The Most Pointless Post in HoGstory Grows Wheels, Becomes a Story, Except for Not Really

On Tuesday, I had this bug, an itch to write a post about Kansas City Royals shortstop Yuniesky Betancourt, and how meaningless his home runs in 2010 have been. So I did. When I started looking into the thing, I expected to see losses in most, if not all, of the 10 games this season in which Betancourt had homered. In the end, I was a little surprised that Kansas City has actually won four of the contests in which he'd gone yard. But, it didn't bother me. And I kind of forgot about the thing for a minute.

And then, in the fifth inning of that evening's contest, Betancourt came up to the plate against Cleveland's Jeanmar Gomez, who, at the time, was 2-0 in his career. And I'll be damned if he didn't hit a solo shot out of the park to tie the game at one.

I thought two things: 1) A 1-1 game. Anything can happen. Naturally I want the Royals to win, but it would be a little ironic if Betancourt homered in this game and then the Royals won. Not a lot ironic. Just a little. And then, two innings later, noted terrible baseball player Wilson Betemit came up to the plate and put a solo shot over the fence as well, giving the Royals the one-run edge that they'd hold onto for the win. I tweeted about it, decided I'd take interest in his at-bats the next evening, and went to bed.

So Wednesday rolled around, and it's game two of three against the Tribe. By the time I tuned in, I'd kind of forgotten about the previous day's small slice of irony. And then the sixth inning came around, Yuni came up to the plate, and cracked another solo homer. And this got my eye, especially considering that the Royals went on to win 9-7. Betancourt, by the way, went 2-4 with three RsBI in the contest, pulling the Royals to an even 6-6 in games in which he hits a jack. This also put him into the team lead for round-trippers on the season, at least for guys still on the roster. (Editor's Note: Jose Guillen left town with 16 under his belt.)

For the final game of the series against the Indians on Thursday, the Royals took a 3-0 lead, then squandered everything under the sun, losing 7-3, and Betancourt went 0-4, so, ha-ha. That was fun while it lasted.

Friday night, the White Sox were in town, and the game got postponed due to some serious rain, and some wicked-crazy lightning, which meant a double-header for Saturday. In some kind of FOXSports broadcasting conundrum, the first contest was a 6:10 Central pitch, and the Royals found themselves down 5-1 in the seventh. Guess who comes to plate with every bag occupied? Yup. The Kansas City Royals shortstop, who, I think, surprised everyone by clubbing a grand slam, his third of the year, no less. And if that wasn't enough, he hit a walk-off single in the 11th for the game-winning RBI.

My interest was again piqued. Betancourt had gone 3-5 with 5 RsBI. The second contest got underway a few minutes after 10:00 p.m., and it too went into extra innings. In this tilt, our hero of the week went a mere 1-4, but he did have an RBI, and it just so happened to be a game-tier in the bottom of the ninth. Alas, Chicago went on to win by a run in the 10th, but Yuniesky Betancourt had the Twittersphere buzzing.

And in the finale of this series, today, Betancourt was again held hitless, but it should be noted that, Betemit, in his continuing fit of terribleness, homered again today, as well as in the first of the two contests yesterday. And, strangely, this game also went to extra innings.

I suspect that Yuni will revert to sub-mediocrity in the week ahead as the Royals will face Detroit and Cleveland again, both series on the road. The coincidence of examining Betancourt blasts in comparison with Royals wins, proved to be a fascinating exercise, and Kansas City is now a cool 7-6 in games in which there's a Yunibomb sighting. And no, silly, I don't mean Ted Kaczynski. But like I said, folks were a-buzzin' about this overpaid shortstop Dayton Moore acquired from Seattle last season, if only for a few days. Hey, even the big guns had stuff to say today.

(photo courtesy of John Sleezer of The Kansas City Star)
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Baseball In The Daytime: 30 September 2009

Welcome, boys and girls, to the very last Baseball In The Daytime of September. Tomorrow we hit the month that Reggie Jackson made famous, the month that includes the playoffs--unless of course the World Series goes longer than five games.

Today we're starting off with the front ends of two doubleheaders necessitated by rainouts, and then wrapping up the day slate with a Mets-Nats tilt from DC. Every single team playing today has been eliminated from postseason consideration, these games are beneath meaning. Not even degenerate gamblers or fantasy geeks care--if you're betting on games involving the Pirates, Cubs, White Sox, Indians, Mets or Nats, you're probably also living under a bridge. And if your fantasy team contains players from any of those teams, your season is most likely done.

But hey, let's celebrate the pastime anyway! Joyous previews and sunshiney trivia after the jump!

Pittsburgh @ Chicago Cubs, 12:05 Mountain At least the Pirates are still trying--they took three of four from the Dodgers over the weekend to delay LA's not-quite-inevitable division championship a few days. In the final game of that series Monday, Zach Duke took an 11-0 shutout into the ninth. He yielded a run in that frame, yet one out away from a complete game blowout manager John Russell yanked him.

Look, we keep tabs on the Kansas City Royals in this space, so we know a little something about bad baseball teams and thickheaded management making not-smart decisions. But these Pirates--wow. Just wow. Charlie Morton gets the nod from Russell today opposite Ted Lilly.

Chicago White Sox @ Cleveland. 2:05 The other Windy City failure sets up shop next to Lake Erie this afternoon, as some kid who goes by the name of Carlos Torres dons the uniform of Eddie Cicotte and Horacio Ramirez. Will Torres throw the World Series and/or post a WHIP of 2.50? You'll have to watch to find out, as he battles Fausto Carmona in front of several dozen fans.

Los Mets @ Washington, 2:35 Tim Redding and John Lannan pitch, you decide. That's my little Fox News intro for this game. Take care, folks, we'll see you during Rocktober!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 16 September 2009

Today's BitD contains 100 per cent of your daily recommended allowance of calcium, riboflavin and fiber. Possible side effects include blurred vision and upset stomach. If your day baseball game lasts longer than four hours, please consult a physician.

With the fine print out of the way, let's check out the schedule, after the jump...

Cleveland @ Minnesota, 11:10 Mountain This is the last time Cleveland plays in the Metrodome, as the Twins open brand-new Target Field next April. It's not the last baseball game in the Hube, Detroit comes in tomorrow and the season ends with a three-game home set against the Royals. And I suppose that the Browns could still play the Vikings here, so technically it's not the last time ever a team from the city of Cleveland competes in this building. So let's not get all weepy and steal urinals on our way out the door. Aaron Laffey and Nick Blackburn are your scheduled starters.

Florida @ St. Louis, 12:15 The Marlins are still in this thing, by a thread. Colorado's three-game losing skid has left the Fish 4 1/2 out of the wild card with 17 yet to play. It's not inconceivable that they could catch the Rockies, although if they did so they'd probably then have to reel in the Giants as well. So I guess it is inconceivable, and this game is meaningless. Josh Johnson takes the hill for Florida, and if you're an NL Cy Young voter and you don't give Johnson one of your ten spots you are a punk. He's opposed by the one, the only, Joel Pineiro.

Pittsburgh @ LA Dodgers, 1:10 Even though they're still in first, and even though they have a nice lineup, no one is really taking the Dodgers seriously as World Series contenders. Their rotation is kind of a mess, riddled with question marks, and the current consensus is that LA can't matchup with St. Louis and Philly in the NL playoffs. Hiroki Kuroda, one of those question marks, takes on Kevin Hart today in (at? from?) Chavez Ravine.

Arizona @ San Diego, 1:35 Here at Baseball In The Daytime, we like to save the best for last. We like to, but we can't always deliver. I must apologize for our closing afternoon game, because it's cover-your-face awful. It "features" Doug Davis going for the D'Bags and Eduardo Mujica doing likewise for the Padres. These teams are a combined 34 games under .500 and are both on the verge of bankruptcy. Outside of Adrian Gonzalez and Justin Upton, there's not a single player on either roster I'd pay to watch play today. But hey, it's baseball, in a beautiful city, during daylight hours--that ain't bad I reckon. Marshall your courage and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: Dressed To The Nines

It's 09/09/09, so go buy your Beatles Rockband for your Atari boxes. While you're at it, pick up a copy of Posnanski's new book. It comes out today, except it comes out next week.

If you choose not to rock out with your cock out or jam out with your clam out on plastic guitars, watch a ballgame. It's free, it's easy, and it's the law. Previews, after the jump...

Texas @ Cleveland, 10:05 Mountain If it weren't for the Rangers, the American League "pennant race" would be nonexistent. Texas is the only thing keeping the Angels from coasting to another AL West title (they're 4 1/2 back). They're the only reason the Red Sox have yet to wrap up the wild card (2 games separate the Sox and Rangers). The Cleveland Indians are not a part of any baseball race, except the one for Most Disappointing 2009 MLB Club. It's a pitched battle between them and the Mets, as the Cubs' comparatively strong recent play makes them merely frustrating. Scott Feldman and Fausto Carmona gets the starts.

Chicago @ Pittsburgh, 12:35 Speaking of the Cubbies, they're in Iron City this afternoon trying to make a little hay. Pittsburgh just clinched an ignominious honor--they're guaranteed to finish the season with a losing record for the 17th consecutive year. No other team in a major sport has ever done this, I'm told, so I guess what the Washington Generals do is not major, Major. Hate on Barry Bonds all you want, but the argument could be made that no athlete leaving a team had a greater impact than Barry moving on from the Pirates. Ex-Cub Kevin Hart tries to bring the pain to his old mates, who are represented by the Big Z.

St. Louis @ Milwaukee, 12:05 Adam Wainwright takes on Jeff Suppan in this meeting at Miller, and Wainwright's chief competition for the NL Cy Young Award dresses in his own clubhouse. Chris Carpenter probably took the lead in the Cy derby with his one-hitter against the Brewers Monday night. Can Wainwright match his teammate against the same gang of preening, douchey, underachieving blowhards? The Brewers really rub me the wrong way, especially that prick Ryan Braun. His act is tired.

San Diego @ San Francisco, 1:45 Watch the Giants, watch them fall. In the wild card standings, that is. Time is running out on these G-Men, they're now three games behind Colorado after ace Tim Lincecum (heh) tweaked some component of his back and touted prospect Madison Bumgarner (heh) was forced to make his big-league debut, a loss. At least they get to rely on currently-dependable millionaire Barry Zito and his 78-mph cheese today. Wade LeBlanc gets the nod from the Padres after being called up when Kyle Blanks hit the DL. LeBlanc is like the French version of Blanks, so expect him to give up...a few runs. Thank you, I'll be here all week. Make sure you tip your waitress, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: July 29 2009

Yesterday was about the most miserable day of the whole summer. I was intensely hung over from the night before, when I volunteered to help serve food at a concert and ended up drinking a vast amount of Evan Williams "bourbon." The Red Sox, who I follow with great relish, blew a seemingly unblowable game--up by three in the ninth with Pap on the hill. The Rockies, who I keep track of with noticeable regional pride, got worked 4-0 by the New York Mets. To call the Mets a train wreck is to insult many proud drunken railroad engineers who once got plowed on Evan Williams and derailed their vessels. The Mets are chaos wrapped in a riot surrounded by a disorganized circus of unsupervised screaming children.

So the mood was sour when I went to play softball. I know, softball. It's not really a sport, and it's barely a game. To compare my softball foibles to what happens on a major league baseball diamond, even if it involves the Mets, is a leap that strains all credibility. But I'm telling the story and you're stuck reading it, so kiss off. My team, which normally defines mediocrity, has been on quite the little postseason run. After an unremarkable 3-5 regular season, we caught fire in the tournament and advanced to semifinals against our hated nemeses, the Rapist Kangaroos. In the midst of losing to these dicks, I took a line drive off my throwing hand. I don't think it's broken, but my right ring finger is about the same color as those two-tone batting helmets the Rockies wear. If I fumble a few Ks and Us while typing today, that's my excuse.

Now that all my whining is out of the way, let's move on to today. The sun is shining, there's day baseball on the docket, and all is right and peaceful with the world. Join me after the jump, where I'll preview today's ballgames and give you several indispensable bits of baseball trivia you can show off around the water cooler...

Houston @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Mountain Boy howdy has this National League Central turned into a humdinger of a donnybrook. After languishing in Suckville for three-fifths of the season, the Cubs have decided in the past two weeks to start playing up to their promise, payroll and preseason predictions. Chicago briefly wrested control of the division from the Cardinals on Monday, but then they gave it right back last night following their heartbreaking gag job versus these dirty Astros. Today the Cubs assign rookie Randy Wells the task of painting the black, while Mike Hampton gets the start for Houston.

Cleveland @ Los Anaheim, 1:35 On the site of an old citrus grove in Orange County today, we get a pitching matchup of Aaron Laffey v. John Lackey. In the annals of funny pitching names, these two are nowhere near the ironical humor of Kevin Slowey, Grant Balfour or Bob Walk. But still, Laffey-Lackey is pretty smirk-inducing. Also, the Indians really blow.

Pittsburgh @ San Francisco, 1:45 While we're getting cheap laughs off of puns involving the random distributions of starting pitchers, let's head to the City By The Bay. There, in a seemingly nondescript tilt betwixt the Pirates and Giants, your starting pitchers are Zach Duke and Matt Cain. Duke-Cain. Same pronunciation as Duquesne, a respectable Catholic university located in...wait for it...Pittsburgh. ZOMG! what are the odds? I guarantee I was the only scribe in Blogstralia to pick up on this stupid, stupid coincidence today.

Toronto @ Seattle, 2:40 Our final day game today features...what? Why are you looking at me like that? I promised you insightful analysis and all you got from me is a rote glance at the standings and a couple dumb jokes? You want stats? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE STATS! I'm here for a few yuks and maybe a guffaw, pal. You want stats, buy an abacus.

Anyway, back to lovely Safeco Field, where Roy Halladay will be on an unfamiliar short leash for his start today. Not because he's shitty or the Blue jays have anything to play for, but because he could literally be traded ANY MINUTE NOW. Seriously, in the middle of his windup he might be tackled by two player-personnel guys from the Phillies and whisked to a waiting helicopter. It's that secretive and intense in the Roy Halladay Saga.

Everyone is shocked, shocked I tell you, that Toronto GM J.P. Ricciardi's super-serious Halladay trading deadline of yesterday was complete bullshit. Doc is still in play, but most teams publicly claim to be offended by Ricciardi's immense greed in the number and quality of prospects it will require to secure his services. Philly refuses to part with Kyle Drabek, the Red Sox balked at Daniel Bard, the Dodgers won't even discuss Clayton Kershaw. Which is all fine, those three kids are fucking studs, and there's a chance that all three will some day win Cy Youngs.

There's also a chance, however, that all three are in a holding tank with Ryan Leaf in two years recounting how they blew out their elbows and no one gave them a second chance. If you're a second-tier club like the Pirates or the Orioles, you don't sell the farm for Halladay. You have to win through homegrown players, it's your only route to success. if you're championship-caliber, as the Phillies, Dodgers and Red Sox are, I think you have to seriously consider giving up your top two, three, or four prospects to get him. This ain't Freddy Garcia we're talking about here, this is the meanest ass-kickingest bulldog in the game. Put him on any of the aforementioned three clubs and the road to a title becomes smooth and straight. I'm not saying it guarantees a title, no one player can do that. But it makes it infinitely easier.

If I'm the Sox or the Phillies, and I just won a ring in the past 22 months, I can see backing off and protecting the depth of your organization. You won titles without Halladay and you might do so again. But the Dodgers, come on. The Cards, the (shudder) Yankees, the Angels...what are you guys doing? You get Halladay, you can start printing World Series tickets. Prospects are just that--they may pan out they may not. The Angles have hoarded their minor-league kids for years, and in my opinion it's cost them at least one additional championship. Remember Dallas McPherson. Supposed to be the top power-hitting prospect in all of baseball, now he's an usher for the Shreveport Slugs.

If Humberto and his fellow felons in the bleachers at Dodger Stadium think that a playoff rotation of Chad Billingsley, Kershaw and someone from the Kuroda/Wolf/Schmidt grab bag is going to cut it, I say good luck with that. It could happen--no one thought Cole Hamels was ready to be a postseason workhorse last year. I'm just saying that getting Halladay is worth the long-term damage to your system.

The Phillies are supposedly working up a cheaper deal for Cliff Lee, which I think is insane. Why would you give up 80 per cent of the talent you offered for Halladay for an inferior arm? Cliff Lee's a fine pitcher, and he's definitely better than Joe Blanton or Jamie Moyer or Pedro Martinez in terms of giving you a compliment to Hamels come October. But let's get serious here--championships require sacrifice.

Opposite Halladay at Safeco today is Ryan Rowland-Smith, a distant cousin to Malcolm Jamaal-Warner and Mahmoud Abdul-Raouf. If the hyphen doesn't get you the changeup will, so keep your head in and Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: Hot Diggety Dog

Apparently, there was a hot dog eating contest over the weekend, and apparently, some guy not named Kobayashi -- Joey Chestnut downed 68 for his second consecutive title and a world record -- won the thing. Now, I kind of loathe the phrase "only in America," but this is one event where I would make the exception. I find this contest absolutely disgusting, but I sure do love me some hot dogs. Had one on Sunday, even. Right after I took one for the team and took the most burnt bratwurst on the tray. Seems as though, what with Memorial Day, graduations, and Fourth of July, I've had quite a few dogs lately. In fact, my sister-in-law and I were talking about this last evening. One day last week, she had three dogs in three different settings in a 24-hour period. And apparently, she could've squeezed down another. She, uh, has this way with words, shall I say. She summed the experience by saying, "Three weiners in one day. Who'd've thunk it?" Approximately seven minutes later, over by the display of M&Ms and mixed nuts, she, downing a mouthful said, "Mmm. Chocolate nuts."

But baseball. Baseball. I've noticed a pattern. In yesterday's day baseball affair (link, cough), there were a bunch of National League day games, whereas in today's there're three American League and one N.L. tilt to wrap things up. Come with me, over the jump, and find out all about it.

Toronto @ Tampa Bay, 11:08 Central: It's Roy Halladay as the visitor in today's first contest. He faces David Price and the Bay Rays in a battle of wits and sliders. Halladay's 10-win first half, coupled with his below-three E.R.A. has been incredible. Price will have his work cut out for him as he comes in at 2-3 with a plus-five. Lucky for he and the Tampa crew, they have a four and-a-half game lead over the Jays in the A.L. East, which is surprising, considering some of the flash Toronto has, on occasion, shown this year. They lock up on DirecTV 721, XM 176.

New York @ Minnesota, 12:10: Precisely one hour and two minutes later, Alfredo Aceves will battle with Glen Perkins. Except that he won't; the Twinkie on the hill will actually be Francisco Liriano. Perkins, apparently, is ill and will go tomorrow instead. But anyway, Liriano comes with a 4-8 record, a 5.49 E.R.A., is fully loaded and available for 1.9 percent financing. Aceves, on the other hand, has strung together a quiet 5-1 record with a 2.03 E.R.A., from the 'pen. The pinstripe front office was going to give him the nod two weeks ago when CC Sabathia's chances of starting looked shaky. Today he's a definite go in place of Chien-Ming Wang, who's 2009 has looked shaky. They'll hate on one another on DirecTV 722 and 723, or over on XM 177.

Cleveland @ Chicago, 1:05: Matchup number three is a duel of southpaws as David Huff faces Clayton Richard and the White Stockings. Each hurler has one fewer loss than wins, and E.R.A.s they'd like to whittle down a bit. I keep expecting Cleveland to get their act together and get out of the A.L. Central, but when you lose eight of your last 10, that's hard to do. Chicago, conversely, has done the opposite. Watch these jerks play baseball on DirecTV 724, 725, or listen to their jerkiness on XM 178.

St. Louis @ Milwaukee, 1:05: For the league of hitting pitchers, it's right-hander Joel Pineiro against lefty Manny Parra. Though the Cardinal's record (6-9) doesn't speak volumes about his season, his 3.39 E.R.A. tells a bit more of the story. Another missing piece is that he's gotten very little run support in his appearances thus far. Parra, on the other hand, will make his first start in a month for the Brew Crew. After early-season struggles, he was sent down, where he wasn't all that much better. Either way, he takes the mound in the bottoms of the innings today at Miller Park. Don't believe me? Check DirecTV 726 or 727, or listen for his name on XM 183.

That's your slab today, folks. Enjoy some baseball, and hell, have a hot dog for lunch while you're at it.
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Baseball In The Daytime: June 19 2009

As Banky described yesterday, we're attempting to split up our BitD duties round here--wherein he takes the days that start with a T, I take the days that don't. For a slacker such as myself, this is keen, because while Wednesdays are typically pretty fat with day games Monday and Friday are thin or nonexistent.

The exception, of course, is the National League franchise in Chicago, Illinois, which insists on playing under the sunshine on Fridays when they're home. I think this is great, and they even made a movie about it (also great). But it puts me in the position of having to make sassy wisecracks about one team over and over and over again, all summer long. How many times can I spin a yarn about Sam Sianis, or Leon Durham, or Steve Bartman? How many times can I reference outfield ivy, red tank tops and cold Old Style beer? A lot, that's how many. This is a dirty job, and it takes a real pro to make it happen.

Find a seat and order a dog, and after the jump we'll discuss the Cubs' hitting woes...

Cleveland Indians @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Mountain Coming into the season there were two division "locks": the Cubs and the Angels. Both teams had superior payroll resources to their regional brethren and deep rosters capable of weathering a season's worth of injuries. Plus, the AL West and NL Central are shitty.

Fast forward to June 19, and those two locks are wavering. Los Anaheim was annihilated by various wounds to starting pitchers and outfielders, while the Rangers got off to a nice start. The Angels are rounding into shape, however, and could overtake Texas any day now. As for Chicago? The issues are deeper. No one aspect of the team is airtight, although I guess the rotation does have the lowest ERA in the NL. That rotation relies on guys like (today's starter) Rich Harden, though, who's one mistimed delivery away from the DL.

The real issue is in the lineup, where Lou Piniella's crew just can't hit. This offense was overrated from the start, what with Alfonso Soriano's weaknesses becoming uglier every day (a sterling .293 OBP in '09), $12 million going to Kosuke Fukudome (hitless since June 9), and the middle infield providing nothing. The biggest issues are the glaring awfulness of Geovany Soto (although he did knock the game-tying jack over the wall yesterday, causing Ron Santo to ejaculate), the rapid decline of Derrek Lee and the lingering injury to Aramis Ramirez.

Arm-Ram is the straw that stirs the drink at Wrigley, the only true offensive force in the lineup. Chicago has to get him back, and they have to get him some help. Waiting for Lee or Soto to turn it around is not good enough for an impatient national fan base, and hoping that Soriano starts turning in decent ABs is a lost cause. They have to trade for a stick, and the problem with that is that the farm system is barren. The one advantage the Cubs have in this lousy economy is that they're rich--no one is taking on salary this summer, and the simple ability to pick up the contract of a pricey slugger (hello Matt Holliday) may be enough to get the job done.

That, of course, would require the sale of the Cubs to the Ricketts family to be finalized, and here we get into the goofiness of baseball. The fate of the Cubs' lineup, and indeed their entire season, comes down to lawyers getting paperwork done. Hopefully Sweet Lou doesn't blow a gasket before then. Give a raspberry to Indians' starter Cliff Lee, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: May 13, 2009

This week may have the lightest MLB schedule of any all year, outside April at least. Only four games were played Monday, and six teams have the day off tomorrow. The Oakland Athletics, as a matter of fact, have two off days this week, which is just nuts. Get back to work, you white-shoed sloths.

It's appropriate that our day game schedule debuts in the American League Central, because I'm forming a nebulous opinion that it's the best division in baseball. Not the one with the most good teams, mind you--both Eastern gaggles have more firepower. I just think the AL Central is fascinating in the fact that here, a month and a half into the season, we have no idea how it will shape up.

Will the Indians continue to give up the most runs in baseball? I say no. Will the White Sox keep on getting nothing from the top of the lineup and puny HR totals? Barring a big trade, yes and maybe. Will the Twins sort out their pitching calamities and jumbled outfield? Magic eight-ball says it is likely. And will Detroit fall out of the race and conduct a fire sale the likes of the sport hasn't seen since the late-90s Marlins? Considering the fact that they're starting ex-Marlin Dontrelle Willis today, fellow former Fish Miguel Cabrera makes eleventy billion dollars and the GM (Dave Dombrowski) and manager (Jim Leyland) both matriculated in South Florida, I'd say bet the farm on that shopping bonanza.

The most compelling drama in the division, of course, continues to radiate from Kansas City. Those adorable, scrappy Royals still have their head above water, even after Dayton Moore performed a Ponsonectomy and called up Triple-A superstar Luke Hochevar for last night's game against those lazy A's. The result? Two innings, eight earned for young Luke, who was followed by newly minted long-relief ace Sir Sidney. Whoops! This team has the parts necessary to keep up the fight, they simply need to sustain their effort and get better production from the bottoms of the order and rotation. Oh, and hide Kyle Farnsworth in a closet.

Your schedule, after the jump...

Chicago White Sox @ Cleveland, 10:05 Mountain Jim Thome has spent most of his career on these two clubs, and that's why I'm like fuck the Denver Post. The Mile High City's lone daily used the Manny Ramirez suspension to lower journalistic standards even further last week. The Post ran a graphic underneath the Manny story showing the five most prolific active home-run hitters: Manny, A-Rod, Gary Sheffield, Thome and Ken Griffey. It placed the former three under the banner of "TAINTED," while Thome and Griff were labeled "CLEAN." I am so sick of this bullshit I could punch a cat. Not only is the evidence linking any of these guys to actual steroids suspicious (I'm not naive, I know they're dirty, but come on), but you can't say anyone who played baseball prior to 2004 is "clean." You just can't. maybe Griff and Thome were all natural, but the odds that they never dabbled, not even once, are slim. Too slim to say they are, without a sliver of doubt, "clean."

Mark Buehrle, who has stopped beating his wife, faces off against Cliff Lee, who may or may not have checked into drug rehab, in this battle of crafty lefties. Or so reads the Denver Post.

Atlanta @ NY Mets, 11:10 There's potential for more lefty-on-lefty violence this afternoon at the stadium you the federal taxpayer sponsor, Citi Field. I would have called it U.S. Postal Service Stadium at Sea Level or Mesa Verde National Park Park. But that's just me. Jo-Jo Reyes matches southpaw deliveries with Jonathan Niese, in quite possibly baseball's first Jo-Jo/Jonathan showdown.

Washington @ San Francisco, 1:45 I can not figure out Shairon Martis. I saw him as evidence coming into the season that the Nats would be really awful, because he's like their No. 2 starter and he sucks bad. But here we are--Washington has 10 wins, worst in the game, yet Martis is 4-0. I don't have a calculator in front of me but that's like 38.2 per cent of their total. It just goes to show you, if you don't Shairon, you'd better know somebody. Or something. Barry Zito starts for the Giants and will attempt to squelch Ryan Zimmerman's 30-game hit streak. Play Ball, fellas!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 8-21-08

Today's docket seems hand-selected for the House of Georges. We've got a Royals game for Roy F. Almania and Co., a Cubs contest for Cecil and all the bandwagon poseurs, a Rockies game for residents of the Centennial State and finally a Marlins-Giants game for...um...well, for people who like to bet. All that's missing is a Red Sox-Angels game, but we know how those tend to end up. Best to leave it off.

So gather round, kids, with a glass of lemonade and a transistor radio, and take a nice cool sip of Baseball In The Daytime...

Kansas City @ Cleveland, 10:05 Mountain At what was once known as Jacobs Field (or "The Jake" to hipsters round the bend), the Royals visit the Indians this afternoon. Or this morning, if you tilt westward. Cliff Lee attempts to burnish his Cy Young credentials as he shoots for his 18th win against only two defeats, while Zach Grienke tries to run his win total into double digits.

Cincinnati @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 At the Friendly Confines, former Cubbie skipper Dusty Baker brings his duffel bag full of toothpicks and his team bus full of Redlegs to play some baseball. My prediction of a Reds' playoff berth looks pretty foolish right now. Go ahead, take your shots. They're nothing like what Cincy starter Josh Fogg will face in this dangerous Cub lineup, while Carlos Zambrano gets the call for the home nine.

Colorado @ LA Dodgers, 1:10 Jorge de la Rosa wears the purple while Derek Lowe sports the blue in this NL Central West showdown at Dodger Stadium. The Rox have been a little feisty this week, taking two in a row from LA to knock the Dodgers out of first. But Arizona is now scoring runs and winning, so it's probably all in vain. The Blake Street Bombers sit eight back of the D'Bags in the division and are still waiting for someone, anyone, to give them some reliable outs on the mound.

Florida @ San Francisco, 1:45 When I saw the pitching slate listed as Johnson/Palmer, I thought "Sweet!" Randy Johnson versus Jim Palmer, Hall of Famer against Hall of Famer, should be a great game. But then I remembered that it's 2008, not 1989. And then I remembered that Jim Palmer retired long before The Unit even finished his amateur career at USC. And then I remembered that this is the Marlins and Josh Johnson, and these are the Giants and Matt Palmer. And then I went back to work. Good luck, gentlemen, and Play Ball!
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Midseason Baseball Report: AL Central

It is not, of course, midseason, unless you're talking about growing pumpkins. With pumpkins you're about halfway between the summer solstice and optimal harvest. But we're not a pumpkin blog, as much as Cecil laments. We talk baseball here.

We typically try to get a little rundown on each division around the All-Star break, but this year's been squirrelly. Our AL Central expert, the dynamic webtastic international superstar Sooze from Babes Love Baseball, and I have battled foreboding work schedules in order to communicate. We actually ended up trading questions via Pony Express, which explains the serious lag time in posting. Them horses was rode hard and put away wet, but what's a little animal abuse when we're discussing the national pastime?

Using that old-timey technology made us pretty out-of-date, like when Andrew Jackson won the Battle of New Orleans after the War of 1812 was already over (never got the e-mail, I guess). Enjoy anyway...

Old No. 7: Generally we begin these breakdowns by focusing on our guest's favorite team. In your case that would be the Minnesota Twins. At the time of this writing your Twins sit a game and a half behind the White Sox, with the Tigers lurking at six and a half out (Editor's Note: That's now one and 8.5, respectively). Many would call your team's record "surprising," but isn't it simply the result of running your franchise well? Similar to how the Oakland A's tend to usually be in the mix with their annual modest payroll?

Sooze: I would agree with that. With today being the trade deadline (Whoops-Ed.), as a Twins fan I never get too excited. They don't go out and buy talent -- especially since the talent they do buy is in the form of aging veterans -- so it's a good thing their farm system is so stacked.

Old No. 7: What's your current assessment of the Johan Santana trade? It netted you Carlos Gomez, who started out great this season but seems a little over-matched these days. Of the three pitchers (Phil Humber, Deolis Guerra and Kevin Mulvey), who seems the closest to helping the big club and who do you think will end up as the best? Do you think you got good long-term value for Santana?

Sooze: I was at first incredibly sad about the Santana trade. I have a crapload of #57 stuff that was pretty hard to look at for a while. Carlos Gomez (I like to call him Go-Go cause dude runs like the wind) really was a pleasant surprise at first, but now it's pretty clear that Denard Span maybe should have won the starting job this Spring. That guy is awesome. Gomez is chock-full of promise and potential though, so I think the Twins got the upper hand in the deal.

As for the three pitchers they received, they're all kind of meh this season. Guerra is pitching down in Single-A and fighting to keep his ERA under 5.00, even with a 10-6 record. Humber is also struggling with the Red Wings, but has the potential to be a decent strikeout pitcher someday. Mulvey? 3-8 with a 3.81 ERA. Ah, young guns. Gotta love 'em.

Old No. 7: You wrote a while back about the controversy surrounding Francisco Liriano's tenure in the minors. Do you think he'll be up soon, and do you think he'll pick up where he left off before his elbow surgery? (Liriano was called up and in his first start back August 9 threw six innings of three-hit shutout baseball-Ed.)

Sooze: I hope Liriano makes it up soon with all my heart. I understand the Twins' dilemma of not knowing what the future holds, who to send down, trade, etc., but something needs to happen before his agent takes desperate measures, like putting a hit on Glen Perkins. I also see the apprehension that may come with remembering his 0-3 record and 11.32 ERA, accumulated over just 10 1/3 innings this April. Franchise (as he was dubbed in '06) is kicking ass down in AAA, though, fanning 113 batters in 118 1/3 innings. The only problem with that is the fact that the minors aren't the big leagues. There is a reason these kids aren't up in the majors, and 90% of that reason is because they pretty much suck at baseball. Translation: not all that challenging.

Old No. 7: What's the status of the rest of your pitching staff? It seems like the no-name rotation is holding together quite nicely and the bullpen has weathered the loss of Pat Neshek. Even HoG favorite Boof Bonser has found a home in the 'pen.

Sooze: Greatest combination of suckiness as of late? Livan Hernandez getting bitch-slapped for four innings, just before Bonser comes in to surrender 3-4 more runs. It seems like the only time Boof even pitches anymore is in a non-save situation or when Minnesota is down eleventeen runs in the sixth. Anyway, if I had to choose someone to let go, it would be Hernandez (Livan was claimed off waivers yesterday by your Colorado Rockies-Ed.). I like the looks of a young rotation, one that could be used for seasons down the road.

Old No. 7: Can this team hit enough in the second half, or might they look at adding a bat before the deadline?

Sooze: Man, they never look. If Terry Mulholland were to come out of retirement today, the Twins would probably give him a contract. And yeah, they can hit. My Canadian Crusher still hits bombs sometimes and Mauer could get on base in his sleep. Also, Nick Punto is totally flirting with .300! No, I am not delusional.

Old No. 7: Are you excited about the new park? I've only spent a little time in Minnesota, and it was in the summer when it was beautiful. How many games do you see being affected by weather and cold each spring?

Sooze: I am SO PUMPED for the new park. I went to U.S. Cellular in June to see the White Sox steamroll the Twins, and it poured all weekend, yet I was still loving every second, simply because the game was played outdoors. But when the time comes to play outdoor baseball in Minnesota, we'll be seeing a lot of make-ups from early-April blizzards. And hopefully October blizzards. too.

Old No. 7: All right, let's take a lap around the Central. The first place White Sox have been resilient--they clobber the baseball, get key outs late in games (and are now getting their closer back) and their starters have been good enough. Do you see them maintaining their success or falling off?

Sooze: I can't answer this question without being completely biased. I hate the White Sox -- making this whole Ken Griffey Jr. being so lovable thing really tough -- so I cannot have the slightest bit of confidence in them. I do, however, love Carlos Quentin.

Old No. 7: After Detroit added a few big-name vets to a loaded roster, many all but handed them the AL pennant back in March. The Tigers were awful this spring but have managed to get themselves back on the radar. They're certainly capable of making a run, do you think it will happen?

Sooze: I called a Detroit Tigers World Series championship this Spring on the Treehouse Fort podcast. Pretty much all season they've made me look like an asshole. I'm glad they're starting to bring it, but no. No ring for Motown, especially now that they've traded Pudge for Farnsworth.

Old No. 7: The other team the pundits forecast greatness for was the Cleveland Indians, who currently reside in the AL Central cellar. They've dealt with injuries, yes, but so has every other club. Is 2008 a one-year aberration, or are Indians fans looking at dark times again?

Sooze: Ah, rebuilding. It seems like it was just a couple seasons ago the Indians were rebuilding. Oh wait, that was a couple of seasons ago. They have some young talent, some hard-hitting vets, and a hell of an ace, but the aliens who abducted the real Cliff Lee will need to put him back eventually. Also, no more C.C.

Old No. 7: Finally, we have an obligation to discuss the Royals--the House of Georges was recently named the 38th best Royals blog on the whole Internets. They've certainly shown improvement in the last three seasons but are a long way from legitimate contention. Tell me this: your Twins have a similar payroll and similar attendance figures to Kansas City, yet you regularly contend and qualify for the playoffs and they do not. You consistently produce guys like Santana, Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau, and bring in quality pieces like Liriano, Gomez and Joe Nathan via trades. What separates your particular brands of small-market baseball?

Sooze: There's something kind of sissy about powder blue unis.

Old No. 7: Sissy? What are you talking about? I'll agree that the new blues are a joke (I hate the dark trim, white pants and black shoes), but come one. Does this look like a sissy to you? Or this? Oh, wait, you're bagging on Kansas City--you're absolutely right. Sissy.

Update: I'm getting a lot of feedback on that photo, and I must point out that it is not of Sooze. That's just some rock star that happens to also be a Twins fan. Sooze, while a Twins fan and a rock star, does not have a beard. I've never met her but I have seen her MySpace page--no beard. So stop asking.

Update No. 2: I forgot to link to the AL West edition, it's here. There's a good chance we'll have midseason reports on the other divisions up by the end of the season. If not check back in the offseason, or perhaps next season.
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Baseball In The Daytime: 5-28-08

As we're now into the semi-official, post-Memorial Day summer phase of the baseball season, the temperature is starting to rise. For Willie Randolph in Queens, it's hotter than Hades already. On tap today are a pair of games, one played outside in the heat and the bugs, one inside next to a fish tank.

So throw on a little Coppertone, knock back a few hydrating beverages and enjoy some Baseball In The Daytime...

Chicago White Sox @ Cleveland, 10:05 Mountain There's always a little controversy brewing in Ozzie Guillen's clubhouse, and this latest one is more than a little queer. That's queer as in odd, but if you want to attribute a few homo qualities to it that's your business. I don't judge.

Shortstop Orlando Cabrera, who I've been a huge, huge fan of since he helped the Red Sox win a championship in 2004, was dealt to the Pale Hose in the offseason. He's off to an awful start, although since Ozzie inserted him in the leadoff spot his numbers have improved. It's his defensive stats, however, that are currently at issue. Seems OC has taken to calling official scorekeepers and lobbying for errors to be overturned. I'm sure that goes over well with the pitchers playing in front of him, as earned runs are being added to their stats after the fact. Today that skeptical hurler will be Gavin Floyd, while Jake Westbrook comes off the DL to throw for the Tribe.

Texas @ Tampa, 10:40 Josh Hamilton has 58 RBI on the season. It is May 28 and that is not a misprint. Hamilton, who like Cabrera was obtained in exchange for pitching over the winter, has absolutely lit up the American League, which was the initial intent of the then-Devil Rays when they made him the No. 1 pick of the 1999 Draft. He then infamously developed a love affair with various white powders before discovering Jesus and a newfound ability to annihilate baseballs. Trying to slow him today will be Bay-Ray Matt Garza (yet another offseason tradee), who'll share the hill with Ranger Kason Gabbard. Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: 5-12-08

It's Monday, and that means it's trash day in my neighborhood. We have a bit of a bear problem where I live, so it's advisable to keep your rubbish in the garage until you leave for work on Monday morning. The folks across the street failed to heed this wisdom, and therefore my street was coated with refuse and smelled like Pittsburgh.

Major League Baseball also has a little bit of Pittsburgh-scented cleanup today, as a slew of rainouts yesterday have left us with a little Baseball In The Daytime. We've got Jays battling Injuns in the front end of a double dip in Cleveland, as well as a rare all-BITD doubleheader from The Burgh. By the way, how ironic is it that Mother Nature disrupted so many games on Mother's Day?

Atlanta @ Pittsburgh Game 1, 10:35 Mountain Jair Jurrjens is one of the breakout players in this young season. The native of Curacao (I don't know where to find that funny little tail on the second "C" of that word) is humming along at 4-2 with a 2.84 ERA thus far this year, nicely rounding out a Braves rotation that's minus John Smoltz and Mike Hampton. Jurrjens faces Zach Duke in this opener at PNC Park.

Atlanta @ Pittsburgh Game 2, 2:05 Stick around, baseball fans, because we're not finished with exciting Braves-Pirates action! I wouldn't exactly call a Pirates game "action," although it is slightly more titillating than watching the Food Network. Unless Bobby Flay is on. Tim Hudson challenges some kid named John Van Benschoten to a throwdown here, and they'll try not to serve up too many taters.

Toronto @ Cleveland, 2:05 Our hastily composed slate of Rust Belt baseball concludes with a doubleheader from Progressive Field in Cleveland. The first game of the day features a couple of nasty pitchers who occasionally face control issues. Fausto Carmona hurls for the home team, having walked 31 men in less than 40 innings pitched this season. A.J. Burnett, baseball's ultimate tease, once pitched a no-hitter while issuing nine bases on balls. That strikes me as an exceedingly difficult thing to do. Keep it near the plate, fellas, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The daytime: 5-8-08

On this Thursday, Major League Baseball's docket of games played sans electric illumination is diverse. There are first place teams and last place teams, good pitchers and bad pitchers, fat kids, skinny kids, even kids with chicken pox.

What I'm saying is, there are a lot of games. Six to be exact. And I don't have a coherent theme to tie them all together. Shit, yesterday I had a pounding headache and a gerbil in my throat and I came up with something...

San Francisco @ Pittsburgh, 10:35 Mountain The Battle For The Honor Of Matt Morris concludes today at the confluence of the Allegheny, Monongahela and Ohio Rivers. Morris was a washed-up old hack pulling down an eight-figure salary from the Giants last year when Brian Sabean snookered the Pirates into taking him on. After really, really blowing throughout April, Pittsburgh released him a couple weeks back. Who looks dumber? Find out today, as Matt Cain and Paul Maholm toe the same rubber Morris once did.

San Diego @ Atlanta, 11:00 If funny pitcher names are your thing, it doesn't get much better than Wilfredo Ledezma versus Jo-Jo Reyes. In fact, I'm pretty sure The Wilfredo And Jo-Jo Fun-Time Comedy Revue is the highest-rated television series in Honduras. True story.

Cleveland @ NY Yankees, 11:05 The star of this show is human growth hormone. Numerous Yankees have either fessed up or been named in the Mitchell Report, and today's Indian starter Paul Byrd made a tear-filled confession amidst the Tribe's defeat of the Yanks in last year's ALDS. Mike Mussina, who'll get the ball for the Bombers, may be clean. He does hate black people. I have no idea how he feels about Indians.

Minnesota @ Chicago White Sox, 12:05 At one point early in the history of this nation, Chicago was a remote outpost on the edge of civilization, the northern- and westernmost place a settler could go without being ingested by grizzly bears. Little did anyone know, however, that Swedish Vikings were living it up at the headwaters of the Mississippi river, site of present day Minneapolis. What's any of this have to do with Ozzie Guillen and inflatable fuck dolls? Good question. Kevin Slowey and John Danks start, you decide.

St. Louis @ Colorado, 1:05 The Rockies' feeble defense of their NL pennant continues, and now they're finding pitchers in the Westword personal ads: ISO available swarthy gentlemens, Hi K rates, Lo ERA, drug and disease free. Well, that last part's negotiable. This afternoon's lucky bachelor is Jorge De La Rosa, recently of the Brewers but, let's be honest, he's pitched everywhere. Badly. He'll engage in warfare with Kyle Lohse.

Philadelphia @ Arizona, 1:40 One might call this a Clash Of Aces, but then one might have his frame of reference stuck in 2006. Brandon Webb is indeed the ace of the home D'Bags, and he's the early favorite for the NL Cy Young award. Brett Myers, however, is a shell of his once-dominant self. His velocity is shot and he looks like a marmot. Lucky for him, he's got a woman that don't talk back.

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My Sports Life is a Rock Song: "Don't Do Me Like That"

We're back and whiter than ever, as this feature carries into its fifth installment, and the only person of color that's been featured was James Brown. Jesus, we are white. So what do we do about it? Ding-ding. Feature somebody very, very white. Here's the thing about this week's feature: I love, like any good cracka', me some Tom Petty. Always have. He does, however, have a tendency, now and again, to write a song that, well, makes me feel like I'd rather listen to Meatloaf. Or the B-52s. Or Bon Jovi. And believe me, I will take splintered shards of golf tees through the testicles before volunteering to listen to either of those "artists." This evening's selection is one of those, but it does, nevertheless, serve a purpose. More on that in a jif.

In a few moments, young Luke Hochevar and the Royals will take the mound at Jacobs Field. The boys in blue, having fallen to last in the Central for the second time in eight days, face C.C. Sabathia tonight, who started out his post-Cy Young, 2008 campaign hurling piles of shit toward home plate. Which ballpark did he pick to break out of his slump? Yup. Kauffman Stadium. That game (featuring Royals' big-money man Gil Meche) had an awesome result.

So there it is. I'm not going to break down guitar riffs, or try to make some connection between game details and lyrics. I'm just gonna say, "Don't Do Me Like That, C.C." Not tonight. Actually, not ever. But let's start with tonight. The Royals have put some runs on the board this week. Well, yesterday's 2-1 loss to the Rangers was, as our staff slogan machine put it, an "unpossible pitcher's duel between Sir Sidney Ponson and Brian Bannister," but they produced some runs for a stretch there, suprisingly probably even themselves. My bolder-than-ever prediction for the evening's contest: The Indians don't cross the plate 15 teams; the Royals score more often than once. Second thought, scratch that last part, and play ball, Blue. You're muh boys!

(Update: Due to "inclement weather," the game has been postponed for a TBA double-header date later this summer. Know what this means? Sabathia was set to light it up, but someone else had other plans for the home team.)
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