We Are Hot Chicks: Hide And Seek

Editor's Note: This one sort of pushes the envelope as far as work safety goes. If you have a boss or wife that might object to you checking out pictures of 99% naked women, you may want to find a different computer (or boss, or wife).

As this is ostensibly a sports blog, I've always tried to theme my installments of the Hot Chicks along athletic lines. I've gone over Hot Chicks that bang pitchers and Hot Chicks that have fake marriages with gay jocks. I looked into features on Hot Chicks of the NBA, women's soccer and triathlons, but most of those broads are hideous.

Since the WWE murder/suicide story has been getting a lot of play this week, I thought I had an easy in: Hot Chick wrestling. But my "research" into images of various grappling mediums (mud, oil, Jello, K-Y, pudding, creamed corn, etc.) revealed two disturbing truths. One is that most of the women that wrestle in filth fall far below the attractiveness standards of this fine website. Two is that the ones that are easy on the eyes tend to get all fucked up because they're obscured by an opaque glaze of goo. I did find this (slightly NSFW), which is certainly appealing.

But all that got me thinking about a game we used to play: Hide & Seek. It's particularly appropriate during the heat of summer, when the ladies play all sorts of dumb games with their apparel, obscuring their desirable parts with tinier and tinier swatches , strings and straps. Yes, constant nudity would be great, but where's the sport in that? Thus here is a scientific breakdown of various ways to disguise the nips and hoo-has.

THE HANDS

Since most of us, unless we're soccer freaks or hacky-sackers, use our hands to accomplish most simple tasks, they're the most natural devices with which to obscure one's udder womanhood. Mandy here gets extra points for the placement of her fingers, allowing her silicone glory to overflow in all the right areas.

THE FINGER PAINT

Occasionally one ends up elbow-deep in paint. It happens. It also leaves hand-shaped residue upon one's chest, which might turn you on if you have a kindergarten art fetish like Caitlynn (or Katelyn or Kaitlin, honestly who gives a shit?) here.

THE CURTAINS

Some call them drapes, some shades. I call them the only thing between us and lovely Brittany here.

THE SCARF

When it's cold outside, you must dress smartly. Janet, who's obviously an A student, has bundled up in a fashionable striped muffler and is ready for Arctic conditions.

THE THREE SLICES OF AMERICAN CHEESE

Somehow bonded together by strands of Silly String. Nice work, Melissa.

THE CHAINS

Jessica is serious about emergency preparedness. Should her vehicle ever get stuck in a ditch she can always attach her various cables and pulleys to extract it. Likewise, if she bags a deer during hunting season she has enough chain with which to secure it to her roof. Very handy.

THE CHAMPION

No one, and I do mean no one, pulls off the minimal coverup like Louise Glover. Here she goes for the fishnet bodysuit, in case she spies a sturgeon in a nearby lake.
These concentric spirals are what Louise wears to basketball games. She sits behind the hoop and distracts opposing free throw shooters.
In class today, I assigned Louise a gold star for every time she made a HoG reader take his laptop into the restroom.
And Louise wishes you good day.