Musings from Roy F. Almania: Bucking the Trend

Editor's Note: This post was put together by the cousin of yours truly. I can't vouch for him; he lives in Joplin, Missouri, was home-schooled (still lives with my aunt and uncle who, by the way, vacation in Arkansas every year), has never been west of Kansas City or north of Omaha or east of Jefferson City, and I'd imagine the only form, if any, of sex he's ever had probably shares some strains of DNA with the both of us.

That said, he lives and dies with the Kansas City Royals, and I've given him the keys to the House so that he may voice what one might call bumpkin fandom of said ball club. We'll see how it goes.

I got zero desire to get into the feud/debate (minimal as it may seem in states not called Missourah) Buddy Bell's platooning of catchers John Buck and Jason LaRue, mostly because it pisses me off more than them cockteases from Hannibal. You wanna give the boy a random day off? No problem. Let Buck sit for the day game that follows the night game in which he started? Damn skippy. This reasonless, rhymeless bullshit has got to end, though. Here's why:

John Buck is on pace to break Steve Balboni's 1985 single-season Royals' homerun record of 36. I know, right? How could any big leaguer ever go yard 36 times in an entire season? Must be some nutty moose juice in the water around there.

Note: Case I scoop The Kansas City Star on this story, and you never hear from me again, it's 'cause they've finally fired that fat colored and hired me as his replacement.

Let's take a look at them numbers, though.

In 1985, Balboni played (that term's looser'n a Springfield freshman, I imagine) in 160 games, came to the plate 600 times, and finished the season with 88 RsBI (they'll get it right one of these days) and an average .243. That's about .225 homeruns per game or a six percent at-bats-to-homeruns ratio (I's always good with the numbers). Through 52 starts this year, Buck has had 170 at bats. Including today's series (broomball!) finale with ol' Brian's Los Calipornaheim Angels, he's got 14 jacks, which rounds out to .27 homeruns per game, or an eight percent at-bats-to-homeruns-ratio. Balboni also averaged .55 RsBI per game that (championship) year; Buck's on pace to finish with a smidgeon less, though his average is higher than where Bye-Bye finished that season (don't you forget game seven, now). The big, bald mustachioed lug also struck out a shit-stinkin' 166 times in '85 versus Buckyboy's 42 Ks thus far.

Now, I know I done mentioned Dayton Moore's doin' a fine job (I love these Internets!), but boy, if ain't wrong, don't fix it. Gets any greener (by greener, I mean worser, and by worser, I mean LaRue), I'll pick it (by pick it, I mean re-assign).

Let's go, Buddy, Dayton. Let's make like Denzel Washington's movie and "Do the Right Thing."

--Roy F. Almania

Editor's Note: While cousin Roy's stats are in fact accurate, his sensibility is...well, not so much.

Update 07/17/07: The last sentence under "Play Buck" here. C'mon, guys.