Marlon McCree Is An Ol' Dirty Bastard

Cecil mentioned it yesterday, but I thought it deserved its own post. The Broncos added a couple safeties to the free agent haul, notably former Charger Marlon McCree. When San Diego dumped him, I had a strong feeling that he'd end up in Denver. While he'll certainly help at the team's single biggest area of need, I've always had the feeling that McCree is a dirty player.

So when he signed this weekend, I did my due diligence to catalog the litany of fines, suspensions and angry opponents that Dirty Old Marlon has left in his wake. Problem is that litany doesn't exist (Editor's note: Actually, it does. See below.) I found a few message boards with people bitching about McCree, but their evidence was as specious as mine: they simply had this vague notion that McCree was a headhunter. Besides, people that post on message boards are fucking morons, even more so than people that blog about sports. And that's a scientific fact.

So Dirty Old Marlon may not be so dirty, and the Broncos' shopping spree may actually be one of the shrewdest in the land. Rap sheets and moronic analysis after the jump...

McCree once took T.J. Houshmanzadeh's head off before the ball arrived. He was flagged for pass interference but the league declined to assess any further punishment. This is probably because Houshamazilly is an Islamic fundamentalist, embedded deep in a terrorist sleeper cell with a goal of killing the president. These efforts have been thwarted by two facts: one, the Bengals don't play in games that any president would want to attend and two, Marlon McCree is secretly employed by the CIA. Super-patriotic, but God damned dirty:

In Marty Schottenheimer's last game, Marlon McCree intercepted a Tom Brady pass that would have sealed the victory--except Dirty Old Marlon did not simply fall to the turf. He stupidly tried to advance the ball, Troy Brown stripped it, the Pats recovered, and you know the rest. Dumb, hot-doggy, but not dirty (no video).

In the playoffs this season, as Peyton Manning drove down the field for a potential winning touchdown, Reggie Wayne was open on third-and-long. Peyton got the ball there, Reggie got his hands on it, and then Dirty Old Marlon laid the wood to the collarbone of Mr. Wayne. One more crappy pass attempt and the Colts' title defense was over. I say nicely done:

So hey, maybe Marlon McCree wasn't such a bad signing. Maybe he just has a knack for making big plays at big times and knocking people the fuck out. All I know is that if he can ease John Lynch ever-so-gently off the playing field, he'll have served his country and the CIA can buy him a gold watch.

And combine the deals McCree, Niko and Boss Bailey received, you're still probably south of what the Raiders gave Javon Walker. I say probably because Denver is supremely assholish about releasing salary numbers like it's some kind of classified secret. The O-line got no help (Jake Scott went to Tennessee, Jacob Bell to the Rams and Pork Chop Womack to Boston Market) and the receiving spots are thin, but all in all I feel good about the club pre-draft. We may not go 6-10 after all.

Update: I take it all back. Dirty Old Marlon is indeed a soulless decapitating villain. And you know who tipped me off? Message board morons.