My Sports Life is a Rock Song: "Don't Do Me Like That"

We're back and whiter than ever, as this feature carries into its fifth installment, and the only person of color that's been featured was James Brown. Jesus, we are white. So what do we do about it? Ding-ding. Feature somebody very, very white. Here's the thing about this week's feature: I love, like any good cracka', me some Tom Petty. Always have. He does, however, have a tendency, now and again, to write a song that, well, makes me feel like I'd rather listen to Meatloaf. Or the B-52s. Or Bon Jovi. And believe me, I will take splintered shards of golf tees through the testicles before volunteering to listen to either of those "artists." This evening's selection is one of those, but it does, nevertheless, serve a purpose. More on that in a jif.

In a few moments, young Luke Hochevar and the Royals will take the mound at Jacobs Field. The boys in blue, having fallen to last in the Central for the second time in eight days, face C.C. Sabathia tonight, who started out his post-Cy Young, 2008 campaign hurling piles of shit toward home plate. Which ballpark did he pick to break out of his slump? Yup. Kauffman Stadium. That game (featuring Royals' big-money man Gil Meche) had an awesome result.

So there it is. I'm not going to break down guitar riffs, or try to make some connection between game details and lyrics. I'm just gonna say, "Don't Do Me Like That, C.C." Not tonight. Actually, not ever. But let's start with tonight. The Royals have put some runs on the board this week. Well, yesterday's 2-1 loss to the Rangers was, as our staff slogan machine put it, an "unpossible pitcher's duel between Sir Sidney Ponson and Brian Bannister," but they produced some runs for a stretch there, suprisingly probably even themselves. My bolder-than-ever prediction for the evening's contest: The Indians don't cross the plate 15 teams; the Royals score more often than once. Second thought, scratch that last part, and play ball, Blue. You're muh boys!

(Update: Due to "inclement weather," the game has been postponed for a TBA double-header date later this summer. Know what this means? Sabathia was set to light it up, but someone else had other plans for the home team.)