KC Bar Owners Consider "The Iron Triangle" As New Name (Update: Actually They Don't)

Today's The Kansas City Star sports section had, as usual, its local doofus take from Jeffrey Flanagan, and the subject was a questioning of what might become of the Jared Allen Sports Arena & Grill -- it opened in March down on the always-hopping Southwest Boulevard -- now that Allen collects his paycheck from the Minnesota Vikings. I must admit, Mr. Flanagan, that I'd been wondering the same thing. The article claims that Chuck Tabor, Allen's partner in the deal, was pretty bummed to hear about the trade, so much so that he said, "We'd have never built a restaurant had we known a trade might happen. Never." Tabor said he's in consistent communication with Allen, and that business is doing well, yet he's curious whether or not they'll keep doing decent numbers. This, of course, is where we come in. After the jump, feast your eyes (crossed or not) on the top ten options for this new-to-Kansas City-establishment to consider.

Number Ten: Get A Better Name

My first suggestion would be "Tabor and Tamba's Taqueria." That'd be alright, 'cause, like there's no Mexican joints down on el Boulevardo. No-brainer, right? Had there never been any trade talks, I posit that that has got to be the worst establishment name choice in restauranteur history. And hey, get more Chiefs (past and present) involved. Flanagan writes that there's a Boomer (Grigsby) Burger on the menu. That's a good start. Why not add to it? I can see it now: Nigerian Nightmare Nachos, Brodie Bangs Bratwurst (marinated and boiled in Pabst Blue Ribbon, of course), LJ's Inverted Vagina Symbol Linguini, the X-Factor's Block in the (Baby) Back Ribs, the list goes on.

Number Nine: Move to the Power and Light District

Here's a notion: Location, location, location. Ever heard of that? Riiiight. I mean, the Boulevard's awesome if you're looking for a truckful of Mexicans to install a pool or put on a new roof, but it's nowhere near the hot spot that downtown is becoming. You guys ever hear of a little thing called the Sprint Center?

Number Eight: Hire Chief Girlfriends and Wives

October Gonzalez seats you, Kelli Croyle's your server, and, um, yeah -- I don't know of any others, but hey -- cheerleaders! It's a start, man. It's a start.

Number Seven: Dismiss Notion of Making It An Other-Teams-Friendly Bar

Either this is a really bad idea, or I'm clueless as to the masses of Vikings fans that live in the Kansas City area. My guess is that the former is correct. Hey, why not make it an all-AFC West joint? That'd go over real well. Cheap Chargers Happy Hour, Donkey Dinners, Al Davis Appetizers. I can see the line at the door. Except, wait -- those "customers" all have stink bombs and Malotov Cocktails in their hands.

Number Six: Employ the Invite-Only Sunday Night Downstairs Dance Club

Ever since Mi Cocina closed it's dungeon of make-out rooms, Tony G. and the boys have had to settle with Blonde. Boo. That place blows. Break out the champagne and the $300 bottles of vodka. Get some couches. Run a ladies' night special. Win, win, win.

Number Five: Keep George Brett Out of the Mix

Old No. Five's former Plaza establishment had to be one of the worst efforts at a restaurant and bar I've ever witnessed. Very pretty inside, but terrible service and horrendous food don't really win you back. Let George stick to whatever it is he sticks to that doesn't have anything to do with putting his name on a sign.

Number Four: Aggressively Advertise Former KC Athletes Not Welcome

Dedicate some wall space for a KC Sports Hall of Shame. Include photos, stats and community mishaps as well. Phrases like Angel Berroa's Wall of Blunders, Ryan Sims' 48th Ham Sandwich of the Day, Steve Bono's Table Tent of Places Not to Eat are all gimmicks that are sure to get the guests inside.

Number Three: Have a Mug Club & Offer Lots and Lots of Fried Food

Offer memberships to exclusive beer drinkers. Guys and girls can pay a premium, bring in their favorite malt-liquor vessel and belly up. All the time. And while they're drinking, you can't lose with a deep fryer. Got burritos on the menu? Make chimichangas. What goes great with beer? And water and soda? Fried crap. Free case of Twinkies come in by mistake? Dessert special!

Number Two: Get on Board with the Green Movement

Boast how environmentally friendly the place is. Minimize paper product usage and incorporate it into the menu, too. I mean, there are surely some knuckleheads in town that will order lettuce wraps just because you tell them there's some Arrowhead grass in the dish. Oh, and run everything on solar energy, too.

Number One: Let the House of Georges Take Over

Clearly the best option on the list. Each of us has more restaurant experience in our pinky fingers than, well, probably everyone on staff there right now. Cecil could sling drinks, even if he's not as hot as Miss Croyle (Editor's Note: Sorry, Cec'.), Seven can out GM any schlep you'll get from a headhunter, and I'll head up the back-of-the-house staff. We'll quickly get one of those six a.m. liquor license extensions, add outdoor dining, and hire strippers subscribe to all of the satellite sports packages. Lick your fingers, Mr. Tabor. Get ready to count them benjamins.