Poring the Draft, v. Volume, Volume, Volume

And now time for a fun bit of speculation on what the Broncos and Chiefs will do with their picks in the upcoming draft. What's that? Not fun? OK, busted. No one thinks this is fun but me, and I once spent a few ferocious weeks gnawing an antique rocking chair because I thought I was a beaver.

First, the Chefs. Who need all the firsts they can muster..


Unless kcchiefs.com is wrong, the Chefs have 10 picks in the upcoming draft; their full slate, plus additional in the 5th, 6th and 7th rounds. That's a fair amount, which would lead one to speculate that they might trade up in some fashion, but I think Carl Peterson can't be bothered with that kind of shit these days. He's busy doing __. Anyway, these picks will all be better than the ones that long-suffering Arrowheaders will get in April--so enjoy, kids!

Round 1. Jeff Otah. LT Pitt
Sticking with this for now, although word is they were at Matt Ryan's workout. Could it be? Another young QB to throw into the briar patch?

Round 2. Jerod Mayo. LB Tennessee
If this guy lasts to KC in the second round, The Administrator should wet himself with joy. He won't, though, since his stock has been steadily rising, but I'm sticking with the mock for now--in real life this is more like a cornerback, maybe an Aqib Talib.

Round 3. Tommy Blake. DE TCU
Trying to find a true gem amidst the pile of Mountain West poop, King Carl reaches for a guy with mental problems--but who can also rush the passer. Then again, so could this guy.

Round 4. Chad Henne. QB Michigan
An actually smart pick, as opposed to the one that brought Mr. Glass to the City of Fountains. Henne played well in a big conference, has a big arm and doesn't look so fucking emo.

Round 5, #1. Davone Bess. WR Hawaii
This guy caught a ton of passes, and has the potential to be a good slot receiver, but beware of anything Hawaii in the NFL, unless it comes in a package with "Ma'a Tanuvasa" written on it. Also spent 15 months in Juvie, so he'll fit right in out on the plains.

Round 5, #2. Chris McDuffie. OG Clemson
I know nothing about this dude, other than that he's 6-6" and weighs 331.

Round 6, #1. Mike Hart. RB Michigan
The all-time leader at Go Blue is too slow and small to get drafted higher than this--could be a fine pick. Or not.

Round 6, #2. Kory Sperry. TE Colorado State
I'm giving you this guy as a fucking gift, and you'd best remember it. You can thank me later.

Round 7, #1. Jamey Richard. C Buffalo
Jesus, I'm too nice. This is a guy I'd love to have given to Denver--but hey, here you go...remember, though, that Buffalo has been the worst team in organized sports for a long time and this guy might be the reason. Not saying is, but, well, you know.


Ah, glad that's over. A quick chemical shower and it's time to get cracking on Denver...

Round 1. Rashard Mendenhall. RB Illinois
I'm sticking with this for this one last post, even though I've already changed my mind.

Round 2. Curtis Lofton. ILB Oklahoma
A true middleman to eventually step into the starter's role; for now, a solid backup and special teamer. (Note: I changed my mind about this since typing it, but I'll let it stand for now, because otherwise I'll never get to sleep.)

Round 4, #1. Steve Justice. C Wake Forest
Zone-blocking center. We'll coach him up into career-ruining stage quickly.

Round 4, #2. Andre Fluellen. DT Florida State
Sure, this is a little bit of wishful thinking, but what's this whole exercise? Penetrating tackle who played hurt as a senior.

Round 5, #1. Tom Zbikowski. S Notre Dame
Overrated, obnoxious, short and slow. And those are his good points. Still, he actually likes to play football, and Denver could use more of that. Also can return punts.

Round 6. Maurice Purify. WR Nebraska
Not only has he been arrested twice, he's slow and inconsistent. Did beat up on Aqib Talib, though...

Round 7, #1. Tyler Polumbus. OT Colorado
Every year, the Broncos bring in a few CU linemen. This one might actually make the team.

Round 7, #2. Barry Booker. DT Virgina Tech
Cheating again. He's probably more like a 5th rounder, but still--undersized tackle with quickness and the ability to penetrate, which Denver chicks love. Ba-bang!

There you have it. I swear I won't change my mind. For a few days, anyway.