Thursday, May 3, 2007

Just Give Me The Damn (Redacted)

The food service establishment closest to my office happens to be a Subway in a strip mall. I go there about once a week. Right next door to the Subway is a tanning salon, and the primary desk employee at that tanning salon is this hot little blonde who always smiles at me.

Many a time I've walked by the blonde, smiled back at her, and fantasized that one day she would pull me into her business, throw me down on a tanning bed and fuck me blue. It never happened, but it was totally in the works, dude.

Anyway, I went to Subway yesterday and the blonde was gone. The tanning salon is moving somewhere far away, and I'll probably never see her pouty lips or perfect ass again.

Keyshawn Johnson is also gone, cut by the Carolina Panthers after they drafted his clone Dwayne Jarrett. His career stats are pretty nice: 10K+ yards, 814 catches, 64 TDs and a ring in a decade of solid work. He'll get some run for the Hall but hopefully won't get in, and he'll try out for a few teams but hopefully won't sign with the Broncos.

I'm really going to miss that blonde. She used to make my day. Keyshawn? Not so much.

If you're into the funny videos on the YouTube, go here for more mocking of Keyshawn. This comes via Deadspin, and With Leather, and pretty much every other sports blog around. We like to do things last around here, but with style.


blairjjohnson said...

Why not? I can hear your PA guy now. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrod rrrrrrrrretires. PA guy spices it up and does some "Fish Called Wanda Shit" every time he gets the damn ball. Hell, even give him Mister Missouri Southern's number.

That pass, c-c-c-caught by number 80, K-K-K-Keyshawn Johnson.