Jocks v. Nerds

The nation (and the Nation) breathlessly watched as Rocket mowed down the Toledo Mud Hens yesterday and proclaimed himself ready to play for his last-place employers. Good times.

After the game, the press conference turned mean and nasty when some reporter (I'm really annoyed than several seconds of research did not reveal his or her name) brought up the fact that Rocket is not universally adored. Quoth Rock:

"If you want to be negative be negative. I'm not a negative person," he said. "You be negative as much as you want. If I stink and I don't pitch well out there, I know I stink. I don't need you tell me that. I have pride in what I do. I'll pull my heart out and set it right there [pointing to the table] for you to see it. When I perform, I've done it. I got that from my mother so if you want to write and these other people want to write negative...everything has to be negative these days. There always had to be a negative. I've always been positive in my life. It won't end. I don't want to be around negative people. So I won't associate myself with those people. So if it makes you feel good to write negative stuff then go ahead but you've never been in the arena. Never been in this arena to understand what it's like. Keep that in mind. People read your column and associate things with me that are not true. I'll answer it as honestly I can so that 10-year old when he reads about won't assume things. You can tell how passionate I am about it. Ok?"

First of all, if you've seen the clip, Rocket starts to get a little misty, pounds the table and bolts. Real Leave It To Beaver stuff. I get the feeling that Rocket wishes he could go back and play in the Fifties, when ballplayers called their managers "Skip" and reporters knew their place. Of course, he'd prefer to take a tackle box full of pills from the Bay Area with him in that time machine, but that's neither here nor there.

What really gets me about this little outburst is that Rocket played the "you've never been in the arena" card. It's as old as he is, maybe older, and that's really old. Every jock who's ever lived has had this feeling. They get better and better, and they receive nothing but adulation and bullshit praise. And then one day some hack, a fat idiot who gets winded climbing the steps to the press box, criticizes them, and they lose it.

Listen, Rock. You're not some fireballing rook in need of Kevin Costner's advice. You've been around the block and you know how this works. You're making $28 million of George Steinbrenner's money for half a season's work. George has never "been in the arena" either, but you resepct what he does, right? Over your career you've earned more money than the GDP of India. And the reason you've banked so much is the fan interest you've created, interest that has been fed by the media you blasted yesterday.

Most of us that write about sports are failed athletes. If we were good athletes we'd still be playing, because that's fun. Writing is work. Even the bullshit that I spew here takes time, Rock, and talent. And a little shot of smack, just to get me through the dark times. It ain't a fuckin' walk in the park. I know you work hard, but that scribe you dissed yesterday does too. After all, he traveled to Scranton to watch you pitch in the minors. And Scranton blows mega-balls.

If you don't like it buy the newspaper--you can afford it. Then you can run whatever "positive" stories you like for all the innocent 10-year-olds out there. Until then deal with it, old man.