Baseball In The Daytime: 31 August 2009

It's always nice to find a little day baseball on a Monday. Especially when you're taking Mondays off to watch your kid. In between the feces and the pureed butternut squash, perhaps there will be some time to sneak in a liter of Jack Daniel's and a furious bout of masturbation a pleasant little interlude of baseball.

So load up the strollers, pacifiers and Huggies and join us after the jump...

Tampa @ Detroit, 11:05 Mountain The Bay-Rays have to look at their opponents today with a serious case of jealousy. While Tampa needs to play virtually perfect ball for six months to have any shot at competing with the Yanks and Red Sox in their division, Detroit can coast for long stretches of the season. At no point have I looked at the Tigers this year and thought "Damn, that's a great team." Yet they've led the AL Central since the end of April and held off limp charges from the Twins and the White Sox without breaking a sweat. Life just ain't fair for the Bay-Rays. They go with Big Game James Shields as they attempt to even this four-game series, while Detroit sends Jarrod Washburn to the mound. Washburn has been lackluster since his acquisition from the Mariners, but it's not like this team's October dreams are pinned to Jarrod Washburn.

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati Let's play another round of The Name Game! I tell you that your starting pitchers today at Great American Ballpark are McCutchen and Wells. You wonder, why is Andrew McCutchen pitching? Ain't he normally a centerfielder with rad hair? Why yes, I say, he is, but the pitching McCutchen is actually Daniel, making his big-league debut today. I know, they look exactly alike. We'll need a program to tell them apart this afternoon.

As for the Reds' starter today, you might wonder of which Wells do I speak? Did Cincy acquire Randy off waivers from the Cubs? Did big fat David emerge from retirement? Has someone seen a Casper? No, no and no. Our lucky Wells is the well(s)-travelled Kip, now with his eighth team in ten years. I'll bet he's got some nice luggage. Stow that Samsonite in the overhead bin and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 12 August 2009

Five games dot our landscape of day baseball this morning and afternoon, and we have teams representing five of the United States and one Canadian province. Break out your atlas and a rosin bag and get ready to head round the world of baseball...

Toronto @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Mountain The Yanks keep bulldozing toward a seemingly inevitable AL East crown, which will buy Joe Girardi at least two weeks of job security. Lose in the first round again, though, and Joe might be toast. A.J. Burnett, today's starter against his former BJ's teammates, holds a major key to the Bombers' postseason puzzle. If he can be an effective No. 2 behind Commander Cheeseburger, start planning a tickertape parade down Broadway. If he acts like A.J. Burnett, though, and the load falls to Joba and Pettite, Girardi may want to hold off on buying Manhattan real estate. Ricky Romero hurls for the visitors.

Oakland @ Baltimore, 11:35 It's very possible that these two clubs will sport two of the finest young staffs in the majors next year. Of course, a big reason for that is because they have zero veterans and they're playing kids that would be normally be in the minors. Oakland's Vin Mazzaro looks like a future ace, but he gets lit up a lot because he's 22. Oriole Jason Berken, a relative graybeard at 25, is not among Baltimore's elite prospects like Chris Tillman, Brian Matusz and David Hernandez, but he still shows big-league potential.

Tampa @ Los Anaheim, 1:35 After their deadline deal to trade their old "Devil" name to the Yankees fell through, the Bay-Rays were able to get the moniker through waivers this week. It's possible that the Angels, in need of some thump for the stretch drive, might deal Tampa a lefty reliever and a player to be named later, because the Los Anaheim Devil-Angels of Costa Mesa is a fucking sweet tag. On the field, these two gangs take up hostilities again this afternoon, after the Halos swept the first two games of this series. Jeff Niemann tries to salvage one for the Bay-Rays, while Trevor Bell becomes the 100th pitcher to start a game for the Angels this season.

NY Mets @ Arizona, 1:40 In an air-conditioned box in downtown Phoenix, two lousy baseball teams will play a baseball game that means absolutely nothing. If no one attends and they forget to turn on the cameras, will it actually happen? Of course it will, there are fantasy implications. Oliver Perez and Jon Garland take the balls from their respective catchers, and if you're counting on either Oliver Perez or Jon Garland for your fantasy baseball hopes today, I'd suggest some strong liquor.

LA Dodgers @ San Francisco, 1:45 The Giants rolled into this series after beating up on some damn good teams, including taking a series from the defending champion Phillies. They'd closed to within four and a half of the Dodgers, who'd lost 10 of 15 and have No. 1 starter Chad Billingsley gimpy and missing today's start.

So what happens? The Dodgers simply fuck the Giants up in the first two games of the series and stand to sweep today. San Fran has very nice pitching, but even with Fat Ichiro and new additions Ryan Garko and Freddy Sanchez their lineup is really, really weak. At least reigning Cy Younger Tim Lincecum starts today, against Weaver. Which Weaver, you ask? Both brothers play in SoCal, they have similar haircuts, and both of their first names start with J. So which one? The bad one. Oh, you mean Jeff. Try to throw strikes, my brother, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: Augus...REACHAROUND!!!

This year has been, sadly, lacking in reacharound action. It's been criminally rare to see a weekend series flip over to Monday, and when it has happened it usually concludes with a God damned night game. Does this make a lick of sense? No. No it does not.

Which is why it's so super rad that today the Royals and the Bay-Rays conclude a four-game stanza of baseball games with a Monday morning special. Try it, search the whole of the Internetworks and find another passage that includes the words "Royals" and "super rad" conjoined near-like. I'll bet you can't.

Kansas City @ Tampa, 10:08 Mountain When clubs play in Tampa, they usually bunk at the Vinoy, a resort just around the corner from Tropicana Field. Legend has it that the Vinoy is haunted, and shitloads of ballplayers have seen them the ghosts. This is a stupid story, and I'm going to stop telling it.

James Shields durn near no-hit the Royals yesterday, but it won't be as easy today. Well, it might be exactly as easy, since starter Scott Kazmir occasionally has no-hit stuff and he'll be facing the same Royals, who are last in the league with a .250 average. It just might be harder for Kazmir to win today, as he faces Zack Greinke, ten times victorious on the season. Of course, Greinke has nary a W since June 28, going 0-3 with two no-decisions over that span despite yielding three or fewer runs every single time. Rock solid this lineup and bullpen ain't. We'll try 'er again today, so Play Ball!

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Deadline Deliberations Deliver Delicious Drama, And Pizza

The non-waiver trading deadline in Major League Baseball passed a couple hours ago, and in contrast to recent years this one actually had some spice. If I have one request of you, the educated House of Georges baseball fan, it's this: be aware that trades will still get made for the next month. Don't be that guy, the one that wonders aloud in a week why the Cubs acquired some dumpy reliever from the Padres. We've been over this.

There was also some news that popped out yesterday, news about a couple of fringe utility guys that may or may not have played for my favorite ballclub, allegedly testing positive in a fake survey test back when steroids were totally legal. I have no idea about any of this, I don't really follow baseball very closely.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE RED SOX? Glad you asked, this team doesn't get nearly the attention lavished upon such large-market juggernauts as the Pittsburgh Pirates and Asheville Tourists. Boston pulled off the deal for the most immediately impactful player, Indians catcher Victor Martinez. After a sluggish '08, V-Mart has rebounded with an All-Star campaign this season (although he's slowed noticeably in the second half).

Martinez will take over nominally from Jason Varitek as the Sox starting catcher, although I doubt he'll don the tools of ignorance more than four times a week. He'll also spell Kevin Youkilis at first and Large Papi (Winstrol-free since 2003!) at DH, as well as providing even more insurance for gimpy Mike Lowell (Youk can slide to third). If that ain't enough versatility for ya, Martinez is also a switch-hitter with power and can recite many Jeff Foxworthy comedy routines. Good guy to have around.

In case you thought Sox GM Theo Epstein was only good for big-boy serious deadline moves, he also provided quite a bit of slapstick over the last few weeks. He designated Julio Lugo for assignment in anticipation of cutting him, except the Cardinals were actively looking for a strikeout-prone shortstop with hands of stone. So Theo shipped Julio to the Lou in exchange for Chris Duncan, who's equally awful only younger and able to get sent down to the farm. Enjoy Pawtucket, Rhode Island. Theo traded a couple of disposable prospects to Pittsburgh for Adam LaRoche, one of the uglier active big-leaguers (even uglier than Duncan and Lugo). Today he capped off this spree with a final swap of LaRoche for Atlanta first-sacker Casey Kotchman, who's closest comparable player is Adam LaRoche.

All in all, not a bad haul, although an actual shortstop would have been nice. I'm ecstatic that Martinez only cost the Sox Justin Masterson and some parts, leaving the franchise's best pitching prospects (Clay Buchholz, Daniel Bard, Michael Bowden and Oil Can Boyd) wearing crimson hosiery.

As for that business from yesterday, I'll leave my comment to Craig Calcaterra, who's not even a Boston fan:

You're not surprised, so please don't pretend you are. The only people who will truly surprise you to be associated with steroids are Derek Jeter, juniors Cal Ripken and Ken Griffey, and dudes like Jason Tyner and whatnot (though guys like him shouldn't surprise you).

You've not been betrayed, so please don't claim to be. You enjoyed the baseball of those years and nothing of value has been taken from you as a result of recent revelations. While it's totally legitimate to be turned off and disappointed and generally depressed about all of this, if your sense of trust has been so violated by all of this steroids business that you actually feel the need to claim "betrayal," you probably need to examine if you're still a fan or not.

And you know this one is going to come up like crazy, so let's be perfectly clear: the Red Sox' championship in 2004 is not tainted. At least no more tainted than the outcome of any other championship won by any other team in at least the past 20 years, not to mention the awards and the regular season games and everything else, so please don't even go there. Baseball had a steroids problem. Not just the Red Sox, not just the Yankees, not just the Orioles, Rangers or A's. As such, to the extent one uses this latest news as a means of singling out the Sox, one is simply showing that they see the entire world through rivalries and not reason.

Now, with that out of the way, you may resume your regularly-scheduled outrage.

ARE THERE ANY TEAMS IN MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL BESIDES THE RED SOX? Not that I'm aware of.

COME ON. WHAT ABOUT THE YANKEES OF NEW YORK CITY? If you insist. Those crazy Bombers got their mitts on utilityman Scott Hairston, who'll share a bench with recently added Eric Hinske.

THE BAY-RAYS WON THE AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST LAST YEAR, DID THEY HELP THEMSELVES AT THE DEADLINE? Tampa tried unsuccessfully to reacquire the "Devil" in their name, thinking it would give them the additional cruelty needed to make a push for the playoffs. Unfortunately, Satan has a full no-trade clause and refused to play on the Gulf Coast of Florida. He'll continue protecting A-Rod in the Yankee lineup.

DID TORONTO EVER TRADE ROY HALLADAY? To say that BJ's GM J.P. Ricciardi overplayed is hand would be a colossal understatement. He asked for a king's ransom for Doc, which is understandable--Halladay is arguably the best pitcher on Earth. But when the bidding war involving the richest teams never materialized (it would have been problematic for Ricciardi to deal within his division to the Red Sox or Yankees anyway), J.P. was unable to land a suitable package from the handful of contenders remaining. The Phillies really wanted him, but they refused to part with all four of their best prospects. The Dodgers, Angels and Rangers also had lines they would not cross.

So Halladay stays put, and Ricciardi is now fucked. He'll be lucky to get half the prospect value this winter when he picks up talks again, and for what? So Halladay can pitch August and September of this season for a team that doesn't want him and fans that don't care? Dumb.

ISN'T THERE ONE MORE TEAM IN THIS DIVISION? Indeed there is, it's the Baltimore Orioles. For a team that once again totally blows, they sure are playing it smart. The O's reaped a fortune in talent when they dealt Miguel Tejada and Erik Bedard a couple years ago, and at this year's deadline they flipped George Sherill (filler from the Mariners in the Bedard deal) to the desperate Dodgers in exchange for a pair of nice prospects. The Baltimore system is loaded with good young arms, the first wave of which was seen Wednesday when Chris Tillman started against the Royals. Catching all those freaks is Matt Weiters, a 6-5 leviathan of a catcher who may someday hit 50 home runs. In a single game. The outfield corners are set for a decade with Adam Jones and Nick Markakis. All they need is a trained assassin to dispatch of Melvin Mora and Aubrey Huff and you've got a scary club on the horizon.

BUT WHAT OF THE REST OF BASEBALL? SURELY MORE ROSTER MOVES WERE MADE TODAY YOU CAN WISE-ASS-I-PHIZE ABOUT?!? Patience, little man. I'll be back with the rest of our deadline happenings soon. Perhaps even by the end of the season, when Midseason Report Cards are due.
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Baseball in the Daytime: A Little Twinny Twin Twin, Fell-a

Welcome back for another installment of the feature you just can't get enough of. I don't blame you. I'd come back, too. There are two, count 'em, two, games on the sandwich board today, and they both look so enticing, that I think I'll go somewhere else to eat. Not far. Just, you know, further than the jump.

Tampa Bay @ Cleveland, 11:05 Central: The fact that Jesus' favorite metropolis kicks today's day baseball slot off today is fascinating. I want nothing but salvation for the fans of professional sports teams that call Cleveland home, but there's something humorous in the way that things are shaping up at the moment. Here's what could quite possibly happen today: Right-handed Jeff Niemann, who's sporting a 4-3 record and a 4.53 E.R.A., goes out and tosses a gem, while Indians starter, lefty David Huff of the 0-1, 17.55 situtation, gets lit the frank up, and pulled from the game. Angrily, he leaves Progressive Field and has 17 shots of Old Crow before running into Brady Quinn at the neighborhood saloon, who then, half-sauced himself, challenges the pitcher to an alley boxing match. Naturally, Quinn loses, and breaks every bone in his throwing hand in the process. These events promptly hit the local news just in time for the Orlando @ Cleveland 7:30 tip, which the Cavs of course lose, and trade LeBron James within a few short weeks. Watch at least the baseball part of this glory unfold on DirecTV 721 or 722, or listen in on XM 176.

Boston @ Minnesota, 12:10: Elsewhere in the Central, some jackass right-hander named Anthony Swarzak takes the hill for the now-second-place Twins. He's 1-0 wit a 0.00 E.R.A. What a dick. Speaking of cocks, Josh Beckett fondles the bag for the visiting Red Sox. This cornhole's been dilly-dallying around all season, barely scraping together four wins, and only recently getting his E.R.A. down to an even five. He's one of many highly toted kids on my fantasy club that've produced a whole lot of awesome in the way of my five-week losing streak, which is just the pinnacle of good times, I tell you. So I say screw the Twins, and screw Josh Beckett, but if you disagree, you can catch them making out facing off on DirecTV 723 or 724, or listen in on the hot man-to-man frames on XM 177.

That's your pair of afternoon baseball today, folks, and believe it or not, it's nearly half of the games taking place for the entire day. Try not to be a slouch like professional baseballers today and get some work done, will ya'?
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Lineup Against the Wall: Tampa Bay REDACTED Rays

The Tampa Bay (Satan, Beelzebub, Old Scratch, Dick Cheney) Rays surprised the living holy hell out of everyone in America last year--well, me, anyway--when they made it all the way to the World Series, where they lost to the Philadelphia Phillies but proved that they actually were a legitimate threat to the power structure of the AL East.

They have some of the finest young talent in the bigs, including a young third baseman who I, probably stupidly, probably extraordinarily stupidly, probably lying-insensate-in-coma-eating-protein-through-tube stupidly, held as my keeper in the fantasy league we HoGsters share--instead of Big Tex, who I'd had for like four years in a row. We'll see how badly that hurts my chances of repeating, but right now it looks like I've done gone and blowed it. Anyway, let's get rollin' after the jump...


The REDACTED Rays have long been a haven for shittiness and laziness, including a late-period Wade Boggs and a disinterested Lou Piniella. They played in front of crowds of dozens, in a "city" with such a strong love of sport that it only recently discovered football was, in fact, played professionally.

But not now. Take a look at this starting lineup:

Catcher -- Dioner Navarro
First Base -- Carlos Pena
Second Base -- Akinori Iwamura
Third Base -- Evan Longoria
Shortstop -- Jason Bartlett
Left Field -- Carl Crawford
Center Field -- B.J. Upton
Right Field -- Matt Joyce
DH -- Pat Burrell

Starting Pitchers:

James Shields (R)
Scott Kazmir (L)
Matt Garza (R)
Andy Sonnanstine (R)
Jeff Niemann (R)

Relief Pitchers:

Dan Wheeler (R)
Jason Isringhausen (R)
Grant Balfour (R)
Joe Nelson (R)
J.P. Howell (L)

Closer:

Troy Percival (R)

Bottom Line: They have, as I said above, a surfeit of young positional talent. There are GMs who would chew their fingers off to get players like Longoria, Pena and Upton. Their pitching staff isn't too shabby either--Shields and Sonnanstine could both take a huge step next year, and there is depth. The bullpen isn't as exciting; Wheeler is a solid vet, Izzy is just old and there is no way on God's Green Planet that Troy Percival has anything left.

Projected Finish: 3d in the AL East
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Philadelphia Phillies, 2008 World Shenanigans Champions

Let's cut through the crap. I had a handful of teams I was rooting for this baseball post-season. I wanted the Brewers, then the Dodgers, and finally the Rays, lots of October 2008 losers. On the other hand, I have a couple of close Philly fans, and I know they've suffered through a lot of non-championship years, so I've always felt for their pain, and I'm happy for them now. But this three and-a-half innings of baseball was complete crap at home. I watched Bud Selig and company's post-rainout presser Monday night, and I thought they did the best they could've in those circumstances. If you call off the game and it doesn't rain, you piss off and inconvenience a ton of people. So the continuation of the game didn't happen last night, causing this thing to linger for 48 hours, and people did a lot of talking about it. And I listened.

I spent some time in the car today and yesterday. All the local and national sports talk guys were talking about two things: one was calling the game off after the Rays tied it in the sixth Monday night gave the Rays the advantage. They're down three games to one, they're down 2-0 when the weather gets ugly, and they manage to scrape together a couple of runs and tie the thing. Selig claimed Monday night that no team would've ever won the game by the beyond-five-innings, rain delay/game over rule that occasionally happens in the regular season. That seemed to miff a lot of folks. Baseball people didn't seem to realize that that rule had been changed a couple of years ago to prevent such an occurrence in the post-season. I think it's a good rule; you don't want a championship determined by a rainout.

Forty-eight hours, though is a lot of time for people to talk, a lot of time for people to read, and a lot of time for people to think. This is what I think:

1) First and foremost, hats off to the Phillies for coming out of the gates swinging, and congratulations to them for winning it all. I don't want to take anything away from them; it's the league and the umpiring that I question.

2) The other thing the talk radios spent much of the past two days talking about was the strike zone in this series, how it changed, and how outright inconsistent it was. I didn't see but half of this series, and the part(s) I did see somewhat resemble those claims.

3) Having said that, I was curious how tonight's game at the plate would be called, simultaneously not altogether convinced that there was some home cooking simmering on the Citizens Bank Park stove. Now, having watched those innings of tonight's game, I am.

4) It is indisputable that the strike zone was dissimilarly called for each club in this evening's contest. In my mind the strike zone has always been above the knees to the bottom of the letters on the chest, and of course, from one side of the plate to the other. Each ump calls his game different than the next, but never have I seen an ump call strikes and balls so differently between the tops and the bottoms of innings in one game. If the pitches delivered to Tampa tonight were low and inside, they were (for the most part) strikes. Low and inside for the Phillies? Balls. Same with the outside corner. Strikes when the Phillies were pitching; balls when the Rays were.

5) By the time the top of the eighth and ninth innings were around, Tampa knew they had to protect the plate, and perhaps swung at some pitches they otherwise wouldn't've. Sure, they answered the bottom-of-the-sixth run with a solo homer, and they put guys on base once or twice to try and counter Philly's fourth run, but they could not. Perhaps the argument ends there: "they could not."

It seems to me, though, that some secret hovering force in the closets of Major League Baseball felt bad for putting Philadelphia in the situation of letting the game get knotted up in the sixth on Monday. It seemed to me that if these fans saw their club lose tonight, and saw the series go back to Florida, it might be tilted in Tampa's favor to really get back in this thing. And finally, it seems to me that there was a bit of a tender heart for the city that has so long suffered a championship drought.

Therefore, I find it no coincidence that the strike zone was a bit McCain for the batting home team, Obama for the visitors. In the end, I wanted Tampa to win because that would mean good things could happen for small-market baseball clubs. Shucks, the fact that the Rays had this much success this year and made it to the Series means good things can happen for small ball. I just expected a more even playing field for most specifically tonight's resumption/conclusion of game five. From what I witnessed, that did not occur.

It was certainly possible that Tampa wins tonight's contest, and go home to the Trop only to get destroyed in game six. Once the bottom of the sixth was underway, however, that possibility faded into the chilly Philly air.

Again, congrats are in order to the Phillies and their fans. Shame, however, should be cast upon tonight's home-plate umpire.
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Friday Fiction Fix: "Children"

I arrived at a neighborhood bar last night when game five of the Red Sox-Rays series was 7-0 Tampa in the seventh inning. After half a beer, my friend Mark showed up, and proceeded to talk. A lot. It didn't bother me, but he must've sensed that it did, because he said, "I know this is an important game. Sorry for talking so much." I told him not to worry, that I wasn't really all that interested, and said, "This game's over anyway." What occurred in the final third of that ball game surprised me -- and likely 100% of all viewers -- beyond belief, Boston of course winning with a walk-off J.D. Drew RBI in the bottom of the ninth. I suppose my sentiment was something of a mix between the largely veteran, defending champions that the Red Sox are, and the Ezra Pound "Make it new" that describes the Rays, and their organization's approach to baseball.

Maybe that's a stretch, but fuck it. It works in that today, that series sits at a 3-2 Tampa lead, and we're ready to talk about, if only briefly, Richard Ford and his short story called "Children." Ford hails from Mississipi, and got his M.F.A. in creative writing from U.C.-Irvine in 1970. He spent considerable time writing sports, then moved to the novel form, with periodic dabbles in short fiction. He won a Pulitzer in 1995 for his novel Independence Day. "Children," however comes from his collection of short stories entitled Rock Springs. The stories in this 1987 publication focus largely on the American West, and have somewhat of a barren, dysfunctional motif running through them in terms of the characters and their various situations. His writing is crisp, honest, and open, much like the land in which the stories take place.

"Children" is a story about two young boys that live near the Canadian border, and for circumstantial reasons, have the ability to frequently skip school. On one such afternoon, they do just that.

"I make this a point only because I have thought possibly it was the place iteself, as much as the time in our lives or our characters, that took part in the small things that happened and made them memorable."



The two boys are instructed to make their way to a motel, where they soon discover the interesting twist that lies ahead in their day.

"Don't cause me any fucking trouble, or I'll break you up," one daunting character says to a less timid one.



Later, several characters pass the time and make conversation, attempting to avoid a lingering sense of awkwardness.

"It is a nice atmosphere, though," one says. "I like to be oriented to the light."



"You can't see light with those glasses," says the other..."Why don't you take (them) off?...I don't see why you have to have them on."

Momentarily, they reminisce about an earlier figure, one responsible for them being where they are.

"(He's) not so terrible...You certainly wouldn't think he'd sit in the dark in the middle of the night and pray in a motel. But he does. He's nice, really. He's pretty big, too."



One guy finds himself reconizing a potenial surprise.



"Uh-oh, now. Uh-oh...Here, now. Here he is...This is the big whitefish."



The story vividly details the contrast between youth and age, as the narrator concludes, "I know that now, thought I didn't know it then.



We were simply young."

Richard Ford continues to publish original work, and occasionally edits collections of American short stories. Rock Springs can be purchased here.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 10-2-08, The Dawn Of The Bay-Ray Century

What if, dear reader, we look back upon today as the start of something entirely new? The onset of a fresh vision in baseball, an era in which all of the old truths become false--black is white, up is down. All of the traditional powers stink--goodbye Yankees, Red Sox, Cardinals, hello Pirates, Royals, Reds. And hello Tampa, the vanguard of this movement.

Today, for the first time in the shit history of the franchise, the Bay-Rays will participate in a playoff game. The team is stocked full of all sorts of fun baseball goodies. They have deep starting pitching, a lights-out bullpen, first-round phenoms at almost every position hitting their collective strides simultaneously. They are young and they are cheap. It's baseball's perfect storm.

I don't know what they'll do this year--baseball is the hardest sport to project because postseason experience has become meaningless. The '02 Angels, the '05 White Sox, both Marlins champs, none of these teams had that core of vets that had been there. Last year's Colorado club was fresh out of baseball kindergarten yet made the Series. Can Tampa run the table this year? Why not?

I only wonder what happens to this team down the road. Can they keep it together? Will they spend money? Will their fair-weather fans put down the meth pipe and attend games? If so, the Bay-Rays are in the midst of a window of opportunity. Take advantage, man. Today's matinee games, after the jump...

Chicago @ Tampa, Game 1, 12:30 Mountain After their roller-coaster week, in which they had to play back-to-back one-game eliminators to qualify, the White Sox hand the bal to Javier Vazquez at the Trop. James Shields represents the home team, as Manager of the Millennium Joe Maddon matches wits with certified psychopath Ozzie Guillen. Don't miss the action on TBS, home of FrankTV.

Milwaukee @ Philadelphia, Game 2, 4:00 The Phils took Game 1 3-1 as actually fuck this--did you see that Cubs game? Holy Christ. Now they send Big Z up against the Dodgers' best pitcher in a must win Game 2 at Wrigley? Wow. If we have to discuss the Brewers game, here's C.C. Sabathia against Brett Myers. One is deserving of the Cy Young for half a season's work, the other beats his wife on the streets of Boston. Don't leave any bruises, and Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: 9-25-08

We've got a duo of light-free baseball on the docket today, and they might be boring games, but to a couple of fan bases out there in America, these contests mean something. Interested in reading our brief dronings about them? Click, my friend. Click into the other side, the alter-world beyond the jump.

Tampa Bay @ Detroit, 12:05 (Eastern): Scott Kazmir, his 12-7 record, and his playoff-bound Rays face Armando Galarraga (12-6) and the Tigers today at Comerica Park. Yes, the Rays are in. No, they have not yet clinched the AL East. Yes, their chances of doing so against a sputtering Tigers club is nice. While the Ray-trailing Red Sox are three games behind, they could gain some ground by knocking off Cleveland and coupling that with a Tiger win. Boston has the pitching edge (Sowers vs. Lester), and home-field advantage as well. The Rays-Tigers game can be viewed on DirecTV 722 or 723, or heard on XM 179.

Arizona @ St.Louis, 1:15: No, things do not look good for the D'bags, and no the pitching match doesn't offer much hope either as 6-8 Doug Davis faces the 6-7 Joel Pineiro. Yes, the Dodgers have clinched a berth, and yes, Arizona still could, too. No, though; their chances look bleak, as they've dropped to an even .500 record, and are three and-a-half back of LA. Yes, DirecTV has this one (724 & 725), and yes, you may listen to it as well on the XMs, 185 to be exact.

Three games left in this 2008 regular season, folks, which means a mere two more possible days of Baseball in the Daytime. Tune in, for old time's sake.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 9-23-08

This regular season really just refuses to die. I love baseball with all of my soul, but Jesus this is unbearable. No one cares. No one.

We have a marginal day game today, a game that has a potential for postseason implications. The Bay-Rays of Tampa have a magic number of five for clinching the Al East. Try and wrap your brain around that one, smart guy. Barring a Mets-like collapse, the FUCKING DEVIL RAYS are going to WIN THE AL EAST.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Joe Maddon should win Manager of the Year. Baseball should then take that award and throw it in the God damned garbage for about a century or so. Retire that shit. It is impossible to imagine any manager for the rest of my life coming remotely close to the job Joe Maddon has done this year. Sure, they've got some great young players--Andrew Friedman has cashed in on his draft picks and built a hell of a roster. And they've been lucky with injuries and the bullpen has coalesced and blah, blah, blah. Joe Maddon is either a god or a demon, but he has otherworldly powers. That much is certain.

Tampa @ Baltimore, 3:05 Mountain Maddon has selected James Shields to start this game. He may have done so via mental telepathy, or he may have used a pen and a lineup card. Shields will face Garrett Olson at Camden Yards, and he'll try to drive one more spike into the chances Boston wins this division. Have a crab cake and Play Ball!
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Midseason Baseball Report: AL East

We're stretching this "Midseason" theme to comical proportions. The current working definitions at the House of Georges World Headquarters:

1. A point equidistant between the beginning of a season and its end.
2. Give or take a month from Definition No. 1
3. Sometime before rosters expand Sept. 1
4. Give or take a month from Definition No. 3
5. On the eve of a Carl Pavano start.

That's right, sports fans, tomorrow marks the season debut of one Carl Anthony Pavano, the Yankees' big free agent catch in 2004. Pavano inked a four-year, $40 million pact and then promptly took the next four years off. For that $40 million in Steinbrenner loot, Carl has contributed 111 innings, 60 strikeouts and five wins. C.C. Sabathia was traded to Milwaukee six weeks ago and has accumulated 73 innings, 69 strikeouts and eight wins in that span.

Pavano is making his third start since June 27--that's June 27, 2005. I'll be throwing a party, if anyone wants to come over. If ever there was an official white flag on a baseball season, the Yankees' decision to hand the ball to Pavano is it. The streak of not missing the playoffs since 1994 is finally, mercifully, magically, over.

So let's talk about the AL East, shall we? Joining us today is old friend Rustoleum, a lifelong Yankees fan and sophisticated baseball connoisseur. You could say he's slightly less excited about Pavano's start than I am. He also employs a literary technique known as sarcasm quite liberally--brace yourself. You can find the AL Central report here, and the AL West version here.

Old No. 7: Let's talk about our favorite division, the one typically dominated by your Yankees and my Red Sox. It's being led by that historically ass-kicking franchise that plays down in...Tampa? What's going on here? Why are the Bay-Rays still getting it done, months and months after we thought they'd fade?

Rustoleum: Tampa has become the A’s and Twins of the Al East. Right now they are just loaded with young studs in all facets of the game. Their pitching has just been superior. I’m sure their tremendous fan support at home plays a huge role as well. I know I always got fired up pitching softball in front of crowds that large… at Lee Martinez park in Fort Collins. Though I thought they would certainly fade due to lack of maturity, but pitching has just been so huge from starters to the pen. It’s certainly not the only case of pitching carrying offense (see D-Backs, Dodgers). Injuries to Longoria, Crawford, and Percy will certainly play a huge roll in where they finish and I’m thinking they still might fall short. But with two number ones in Kazmir and Shields, you’ve always got a chance.

Old No. 7: Meanwhile, the defending champs are just hanging around. They're not winning much (15-13 since the break), but they're still not bad (+117 run differential, 1st in the AL in batting, 6th in ERA). I have my theories, but why do you think the Red Sox have taken a step back?

Rustoleum: Have they really taken a step backwards? Third best record in the AL seems pretty good to me. But if you’re asking why they aren’t the best team in the league, there are two big reasons: Bullpen and Beckett. The bullpen has been an absolute dumpster fire, outside of Paps, and it certainly doesn’t help when starting pitching has been going only 3 innings. I heard Alex Cora was warming up the other night, I’m sure he has electric stuff. It seems like teams have gotten used to Oki-doki, who was huge last year, and Timlin is lights out regularly.

Beckett just hasn’t been as sharp as he was last year, I’m sure in part to a little hangover from last year. But there is only one October, and when the lights are bright the Sox will be the toughest out of the playoffs. At least it’s not 2006, remember the five game sweep?

Old No. 7: I have no idea what you're talking about, I'm still hung over from celebrating two titles this decade. Now let's get to your boys in the Bronx. Hank Steinbrenner conceded the season last week, and you're double-digit games behind the young Bay-Rays. Sidney Ponson is an effective part of your rotation, Richie Sexson was on the roster until just a few days ago, and best of all your scheduled starter for Saturday is Carl Pavano. Let's hear your thoughts.

Rustoleum: I’d like to use this time to talk about my fantasy baseball team. I have very few Yankees, which is a big plus. I do have Mariano, who’s a Hall of Famer, and Johnny Damon is having his best offensive year since coming over from the Evil Empire. I love that he’s moving back to center, his gun is one of the most feared in baseball. Did I mention my fantasy team was in first place and I’m gunning for my fourth title in five years? The Bronx did host the All-Star Game this year and I hear we’re the favorites to Get C.C. Sabathia next year. Remember when the Yankees were unwilling to part with Melky, Phil Hughes, and Ian Kennedy to get Johan? Those three play a lot right now and last I heard the Mets were in first. The Yankees are old and might be in a lot of trouble for years to come.

Old No. 7: I hate Canada, but the Blue Jays are quietly turning in another quietly decent season. Who are we kidding? They suck. They have a big payroll, because their owner is heavily involved in both whiskey distilling and the trafficking of sex slaves from Laos. Why can't the Jays get over these days?

Rustoleum: Remember when we used to do shots of whiskey when I would strike someone out in softball and talk about Brenda’s obsession with ladyboys from Laos? Those were the days. I heard Toronto was considering moving to Montreal and having the team learn French. I just don’t like the Jays, their problems mainly revolve around a lack of pitching and a lack of offense. The Jays need to take a page from the Rays, build from within and stop overpaying for douchebags like B.J. Ryan, David Eckstein, and Lyle Overbay.

Old No. 7: More importantly, are Roy Halladay and Vernon Wells traitors to their native United States for signing contract extensions in Toronto?

Rustoleum: They really aren’t traitors, they just like the health care benefits. Wells knows first hand, he’s spent more time on the DL recently than he’s spent active. The Jays were wise to lock up Halladay, Wells maybe not so much. The Jays have solid prospects coming along, such as Adam Lind and David Purcey. They can get there, but like the Yankees, you have to do it from within.

Old No. 7: Finally, we get to Baltimore. Both you and I have mined the Orioles all season for fantasy players on hot streaks--we're currently profiting from Melvin Mora and Jeremy Guthrie. Other than stat-whore goodies, what's the point of the Orioles these days? When will they turn it around?

Rustoleum: I really like the direction the Orioles are heading. I think the Bedard and Tejada trades stole awesome prospect that have already contributed like Adam Jones and Luke Scott. They have decent pitching coming up, like Garrett Olson and Radhames Liz, to complement Guthrie. This is a team that could really benefit by overpaying for a pitcher like C.C. and dumping awful Daniel Cabrera. That guy is among the worst pitchers on earth. They’ll get Chris Ray back to solidify the bullpen. If they hold on to Brian Roberts, the rest of the division should watch out.

Old No. 7: I know you've been watching a little bit of the Olympics. Are you as impressed as I am with the men's trampoline event and Chinese champion Dong Dong? Beyond Dong's prodigious feats of bounce, what are your impressions of Canadian female trampoliner Karen Cockburn? She can be a little rough on the ascent but she's smooth coming back down.

Rustoleum: I think the best part about the Olympics are the obscure sports. Fuck basketball and track, give me team handball, badminton, archery, and especially trampoline. There’s nothing like watching a bunch of washed up gymnasts make one more run at Olympic glory. Who hasn’t thought about their Dong-Dong bouncing up and down until the Cockburns? I know Banky had that problem last year. What I want to know is why the announcers for NBC have changed the name of shuttlecock to just shuttle for badminton? Are the scared to say cock? Would they just say Karen Burn or Karen Privatepartsburn? Adam Jones will always be Pacman, I’ll always call Isiaih Rider J.R., and it will always be the shuttlecock.
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Baseball in the Daytime: 7-30-08

The theme of today's BitD feature is "home is where the heart is," or something quite trite like that. There's some day games happening, and they all have a comforting little scent of home about them. We'll examine a few kids stepping into the spotlight on semi-familiaresque soil, and a couple of squads that used to inhabit the same municipality, but, uh, one grew up and moved away; the other stayed put. Believe me, it's good, heartfelt times. Tune in below the jump for the details.

Rays @ Jays, 11:37: Our first contest is an AL East matchup, and it happens north of the border this fine pre-noon, or morning as some folks call it. First place Tampa Bay pays third place Toronto a visit for the early go; Edwin Jackson and Scott Richmond tangle in this test of righties. The visiting Jackson takes the mound with a 6-7 record, while the home starter is actually at home (sort of) starting his major-league career. Translation: it's his debut, and he's Canadian, meaning he grew up watching/rooting for the Jays. Glorious. Apparently, the DirecTVs and the XMs don't care about heartfelt, warm-and-fuzzy Canadian stories, 'cause they ain't carrying the game. So I guess you'll have to shell out some dollars to mlbtv.com, or whatever.

O's @ Yanks, 12:05: In a handful of clock ticks, there'll be more AL East action, this time it'll consist of the New York and Baltimore clubs. Thrilling. Let's see, the Yankees have lost three straight, but they'll send their newest beloved douche bag, Joba Chamberlain, to the hill. He'll encounter Dennis Sarfate, who -- you can't make this stuff up -- is from Queens, and this is his first start at Yankees Stadium. Isn't that swell? Either way, he brings a 4-1 record in to the soon-to-be-dynamited ball park, and his O's have won three straight. They'll be hungry for a fourth as it would give them a sweep of the 'Stripes. Chamberlain enters the dual at 3-3, with a 2.30 E.R.A., which ain't too shabby. I hear that's pretty good for a third-place team with a $220 million payroll. Your DirecTV O's feed is on 722, your Yanks one digit higher. Listening on XM? That's a 176er.

Modern KC @ Historic KC, 2:35: A couple hours after those East Coast ball games are underway, there's an afternoon tilt on the Pacific side, and it features the Kansas City Royals, who look to redeem the sweep broomed upon them by the Oakland A's in mid-April. Now, the Royals never called Oakland home, but the A's used to call Kansas City home, and it's a getaway day, which sends the Royals -- mmm-hmm -- home after the contest. Anyway, Monday night, Zack Greinke went seven innings and logged 11 Ks, as the visiting team netted the W, and Gil Meche delivered equal inningage and 8 Ks of his own last night for the second Royal win. Today it's Brian Bannister and Sean Gallagher. While Greinke and Meche evened their records at .500 this week, Banny will need more than a win today (7-9) to do the same to his. Gallagher comes in at the 4-4 mark, and his club has their work cut out for them if they intend to leapfrog Texas and try to chase the Angels. Catch this one on XM 182. That's why I be like: F**k DTV.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 7-9-08

It's my anniversary, so I'd like to tell my lovely wife who's not reading this that she rocks. If you have an unopened bottle of that Pinot Noir we gave out to our wedding party three years back, today's the day to crack that shit. It is not good wine, it was made in a jug by me, and it will not improve with age. Get it in your gut before it turns into sewage.

Speaking of big days, we've had a couple consecutive ones in the National League Central. After Milwaukee obtained the reigning AL CY Younger on Monday, Chicago nabbed a pretty nice compliment to Big Z yesterday. Rumor has it the Cardinals are furiously working a deal for the memory of Joaquin Andujar. Or at least Jeff Weaver--hey, it worked last time.

For the record, I dig the effort. Trades are fun, even if these blockbustery in-season deals for starting pitching almost never pan out. After the jump, a more exhaustive rundown of the trades, including bonus criticism and mocking of the Kansas City Royals for no reason at all. And of course we'll preview today's afternoon menu, which features a generous helping of AL East finger food.

First, Harden. This to me is a luxury deal. The Cubs already have an bona fide ace in Carlos Zambrano and an All-Star in Ryan Dempster. The rest of the rotation--Ted Lilly, Jason Marquis and Sean Marshall--is competent, and upgrading from Marshall to Harden is huge. Like trading in a pair of roller skates for a Ferrari.

If you've ever owned a Ferrari, though, you know they spend a lot of time in the shop. This may or may not be true, I actually just made it up. Ferraris may be extremely reliable. Check your J.D. Power surveys for long-term quality trends. What I'm trying to get at with this tortured metaphor is that Rich Harden has made Mark Prior look durable over the course of his career. So that shiny bauble may tarnish quickly, Cub fans.

I actually like the addition of Chad Gaudin to the already stout Chicago bullpen, and the losses are manageable: Matt Murton, Eric Patterson and some B-grade prospect. The reason this particular trade happened is Sean Gallagher, a nice young pitcher that will help the A's out immediately. Billy Beane is, of course, the master at his craft. In dealing away Dan Haren last December, he added starters Dana Eveland and Greg Smith in addition to possible star outfielder Carlos Gonzalez. And Haren himself came over in the deal that gave the Cards Mark Mulder. Billy Beane almost always "wins" his trades, but they're never extremely one-sided because he's dealing away quality players like Harden.

As for the Brewers, I think it's a home run. And this is where the Royals come in. Four years ago, just four years, Kansas City posted a 58-104 record. That's lousy, but take a look at the same marks of some other longtime sad sacks: Arizona 51-111, Tampa 70-91, Cincinnati 76-86, Colorado 68-94, Milwaukee 67-94.

Now note the upswing that all of those other teams have made. The Rockies, even though they've regressed this season, won the NL pennant in '07. To grab that flag they beat the Diamondbacks, who are in first place this season. The Bay-Rays are merely leading both the Red Sox and Yankees in the toughest and most expensive division in baseball. The Reds and the Brewers, while lagging a bit in the standings, are set for years to come with top young players at the major league, Triple- and Double-A levels.

How? Intelligent drafting and player development. All of these organizations implemented a system that capitalized on the high draft picks they received. All traded away aging assets for prospects that have actually panned out. And all have recognized that for all of its financial disparity, baseball has actually implemented one of the most socialistically progressive agendas for crappy teams in all the major sports. Revenue sharing has put real money in the pockets of small-market clubs, and the compensatory-pick system has loaded the draft classes of teams that lose free agents.

Look at what the draft has become. Following the losing '04 season, these teams took future stars Justin Upton (Arizona), Jay Bruce (Cincinnati), Ryan Braun (Milwaukee) and Troy Tulowitzki (Colorado). KC nabbed Alex Gordon with the second pick in that draft, a huge departure from the typical Allard Baird whiff-job in which he tanked high picks because the team was so cheap with signing bonuses. And Gordon is good, no doubt. Some day he may even be great. But it is inexcusable that years of drafting in the top ten have yielded but one potential All-Star, especially when these other losers have become absolutely loaded with studs.

Going back to the Milwaukee trade for Sabathia, it's almost embarrassing. They gave up a promising slugger in Matt LaPorta, a former No. 7 overall pick, to essentially rent C.C. for a few months. They may re-sign him, sure, but that's beside the point. If he skates, the Brewers will receive the first-round pick of whichever team signs him (say the Yankees in the mid-20s) plus a compensatory sandwich pick between the first and second rounds. Add to that the probability of Ben Sheets going elsewhere as well--another No. 1 and another sandwich. So the Brew Crew could have five of the first 35 picks in the 2009 Draft.

On top of that, their farm system is already loaded. They have 3B Mat Gamel and SS Alcides Escobar ripping up Double-A and lots of promising pitchers at the A level. They could trade disgruntled 1B Prince Fielder in the offseason for immediate rotation help should the lose Sabathia and/or Sheets. But these are all long-term concerns. The key point is that the Milwaukee Brewers, written off as a hopeless, small-market, low-payroll, incompetent shitbag team just a few years ago, just pulled off a huge trade and stand poised as legitimate World Series contenders. Amazing.

So when I belittle the Royals, it's not just to tweak Chiefs fans. Well, that's not the only reason. I bag on the Royals because the old excuses for their lack of success simply do not apply any more. They should be better, much better than they are. By continually sucking, they add credence to the outdated notion that small-market teams can't comepete. That's simply not true anymore. There's more than one way to skin a cat, and there's more than one way to win at big league baseball. If you don't have the revenue streams the Yankees, Sox, Cubs, Dodgers and Angels do, baseball gives you money. If you don't sign the big free agents those teams do, baseball gives you draft picks to get your own players. It's like the teacher is giving you a cheat sheet before the test. All you have to do is take it.

OK, enough about these mighty orphans. Let's get to the soulless corporate powerhouses that ruin baseball:

Minnesota @ Boston, 11:05 Mountain It was a very, very strange situation I found myself in last night, actually pulling for the New York Yankees. I left my house with the Red Sox losing 3-1 and the Yanks up 2-0 on the first place Bay-Rays. I heard Manny's triumphant eighth inning homer on the radio, and then switched over to see if the Yanks could hold on and get Boston a game closer to first. Weird, weird stuff. Today the Twins send Livan Hernandez to the Fenway mound against Josh Beckett. Both these guys won World Series for the Florida Marlins, a fact that no Marlins fans will bring up. Because, you see, there are no Marlins fans, and...oh never mind.

Tampa @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Hey, let's hear it for my new favorite team! The Yanks try for the sweep of this little two-game set today at the Stadium, and they do so by sending Sir Sidney Ponson into battle. The Bay-Rays counter with Edwin Jackson and I just can't believe the Yankees and their $200 million payroll have Sidney Ponson on their roster. Wow. I mean, wow.

Florida @ San Diego, 1:35 Those nonexistent Marlins fans will not tune their imaginary TVs in this afternoon to a game at Petco Park. In that game they won't watch Scott Olsen pitch against Cha Seung Baek. They won't have a weird feeling about Baek, and they won't think "Hey, wasn't he on the Mariners?" And then they won't go to the Googles to not discover that Baek was in fact traded from Seattle to San Diego on May 29. So all of you zero Marlins fans, Don't Play Ball! The rest of you, you know what to do.

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Baseball in the Daytime: 7-07-08

Normally, this gig is Old No. 7's. On occasion, Cecil or I will fill in for Seven if his boss is crackin' the proverbial whip a bit too hard, but this is his turf, and I'm blatantly invading it today. I've good reason, though. As I mentioned here, I'm certain that at this very moment, he's frantically putting together an All-Star post. And truth be told, his arthritis can't handle the keyboard work necessary for two posts in one 24-hour period, so just call me the giving tree. On a random note, how freaking bad ass was/is Shel Silverstein? I can't think of any author/illustrator that influenced my young reader mind more than he did. Anyway, I'm also helping out Seven because there's only one contest on tap today, and it features two clubs that don't interest him. See what I mean after the jizzy.

Kansas City @ Tampa Bay, 11:40 a.m.: Okay, I lied. They, if only today, interest Seven in that a Royals win would help his Red Sox narrow the gap between them and the first-place Rays. Thus today, your usual BitD author actually roots for his whipping boy. Never in the annals of written baseball coverage history has one man so frequently ridiculed one club. The countless knee-slappers likening the Royals to a non-big-league squad, the piles of jokes about how their games count slightly less than all of the MLB others, the hilarious assertions that they should move to the minors, or sign Barry Bonds, or whatever the flavor of the day is, never, ever, gets old.

Therefore, allow me to tell you that at the aforementioned Central time, Gil Meche and his Kansas City Royals take the field at the Trop for one last chance to nab a victory from the Rays. In a match of righties, Meche battles Matt Garza who brings seven victories and a 3.47 ERA to the mound, while number 55 has one less win, one and-a-quarter points more to his ERA, but a 24-count edge in the strikeout department. Meche has been historically bad against the Rays, and that was when they were terrible. Garza is coming off a solid performance against the Red Sox, which was after his first ever complete game.

While today's lone reacharound match doesn't hold tremendous weight regarding the season-ending standings, its common element for both clubs is time. For the Royals, time is running out for them to fulfill my year-old prediction of threatening to play .500 ball. Now, they're in a better spot this year than they were nearing last year's All-Star break, but no longer can they afford to ruin hard-earned wins like the two they fought tooth and nail for in the Baltimore series by getting dominated in games like the first and the third of this series with Tampa Bay. For the Rays, they've got nothing but time working for them, and in their favor. Their rotation has been pretty solid, and their bats only seem to keep getting hotter. If they can build on their five-game edge over the Sox, and the Yankees continue to play mediocre ball, the East will almost effortlessly be theirs.

Anyway, those listening from work in the KC area can tune in to 610 on the AM dial, while Tampa-St. Pete residents can crank the knob to either 1250 or 680. Satelliters can zero in on the 178 frequency on the XMs. That's if for this morning. Get out there and kick some devilless ass, Royals!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 6-11-08

I'll keep this one brief. There are a lot of basebally things I'd like to get to later today, including more about the hairy gap-toothed caveman you see down the page and a modest proposal to save the entire fucking sport. Stay tuned.

For now, though, please take in the pair of games on today's agenda as well as an update on the contest America can't get enough of: Bankmeister v. Old No. 7 in head to head fantasy baseball...

Seattle @ Toronto, 10:37 Mountain I'm not going to go on another tirade over Canadia's weird start times and further desecration of America's national game. My feelings are well known. Let's just say that on the carpet of the Rogers Center today you'll see a couple pretty fine starting pitchers. Shaun Marcum goes for the home whites, and is quietly assembling a tremendous year--2.52 ERA and 0.97 WHIP thus far. His opponent in road grays no longer goes by King Felix very often, but Hernandez is still capable of dominating--witness his 3.07 ERA. What's troubling to me is that he's only striking out 7.5 per nine, a dandy number for most pitchers but pedestrian when you see his effortless heat and knee-buckling junk.

Tampa @ Los Anaheim, 1:35 Heading out to the West Coast, the pitching gets even better. Today's matinee in Orange County sees John Lackey host Scott Kazmir in a tussle of staff aces. Both these teams hoard speed, and both subscribe to the Mike Scoscia school of using it--Bay-Rays skipper Joe Maddon was once Scoscia's bench coach. Watch those basepaths turn into a track meet.

The Alex Gordon Experiment Express v. Making Noises For Moises Banky's been asking for a breakdown of this dustup all week, and I'm more than happy to oblige. At press time my Moises squad held an 11-3 edge in this 7x7 format. Sure, it's early in the week, but few knowledgeable observers see much changing here. I send five, count 'em, five starters to the hill today, which could potentially give me the edge in my three weak categories: strikeouts, ERA and on-base-against. My offense is coming around lately, and the recent returns of Vernon Wells and Matt Holliday from injury will only add to Bank's woes.

On the plus side, Bank did trade Roy Oswalt earlier in the season for a bag of peanuts and a few spare Vespa parts, and Roy turned in a nice 10-K, 1 ER gem last night. Good times, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 6-5-08

Back with a vengeance, this is Baseball In The Daytime. Where we examine the games of the afternoon, when normal people are at work and you and I sneak beer into paper bags.

Today's highlights include the 2008 big-league debut of a once-heralded prospect, the return from crotchital problems of a dude on Banky's fantasy team, and a distinct AL East flavor. The Bombers are in action, the Orioles too, and we conclude the series between the top two teams in the division.

Toronto @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Mountain Dustin McGowan has been one of this season's breakout players, emerging from the back end of the Blue Jays' rotation as one of the AL's better starters. While his record is only 4-4, that's more a result of the Jays' anemic offense. He's really had only one lousy start, a 9-run affair in Cleveland back in May. The month of Way was also unkind to Yankee starter Wang40--he posted an ERA in excess of five and his only two losses of the year. Both try to kick off their Junes in a better way, today at the Stadium.

Cincinnati @ Philadelphia, 11:05 Back in the Show. Baseball's real-life Nook LaLoosh, Homer Bailey, he of the million-dollar arm and ten-cent head, pops up for the Reds today. Once known as the finest pitching prospect in the game, Bailey stumbled through a rough 2007 campaign before falling behind both Edinson Volquez and Johnny Cueto in the organizational pecking order. But it's all about the kids in Cincinnati, what with Jay Bruce mania taking over the city and no one making eye contact with Old Man Griffey. Cole Hamels, a long-haired whiz kid himself, takes the mound for the home team.

Baltimore @ Minnesota, 11:10 At the start of the season, I ran every pitcher in the majors through a series of sophisticated statistical metrics. I wanted to identify undervalued arms for my fantasy draft. My Commodore 64 spit out the usual suspects such as Peavy, Santana and Beckett, but also a handful of hidden gems, like Scott Baker. So I drafted Baker, squeezed a few thoroughly ordinary starts out of him, and all was well.

I hit a bit of a roster crunch in April, though, and needed a sub. I dropped Baker, thinking he was still unknown enough that I could sneak him through waivers and reobtain him later. But then Banky swooped in and grabbed him. Several attempts to trade for him were unsuccessful, and only hardened Bank's resolve. It's as though Scott Baker, he of the 19 career wins and 4.65 lifetime ERA, is the centerpiece of his entire pitching strategery. He's been out a month now with a groin, but returns today to surely lead the Alex Gordon Express to championships aplenty. Garrett Olson gets the nod for the O's.

Tampa @ Boston, 4:05 This oddly-timed afternoon getwaway represents an opportunity for the Sox to sweep and expand their new lead in the East. It's tough running with the big boys, as the upstarts from the Gulf Coast are finding out. Today the Bay-Rays assign mighty James Shields the task of avoiding Boston bats, while Jon Lester gets a similar chore for the white shirts.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 5-28-08

As we're now into the semi-official, post-Memorial Day summer phase of the baseball season, the temperature is starting to rise. For Willie Randolph in Queens, it's hotter than Hades already. On tap today are a pair of games, one played outside in the heat and the bugs, one inside next to a fish tank.

So throw on a little Coppertone, knock back a few hydrating beverages and enjoy some Baseball In The Daytime...

Chicago White Sox @ Cleveland, 10:05 Mountain There's always a little controversy brewing in Ozzie Guillen's clubhouse, and this latest one is more than a little queer. That's queer as in odd, but if you want to attribute a few homo qualities to it that's your business. I don't judge.

Shortstop Orlando Cabrera, who I've been a huge, huge fan of since he helped the Red Sox win a championship in 2004, was dealt to the Pale Hose in the offseason. He's off to an awful start, although since Ozzie inserted him in the leadoff spot his numbers have improved. It's his defensive stats, however, that are currently at issue. Seems OC has taken to calling official scorekeepers and lobbying for errors to be overturned. I'm sure that goes over well with the pitchers playing in front of him, as earned runs are being added to their stats after the fact. Today that skeptical hurler will be Gavin Floyd, while Jake Westbrook comes off the DL to throw for the Tribe.

Texas @ Tampa, 10:40 Josh Hamilton has 58 RBI on the season. It is May 28 and that is not a misprint. Hamilton, who like Cabrera was obtained in exchange for pitching over the winter, has absolutely lit up the American League, which was the initial intent of the then-Devil Rays when they made him the No. 1 pick of the 1999 Draft. He then infamously developed a love affair with various white powders before discovering Jesus and a newfound ability to annihilate baseballs. Trying to slow him today will be Bay-Ray Matt Garza (yet another offseason tradee), who'll share the hill with Ranger Kason Gabbard. Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 5-21-08

In the bigs, teams play in one of three kinds of parks. You've got your old classics, your Fenways and Wrigleys, and I include the revitalized yards in LA and Los Anaheim here. You've got your shiny new facilities. And then you've got those dumps that make the fans stay away.

Two day games take place in the majors today. One, at shiny and relatively new Coors Field, features a couple clubs that enjoy acclaimed home stadia. The other, coming at you from the Al Davis Creepatorium, will showcase two teams looking for new digs. After the jump, all the basebally architecture you can handle...

San Francisco @ Colorado, 1:05 Mountain If the Rockies were a dog on a farm, they'd have been taken out back and shot by now. It seems incredible that a team which enjoyed so much success last year is playing out the string before Memorial Day, yet here we are. If I can offer my brainy expert analysis as to why this club is awful, it would be this: they suck at every aspect of the game of baseball. They don't hit, especially in late, close or clutch situations. They don't get anybody out, either with their pitching or their defense. And I'm pretty sure that Clint Hurdle has had a tanning bed installed in the dugout. Today the Dominican Walk Machine, Ubaldo Jimenez, tries to avoid any further embarrassment for this franchise. His doppelganger is Jonathan Sanchez of the Giants, who's dirty.

Tampa @ Oakland, 1:35 This one's a rematch of Super Bowl XXXVII, only with a smaller ball, fewer pads and Frank Thomas playing the role of Warren Sapp. Both the Bay-Rays and the A's sit in second place these days, after briefly inhabiting the top spot of their respective divisions. They were also the only two teams to sport green unis, until Tampa bitched out, ditched the "Devil" and bought some new born-again threads. Today's starters are Dana Eveland and Andy Sonnanstine, a pair that sounds as if they'll be applying for a civil union at the Alameda County Courthouse following the game.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 5-1-08

We span the majors under the sunshine again today, with four games played on grass fields and the lightswitches set to "off." On tap are a surprising showdown for first in the AL East, a Lake Michigan grudge match in the NL Central, a Japanese rookie and an honest-to-goodness fat knight.

After the game previews, We'll also dissect the strength of Cecil's fantasy baseball team and why he's kicking the shit out of me this week. So advance past first and smoke 'em if you got 'em...

LA Dodgers @ Florida, 10:10 Mountain I watched quite a bit of the Dodgers-Marlins game last night (please don't ask me why) and I noticed that while very empty, Dolphins Stadium was not quite as barren as usual. Have these still-barely-first-place Fish captured the hearts of South Florida? Or have years of training in Vero Beach left a core of local Dodger fans? We may never know. Don't expect attendance records today, what with the early getaway start time and Burke Badenhop on the mound (Hiroki Kuroda goes for the Dodgers).

Tampa @ Baltimore, 10:35 Baseball is all abuzz with the ascendancy of the Bay Rays, and with good reason. This team has never been relevant in any fashion. The '08 version has the requisite young position player talent, including future All-Star Evan Longoria. But the big difference has been in the pitching staff--the rotation has been solid and the pen spectacular, and ace Scott Kazmir has yet to throw a pitch in anger (he'll come off the DL this weekend). Matt Garza, obtained from Minnesota in the Delmon Young trade, seeks a win today, a win that will be contested by Brian Burres of the O's.

Kansas City @ Texas, 12:05 The wheels have come off in KC, and all we're waiting for is the annual Posnanski column signaling the end of the Royals' season. On the plus side, that piece has normally already run by now--improvement! The odds are good we can wait another day for the Poz obituary, as Sir Sidney Ponson, the Rangers' obese Aruban gas can, gets the nod this afternoon. Opposing His Royal Highness is your Royal starter Zach Grienke.

Milwaukee @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Finally, at the Friendly Confines, we wrap up the series between the Cubs and the Brewers. While well-paid monster starter Carlos Zambrano (Big Z, in the parlance of the times) represents the North Side nine, Milwaukee turns to young Yovani Gallardo. Gallardo has pitched well this season (0.64 ERA in two outings), yet his teammates with bats tend to hang him out to dry (1 run of support in said outings).

Fantasy Update Gallardo and Greinke are also starting today for the Fort Meast Blood Badgers, the fantasy baseball team of your favorite writer and mine, Cecil. I'm somewhat less of a Cecil fan this week, as his Badgers are absolutely devouring Making Noises for Moises--my club. Cecil's boys are leading this head-to-head league with a stellar .705 winning percentage, and it's not hard to see why. It's the sticks.

Fort Meast leads the Ted Williams Frozen Head league in runs scored, homers, batting average and OPS--even after trading slugger Pat Burrell to me. Now while many of his hot starters most likely won't last (Nate McClouth, Carlos Quentin, Geovany Soto), his high picks have failed to bust (Brian Roberts, Aramis Ramirez, Carl Crawford). Cecil leads the league in free agent transactions and has effectively rounded out his roster with gems like Erick Aybar, but it was his low-round picks of Conor Jackson and Longoria that have paid off the most. Asshole.

The pitching staff is impressive, just not as dominant. The big score is Ervin Santana, who ran his record to 5-0 last night. While the bullpen has not put up huge numbers, it should improve with Joba Chamberlain, Doug Brocail and Scott Downs (holds count in this league, so middle relievers are valuable).

Cecil has never made the playoffs in the Ted, which is celebrating its fifth anniversary. He's a serious threat this time around, with a good draft and a tremendous amount of hustle and research. Is he ready to take the next step? It's a long haul, but all you can do is hit the yard everyday and Play Ball!
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