Saturday, May 19, 2007

Your Weekend Correspondence; or, Why Exactly It Is That You're Such a Tool

We try hard to cover a little bit of everything here at the HoG. Cricket, Elephant Polo, Big-Wave Surfing (love how they call Gabrielle's husband "Lard") Random Capitalization and Hockey.

Still, we have our little forts . No. 7 knows the innermost workings of Pro Baseball from minor league onward. Our Administrator is capable of executing a perfect neutral-zone trap against the world's, really, no wisecracking. He does that.

I spend a lot of time drinking. This makes me an expert in abso-fucking-lutely everything, but even in my besotted case, specialization becomes an issue. I trend toward the NFL, the NFL Draft, Pro Baseball and the NBA. I'm far and away the biggest supporter of professional American basketball amongst our lil' cadre. The Administrator only likes semi-pro players from one midwestern university and No. 7 is too easily distracted by a dynasty that lives in his backyard.

But to waste even a few more sentences on these playoffs--not happening. Not here. We've all read about Saint Nash's honor in only becoming a semi-flopper, Robert Horry's easy new nickname, The Human Sponsorship Reel leading his team to a place that is...ur, not maybe *promised* but still land, in any case, and a Bulls series loss that somehow failed to dim the yelling of Windy Citizens. And since we all did, no talk about it. None.

(Stay tuned for 4,000 words on The Preakness from the point of view of a parasite in Curlin's intestine.)


rustoleum said...

I didn't know you were an expert in Baseball. Your awful trade offers and me kicking your ass this week makes me think you're lying about that one.

3 time defending champs

Cecil said...

I know that public education wasn't a big thing in your village, but nowhere on this site is anyone claiming "expert" status in anything but getting handjobs.

As per the trades, well, getting a top-line slugger just rounding into All-Star form for Shane Victorino and Haren was a terrible idea. Awful. Simply. Awful.

You and I both know that I would have squeaked out a victory had my entire lineup not spent Monday-Thursday going 0-5. As it is, I could still take you down tonight if three guys (Posada, Beltran and Abreu) have big games.

Which they probably won't, but you're still queer as snow in June.

Cecil said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cecil said...

Problem is, you can't just *edit* posts. You have to delete. And I lost a good line about Kyle liking to give men blowjobs, dang it.

Anyway, I'm merely correcting my factual inaccuracy from post previous: Yes, I did in fact profess to achieving expert status.

And you know what? It's true. Very, very true.