Nobody Likes Me

Sports fans, these are tough times. The landscape of jockhood is littered with stories about assholes, pricks and outright salad-tossers. Read any sports page or catch any talk radio broadcast in America today, and you get nothing but whining bullshit by and about some of the most unlikeable athletes imaginable.

The Rapist wants out of L.A. Actually, no he does not. Which is it? Paper or plastic? I'm the wrong guy to ask, as I follow not the NBA, but Kobe is a great player, not a great guy. Yes, that's an earthshattering revelation.

Ron Mexico is inching ever closer to a criminal indictment, and in the big house he can wager on fights between blind inmates. If you're a Falcons fan this is a big deal. For those of us who don't fondle our first cousins, Mex was on the precipice of marginal status anyway.

San Francisco Outfielder (longtime fantasy baseball owners will get that one) is closing in on Hammerin' Henry. Bud Selig may attend, Barry may donate some paraphernalia to Cooperstown, and everyone wishes we could just get this sad episode behind us.

Our old friend A-Rod is bush-league, and he may or may not have a piece or two on the side. This is only relevant because of his status as the game's most talented player, and has nothing to do with the fact that his team is pathetic. In other Yankee news, I actually heard the ESPN crew last night discuss the possibility of Cashman not activating Rocket and saving the cash, since he's signed to a minor-league contract. Stunning.

Elsewhere in the AL East, the wife of Tampa slugger Elijah Dukes would like a divorce. That's a smart broad.

And Iron Mike is back in the fight game, but his criminal past is infringing upon his plans. I happen to think that Mike would be a great cornerman. He's always been such a rational practitioner of the sweet science, and his decision-making is top-notch.

One of the problems associated with being the most talented and respected writer (Editor's Note: This is not true.) at the best sports blog in the whole fucking world (Ed: Also a blatant lie.) is that our millions of reader(s) expect me to react to this shit. It's not fun. I'd rather write about the good guys, like Yook and his 22-game hit streak. But the big news is the big news, and it makes me want to cover Wall Street today. Hopefully this weekend will bring about some warm and fuzzy sports news, and perhaps a Cecil sighting to boot.