Friday, May 2, 2008

Friday Morning Fracas

It's time to examine a few recent examples of buffoonery in the sporting world. We pledge to make this a regular Friday morning feature here at the House of Georges, one that might span perhaps the entire week, instead of today's narrow-minded slant on sports that I somewhat pretend to follow. This debut, however, promises to cover cities nicknamed after engines, Asians, mullets, and more. Sounds like a heckuva deal. Join us, after the jump.

Yesterday, the hipsters over at Deadspin predicted the "unpossible" advancing of both the Detroit Red Wings in the NHL playoffs, and the Detroit Pistons in the NBA playoffs in the same night. Lo and behold, it happened. If I didn't know any better, I'd suppose those guys were credentialed sports journalists. But I do. Lucky guess from random guys on their FaceSpaces and MyBooks.

What I want to know is, did the losers in these series have side bets going on who could underperform against their respective opponents? I mean, the Colorado Avalanche, albeit outskilled and overmatched, had a chance to not get broomed by the, in all likelihood, soon-to-be Stanley Cup Champion Red Wings (Editor's Note: Shoot me now; envision a downed horse with a broken leg. I beg you.), at home, and they just got smoked. I know the Avs are old and facing lots of injuries, but who's not at this point in the season? The Pistons, on the other end of the spectrum -- that's somehow code for also on the road -- of all things Motown, made easy work of eliminating the Philadelphia 76ers in a 100-77 blowout. Feel free to visit more professional NBA sports blogger sites for a re-cap of that titillating series.

In other NHL playoff news, the New York Rangers Jaromir Jagr helped his teammates pretend for a minute that they have a chance to overcome their three-games-to-one deficit against Jagr's former club, the Pittsburgh Penguins. This just in, buddy: pack it in. You no longer have a mullet, Mario is now on the other end of your dreams, and he's got a young, quick club that will hold true to the stat that no club has ever come back from being down 3-0. Don't waste anymore of your off-season; your goosage beith cooked.

In Kansas City sports news, Chiefs Head Coach Herman Edwards plans to launch phase two 11 of Operation Let's Give Kids Like Casey Printers A Shot Under Center. Apparently, the Chiefs will bring in former Florida quarterback Chris Leak for a workout. If I ever paid attention to college football, I suppose I would've known that this kid won a championship with his alma matter, and the MVP, to boot. Trouble is, he didn't get drafted and -- hello! -- he was cut by the Bears before the start of the '07 campaign. Everyone knows that the Bears are the NFL quarterback experts. Don't waste our time, Herm.

On the other side of the Truman Sports Complex, er, uh, also known as Arlington, Texas, the Royals wasted another solid Zack Greinke start. The kid punched out nine, walked a goose egg, and only surrendered two runs on four hits. Trouble was -- surprise! -- the Royals gave Greinke offensive support in the form of one run. Kansas City pitching coaches, wizards that they are, continue (Note: Not yesterday.) to try and plug in their Ace-sians from the 'pen. With the Nomo experiment already gone aghast, talks about middle reliever Yasuhiko Yabuta are suddenly turning sour. What? Why? He's only given up 12 runs, 19 hits and nine walks over the course of 13 innings. C'mon! Let the guy hang around through, say, mid-July. He'll get it together.

Finally, Bugs and Cranks offers this pitching tidbit about other baseball wastes of time, while The Big Lead suggests that Eric Gagne's finished wasting everybody's.

That's it for now. We'll wait around for the sports professionals of the world to break more news, so that we can copy and paste it into our sinister blog windows. From our basements, of course.


Cecil said...

Get it right, Bank--from our *mom's* basements.

Although my mom's basement is pretty fucking swank. It has a bar. That is a true statement and I will repeat it. It has a bar.(Ed. note: unfortunately, ma has yet to stock it with any alcohol, but still.)

So to Buzz Bissinger, Tracy Ring-a-ding-dingolsby and Grandpa Simpson, I say, suck the root, you old media shitnozzles. And please don't tell any of my bosses that I wrote that because I don't want to be fired.

blairjjohnson said...

Here's the thing. I actually do -- honest -- blog from the basement. But it's, uh, not at my mom's house. Should I pack up camp and re-situate over at her place? I feel like I'm missing out on something.