Weekend Royals Wrap

We're now staring week four of unemployment square in the face, which means, come Friday, if my phone ain't ringin', Daddy's got to get out there and take some schlep job. Ugh. That's totally going to ruin my streak of viewed Royals games. It was a good stretch while it lasted, especially, when after suffering through last Saturday's gay blackout rule, I thought I'd stifle the network's efforts to make me miss the game, and, why the hell not, just go to it. Seeing as how this dandy stretch of not working has gone hand in hand with not having an automobile anymore, I was forced to take the bus. Normally, I wouldn't mind. See how much it sucked, however, after the hurdle.

The Royals, having swept Jim Leyland's club to open the season only to then lose two of three to the Twins in the next series, come home to face the Yankees and take two of three again. Who comes in to town next? The damn Twins again. They manhandle us on Friday, a contest that seriously cut into my drinking time, then offer free Billy Butler replica jerseys to the first 20,000 to the stadium for Saturday night's tilt. Well, the bus is never late, right? So, I'm early for the 4:15 connect -- again, I've got drinking to do here, folks -- and, yeah, the bus is almost 20 minutes late. That's cool, though, because we then spend 45 freaking minutes riding around on this thing picking up other jackasses that want to go out to The K in 30-degree weather for this game. Needless to say, no jersey. And, uh, this just in: it's bleeping frigid. I suppose the one highlight would be that, anytime I've attended a game solo, I've gotten a good seat. And I spent a solid inning and-a-half in it. I sat there for nearly two lousy innings, shivering, and decided I had to get up and stay moving, or my ride home would be in a heated ambulance instead of the Metro.

It was at this point that I wandered into the gift shop and took this dazzling photo:



of the jersey I clearly wasn't meant to have. I know. I too thought that hundreds of photo editors of national sports magazines would've been beating my door down by now. Their loss.

Anyway, I continued ambling, stoked about pretty much everything, especially that massive image (at the top of the post) of Twins starting pitcher Boof Bonser on our enormous new scoreboard, who pretty much threw a lights out five innings-plus, and suffered through the remainder of the 2-0 game, the last two innings of which it was snowing. I did wind up hammered at the 3 a.m. bars, so there's that.

Then, Sunday's tilt, which had a 37-degree first pitch, featured Brian Bannister tossing a complete game, Butler going 1-1 with three walks, Alex Gordon hitting his third jack of the year, and all kinds of other cool amenities, proved to be a much nicer game, especially since that wacky sun actually showed face for a spell. Now, the Royals are on the west coast for the week, which means -- boo -- nine o'clock starts, and they'll probably fare relatively well against the Mariners tonight (Zach Greinke vs. Jarrod Washburn) and tomorrow (John Bale vs. Miguel Batista), Los Anaheim Thursday (Gil Meche vs. Jered Weaver) and Friday (Brett Tomko vs. John Garland), then Oakland for three straight (Brian Bannister slated to face Chad Gaudin).

At least there'll be no Boof in my Bonser until late May.
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Update On Da' Boof From Da' Boof

Guys. Relax. I'm right here. I haven't notched a W for my Twinkies in a few, but I've still got the stuff. So, chill. Every time you put that tagline on a post, the Twin City readers/fans get nervous, like I fell into da' river with that bridge collapse uh somethin'.

Anyways, I got Jake Westbrook on the rubber opposite me tonight. Not a problem. Hi Ho put us in a bind after notching that sweep, so it's time to focus on our delivery and our lumber in this series at the Jake.

Never you worry, though, boys and girls. Boof is here. The Twins are comin' on strong, and Dane Cook will be forced to mention us come Actober. Play ball!
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We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Bosom Buddies

Welcome back for another installment of We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday. This week we'll have a look at articles/behaviors women use to make their upper torso region that much more appealing to men. Yeah. Tough task. Women, nevertheless, do have their work cut out for them, and men will always want more. That said, it's an interesting concept when you think of what women will do to make those thanks for the mammaries more obvious and erotic than they already were in their natural state. Oh, we've got a doozy of a lineup, too, so grab your adult beverage and your deepest box of Puffs. You're in for the long haul.

Marketa Brymova



The folded arms/lingerie combo never hurt anyone. Toss in a sultry stare and some spread legs, you've got one hell of a sandwich. Dee-nair es reh-dee.

Breeann McGregor



Also a fan of lingerie, Miss McGregor likes the attire while hanging out in the flower garden. This delicious photo was taken just after I'd helped her trim her rose bush. The thing was in full bloom and, what with the heat and all, it was time to say goodbye to that cumbersome top.

Ines Alecsandra



Boob shots from behind are an under-appreciated rare breed. It's always a nice touch, too when you find yourself distracted by the adorable peach fuzz on the buns. That whacky Ines. She'll do just about anything to distract a fella. Come to think of it, she'll do just about anything to a fella.

Lauren Stagg



The kitty-cat crawl almost always results in some boob draggage, a sure-fire recipe for good times, especially when it's across my comforter in a sassy little outfit like that. Raaaair...

Jillian Beyor



When a young gal with the knitting capabilities of Miss Beyor sluttily innocently holds her hands in front of her new-sweater-adorned chest, it just has wholesome written all over it. Of course the microscopic mini-skirt with beckoning mound beneath never hurts either.

Erica Kelly



Sometimes, it's just best to be blunt.

Ariadne Artiles



The innocent/exhausted/naive approach never hurt anyone, though.

Amanda Wright



Silk shirts and pearl gorgeous necklaces have been man's favorite breast enhancement since the beginning of, well...clothes and jewelry. In our most recent House of Georges staff meeting, it was unanimously agreed upon that that trend will not likely change anytime soon.

Kyla Cole



Miss Cole gets the double nod for this installment. Why? Well, looking smokin' hot while smokin' spread-legged with heaving breasts in the back of a limo will get you prizes in at least 49 of our 50 states. You never know what those crazy Texans are thinking.



Oh, wait. Yeah, I do. They're thinking, "We like our girls lightly oiled, topless, and adorned with cowboy hats, preferably near the jacuzzi. Yee-haw."

Diora Baird









Having gotten the superb setup from Miss Cole, we'll wrap it up this week with Miss Baird, our knock-'em-down closer. She blows her junk past all of the competition since she a) has a pretty rad name, b) is wicked hot, and c) borrows from each of the my-boobs-rock-even-more-so-now categories.






That's a wrap, boys and girls. Now that Miss Baird has gotten us the save, we'll need her to knock out that Tommy John Surgery. Or at least come over and help clean up mine.

'Til next time...

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Baseball In The Daytime: 5-23-07

I hate to ruin your Wednesday, which is rightly dedicated to poon, but we've got a ball game today. Fear not, at some point before sundown Bankmeister will grace us with some bulbous jugs and sweet ga-dunk-a-dunk. That is, if he's not exhausted from complaining about how excruciating his vacation is.

Back here in America we have jobs, taxes, rain and Jason Giambi. But we also have an afternoon tilt between Minnesota and Texas (noon-oh-five Mountain time, XM 177 and DirecTV 734). Your pitchers are gonna be Robinson Tejeda for the Rangers and "Coach, How Dat Look Up In Da" Boof Bonser for the Twins.

I've always hated the Rangers, and I don't really know why. Sure, they're from Texas (even worse, metro Dallas), but that's not it. They've never really been good enough to despise, and although they've had some true knuckleheads grace their roster their players are generally cool. Dubya once owned them, that's not good. And from 1989 to 1994, the period of Bush's ownership, they sported most of baseball's juiciest dudes: Sosa, Palmiero, Pudge, Juan-Gone, Incaviglia, Canseco and Dean Palmer, plus ball doctorer Kenny Rogers and Julio Franco, who found some mysterious "fountain of youth" cough! HGH cough!

On the other side of that coin, I've always sorta liked the Twins. Can't really explain it. They've always had likable players, and the fans in Minnesota tend to be good honest Midwestern folk. Life's an enigma sometimes.

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Cellar Evacuation Com-...Cellar Evacuation Comp-...Cellar Evacuation Compl-...Cellar...Aw, Eff It

Alright. I'll accept it. Sox-Yanks is pretty big. Dudes across America are gettin' excited for this series, fans are bustin' out their seriously hilarious gear. Television ratings will go through the roof. Good times will be had by many. Especially by those of us watching this, this or this instead of installment one of 27 that these two AL East clubs will meet this year. Okay, not many of you will be watching this one or this two. Hell, maybe even less of you will be watching this three. I, for one, though, am excited for Twins/Royals matchups this year. Yes. The Twinkies opened the season storming diamonds left and right, and will likely march straight through the summer, reaping the rewards of the AL Central division title. Their hitting/pitching combo dominates most foes. And they have certain guys that continue to crush even the loftiest of Royals' optimists every year. His unofficial title as Royal killer, though, may have been passed on to another division foe.

Either way, tonight's Ponson/Perez matchup kicks off Twins/Royals baseball, and it should be a doozy. Neither has pitched well thus far, and each team has a couple of bats approaching hot. Tomorrow night's probable starters are Boof Bonser (who? and, thanks Mr. & Mrs. Bonser) versus Zach Greinke, and Ramon Ortiz takes on Jorge de la Rosa on Sunday. Good times, indeed. But they don't end there. Oh, no, no, no. Tonight's game attendees will receive free stadium blankets and enjoy a Free Fireworks Friday after the pitching duel is complete. And Sunday is a Royals' Friends and Family Day, where, for the low price of $40 American dollars, a fan gets four tickets, four hot dogs, four Pepsis and a GameDay magazine. The fun just never ends.

The real story about this weekend, though, is the stick that squatty # 14 has been showing at the plate as of late. I've been listening to Ryan Lefebvre, Denny Matthews, Splitt & Bob Davis talk about the potential in this guy ever since this went down. And I'll admit, I have periodically been excited about it, as excited as one gets over catcher hype. But, as a Royals fan, one learns to be faithful. One simply has no other choice. Unless one wants to ride the negativity wagon for eternity. No thanks. He's already on pace to break his homerun and RBI season highs, assuming skipper Buddy Bell doesn't give Jason LaRue a ton of starts. Assuming he stays healthy, too.

KC game callers, since the trade, have also developed the tendency of assigning much, if not all, of the responsibility of pitching development on Buck's shoulders. An obvious concept, one might think. Pitching development, however, has not been a resident of Kauffman Stadium since, well, they changed the name to Kauffman Stadium. This is not to say that the current rotation or the current pen is stacked with potential. It's far from it. But the front office continues to make baby steps in the direction of strengthening the pitching staff. Hence, perfect timing for Buck to develop his swing, up his clubhouse respectability in that regard, and continue to nurture relationships with Royals hurlers.

The other part of the trade -- we'll pretend the Mike Wood factor was never in effect -- is this shortstop-turned-third-basemen-turned-rightfielder.

Trust me when I say it's pronounced "Teein'." His stick -- after a brief re-assignment to Omaha late last year -- came alive with fury. His pre-season outfield ability looked very little like an ability of any kind. But he's come around. I was supremely pissed when it looked as though the Royals were going to give Angel Berroa another shot as opening day approached. I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why they were putting Teahen in an already-crowded outfield when they could just cut their ties with the '03 AL Rookie of the Year and shuffle Teahen into is spot. The addition, however, of Tony Pena, Jr. has been nice. He's currently tied with New York Mets shortstop Jose Reyes for the MLB lead in triples. And he's displayed a sweet glove as well.

Now, if the Royals can just get Mike Sweeney out of his God-awful season-starting slump, keep DeJesus' bat crackin', and get a little more production out of the middle of the order, they'd be halfway home to decency. The rest of course would involve not blowing leads and giving up huge leads early in games, feats the Royals have mastered over the last two years. I'm staying optimistic. I'm watching zero very little Yankees/Sox this weekend, and I will definitely be getting my Boof Bonser on this weekend. Let Operation Climb Out of the Cellar commence.

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