Showing posts with label Saturday Studmuffins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Saturday Studmuffins. Show all posts

Saturday, August 21, 2010

A Saturday Studmuffins/Fatlock Follies Sandwich; or A Token Response to "The Explanation"

Conflicted is the word to start this post. Conflicted is how I feel regarding Jason Whitlock leaving The Kansas City Star after some 16 years of sports-column contributions. Conflicted is how I feel about the upcoming Kansas City Chiefs football season that will, for the first time in my adult life, lack a Monday morning Whitlock take on Sunday's Chiefs performance. Conflict has been a notion that, in some form or another, has shadowed Whitlock's places of employment since the sporting world, and its publications, took note of who this writer is and how he carries himself. And his Star denouement has been ensconced by -- you guessed it -- conflict.

Whitlock's last column to appear in the Star was published almost three months ago. Four days ago, the Star ran this bit saying the newspaper and the columnist was "leaving the paper to pursue other interests." Earlier in the week, Whitlock, via his Twitter page, announced to the world that he would be appearing on KCSP 610 AM yesterday to proffer what he dubbed The Explanation.

If you're not interested in listening to the podcast (Editor's Note: One friend called it "radio gold" and mentioned that the interview was temporarily cut off "after he said (the) Star editor got drunk in River Market and was kissing on another male employee's neck in front of staff." Naturally, these portions are not in the podcast), hosted by What's Wrong with Ding Dong, Kansas City SB Nation put together a handy summary of the broadcast, and before we go any further, it's worth noting that Whitlock has been given a healthy raise as a FOXSports columnist.

But back to this notion of conflict. Big Matt from Arrowhead Addict touches on a small segment of what I'm saying regarding the columnist/persona paradox that is Jason Whitlock. And I say paradox because Whitlock's role in the sports world has never, in my observations, been single-fold. What I mean by that is this: If you're a columnist, being paid for your printed words and opinions of the sports world, then those words should do your talking for you. When you become a persona, be it attached or removed from your paid-for services, you begin, in varying degrees to dilute the product of your craft. That is, when you, as an artist, forge a relationship with your audience, you are, in my estimation, permanently challenged to uphold a multitude of expectations.

Your fans want the product delivered with consistency and greatness, and to quote the old Speed Stick commercials, "anything less would be uncivilized." With zero interest in bashing -- in at least this very moment -- either Whitlock the journalist or Whitlock the person, I'll go out on a limb and say that, often, he fell short in both criteria. Now, before you send smoke signals out to the lynch mob, understand that I, on many, many occasions, have had tremendous respect and admiration for the work that Whitlock has done and the message(s) he has attempted to convey.

My family has subsribed to the Star for as long as I can remember, and I have had my own subscription since the week I moved back to town 10 years ago. I have, on exactly zero occasions, looked forward to a piece of the paper with more fervor than Whitlock's Monday morning Chiefs column. This, of course, has come with heavy doses of conflict for me the subscriber, reader, and admirer of great writing. I make no secrets of my admiration for former Star sports columnist Joe Posnanski. For the duration in which Pos' and Whit' both penned sports for the Star, the former was always my favorite. He finds the hook in a story and threads it effortlessly into the gills of the reader, and for that, he will always be one of my literary heroes. He also, were it by design or not, assumed the role of the good guy in the Posnanski/Whitlock good guy/bad guy dichotomy. In movies, stories, and even on the TVs, I always root for the good guy. It's just how I'm wired.

My issue with Posnanski, though, was that he seldom covered the Chiefs. That was Whitlock's bag, and that's what I wanted in my paper. So I read him.

As a sports fan, and more specifically, a sports fan in a town where the professional baseball and football teams appear, over periods of time, destined to achieve new and inventive plateaus of terrible, a fan such as myself does not, for the most part, take well to criticisms of the organizations. At least I didn't used to. More plainly, the feeling was always a mix of "It's easy to be an armchair GM/You're not playing/Give them a break -- They're trying/Quit being Mr. Negative." So my appreciation for Whitlock's angles, for some time, was under-developed to say the least.

As his interesting relationship with former Chiefs GM Carl Peterson became something of a soap-opera affair, I began to appreciate it more, and when Peterson hired Herman Edwards, I began to grasp the reality that embodied the idea of the game having passed by Carl Peterson. With nary a slice of ironicality, I began to understand and appreciate the watchdog type of job that Whitlock does, and had been doing all along.

Perhaps at the height of my recognition for his work covering my favorite football club, Mr. Whitlock branched out from the Star and was hired for other endeavors. Having already tried the SportsTalkRadios (fail), he took a post as a Page 2 columnist for ESPN.com (fired), which may or may not have been handcuffed to his, for lack of a better word, removal from ESPN's "The Sports Reporter," and then he signed on with FOXSports. I don't include those parentheticals because I want to highlight shortcomings, but it's important to note that, from an outsider's perspective, beefs appeared to have been brewing in each of those sports kitchens. It's also important to identify that some of these beefs appear to have been for good reason, be they motivated by self-interest, a national sense of civic duty, or a combination of the two.

I commend him for, regardless of intention, marketing himself well enough to have the multiple outlets and to of course, get paid. This era of outsourcing and raises, however, seems to have gone hand in hand with ego inflation and the spawning of this persona that I mentioned.

Which brings us back to conflict. Jason Whitlock used to irritate the hell out of me because he would, so it seemed, always play the race card. For example, he, back in the day, would say things, and I paraphrase, like: Jacksonville Jaguars Head Coach Jack Del Rio makes it a point to have African-Americans as his second- and third-string quarterbacks because it's imperative that the racist fans of Jacksonville must support Byron Leftwich. If they're not going to support him because he's black, they need to know that those that come in to replace him due to injury, will be black as well, so get used to it.

I don't know if this was true. I mean, David Garrard and Quinn Gray are black. This I know. There's a significant part of me, though, that doubts that those two guys were acquired by the franchise, perhaps even over more qualified quarterbacks, solely for support clauses for Byron Leftwich. It's also hard for me to imagine that the Jacksonville Jaguar fan base that has become a poster child for atrocious attendance, even with a white quarterback backing up a black one, can be pegged in their majority as bigot fans. I just didn't see the point in that then, or even more recently when Whitlock posited that (Note: I believe this was in a 05/01/08 FOXSports column regarding Ben Roethlisberger, but his archives don't date back far enough.) that a guy like Pittsburgh Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger would've been crucified for the (initial) rape allegations against him were he black.

More recent still is his latest FOXSports column regarding Minnesota Vikings QB Brett Favre, wherein Whitlock dismisses the notion that Old No. 4 would be under heavier scrutiny were he African-American. Quoth Whitlock: "...the felonious charge of a racial double standard as it relates to the future Hall of Famer was unworthy of my court. I dismissed the case.

That was my mindset two years ago. Things have changed."

Here's where things get a little tricky. We expect those whom we respect to evolve, to maybe have a change of opinion over time. With Whitlock, though, it's like he's completing changing hands every three to five years. Ten years ago, black athletes, in Whitlock's book, couldn't catch a break: There were double standards everywhere. Five years ago, he was knee-deep in his anti-bojangling campaign, wherein he was calling out guys like Scoop Jackson for supporting, in some sense, that there are/were not enough positive black, male role models for the youth of today to admire. The hip-hop culture, as I'm certain he's referenced it on numerous occasions, that embodies today's youth only sees adult black males in the NBA, the NFL, and in rap-music videos.

This, I was on board with. This, I felt, wrong or right as my intuition might've been, was a platform in which he had the most potential. For a guy that reaches as wide an audience as he does, he could really pull some strings, or at least get the wheels of cognition spinning for this effort, if, and that's a big if, this was something he was passionate about. Now, today, I'm not certain what he's passionate about, and I find myself thinking with some frequency that he's not certain either. Thus the motif of conflict.

In comes the notion of ego. I used to be a leading complainer in the argument for less of Whitlock's ego in his column. The presence of it, I felt, could only be identified as wasted column-inch space. For example, he'd start off a column about a road Chiefs game by mentioning that he was seated in the press box. Or, in his column about the NBA All-Star Weekend in Las Vegas a couple years ago -- the one in which the infamous Adam Jones make-it-rain weekend happened -- he started off the column, I think, saying something to the effect of his courtside presence. Or more generally speaking, the many KC Star columns over the years in which he simply wrote about himself using an obviously phony visit to he shrink as the vehicle that drives the column, stopping by several sports-story-idea rest stops along the way.

The former situations were insults to the readers' intelligence in that he's stating the already-known, or to paint it in a less-attractive light, pimping himself. The latter always said two things to me: 1) I have only a smattering of ideas for a column today, so this is what you get, and 2) frankly, I like writing about myself.

So, conflict. Who is Jason Whitlock, I find myself asking after all these years. In the excerpts made available in that podcast, he frequently references "those that know me" as the ones certified to stake a claim against his body of work, or pass judgment on whether or not what he's doing has merit, value, and substance. My guess -- and I of course could be way, way off -- is that not that many people do actually know him. And this is why I think it's tricky, in a role like his, to develop, and even push, a persona because it's going to, whether you like it or not, clash with the product that has gotten you credit, respect, and notoriety since entering the world of sports journalism.

I won't claim to know Whitlock. I've certainly never met him, and I definitely haven't read everything the guy's ever published. I still think that the article he wrote for (or published in, however you want to say it) Playboy is the best piece of journalism he's ever produced. I very much looked forward to the issue coming out because I had a hunch it would be top notch, and hey -- free excuse to buy a copy of Playboy...jackpot! Just before it came out, however, he wrote a column in the Star about the issue coming out, and, surprise, the controversy surrounding it. I wrote about it here, and one reader even created a fake Jason Whitlock profile name so that s/he could comment. Basically, though, that column said this: I'm taking this opportunity to write my column about me writing a magazine article.

Then the issue came out, and without going back to read my actual work, I think I did a fairly decent job summarizing it. I do recall three things standing way out with that piece though: 1) It was well-approached, well-researched, crisp, lucid, and well-written; 2) The controversy associated with the headline the magazine gave the piece -- "The Black KKK" -- was largely, if not entirely diminished by the incredible content of the article itself and; 3) This should be this guy's niche. He should be doing investigative, literary journalism on a full-time basis.

I still feel that way about his abilities, talents, and potential for outreach, but that's one person's opinion, and it likely means squat to anyone that reads this. In "The Explanation," Whitlock talks about sports being the concept that brings people together, and he also talks about many of his critics wanting to be him. I won't argue with the first part of that. That's a huge portion of the beauty of sports: By its own existence, it creates a bond, even with rivals and enemies. There's also merit to the latter part, in that, sure -- professionally speaking, I would love to have or have had any of his written-word journalism positions. And of course I would happily accept the compensation package attached to them.

But to say that, outright, people want to actually be him, is another ball of wax too sticky for me to adhere. I don't want to be Jason Whitlock for the same reasons of theme I've been attempting to decode: conflict. Right now, in my adult life, I have zero audience, and zero responsibility for thought conveyance. I don't have a channel for streaming, a frequency for broadcasting, or column inches to fill. And I'm conflicted enough as it is just trying to lead my ordinary, run-of-the-mill routine. Should I skip today's workout? Did I tell the wife I love her enough times this week? Is one more beer too many?

Hell, it's a struggle day in and day out to just attempt to balance happiness, responsibility, and sanity. If I had a massive national presence added to the mix, I'm not certain that I would successfully balance my craft and keep my persona at bay. There's no way I could develop a platform loaded with observation, opinion, and criticism and, in addition, manage those two key elements of consistency and greatness. I mean, I'd certainly try, but how would I react to my critics? Would I have as many as I would fans? Would I really be that different of a personality than the one I've invented for Jason Whitlock?

Difficult to say.

What I do know is this: If there's one blessing about Kansas City, it's that its newspaper, for many years, has hired and retained some talented writers, many of whom have gone on to bigger positions with bigger publications in bigger cities, all of which I imagine are totems of success. In the sports department alone I can think of half a dozen off the top of my head: Jeff Passan, Liz Merrill, Mechelle Voepel, Jason King, Ivan Carter, Posnanski, and now Whitlock. All of their contributions to my paper have been excellent, and obviously, none have had more controversy than Mr. Whitlock's.

And that's really, to me, what "The Explanation" is about. For Whitlock it was, like it often is, about self-promotion and self-preservation. The Star, apparently unbeknownst to him, ran that Whitlock's-leaving piece without informing him, so he's entitled to address his audience of a decade and-a-half however he sees fit. FOXSports.com certainly isn't the place to do it, and for someone that calls himself Big Sexy, a couple of tweets certainly weren't going to suffice. But at the end of the day, this LeBron James-modeled bit of satirically titled seriousness wasn't about the Star's editor(s) consuming intoxicants, or kissing in public, and it really wasn't about those editors not seeing eye to eye with his vision for his role in the paper, either.

It was a sendoff. It was the epilogue in a chaptered story. It was, the final frontier of the Whitlock era in Kansas City sports writing. It was a reminder of the fact that, conflict and controversy aside, this town has been graced with some excellent sports columns in the last 16 years. It'll be interesting to see how the Star, struggling financially along with all of its industry counterparts fills this large void. Will another young Sam Mellinger step into the vacated columnist shoes? Will the Star, now free of payroll obligations to Whitlock, rest its accounting heads with more ease each night? We, the readers and subscribers will have to wait and see.

One thing's for certain: My Monday morning routine is going to need some serious adjustment.
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Saturday, June 26, 2010

Saturday Studmuffins: Team USA



Words. So unnecessary.

(clip courtesy of The Lone Reader)
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Saturday, February 20, 2010

Saturday Studmuffins: Kansas Jayhawk Brady Morningstar



KU's up by 16 at the start of the second half, and Morningstar has almost no stats, but you gotta love the fiery white boy.

Yeah. That's right. It's White Boy Day. Right here in the middle of Black History Month. Rock Chalk!


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Saturday, January 30, 2010

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Saturday Studmuffins: pr_capone


No. I don't have any idea who the dude is either, but he did post this:

Guy goes up to the Bronco ticket counter and asks to buy playoff tickets... the lady at the counter tells him, "Sorry, the Broncos didn't make the playoffs."

The next day the same guys goes back to the ticket counter and asks for playoff tickets. The lady at the counter says, "Like I said yesterday, the Broncos didn't make the playoffs...there are no tickets to buy."

The next day the man arrives at the counter again asking for playoff tickets The lady at the counters says to the man, "THE BRONCOS DID NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS!"

The man responded: "I know, but I drive all the way from Kansas City just to hear you say that."


...over on a Chiefs Planet message board.

bane_58 follows it up with:

"Josh McFistpump's first season as the Donkholes coach,titled "Chokefest 09" ended the same way anyone with active brain cells knew it would.With a late season flop and an embarrassingly epic blowout by the Kansas City Chiefs at Pile High.Looks like their playoff run will remain IN-COME-PLETE! (sic)

(props to Arrowhead Pride for the link)
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Saturday, December 12, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: Groegany Jazschnansky



This post comes on yesterday's heels. It is in regards to the Kansas City Royals signing catcher Jason Kendall to a two-year deal. It is also in regards to Twitter, and three Royals fans I follow within the Twitterspheres, and my ongoing love-hate relationship with the beast known as the Tweet machine. The three dudes are easily the most-informed baseball guys I barely know, and I rely heavily on their access and knowledge to keep me up to speed with what the organization is doing. They, in no particular order, are Rany Jazayerli, Joe Posnanski, and Greg Schaum, and together comprise the first multi-personaged Saturday Studmuffin. Most importantly, though, the impetus for this now-over post, is how the Kendall signing, in my opinion, is by far the worst in Dayton Moore's tenure. The final thoughts are still brewing, and they, along with some key Tweets, will be posted shortly.


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Saturday, November 28, 2009

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: Retro Neck Beard



I say, God damn those are some handsome socks.

Let's go, Hoodie, Sr. Show Hoodie, Jr. what time it is.
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Saturday, July 4, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: Former NFL Quarterback Steve McNair (1973-2009)



This feature is usually reserved for feats and accomplishments. I won't pretend to be good at eulogizing, or breaking news. And I won't pretend like I knew Steve McNair. I will only say that to die at 36 years old is extremely sad.

The three-time Pro Bowler logged 13 years in the National Football League, threw for over 30,000 yards, 174 touchdowns, and a 60.1 completion percentage. He was drafted third overall in 1995 by the Houston Oilers, moved with the franchise to Tennessee, and played as a Baltimore Raven for the final two seasons of his career.
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Saturday, May 23, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: JoePos

I think this is only the second time we've tossed an SS up on the podium that's not an athlete, which, as a newspaper kind of guy, makes me wonder: Would the game be that entertaining if you couldn't read about it in the next morning's edition? Writers like Joe Posnanski make the answer to that question seem like a definite "no." And for the record, if you aren't familiar with this literal word machine who kicks out the language jams for The Kansas City Star, Sports Illustrated, in book form, and online, well, you should forget about it now, or move to Winnipeg and devote all of your waking hours to catching up on this guy's archives. Hell, I sometimes struggle (Editor's Note: Point in case?) to craft the opening graf to a post, but let's stay on the track, the brief track that you can catch after the jump.

Alright, look: If you're not checking in on Pos' blog on at least a weekly basis, you're doing yourself a disservice. Really, pretty much everything over there is fantastic, but if you have a short attention span and don't like clicking your mouse, here's a quick top five.

Number Five: My favorite JoeWord

The Gloaden Rule:
1. Use Ross Gload correctly, he will help your team win games.
2. Use Ross Gload incorrectly, he will get you fired.

Number Four: A Fascinating Quick Read on Carlos Beltran

Number Three: This isn't really from the site, but you can pre-order a copy of his latest book, The Machine (slated for an August release), here. The book, by the by, is about the 1975 Reds. Those guys weren't bad.

Number Two: This one's kind of a two-fer. Over on the SIs, Pos' and Bill James are toying with the idea of doing a weekly exchange. They gave it a whirl here, and their conversation is about Randy Johnson and 300-game winners. A must read. And if you like it, here's an awesome way of thinking about 300-game winners.

Number One: Anyone that posts a YouTube ciip that pokes fun of their own hometown to their blog is alright by me. I think I've seen this before, but I might've stumbled across it during a Grey Goose and meth bender. Hard to tell.



That's today's SS.
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Saturday, May 2, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: Minnesota Twins Catcher Joe Mauer



Ugh. I enjoy this feature, because it's quick and easy. I do not, however, enjoy giving props to people that wreck my teams.

Someone asked the other day who I would say was the Royals' arch-enemy? The Yankees? The White Sox? Those are decent guesses, but the real answer is Minnesota. For reasons I cannot explain, the Twins always have an edge on the Royals, and frankly, it's starting to get real God-damn old.

What's more, is that there are specific Twins that nearly single-handedly kill the Royals almost every time they play. Joe Mauer is at the top of that list.

Joe Mauer hadn't played a single game yet this season until last night. What does he do in his debut? Nothing. Nothing, that is, in the form of two hits (a double and a homer) an RBI, a walk and score three times en route to a 7-5 win for the Twinkies.

Please. At your earliest convenience, help yourself to a dose of Swine Flu, Joe Mauer.
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Saturday, April 25, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: Kansas City Royals Pitcher Zack Greinke

I suppose it's only fitting that, on a Saturday after we don't deliver this feature, a candidate presents himself for having done something spectacular both last Saturday, and last night. And that individual is none other than number 23 on the Kansas City Royals, the number-two man in the 'tation, the boyfriend of a girl with a special mouth, Zack Greinke.

First things first: This is, of course, the sure-fire way to jinx Greinke's early-season success, but I challenge the jinx Gods, nonetheless.

Greinke was a first-round selection (sixth pick overall) in the 2003 Major League Baseball draft. He debuted with the Royals in May 2004. His numbers, through the years, since then:

2004: 8-11, 3.97 E.R.A. through 145 innings pitched, generating 100 Ks to 26 BBs

2005: 5-17, 5.80 E.R.A. through 183 innings pitched, generating 114 Ks to 53 BBs

2006: 1-0, 4.26 E.R.A. through 6.1 innings pitched, generating 5 Ks to 3 BBs*

2007: 7-7, 3.69 E.R.A. through 122 innings pitched, generating 106 Ks to 36 BBs

2008: 13-10, 3.47 E.R.A. through 202 innings pitched, generating 183 Ks to 56 BBs

2009: 4-0, 0.00 E.R.A. through 29 innings pitched, generating 36 Ks to 6 BBs**

* Greinke, after one start, was put on the 60-day DL, and left the club to get a handle on his mental health, a period during which/leading up to, Greinke said he was more interested in hitting (Editor's Note: He currently has a slugging percentage of .583 with a homer and a double in 12 at bats.), but also wanted to leave baseball for good.

** to date, through the first 16 games of the season

There's another side to Greinke, though, and that's his 115 percent awesomeness at interviews. Last Saturday, after his complete-game shutout versus Texas, he handed Royals catcher Miguel Olivo all of the credit. Last night, after his complete-game semi-shutout (Note: On a Detroit base hit, Royals centerfielder Coco Crisp threw the ball to shortstop Mike Aviles, who threw, a bit low, to third, and the ball bounced off of the baserunner's foot, allowing said runner to score, which ended Greinke's scoreless-inning streak -- dating back to last year -- at 38 innings.), he again rained praise on Olivo, as well as Royals Pitching Coach Bob "Mac" McClure. There are, however, some instant-classic interview tidbits of a younger, spring-training Greinke, that you should totally dig on:

Old-School Stank I



Old-School Stank II



That's this week's SS. It should be noted that credit for both interviews go to D.A., who is the most fantastic sports-talk-radio host on the planet, especially when he doesn't sue us.
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Saturday, April 11, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: St. Louis Blues' Keith Tkachuk

Playoff hockey is back for the Blue Notes of Ess Tee Elle, and it couldn't have come in a more exciting fashion. Jeremy Rutherford of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports that it was evident via "the sounds of the fans in attendance Friday, more than enough time has elapsed without postseason hockey in town. With the crowd buzzing as early as the pregame warm-ups, a deafening roar ensued when McDonald put the Blues ahead 1-0 on a power-play goal only 3 minutes, 19 seconds into the game."

The Blues managed to compile quite a push for the playoffs, being in last place in the NHL's Western Conference as recent as February, and a trade-deadline decision to keep forward Keith Tkachuk paid dividends Friday night at the Scottrade Center as "Walt" put together a two-goal, one-assist evening against Ken Hitchcock and the Columbus Blue Jackets, pushing the Blues into the post-season for the first time in three years.

Things will likely get harder before they get any easier, however, as the Blues could very well face President's Trophy candidate San Jose. The Blues faced, and were eliminated by the Sharks in their 2004 playoff appearance, and have been ousted by the Sharks on two other occasions in the last decade. Until that series gets underway, however, it's celebration time for the Blues.


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Saturday, April 4, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: Michigan State's Tom Izzo (Fo' Shizzo)



This is one of those deals where I'm left with no choice but to praise someone who's responsible for the demise of one of my teams, but I'm okay with it. Really. Reasons you're dying for, after the jump.

I'm not gonna lie: I pretty much despise Michigan athletics. Period. The Tigers typically do better than the Royals. The Red Wings manhandle the Blues. Michigan football has gotten the better of Notre Dame football in recent years, and now Michigan State has eliminated my Jayhawks. It's true that I boasted about KU hoops early in the season, and then had nothing to say last Friday night when the Spartans eliminated them, but after a great first half by the crimson and blue, I kind of figured it was in the bag.

Not so much.

But hey -- it was a rebuilding year for the defending champs, and they nearly made the Elite Eight, which is pretty cool.

Know what else is pretty cool? The Izzo.

He's some 335-136 in his collegiate coaching career, which translates to a heady .711 in the old winning-percentage column, which translates to one more guy that's a lot better than Herman Edwards when it comes to playing to win the game.

Now knocking off the 15th-seed Robert Morris Colonials in the first round doesn't get him many cool points. Eliminating a 10th-seed USC team that only won 22 games doesn't say much more. Beating KU -- did I mention that the Jayhawks were the defending champs -- by five, however, is nice work, and handling a Louisville club that looked like they were gonna steamroll everyone in the Eight is pretty good, too.

Tonight the Spartans made fairly easy work of #1 seed UConn, and will play for the title on Monday night. Their foe, by the way, looks to be Roy Williams and the Tarheels as they currently lead Villanova 70-57 with five minutes to go.

Mr. Izzo has twice been named Big X Coach of the Year, and once the AP National coach of the year. He's been a part of March Madness 12 times, and in those dozen seasons, his teams have managed eight Sweet Sixteens, six Elite Eights, five Final Fours -- including a streak of three in a row, and now two championship games. They're also five-time Big X champions.

It's safe to say that Izzo qualifies as a Saturday Studmuffin. I gotta admit I wasn't pleased to see them keep winning, but I'll quietly root for them to get 'er done come Monday.

Has anyone ever quoted Jimmy Buffet and Larry the Cable Guy in the same sentence? I'm pretty sure that no, that has never happened, and I don't care who you are, that right there is funny.
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Saturday, March 28, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: Some Guy You've Never Even Heard Of



Or maybe you have. I don't know. Either way, his name is Carl Karcher, and he's -- yep -- the founder of Carl's Jr. Being the good Catholic that I am, I gave up red meat for Lent, and I've done pretty well sticking to it. See, it's important to be wise with your sacrifices, unlike years past where I've given up things like booze or hookers, then successfully managed to blow it before Ash Wednesday's even over. But the meat thing has been manageable, mainly because I don't actually eat that much red meat. Between chicken and pork, what else does a guy need? Pork, of course, includes the FDA's recommended daily intake of a half-pound of bacon.

Well, that's what I used to say. Now I say I need a burger. NOW. See why you know where.


It might be kind of gay to give such a prestigious award as the coveted Saturday Studmuffin to a wrinkled old white dude that founded a fast-food chain I may've only eaten at once in my entire life, but if this dude hadn't started his company, then this commercial would never've been made:



I'm pretty sure they're serving this thing with a clean tube sock.

Anyway, if you didn't click on the bacon link up there, do so. Then be sure to tune in to Comedy Central tomorrow night at eight Central. Jim Gaffigan kicks all the ass.
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Saturday, March 21, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: Kansas City Royals Hitting Coach Kevin Seitzer



I've heard a few mutterings of the Royals' somewhat-realistic chances to be in contention for the Central this season. I'd like to get onboard that bandwagon, but I'm still a bit unsure. One thing's for certain, though: Their hitting through spring training has been nothing shy of impressive.

The focus of Royals' Hitting Coach Kevin Seitzer seems to be centered on good plate appearances. He wants guys to battle pitchers, be patient, have good swings, and generate more walks. I realize this isn't rocket surgery, but it seems to be paying off, and I'll look at everyone's favorite baseball statistic -- the home run -- as evidence. We all will take a moment to remember that it's spring training and that some stats might be skewed due to guys missing from rosters because they're still playing in the WBC.

Naturally, I'm too lazy to look at stats for every team, so I'll just examine the long balls from the top three teams -- based on today's standings -- in each league. It looks a little something like this:

6) L.A. Angels: First place in the AL standings with 10 jacks.
5) St. Louis: Second place in the NL standings with 13 homers.
4) Atlanta Braves: First place in the NL standings with 19 long balls.
3) N.Y. Yankees: Third place in the AL standings with 22 profundos.
2) Milwaukee Brewers: Third place in the NL standings, having gone yard 28 times.
1) Kansas City Royals: Second place in the AL standings with 33 home runs.

Like I said, I only looked at stats for these six teams, but based on what's listed above, it would appear that the Royals are leading the league in homers. And that's all I have to say about that.
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Saturday, March 14, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: Detroit Red Wings Pavel Datsyuk



I get down to St. Louis about once a year for a Blues game. Today was my first contest so far this season, my first ever in which hated division rival Detroit Red Wings were the opponent. I've actually never seen Detroit play live, and as much as it pains every fiber in my soul to say so, it was an impressive feat to watch them skate, pass, set up in the zone, and ultimately dominate the St. Pat's weekend vibe happening inside the Scottrade Center -- even in the cheap seats -- and around the city.

The Blues are still in last place in the Central Division, but things are so skewed in the conference right now, that they were a mere two points away from squeezing into the eight spot before today's puck was dropped. Though most of the first period was scoreless, the Blues lit the lamp first late in the frame, an incredible behind-the-net pass from Andy McDonald to T.J. Oshie, allowing them to take the first intermission with the lead. It was only four minutes and change into the second, however, when Pavel Datsyuk netted the equalizer, the first of three Detroit goals in a span of 46 seconds. In fact, goals one and two were only 10 seconds apart, not even sufficient time for the PA announcer to share the details.

The Blues would get another tally several minutes later, but that effort would quickly be undone by another Datsyuk goal, their final score before a Henrik Zetterberg empty-netter in the third. The goals for Datsyuk were 30 and 31 on the season, which, including his 66 assists gives him a team-leading 97 points halfway through March. The Blues, though their roster has changed significantly, appear to be the same team they were last year and the season before, one with a ton of defensive breakdowns and the inability to gain the offensive zone. If they make the post-season, it will be quite the feat, one I doubt that the club I watched today is capapble of pulling off, especially in any circumstance when they face clubs with proven production machines



like today's HoG Saturday Studmuffin.
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Saturday, March 7, 2009

Saturday Studmuffins: ESPN's Bill Simmons



Old No. 7 tipped me off to the wisely weirdish thoughts of Bill Simmons. Apparently, the Sports Guy hadn't "emptied his mailbag" yet this calendar year. When he did, there were a few doozies in it. Okay, one. Pick up what I'm puttin' down after the jump.

The topic to which I refer came via this post, and I while I don't aim to take it as Gospel, I do accept it, in that it's teeming with positivism, something we haven't had as a theme for Kansas City pro sports for far too long. And yes, Rustoleum, Kansas City has pro sports. I know you're reading and were dying to make that comment. Eat shit, you smashed sack of assholes.

Back to Mr. Simmons:

"By the way, listen to Monday's B.S. Report if you want to hear me make the case for the 2009 Chiefs as a phenomenal bet at 100-to-1 to win the Super Bowl, thanks to my theory that the success of one team can become a sports colonic for that city's fans, turn them from "glass half-empty" to "glass half-full" and ignite every other team in the city. I see the Royals kicking off things by becoming this year's 2008 Rays, followed by an NBA team moving to K.C. in June or July. Then in September, with the pennant race heating up and K.C. fans already delirious, the Chiefs will charge out of the gate with four straight wins … although there's a sobering moment when Joe Posnanski's head tragically explodes as he's crafting a column trying to put everything in perspective. Just be prepared. Wait, you don't believe me?"

Jackpot. Count it.
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Saturday, February 28, 2009

Saturday Studmuffin: Kansas City Chiefs General Manager Scott Pioli



Scott Pioli gets this week's SS wink for pulling off the Matt Cassel deal. This is arguably the biggest free-agency deal thus far, maybe even more so than the pile of money Albert Haynesworth got for joining the Dan Snyder club. And everyone's got a take on it.
Bill Williamson thinks the deal had to be done. Sports Illustrated's Don Banks figures the Patriots could've gotten a lot more out of KC. Tim Graham suggests that both clubs now have more ability to draft position players and get younger. Turd burglar Adam Schefter reports that other teams, including the Denver Broncos, were in the mix for obtaining Cassel. Had they pulled the trigger, Jay Jams would've gone to Tampa or Detroit, which allegedly didn't sit that well with him.

And as usual, the gang at Arrowhead Pride has put in some solid work on the deal.



Thanks to them, and much more to come on this deal later this weekend.
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