Baseball In The Daytime: 2 September 2009

Goodness there's a large number of day games on tap today, which is normally cause for jig-dancin' and hat-tossin' around here. Only problem is, today's Baseball In The Daytime features almost exclusively the dregs of the major leagues. You name a shitty, going-nowhere club, chances are they're saving on electricity bills by playing a ballgame this afternoon.

While that may be a source of consternation for other sports fans, the fact that you read the House of Georges tells me that you can appreciate professional athletics played poorly. After all, the rough focus of this blog is the "rivalry" between the Chiefs and the Broncos, two teams that may not combine for five wins this season. There's a certain beauty in bad baseball set in nearly empty stadiums. The echoing crack of the bat. The plaintive wail of a beer vendor. The dugout chatter you can hear in the upper deck. Clear out the schedule and insert your protective cup, as we bounce around the bigs after the jump...

Pittsburgh @ Cincinnati, 10:35 Mountain It'd be hard to say that either of these teams are very disappointing, but for the second year in a row the Reds have certainly underachieved under Dusty Baker. Maybe the pitching wasn't as great as it may have seemed back in March, what with the injuries to Volquez and Cueto and the general deterioration of Aaron Harang. But Jesus, this team really stinks. Pittsburgh is merely as bad as normal, on their way to their 17th losing record in a row. Today Zach Duke and Homer Bailey represent these two once-proud franchises, and both have promising futures (the pitchers, that is, not the franchises)--so long as they make their way out of Pittsburgh and Cincinnati.

Chicago White Sox @ Minnesota Twins, 11:10 The nuts who cover the American League franchise in Chicago have their collective thongs in a knot over the weekend moves of Kenny Williams. Williams, the White Sox GM, unloaded Jim Thome and Jose Contreras to NL contenders mere weeks after adding Jake Peavy and Alex Rios for an alleged playoff push. Sure, the moves are wishy-washy and inconsistent. But so are these White Sox. No team in baseball has been harder to figure out.

Take today's starter, Mark Buehrle. He threw a perfect game on July 23 and followed that up by taking another perfecto into the fifth against the Twins. But the Twins scored five earned against him later that night, and in his next two starts he was shelled for 12 combined runs. Then he went eight scoreless against the Mariners before getting lit up twice more. Buehrle's a good pitcher, but if he's your ace you're going to have a goofy, up-and-down season. Some kid named Brian Duensing starts for the Twins.

Houston @ Chicago Cubs, 12:20 Since we're now playing after September 1, a bad game like this is even worse. Instead of 25 lousy players in either dugout, Cecil Cooper and Lou Piniella will each have 40, count 'em, 40 lousy players at their disposal today at Wrigley. The combinations are infinite. Jeff Samardzija pitching to Aaron Boone? Unpossible on August 31, a virtual certainty today. Ronny Paulino and Ted Lilly start this thing off, after that it will derail in a hurry.

Kansas City @ Oakland, 1:35 Congratulations, Nationals fans--you've won the Bryce Harper sweepstakes. Thanks to KC's stubborn refusal to roll over you will now be allowed to draft Harper and create the most freakishly hyped battery of all the evers.

Seriously, Royals, would it have killed you to just lose a few more down the stretch? NOW you decide to play mediocre baseball, as opposed to the outhouse scrapings you exhibited from May through the middle of August? Weak.

Brian Bannister, one of the main culprits in this disaster I consider the No. 2 pick in a one-player draft, starts opposite Trevor Cahill. May a curse hang over your head, Bannister--I hope you win! You certainly aren't good enough to lose. Someone with your lack of commitment doesn't deserve to lose.

Washington @ San Diego, 1:35 Now these Nats, they have shown the professionalism required to do their jobs. Two years running they've had the temptation to win games late in the season but they have not succumbed. Their reward? First Stephen Strasburg, who throws a baseball at light speed and can win a game of Connect Four in three moves. Now, Harper. The Washington Nationals are a model franchise, at least among those that play games today.

San Diego can only dream of matching the Nats' futility, but Kevin Correia tries to monetize that dream this afternoon at Petco. Washington's starter is John Lannan.

Los Anaheim @ Seattle, 4:40 Hidden amid this landfill of bad baseball lies one buried gem. Your once and soon-to-be AL West Champion Angels take on the resurgent Mariners in a renewal of a longtime Pacific Rim rivalry, but that's not the story. No, the interest here is on the mound, where late waiver-wire pickup Scott Kazmir makes his Los Anaheim debut against King Felix Hernandez. Kazmir has been pedestrian this year with an ERA approaching 6 and has $22 million remaining on his contract, which is why the Bay-Rays made him available. He's a big-game power lefty with a history of success against the Angels' postseason nemeses from Boston, however, so this gamble looks solid. Hernandez has merely managed to put all of his considerable talent together in a great season (13-5, 2.77 ERA, 8.22 K/9IP, 3.35 K/BB) that will get him a lot of Cy Young votes. Hits will be at a premium, so lather on the pine tar and Play Ball!
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Baseball In The Daytime: Does Not Compute

This is July 15, but more importantly it's the day after the MLB All-Star Game. That makes it, officially, the shittiest day of the year. There is not a single game scheduled in any major sports league or even the NHL. You're going to watch the ESPY awards tonight, unless someone stops you. You might even (shudder) spend some time talking to your family.

I'm here to prevent you from making that mistake. After the jump, we've assembled a few baseball-related tidbits to tide you, poor American sports fan, over until action resumes Thursday.

BEAVER BELIEVER

There is in fact a professional ballgame on tap tonight, the Triple-A All-Stars are on display in Portland (home of the Beavers) and on ESPN2, as the Pacific Coast League battles the International League. I attended this game in Albuquerque back in 2007, and it's worth a glance. That '07 game featured a pair of future stars in Adam Jones and Joey Votto. Jones, then a Mariners farmhand, was traded to Baltimore in the Erik Bedard deal and drove in the winning run in St. Louis last night. Votto would have been an easy selection for the NL but spent a good chunk of the first half on the DL with anxiety disorder, which I could make fun of but I won't. The boogeyman in my closet won't let me.

The rest of the roster was populated by guys who've ended up as solid or at least fringe major leaguers (Clint Barmes, Manny Acosta, Delwyn Young, etc.) and a bunch of what we'll call Quad-A players. They can't stick in the bigs yet the dominate the minors. Timo Perez was in the 2007 game, as was Shelley Duncan, brother of Chris and son of Cards pitching coach Dave. Duncan's in the lineup in Portland tonight, as is PCL starting pitcher Justin Lehr. I think it's a bad sign for your career if you play in two Triple-A All-Star games in three years. You've, um, plateaued.

BLOW (ME), CANADA

There's a bit of a tiff going on in the aftermath of last night's All-Star Game, as Canadian asshole (sorry, I know, redundant) Justin Morneau felt his nation's anthem got second-rate treatment.

I'm trying to think of a way to handle this diplomatically, and with all the international sensitivity I can muster. Justin, lick my United Balls of America. That pregame fiasco was already half as long as the game itself, it did not need the Barenaked Ladies or some other awful moose-fuck orchestra to spend time setting up so you and the three other fellow Canadians who watched the game wouldn't get your knickers in a bunch. Don't like how we treat your national anthem? Go play in the Saskatchewan League, I'll bet they handle it with some serious class. They didn't even play the Japanese anthem or the Dominican anthem, and I didn't hear Ichiro or Miguel Tejada complaining. Even if they did bitch, I still wouldn't have heard it, those guys can't speak English.

JUDGE & JURY

Sonia Sotomayoris currently up on Capitol Hill for confirmation hearings before she's rubber-stamped onto the Supreme Court. McSweeney's imagines Sotomayor being grilled not by the dirty old pervs on the Senate Judiciary Committee but by the 1977 Kansas City Royals. Enjoy (thanks to Shysterball for the link).

JUST AS EVERY COWBOY SINGS A SAD, SAD SONG

You may have noticed a recent three-post stretch here on the House of Georges that all prominently featured a dirty criminal who's been banned from baseball. I've made my feelings concerning Mr. Rose well-known: Great player, deserves induction to Cooperstown, slimy lowlife, completely overrated.

I've heard a lot of Rose chatter the last few days as folks reminisce about the All-Star Game in which he ended Ray Fosse's career. A lot of baseball people thought that was a bush play, to injure an opponent in an exhibition. Rose apologists use the Fossey incident as a badge of honor evidence that Charlie Hustle never let up, that he played every game, even the meaningless All-Star Game, as if it were the seventh game of the World Series.

In light of the recent news featuring ol' Pete, I wanted to share this old story from Gene Garber. Garber was the Braves pitcher who retired Rose to end his NL-record 44-game hitting streak in 1978. Here's my favorite passage:

Rose complained afterward that Garber had pitched the game like it was Game 7 of the World Series, that Garber didn’t challenge him with a fastball.

So Pete Rose, beloved by drooling millions because he allegedly played every inning as if it were Game 7 of the World Series, was steamed because a pitcher didn't groove him a BP fastball so he could carry on his own personal statistical compilation in a blowout loss? I'm so shocked that Pete put himself above his teammates and the game of baseball. Shocked, I tell you.

To recap--Pete Rose: Great player, deserves induction to Cooperstown, slimy lowlife, completely overrated.

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Midseason Baseball Report: AL East

We're stretching this "Midseason" theme to comical proportions. The current working definitions at the House of Georges World Headquarters:

1. A point equidistant between the beginning of a season and its end.
2. Give or take a month from Definition No. 1
3. Sometime before rosters expand Sept. 1
4. Give or take a month from Definition No. 3
5. On the eve of a Carl Pavano start.

That's right, sports fans, tomorrow marks the season debut of one Carl Anthony Pavano, the Yankees' big free agent catch in 2004. Pavano inked a four-year, $40 million pact and then promptly took the next four years off. For that $40 million in Steinbrenner loot, Carl has contributed 111 innings, 60 strikeouts and five wins. C.C. Sabathia was traded to Milwaukee six weeks ago and has accumulated 73 innings, 69 strikeouts and eight wins in that span.

Pavano is making his third start since June 27--that's June 27, 2005. I'll be throwing a party, if anyone wants to come over. If ever there was an official white flag on a baseball season, the Yankees' decision to hand the ball to Pavano is it. The streak of not missing the playoffs since 1994 is finally, mercifully, magically, over.

So let's talk about the AL East, shall we? Joining us today is old friend Rustoleum, a lifelong Yankees fan and sophisticated baseball connoisseur. You could say he's slightly less excited about Pavano's start than I am. He also employs a literary technique known as sarcasm quite liberally--brace yourself. You can find the AL Central report here, and the AL West version here.

Old No. 7: Let's talk about our favorite division, the one typically dominated by your Yankees and my Red Sox. It's being led by that historically ass-kicking franchise that plays down in...Tampa? What's going on here? Why are the Bay-Rays still getting it done, months and months after we thought they'd fade?

Rustoleum: Tampa has become the A’s and Twins of the Al East. Right now they are just loaded with young studs in all facets of the game. Their pitching has just been superior. I’m sure their tremendous fan support at home plays a huge role as well. I know I always got fired up pitching softball in front of crowds that large… at Lee Martinez park in Fort Collins. Though I thought they would certainly fade due to lack of maturity, but pitching has just been so huge from starters to the pen. It’s certainly not the only case of pitching carrying offense (see D-Backs, Dodgers). Injuries to Longoria, Crawford, and Percy will certainly play a huge roll in where they finish and I’m thinking they still might fall short. But with two number ones in Kazmir and Shields, you’ve always got a chance.

Old No. 7: Meanwhile, the defending champs are just hanging around. They're not winning much (15-13 since the break), but they're still not bad (+117 run differential, 1st in the AL in batting, 6th in ERA). I have my theories, but why do you think the Red Sox have taken a step back?

Rustoleum: Have they really taken a step backwards? Third best record in the AL seems pretty good to me. But if you’re asking why they aren’t the best team in the league, there are two big reasons: Bullpen and Beckett. The bullpen has been an absolute dumpster fire, outside of Paps, and it certainly doesn’t help when starting pitching has been going only 3 innings. I heard Alex Cora was warming up the other night, I’m sure he has electric stuff. It seems like teams have gotten used to Oki-doki, who was huge last year, and Timlin is lights out regularly.

Beckett just hasn’t been as sharp as he was last year, I’m sure in part to a little hangover from last year. But there is only one October, and when the lights are bright the Sox will be the toughest out of the playoffs. At least it’s not 2006, remember the five game sweep?

Old No. 7: I have no idea what you're talking about, I'm still hung over from celebrating two titles this decade. Now let's get to your boys in the Bronx. Hank Steinbrenner conceded the season last week, and you're double-digit games behind the young Bay-Rays. Sidney Ponson is an effective part of your rotation, Richie Sexson was on the roster until just a few days ago, and best of all your scheduled starter for Saturday is Carl Pavano. Let's hear your thoughts.

Rustoleum: I’d like to use this time to talk about my fantasy baseball team. I have very few Yankees, which is a big plus. I do have Mariano, who’s a Hall of Famer, and Johnny Damon is having his best offensive year since coming over from the Evil Empire. I love that he’s moving back to center, his gun is one of the most feared in baseball. Did I mention my fantasy team was in first place and I’m gunning for my fourth title in five years? The Bronx did host the All-Star Game this year and I hear we’re the favorites to Get C.C. Sabathia next year. Remember when the Yankees were unwilling to part with Melky, Phil Hughes, and Ian Kennedy to get Johan? Those three play a lot right now and last I heard the Mets were in first. The Yankees are old and might be in a lot of trouble for years to come.

Old No. 7: I hate Canada, but the Blue Jays are quietly turning in another quietly decent season. Who are we kidding? They suck. They have a big payroll, because their owner is heavily involved in both whiskey distilling and the trafficking of sex slaves from Laos. Why can't the Jays get over these days?

Rustoleum: Remember when we used to do shots of whiskey when I would strike someone out in softball and talk about Brenda’s obsession with ladyboys from Laos? Those were the days. I heard Toronto was considering moving to Montreal and having the team learn French. I just don’t like the Jays, their problems mainly revolve around a lack of pitching and a lack of offense. The Jays need to take a page from the Rays, build from within and stop overpaying for douchebags like B.J. Ryan, David Eckstein, and Lyle Overbay.

Old No. 7: More importantly, are Roy Halladay and Vernon Wells traitors to their native United States for signing contract extensions in Toronto?

Rustoleum: They really aren’t traitors, they just like the health care benefits. Wells knows first hand, he’s spent more time on the DL recently than he’s spent active. The Jays were wise to lock up Halladay, Wells maybe not so much. The Jays have solid prospects coming along, such as Adam Lind and David Purcey. They can get there, but like the Yankees, you have to do it from within.

Old No. 7: Finally, we get to Baltimore. Both you and I have mined the Orioles all season for fantasy players on hot streaks--we're currently profiting from Melvin Mora and Jeremy Guthrie. Other than stat-whore goodies, what's the point of the Orioles these days? When will they turn it around?

Rustoleum: I really like the direction the Orioles are heading. I think the Bedard and Tejada trades stole awesome prospect that have already contributed like Adam Jones and Luke Scott. They have decent pitching coming up, like Garrett Olson and Radhames Liz, to complement Guthrie. This is a team that could really benefit by overpaying for a pitcher like C.C. and dumping awful Daniel Cabrera. That guy is among the worst pitchers on earth. They’ll get Chris Ray back to solidify the bullpen. If they hold on to Brian Roberts, the rest of the division should watch out.

Old No. 7: I know you've been watching a little bit of the Olympics. Are you as impressed as I am with the men's trampoline event and Chinese champion Dong Dong? Beyond Dong's prodigious feats of bounce, what are your impressions of Canadian female trampoliner Karen Cockburn? She can be a little rough on the ascent but she's smooth coming back down.

Rustoleum: I think the best part about the Olympics are the obscure sports. Fuck basketball and track, give me team handball, badminton, archery, and especially trampoline. There’s nothing like watching a bunch of washed up gymnasts make one more run at Olympic glory. Who hasn’t thought about their Dong-Dong bouncing up and down until the Cockburns? I know Banky had that problem last year. What I want to know is why the announcers for NBC have changed the name of shuttlecock to just shuttle for badminton? Are the scared to say cock? Would they just say Karen Burn or Karen Privatepartsburn? Adam Jones will always be Pacman, I’ll always call Isiaih Rider J.R., and it will always be the shuttlecock.
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Midseason Baseball Report: AL Central

It is not, of course, midseason, unless you're talking about growing pumpkins. With pumpkins you're about halfway between the summer solstice and optimal harvest. But we're not a pumpkin blog, as much as Cecil laments. We talk baseball here.

We typically try to get a little rundown on each division around the All-Star break, but this year's been squirrelly. Our AL Central expert, the dynamic webtastic international superstar Sooze from Babes Love Baseball, and I have battled foreboding work schedules in order to communicate. We actually ended up trading questions via Pony Express, which explains the serious lag time in posting. Them horses was rode hard and put away wet, but what's a little animal abuse when we're discussing the national pastime?

Using that old-timey technology made us pretty out-of-date, like when Andrew Jackson won the Battle of New Orleans after the War of 1812 was already over (never got the e-mail, I guess). Enjoy anyway...

Old No. 7: Generally we begin these breakdowns by focusing on our guest's favorite team. In your case that would be the Minnesota Twins. At the time of this writing your Twins sit a game and a half behind the White Sox, with the Tigers lurking at six and a half out (Editor's Note: That's now one and 8.5, respectively). Many would call your team's record "surprising," but isn't it simply the result of running your franchise well? Similar to how the Oakland A's tend to usually be in the mix with their annual modest payroll?

Sooze: I would agree with that. With today being the trade deadline (Whoops-Ed.), as a Twins fan I never get too excited. They don't go out and buy talent -- especially since the talent they do buy is in the form of aging veterans -- so it's a good thing their farm system is so stacked.

Old No. 7: What's your current assessment of the Johan Santana trade? It netted you Carlos Gomez, who started out great this season but seems a little over-matched these days. Of the three pitchers (Phil Humber, Deolis Guerra and Kevin Mulvey), who seems the closest to helping the big club and who do you think will end up as the best? Do you think you got good long-term value for Santana?

Sooze: I was at first incredibly sad about the Santana trade. I have a crapload of #57 stuff that was pretty hard to look at for a while. Carlos Gomez (I like to call him Go-Go cause dude runs like the wind) really was a pleasant surprise at first, but now it's pretty clear that Denard Span maybe should have won the starting job this Spring. That guy is awesome. Gomez is chock-full of promise and potential though, so I think the Twins got the upper hand in the deal.

As for the three pitchers they received, they're all kind of meh this season. Guerra is pitching down in Single-A and fighting to keep his ERA under 5.00, even with a 10-6 record. Humber is also struggling with the Red Wings, but has the potential to be a decent strikeout pitcher someday. Mulvey? 3-8 with a 3.81 ERA. Ah, young guns. Gotta love 'em.

Old No. 7: You wrote a while back about the controversy surrounding Francisco Liriano's tenure in the minors. Do you think he'll be up soon, and do you think he'll pick up where he left off before his elbow surgery? (Liriano was called up and in his first start back August 9 threw six innings of three-hit shutout baseball-Ed.)

Sooze: I hope Liriano makes it up soon with all my heart. I understand the Twins' dilemma of not knowing what the future holds, who to send down, trade, etc., but something needs to happen before his agent takes desperate measures, like putting a hit on Glen Perkins. I also see the apprehension that may come with remembering his 0-3 record and 11.32 ERA, accumulated over just 10 1/3 innings this April. Franchise (as he was dubbed in '06) is kicking ass down in AAA, though, fanning 113 batters in 118 1/3 innings. The only problem with that is the fact that the minors aren't the big leagues. There is a reason these kids aren't up in the majors, and 90% of that reason is because they pretty much suck at baseball. Translation: not all that challenging.

Old No. 7: What's the status of the rest of your pitching staff? It seems like the no-name rotation is holding together quite nicely and the bullpen has weathered the loss of Pat Neshek. Even HoG favorite Boof Bonser has found a home in the 'pen.

Sooze: Greatest combination of suckiness as of late? Livan Hernandez getting bitch-slapped for four innings, just before Bonser comes in to surrender 3-4 more runs. It seems like the only time Boof even pitches anymore is in a non-save situation or when Minnesota is down eleventeen runs in the sixth. Anyway, if I had to choose someone to let go, it would be Hernandez (Livan was claimed off waivers yesterday by your Colorado Rockies-Ed.). I like the looks of a young rotation, one that could be used for seasons down the road.

Old No. 7: Can this team hit enough in the second half, or might they look at adding a bat before the deadline?

Sooze: Man, they never look. If Terry Mulholland were to come out of retirement today, the Twins would probably give him a contract. And yeah, they can hit. My Canadian Crusher still hits bombs sometimes and Mauer could get on base in his sleep. Also, Nick Punto is totally flirting with .300! No, I am not delusional.

Old No. 7: Are you excited about the new park? I've only spent a little time in Minnesota, and it was in the summer when it was beautiful. How many games do you see being affected by weather and cold each spring?

Sooze: I am SO PUMPED for the new park. I went to U.S. Cellular in June to see the White Sox steamroll the Twins, and it poured all weekend, yet I was still loving every second, simply because the game was played outdoors. But when the time comes to play outdoor baseball in Minnesota, we'll be seeing a lot of make-ups from early-April blizzards. And hopefully October blizzards. too.

Old No. 7: All right, let's take a lap around the Central. The first place White Sox have been resilient--they clobber the baseball, get key outs late in games (and are now getting their closer back) and their starters have been good enough. Do you see them maintaining their success or falling off?

Sooze: I can't answer this question without being completely biased. I hate the White Sox -- making this whole Ken Griffey Jr. being so lovable thing really tough -- so I cannot have the slightest bit of confidence in them. I do, however, love Carlos Quentin.

Old No. 7: After Detroit added a few big-name vets to a loaded roster, many all but handed them the AL pennant back in March. The Tigers were awful this spring but have managed to get themselves back on the radar. They're certainly capable of making a run, do you think it will happen?

Sooze: I called a Detroit Tigers World Series championship this Spring on the Treehouse Fort podcast. Pretty much all season they've made me look like an asshole. I'm glad they're starting to bring it, but no. No ring for Motown, especially now that they've traded Pudge for Farnsworth.

Old No. 7: The other team the pundits forecast greatness for was the Cleveland Indians, who currently reside in the AL Central cellar. They've dealt with injuries, yes, but so has every other club. Is 2008 a one-year aberration, or are Indians fans looking at dark times again?

Sooze: Ah, rebuilding. It seems like it was just a couple seasons ago the Indians were rebuilding. Oh wait, that was a couple of seasons ago. They have some young talent, some hard-hitting vets, and a hell of an ace, but the aliens who abducted the real Cliff Lee will need to put him back eventually. Also, no more C.C.

Old No. 7: Finally, we have an obligation to discuss the Royals--the House of Georges was recently named the 38th best Royals blog on the whole Internets. They've certainly shown improvement in the last three seasons but are a long way from legitimate contention. Tell me this: your Twins have a similar payroll and similar attendance figures to Kansas City, yet you regularly contend and qualify for the playoffs and they do not. You consistently produce guys like Santana, Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau, and bring in quality pieces like Liriano, Gomez and Joe Nathan via trades. What separates your particular brands of small-market baseball?

Sooze: There's something kind of sissy about powder blue unis.

Old No. 7: Sissy? What are you talking about? I'll agree that the new blues are a joke (I hate the dark trim, white pants and black shoes), but come one. Does this look like a sissy to you? Or this? Oh, wait, you're bagging on Kansas City--you're absolutely right. Sissy.

Update: I'm getting a lot of feedback on that photo, and I must point out that it is not of Sooze. That's just some rock star that happens to also be a Twins fan. Sooze, while a Twins fan and a rock star, does not have a beard. I've never met her but I have seen her MySpace page--no beard. So stop asking.

Update No. 2: I forgot to link to the AL West edition, it's here. There's a good chance we'll have midseason reports on the other divisions up by the end of the season. If not check back in the offseason, or perhaps next season.
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