Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Oh My God

No matter what you think of the competitive balance in the AFC West, it is absolutely Number One in the NFL in one area: hilariously shitty free agency decisions.

Yesterday we went over the completely uninspiring record of the Chiefs and the Broncos thus far. Out in San Diego, where another division title is all but assured, they're asleep at the wheel as well. Instead of actively improving their teams with the talent available on the market, these three clubs are sitting on their hands.

The same can not be said of the Oakland Raiders, who made one good but overpriced move (Gibril Wilson for $36 mil, $16 mil guaranteed) and two spectacularly bad ones. First it was giving Tommy Kelly fifty million dollars and $18 mil in guarantees. Who's Tommy Kelly? I'll get to it, give me a minute. No, seriously, who is Tommy Kelly? Fuck off--the punch line is forthcoming, asshole!

Now they've gone and snagged ex-Bronco Javon Walker for--actually, let's go to House of Georges "Chief" NFL Correspondent Adam Schefter for this one:

...a stunning six-year, $55 million deal that includes $27 million in the first three years, including $16 million guaranteed. The deal is staggering when you consider the contract the record-setting Randy Moss received from the New England Patriots on Monday: $27 million over three years...
Thanks Adam, your service to this country is appreciated. Now, honestly, who is Tommy Kelly?

There are rumors currently circulating that Isaiah Thomas has secretly overtaken the Oakland Raiders front office. This is entirely plausible. At the very least the week that the Raiders have put together is in the same class as the offseason when the Seattle Mariners signed Adrian Beltre and Richie Sexson for a combined $114 million.

The good news is that as insane as Al Davis and his lackeys are for making these deals, the fan base of Raider Nation is just as sidewalk-licking crazy. Christopher Perales, you sir are nuts. To wit:
my initial thoughts are that this signing is a good one
Ok then, Chris. The guy that I'm really happy for is Javon Walker, who has gone from obscenely wealthy to lighting-cigars-with-hundred-dollar-bills loaded. I thought he'd be lucky to get a one-year, $5 million deal, but I failed to factor in the complete senility of Al Davis. Congratulations, Javon. Perhaps I should say similarly disparaging things about my employer and then send a resume to Oakland.

Coming tomorrow: Who Is Tommy Kelly? A Career In Focus.

Update: That's not true. We have no idea who Tommy Kelly is.

Second Update: Holy cow, I guess he has a Wikipedia page. I suppose if you sign the largest contract for a DT in league history you may want one of those. We'll look and see if it was created yesterday...

1 comments:

Cecil said...

"Just Blog, Baby." Holy Jesus. Raiders fans have nothing.

This signing gave me a funny little feeling downstairs. Al Davis, not only did you invent football, not only have you kept Fop pomade in style for nearly 137 years, but you are, quite simply, my favorite figure in professional sports.

A novelist would die of mercury poisoning trying to get high enough to invent you. You're like that imaginary salesman Bill Bratzky, except you really did try to eat a live weasel.

Keep on keeping on, sir. I hope you live to see your third millenium.