The Lesser of Two Evils

A little less than six hours from now, game five of the San Jose Sharks/Dallas Stars series will drop the puck, and I'm a bit nervous. Aside from the fact that I picked the Sharks, I've got an ounce or two of personal history riding on, well, tonight's game, and any other game for which the Sharks might like to stay alive. I'm pretty much a western teams kind of guy. Almost all of my clubs in the NHL are in the Western Conference; if I'm forced to watch some NBA playoffs, I've got my western bandwagon squads I'll pull for; in baseball I mostly follow the American League, which in some sense is like the west; and in football, if it ain't AFC West futbol, don't even bother callin'. Unless, in all cases, there're only bad guys left from said leagues. And then, much as I hate to, I must stray from the course.

It was 1994 when I first followed the Stanley Cups playoffs, a memorable year for the league as Captain Messier tasted glory one final time, this one ending a 50-year Cup drought for the New York Rangers, and I, as a 19-year old wise guy, was like, man fuck those guys. Puckheads -- the Vancouver theme running rampant that post-season -- are way cooler (Editor's Note: They're clearly one of the dorkiest niches on the planet). I, nevertheless, pulled for Vancouver, and obviously, they were unsuccessful. The following season, I reluctantly pulled for the New Jersey Devils -- it's a curious thing that I have no desire to see that franchise that started in Kansas City succeed being that I still have a soft spot for the Kansas City/Sacremento Kings -- only because they were playing the Red Wings. Being a Colorado resident still in '96, I jumped on the bandwagon formerly known as the Quebec Nordiques, which only left me wasted and highly unlaid at Coloradoponga's. I would then have to pull for the Flyers, which was cool since a buddy from Philly had moved to town, and the Capitals as the two clubs embarrassingly lost to Detroit in consecutive years.

Being a Blues fan, and an appreciator for the coaching style of Lindy Ruff, I rooted against Brett Hull and his Dallas Stars and pulled for Buffalo in '99, a championship tournament which was never rightfully settled. Back to cheering for the Devils again the following year as Dallas was again the opponent. I'm sure there were people that pulled for the Devils against Ray Borque and the Avs in 2001, but I never met any of them. The following year I became the world's biggest Hurricanes (not the Donkey-Punching variety) fan as, yup, Detroit. Again. Pulled for the Ducks against the Devils, the Flames when they lost to the Lightning, my passion renewed itself for Carolina -- my place of birth -- when they faced (and beat!) Edmonton, and of course I cheered on the Ducks last year against Ottawa.

So most of the last 15 years has been spent rooting against the Red Wings or the Stars when I had to root for an eastern team; in some of those cases rooting for the Devils because I hated the west's representative, in others rooting against them for the sake of the west. Now that Colorado has been swept by Detroit, the Sharks are my only good-guy club left. Of course, the Penguins play a good new brand of hockey, and I could pull for them on behalf of TLR, but my Philly buddy's got his Flyers to pull for, who've been in a Stanley Cup Finals in recent years, but not won one. The ultimate solution is to have the Sharks win, then I won't have to choose between Philly or Pittsburgh, and, at the same time, I won't be that bummed if they win. Ultimately, a Dallas/Detroit Western Conference Finals is about as exciting as eating lead chips.

So, please, hockey gods, don't make it happen.