Historically Speaking: Your Wife's Wrister

It would appear that there is much ado in the sports world today, even though there is very little going on. True, there will be some professional baseball taking place this evening, upgrading today over yesterday by epic proportions. Come tomorrow, all of the clubs will have returned to the diamond, and yes -- NFL training camps are in fact, right around the corner. So that promises awesomeness. In the meantime, we're going to roll out a few late posts today, and I have little to no idea what they will consist of, but our late start is either attributed to a) Internet problems, b) the fact that our offices are out of doors and we're waiting for it to cool off, or c) one of our staff members made the really intelligent decision to hit the strip club last night when bedtime was the better option but bedtime was not selected thus resulting in a late-night/early morning spent with actual crackheads who were actually smoking actual crack. One of these crackheads may or may not've been a wigged woman by the name of Star Cookie. It's possible that she was posing as a hooker and it's plausible that her wrist shot is not as good as most folks' wives.

* Today in 1909, the Washington Senators and the Detroit Tigers played a game of baseball. While that in itself is not amazing, the box score was. Tigers pitcher Ed Summers started for Detroit and pitched all 18 innings of a scoreless tie.

* One hundred thousand, eight hundred fifty-four fans gathered today in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil in 1950. The largest sports crowd in history watched Uruguay defeat Brazil 2-1 in the World Cup finals.

* Also today in 1950, Major League Baseball's American and National Leagues combined for 37 home runs among 16 teams. The AL cranked 12, the NL 25.

* The United Fucking States of America States Senate and House of Georges Representatives unanimously voted today in 1964 to grant a federal charter to Little League Baseball Incorporated.

* Normally, we don't get into the tabloidy stuff, but there are a few folks for whom I personally will make the exception. Janet Jones is not one of them, but if she married Wayne Gretzky today in 1988, which she did, then she can share a bullet point.

And your Sports Illustrated quote of the day came from the mouth of...



...former Los Angeles Dodger southpaw Al Downing, who, in 1974, delivered a Kyle Farnsworth to Hank Aaron. Aaron, in turn, put his 715th career home run in the books with that pitch, and Downing, when asked about it 20 years later, said: "I never say 'seven-fifteen' anymore. I now say 'quarter after seven.'"
Read more

Dear Lord In Heaven Please Please Make It End

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post. Read more

Tradition Tuesday: Camp Bailey

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post. Read more

Baseball In The Daytime: 6-22-07

You ain't got no job, and you ain't got shit to do.

BITD on a Friday is a rare treat and is generally only available when the Cubs host a weekend series. Today on the South Side of Chicago, however, the Cubs will play on a Friday afternoon in road grays. Their opponent? The rival White Sox, in what has become a delicious crosstown war.

Once was the time when Cub fans overwhelmed their White Sox counterparts. The Baby Bears have always been the more fashionable team, with the cooler ballpark in the cooler neighborhood, and the blue-collar Pale Hose got the short end of every stick (especially newspaper coverage, as the Trib owned the Cubs). But two autumns ago the Americans won it all and awakened a sleeping giant in the Windy City. Now it is Sox fans that swagger into Wrigley and act like they own the place. For an outside observer, it's lot of fun.

Neither team has much to get excited about this season. After a brief period in which the Cubs came together and Milwaukee stumbled, the Brewers are back firing on all cylinders. While Lou's dudes are by no means out of the race--we are, after all, talking about the Brewers here--their flaws look congenital once again.

I got to thinking this morning about the White Sox, once again assuming that their superior talent and especially rotation would get them going at some point. Looking at the facts, though, I realized that I've been smoking the rock. The White Sox have deteriorated right before our eyes. The lineup is full of holes, and the rotation is so much shittier than the Indians' and Tigers' it's not even worth discussing. They're lucky to be 11 1/2 out.

With that kind of intro, I'm sure you're fired up to catch this game. It drops at 2:05 Mountain on XM 181 and two DirecTV Extra Innings channels: 734 for the old TVs and 731 for the shiny high defs. No word on a WGN broadcast, but I always kind of hope for The Hawk ("He gone.") to put it on the board, yes. If he's not around I'll just listen to Ron and Pat.

Your starters today are Carlos Zambrano and Mark Buehrle, both of whom could be pitching elsewhere in a month. These guys both have ace stuff but flaky focus, and both have pretty much evolved into grinders instead of virtuoso practitioners of the pitching arts.

Read more

Nobody Likes Me

Sports fans, these are tough times. The landscape of jockhood is littered with stories about assholes, pricks and outright salad-tossers. Read any sports page or catch any talk radio broadcast in America today, and you get nothing but whining bullshit by and about some of the most unlikeable athletes imaginable.

The Rapist wants out of L.A. Actually, no he does not. Which is it? Paper or plastic? I'm the wrong guy to ask, as I follow not the NBA, but Kobe is a great player, not a great guy. Yes, that's an earthshattering revelation.

Ron Mexico is inching ever closer to a criminal indictment, and in the big house he can wager on fights between blind inmates. If you're a Falcons fan this is a big deal. For those of us who don't fondle our first cousins, Mex was on the precipice of marginal status anyway.

San Francisco Outfielder (longtime fantasy baseball owners will get that one) is closing in on Hammerin' Henry. Bud Selig may attend, Barry may donate some paraphernalia to Cooperstown, and everyone wishes we could just get this sad episode behind us.

Our old friend A-Rod is bush-league, and he may or may not have a piece or two on the side. This is only relevant because of his status as the game's most talented player, and has nothing to do with the fact that his team is pathetic. In other Yankee news, I actually heard the ESPN crew last night discuss the possibility of Cashman not activating Rocket and saving the cash, since he's signed to a minor-league contract. Stunning.

Elsewhere in the AL East, the wife of Tampa slugger Elijah Dukes would like a divorce. That's a smart broad.

And Iron Mike is back in the fight game, but his criminal past is infringing upon his plans. I happen to think that Mike would be a great cornerman. He's always been such a rational practitioner of the sweet science, and his decision-making is top-notch.

One of the problems associated with being the most talented and respected writer (Editor's Note: This is not true.) at the best sports blog in the whole fucking world (Ed: Also a blatant lie.) is that our millions of reader(s) expect me to react to this shit. It's not fun. I'd rather write about the good guys, like Yook and his 22-game hit streak. But the big news is the big news, and it makes me want to cover Wall Street today. Hopefully this weekend will bring about some warm and fuzzy sports news, and perhaps a Cecil sighting to boot.

Read more

Lifelong Assdom

I used to be a small fan of Adam Carolla, back when Loveline was only on the radio. Now, having heard him repeatedly make fun of the Playmaker's mother, he's my new best friend. By the way, can #88 ever conduct six seconds of television without repeatedly molesting the other men around him? Effin' douche.

Read more