Tradition Tuesday: Goin' Down The Road Feelin' Bad

I have to admit, when I fired up the laptop this morning and plugged in to the series of tubes, I was stunned to learn this. No, not that Peter King and Brett Favre share a romantic bond that transcends anti-sodomy law, but that Old No. 4 actually quit.

We're not here today to reminisce about Favre's career. Leave that to I Munch Brett's Bratwurst and other Packer blogs. Here we talk football of the variety played by the Broncos and the Chiefs (that is to say the bad kind), and we'll get to all of your free agent nonsense soon enough. But first, a moment to reflect on a stale old argument now refreshed.

We'll revisit this again when Brady and Manning quit, but in the Greatest QB Ever debate, Broncos fans and Chiefs fans split along party lines. Those residing east the 25th Meridian generally say Joe Montana, while those of us on the west side say John Elway. Chief rooters point to Joe's four titles as the definitive measure of a leader (and some even wedge Marino in between Montana and Elway, just to be dicks). Bronco backers, of course, know that Elway provided the perfect balance of stats (within shouting distance of Marino and miles beyond Montana) and winning (two Super Bowls wins and three other appearances on way shittier teams than Montana had to deal with).

Now, however, an inconvenient truth has emerged from the frozen tundra--you have to add Brett Favre to the mix.

Favre's numbers, of course, eclipse even Marino's. And the fact that he won the Big Game, even though it was just the one time, and lost another (which just happened to be the best game in the history of footballery) is certainly enough to scoot him past Dan. But could a myopic Chiefs fan or hopeless Bronco nut ever acknowledge that Brett Favre is the best to ever don the pads? I say no, but I also loved American-cheese and grape-jelly sandwiches when I was a kid. I'm kind of a moron.

Speaking of overhyped quarterbacks from cold, miserable towns full of unattractive women, Large Benjamin just signed a new deal with Pittsburgh. $36 million guaranteed, for Ben Roethlisberger. Yikes. The only reason this is not the worst contract in NFL history is this guy, currently the starting QB on the Leavenworth Inmate All-Stars. So it's only second-worst.

There are still quite a few free agents out there, but our teams seem dead set on not signing any of them. At least none that will excite their fans. But like I always say, Fuck The Fans. Both the Broncos and the Chiefs have season-ticket waiting lists longer that Lee Corso's trouser snake. They don't need to make some splashy move simply to fire up a bunch of knuckleheads.

And by the way, Demorrio Williams is a good player, certainly a big improvement over Kendrell Bell. Some aren't aware of this, but that's why I'm here--to educate those football "fans" that only pay attention to guys on their fantasy teams that players don't need to touch the ball to impact the game.

As for Denver's efforts in free agency, let's just say I had hoped for more. Re-upping Ebenezer Ekuban and John Engleberger is nice, those are both quality rotation guys on the D-line. If Niko can make an impact on special teams I then the move is genius--and if he makes a single tackle on defense I will praise whatever pagan Greek deity he worships. But Keary Colbert? Honestly, that's the worst signing I've ever seen. I'm not sure Keary Colbert would get selected in a Sunday pickup game on my street. He's awful.

I personally don't think they should have cut Javon Walker, but I know I'm in the minority on this one. I just became aware of his histrionics following the Vikings game (I was out of the country at the time), but does that really matter? He's a receiver, for Pete's sake, and receivers bitch. What do you think is going to emerge from the mouth of current golden boy Brandon Marshall when he wants more money? I'm just saying that releasing Walker, promoting Brandon Stokeley to a No. 2 spot he is ill-suited for, and signing shitty Keary Colbert is a huge step down from simply dealing with Javon Walker's pouting. That is all.

On a side note, Javon Walker once played for the Packers. When he held out for a new contract, Favre took the classy position of throwing his teammate under the dairy truck. Walker then blew out his knee in the first game of the season, the very reason he wanted the security of a new deal and the event that precipitated his move to Denver. So in conclusion, the Chiefs and Broncos stink and Brett Favre is an asshole. I suppose I could have just said that up top and not wasted a half-hour of your life. Have a great Tuesday, kids!

Update: I linked to Orange Bucksnorts a few times today--you should definitely take a little time to reintroduce yourself over there. They've undergone a facelift and it looks great, plus Mr. Hercules is taking great pains to break down all of the offseason Bronco shenanigans (as opposed to the lazy clowns that work here).