Good Work If You Can Get It

I'm fairly certain that if athletes never got arrested the "blog" would never have been invented. It's pretty much the bread and butter of the medium. So when I went hunting around for something to write about this morning and came across this, well, let's just say these things sort of write themselves.

I've always been blown away when famous people of any kind get busted for drug possession. I first came upon this back in 1996, when a kid named Isaiah Rider was racking up points and arrests for the T-Wolves, his first of many NBA teams. Isaiah got popped that summer in an alley in his hometown of Oakland. He was shooting dice and smoking weed out of a soda can. Now put aside for a moment the idea of a millionaire inhaling his cheeba out of a modified pop can. What struck me the most was that none of Isaiah's boys took the rap for him.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: professional athletes need drug (and gun and hooker) caddies. If Isaiah's pal Abraham Jones (I'm totally sure he has a friend with this name) had simply taken the pop can and the offending dice when the squad car pulled up, we'd have never heard the story. No one gives a shit if Abraham Jones gets nailed for a weed rap. But if it happens to Isaiah Rider, NBA star, we talk about it to this day.

And if anyone needs a drug caddy, particularly if they're talented Denver Broncos D-linemen, feel free to contact the House of Georges. We have several qualified individuals available for a nominal fee.

Now I have no idea if the cocaine in question actually belonged to Marcus Thomas. I suppose it's perfectly reasonable that his friend, the driver of the car, happened to have a little blow when the car got pulled over and Thomas had no idea. Hell, Thomas' lawyer says that's what happened, and why would he lie? Let's just say I'm cynical about this shit.

But even though I doubt Marcus' story, I applaud his decision-making in the face of a potential career-ending situation. And if I'm Marcus' buddy, I'm in line for a nice payday once the dust settles.

Carmelo Anthony once got popped with some weed in a backpack at DIA. Now this was a problem, until his buddy stepped up and claimed the backpack. This was a bunch of completely fabricated bullshit, except it worked. Barry Bonds' ex-trainer is sitting in prison as we speak because he refused to testify against Barry. I have zero doubt that James Cunningham and Greg Anderson have been well compensated by Carmelo and Barry. Now I want a piece of that action.

If you are an athlete and you like to get high, or shoot people, or bang hookers, give me a call. For the low, low salary of $100,000 a year plus bennies, I will hang with your posse and wear a fanny pack. I know, fanny packs look really gay, but trust me it's worth it. In my fanny pack I have room for whatever narcotics you need. I can pack a small arsenal of handguns, although if you need Tank Johnson-type armament I made need to acquire a backpack. Then when the fuzz shows up, everything goes back in the fanny pack and I happily go to jail. But jail costs extra.