Lineup Against The Wall: Colorado Rockies

We're but a day away from yet another fake Opening Day, and in 48 hours we can kick of the season for reals. We've meandered through a selection of promising offensive baseball teams (and the Royals), so we might as well spend some time on the home state nine.

You may have heard, even if the only sport you follow is dog tossing, about the Colorado ROCKies. They attended the World Series last October ROCKtober after winning something like a hundred games in a row. That's hard to do. They then lost, of course, but all forty-three baseball fans in the Centennial State have boners ROCK COCKS over the prospect of a decent team on Blake Street.

So follow me, friends and foes, to Clint Hurdle's lineup card...

1. Willy Taveras CF
2. Clap Clap Clap-Clap-Clap Clap-Clap Clap-Clap TULO! SS
3. Matt Holliday LF
4. Todd Helton 1B
5. Garrett Atkins 3B
6. Brad Hawpe RF
7. Yorvit Torrealba C
8. Jayson Nix 2B
9. Pass

Pretty nice, huh? This team's fate will not be determined in the batter's box, of course, but on the mound. Still, getting this kind of depth and power out of your sticks never hurts.

Taveras is not a very dynamic hitter, but someday the kid Dexter Fowler should supplant him. Willy is a masterful bunter and speed demon, and he sets the table for the lumber due up next.

And then the Murderer's Row begins. Tulowitzki clubbed six jacks in spring training, and he definitely has the frame to add power to his already mature plate resume. Holliday is in the perfect position--nestled amidst guys who will hit and two years away from a massive FA payday in another city. Helton's not a conventional cleanup hitter in that he rarely homers anymore, but every other peripheral he has is stellar.

I wish the Rockies had seized the opportunity to trade for starting pitching, with arms like Santana, Bedard and Haren on the block. Atkins would have been a perfect chip, as he's on the verge of stardom yet still young and cheap. This would also open up an everyday spot for Ian Stewart or Jeff Baker. But, alas, it was not to be, and so Mark Redman is a vital cog in returning to the playoffs. Hawpe's a nice lefty bat to have among all the northpaws, and if he could cut down on his strikeouts he might replace Holliday someday as the straw that stirs the drink.

Yorvit, in addition to carrying the name of my future son, has had a fantastic spring. He's an able handler of pitchers with just enough power to keep you honest. Nix fills in for the departed Kazuo "Sex" Matsui, whose tale is, well, I'll let you read about it. I'm glad the ROCKies picked Nix, the superior defensive player, over the other options at second. They didn't need more production from this spot, but hampering what was in '07 an incredible web of leather on the infield would have been a mistake.

Rock on, kids, rock on.