Lineup Against The Wall: Los Angels Of Los Anaheim

The House of Georges celebrated our first anniversary last night, in true blogger fashion. We huddled in our moms' basements all over the country and drafted fake baseball teams on the StubTubeWebNets. It was rip-roarin' good time, and if you missed it you are totally lame.

Many of the usual suspects of this grand parade were present, including your Administrator Banky, your favorite author Cecil, and yours truly. Muscular commenters Rustoleum, Waveland21 and Brian also participated, as well as some other dumb asses suave cats. It got us all lathered up for the onset of baseball season, which is still over a week away, fuck.

I would take this opportunity to simultaneously critique my opponents' clubs and brag about my dominant team, but that would create a shitstorm no one wants. Nothing makes a man more sensitive and bitchy than criticizing his fantasy baseball team, and there are not enough tampons available to stem the tide of whine that would erupt if I went at it. So instead of highlighting the missteps of, say, Brian, in last night's draft, I'll simply take a swing at his favorite big-leaguers, the red-clad Angels of Orange County, California...

The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (literal translation: The Angels of The Angels of the Green Chili Pepper) won the American League West last season, and seemed poised to run away with it again in '08 until their pitchers started dropping like flies. With Lackey and Escobar on the shelf, the Mariners are suddenly squarely in the picture (and don't sleep on the Rangers--just a hunch).

This leaves us with a scary proposition--the Angels may need to rely on their offense to make the playoffs this season.

Los Anaheim once again failed to land a franchise stick over the winter, so they will follow their tried-and-true formula: Sign an overpriced, complimentary centerfielder coming off a career year, run like hell, and hope for solid pitching.

Hey, it worked last year, even if the recipe didn't match up with the big guns in the AL playoffs. Mike Scoscia is the best manager in the game, and one of few that can actually impose a distinct style of play on millionaire asshole players. From that standpoint, perhaps it's better to acquire the Gary Matthewses and Torii Hunters of the baseball world, guys so thankful to be making huge salaries that they won't hesitate when asked to lay down a bunt or hit-and-run. I wonder if, had the Angels actually closed the deal on A-Rod or Miguel Cabrera, they would have transformed into a more traditional AL lineup and abandoned the old school baserunning chaos. That would have been a shame.

Anyway, here are your 2008 Angels, one through nine:

1. Gary Matthews Jr. LF
2. Chone Figgins 3B
3. Vladimir Guererro RF
4. Garret Anderson DH
5. Torii Hunter CF
6. Casey Kotchman 1B
7. Howie Kendrick 2B
8. Mike Napoli C
9. A shortstop

Right off the top, this team will feel the impact of losing Orlando Cabrera immediately. OC was a force in the 2-spot last year, and is the kind of all-around glue player that teams only miss when they're gone. The Red Sox have never replaced him. Look at what Orlando Hudson means to the Diamondbacks or Derek Jeter means to the Yankees, guys that do all the little things in all phases of the game.

I think it's a mistake to bat Little Sarge leadoff, that ought to be Chone Figgins territory. I would slot Kendrick second and see if the hype is legitimate. There's no real cleanup guy (this would have been A-Rod or Cabrera's spot), so bat Hunter fourth, Matthews fifth and let the rest sort itself out. You've got a big problem scoring, since you're starting below-average power at four power positions (DH, left, third and first). So you run, which again Scosci does better than anyone.

If Brandon Wood makes the club, you might get some slugging out of the shortstop spot again, and there's a chance Napoli blossoms or the Hunter/Matthews combo regain some of their contract-year pop. Kotchman is a good, patient hitter with gap power.

At best the Angels will deliver what they did last year, when they were an explosive, ferocious ground-based attack. They passed on the aerial circus of their eastern counterparts and turned in a symphony of magic on the basepaths. It's a tried-and-true, Joe-Morgan-endorsed strategy that requires a high level of discipline. I just worry that removing the Cabrera cog in the machine may cause the whole engine to sputter.

But if Jon Garland, who was traded for OC and is now a vital starting pitcher with Lackey and Escobar out, can't excel, it may not matter. Seattle, with a much easier April schedule, may open a lead on their SoCal counterparts that would be tough to trump. Until then, enjoy watching the Chili Peppers of the Right Angles sprint around the diamond.