Baseball in the Daytime: el Dos de Rocktober

Well, well, well. The Colorado Rockies, as I'm sure all four of our readers already know, kicked the snot out of the Milwaukee Brew Crew yesterday afternoon, and earned themselves a playoff spot for the second time in three years. Now, if they can knock off the as-of-late pussified Dodgers, they could earn themselves a handsome little division title. They'll get after it this evening, by the way, out at the confines in a tilt that features the 11-6 Randy Wolf and the 14-12 Ubaldo Jimenez. In other playoff news, the Red Sox finally saw enough distance between themselves and the Rangers to squeak in, which means everything's a lock except for the damn A.L. Central. Minnesota took the win yesterday to bring things back to a two-game difference again. They host the Royals today; they'll need to win and get some help from the Ozzie Guillens who visit Detroit. Should be interesting-ish. Your unlighted, non-playoff (playoff?) baseball still awaits, after the jump.

Arizona @ Chicago, 1:20 Central: Billy Buckner and Tom Gorzelanny. One righty, one lefty. Two teams that will say "thanks and see ya'" to 2009 come Sunday. They'll get underway in the Field of Wrigleys this afternoon, and it'll be up to the Baby Bears to try and cool off the smokin' hot Pirates? XM was kind enough to include Rocktober in their schedule, and they'd therefore love it if you listened in to the game on channel 183. The DirecTV Webmasters are obviously not that intelligent.

Enjoy your last afternoon of regular-season day baseball. Go Broncos! Rockies!
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These Here Baseballs

I know I promised a post about why New Englanders make such asshole fans, but I realized that said post could, quite literally, go on indefinitely. And as I've no desire to shit myself in this chair--well, not on my first drink anyway--I'll leave it alone. Besides, the sporting world could use a respite from that part of the country. (Ed. note: Ol' No. 7 is a lifelong Red Sox homer but managed to escape the actual Bostonian curse, i.e. gameday douchebaggery, because his parents had the foresight to raise him deep, deep in southern Colorado, far from Narragansett, lobster and Southie. I, on the other hand, was raised a Cubs fan and remain a loser regardless of geography.)

Instead, let's try catching up on some stuff. Like the fact that the Rockies--I'm contractually bound to root for them unless they're playing the Cubs--are one game away from a lavatorial clockwising of their best season ever.

I didn't honestly think they'd beat the Sox. Boston has too many good starters and too many big bats, and they seized that late momentum while the Rocks played simulated 4-inning jerkoffs. But I didn't expect them to be this bad. Take last night. Please.

I mean, wow. Josh Fogg looked terrible, worse than he has in months. Brian Fuentes needed to have a solid one-two-three inning, he quickly dropped trou and offered his own jelly. What looked like a possible sparkplug comeback, the kind of late-inning rally that would fire up the hometowners, devolved into another drab beating.

Give Boston all the credit here. Francona stole Hurdle's magic managerial keychain. Their rookies outplayed Colorado's--Pedroia is the real schlemiel, despite his multiple hemp necklaces and gerbilesque visage. Youkilis got hot at the perfect time, even J.D. Drew decided to leave the world of Suck behind for a few nights. I hope he at least tried a hot dog while he was here.

Having said all that, I have hopes that Cook will win tonight. Delay the inevitable...ah, fuck that. Let's stanch this wound now. I say Boston takes it with a 7-5 victory and celebrates in front of the Monforts' offices with a pile of underage hookers and cheap Mexican heroin.


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