Friday Evening Fracas: 1-09-09

It's been a bit unorganized and free-for-allish around these parts lately, but don't fret: piece by piece, we are in fact gettin' the band back together. In due time, we'll find our circuits shorting, and our memory banks full, our very precise system of time management plundered and diminished. But that's just what keeps us going: your desire for more, and still more House of Georges originality.

In news of the non-bullshit, we've taken painful efforts to snoop around this series of tubes and find out what's goin' on out there. Come along. We won't disappoint. Too much...

Well, I'll be damned. All that gripin' I did about being a loser Kansas City fan has statistically paid off. Thanks, Mouthpiece Sports. You're the greatest.

The Big Lead draws a two-fer this evening: They think the Chiefs will get "that tackle" from the Crimson Tide, and, in extra, bonusy news, they've interviewed The Lone Reader's favorite all-time professional sports commissioner.

Yesterday, I thought Kissing Suzy Kolber had really outdone themselves. Only they can outdo themselves on consecutive days.

We haven't checked in on ol' JoePos lately. Check out this killer post on every Chiefs' fan's favorite topic, Herman Edwards.

Hugging Harold Reynolds has linked to this post today. I don't really know what's going on in it, but they call Chargers fans gay, so, uh, I'm down.

As any fan of the sports blogs knows, there's always lots of good reading material going on at Deadspin. Today's no different: They've linked to a story that suggests that Bill Romanowski wants to coach the Broncos (Editor's Note: God -- remember how I channelled you not too long ago, and begged for your heavenly assistance? I probably said something along the lines of never asking you for anything ever again. And, well, I lied. Please, if you can possibly intervene, allow Pat Bowlen to hire this man. I'm on my knees here, God.) And of course, yesterday was Jamboroo day. Get your read -- and your Kathy Ireland bikini look -- on.

Finally, Awful Announcing shows us the way to Joe Sports Fan's impeccable list of media faux pas in 2008.
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Now where was I?

So you were just sitting there in your apartment in the alley next to the Circle K thinking about the House of Georges and wondering, what the heck ever happened to that one Cecil dude who used to post here? Did he give up on sports and become a Cistercian monk? Attempt an around-the-world tour by sea kayak? Find his job disappear in the recession and, facing the grim spectre of homelessness, burn his house down for the insurance cash?

Hah, no, my friends, thanks for your concern, but none of that happened--my insurance wouldn't cover it, those pencil-pushing Mussolinis haven't heard the last of me--I've actually been holed up in a Chinese cave drinking mulled wine since the end of the Buffalo game. But I've recovered and am back to offer you, oh Broncos-lovin' fools, a hearty cupful of Hope, Barry O. style, for the incipient New Year.


Although that hope will not take form in a prediction of Denver victory. There's just no way. Even the Christmas spirit--er, spirits in my case--can't make me ignore this particular oncoming bus accident.

Not only are the Chargers a more talented team, not only is their offense starting to look as it did late last year, not only are they playing at home, in the dark, where they're 3-1, but the Broncos are wearing a toilet seat of hardened, enameled Suck around their collective necks.

All there is to it. This team has no heart, no consistency, an inability to seize opportunity, safeties who couldn't play for a team of head-injured kids in the backyard of Stonymoor Special House and practice squad scrubs at tailback. The kicker doesn't vote, Mike Shanahan has evidently decided that he can show up to work in a breakaway leather cop outfit and not get fired, our most feared pass rusher is none other than Gary Coleman and Invesco Field was built on the bones of the poor, their blood as mortar.

So I expect San Diego to crank out an all-timer tomorrow, something along the AFLian lines of 56-7 or 48-3. I expect Matt Wilhelm to depants Cutler during the 3d Quarter to a hearty guffaw by the Line Judge. I expect Philip Rivers to go 20 for 20 and have enough time in the pocket to soberly contemplate his own mortality. I expect LaDainain Tomlinson to score 5 touchdowns, the last of which will come as he swims into the end zone on his elbows and knees. I expect those noble, most assuredly not-Raider-fan fans of the San Diego squad to hurl light bulbs and used syringes onto the field between plays, at least one of which will give our long snapper Hepatitis A.

The hope I mentioned earlier? That's coming in April. It's time to prep for the draft, thank fucking heavens, the one day of the professional football calendar where no one loses...except the Raiders.

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Monday Morning Palindrome Postage: 12-22-08

Typically, I'd take this opportunity to congratulate Old No. 7 on hammering out, not only a weekend post, not only one of two weekend posts, but also sliding in to score post number 1000 here in this House of Georges. I'd then try and make a pun about this being 1001, but I'd probably be ridiculed somewhere in the commentary. So instead, I'll stick to some things that I know. Like, the fact that it's freaking cold out. Yesterday's loss to the Dolphins was 10 degrees at kickoff with a windchill of -12, making it the second-coldest game ever played at Arrowhead Stadium. Miami has never fondled the skins of pig in such chilly weather.

I knew this was coming, though. I predicted it in the RealLife Tubes back in June. Mild winter in 2007, topped with mild '08 summer equals a giant heap of frozen frickin' tundra. And like so many contests of this delectable season, Tyler Thigpen and the Kansas City Chiefs took to the literally frozen blades of grass and pretended like they were going to win for most of an American football game. And then didn't.

It's ridiculously sad and painfully true that 2007's 4-12 record looks pretty good from here. I mean, aside from the fact that it doesn't, that is. I've said before that I want to win every week, no matter what, but when it comes down to the difference between winning two games versus three or four, it's like picking your slice of pizza based on size. Yeah. That one's an eighth of an inch thinner, so it won't fill you up as much. Mmm-hmm. Funny thing is, folks've been making such commotion over these last two losses as if they really mean something. It's true that next week, both Missouri clubs will Indian leg-wrestle for the two slot in the draft, and the Chiefs will finish with one of their worst records in franchise history, and barring a six-sack day in Ohio, they will set a new all-time mark for the lowest in a season.

The point, though -- and I can now say I've learned this from experience -- is that the losses just stopped hurting. I type that with a straight face and honest meaning. They really do, and they really did. I think it was somewhere around the Saints game. That loss really pissed me off. The Chiefs were really in position to win it on a couple of occasions, but couldn't keep their act together. Then the Buffalo Bills come to town and score 14 touchdowns and some field goals, and yeah -- I was embarrassed to my inner core, but it didn't really hurt. It was nice to beat the Raiders for victory number two, and it would've been awesome to win in Denver, but I'm able to say that every year, lucky guy that I am. Somehow, though, it didn't surprise me that we lost to the Chargers by one point again, at the end of the game again last week, and I never expected us to beat Miami. Hell, they've played to win the game at least 10 times this year, and've nestled themselves into first place in the AFC East.

So even though I'm not certain that I realized it before this moment, I checked out on this season some time ago. When losses stop hurting, you as a fan have parted with your investment in the campaign. I'm sure there are fans that disagree, and to them I'll ask what the point is in caring. What does it matter if you score a win now? You buildin' a momentum clubhouse? 'Cause guys deserve it? Perhaps you think the fans do? Forget it. There is no deserve in winning. There're no sympathy victories, no pity parade, none of any of that. The Chiefs are perhaps "heading in the right direction," but the road they're taking to get there is called Awful Avenue.

So what do you do? Look west says I. Look west. Now, if I were a Broncos fan (Editor's Note: Thank you, Tom Cruise for not making me a Broncos fan.), I'd be weeping with the likes of Shannon Sharpe and Tom Jackson (Note: Mo' like Freddy Jackson) as they unsuccesfully try to break down this game, this stretch for Denver without bias. But I ain't. I's an Irish-Catholic, God-fearing Chiefs fan who is always there, waiting and ready with a box of Morton, all Pavlovian at the site of wounds like the ones the Buffalo Bills created yesterday. Therefore, I'm obligated, based on my faith and my DNA, to say "Thanks, God. You did some darn fine work, there."

Come 3:15 Central next Sunday, we'll be watching to see who's gonna call this game, and we'll be listening for the HochuliGate reference over/under, and some of us will be hoping for the San Diego fans to a) learn a little bit about football, b) purchase some tickets, c) attend the game in its entirety, d) remember the Alamo, e) at least try to make some noise -- wait, when Cutlerfucker has the ball, non Marmalard, and f) win this damn division. I'm well aware that that is a massive list, that in all likelihood, the Denver Broncos will pull the covers off this bed of feces they've been sleeping in since the Chiefs came to town, and rebound, securing themselves a post-season slot. Frankly, I don't give a damn who wins the game because the winner will only get hosed in the playoffs and officially send the entire AFC West away with its suitcase of shame.

In essence, this all makes me a cynical slimeball of a bitter, mean jerk. But you know, something's gotta take the place of pain via losses. Something.
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Two Out Of Three Is Actually Really Bad

Well, that was another fun-filled day of football. And by fun-filled I mean reminiscent of the time I washed my asshole out with soap and liquid hot magma.

The Broncos lost to a pretty damn lousy Buffalo club, which makes four losses in the last five home games--the lone exception being The Tradition. Meanwhile, out amidst the methlabs and dead babies of Florida's Gulf Coast, San Diego went ahead and took Tampa to the woodshed. So in my three-legged grand prediction of collapse, two of the three necessary elements have fallen into alignment. All that is left to complete this epic tragedy is a simple loss to the Chargers in Southern California next Sunday.

At least CBS confirmed my worst fears--until this point, no team has held a three-game division lead with three weeks to play and then failed to make the playoffs. In the entire history of professional football. So this choke job could come with a little history, which is always nice.

I'm sure Banky has just rubbed his dick sore with excitement over these happenings, and he doesn't even remember what transpired at Arrowhead today (yet another blown lead in front of a crowd of hundreds). But no matter. Were the tables turned, I'd be giddy with anticipation myself. It's not often you get to see a team implode in a manner that no one has ever seen before.

I did like how, for the second consecutive week, Jay Cutler threw a dozen interceptions and the opposing team was only able to corral two of them.

Once the whisky wears off and I put down the revolver, I'm sure you'll receive more rational analysis of the AFC West. Hoo boy, I'll bet you can't wait.
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Buffaloed

Thursday night's Indy-Jacksonville game marked the beginning of Week 16 of the NFL season. It's certainly crunch time, as few playoff spots have been decided and numerous teams still entertain January dreams.

Say what you will about the wretched AFC West and the decidedly un-first-place scent coming from its current leader. These are the facts: The Denver Broncos are 8-6 and hold a two-game edge over the Chargers with two games to play. On its face, that data ought to make a Broncos fan like me feel pretty darn chipper. Alls my club has to do is win one of its remaining games, or else witness a single loss from San Diego over that span, and we're in. Simple, right?

Um, no. These were the exact same circumstances the Broncos faced last weekend, only it was a three-game lead with three to play. For fifty-nine plus minutes Kansas City led San Diego at Arrowhead, and had that margin held the remainder of the regular season would have been moot. In a grand feat of treachery, however, the Mighty Braves of the Missouri River Valley buttfucked the playoff hopes of the Broncos with a collapse so incredible it caused GM Carl Peterson to self-immolate.

And then Denver itself drew a loaded pistol in Carolina, took dead aim at its own foot, and fired with impressive accuracy. So now the lead is two games, two weeks to play. What possibly could go wrong?

I'll tell you what, asshole. The Broncos could lose a game they should win (a skill they've displayed quite a bit this season) at home against Buffalo. The Chargers could win at Tampa. Then we could take it all up again next Sunday at Qualcomm and watch San Diego emerge victorious. Those are the three things that need to happen for the Denver Broncos to blow this seemingly unblowable lead. Any one of them in isolation is possible. All three in sequence is far-fetched but eminently imaginable.

I researched for at least six, maybe nine hard minutes to find the biggest collapses in NFL history. I found lots of single-game examples--the Oilers blowing a 35-3 halftime lead against the Bills in the 1992 AFC Playoffs, as well as Herm's masterpiece last week. I found teams that started hot, like the '87 Chargers beginning 8-1 then losing their last six to miss the playoffs. Or the '78 Redskins, who started 6-0 but lost their last five and missed as well. But I was not able to find the example I was looking for: An NFL team leading its division by three games with three weeks to play and coming up empty-handed. It may, in fact, be unprecedented.

Due to the sheer number of games, this phenomenon is much more prevalent in baseball. The list of teams that have blown big leads late is long and memorable: the '78 Red Sox, the '51 Dodgers, the '64 Phillies, the '95 Angels, both the '07 and '08 Mets, and my personal favorite, the 1987 Blue Jays. Toronto led the AL East by 3 1/2 games with seven to play, and they lost every single one of those games. Ouch.

I also can't let slide a few memorable choke jobs in playoff series, such as the 1982 and 1986 Angels (managed, like the '64 Phils, by Gene Mauch). There was also a team that wears pinstripes that fell apart one year, maybe '04?

And let's not forget the Portland Trail Blazers blowing a 15-point fourth quarter lead over the Lakers in Game 7 of the 2000 Western Conference Finals. Or the 1942 Red Wings and 1975 Pittsburgh Penguins joining the Yankees as the only teams in any sport ever to blow 3-0 leads in best-of-7 series. Or Jean Van de Velde gagging the 1999 British Open in spectacular style, making Greg Norman, Phil Mickelson and Sergio Garcia look clutch.

In my humble opinion, that's the company these Broncos risk joining should they fail to close this deal. At least, at the very least, they get to tussle with Buffalo on Sunday instead of a real NFL franchise.

And why is it that every team in Buffalo has to align itself with the mighty land mammal itself? The NFL team is the Bills, nice pun, and it uses a buffalo as its mascot. The hockey team is the Sabres, yet as prominent as the sword on the sweater is the buffalo (or banana slug, if you prefer new school). The University of Buffalo uses the Bulls, and the new Triple-A affiliate of the Mets has adopted Buffalo Bisons as their nicknames nickname. This is completely retarded--the plural of Bison is Bison. Perhaps the genius in charge of that name matriculated at the University of Colorado (which ought to be UC but goes by CU), home of the Buffaloes (when the plural of Buffalo is, um, Buffalo).

Hopefully this sort of backwards logic, combined Buffalo's crippling proximity to Canada and affiliation with the chokin' Mets, will trump the Denver Broncos' dance with collapsing history Sunday.
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Open Letter to the Lord Our God

I haven't asked for much this season, God. And you've delivered even less. But come with me, father of Jesus Christ, beyond the jump, to examine my last request. Well, my last request for today anyway...

Okay, it's kind of a combination request package, but I'll keep it simple.

1) One week from today, I need the Denver Broncos to lose when they host the Buffalo Bills at InVesCo Field at Mile High Stadium. On that same day, I need a San Diego Charger road win at Raymond James Stadium against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

2) The week after that, those two AFC West teams face off at Qualcomm Stadium. A Charger win on that day would be cooler than Easter. For real.

And that's it. You pick the scores; arrange them so that your fantasy team goes off, even. I don't care about attendance, or injuries, or anything beyond those results. That is, if you want to throw the above-pictured zebra into that game, that might be awesome, too. But if not, at least make it so this



comes up no less than five trillion times in the week leading up to the game. Thank you so much.

Your devout son,
bankmeister
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Short Sunday Sermon: "Land of Confusion"

Well, that was some game. The Chiefs have lost to the Chargers by a total of two points in two games this year. Late in the game, I was trying to decide which was better: beating everyone in the division, or jeopardizing Denver's division-championship chances. And, as my buddy just put it in a text message, "As far as losses go, that was pretty damn satisfying."



This 1986 video from Genesis makes more sense than the 2008 Kansas City Chiefs season. Go Panthers.


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Spying on the Enemy: Week 15, Chargers @ Chiefs

Last year, I had no luck rounding up a fan to interview for "Sleeping with the Enemy." One week, I got in touch with this kid, and we set the thing up, and he no-showed. By the time the second Chiefs-Chargers game rolled around, I decided to blow the whole thing off. That turns out to be a lot less work, and works out well with my strong desires to be lazy. I'm sure I could've contacted someone and put something together for this year's November 9 game in San Diego, but I was super-occupied with a giant case of lazy. Now I'm just continuing a theme. Maybe this will be the new fad: not interviewing Chargers fans. Who knows. I do have one buddy that's a fan of the Bolts, but he's, uh, in the can with 10 years on his shelf. So instead, I'll just peek in on some other Charger bloggers and see what they're up to, after the jump that is.

Chiefs Gab has put together one of those handy injury report thing-a-ma-jigs.



If you're not familiar with the sustained excellence that is the San Diego franchise, you could always catch up with some epic Chargers history.



Ultimately, it's probably best to stick with current San Diego topics, though. That of course means spending some time with Marmalard, that "lights out" douche clock, and the visored one.

We've always joked that Chargers fans are gay. Well, it's no longer a joke. I mean really, really gay. Kinda seems as if some of the folks that cover them are, too. I suppose it's quite possible that the entire city is, but that wouldn't do much in the way of explaining all of the breeding out there.

And I don't even know what's going on here.



Here, however, are some interesting numbers in Chiefs-Chargers history. And here are some of the ladies that root for the Bolts.

SignOnSanDiego is at least focusing on a couple of the Chiefs' better players in '08. They also think highly of KC's chances in 2009.

Can't think of that perfect Christmas gift? Check out the variety here. Also, don't forget about the musically gifted.



There's a dude that's been blogging Bolts since 1995. His modern-day lineup looks like it's 13 years old. But at least it's got a totally awesome classic rock song attached to each post. I'll be visiting those pages frequently as I'm always hankerin' for some Argent or Thin Lizzy.



This cat's calling for a 26-10 Chargers victory over the Chiefs, and a Carolina Panther win against Denver, 31-20.

Wow. Turns out that Chargers bloggers are not near as lazy as I am. Go Broncos Chiefs!
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Tradition Tuesday: Scoping the Choncosphere, 11-25-08

This blog's rough focus? Chiefs/Broncos football? Who in da' game? Banky, Cecil, and Seven? Why two on one? 'Cause that's how them Donkey fans be. Why I keep be puttin' up with it? I's gon' be there when KC gets its first win at the 'Ves'. What, could a fan of a 1-10 team have to say leading up to Raiders and Broncos games, both on the road? Not much. That's why I be readin' what everyone else be writin', and linkin' to it, after the jump.

In all seriousness, we are less than two weeks away from The Tradition 2008, Take II. Cecil and his wife, barring any decisions to take up residence in Ireland, will be there. Seven, and his wife in bloom, have vowed to stop in Colorado Springs to purchase a grill en route. I know not why; they already own 14 of 'em. The wife and I will arrive after a flight consisting of me arguing with her about why she can't "spend Sunday shopping, whatnot since this season is awful and pointless," all of which will occur after I've given the one and only Mayor McVesco instructions on a) how to get to the stadium, b) how to do so with a complete-and-actually-checked-off checklist, c) how to rally his troops so that they may all park and partake together in the same lot, d) how to make ribs, e) the best way to properly estimate how much beer will really be needed, f) how to understand why his team is so entirely gay. I suppose I'll have to, at some point, obtain some shoes that won't leave my feet frostbitten near the famous tamale stand as well. This game will put a wrap on year eight of the Tradition, and I'll make fun of some folks for guaranteeing some stuff later. For now, here's mine: The Chiefs will have won at least one American football contest at InVesCo Field at Mile High Stadium by January 1, 2011. Hey -- they don't call me Risky Business Banky for nothing.

Let's go ahead and introduce the Derrick Thomas-for-Canton debate. Again. I personally won't waste any energy this year on this topic, because everybody else in ChiefsNation will, and then they'll be upset when he doesn't get in again. Chiefs Warpath has the list of semi-finalists for viewing.

They also have a "Top 10 Signs You're a Raiders Fan" list.

My favorite is number three:

"You watch a Chiefs-Broncos game just so you can root for injuries."

Our friend Kim at Predominantly Orange has a breakdown on the division. I don't suppose that's a good read for anyone that's a fan of AFC West teams. But it's there, and portions of the intro sum it up:

"There is a lot of heartache in the AFC West right now...Either way, it’s an ugly division, and whoever makes the playoffs will have no effect on the NFL’s playoff picture after the first round."

Ever the scoopmaster, Chris at Arrowhead Pride has published a piece with tidbits from the San Diego State community/messageboarders discussing the (practically non-existent) possibility of Herman Edwards leaving the Chiefs to coach the football team he played for in college. Oh, if only!

Anytime you make a visit to the casa de Hercules Rockefeller, you're in for some cutthroat, hilariously honest Denver Bronco assessment. After the Chiefs' week two loss at home to the Raiders, I was furious to say the least. His take on Denver's Sunday home loss to the silver and black: no different. Careful, lest you step in a pile of profanity. Or seven.

Chris Kolb drops in for his weekly rant at Arrowhead Addict. His Thanksgiving-week post examines the recent gobblings of a couple turkeys: Al Davis and Carl Peterson.

While the main course is on the table, let's talk side dishes. Ian over at BroncoTalk will contribute to this Thursday's dinner; he's bringing the stuffing:

"Denver will win against the New York Jets next weekend and I will spend this week trying to show you why. The thing is, I don’t call Denver wins, I never guarantee a win, but I promise that Denver will beat the Jets..."

My stepmom always told me not to let my eyes be bigger than my plate when it comes to serving yourself helpings at the table. I think Mr. Henson has tried to fit an entire pumpkin pie on the same plate as his entree fixins:

"When Denver has had the lead in the AFC West following Week 11 (which they do now) they’ve gone to the Super Bowl. Every time (except once) whether they won or lost that Super Bowl is another subject entirely. The only year they didn’t go on to the big game was the 1978 season."

I'm not trying to start a beef with Mr. Henson here; I simply doubt the boldness of either statement. First, no way this team beats the Jets on the road. They were obviously not clicking on all cylinders Sunday at home versus the Raiders, but while that was going on, the Jets were taking care of the then-undefeated Tennessee Titans. Now would be a good time to throw in the "anything can happen"s and the "any given Sunday"s, but I just don't see it happening. Regarding the SB quote, it's an interesting fact, one with little relevance to this season, because you might as well lump 2008 in with 1978; lead or no lead beyond week 11, Denver ain't even sniffin' the conference championship game this year.

And since we've spent a few phrases on the Raiders in this post, we might as well link to this bit on the Chargers. I suppose if you had to write on this division with regard to the entire season, I'd load up the pastry bag with pureed cranberry sauce and pipe "hard to figure out" across my plate.

And that's all I have to say about that.
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Tuesday Tantrum: Un-Sacktacular

Yesterday, the TalkRadios hammered the Chiefs, investigating every aspect of this club that is just plain wrong. Today, the paper has done the same, and with a narrower scope, Adam Teicher of The Kansas City Star points out one glaring void: the pass rush. There isn't really a lot to report in this regard. As part of a non-competitive club that occasionally scores some points, re-invents losing on a weekly basis, consistently displays a perfect what-not-to-do-on-special-teams model, and gets burned by offenses good, bad, and mediocre, the non-pressure Kansas City's front four has put on opposing quarterbacks is only one ingredient in the recipe titled "Terrible."

But, if you really want the sage and cinnamon of this fall unclassic, here they are:

1) The Chiefs have netted six sacks through 10 games. A handful of teams have done better than that on their bye weeks, I think.

2) Teicher points out that "Sixteen individuals, including former Chief Jared Allen, have more than six sacks." In case you English no good, that's almost 20 dudes with more than the entire Chiefs D.

3) From the same article: "The next lowest team is Cincinnati with 11." The Bengals, the one-win, Marvin Lewis Farmhouse is next higher on the list, and their total almost doubles that of KC's.

4) More Teicher: "The mark for a 16-game season is 13, set by Baltimore in 1981, and the Chiefs at their current pace won't even get to 10." With six games left, the Chiefs' chances at not breaking that record look about even-keel with John Madden boarding a plane.

5) Head Coach Herm Edwards discusses last year's league-leading sack total by Allen (Editor's Note: He has eight so far in 2008), who, as we know, missed two games: "He was with us last year and he got (15 1/2) sacks, and we still went 4-12," Edwards said. "We got better at a lot of positions through that trade...It worked out well for both parties."

Yes, Herm. It did. The difference, though, is that up in the NFC North, those teams are playing to win the game more often than four times. Your club, good sir, hasn't even come close to 4-12.

In other news, I'm not a betting man, therefore, I couldn't give two shits about what bettors lost due to Sunday's officiating debacle. But what about my fucking fantasy team, you dillholes? (Note: We'll pretend for a moment that fantasy football and betting on football are nothing shy of polar opposites.) My season is one Grand Canyon pebble away from vanishing into the Colorado River. Yes. I entered last night's game with a lead, and yes, I thought for sure I'd lose seeing as how my opponent had Brady Quinn and Lee Evans. Guess what? Quinn put up an ocho; Evans a fucking goose egg. And yes, I had the fucking Steelers D. I hope, SD/Pitt officiating crew, that you all choke on your whistles, and are beaten with terrible towels. Thanks for fucking blowing my playoff chances, you ass clowns.
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Friday Fiction Fix: "Leopard"

Here in the House of Georges we're all about mixes. When we attend our Tradition contests, we mix it up: one game includes the wives, the other's just for the boys. We always mix up our menus for the occasions, as well as our attire: at Arrowhead it's brats and (Roland) Baileys; at InVesCo we'll do Johnsons and brisket. And there're random mixes. Cecil and his wife mix up which distilled spirits they'll spike everyone's water bottles with, and Old No. Seven is sure to be on point with his "best ever tailgating mix tape," which almost always comes with the succinct dissertation on how "Thunderstruck" is the best tailgating song of all time. Next month, however, we plan on making him keep his boom box in the personal shitter, which he has assured us, he will bring. The point of this feature, however, isn't really much different than our now nationally famous "My Sports Life is a Rock Song." There we mix sports and music; here, we simply subsitute the music for some good ol' fashioned reading, which, if you've ever heard Seven's tailgate mix, you know will come in handy in the parking-lot commode. Speaking of the mixmaster himself, he once, in mid-tailgate jam, shared with me some random thoughts on Norv Turner, and how inconceivable it is that this man is still a coach in the National Football League.

"Norv Turner," he said, "is like that Best Buy salesman -- the one you don't want to help you -- that helps you, and boasts illustriously, guaranteeing that the product you want is the best, and that it's certainly, most definitely in stock. Then, when you settle on something," he continued, "he goes in back, finds out that they're out of it and steps out to smoke a cigarette, conjure up a story he'll feed you for why they're out of it." It's an odd and long-winded simile, but a funny one that I still appreciate/ruin every time I try to tell it.

This week we're going back to the New Yorker magazine for our fix, and this one comes at us via the November 10 issue. Author Wells Tower tackles the second person point of view, something I haven't tried since high school, I don't think. I've always found this choice sinisterly admirable, a challenge to do something different, yet attain and sustain reader interest with equal intensity. This story of his does just that while telling the tale of a frustrated boy, one who's unhappy with his surroundings. Tower is a contributing editor for the Washington Post magazine. Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned, his debut collection of short stories, will be released on St. Patrick's Day.

"Good morning.



You have not slept well. Don't open your eyes. Stick out your tongue. Search for the little sore above your upper lip. Pray that it healed in the night."

Tower's character, Yancy, has hit puberty. He is awkward, ridiculed, and virtually uncomfortable wherever he goes. The sore has been called a fungal infection by his mother, one that "resembles a tiny hamburger...perfectly centered in the little flute area between your septum and upper lip. Yesterday, in the cafeteria, Josh Mohorn pointed out the similarity before a table of your friends. A painful thing, considering how much you would like to be Josh Mohorn. He turned to you and said, 'Hey, Yancy, do me a favor.'

'What's up?' you said, excited by the rare pleasure of Josh's attention.



'Could you take that seat down there?' he said, gesturing toward the far end of the table. 'I can't eat my lunch with your fucking burger in my face.'"

Yancy, still groggy from lack of sleep, yesterday's embarrassment, feigns illness to his mother, and gets permission to stay home from school, a choice he quickly regrets as his mother must leave for work and leave him at home with his evil stepfather.

"Your stepfather fancies himself a kind of socialist frontiersman, and he doesn't have a normal job...He values hard work above everything, and every time you turn around your stepfather is there, putting a broom in your hand, or giving you a load of wet laundry to hang up, or telling you to fetch firewood, or scrub the sink, or dig a hole...'I have a job for you' is your stepfather's catchphrase...If you say no to your stepfather, this known as 'lip.' 'I'm sick of your lip,' he says, or 'I've had it with your fucking lip.'...He has slapped you a few times...

...At twelve-thirty, you hear the front door creak and slap...Your stepfather comes in, trailing a rich vegetable aroma. 'Feeling better?' he asks."



Yancy tells his evil stepfather that he's not, and a mini-Q&A ensues, wherein Yancy tries to convince his stepfather that he really is sick, but it is of little avail.

"'You should get some fresh air,' your stepfather says. 'How about you go get the mail?'

This is not fair. The driveway is a half mile of rutted gravel that takes fifteen minutes to walk, and as far as your stepfather knows, you're sick...It is a hot autumn day...You've already lost your summer calluses, and the driveway gravel is sharp, causing you to walk with a jouncing, like a bird trying to take flight. You blame your stepfather for the unpleasantness of the gravel...

...You open the mailbox...There must be fifteen pounds of mail, a sliding load that no sick person should have to carry. On the top of the heap, something catches your eye. It is a handmade flyer with a Xeroxed photograph of what appears to be a leopard. 'Lost pet,' reads the flyer, with a phone number below. A breeze starts down your neck. You turn and look into the woods, though the leaves have not yet fallen and you can't see twenty feet...your heart beats a little harder knowing that it might be out there, moving in the dull pine wastes near your home...



...It is nearly one o'clock, the hour that your mother comes home for lunch. You do not want to be alone in the house with your stepfather.

It still angers you that he has sent you down the driveway on your sick day, your special day of rest. You take a dozen steps, and then a plan suggests itself...When your mother's car swings into the drive, she will find you there...She'll come to you crying and concerned. You'll let her coax it out of you, the story of how your stepfather made you get the mail."

Yancy, however, is visited by another guest.

"'Whoa, buddy -- hey, hey." It's a man's voice, high and nervous. A hand nudges your shoulder. Come on, now, pal.' The man draws halting breaths. It startles you when warm fingers find the side of your neck...

'Take it easy, now,' he says. 'Let's just take it easy.'...

...You have not had your first kiss, but you are already worried about sex. Just two grades ahead of you, kids are having it already...

...'I should probably get going. My dad's probably wondering where I am.' You pull the door handle. It's locked.

'Oh, you ain't (going) anywhere...,' he tells you with a stern fondness that makes you uneasy...

...you don't move. You don't want to. The sun slips behind a cloud. Something -- you don't know what -- is about to happen."

The tale is one of intrigue and mystery, and those interested enough can get their pre-order action of Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned on here.
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Back By (un)Popular Demand

Yeah, yeah, The Lone Reader finds time to comment--albeit nonsensically--on most every post, and 7 and I are lounging on our respective porches awaiting the Big Gummint Handout from Uncle Sam that's sure to arrive alongside our prospective Socialist Utopia. Understood.

I'd just like to speak in our defense for a quick sec before we get to some actual sportyness. So here goes:

We were late. We were busy. We were stuck in traffic. We had a long, long line at the DMV (and if you've ever been to the one on Mississippi in west Denver you know what I'm talkin' about). We were trying to count the magic beans we got from that guy. We were held prisoner in Marilyn Musgrave's torture basement and had to escape through the sewer. We were sizing up matching "That One" t-shirts. We were apologizing to our wives. We were sobbing quietly in the corner. We were mixing Absinthe and Galliano and Yoo-Hoo. We were visiting our parole officers. We were taking on Big Oil. We were learning to tie a half-Windsor knot. We were sexing up Sarah Palin Bee-Gees style. We were contemplating the end of life as you know it. We were comparing arm strength with Jay Cutler.

So now you know. And hey, speaking of the local 11's starting QB...

One of the things I love about the kid is that he says what's on his mind. He's not going to give the usual "he's a heck of a competitor" quote about a guy he thinks is a douchetard--a guy like, for instance, Philip Rivers.

You all know Rivers. He's the grinning Hillbilly sumbitch who quarterbacks the San Diego Chargers.

He was the focus of a crazy draft day trade with the Giants, he won the MVP of every one of the five bowl games he played at North Carolina State, he's accurate enough with the football to knock a fly off a #4 pencil from 20 yards away, has an excellent winning percentage as an NFL starter, toughed out an ACL injury in last year's AFC Championship while his superstar running back sulked on the sidelines and is a total dickhead.

Marmalard, as the formerly anonymous dudes at Kissing Suzy Kolber call him--who knows why, but it fits--talks a lot of trash on the field. Players around the league know him as a big-mouthed blowhard (just two weeks ago he was named as one of the Most Overrated QBs in the league in a Sports Illustrated poll of NFL players) who likes to yap when his team is doing well, but make excuses when they aren't. The most famous incidence of this occurred on Christmas Eve of '07, when the cameras caught him shouting at Jay Cutler from the safety of his own sideline.

Now, that particular occasion has been talked mostly to death, and clearly Cutler was doing a little smack-talkin' himself. But the taste, the bitter, metallic taste, remains with Bronco fans to this moment.

After all, he's a fucking Charger. We don't care about them. They are, or should be, as nothing to us. The Chargers are eternally meant to be a carbuncle awaiting the lance, not a dominant squad inspiring loosened bowels in the orange-n-blue fanbase...right? Right?

So it hurts. Not only to lose to the soon-to-be-located-in-Anaheim-or-somewhere Bolts--who have clearly upset reality's applecart to become the most talented (if underachieving) team in the division--but to have their nominal leader open his cockwasher and lay down the smack. I mean, ow. That ain't right.

So it makes me feel good when our boy JC The Messiah, shot up with Insulin and feelin' fiesty, chooses to not pull punches when discussing the, er, relationship between the two:

"Visiting on Fox’s The Best Damn Sports Show, Period, Cutler was put on the spot about his rivalry with Rivers. Not surprisingly, Cutler responded candidly. Asked if he thought Rivers was 'kind of an ass,' (Ed. Note: Yes), Cutler laughed before stating the obvious: he and Rivers don’t exactly get along.

'We don’t really have a lot of contact with each other. It’s become a nice rivalry. We’re both younger guys and both on pretty good teams in the same division and get to see each other twice. I’m just not that big of a fan of the guy.'

Cutler continued, 'I don’t like how he carries himself. I don’t like some of the stuff he does on the field.'" (From broncotalk.net)

Pretty mild by the standards of the intratubers. But remember, this is a fellow NFL QB he's talking about. It's not like they won't see each other again. We say to you, New #6, that's exactly the kind of thing we need around here. When you all meet again in San Diego, I hope you pay a guy to put Icy Hot in his jock.
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Tradition Tuesday: Non Sequitur By Choice, Southern By The Grace Of God

Welcome To The House of Georges, your one-stop shop for all aspects of the nearly five-decade rivalry between the Denver Broncos and the erstwhile Dallas Texans. Long ago in a galaxy far, far away, your authors began The Tradition, in which we Broncos fans matriculate out to Missouri to watch our team. Chiefs fans return the favor and travel to Colorado to watch theirs. We eat, drink, debate the relative merits of personnel decisions, and we witness the occasional drunken brawl in our section. Fine times.

This is Tradition Tuesday, your weekly state-of-the-rivalry address.

Following the September 28 fiasco at Arrowhead, AFC West fans were left wondering: Are the Chiefs for real? Are the Broncos wildly overrated? Will San Diego end up running away with this division after all, like we once expected? Is Al Davis still alive?

Judging by this past week's action, we have some answers: No, Not Really, Doubtful, Absolutely Not.

THE KANSAS CITY CHIEFS

KC visited the Carolina Panthers and got shut out 34-0. It's clear that this team is awful and that the win over the Broncos was most likely a one-week mirage. The steady hand that Damon Huard showed against Denver disappeared--he threw for 86 yards and two picks while fumbling twice in Charlotte. Larry Johnson rushed for 196 fewer yards than he did against the Broncos. I didn't watch this game--thank you, sweet Lord baby Jesus--but I think we can conclude that KC won't be turning anything around in 2008.

THE DENVER BRONCOS

What is D gate? The Broncos finally won a game that was neither an offensive shootout, a refereeing disaster or both. The defense manhandled Tampa's rushing game, knocked Brian Griese out for the afternoon and weathered the late-game surge by Jeff Garcia, who smells like a rat. Should this team ever assemble all of its divergent parts--the devastating aerial assault we've seen in flashes, the glimpse of a pass rush evident Sunday, the potentially awesome kicking game--you could have yourself a ballclub.

I must note that the fact Eddie Royal sprained his ankle and may miss the Jacksonville game caused me unimaginable pain and loss. Eddie Royal is my security blanket. I have more hetero man-love for him than I do for anyone, and I might just need to leave the room for a while.

THE SAN DIEGO LESS-THAN-SUPER CHARGERS

Where are your Hochuli conspiracies now, Charger fans? The fact is that your team is pretty darned average. Your Hall of Fame running back is not clutch, your defense is pretty pedestrian when robbed of its roidbunny, and you have all the Norv any one team needs. The good news is first team to nine wins takes this division.

THE OAKLAND RAIDERS

Tom Cable, ladies and gentlemen.

Not many people know this, but I was actually the other finalist for the head coaching job. The news release would have read as such:

The Oakland Raiders today hired a 35-year-old Colorado blogger to take over the franchise. He refused to give his real name, but Coach Old No. 7 promised to return the Silver & Black to their glory days be reinstalling the vertical passing game.

"We're going deep every single play, so adjust your coverage schemes accordingly," 7 said. "We're also going for it every fourth down, installing a permanent 11-man blitz package on defense and equipping our captains with firearms."

Owner Al Davis wore a popcorn bucket on his head throughout the press conference.

Now honestly, would reading that have surprised you? Best of luck, Coach Cable.
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Tradition Tuesday: A Farewell To Arms

If we're going to throw around titles of World War I-based novels, we might as well get them right. It wasn't all quiet on the western front, as my Chief colleague snidely quipped yesterday, it was just that Bronco Nation was in a state of shock. We won a game we should have lost, a big game that gave our club a two-game lead in the division halfway through September. But I'm getting ahead of myself--we need some italicized preamble.

The year was 2001, and a few Fort Lewis College alumni decided to ramble around the Missouri River drainage basin in order to watch some AFC West football. Thus was born The Tradition, a pageant of pigskin performance unmatched in recorded history. Actually, who are we kidding? The games usually stink, it's all about the arguing. Gonzalez or Sharpe? Whitlock or Schefter? Losing with stoic Midwestern dignity or winning with cut-blocking shame? These are our battlegrounds, and this is our eternal war. Join us every Tuesday for a state-of-the-rivalry address.

Back to the controversy at hand--what is the appropriate reaction to Denver's scandalous ref-aided gimmick win Sunday? How much indignation should rival fans display without looking like petty whiners? Where should neutral observers cast blame and/or dole out credit? And what shall Bronco fans do? Should we give the victory back? Should we act contrite all season, knowing we now possess something that isn't rightfully ours? Um, no, actually. You know why?

Because fuck San Diego, that's why.

I am elated that this travesty occurred at the expense of the San Diego Chargers. Couldn't have happened to a more deserving bunch of fucktarded slimebags as the Bolts. All I've heard for the last three years is how "talented" this San Diego squad is. Yet for all that "talent," they've displayed an annoying knack for yapping big yet performing tiny while under the hot spotlight of the NFL. The Patriots have won championships to justify their clippings, and the Colts climbed the mountain as well. Supposedly less-"talented" teams like the Bears and the Panthers and the Giants have advanced to the Super Bowl during this recent run of faux Charger greatness.

Bitch all you want about Ed Hochuli's boner, but where was Ladanian Tomlinson Sunday afternoon? We must remember that it was a big game, and thus LT found a way to shrink from the challenge. This week's excuse was a bum toe, but we all know the Chargers' training staff did not pack enough super-absorbent maxi pads to get their prima donna superstar ready for the game. LT's really skilled at running up big meaningless fantasy stats against the Raiders but squealing like a teenage Jonas Bros. groupie when it's time for real tackle football. And don't make fun of his friends, because he will totally slap you in the neck.

What I'm saying is, if I'm not making myself clear enough, had LT showed an ounce of testosterone at Invesco we would not be discussing a bad call in the fourth quarter or the wisdom of going for two. We'd instead be moaning about how the Broncos blew a certain victory over the Chargers because they can't stop the run.

But since you mentioned Shawne Merriman, where was he for this key game? Rehabbing from injuries sustained because he does steroids. Lots and lots of steroids.

But let's get to the quarterback, the always classy Phil Rivers. Why do I get the feeling that Philip wears a pink polo shirt on his day off? The kid had a nice day Sunday, passing for 377 yards and singlehandedly reviving the career of Chris Chambers. He later celebrated by berating a stewardess and exposing himself to a taxi driver. Do you think Philip ever wonders about the trade that brought him to San Diego? Could Phil have scored a ring for the Giants, as Eli did last February? My guess is no. Because Phil Rivers is a giant gaping douche.

Thanks to the knuckleheaded replay decisions, Antonio Cromartie has escaped much scrutiny for his play on Sunday. But how was his clumsy performance not seen as a deciding factor? In addition to yielding 18 Brandon Marshall receptions (that's second-most in the history of the game), Cromartie ran up a litany of personal fouls and automatic first downs. And along the way he kept talking. And talking. And talking. Maybe you should just sit this one out, champ.

I'm sure somewhere there are some hard core Chargers fans that are really steamed about the outcome of this game. And by "somewhere" I mean "nowhere"--there truly are no hard core Chargers fans. I've never seen such a lightweight specimen of partisan booster. We get it--your city is beautiful, your weather is perfect, and your women are amazing. Just know this: your team is soft and so are you.

At least they've found the perfect career loser to run this operation in Norv. His huffy indignation at Hochuli was cute, and I'm sure he garnered the respect of his men with whatever barnburner of a postgame speech he gave in the locker room. Something about making sure you don't leave your duffel bags behind.

So really, that game was fantastic, in that it was a red-hot bucket of suck it poured over the heads of the San Diego Chargers. I really hope that the Charger blogs are aflame with indignation--heck, if God has a sense of humor he'll remind someone of Matt Holliday's phantom run in the one-game playoff against the Padres. It's a conspiracy!

Update: The reaction is even better than I thought possible.
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Our AFC West: Roundtable Ruminations

With football season underway, we're left with but few things to do: Watch football, drink beer, and talk about football. It's Wednesday, so there're no games on, and we're out of beer. For now. So yes, that leaves us with one option: talking about football. This is the first installment of what might become a successful feature in the future, but we all have sites to run, lives to live, and beer to drink, so who knows. For now, here's our week one lineup:

In the mix we've got Kyle from BroncoTalk, Adam from Arrowhead Addict, Chris from Arrowhead Pride, and of course, Mr. Hercules Rockefeller from Orange Bucksnorts. We're going to comment on the two AFC West teams that matter most, and when necessary, we'll talk about the Chargers and Raiders, too. Week One was pretty amazing to say the least. The Chiefs didn't lose 42-3 in New England, and of course knocked Tom Brady out for the year. San Diego choked, and the Raiders totally shit the bed on Monday night hosting the Broncos. That's my summary of the games, and that's why I recruit more intelligent people to sum them up better. See what they had to say, after the jump.

Bankmeister: Kyle -- Along with others, I've felt that this could be a huge year for Jay Cutler. Talk about his performance and poise in the first game of '08. Also, the Monday night crew wasted no time talking about the (recent) history of successful Denver ground attacks. Will Selvin Young get the bulk of the carries, or will we see a mix of him, Hall, and Pittman all year?

BroncoTalk: Cutler, to put it simply, was dominant. He did it all. He threw from the pocket. He threw from the bootleg. He dumped it off short. He delivered long bombs with perfect accuracy. He moved the chains with his legs. He even acted as the lead blocker on the first play of the game -- a pitch to rookie Eddie Royal. You really can't say enough good things, and the stats show it -- he earned a passer rating on Monday above 130.

More than anything, Cutler's improvement is a product of an offensive line that is playing light years ahead of last year's unit. All respect to Matt Lepsis, the Broncos former left tackle -- love ya’ for all the years prior -- but he was God awful in 2007. Right tackle Erik Pears was worse. Ryan Clady and Ryan Harris fill those spots now, and even though both basically have zero NFL experience, they're playing surprisingly well. Amazingly well. If the Broncos return to the playoffs this year, the offensive line will be the biggest reason.

The running situation is interesting. Had rookie Ryan Torain stayed healthy, he likely would have been the guy. He's out five-six weeks, so until then, I'm guessing it'll be a pretty even mix of Selvin Young and Andre Hall -- think 2005's Mike Anderson and Tatum Bell. Michael Pittman scored two touchdowns Monday, but I don't expect many repeat performances there. He didn't look that good. Even for Denver standards, this year's running back situation is particularly murky. For the first time ever, I didn't draft a Denver back in any of my fantasy leagues. Even I have no idea what the hell's going on there.

B: Herc -- What the f**k happened to Oakland? I read multiple predictions from so-called experts suggesting that the division would wind up in this order: SD, Oak, Den, KC. Will the Raiders rebound from this embarrassment, or will McFadden's injury and Russell's fat slouchiness doom them to another year of suckdom. Also, how about Eddie Royal? Looks like a stud.

Orange Bucksnorts: The Raiders problem is simple: Al Davis is still alive. He runs that team with an iron fist much the way Shanahan (or Coach Teflon as some internet wags have dubbed him) runs the Broncos. It's Skeletor's way or the highway, just ask every head coach he's hired over the last two decades. A lot of times, that's the way to go. The Donks have had relative success with it, but Al Davis has about 450 years on Shanny; the game has painfully passed him by. You can't sink tons of cash into jet-fast receivers and DBs, and actively seek out other teams’ malcontents thinking they'll win with a chip on their shoulder anymore. Maybe you could in the 70s and early 80s, but last time I checked, it hasn't been the early 80s in 25 years. Did anyone catch ESPN's shots of him last night? I thought it was actually a Madame Tousseau-style wax figure. And what the hell was with towel draped over his lap the whole game? To catch his drool? To hide the fact that he's wearing Depends under that white jumpsuit?

That's historically. As for nowadays, I think they have some of the pieces in place to eventually be fairly decent, if not competitive. Jamarcus Russell, while being a fat fuck, isn't actually that bad. He's got a cannon arm, but he's a little wild and he needs to reign that cannon in a little bit. If he completes that big pass to Curry in the first quarter, I think you're looking at a different game. Fargas and McFadden are both pretty good. That said, with that joke of an O-Line they trot out there, unless they're playing against a soft front (similar to Denver's) they're going to struggle to get yards.

I think the D is better than what they showed last night. Losing Burgess clearly didn't help against the run. Their LBs are solid. Knotty Awesomewah is a top-five corner. Cutler was just nearly perfect last night. Nothing you can do when a guy gets in that kind of zone.

The Raiders have some talent, but when they get down, they get chippy and downright stupid. Back-to-back personal foul penalties, a 15-yard facemask, stupid little scuffles after every play… they've been wildly undisciplined ever since I've been following football, and the kicker is that they seem to be proud of it. Typical Raiders. They won't win more than five games this year and they'll be lucky to get that many.

As for Eddie Royal: hell of a way to start a career. He runs good routes and has great double moves, but I'm not going to jump off the deep end and call him the next Steve Largent. Chris Walken said it best in “True Romance”: "That's as good as it gets... and it won't ever get that good again."

B: Chris -- The Chiefs D looked pretty tough against the Pats, and I imagine it will be a strength of theirs all year. Once again, however, we're stuck -- at least temporarily -- with your favorite Huard brother at the helm. Your thoughts on the quarterback situation in KC.

Arrowhead Pride: Brodie Croyle's latest shoulder injury has thrown the fan base and the Chiefs coaching staff for a loop as far as the starting quarterback situation goes. Croyle had the support of the coaching staff and many of the fans entering the 2008 season, even after a tumultuous stint as the starting quarterback last year. Brodie supporters and even Herm Edwards himself have publicly acknowledged that, after Week 1 and a separated shoulder, Croyle is likely too fragile to be a full-time starting quarterback in the NFL.

So, that leaves the Chiefs with Damon Huard, Tyler Thigpen and Ingle Martin (Editor's Note: from linked KC Star article: "Martin broke records for passing yards, total yards and passing touchdowns in two seasons at Furman, where he transferred after leaving Florida in 2003. Martin was the Paladins’ quarterback and punter, and his 43.2-yard average per punt in 2005 was the third-best in school history." You know. In case Dustin Colquitt gets hurt.) at quarterback for the time being. None of them appears to be a good prospect to permanently take over the starting gig, with Huard too old for the job and Thigpen not talented enough or ready enough to start in the NFL. Martin is simply a third quarterback until Croyle makes his way back to the starting lineup.

It is my opinion that the starting quarterback for the rest of the 2008 season will be Brodie Croyle when healthy and Damon Huard filling in the gaps. Even if Croyle plays well after his return, his days are likely numbered. After this season, because of Croyle's injury history, I expect the Chiefs to seriously pursue a top quarterback in the 2009 draft or make a trade for a current NFL backup that fits well into their plans.

I believe that the Kansas City Chiefs are convinced that Croyle has the talent to start in the league but their patience with his durability issues has almost run out. It's really a shame because I was behind him pretty much 100% of the time until his third injury in his seventh NFL game.

The injuries don't lie -- the Chiefs need to find a solid starting quarterback.

B: Adam -- I didn't catch the Chargers game, but I understand they waited too long to unleash LT, and, well Shawne Merriman is a moron, Philip Rivers a douche, and the health of Antonio Gates is perhaps still a question mark. Where do these Chargers stand in your eyes? Also, what did you make of the Chiefs offensive game plan? Will we see a mix of Charles, Johnson and Smith all year? How did Chan Gailey's first game as OC compare to what we've seen from Mike Solari the past two years?

Arrowhead Addict: The Chargers aren't as good as previously advertised. They are a 10-win team -- nothing more.

And that is exactly what happened with Little L.T (Sorry. Lawrence Taylor is still the real one.). The same thing happened last year. It's like it takes Norv Turner's dumbass four games to figure out, oh, I have the best running back in the league -- better use that guy! Shawne Merriman is a moron. He might be damaged goods. I played on a knee like that my junior year in high school and put off surgery -- not smart. I seriously doubt that the knee will ever be the same again. Antonio Gates would have been terrible if it wasn't for that late TD. Keep an eye on that toe. As for Philip Rivers, he was OK. I think his numbers were better than he actually played, if that makes any sense whatsoever.

Chiefs offensive game plan? Huh...did they have one? I have to blame Herm Edwards. He handcuffs his offensive coordinators who in turn handcuff the quarterbacks. It doesn't help that both Brodie Croyle and Damon Huard don't make progressions and hate getting hit. All things considered, even Karl Rove thinks our offense is conservative. Both the coaching staff and QBs are to blame. Additionally, Chan's job is a tough one: kind of hard to build an offense around a QB who's MIA half the time. I still prefer Chan to Mike Solari, but that's not saying much.

As for the running backs situation, I think we'll see all three. L.J. will be the workhorse, Jamaal Charles the change-of-pace home run hitter and Kolby Smith the Kevin Faulk-like blocking/receiving utility back. Charles and L.J. aren't exactly studs in the blocking department, and Kolby is an excellent pass blocker. I also think you will see more of what I'm calling the Storm Backfield -- L.J.'s thunder and Charles' lightening. Still, It would be nice if you used L.J. in a less conventional fashion every once in a while and caught defenses off guard. Running less predictable plays on less predictable downs really helped Charles last Sunday.

Well said, gentlemen. All of it. We'll check back in with these fine bloggers/fans again later in the season, and in the meantime -- if you haven't already -- be sure to visit their sites: BroncoTalk, Orange Bucksnorts, Arrowhead Addict, Arrowhead Pride.
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Tradition Tuesday: Your Token Division Preview, the 2008 San Diego Chargers

Every once in a while we stray from the rough focus of this blog, which is the rivalry between the Denver Broncos and the Kansas City Chiefs, to examine a topic that is not necessarily about either my coveted red-and-gold club, or Cec' and 7's orange and blue, but at least closely related. Today we bring the final installment of this previewing-the-AFC West segment of "Tradition Tuesday," and we couldn't be happier to put it to bed, and get back to being full-time homers. Insert stupid saying about tough jobs and having to do it...

In an effort to be fair, I suppose we have to dedicate a post to A.J. Smith, Norv Turner, and Philip fucking Rivers. Boy, talk about the three stooges. But, we've talked about Oakland, Denver, and Kansas City, so it is only our duty to examine, if even briefly, your two-time defending AFC West champions. Since I pay exactly zero attention to this team when they're not playing the Chiefs or Broncos, I know next to nothing about them, or what experts are saying about them, or how they fared in this year's draft, etc. I'm simply going to run through their schedule, and predict. So all you people that only come to this site because you Google image-searched some titties, and don't read these words anyway, can piss off.

Alright. The alleged toughest team in the division opens the season at home against the Carolina Panthers. What. The fuck. Obviously the win that game. In what seems like ages ago, I mentioned that the Chargers would then storm the Rocky Mountains, and deliver another ass spelunking to the Donkeys. This leaves the Bolts feeling tough, feeling cocky, somewhat craving a bowl full of warm steroids.

And it should. Know why? Because then they go to the friendly confines of their own home stadium again, and host the Jets. Give me. A freaking break, that's the easiest 3-0 in NFL history, I think.

Nevertheless, back-to-back road games are up next. Don't scratch your Beamer, though, SoCal. One's in Oakland, the other in Miami. So, yeah. You go ahead and chalk up the mental 5-0. I dare you. I also am here to tell you: it ain't happenin'. That's right. The Chargers beat the Raiders so badly, but make the mistake of looking beyond the Dolphins, who actually show up amped for this contest, and stun the Super Chargers with their first loss...4-1, sluts.

That really jars things around Qualcomm, especially given that the next match is at home against those hated Patriots. How do you call this one? Easy, really. In the early goings it appears to be somewhat of a dog fight: two pretty darn good offenses working precisely to put a couple touchdowns and a field goal up on two really tough defenses. Then then the wheels come off for San Diego. The Patriots keep coming, and the Chargers can't keep answering. Pretty soon, it's out of reach, New England has won, and the Chargers are 4-2 (Editor's Note: I'm not a Pats fan, though I have been won in the past. Nor do I sit around thinking about how good they may or may not be. I just think they'll really get up for this one.).

It'll be San Diego's turn to hit the opposite side of the country the following week, as they'll stop in at Ralph Wilson Stadium to mop up the Bills, just before they hit the other side of the Atlantic, for a contest against the Saints in London. Odd. Just so freaking odd. London? I mean, really. London? Since when do wankers dig on American football? Whatever. The stupid Chargers embarrass New Orleans in freaking England, and improve to 6-2 before that precious week eight bye slot.

After the week off, they're feeling good, feeling pumped about hosting the Chiefs, and they should, 'cause they win. Seven-two is a pretty sweet spot to be sitting at in mid-November, especially when Denver and Oakland are 5-4, and Kansas City appears to be right in the mix at 4-5. So what happens next? They go to Pittsburgh, where the Steelers are still trying to find themselves, and they've found just enough to knock San Diego back on its heels for a week, leaving them 7-3, which'd be fine if the following week wasn't a home game against the Colts. Colts-Bolts week is always interesting, as the contest in unpredictable, regardless of where it's played. Peyton and company really seem poised to notch the win here all afternoon, until they ease up just a tiny bit, and let San Diego back in for a late-rally victory. What a shame. Really. Nobody wants to see the Chargers at 8-3. Nobody. Even those viscious Chargers fans are like, "Hey, we gotta spread some of these wins around, guys. You know. Make it fair and even."

Atlanta comes to town the following week, though, so that ain't happenin' any time soon. And look: Oakland rolls in the following Thursday evening for the Chargers' third home game in a row? Who's fucking writing this shit? The Spanos family with a little help from the Goodells? Jesus H. Ten and three these guys are.

It's challenge time though. Or not. San Diego hits the road for a match with the Chiefs at Arrowhead. This game serves two purposes: clinching a post-season spot for the Bolts, and sealing the fate of a sub-.500 campaign for KC. Good times. Next it's Bolts at Bucs, which could be a pretty darn good game. Gruden kids seem to play tough for the tougher teams, so I'm sure they'll show up, especially for this late-season home tilt. In fact, I bet they win, humbling the Chargers to 11-4, just before they wrap the season with a home victory against the Broncos.

Yeah. I don't like to admit it, but that's how it looks from da' boof, Denver. The Chargers take the division for the third straight year with a 12-4 record, courtesy of the Betty Crockerest schedule I've ever seen, and the Broncos sit right there at 10-6, a certain wildcard possibility, but I kinda doubt it. As we all know, there're a lot of good teams in the ol' AFC. And at least this year (Note: And last), it's too bad the Chiefs ain't one of 'em.
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