The Hater Rater: March 2008 Edition
I'll never stoop to a cheap page-filling trick like a power ranking, but I can, however, rate the teams in the league on one key criteria: How much they bug the shit out of me. My reasons don't have to make sense, I can hate a team just because, say Dan Snyder owns them. Best of all, everyone can play this game. Feel free to leave your rankings in the comments, and maybe one day we can turn Hater Rater into an actual poll.
But probably not, because I hate tasks nearly as much as I hate the Indianapolis Colts. Damn it, I just revealed my No. 1 squad. For the rest, dear reader, turn the page...
1. Indianapolis. They cover all the bases: Overexposure, grating fans, and they win every single big game against my club. If any team ever needed a locker-room herpes outbreak, this is it.
2. Pittsburgh. Even though things are looking up, we'll need many more of those old Steelers to croak (suggestion) to move them down the list.
3. San Diego.
4. Kansas City
5. Oakland
6. New England. I know everyone has the Pats higher, but the Shanahan owns Belichick like Dungy owns Shanahan.
7. Jacksonville
8. Miami
9. Buffalo
10. Seattle. The token NFC team could have been the Cowboys, or the Giants, or the Niners, or the Skins, but I went with the erstwhile member of the old AFC West.
Others receiving votes: Dallas, NY Giants, San Francisco, Washington, Baltimore, Green Bay.
Teams I could probably never include: Cleveland, Atlanta, NY Jets.
3 comments:
I like this exercise. A lot.
Here we go:
1. Those pesky Denver Broncos. Be nice to get a win at those newish Mile High Digs before the entire HoG staff has children. But, hey, I love this job.
2. Oakland. Yeah. They suck. And they beat us last year. Guess that means we suck, too. They're still an identity-less clan of douche bags, though.
3. Baltimore. Fags. Starting with Art Modell, ending with that ass clown Brian Billick, and stopping to scoop up Ray Lewis and Jonathan Ogden along the way.
4. Detroit. Just plain sad.
5. Colts.
6. Bolts.
7. Dallas. America's team. Please.
8. Atlanta.
9. St. Louis.
10. The modern-day Pats. I once was a fan of those that call Foxboro home. Since the hoodie and the dreamboat moved in, though, I've not found much to like.
Atlanta? Good God, man have a merciful spirit. That's like hating the Royals.
I mostly agree with 7's list, but I'd have the Ravens higher, probably in Miami's spot. And I just can't hate the Bills. Those poor fuckers are gonna lose their team to Canada.
I'd also put the Raiders first on general principle.
"Good God, man, have a..."
Oh, and I'd probably stick Dallas higher too, just because their fans still call them "America's Team" unironically.
/wish we could edit posts
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