the Bombers. SERIES PREDICTION: YANKEES IN THREE.

Cardinals @ Dodgers, 7:37 The late game features two teams that limped down the stretch, but still coasted in thanks to massive division leads. Although the Dodgers have home field here, everyone's picking St. Louis thanks to their Cy Young-y 1-2 pitching punch of Chris Carpenter/Adam Wainwright and their MVP-ish hitting combo of Albert Pujols/Matt Holliday. LA's issues start with their thoroughly pedestrian rotation (Randy Wolf starts tonight opposite Carpenter) and their punchless cleanup hitter (Manny Ramirez, who's hit just one HR since Sept. 9). Try as I might to find a way for the Dodgers to prevail, I just don't think they're very good. SERIES PREDICTION: CARDINALS IN FOUR.
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Let's Play 163: Unexpected, Oddly Scheduled Baseball In The Daytime

Why hello there, disoriented day baseball fan! Just when you thought you'd been cast out for the winter by Bud Selig and his band of goons, along comes a surprise morsel of good times. It's a one-game playoff! In the middle of the afternoon! Sure, it's inside a building, so the only sunshine you'll see will be out your own window. Unless there's a blimp there--I love it when they bring a blimp to dome games. Hey look, there's the Metrodome. There's a game inside, we promise. This footage was most certainly not shot in 1986, swear.

So traipse past the jump, folks, to find everything you could ever imagine about this odd little baseball game. We'll even tell you who's going to win, and give you deep and insightful analysis about the ramifications on the remainder of the playoffs. Actually, that's crap--the Yankees will sweep whoever wins this contest.

Detroit @ Minnesota, 3:07 Mountain We'll get to the pitching and the lineups and the drunken wife-beating and all the other subplots in just a moment. First we have to set the scene. In the words of noted Scottish/Canadian/Rhode Islander poet David Byrne: "And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?"

First off, the Twins simply played their mother-loving asses off this month. On September 13 Minnesota was five and half games behind the Tigers in the AL Central. Since then they've gone a preposterous 16-4, and their only loss to a team other than the Tigers was at the hands of certain Cy Younger Zack Greinke. Over the same stretch Detroit has limped in at 11-10, with only a Justin Verlander win Sunday saving them from a sweep by the White Sox and lasting choke infamy.

Is the Tigers' gag job the worst ever? Of course not. It's not on the level of the 1964 Phillies (6 1/2 up with 12 to play), the '69 Cubs (9 1/2 up in mid-August), or the '78 Red Sox (14 up on July 19 before losing the one-game playoff on Bucky Dent's home run). Hell, it's not even as bad as the Met's collapse in 2007 (7 games up on September 12), although it's worse than what Los Mets did last year (giving up a 3 1/2-game lead with 17 to play). Detroit's gravest shame is blowing a three-game lead with four games to play, something only the 2008 Denver Broncos could identify with.

In the past, the home teams for these one-game playoffs have been determined by a coin toss, which is of course stupid (yet far less stupid than tying home field for the World Series to the All-Star Game). So for 2009 MLB instituted a sensible reform, one which gives the home field to the team with the better head-to-head record. Since Minnesota won the season series with the Tigers, they host. Yet since the Twins also share the Metrodome with the Vikings (for now, baseball-only Target Field opens in April) and the Vikings had Favrepalooza scheduled for last night, we play today. Got it? Got it.

PITCHING: Rick Porcello (14-9, 4.04 ERA, 4.42 K/9, 1.62 K/BB) v. Scott Baker (15-9, 4.36/5.37/2.29)

The Twins have a decided advantage here--Baker is unquestionably their ace and has been stellar in the second half with a 3.30 ERA. Porcello has been the Tigers' third-best starter in this his rookie campaign and has tired considerably as the season has gone on. He's 20 freakin' years old.

With the Favre-induced day off yesterday, both bullpens are at full strength. Plus, it's all-hands-on-deck time, so if either Jim Leyland or Ron Gardenhire need to throw a random starter in to advance they will. Like I said, the winner gets an automatic sweep at the hands of the Yankees, so who gives a shit?

HITTING

When Justin Morneau went down with a back injury September 14, it was presumed by many, including yours truly, that the team was toast. Of course, Morneau's convalescence almost exactly coincides with the Twins 16-4 season-ending hot streak, so it's possible that his teammates really, really dislike him. His is Canadian, and therefore surely a pompous asshole with a stupid accent and liberal ideas. Michael Cuddyer has stepped in at first and basically turned in to Lou Gehrig. Former deadbeats like Delmon Young, Jason Kubel and Orlando Cabrera have been ripping covers off baseballs recently, and Joe Mauer is as much of a lock for MVP as Greinke is for Cy Young.

Meanwhile, the Tigers have already decided to pack their bats away for winter. The once-deadly threesome of Curtis Granderson, Carlos Guillen and Brandon Inge is batting .189 over the last week, and then we have Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera, the heart of the Tiger lineup and on the books for $20 mil-plus a year for the next six, had a fun weekend. In the midst of going 0-for-11 with 12 men left on base in the series against the White Sox, Cabrera had the cops called to his house early Sunday morning following a 911 call from his wife. Turns out Cabrera had been out carousing with White Sox players and came home trashed. Tigers fans, as you might guess, are less than fired up about their best player's commitment to winning.

The Only Tiger who's swinging a hot bat is Magglio Ordonez. On the verge of being benched at midseason for extreme suckery, Maggs kicked it into high gear (the cynic in me says it was to vest an $18 million option for next season) and hasn't stopped. Ordonez hit .459 in September and is 9-for-15 with a 1.514 OPS in this brief month.

INTANGIBLES

Neither manager is crappy--everyone in the game admires the work Gardenhire does with his players, and Leyland has skippered three different clubs to the playoffs (we'll once again ignore his disastrous stint in Colorado). The biggest X-factor here is the Metrodome. Words cannot encapsulate how shitty this place is for a ballgame. The fans are raucous and right on top of the players. The roof is white, and so are baseballs. This makes fly balls a circus for visiting defenders, and it all adds up to the biggest home-field advantage in pro sports. In both 1987 and 1991, the Twins won the World Series despite losing every single road game--the Dome's quirks are that pronounced and that much of an edge for the hosts.

PREDICTION

Everything looks like it favors the Twins, so I was absolutely prepared to pick the Tigers. Not just to be a contrarian, but because big games almost never go the way we think they will--this is the main reason sports are awesome. Plus, the day off has to hamper the Twins' momentum a bit, Porcello's a very talented pitcher, and the fact that the Tigers are a veteran club with a veteran manager leads me to believe they'll be able to block out all the shenanigans. But then I heard Leyland bitching about the MNF-induced rescheduling, and I changed my tune. Look, having to play on Tuesday and then boogie to New York is no picnic, and you have a right to be steamed. But airing that grievance ahead of time sounds like making excuses for a predictably bad performance, and it causes me think the Tigers will not show up this afternoon. Let's say Twins 6, Tigers 3. Now let's go Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 1 October 2009

Buckle your chin straps and fasten your safety belts, because this is the penultimate Baseball In The Daytime of the whole year and it's a humdinger. That was about the most nonsensical sentence imaginable, as you don't wear helmets or seatbelts while watching day baseball. Unless you're mentally retarded, in which case I apologize for my gross insensitivity to your condition.

Also, I believe that at least a few of next week's Division Series games will be played during daylight hours, so I was wrong there as well. WHO'S THE RETARD NOW?

Juvenile insults aside, we truly do have some killer games on the sked this afternoon. We've got a Cy Young race to decide, a possible playoff spot to clinch, and home field issues on the Senior Circuit to untangle. Some teams are rising, some stumbling, some playing out the string, and some trying to build a little momentum for the offseason. Let's get right into the fray, after the jump...

St. Louis @ Cincinnati, 10:35 Mountain The popular scuttlebutt holds that the NL Cy Young battle is a three-man race. Those men are Tim Lincecum of the Giants (who won in '08) and Cardinals teammates Chris Carpenter and Adam Wainwright. For my money Wainwright's the guy--he's been the most consistently unhittable from start to finish, even though Carpenter and Lincecum have slightly better stuff. It's not wrapped up, however, and a memorable start by Carpenter today could sway some of the spineless chin-strappers that inhabit the Baseball Writers of America. Carpenter's foil today is Cincinnati's Kip Wells.

Of more import than individual awards is the seeding in the NL playoffs. The Dodgers are still on top of the league with 93 wins, but they've dropped four straight to the putrid Pirates and Padres by a combined score 0f 25-7. Philadelphia sits a game behind with 92 wins, while the Rockies and Cardinals are currently at 90. All four of these teams are still in the mix for the top spot, and so every game they play over the next four days is impactful for playoff positioning.

Minnesota @ Detroit, 11:05 Over in the American League, we've got but one spot in the October tournament up for grabs. Someone has to win the Central division, and that someone will be one of the two teams wrasslin' at Comerica today. The Tigers, thanks to last night's 7-2 TKO of the Twins, hold a commanding three-game lead with four to play. A Detroit win behind lefty Nate Robertson means the race is over, good night, please hand in your keys. Should Scott Baker and Minnesota prevail, however, we keep this slugfest alive for at least one more day.

Milwaukee @ Colorado, 1:10 The brooms are out at Coors today, along with whatever symbolic trinketry you smuggle in when you're about to clinch. A boxing glove? A roll of toilet paper? An octopus? I don't know the protocol here. Aaron Cook starts for the home Rockies, who with a win lock down their second playoff berth in three seasons. Manny Parra tries to prevent any celebration on his watch, and you know what? Fuck Manny Parra and fuck the Brewers. We're taking a stand today, and it is decidedly homeriffic in the Centennial State.

With a victory, Colorado can also stay alive for a super-unlikely division crown, which would be their first. Tomorrow the Rox start a season-ending three-gamer at Chavez Ravine versus the free-falling Dodgers.

Arizona @ San Francisco, 1:45 The last of our BitD four-spot features the day's finest pitching matchup, Dan Haren against Lincecum. Haren has gone into his traditional second-half swoon, transforming from onetime Cy candidate to a guy who gives up five a game. Not that I'm bitter, not that I need Dan Haren to show up today to salvage my fading hopes in a fantasy baseball final. Let's throw a few strikes today, fellas, and Play Ball! Read more

Baseball in the Daytime: Nine/Two-nine/Oh-nine

Well, well. We're down folks, down to four days left of day baseball, and frankly, we couldn't be sadder about it. Major League Baseball's post-season is shaping up quickly, and most of the division titles have been clinched. In the American League, the New York Yankees boast baseball's best record, and have sealed up the East. The day before yesterday, they demonstrated their happiness by dousing each other with simmering viles of semen bubbly wine and joy. Out west, Los Anaheim has done the same thing. In the National League, St. Louis celebrated Saturday night with a victory over Colorado, one that game them N.L. Central bragging rights. In the West, the Dodgers have qualified for the post-season, but still have one pesky win to earn before they can call themselves division champs. In the East, Philadelphia needs but a pubic hair of a win to call the division theirs. For today's day baseball, however, we go back to the American League Central Division. Details on how Jim Leyland and company just might piss their near-season-long division stronghold away, after the jump.

Minnesota @ Detroit, 11:05 Central: In our lone unit of action this afternoon, Nick Blackburn takes on Nick Porcello in one of the most important (and last) series of the season. Both right-handers are either .500 or better, and both have E.R.A.s just over four. Two games separate these two clubs from a division title; it's there for the taking, and we'll know a lot more at the day's end as these clubs will square off again this evening after being rained out last night. Neither DirecTV or XM has the afternoon tilt listed on their schedule, but I'd nose around for myself if I was you.

Today's contest is one of four between the Twins and Tigers at Comerica Park. Detroit will wrap up regular-season play with a three-game stand against the White Sox. Take an early lunch today and cash in on what will surely be a battle. Enjoy.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 16 September 2009

Today's BitD contains 100 per cent of your daily recommended allowance of calcium, riboflavin and fiber. Possible side effects include blurred vision and upset stomach. If your day baseball game lasts longer than four hours, please consult a physician.

With the fine print out of the way, let's check out the schedule, after the jump...

Cleveland @ Minnesota, 11:10 Mountain This is the last time Cleveland plays in the Metrodome, as the Twins open brand-new Target Field next April. It's not the last baseball game in the Hube, Detroit comes in tomorrow and the season ends with a three-game home set against the Royals. And I suppose that the Browns could still play the Vikings here, so technically it's not the last time ever a team from the city of Cleveland competes in this building. So let's not get all weepy and steal urinals on our way out the door. Aaron Laffey and Nick Blackburn are your scheduled starters.

Florida @ St. Louis, 12:15 The Marlins are still in this thing, by a thread. Colorado's three-game losing skid has left the Fish 4 1/2 out of the wild card with 17 yet to play. It's not inconceivable that they could catch the Rockies, although if they did so they'd probably then have to reel in the Giants as well. So I guess it is inconceivable, and this game is meaningless. Josh Johnson takes the hill for Florida, and if you're an NL Cy Young voter and you don't give Johnson one of your ten spots you are a punk. He's opposed by the one, the only, Joel Pineiro.

Pittsburgh @ LA Dodgers, 1:10 Even though they're still in first, and even though they have a nice lineup, no one is really taking the Dodgers seriously as World Series contenders. Their rotation is kind of a mess, riddled with question marks, and the current consensus is that LA can't matchup with St. Louis and Philly in the NL playoffs. Hiroki Kuroda, one of those question marks, takes on Kevin Hart today in (at? from?) Chavez Ravine.

Arizona @ San Diego, 1:35 Here at Baseball In The Daytime, we like to save the best for last. We like to, but we can't always deliver. I must apologize for our closing afternoon game, because it's cover-your-face awful. It "features" Doug Davis going for the D'Bags and Eduardo Mujica doing likewise for the Padres. These teams are a combined 34 games under .500 and are both on the verge of bankruptcy. Outside of Adrian Gonzalez and Justin Upton, there's not a single player on either roster I'd pay to watch play today. But hey, it's baseball, in a beautiful city, during daylight hours--that ain't bad I reckon. Marshall your courage and Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: Hot Diggety Dog

Apparently, there was a hot dog eating contest over the weekend, and apparently, some guy not named Kobayashi -- Joey Chestnut downed 68 for his second consecutive title and a world record -- won the thing. Now, I kind of loathe the phrase "only in America," but this is one event where I would make the exception. I find this contest absolutely disgusting, but I sure do love me some hot dogs. Had one on Sunday, even. Right after I took one for the team and took the most burnt bratwurst on the tray. Seems as though, what with Memorial Day, graduations, and Fourth of July, I've had quite a few dogs lately. In fact, my sister-in-law and I were talking about this last evening. One day last week, she had three dogs in three different settings in a 24-hour period. And apparently, she could've squeezed down another. She, uh, has this way with words, shall I say. She summed the experience by saying, "Three weiners in one day. Who'd've thunk it?" Approximately seven minutes later, over by the display of M&Ms and mixed nuts, she, downing a mouthful said, "Mmm. Chocolate nuts."

But baseball. Baseball. I've noticed a pattern. In yesterday's day baseball affair (link, cough), there were a bunch of National League day games, whereas in today's there're three American League and one N.L. tilt to wrap things up. Come with me, over the jump, and find out all about it.

Toronto @ Tampa Bay, 11:08 Central: It's Roy Halladay as the visitor in today's first contest. He faces David Price and the Bay Rays in a battle of wits and sliders. Halladay's 10-win first half, coupled with his below-three E.R.A. has been incredible. Price will have his work cut out for him as he comes in at 2-3 with a plus-five. Lucky for he and the Tampa crew, they have a four and-a-half game lead over the Jays in the A.L. East, which is surprising, considering some of the flash Toronto has, on occasion, shown this year. They lock up on DirecTV 721, XM 176.

New York @ Minnesota, 12:10: Precisely one hour and two minutes later, Alfredo Aceves will battle with Glen Perkins. Except that he won't; the Twinkie on the hill will actually be Francisco Liriano. Perkins, apparently, is ill and will go tomorrow instead. But anyway, Liriano comes with a 4-8 record, a 5.49 E.R.A., is fully loaded and available for 1.9 percent financing. Aceves, on the other hand, has strung together a quiet 5-1 record with a 2.03 E.R.A., from the 'pen. The pinstripe front office was going to give him the nod two weeks ago when CC Sabathia's chances of starting looked shaky. Today he's a definite go in place of Chien-Ming Wang, who's 2009 has looked shaky. They'll hate on one another on DirecTV 722 and 723, or over on XM 177.

Cleveland @ Chicago, 1:05: Matchup number three is a duel of southpaws as David Huff faces Clayton Richard and the White Stockings. Each hurler has one fewer loss than wins, and E.R.A.s they'd like to whittle down a bit. I keep expecting Cleveland to get their act together and get out of the A.L. Central, but when you lose eight of your last 10, that's hard to do. Chicago, conversely, has done the opposite. Watch these jerks play baseball on DirecTV 724, 725, or listen to their jerkiness on XM 178.

St. Louis @ Milwaukee, 1:05: For the league of hitting pitchers, it's right-hander Joel Pineiro against lefty Manny Parra. Though the Cardinal's record (6-9) doesn't speak volumes about his season, his 3.39 E.R.A. tells a bit more of the story. Another missing piece is that he's gotten very little run support in his appearances thus far. Parra, on the other hand, will make his first start in a month for the Brew Crew. After early-season struggles, he was sent down, where he wasn't all that much better. Either way, he takes the mound in the bottoms of the innings today at Miller Park. Don't believe me? Check DirecTV 726 or 727, or listen for his name on XM 183.

That's your slab today, folks. Enjoy some baseball, and hell, have a hot dog for lunch while you're at it.
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Musings From Roy F. Almania: Twin Comparisons and Deep Dictionary Diggin'

This, ladies and gentlemen, is "Musings From Roy F. Almania." Each month, if we're lucky, my cousin Roy, from down in the humid depths of Joplin, MO, takes time out of his schedule to pen us a piece on his and my favorite Major League Baseball team, the Kansas City Royals. It's seldom Associated Press material, and it's not always as polished as your local rag's sports page, but it's one thing and one thing only: unique and heartfelt.

What? That's two things? My bad. Dig in on this month's (Editor's Note: In true journalistic fashion, he e-mailed me this entry before 12:00 a.m. Central, so I guess technically this counts as a May entry.) installment, just beyond the jump.

I ain't never been much of a linguist, but one word, to me, if a body breaks it on down, can be meant to sum up the first part of the season for the 2009 Kansas City Royals. 'Fore I get into that, though, I must mention that the series in which my boys in blue are participatin' now -- the one 'gainst them confounded Twins of St. Paul -- is the perfect sack-of-feed example to illustrate my point. See, the Twins, to me, are eternal Kansas City nemesis. They've managed, for a number of seasons now, to do things just a hair better than the club formerly owned by the Kauffmans, and playing better ball than them -- even if it's just a hayseed better -- is the means for a successful harvest. They ain't never had much in the way of superstars, but they do field some talent, they drum up better-than-average pitching each year, they have the ability to hit well, play solid defense, and have admirable speed. And by my calculations, taking multiple series from Minneapolis is the fertilizer to better Royal ball.

And I'll be damned if the first two games of this series right now don't do my point justice. Let's first back up and look at their last meeting. It was the top o' last month when KC visited the Hubert Humphrey, and I was tickled when the boys produced a golden goose egg in the form of a series win up there. Now they dropped the first game by a pair of runs, but they fought back from a defecit in the second game, and took it from the home team in extra innings. Then they capped the thing off with another come-from-behind win to take the rubber match. Night before last, they never trailed, even when Justin Morneau hit a two-run blast in the eighth. A solo shot from Morneau early in last night's game, however, made a difference that the Royals couldn't overcome.

If you examine a few factors of the Minnesota roster, you'll find some spots that Kansas City should strive for. For example, their catcher, Joe Mauer, is hittin' .383 and sluggin' . 662 with 14 homers. Miguel Olivo's hittin' .262, sluggin' .524, and has a dozen dingers. Twins base runners have swiped 38 bags, which is actually two fewer than the Royals. Minnesota pitching boasts a 4.28 ERA with a 500:217 K:BB ratio; Kansas City looks more like 4.30 with a 516:244. Royals hurlers have also given up fewer earned runs, fewer home runs, and fewer hits, which means, if overcoming the Twins is the silo in the way to the pasture, than offense must be the problem if they have the pitching edge. The Twins have some 80 more hits than the Royals, which have produced 70-some more runs than their current opponents. And here's the kicker: They got a 15-home run edge, and a 95-RBI differential. They also walk more, have a better team batting average, and a better slugging percentage, so KC has its work cut out for it.

But enough about Team Gardenhire. Let's talk about my word: contention. If that ain't what most Royals fans want more than anything, than I'll be a stuck pig. I know that's what's on my Christmas list every year, and shoot -- I even say a little prayer for it come Independence Day. If you break it down by syllable, you'll find a lot o' meaning in there. Bear with me, now.

Cun

I ain't sure if that's the proper phonetic spelling, but imagine it is. While you're playin' along, pretend as though "cun" was the root of "cunning," which my definition as a noun means "craftiness; guile." As an adjective, it can mean adeptness, dexterity, crafty, or sly." Now, I wouldn't necessarily argue that the Royals are very many of things things in both the tops and the bottoms of innings. When they're on the field, they have the potential to be all of 'em, if you look at the potential of this group of pitchers. If you broaden the scope to include the fielders, you might could say there's some craft, and a little bit of dexterity. But adept and crafty this team, as a fielding whole, is not. The team, as an entire whole, however, can "cun" you into thinking that they are crafty enough to tinker with a Wildcard. But we mustn't be fooled, and I think a great many of us were as spring training camp broke.

Ten

I reckon we don't need the dictionary for this one. It's a number. There's examples a-plenty with this number that we could use to show how the Royals are underperforming. I'll offer a few: The Royals have played 76 games. They are 33-34, which is 10 games below .500. They should be 38-29, a 10-game swing. In their last 10 games, they've won four, lost six. If they drop this afternoon's contest against the Twins, they'll be 10 games out of first. Through them 76 games, they have 642 hits, 67 of which are home runs. That makes about 9.58 per cent of their hits to be home runs. It should never be less than 10. They are 10 RBIs short of 300 on the season. They are not in the Top 10 in runs scored. You get the point.

Shun

This last one's a bit more subjective. It means "to take pains to keep away from; to avoid." This should be KC's motto toward losing. Contrarily, it should be the last thing the fans are doing with their hopes for the team, their desires to follow the club and get out to the stadium when feasible. What fans have done, is shun their early-season expectations and turned to expect the worst. They've shunned the general manager, and they've shunned the skip. As my kids might say, "not cool." What the club and the fan base should be doing, is supporting this team, helping them to shun their opponents each time they take the field. I'm no dummy that thinks the Central can be won this year, but I imagine that this time next year, there'll be many a fan that will be working dawn to dusk to shun the feelings they had about last season's team.
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Baseball in the Daytime: A Little Twinny Twin Twin, Fell-a

Welcome back for another installment of the feature you just can't get enough of. I don't blame you. I'd come back, too. There are two, count 'em, two, games on the sandwich board today, and they both look so enticing, that I think I'll go somewhere else to eat. Not far. Just, you know, further than the jump.

Tampa Bay @ Cleveland, 11:05 Central: The fact that Jesus' favorite metropolis kicks today's day baseball slot off today is fascinating. I want nothing but salvation for the fans of professional sports teams that call Cleveland home, but there's something humorous in the way that things are shaping up at the moment. Here's what could quite possibly happen today: Right-handed Jeff Niemann, who's sporting a 4-3 record and a 4.53 E.R.A., goes out and tosses a gem, while Indians starter, lefty David Huff of the 0-1, 17.55 situtation, gets lit the frank up, and pulled from the game. Angrily, he leaves Progressive Field and has 17 shots of Old Crow before running into Brady Quinn at the neighborhood saloon, who then, half-sauced himself, challenges the pitcher to an alley boxing match. Naturally, Quinn loses, and breaks every bone in his throwing hand in the process. These events promptly hit the local news just in time for the Orlando @ Cleveland 7:30 tip, which the Cavs of course lose, and trade LeBron James within a few short weeks. Watch at least the baseball part of this glory unfold on DirecTV 721 or 722, or listen in on XM 176.

Boston @ Minnesota, 12:10: Elsewhere in the Central, some jackass right-hander named Anthony Swarzak takes the hill for the now-second-place Twins. He's 1-0 wit a 0.00 E.R.A. What a dick. Speaking of cocks, Josh Beckett fondles the bag for the visiting Red Sox. This cornhole's been dilly-dallying around all season, barely scraping together four wins, and only recently getting his E.R.A. down to an even five. He's one of many highly toted kids on my fantasy club that've produced a whole lot of awesome in the way of my five-week losing streak, which is just the pinnacle of good times, I tell you. So I say screw the Twins, and screw Josh Beckett, but if you disagree, you can catch them making out facing off on DirecTV 723 or 724, or listen in on the hot man-to-man frames on XM 177.

That's your pair of afternoon baseball today, folks, and believe it or not, it's nearly half of the games taking place for the entire day. Try not to be a slouch like professional baseballers today and get some work done, will ya'?
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Saturday Studmuffins: Minnesota Twins Catcher Joe Mauer

Ugh. I enjoy this feature, because it's quick and easy. I do not, however, enjoy giving props to people that wreck my teams.

Someone asked the other day who I would say was the Royals' arch-enemy? The Yankees? The White Sox? Those are decent guesses, but the real answer is Minnesota. For reasons I cannot explain, the Twins always have an edge on the Royals, and frankly, it's starting to get real God-damn old.

What's more, is that there are specific Twins that nearly single-handedly kill the Royals almost every time they play. Joe Mauer is at the top of that list.

Joe Mauer hadn't played a single game yet this season until last night. What does he do in his debut? Nothing. Nothing, that is, in the form of two hits (a double and a homer) an RBI, a walk and score three times en route to a 7-5 win for the Twinkies.

Please. At your earliest convenience, help yourself to a dose of Swine Flu, Joe Mauer.
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Baseball in the Daytime: 9-11-08

One lone matchup again this afternoon, and it doesn't hold much in the way of excitement beyond the fact that it's an afternoon baseball game. It's getaway day in the twin cities, though, and we've got the classic case of division rivals; one's trying to win the division, while the other tries to figure out just who the heck they are. One or two details, after the jump.

Kansas City @ Minnesota, 12:05 (Central): Today at the dome, it'll be Brandon Duckworth taking on Francisco Liriano. Neither guy has been around to often this season, so their stats aren't necessarily worth mentioning. Suffice it to say that the Royals have been outscored 14-3 in the opening two games of this series, and don't promise much win-wise in today's contest either. The Twins continue to chase Chicago, who seems to win every time MInnesota wins, and lose when they lose. Who knows how this AL Central will wind up, other than disappointing for KC fans. Catch the game on DirecTV 738.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 8-27-08

A trio of day games are perched on today's MLB slate, but the bigger news is out of the bag: Instant replay starts tomorrow. That's right, tomorrow. Not at the start of next year. Not with a trial period in Double-A or the Instructional League. Today's games will be the last wholly governed by humans, and tomorrow we deputize the machines for assistance.

Look, I'm not anti-replay. I like technology. Like Reggie White once said, give the Japanese a toaster and they'll give you a watch. And I like getting calls right, and I hate dismissing good ideas in the name of asinine traditions. But who, other than the Clinton wing of the Democratic Party, tries to change rules in the middle of a season? How is that possibly a good idea? How is it that umpires, who don't like this adjustment and who weren't consulted in its implementation, will manage replay with any sort of skill on the fly? How will they not botch more calls now than with the old system?

I predict that this season is fucked on this front. This will affect the pennant race and this will affect the playoffs. At this point I don't know the specifics of this change--once I get filled in I'm sure I'll have many more thoughts. But for now, Bud, this overreaction gets a fat thumbs down from this fan. On to the games...

Chicago Cubs @ Pittsburgh, 10:35 Mountain I don't know what the weather's going to be like in the Steel City today, but let's assume the forecast calls for glorious. If you're in Western PA, you can make your way downtown and to PNC Park to take in a matinee against the first-place Cubs. You can shell out twenty bucks (what the average Pittsburgher clears in a week) for a seat and twenty more for some peanuts, Cracker Jack and a brew. You can sit in the sunshine and watch the game languidly unfold before you. And then you can realize that you are in Pittsburgh and you have more than a fourth grade education, and you can get the fuck out of there before the dumb and the fat infect you. Jason Marquis and Zach Duke are your starters.

Arizona @ San Diego, 1:35 On the other hand, if you live in San Diego, you can fuck off. Seriously. No one likes you. D'Bags starter Randy Johnson doesn't like you, although he's pretty grouchy with everyone. Padres pitcher Cha Seung Baek doesn't like you--he'll only live in your fair city for a few more weeks before being shipped to yet another club. I don't like you. Brian Giles likes you, but only because he's so enthralled by your beautiful city he refuses to play anywhere else. Go to hell, San Diego.

Minnesota @ Seattle, 2:40 The AL Central has just turned into a God damned dogfight. Daily hand-to-hand combat. With Detroit's complete implosion, only the Twins and the White Sox are left standing, and Chicago's fine play of late leaves them two games free as of press time. Minnesota tries to stay close with Glen Perkins on the Safeco mound today opposite Ryan Feierabend. Seattle is still playing hard, for one reason and one reason only. They're on pace to be the first team ever to lose 100 games with a payroll in excess of $100 million. You can do it, Mariners. 82 down, 18 to go. Stay strong and resolute in your commitment to losing, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 8-20-08

I know the Dodgers don't play this afternoon--they're scheduled to face the Rockies tonight at Chavez Ravine. I still want to use this space to bash Jeff Kent.

Jeff Kent is one of the finest second basemen ever to play this game. Go ahead, look up his numbers. Few at his position have ever hit like he has. Unfortunately, Jeff Kent is also a huge giant piece of shit as a person. This goes far beyond his moustache, which is actually pretty awesome. No, Kent's doucheness is acute and long-lasting. It's pretty hard to have a feud with Barry Bonds and have folks take Barry's side, but that's Jeff Kent. Bigger fuckstick than Barry Bonds.

Jeff Kent once wrecked his motorcycle in the offseason, which is a bad enough deal for a ballplayer. The bigger problem was that Kent had recently signed an enormous contract, a contract that specifically forbade him from riding motorcycles. Faced with the prospect of voiding the contract and losing millions, Kent did what any dipshit asshole would do, he lied and said he broke his leg whilst washing his truck. Which is totally probable. Jeff Kent does not like it when I go to games and yell at him, asking him how clean his truck is. But fuck him.

I could go on and on about how shitty a teammate Jeff Kent is, how he has singlehandedly tried to ruin the impressive youth movement the Dodgers are in the midst of, how he got Grady Little fired (actually a plus), and how in his spare time he adopts cats and then drowns them in his hot tub. I'll let that go, because that moustache is pretty awesome.

But this I can't let stand. Now Jeff Kent has committed an even greater sin upon the dignity of the game of baseball. Since the Dodgers acquired Manny Ramirez, merely one of the 20 best hitters ever to hold a bat, Kent has been killing it. One could draw the logical conclusion that Kent, hitting in the prime spot directly in front of Manny, is seeing great pitches and capitalizing on them. No way, says Jeff Kent. Totally unrelated, fuck you and fuck Manny. Or something to that effect. Which is all fine, because everyone knows Jeff Kent is a world class dick. Not content with that, Kent went on and impugned the integrity of Vin Scully, who discussed the connection of Kent's hot streak to Manny's arrival on air.

Jeff Kent criticized Saint Vincent. This can not stand. I've never asked anything of Dodger fans, a species that is below earwigs in my book. But tonight, I implore you, let Jeff Kent have it. With twenty thousand voices, ask him how clean his truck is. Boo his sorry ass. And while I never condone such actions, if someone throws a battery at him I'll smile, on the inside. Don't let us down, Humberto.

Oakland @ Minnesota, 11:10 Mountain While the Twins try to hang with the White Sox in the race for the AL Central flag, the A's are on cruise control to nowhere. You mean trading away our three best pitchers is a bad thing? Shit! Left behind after the purge in Oakland is young Dallas Braden, who'll match wits with Fransico Liriano at the Hube.

Seattle @ Chicago White Sox, 12:05 In another matchup pitting Central contender vs. Western loser, the Mariners take on the Pale Hose at U.S. Cellular. Somehow this season R.A. Dickey made his way from the Rangers to the M's, I'll go ahead and say that's the least important trade of the year. R.A. starts for Seattle, while Gavin Floyd takes the ball for the home team.

Houston @ Milwaukee, 12:05 The Astros have been hot lately, and in fact were the focus of a section-front story in USA Today yesterday concerning their playoff hopes. Playoffs? Cecil hates it when I cite McPaper, but I'll always counter that the multicolored fishwrap is no less accurate than the New York Times. On a dissimilar note, how does a grown man end up with the name Wandy? That's the handle of Houston starter Wandy Rodriguez, who today battles Manny Parra and the Brewers. Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 8-13-08

I woke up in a cold sweat this morning, remembering two things. One, my student loan payment is due tomorrow. God I hate my student loan payment. All that stupid shit I bought because the dumb government gave me the money.

The other is Baseball In The Daytime. Twas to be an easy beat today, with just a lone Yankee game on the docket. But lo, Mother Nature interjected and rained out the Cubs and the Braves last night, doubling my workload. Doubling! So now I don the tools of ignorance--coffee, keyboard, green eyeshade--and tap tap tap away at another installment of America's favorite feature.

Briquettes of insight after the jump...

Chicago Cubs @ Atlanta, 11:10 Mountain This is the first game of a precipitation-precipitated double-dip. If you only have the time or the means to take in one, by all means make it the nightcap featuring Rich Harden and Jorge Campillo. Should you be stuck with the matinee, well, crack an Old Style and make the best of it. Your visiting Cubbies hand the ball to Jason Marquis, your basic 4/5 starter who's given his club some innings this year while managing to avoid shitting his pants. I wouldn't imagine we'll see Marquis much come October unless things go horribly wrong...oh fuck, there I go jinxing the Cubs again. All apologies.

Meanwhile, the home Braves go with a gentleman named Charlie Morton. I know nothing about him, which doesn't mean much. It could be that Charlie Morton is a great undiscovered baseball treasure. Or Charlie Morton is the single crappiest pitcher to hike an MLB mound this season. Back in the old days, when the Cubs and the Braves were the only two teams you could regularly watch (on WGN and WTBS respectively), I hated these series because it meant being stuck with the same two clubs we always watched.

NY Yankees @ Minnesota, 11:10 Is this the final game for the Bronx Bombers at the old Metrodome? You have the Internet, you can find out for yourself. Alls I know is the Yanks are handily tanking, and the Baby Boss has all the excuses. Yes, Hank Steinbrenner emerged from his playroom yesterday and issued all sorts of proclamations--that these Yanks are the most injury-plagued team in history, that this season is a lost cause, that next year God damn it we're taking it all. OK then. You have to admit, any Yankee year that prominently leans on Darrell Rasner is probably not going well. The woebegotten righty faces Kevin Slowey today as New York tries desperately to stay relevant. Keep you chin up and Play Ball!
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Midseason Baseball Report: AL Central

It is not, of course, midseason, unless you're talking about growing pumpkins. With pumpkins you're about halfway between the summer solstice and optimal harvest. But we're not a pumpkin blog, as much as Cecil laments. We talk baseball here.

We typically try to get a little rundown on each division around the All-Star break, but this year's been squirrelly. Our AL Central expert, the dynamic webtastic international superstar Sooze from Babes Love Baseball, and I have battled foreboding work schedules in order to communicate. We actually ended up trading questions via Pony Express, which explains the serious lag time in posting. Them horses was rode hard and put away wet, but what's a little animal abuse when we're discussing the national pastime?

Using that old-timey technology made us pretty out-of-date, like when Andrew Jackson won the Battle of New Orleans after the War of 1812 was already over (never got the e-mail, I guess). Enjoy anyway...

Old No. 7: Generally we begin these breakdowns by focusing on our guest's favorite team. In your case that would be the Minnesota Twins. At the time of this writing your Twins sit a game and a half behind the White Sox, with the Tigers lurking at six and a half out (Editor's Note: That's now one and 8.5, respectively). Many would call your team's record "surprising," but isn't it simply the result of running your franchise well? Similar to how the Oakland A's tend to usually be in the mix with their annual modest payroll?

Sooze: I would agree with that. With today being the trade deadline (Whoops-Ed.), as a Twins fan I never get too excited. They don't go out and buy talent -- especially since the talent they do buy is in the form of aging veterans -- so it's a good thing their farm system is so stacked.

Old No. 7: What's your current assessment of the Johan Santana trade? It netted you Carlos Gomez, who started out great this season but seems a little over-matched these days. Of the three pitchers (Phil Humber, Deolis Guerra and Kevin Mulvey), who seems the closest to helping the big club and who do you think will end up as the best? Do you think you got good long-term value for Santana?

Sooze: I was at first incredibly sad about the Santana trade. I have a crapload of #57 stuff that was pretty hard to look at for a while. Carlos Gomez (I like to call him Go-Go cause dude runs like the wind) really was a pleasant surprise at first, but now it's pretty clear that Denard Span maybe should have won the starting job this Spring. That guy is awesome. Gomez is chock-full of promise and potential though, so I think the Twins got the upper hand in the deal.

As for the three pitchers they received, they're all kind of meh this season. Guerra is pitching down in Single-A and fighting to keep his ERA under 5.00, even with a 10-6 record. Humber is also struggling with the Red Wings, but has the potential to be a decent strikeout pitcher someday. Mulvey? 3-8 with a 3.81 ERA. Ah, young guns. Gotta love 'em.

Old No. 7: You wrote a while back about the controversy surrounding Francisco Liriano's tenure in the minors. Do you think he'll be up soon, and do you think he'll pick up where he left off before his elbow surgery? (Liriano was called up and in his first start back August 9 threw six innings of three-hit shutout baseball-Ed.)

Sooze: I hope Liriano makes it up soon with all my heart. I understand the Twins' dilemma of not knowing what the future holds, who to send down, trade, etc., but something needs to happen before his agent takes desperate measures, like putting a hit on Glen Perkins. I also see the apprehension that may come with remembering his 0-3 record and 11.32 ERA, accumulated over just 10 1/3 innings this April. Franchise (as he was dubbed in '06) is kicking ass down in AAA, though, fanning 113 batters in 118 1/3 innings. The only problem with that is the fact that the minors aren't the big leagues. There is a reason these kids aren't up in the majors, and 90% of that reason is because they pretty much suck at baseball. Translation: not all that challenging.

Old No. 7: What's the status of the rest of your pitching staff? It seems like the no-name rotation is holding together quite nicely and the bullpen has weathered the loss of Pat Neshek. Even HoG favorite Boof Bonser has found a home in the 'pen.

Sooze: Greatest combination of suckiness as of late? Livan Hernandez getting bitch-slapped for four innings, just before Bonser comes in to surrender 3-4 more runs. It seems like the only time Boof even pitches anymore is in a non-save situation or when Minnesota is down eleventeen runs in the sixth. Anyway, if I had to choose someone to let go, it would be Hernandez (Livan was claimed off waivers yesterday by your Colorado Rockies-Ed.). I like the looks of a young rotation, one that could be used for seasons down the road.

Old No. 7: Can this team hit enough in the second half, or might they look at adding a bat before the deadline?

Sooze: Man, they never look. If Terry Mulholland were to come out of retirement today, the Twins would probably give him a contract. And yeah, they can hit. My Canadian Crusher still hits bombs sometimes and Mauer could get on base in his sleep. Also, Nick Punto is totally flirting with .300! No, I am not delusional.

Old No. 7: Are you excited about the new park? I've only spent a little time in Minnesota, and it was in the summer when it was beautiful. How many games do you see being affected by weather and cold each spring?

Sooze: I am SO PUMPED for the new park. I went to U.S. Cellular in June to see the White Sox steamroll the Twins, and it poured all weekend, yet I was still loving every second, simply because the game was played outdoors. But when the time comes to play outdoor baseball in Minnesota, we'll be seeing a lot of make-ups from early-April blizzards. And hopefully October blizzards. too.

Old No. 7: All right, let's take a lap around the Central. The first place White Sox have been resilient--they clobber the baseball, get key outs late in games (and are now getting their closer back) and their starters have been good enough. Do you see them maintaining their success or falling off?

Sooze: I can't answer this question without being completely biased. I hate the White Sox -- making this whole Ken Griffey Jr. being so lovable thing really tough -- so I cannot have the slightest bit of confidence in them. I do, however, love Carlos Quentin.

Old No. 7: After Detroit added a few big-name vets to a loaded roster, many all but handed them the AL pennant back in March. The Tigers were awful this spring but have managed to get themselves back on the radar. They're certainly capable of making a run, do you think it will happen?

Sooze: I called a Detroit Tigers World Series championship this Spring on the Treehouse Fort podcast. Pretty much all season they've made me look like an asshole. I'm glad they're starting to bring it, but no. No ring for Motown, especially now that they've traded Pudge for Farnsworth.

Old No. 7: The other team the pundits forecast greatness for was the Cleveland Indians, who currently reside in the AL Central cellar. They've dealt with injuries, yes, but so has every other club. Is 2008 a one-year aberration, or are Indians fans looking at dark times again?

Sooze: Ah, rebuilding. It seems like it was just a couple seasons ago the Indians were rebuilding. Oh wait, that was a couple of seasons ago. They have some young talent, some hard-hitting vets, and a hell of an ace, but the aliens who abducted the real Cliff Lee will need to put him back eventually. Also, no more C.C.

Old No. 7: Finally, we have an obligation to discuss the Royals--the House of Georges was recently named the 38th best Royals blog on the whole Internets. They've certainly shown improvement in the last three seasons but are a long way from legitimate contention. Tell me this: your Twins have a similar payroll and similar attendance figures to Kansas City, yet you regularly contend and qualify for the playoffs and they do not. You consistently produce guys like Santana, Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau, and bring in quality pieces like Liriano, Gomez and Joe Nathan via trades. What separates your particular brands of small-market baseball?

Sooze: There's something kind of sissy about powder blue unis.

Old No. 7: Sissy? What are you talking about? I'll agree that the new blues are a joke (I hate the dark trim, white pants and black shoes), but come one. Does this look like a sissy to you? Or this? Oh, wait, you're bagging on Kansas City--you're absolutely right. Sissy.

Update: I'm getting a lot of feedback on that photo, and I must point out that it is not of Sooze. That's just some rock star that happens to also be a Twins fan. Sooze, while a Twins fan and a rock star, does not have a beard. I've never met her but I have seen her MySpace page--no beard. So stop asking.

Update No. 2: I forgot to link to the AL West edition, it's here. There's a good chance we'll have midseason reports on the other divisions up by the end of the season. If not check back in the offseason, or perhaps next season.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 7-9-08

It's my anniversary, so I'd like to tell my lovely wife who's not reading this that she rocks. If you have an unopened bottle of that Pinot Noir we gave out to our wedding party three years back, today's the day to crack that shit. It is not good wine, it was made in a jug by me, and it will not improve with age. Get it in your gut before it turns into sewage.

Speaking of big days, we've had a couple consecutive ones in the National League Central. After Milwaukee obtained the reigning AL CY Younger on Monday, Chicago nabbed a pretty nice compliment to Big Z yesterday. Rumor has it the Cardinals are furiously working a deal for the memory of Joaquin Andujar. Or at least Jeff Weaver--hey, it worked last time.

For the record, I dig the effort. Trades are fun, even if these blockbustery in-season deals for starting pitching almost never pan out. After the jump, a more exhaustive rundown of the trades, including bonus criticism and mocking of the Kansas City Royals for no reason at all. And of course we'll preview today's afternoon menu, which features a generous helping of AL East finger food.

First, Harden. This to me is a luxury deal. The Cubs already have an bona fide ace in Carlos Zambrano and an All-Star in Ryan Dempster. The rest of the rotation--Ted Lilly, Jason Marquis and Sean Marshall--is competent, and upgrading from Marshall to Harden is huge. Like trading in a pair of roller skates for a Ferrari.

If you've ever owned a Ferrari, though, you know they spend a lot of time in the shop. This may or may not be true, I actually just made it up. Ferraris may be extremely reliable. Check your J.D. Power surveys for long-term quality trends. What I'm trying to get at with this tortured metaphor is that Rich Harden has made Mark Prior look durable over the course of his career. So that shiny bauble may tarnish quickly, Cub fans.

I actually like the addition of Chad Gaudin to the already stout Chicago bullpen, and the losses are manageable: Matt Murton, Eric Patterson and some B-grade prospect. The reason this particular trade happened is Sean Gallagher, a nice young pitcher that will help the A's out immediately. Billy Beane is, of course, the master at his craft. In dealing away Dan Haren last December, he added starters Dana Eveland and Greg Smith in addition to possible star outfielder Carlos Gonzalez. And Haren himself came over in the deal that gave the Cards Mark Mulder. Billy Beane almost always "wins" his trades, but they're never extremely one-sided because he's dealing away quality players like Harden.

As for the Brewers, I think it's a home run. And this is where the Royals come in. Four years ago, just four years, Kansas City posted a 58-104 record. That's lousy, but take a look at the same marks of some other longtime sad sacks: Arizona 51-111, Tampa 70-91, Cincinnati 76-86, Colorado 68-94, Milwaukee 67-94.

Now note the upswing that all of those other teams have made. The Rockies, even though they've regressed this season, won the NL pennant in '07. To grab that flag they beat the Diamondbacks, who are in first place this season. The Bay-Rays are merely leading both the Red Sox and Yankees in the toughest and most expensive division in baseball. The Reds and the Brewers, while lagging a bit in the standings, are set for years to come with top young players at the major league, Triple- and Double-A levels.

How? Intelligent drafting and player development. All of these organizations implemented a system that capitalized on the high draft picks they received. All traded away aging assets for prospects that have actually panned out. And all have recognized that for all of its financial disparity, baseball has actually implemented one of the most socialistically progressive agendas for crappy teams in all the major sports. Revenue sharing has put real money in the pockets of small-market clubs, and the compensatory-pick system has loaded the draft classes of teams that lose free agents.

Look at what the draft has become. Following the losing '04 season, these teams took future stars Justin Upton (Arizona), Jay Bruce (Cincinnati), Ryan Braun (Milwaukee) and Troy Tulowitzki (Colorado). KC nabbed Alex Gordon with the second pick in that draft, a huge departure from the typical Allard Baird whiff-job in which he tanked high picks because the team was so cheap with signing bonuses. And Gordon is good, no doubt. Some day he may even be great. But it is inexcusable that years of drafting in the top ten have yielded but one potential All-Star, especially when these other losers have become absolutely loaded with studs.

Going back to the Milwaukee trade for Sabathia, it's almost embarrassing. They gave up a promising slugger in Matt LaPorta, a former No. 7 overall pick, to essentially rent C.C. for a few months. They may re-sign him, sure, but that's beside the point. If he skates, the Brewers will receive the first-round pick of whichever team signs him (say the Yankees in the mid-20s) plus a compensatory sandwich pick between the first and second rounds. Add to that the probability of Ben Sheets going elsewhere as well--another No. 1 and another sandwich. So the Brew Crew could have five of the first 35 picks in the 2009 Draft.

On top of that, their farm system is already loaded. They have 3B Mat Gamel and SS Alcides Escobar ripping up Double-A and lots of promising pitchers at the A level. They could trade disgruntled 1B Prince Fielder in the offseason for immediate rotation help should the lose Sabathia and/or Sheets. But these are all long-term concerns. The key point is that the Milwaukee Brewers, written off as a hopeless, small-market, low-payroll, incompetent shitbag team just a few years ago, just pulled off a huge trade and stand poised as legitimate World Series contenders. Amazing.

So when I belittle the Royals, it's not just to tweak Chiefs fans. Well, that's not the only reason. I bag on the Royals because the old excuses for their lack of success simply do not apply any more. They should be better, much better than they are. By continually sucking, they add credence to the outdated notion that small-market teams can't comepete. That's simply not true anymore. There's more than one way to skin a cat, and there's more than one way to win at big league baseball. If you don't have the revenue streams the Yankees, Sox, Cubs, Dodgers and Angels do, baseball gives you money. If you don't sign the big free agents those teams do, baseball gives you draft picks to get your own players. It's like the teacher is giving you a cheat sheet before the test. All you have to do is take it.

OK, enough about these mighty orphans. Let's get to the soulless corporate powerhouses that ruin baseball:

Minnesota @ Boston, 11:05 Mountain It was a very, very strange situation I found myself in last night, actually pulling for the New York Yankees. I left my house with the Red Sox losing 3-1 and the Yanks up 2-0 on the first place Bay-Rays. I heard Manny's triumphant eighth inning homer on the radio, and then switched over to see if the Yanks could hold on and get Boston a game closer to first. Weird, weird stuff. Today the Twins send Livan Hernandez to the Fenway mound against Josh Beckett. Both these guys won World Series for the Florida Marlins, a fact that no Marlins fans will bring up. Because, you see, there are no Marlins fans, and...oh never mind.

Tampa @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Hey, let's hear it for my new favorite team! The Yanks try for the sweep of this little two-game set today at the Stadium, and they do so by sending Sir Sidney Ponson into battle. The Bay-Rays counter with Edwin Jackson and I just can't believe the Yankees and their $200 million payroll have Sidney Ponson on their roster. Wow. I mean, wow.

Florida @ San Diego, 1:35 Those nonexistent Marlins fans will not tune their imaginary TVs in this afternoon to a game at Petco Park. In that game they won't watch Scott Olsen pitch against Cha Seung Baek. They won't have a weird feeling about Baek, and they won't think "Hey, wasn't he on the Mariners?" And then they won't go to the Googles to not discover that Baek was in fact traded from Seattle to San Diego on May 29. So all of you zero Marlins fans, Don't Play Ball! The rest of you, you know what to do.

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Baseball In The Daytime: 6-9-08

The word for today is reacharound, kids, and I implore you to use it often. The reacharound is a pleasant feeling you get when your weekend series can't quite wrap it up by Sunday and it has to sneak over to Monday afternoon to get 'er done. The term has no other uses, nope, never.

So have a seat, and let the gentle fingers of Baseball In The Daytime caress your fanhood until you're a happy customer...

Arizona @ Pittsburgh, 10:35 Mountain Our first reacharound occurs at the confluence of the Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio Rivers, at beautiful PNC Park. It features your still first-place D'Bags and the scrappy Pirates. How scrappy, you ask? Well, they're nine and a half out and in fifth place. Sounds like the same old Pirates, you say. But hold on there, Mr. Cynical. The Bucs actually hold the same record as the Dodgers, who reside in second in their division, and are within a half game of the Mets, who have the second-highest payroll in the sport. So yes, they're scrappy. Your reacharound starters are The Big Unit and The Duke, which is fitting.

Kansas City @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Nowhere is the reacharound tradition more legendary than at venerable Yankee Stadium, site of today's contest between the Bombers and the Royals. Although the Yanks are gunning for the series win in this four-game set, it is the boys in occasional powder blue who could easily be setting up for a sweep. If they could pitch better, that is, and I suppose being able to pitch would be a prerequisite for sweeping a major league baseball team. Joakim Soria blew a ninth-inning lead on Saturday, while Zach Greinke could not hold a one-run edge in yesterday's contest. Today Luke Hochevar will be given the ball to start, but the score will be 0-0. Keep it together, kid. Mike Mussina drags his Archie Bunker hide to the mound as well.

Minnesota @ Chicago White Sox, 12:05 Getting some reacharound is a pleasant surprise, and these Pale Hose are one of the biggest surprises in baseball. Chicago holds a five and a half game lead over these Twins after taking the first three games of the series. That represents the biggest divisional lead in the game. When reached (around) for comment, manager Ozzie Smith Guillen said "Fuck you, fag." Fair enough, Oz. The skip sends John Danks, bro, into battle against Glenn Perkins, a rare instance when two starters whose names both end in "S" face one another. Reach around gently, boys, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 6-5-08

Back with a vengeance, this is Baseball In The Daytime. Where we examine the games of the afternoon, when normal people are at work and you and I sneak beer into paper bags.

Today's highlights include the 2008 big-league debut of a once-heralded prospect, the return from crotchital problems of a dude on Banky's fantasy team, and a distinct AL East flavor. The Bombers are in action, the Orioles too, and we conclude the series between the top two teams in the division.

Toronto @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Mountain Dustin McGowan has been one of this season's breakout players, emerging from the back end of the Blue Jays' rotation as one of the AL's better starters. While his record is only 4-4, that's more a result of the Jays' anemic offense. He's really had only one lousy start, a 9-run affair in Cleveland back in May. The month of Way was also unkind to Yankee starter Wang40--he posted an ERA in excess of five and his only two losses of the year. Both try to kick off their Junes in a better way, today at the Stadium.

Cincinnati @ Philadelphia, 11:05 Back in the Show. Baseball's real-life Nook LaLoosh, Homer Bailey, he of the million-dollar arm and ten-cent head, pops up for the Reds today. Once known as the finest pitching prospect in the game, Bailey stumbled through a rough 2007 campaign before falling behind both Edinson Volquez and Johnny Cueto in the organizational pecking order. But it's all about the kids in Cincinnati, what with Jay Bruce mania taking over the city and no one making eye contact with Old Man Griffey. Cole Hamels, a long-haired whiz kid himself, takes the mound for the home team.

Baltimore @ Minnesota, 11:10 At the start of the season, I ran every pitcher in the majors through a series of sophisticated statistical metrics. I wanted to identify undervalued arms for my fantasy draft. My Commodore 64 spit out the usual suspects such as Peavy, Santana and Beckett, but also a handful of hidden gems, like Scott Baker. So I drafted Baker, squeezed a few thoroughly ordinary starts out of him, and all was well.

I hit a bit of a roster crunch in April, though, and needed a sub. I dropped Baker, thinking he was still unknown enough that I could sneak him through waivers and reobtain him later. But then Banky swooped in and grabbed him. Several attempts to trade for him were unsuccessful, and only hardened Bank's resolve. It's as though Scott Baker, he of the 19 career wins and 4.65 lifetime ERA, is the centerpiece of his entire pitching strategery. He's been out a month now with a groin, but returns today to surely lead the Alex Gordon Express to championships aplenty. Garrett Olson gets the nod for the O's.

Tampa @ Boston, 4:05 This oddly-timed afternoon getwaway represents an opportunity for the Sox to sweep and expand their new lead in the East. It's tough running with the big boys, as the upstarts from the Gulf Coast are finding out. Today the Bay-Rays assign mighty James Shields the task of avoiding Boston bats, while Jon Lester gets a similar chore for the white shirts.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 5-22-08

It's Thursday, and Thursday is Cecil Day at the HoG. Your intrepid chronicler of vintage wartime propaganda posters and the workout habits of 22-year-old men will check in at some point today to regale you with tales of sporting might. Until then you're stuck with me and my rampant homerism for all things Red Soxy. Sorry!

I'm still a bit hung over from last night's intoxicating debut--the Fat Man is back. B.F. Bartolo Colon took the Fenway mound for the first time as a member of the Olde Towne Team(e?) and...didn't really suck. He hurled five innings of effective work, gave up but a pair of runs, and led the Sox to their sixth straight win. And he was his measty, sweaty, rotund self while doing it--God it's good to have Bartolo back in the big leagues.

Those Red Sox and Royals finish off their series today, and that tilt is joined by two other games on the afternoon docket--enjoy, after the jump...

Seattle @ Detroit, 11:05 Mountain You've heard before about the Old Man, the crotchety curmudgeon that occupies a spot in our fantasy baseball league. Our message board is chock full of his nonsensical rants and awful punctuation, and a few weeks back he unfurled his latest insane theory--that his selection of Miguel Batista in the 22nd round was superior to mine, a kid named Jon Lester. How's that workin' out for ya, Old Man? Batista makes a start today against Jeremy Bonderman and the woeful Tigers, and if he throws a no-hitter I'll take it all back. I'm not expecting to take any of it back.

Texas @ Minnesota, 11:10 Continuing our theme of once-nasty pitchers who are now just holding on to their paychecks, this contest gives us Vincente Padilla versus Livan Hernandez. Padilla I'll always remember as the final pitcher in the infamous tied All-Star Game. That's right, Vincente Padilla was once an All-Star! And as for Livan, my lasting recollection of him will forever be the NLCS contest back in 1997 when Eric Gregg gave him a strike zone wider than, well, Eric Gregg. He struck out 15 on that night against the Braves, but at least half of those Ks were on pitches that barely made it inside the batter's box, much less to the black of the plate. I hope Livan sent Gregg a share of his playoff loot.

Kansas City @ Boston, 11:35 The Royals attempt to avoid getting swept (why do I feel like I've written that sentence a few times in the past?) today at Fenway. They send Brian Bannister to the hill, which is a shrewd move. You see, Bannister is a mortal pitcher at night (0-5, 8.13 ERA). But let him out for a little Baseball In The Daytime, and you get a superhuman pitching wolverine with jet-pack turboboosters and laser-beam eye sockets (4-0, 0.62). Joe Posnanski, who's developed an affinity for Bannister that borders on how Michael Jackson feels about fourth-graders, documents every start with his BannyLog. If anyone can get to the bottom of these crazy day-night splits, it's JoePo.

For even more insightful KC-Boston dissection, look no further than this very web site, the occasional home of the absolutely indispensable Roy F. Almania. Roy took us inside Tuesday's matchup, particularly Billy Butler's pivotal at-bat against Jonathan Papelbon. Now during last night's game, NESN's Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy pored over this same at-bat, pointing out the fact that Pap went to a slide piece to finish off Butler--and apparently he never throws that pitch in that situation. It's nice to know that the homespun wisdom of ol' Roy can occasionally trump the city-slicker hot air of the mainstream press. That's baseball--the people's game. Play Ball! Read more

Baseball In The Daytime: 4-30-07

We're back on the day train today, with a respectable slate of six games on tap barring weather shenanigans. Before we get to the schedule, though, I have a couple of items to go over.

It's Fantasy Baseball Week here at the House, and I'll spend a little time breaking down the season so far, in particular the Ted Williams Frozen Head league that all us HoG farmers participate in. In the past I've given Banky a gentle ribbing in this space over some of his management decisions, and that's made him very, very angry. So Bank gets a pass and I'll instead focus on fellow staffer Cecil. His Fort Meast Blood Badgers are, thus far, the Ted's finest team. In fact, he's playing yours truly this week, and I'll regale you with updates--because there's absolutely nothing more thrilling than hearing about somebody else's fantasy team. I'll also analyze the cellar-dwellers, who've assembled two of the worst clubs I've ever seen.

If you missed the HBO special Bob Costas hosted last night, you should attempt to catch the re-air in the next week or two (I had no luck digging up a YouTube clip). Utterly jaw-dropping. I have to get into it later in the day, because it touches on so many nerves--sports, blogs, talk radio, ESPN, angry old dick journalists, the death of newspapers, privileged athletes, privileged sportswriters, Big Daddy Drew, dudes in their moms' basements typing in their underwear. Stay tuned, and enjoy the day games after the jump...

Chicago White Sox @ Minnesota, 11:10 Mountain These two AL Central rivals renew unpleasantries under the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome today. Nick Blackburn starts for the home team, while the visitors turn to Nick Masset for a spot start, the second of his career. It's hot Nick on Nick action. But it's not Nick at Nite, because it's Baseball In The Daytime.

Pittsburgh @ NY Mets, 11:10 The Florida Marlins have led the NL East for the last few weeks, a mirage all of baseball knew would eventually pass. Today may be the day, as the mighty Mets have pulled to within a half-game of the Fish and face another low-payroll outfit. The Pittsburgh Pirates make one of their last appearances at Shea, led by starting pitcher Tom Gorzelanny. His mound foe? None other than Oliver Perez, the ex-Pirate. Awk-ward.

Cincinnati @ St Louis, 11:15 This game at Busch IV (?) features the afternoon's strongest head-to-head pitching duel, Aaron Harang v. Braden Looper. If you worked in a sandwich shop, however, and either Aaron Harang or Braden Looper called in an order, you'd laugh out loud at those names.

Houston @ Arizona, 1:40 Fuck me, Arizona is good. I did not think their young offense could simultaneously catch fire this year, yet they're leading the world in every hitting stat. I knew their pitching would be good, but not this good. Now they call up this kid Max Scherzer, who looks like an unhittable witch doctor out of the pen. I was wrong, the Diamondbacks are right. Greeley native Shawn Chacon gets the unenviable task of pitching to these freaks today, while Unit does the same to the Astros. I hope the ten-run rule is in effect, it may be needed.

Colorado @ San Francisco, 1:45 Meanwhile, the D'Bags opponent in last year's NLCS is doing a nice job of blowing the entire season before the start of May. Franklin Morales was sent down to Colorado Springs yesterday, while his righthanded compliment Ubaldo Jimenez has one start--today--to save his job in the rotation. Jimenez would most likely already be riding a Triple-A bus if he had any options left, as he's walked virtually every batter he's faced this season. You might think a game against the Giants would be good for what ails ya, but at this point San Fran is a better team than Colorado. Ouch. Dirty Jonathan Sanchez hurls for the Giants.

Atlanta @ Washington, 2:35 No one has seen more of the Nationals' new park than the Braves, who are in the midst of their third trip to DC this month. No one, of course, other than the Nationals themselves. And the contractors that built it. And the pigeons that roost there. Those pigeons will today witness a start by Jair Jurrjens, who came to Atlanta in the Edgar Renteria trade last winter. The Nats go with Shawn Hill, who'll make his second start of the season following a stint on the DL. Keep it clean, boys, and Play Ball! Read more

Weekend Royals Wrap

We're now staring week four of unemployment square in the face, which means, come Friday, if my phone ain't ringin', Daddy's got to get out there and take some schlep job. Ugh. That's totally going to ruin my streak of viewed Royals games. It was a good stretch while it lasted, especially, when after suffering through last Saturday's gay blackout rule, I thought I'd stifle the network's efforts to make me miss the game, and, why the hell not, just go to it. Seeing as how this dandy stretch of not working has gone hand in hand with not having an automobile anymore, I was forced to take the bus. Normally, I wouldn't mind. See how much it sucked, however, after the hurdle.

The Royals, having swept Jim Leyland's club to open the season only to then lose two of three to the Twins in the next series, come home to face the Yankees and take two of three again. Who comes in to town next? The damn Twins again. They manhandle us on Friday, a contest that seriously cut into my drinking time, then offer free Billy Butler replica jerseys to the first 20,000 to the stadium for Saturday night's tilt. Well, the bus is never late, right? So, I'm early for the 4:15 connect -- again, I've got drinking to do here, folks -- and, yeah, the bus is almost 20 minutes late. That's cool, though, because we then spend 45 freaking minutes riding around on this thing picking up other jackasses that want to go out to The K in 30-degree weather for this game. Needless to say, no jersey. And, uh, this just in: it's bleeping frigid. I suppose the one highlight would be that, anytime I've attended a game solo, I've gotten a good seat. And I spent a solid inning and-a-half in it. I sat there for nearly two lousy innings, shivering, and decided I had to get up and stay moving, or my ride home would be in a heated ambulance instead of the Metro.

It was at this point that I wandered into the gift shop and took this dazzling photo:



of the jersey I clearly wasn't meant to have. I know. I too thought that hundreds of photo editors of national sports magazines would've been beating my door down by now. Their loss.

Anyway, I continued ambling, stoked about pretty much everything, especially that massive image (at the top of the post) of Twins starting pitcher Boof Bonser on our enormous new scoreboard, who pretty much threw a lights out five innings-plus, and suffered through the remainder of the 2-0 game, the last two innings of which it was snowing. I did wind up hammered at the 3 a.m. bars, so there's that.

Then, Sunday's tilt, which had a 37-degree first pitch, featured Brian Bannister tossing a complete game, Butler going 1-1 with three walks, Alex Gordon hitting his third jack of the year, and all kinds of other cool amenities, proved to be a much nicer game, especially since that wacky sun actually showed face for a spell. Now, the Royals are on the west coast for the week, which means -- boo -- nine o'clock starts, and they'll probably fare relatively well against the Mariners tonight (Zach Greinke vs. Jarrod Washburn) and tomorrow (John Bale vs. Miguel Batista), Los Anaheim Thursday (Gil Meche vs. Jered Weaver) and Friday (Brett Tomko vs. John Garland), then Oakland for three straight (Brian Bannister slated to face Chad Gaudin).

At least there'll be no Boof in my Bonser until late May.
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