Deadline Deliberations Deliver Delicious Drama, And Pizza

The non-waiver trading deadline in Major League Baseball passed a couple hours ago, and in contrast to recent years this one actually had some spice. If I have one request of you, the educated House of Georges baseball fan, it's this: be aware that trades will still get made for the next month. Don't be that guy, the one that wonders aloud in a week why the Cubs acquired some dumpy reliever from the Padres. We've been over this.

There was also some news that popped out yesterday, news about a couple of fringe utility guys that may or may not have played for my favorite ballclub, allegedly testing positive in a fake survey test back when steroids were totally legal. I have no idea about any of this, I don't really follow baseball very closely.

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THE RED SOX? Glad you asked, this team doesn't get nearly the attention lavished upon such large-market juggernauts as the Pittsburgh Pirates and Asheville Tourists. Boston pulled off the deal for the most immediately impactful player, Indians catcher Victor Martinez. After a sluggish '08, V-Mart has rebounded with an All-Star campaign this season (although he's slowed noticeably in the second half).

Martinez will take over nominally from Jason Varitek as the Sox starting catcher, although I doubt he'll don the tools of ignorance more than four times a week. He'll also spell Kevin Youkilis at first and Large Papi (Winstrol-free since 2003!) at DH, as well as providing even more insurance for gimpy Mike Lowell (Youk can slide to third). If that ain't enough versatility for ya, Martinez is also a switch-hitter with power and can recite many Jeff Foxworthy comedy routines. Good guy to have around.

In case you thought Sox GM Theo Epstein was only good for big-boy serious deadline moves, he also provided quite a bit of slapstick over the last few weeks. He designated Julio Lugo for assignment in anticipation of cutting him, except the Cardinals were actively looking for a strikeout-prone shortstop with hands of stone. So Theo shipped Julio to the Lou in exchange for Chris Duncan, who's equally awful only younger and able to get sent down to the farm. Enjoy Pawtucket, Rhode Island. Theo traded a couple of disposable prospects to Pittsburgh for Adam LaRoche, one of the uglier active big-leaguers (even uglier than Duncan and Lugo). Today he capped off this spree with a final swap of LaRoche for Atlanta first-sacker Casey Kotchman, who's closest comparable player is Adam LaRoche.

All in all, not a bad haul, although an actual shortstop would have been nice. I'm ecstatic that Martinez only cost the Sox Justin Masterson and some parts, leaving the franchise's best pitching prospects (Clay Buchholz, Daniel Bard, Michael Bowden and Oil Can Boyd) wearing crimson hosiery.

As for that business from yesterday, I'll leave my comment to Craig Calcaterra, who's not even a Boston fan:

You're not surprised, so please don't pretend you are. The only people who will truly surprise you to be associated with steroids are Derek Jeter, juniors Cal Ripken and Ken Griffey, and dudes like Jason Tyner and whatnot (though guys like him shouldn't surprise you).

You've not been betrayed, so please don't claim to be. You enjoyed the baseball of those years and nothing of value has been taken from you as a result of recent revelations. While it's totally legitimate to be turned off and disappointed and generally depressed about all of this, if your sense of trust has been so violated by all of this steroids business that you actually feel the need to claim "betrayal," you probably need to examine if you're still a fan or not.

And you know this one is going to come up like crazy, so let's be perfectly clear: the Red Sox' championship in 2004 is not tainted. At least no more tainted than the outcome of any other championship won by any other team in at least the past 20 years, not to mention the awards and the regular season games and everything else, so please don't even go there. Baseball had a steroids problem. Not just the Red Sox, not just the Yankees, not just the Orioles, Rangers or A's. As such, to the extent one uses this latest news as a means of singling out the Sox, one is simply showing that they see the entire world through rivalries and not reason.

Now, with that out of the way, you may resume your regularly-scheduled outrage.

ARE THERE ANY TEAMS IN MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL BESIDES THE RED SOX? Not that I'm aware of.

COME ON. WHAT ABOUT THE YANKEES OF NEW YORK CITY? If you insist. Those crazy Bombers got their mitts on utilityman Scott Hairston, who'll share a bench with recently added Eric Hinske.

THE BAY-RAYS WON THE AMERICAN LEAGUE EAST LAST YEAR, DID THEY HELP THEMSELVES AT THE DEADLINE? Tampa tried unsuccessfully to reacquire the "Devil" in their name, thinking it would give them the additional cruelty needed to make a push for the playoffs. Unfortunately, Satan has a full no-trade clause and refused to play on the Gulf Coast of Florida. He'll continue protecting A-Rod in the Yankee lineup.

DID TORONTO EVER TRADE ROY HALLADAY? To say that BJ's GM J.P. Ricciardi overplayed is hand would be a colossal understatement. He asked for a king's ransom for Doc, which is understandable--Halladay is arguably the best pitcher on Earth. But when the bidding war involving the richest teams never materialized (it would have been problematic for Ricciardi to deal within his division to the Red Sox or Yankees anyway), J.P. was unable to land a suitable package from the handful of contenders remaining. The Phillies really wanted him, but they refused to part with all four of their best prospects. The Dodgers, Angels and Rangers also had lines they would not cross.

So Halladay stays put, and Ricciardi is now fucked. He'll be lucky to get half the prospect value this winter when he picks up talks again, and for what? So Halladay can pitch August and September of this season for a team that doesn't want him and fans that don't care? Dumb.

ISN'T THERE ONE MORE TEAM IN THIS DIVISION? Indeed there is, it's the Baltimore Orioles. For a team that once again totally blows, they sure are playing it smart. The O's reaped a fortune in talent when they dealt Miguel Tejada and Erik Bedard a couple years ago, and at this year's deadline they flipped George Sherill (filler from the Mariners in the Bedard deal) to the desperate Dodgers in exchange for a pair of nice prospects. The Baltimore system is loaded with good young arms, the first wave of which was seen Wednesday when Chris Tillman started against the Royals. Catching all those freaks is Matt Weiters, a 6-5 leviathan of a catcher who may someday hit 50 home runs. In a single game. The outfield corners are set for a decade with Adam Jones and Nick Markakis. All they need is a trained assassin to dispatch of Melvin Mora and Aubrey Huff and you've got a scary club on the horizon.

BUT WHAT OF THE REST OF BASEBALL? SURELY MORE ROSTER MOVES WERE MADE TODAY YOU CAN WISE-ASS-I-PHIZE ABOUT?!? Patience, little man. I'll be back with the rest of our deadline happenings soon. Perhaps even by the end of the season, when Midseason Report Cards are due.
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Baseball In The Daytime: July 29 2009

Yesterday was about the most miserable day of the whole summer. I was intensely hung over from the night before, when I volunteered to help serve food at a concert and ended up drinking a vast amount of Evan Williams "bourbon." The Red Sox, who I follow with great relish, blew a seemingly unblowable game--up by three in the ninth with Pap on the hill. The Rockies, who I keep track of with noticeable regional pride, got worked 4-0 by the New York Mets. To call the Mets a train wreck is to insult many proud drunken railroad engineers who once got plowed on Evan Williams and derailed their vessels. The Mets are chaos wrapped in a riot surrounded by a disorganized circus of unsupervised screaming children.

So the mood was sour when I went to play softball. I know, softball. It's not really a sport, and it's barely a game. To compare my softball foibles to what happens on a major league baseball diamond, even if it involves the Mets, is a leap that strains all credibility. But I'm telling the story and you're stuck reading it, so kiss off. My team, which normally defines mediocrity, has been on quite the little postseason run. After an unremarkable 3-5 regular season, we caught fire in the tournament and advanced to semifinals against our hated nemeses, the Rapist Kangaroos. In the midst of losing to these dicks, I took a line drive off my throwing hand. I don't think it's broken, but my right ring finger is about the same color as those two-tone batting helmets the Rockies wear. If I fumble a few Ks and Us while typing today, that's my excuse.

Now that all my whining is out of the way, let's move on to today. The sun is shining, there's day baseball on the docket, and all is right and peaceful with the world. Join me after the jump, where I'll preview today's ballgames and give you several indispensable bits of baseball trivia you can show off around the water cooler...

Houston @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Mountain Boy howdy has this National League Central turned into a humdinger of a donnybrook. After languishing in Suckville for three-fifths of the season, the Cubs have decided in the past two weeks to start playing up to their promise, payroll and preseason predictions. Chicago briefly wrested control of the division from the Cardinals on Monday, but then they gave it right back last night following their heartbreaking gag job versus these dirty Astros. Today the Cubs assign rookie Randy Wells the task of painting the black, while Mike Hampton gets the start for Houston.

Cleveland @ Los Anaheim, 1:35 On the site of an old citrus grove in Orange County today, we get a pitching matchup of Aaron Laffey v. John Lackey. In the annals of funny pitching names, these two are nowhere near the ironical humor of Kevin Slowey, Grant Balfour or Bob Walk. But still, Laffey-Lackey is pretty smirk-inducing. Also, the Indians really blow.

Pittsburgh @ San Francisco, 1:45 While we're getting cheap laughs off of puns involving the random distributions of starting pitchers, let's head to the City By The Bay. There, in a seemingly nondescript tilt betwixt the Pirates and Giants, your starting pitchers are Zach Duke and Matt Cain. Duke-Cain. Same pronunciation as Duquesne, a respectable Catholic university located in...wait for it...Pittsburgh. ZOMG! what are the odds? I guarantee I was the only scribe in Blogstralia to pick up on this stupid, stupid coincidence today.

Toronto @ Seattle, 2:40 Our final day game today features...what? Why are you looking at me like that? I promised you insightful analysis and all you got from me is a rote glance at the standings and a couple dumb jokes? You want stats? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE STATS! I'm here for a few yuks and maybe a guffaw, pal. You want stats, buy an abacus.

Anyway, back to lovely Safeco Field, where Roy Halladay will be on an unfamiliar short leash for his start today. Not because he's shitty or the Blue jays have anything to play for, but because he could literally be traded ANY MINUTE NOW. Seriously, in the middle of his windup he might be tackled by two player-personnel guys from the Phillies and whisked to a waiting helicopter. It's that secretive and intense in the Roy Halladay Saga.

Everyone is shocked, shocked I tell you, that Toronto GM J.P. Ricciardi's super-serious Halladay trading deadline of yesterday was complete bullshit. Doc is still in play, but most teams publicly claim to be offended by Ricciardi's immense greed in the number and quality of prospects it will require to secure his services. Philly refuses to part with Kyle Drabek, the Red Sox balked at Daniel Bard, the Dodgers won't even discuss Clayton Kershaw. Which is all fine, those three kids are fucking studs, and there's a chance that all three will some day win Cy Youngs.

There's also a chance, however, that all three are in a holding tank with Ryan Leaf in two years recounting how they blew out their elbows and no one gave them a second chance. If you're a second-tier club like the Pirates or the Orioles, you don't sell the farm for Halladay. You have to win through homegrown players, it's your only route to success. if you're championship-caliber, as the Phillies, Dodgers and Red Sox are, I think you have to seriously consider giving up your top two, three, or four prospects to get him. This ain't Freddy Garcia we're talking about here, this is the meanest ass-kickingest bulldog in the game. Put him on any of the aforementioned three clubs and the road to a title becomes smooth and straight. I'm not saying it guarantees a title, no one player can do that. But it makes it infinitely easier.

If I'm the Sox or the Phillies, and I just won a ring in the past 22 months, I can see backing off and protecting the depth of your organization. You won titles without Halladay and you might do so again. But the Dodgers, come on. The Cards, the (shudder) Yankees, the Angels...what are you guys doing? You get Halladay, you can start printing World Series tickets. Prospects are just that--they may pan out they may not. The Angles have hoarded their minor-league kids for years, and in my opinion it's cost them at least one additional championship. Remember Dallas McPherson. Supposed to be the top power-hitting prospect in all of baseball, now he's an usher for the Shreveport Slugs.

If Humberto and his fellow felons in the bleachers at Dodger Stadium think that a playoff rotation of Chad Billingsley, Kershaw and someone from the Kuroda/Wolf/Schmidt grab bag is going to cut it, I say good luck with that. It could happen--no one thought Cole Hamels was ready to be a postseason workhorse last year. I'm just saying that getting Halladay is worth the long-term damage to your system.

The Phillies are supposedly working up a cheaper deal for Cliff Lee, which I think is insane. Why would you give up 80 per cent of the talent you offered for Halladay for an inferior arm? Cliff Lee's a fine pitcher, and he's definitely better than Joe Blanton or Jamie Moyer or Pedro Martinez in terms of giving you a compliment to Hamels come October. But let's get serious here--championships require sacrifice.

Opposite Halladay at Safeco today is Ryan Rowland-Smith, a distant cousin to Malcolm Jamaal-Warner and Mahmoud Abdul-Raouf. If the hyphen doesn't get you the changeup will, so keep your head in and Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: Hot Diggety Dog

Apparently, there was a hot dog eating contest over the weekend, and apparently, some guy not named Kobayashi -- Joey Chestnut downed 68 for his second consecutive title and a world record -- won the thing. Now, I kind of loathe the phrase "only in America," but this is one event where I would make the exception. I find this contest absolutely disgusting, but I sure do love me some hot dogs. Had one on Sunday, even. Right after I took one for the team and took the most burnt bratwurst on the tray. Seems as though, what with Memorial Day, graduations, and Fourth of July, I've had quite a few dogs lately. In fact, my sister-in-law and I were talking about this last evening. One day last week, she had three dogs in three different settings in a 24-hour period. And apparently, she could've squeezed down another. She, uh, has this way with words, shall I say. She summed the experience by saying, "Three weiners in one day. Who'd've thunk it?" Approximately seven minutes later, over by the display of M&Ms and mixed nuts, she, downing a mouthful said, "Mmm. Chocolate nuts."

But baseball. Baseball. I've noticed a pattern. In yesterday's day baseball affair (link, cough), there were a bunch of National League day games, whereas in today's there're three American League and one N.L. tilt to wrap things up. Come with me, over the jump, and find out all about it.

Toronto @ Tampa Bay, 11:08 Central: It's Roy Halladay as the visitor in today's first contest. He faces David Price and the Bay Rays in a battle of wits and sliders. Halladay's 10-win first half, coupled with his below-three E.R.A. has been incredible. Price will have his work cut out for him as he comes in at 2-3 with a plus-five. Lucky for he and the Tampa crew, they have a four and-a-half game lead over the Jays in the A.L. East, which is surprising, considering some of the flash Toronto has, on occasion, shown this year. They lock up on DirecTV 721, XM 176.

New York @ Minnesota, 12:10: Precisely one hour and two minutes later, Alfredo Aceves will battle with Glen Perkins. Except that he won't; the Twinkie on the hill will actually be Francisco Liriano. Perkins, apparently, is ill and will go tomorrow instead. But anyway, Liriano comes with a 4-8 record, a 5.49 E.R.A., is fully loaded and available for 1.9 percent financing. Aceves, on the other hand, has strung together a quiet 5-1 record with a 2.03 E.R.A., from the 'pen. The pinstripe front office was going to give him the nod two weeks ago when CC Sabathia's chances of starting looked shaky. Today he's a definite go in place of Chien-Ming Wang, who's 2009 has looked shaky. They'll hate on one another on DirecTV 722 and 723, or over on XM 177.

Cleveland @ Chicago, 1:05: Matchup number three is a duel of southpaws as David Huff faces Clayton Richard and the White Stockings. Each hurler has one fewer loss than wins, and E.R.A.s they'd like to whittle down a bit. I keep expecting Cleveland to get their act together and get out of the A.L. Central, but when you lose eight of your last 10, that's hard to do. Chicago, conversely, has done the opposite. Watch these jerks play baseball on DirecTV 724, 725, or listen to their jerkiness on XM 178.

St. Louis @ Milwaukee, 1:05: For the league of hitting pitchers, it's right-hander Joel Pineiro against lefty Manny Parra. Though the Cardinal's record (6-9) doesn't speak volumes about his season, his 3.39 E.R.A. tells a bit more of the story. Another missing piece is that he's gotten very little run support in his appearances thus far. Parra, on the other hand, will make his first start in a month for the Brew Crew. After early-season struggles, he was sent down, where he wasn't all that much better. Either way, he takes the mound in the bottoms of the innings today at Miller Park. Don't believe me? Check DirecTV 726 or 727, or listen for his name on XM 183.

That's your slab today, folks. Enjoy some baseball, and hell, have a hot dog for lunch while you're at it.
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Baseball In The Daytime: July 3 2009

Suddenly flush with quality infielders, the Colorado Rockies sent Jeff Baker to the Cubs yesterday. This bums me out a little bit, because I know a guy named Jeff Baker and it was always cool to see another Jeff Baker playing at Coors. But then I heard who the player to be named later was, and I was happy.

In exchange for Baker, the Rockies acquired a minor-league righty named Al Alburquerque.

I didn't make that up, nor did I misspell his name. It's Alburquerque. I want this dude to make the bigs in the worst possible way, or at the very least play a little in Triple-A against the Isortopes.

Big news on the day baseball beat this Friday, folks, as there is a matinee that does not take place in the city of Chicago. It's not even part of a rainout doubleheader. That's right, Baseball in the Daytime is spreading, spreading like hepatitis. Once you get a taste you can't wash it out. Get infected, after the jump.

Toronto @ NY Yankees, 11:05 Mountain I'm not sure why the Yanks scheduled this as a businessman's special, nor if the Friday day-game thing is going to become SOP in the Bronx. Whatever, I applaud the management of the franchise, especially Assistant To The Travelling Secretary George Costanza. If old George Steinbrenner were still alive I'd shake his hand. Play baseball the way God intended it, under the sun! Today the B'Jays come to town, led by starter Brian Tallet. Meeting them at the gate will be former Beej A.J. Burnett. I know I've mentioned this here before, but did you know that Burnett once threw a no-hitter in which he walked nine men? That's hard to do.

Milwaukee @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 I'm so excited about that Yankee game (and I hate the fucking Yankees like I hate burnt toast) that it's hard to get worked up about--yawn--another Friday afternoon match at Wrigley. But come on! There's going to be girls there! Drunk girls! And you know what drunk girls do, don't ya? They watch Jeff Suppan and Big Z pitch, that's what they do. Then they throw up. Hold her hair out of her face, and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: May 18 2009

We've reached another milestone in the long slog that is baseball season: Reacharound Monday. Does this mean you can request that your comely coworker in the next cubicle bend an arm around your waist for a quick tug during coffee break? Um, you can ask, but the scuttlebutt around the water cooler is that he's not that into you.

No, the reacharound occurs when a weekend series lingers, like a houseguest who was scheduled to depart Sunday yet is still there Monday reading your newspaper. Nothing wrong with that, just save me the sports section. We've got a surprise first-place club versus an also-ran on tap, so follow the jump to the particulars...

Chicago White Sox @ Toronto, 11:07 Mountain It would be customary in this spot to rip the BJ's for posting that ridiculous seven-past-the-hour start time, but I'm going to take it easy on our Canadian neighbors today. The boys in Blue Jay are top dogs in the hypercompetitive AL East, after all. They're pitching, and they're hitting, and Cito Gaston is a bigger retro-hit than the remanufactured Chevy Camaro.

Meanwhile, on the South Side of Chicago, President Obama's favorite baseball team is looking up at the Royals. Today they enlist 25-year-old lefty Clayton Richard in the hopes of starting a hot streak, while the BJ's go with 4-2 Scott Richmond. Keep in on the black, fellas, and Play Ball!
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Baseball in the Daytime: 4-30-09

We go from no day games for a week, to six yesterday, to two today. I can't figure out the pattern, but I can give you a few details on today's match-ups, but you gotta be smart enough to know where to find 'em. And if you figure that out, explain to me how both Central divisions have three clubs knotted at 11-10 in the standings. Funkytown, USA. Speaking of which, if you want to play Funkytown on a keypad like Towelie did on South Park just type 55754 45085. Them's some good times.

Oakland @ Texas, 1:05 Central: A battle of .500 A.L. West pitchers kicks off today's slate down in Arlington as lefty Dallas Braden takes on ugly Vicente Padilla. Padilla has guided the Rangers to three wins and a loss in his four starts, two of which have been courtesy of walk-off home runs by kid molester Michael Young. Dude must've spent some time in Pittsburgh. Braden, 2-2/2.52 is the money man for a terrible A's clue that sits in the West's cellar at 7-11. They'll need a good outing from him if they want to gain ground on division-leading Seattle, who, by the way, really needs to start losing. Not only are they (Editor's Note: along with every other team I previewed) making me look bad, I think that it's been decided that it will continue to rain as long as they're in first. DirecTV 721 and XM 176 are your dial marks.

Toronto @ Kansas City, 1:10: Assuming the rain subsides long enough to squeeze in some baseball, Kyle Davies is slated for the home team; Brian Burres will go for the Jays. I really don't see how this game happens this afternoon, but assuming it will, the Royals need quick work out of Davies to keep the Toronto bats in check as the clubs have taken turns (7-1, 8-2, 11-3) kicking the crap out of each other the past three days, and the pattern says it's the Jays' turn. The lefty Burres has his work cut out for him as well, as his previous outing against Chicago lasted only four and-a-third, plunking his E.R.A. at a nice, round 12.46. DirecTV and XM take their respective stations up one notch from the previous listing.

So if you're in Kansas City or in Texas, head on out to the ball park. Royals fans should remember to put on their rubbers as per the forecast. Rangers fans should do the same this evening when they get home and cuddle up with their favorite goat.

(photo courtesy of John Sleezer, The Kansas City Star)
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Lineup Against the Wall: Toronto Blue Jays

The Blue Jays. Remember when they won those two consecutive World Series? Remember Tony Fernandez, Alfredo Griffin, George Bell and Jesse Barfield? Dave Steib and Jimmy Key? Ernie Whitt? Remember how Toronto residents didn't give two squirts and went back to reading about the Maple Leafs?

As a fan of the Cubs, I can only say, wear a shirt made of stinging nettles in Hell, you Canada-based bastards. You've had, over the course of the last three decades, more success than practically any team in the bigs.

But no one cares. Because you are the Toronto Blue Jays.

The '09 possibilities follow after the leap.

Enough time wasted on this boring team. Here's the lineup:

Catcher -- Rod Barajas
First Base -- Lyle Overbay
Second Base -- Aaron Hill
Third Base -- Scott Rolen
Shortstop -- Marco Scutaro
Left Field -- Travis Snider
Center Field -- Vernon Wells
Right Field -- Alex Rios
DH -- Adam Lind

Starting Pitchers:

Roy Halladay (R)
Jesse Litsch (R)
David Purcey (L)
Ricky Romero (L)
Scott Richmond (R)

Relief Pitchers:

Scott Downs (L)
Jesse Carlson (L)
Brian Tallet (L)
Brandon League (R)
Shawn Camp (R)

Closer:

B.J. Ryan (L)

Bottom Line: Yeesh. Not much to get excited about, even though they had a winning record (86-76) in '08. There aren't really any bats that scare anyone outside of maybe Rios and Vernon Wells on a good day. Rolen is history, Overbay is overrated (he isn't rated at all, really, but that just sounded right) and Wells himself, once a seeming superstar in the making, is not the player he was three or four years back. The pitching is where this team rises a little. Halladay is a legitimate ace and Jesse Litsch is an acceptable #2. B.J Ryan had a good '08, but will he keep it up? His head looks like a bullet, for whatever that's worth.

Projected finish: 4th in the AL East.
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