We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: Bosom Buddies

Welcome back for another installment of We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday. This week we'll have a look at articles/behaviors women use to make their upper torso region that much more appealing to men. Yeah. Tough task. Women, nevertheless, do have their work cut out for them, and men will always want more. That said, it's an interesting concept when you think of what women will do to make those thanks for the mammaries more obvious and erotic than they already were in their natural state. Oh, we've got a doozy of a lineup, too, so grab your adult beverage and your deepest box of Puffs. You're in for the long haul.

Marketa Brymova



The folded arms/lingerie combo never hurt anyone. Toss in a sultry stare and some spread legs, you've got one hell of a sandwich. Dee-nair es reh-dee.

Breeann McGregor



Also a fan of lingerie, Miss McGregor likes the attire while hanging out in the flower garden. This delicious photo was taken just after I'd helped her trim her rose bush. The thing was in full bloom and, what with the heat and all, it was time to say goodbye to that cumbersome top.

Ines Alecsandra



Boob shots from behind are an under-appreciated rare breed. It's always a nice touch, too when you find yourself distracted by the adorable peach fuzz on the buns. That whacky Ines. She'll do just about anything to distract a fella. Come to think of it, she'll do just about anything to a fella.

Lauren Stagg



The kitty-cat crawl almost always results in some boob draggage, a sure-fire recipe for good times, especially when it's across my comforter in a sassy little outfit like that. Raaaair...

Jillian Beyor



When a young gal with the knitting capabilities of Miss Beyor sluttily innocently holds her hands in front of her new-sweater-adorned chest, it just has wholesome written all over it. Of course the microscopic mini-skirt with beckoning mound beneath never hurts either.

Erica Kelly



Sometimes, it's just best to be blunt.

Ariadne Artiles



The innocent/exhausted/naive approach never hurt anyone, though.

Amanda Wright



Silk shirts and pearl gorgeous necklaces have been man's favorite breast enhancement since the beginning of, well...clothes and jewelry. In our most recent House of Georges staff meeting, it was unanimously agreed upon that that trend will not likely change anytime soon.

Kyla Cole



Miss Cole gets the double nod for this installment. Why? Well, looking smokin' hot while smokin' spread-legged with heaving breasts in the back of a limo will get you prizes in at least 49 of our 50 states. You never know what those crazy Texans are thinking.



Oh, wait. Yeah, I do. They're thinking, "We like our girls lightly oiled, topless, and adorned with cowboy hats, preferably near the jacuzzi. Yee-haw."

Diora Baird









Having gotten the superb setup from Miss Cole, we'll wrap it up this week with Miss Baird, our knock-'em-down closer. She blows her junk past all of the competition since she a) has a pretty rad name, b) is wicked hot, and c) borrows from each of the my-boobs-rock-even-more-so-now categories.






That's a wrap, boys and girls. Now that Miss Baird has gotten us the save, we'll need her to knock out that Tommy John Surgery. Or at least come over and help clean up mine.

'Til next time...

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We Are Hot Chicks: Hide And Seek

Editor's Note: This one sort of pushes the envelope as far as work safety goes. If you have a boss or wife that might object to you checking out pictures of 99% naked women, you may want to find a different computer (or boss, or wife).

As this is ostensibly a sports blog, I've always tried to theme my installments of the Hot Chicks along athletic lines. I've gone over Hot Chicks that bang pitchers and Hot Chicks that have fake marriages with gay jocks. I looked into features on Hot Chicks of the NBA, women's soccer and triathlons, but most of those broads are hideous.

Since the WWE murder/suicide story has been getting a lot of play this week, I thought I had an easy in: Hot Chick wrestling. But my "research" into images of various grappling mediums (mud, oil, Jello, K-Y, pudding, creamed corn, etc.) revealed two disturbing truths. One is that most of the women that wrestle in filth fall far below the attractiveness standards of this fine website. Two is that the ones that are easy on the eyes tend to get all fucked up because they're obscured by an opaque glaze of goo. I did find this (slightly NSFW), which is certainly appealing.

But all that got me thinking about a game we used to play: Hide & Seek. It's particularly appropriate during the heat of summer, when the ladies play all sorts of dumb games with their apparel, obscuring their desirable parts with tinier and tinier swatches , strings and straps. Yes, constant nudity would be great, but where's the sport in that? Thus here is a scientific breakdown of various ways to disguise the nips and hoo-has.

THE HANDS

Since most of us, unless we're soccer freaks or hacky-sackers, use our hands to accomplish most simple tasks, they're the most natural devices with which to obscure one's udder womanhood. Mandy here gets extra points for the placement of her fingers, allowing her silicone glory to overflow in all the right areas.

THE FINGER PAINT

Occasionally one ends up elbow-deep in paint. It happens. It also leaves hand-shaped residue upon one's chest, which might turn you on if you have a kindergarten art fetish like Caitlynn (or Katelyn or Kaitlin, honestly who gives a shit?) here.

THE CURTAINS

Some call them drapes, some shades. I call them the only thing between us and lovely Brittany here.

THE SCARF

When it's cold outside, you must dress smartly. Janet, who's obviously an A student, has bundled up in a fashionable striped muffler and is ready for Arctic conditions.

THE THREE SLICES OF AMERICAN CHEESE

Somehow bonded together by strands of Silly String. Nice work, Melissa.

THE CHAINS

Jessica is serious about emergency preparedness. Should her vehicle ever get stuck in a ditch she can always attach her various cables and pulleys to extract it. Likewise, if she bags a deer during hunting season she has enough chain with which to secure it to her roof. Very handy.

THE CHAMPION

No one, and I do mean no one, pulls off the minimal coverup like Louise Glover. Here she goes for the fishnet bodysuit, in case she spies a sturgeon in a nearby lake.
These concentric spirals are what Louise wears to basketball games. She sits behind the hoop and distracts opposing free throw shooters.
In class today, I assigned Louise a gold star for every time she made a HoG reader take his laptop into the restroom.
And Louise wishes you good day. Read more

Rockies/Cubs GameBlog 6-25-07

Bill Simmons calls it a Running Diary, some call it live-blogging, I call it "The Wife's at work, the Red Sox are on late and I already jerked off." Let's see how it goes.

PREGAME Through the magic of satellite television, I was able to watch the Rockies' pregame show even though the Extra Innings broadcast is the Cubs' feed. I've been meaning to say it for a while, the Rockies' studio crew is fucking out of control. They act as if they're covering the best team in baseball history. Every win is a precursor to the World Series, and every loss an abomination of bad umpiring. Guys. Settle down. You're having a nice season, and the playoffs are certainly within reach, but with every outlandish statement you only hurt your credibility with actual baseball fans.

Case in point: Host Tim Ring claims that in the last two months Jeff Francis has been the most dominant pitcher in baseball. I'd have to do a little research, but this is certainly not true. Then sidekick Jeff Huson asserted that Francis is among the best lefthanders in baseball. Now this is open ended, but I could list at least a dozen better. Francis is a very good pitcher, and he's been putting the Rockies in a position to win every single night, but come on.

Let's play some ball, shall we?

1ST INNING The wind is blowing out at Wrigley Field, so we can expect some offensive fireworks. Bob Brenly is the color man, working with some nondescript play-by-play guy on Comcast. Brenly is a joke. Mark Grace should have this job, or at the very least it should still be in the hands of Steve Stone.

The Rockies' lineup really is impressive. The middle four of Holliday, Helton, Atkins and Hawpe is particularly nasty, especially now that Atkins is seeing and squaring up on the ball. Even though they were nearly no-hit yesterday and swept in Toronto, this young club can really swing it.

After Taveras strikes out, Matsui singles and steals second on Rob Bowen, the new catcher acquired in the Barrett deal. Holliday singles and Helton walks, meaning the three Rox on my fantasy team have reached. Atkins immediately grounds into a double play to end the inning.

In the Cubs half, Soriano leads off and flies out. Fontenot legs out an infield hit/Kaz Matsui error (I never noticed what the official scorer decided) but is picked off first in short order. Then, with two outs, the Cubs sequence goes single, single, single to score Lee, three-run homer off the bat of Angel Pagan. All off of Jeff Francis, the most dominant pitcher in baseball and the best lefthander in the history of the sport. Bowen whiffed to end the inning. Cubs 4, Rockies 1.

2ND INNING In the top half, Jason Marquis reaches his 1000th inning pitched in the bigs. Congratulations. Just for kicks I looked up his career stats, which yielded a 61-56 record, 4.44 ERA and 602 strikeouts. For that he got a three-year, $21 million contract. His lifetime numbers are similar to Ted Lilly, Gil Meche, Jake Westbrook and Joel Piniero, who signed for a combined $120 million last winter. If you think I'm not making my kid pitch until his arm falls off you're nuts.

The Cubs went 1-2-3 in the bottom half, so let's examine the uniforms. The Cubs wear the classic white pinstripes. I'm glad they put names back on. Look, some jerseys can pull off the no-name look, such as the Yankees and the Red Sox home threads. But when teams artificially take the names off, like the Cubs or the Dodgers a couple years back, it feels fake. Anyway, the Rockies are, as always, among the worst-dressed teams in baseball. Their latest disaster is the black vests over black t-shirts. Guh. At least they don't have a giant purple dinosaur as a mascot. Still 4-1 home team.

3RD INNING Now we're settling into a groove, and Francis actually does look like Walter Johnson--Jeff Huson, I stand corrected. We now have the Cubs' directer of public something blathering about his promotion to let average Joes sing during the seventh inning stretch. This is brutal, and I'm going to walk the dog and drink beer out of paper bag. It actually works great, as I can consume an open container of alcohol in public and pick up the inevitable shit. My neighbors love me.

4TH INNING Somehow it's 5-1, and through the magic of TiVo I discover that it was a result of a DeRosa groundout. I know you've heard it a million times, but TiVo really is the greatest. If you consider yourself a sports fan, you have to have it, along with HD, widescreen, hi-speed Interwebs, XM radio, and the football, baseball and SportsPak packages on DirecTV. It's only money, you sissies. If you're relying on ESPN to filter and deliver your sports information you are behind the times, my friend. It's an on-demand world.

The AFLAC trivia question is: Who was the first Rockie to win a major postseason award? Easy, Larry Walker in '97, MVP. Now give me my money. If you were wondering how the dog's shit went, it was a little runny for the paper bag. Luckily today was trash day and I could get the mess off my hands in a hurry, then wipe off with a diaper from the gutter. These are the things you do if you love your pets.

The AFLAC trivia answer is: Don Baylor? '95 Manager of the Year? That's fucked. Manager of the Year is a ridiculous award. All it means is you took a team none of the writers thought was any good to the playoffs. That, to me, is indicative of the fact that the writers don't know what they're talking about. And we hand out an award for that? I'm just bitter because I only hit that AFLAC trivia question once a year, and I thought I nailed that one. Fuck the duck.

5TH INNING In the midst of Marquis mowing down the Rox 1-2-3, Kaz Matsui strikes out. Have you ever looked at his stats from Japan? They're amazing, when you consider what he's done in MLB. His last five years with Seibu, his averages were .330-.322-.308-.332-.305 and his home runs 15-23-24-36-33 (he's hit fifteen total in five years stateside). I'll go ahead and start the rumor that Matsui was on the Japanese BALCO, just for fun.

He also eats lightning and shits thunder.

That Southwest Airlines commercial where the guy throws a cinder block at the window of a car that's not his is in the Commercial Hall Of Fame. I don't care if the director was on steroids or it was made using CGI. Hall of Fame.

DeRosa delivers another RBI on a groundout, and Walter Johnson has yielded six runs to the Cubs. I'm sure FSR will say that home plate umpire Ron Kulpa was squeezing him.

6TH INNING Todd Helton skies a ball to left, a routine fly that Soriano nearly turns into a triple. I don't care what anyone says, Soriano is a horrible defensive ballplayer at any position. He's also a hot-dogging dick who puts his teammates at risk with his post-HR shenanigans. And he's overpaid by about $50 million. Other than that, great guy.

The Rockies load the bases with a Torrealba single, and Atkins is held at third. The Cubs' play-by-play guy trumpets Soriano's laser rocket arm as the reason, and goes on and on about Alfonso's outfield assists from the last couple years. This is a bullshit stat. Manny Ramirez is always among the AL leaders in outfield assists, but that's only because everyone thinks he's the worst defensive leftfielder in the game and runs on him. Ditto with Soriano. He does have a gun, but he's still lousy. Ryan Spilborghs singles home a couple runs, and we've got a ball game. Lou brings in Wuertz to pitch, and he induces a ground ball to stop the bleeding. 6-3 home team.

7TH INNING The Red Sox game just started, and I'm in a pickle. No worries, as I go to the Game Mix channel--eight contests at once. I can see Cubs-Rockies (lefty Tom Marten takes the mound for the Rox) and the first pitch of Boston-Seattle. As a bonus, the audio is none other than Vin Scully, calling the Dodgers-D'Bags game. The contrast to Brenly and this other a-hole is stunning.

The downside to my viewing strategy, of course, is that I miss almost everything that goes on in the game I'm live-blogging. Marten just balked Theriot to second, and now the Cubs' baserunner is on third following a grounder to short. I can't even remember the last time I saw a balk. It's like the Loch Ness Monster--I've heard of it, and I've seen grainy evidence, but I'm not sure it actually exists. Fontenot singles in Theriot to make it 7-3, and we're reminded for the fortieth time that Fontenot, Theriot and Hawpe all played on LSU's College World Series championship team a few years back. I get it.

By the way, congrats to Oregon state for defending their Omaha title. If I knew a single person that matriculated at OSU I'd call 'em up, but I don't.

Our Red Tank Top count for the night sits at seven, but that number may be inaccurate. There's a smokin' hot brunette sitting about five rows back in Section 25 that shows up every time a lefthander bats. Just to refresh, the Legend of the Red Tank Top was born in the bleachers of Coors Field on blazing-hot summer day, during one of these Rockies-Cubs games. Sitting three rows in front of us were a couple of stacked young ladies wearing, well, you can guess. We were drunk, and their boyfriends were not happy, but hey, 2 on 25 is not good odds. They took it like Bobby Knight would have wanted. Cubs broadcasts are well-known for their gratuitous Hot Chick shots. Arne Harris has no shame whatsoever.

Back to the action, the Rockies have something cooking here. Back-to-back walks by Wuertz have chased him and brought Scott Eyre into the fracas to face Hawpe. Eyre sits him down with a 3-2 fastball and there goes the rally.

Our Seventh Inning Stretch brings us "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" sung by, guh, Patrick Kane. He's the No. 1 pick of the NHL Draft by the Chicago Blackhawks. Naturally, he botches the lyrics, and if I were President this would be the last straw. We're pulling the military out of the Middle East and invading Canada.

Afterward, they interview this jackass, who turns out to be just as big an idiot as every other 18-year-old millionaire you've ever seen. They showed his ceremonial first pitch, where he shook off the catcher and sailed a throw wide, all while wearing Lindros' 88. By the way, it turns out the kid's from Buffalo, but I don't care. We're still going to war.

8TH INNING Sorry about the delay, asshole, but my stolen wireless Web-coms from across the street took a hiatus. The eighth was uneventful, so let me disclose that Craig Biggio took a seat tonight. Biggio is four hits shy of 3,000, and he'll almost certainly ride the pine until his team returns home from Milwaukee. Bullshit. Craig Biggio is now out of my Hall Of Fame. Fontenot doubles in Theriot ("Did you know they were college teammates, Bob?"), 8-3 Cubs.

TOP OF THE 9TH Scott Eyre came in to a jam in the seventh, then cruised through the eighth. Brenly and The A-Hole have been yipping about how important this game is for Eyre, who's been a gas can of late. Lou leaves him in to close it out, and here's how it goes:

Matsui single. Holliday walk. Helton double, Matsui scores. Howry in for Eyre. Atkins singles, Holliday scores. Hawpe singles, Helton scores. Tulowitzki homers, Atkins and Hawpe score. The Rockies lead 9-8, and the Cubs have yet to record an out. Howry eventually extracts himself, but I'm leery of these developments. It was only Friday that Tulowitzki homered in the top of the 10th in Toronto to give the Rockies an 8-6 lead, only to see the Rox blow it in the bottom.

BOTTOM OF THE 9TH Brian Fuentes comes in for Colorado, essentially negating Lou's lefthanded bench power (Cliff Floyd, etc.). DeRosa leads off with a bloop single, and Pie runs for him. Pagan whiffs, Bowen grounds into a fielder's choice, and then Koye Hill laces a long single into left. The outfield basically had ivy up their asses, and Holliday cut the ball off and held Bowen the catcher at second. With two outs, Theriot's grounder is booted by Matsui, and the bases are loaded with two outs for Soriano.

First pitch, single to center. Jacque Jones, running for Bowen, and Hill score, and the Cubs win! Cubs win! What a game. I seriously thought I'd picked the worst game of the year to live-blog, and it turned out to be one of the best. Tough luck for the Rockies, who've now lost four in a row after sweeping the Yankees.

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We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday: The Sultry Stare

In our continuing efforts to bring you the latest, freshest breaking news in the world of athletic competitions and hot measty cleavages, we've pilfered some more images that some other guy posted on some other, clearly not-as-important CyberWebs locale.

It's hard, thankless work, but we know the show must go on.

I'll assume that this fun-filled collection contains nothing shy of lovely ladies our readers have yet to meet, but wouldn't mind doing so.

Karina Jelinek

This adorable 26-year-old gal from Argentina likes to work out. I mean, she's a staple for exercise at gyms in Buenos Aires. And by staple, I mean the kind that won't come out of the stapler, thus detracting one from accomplishing what was originally desired. Her workout suits set quite the fashion trend, too. It's a bizarre trend, one in which men fashion themselves mopping up piles of slobber from the head rest of the leg press sled. Her gym has actually asked her to contribute paper towels a la the box of Kleenex you brought to home room at the beginning of each year in elementary school.

Whether or not the following quote has to do with Kleenex, I'm not sure. Miss Jelinek, however has been quoted as saying, "I like them to grease me with honey or chocolate and remove it with their tongue, slowly." I'm also unsure if she insisted that comma be there, but I sure can dig on some grammar.

Kelly Brook

A delightful 27-year-old, originally from Rochester, England, Miss Brook has been handed countless awards for her tits stunning ability to give photographers "that look". She's also engaged to Billy Zane, famous (to me anyway) for playing the asshole engaged to Rose in the movie "Titanic." Hello? Rose didn't want to marry him. Why would you, Miss Brook? Find out more about her at her official Web site.

Michelle Ryan

Another gem from Britain (London to be exact), Miss Ryan, a young 23, dazzles viewers with her fitness, be it portrayed in color or the silently sizzling classic appeal of black-and-white. She's been ranked in the top 100 of FHM's Sexiest Women in four of the last five years. Shocker. What really sold me on her, though, was that "Last of the Mohicans" is her favorite flick. It's easily one of my all-time favorites as well. Yep. I'm a member of the non-gay Daniel Day Lewis fan club. His work in that movie, along with "Gangs of New York" and "In the Name of the Father" sold me on a lifetime membership. Clearly, one more reason for Miss Ryan and I to date. I mean mate.

Sarita Stella

Sarita Stella never banged Bob Barker before he finally called it a career. Well, not that the HoG is aware of anyway. She did, however, model some products for the grand old "The Price is Right." The price on that hiring was definitely not wrong, bitch. Another thing we like about Miss Stella is that she's not a wanker (see brief, non-evidenced bio on previous two hot chicks). Nope. She's an Aussie. So, naturally, she has extreme/demanded ties of loyalty to the royal kingdom, but whatever. Finally, she's engaged to a football player named Brodie. I'll bet her husband-to-be isn't as talented and studly as this guy, but, hey, you can't have it all.

Stephanie Loren

Ah. Nothing like a nice, 24-year-old Californian to be the highlight of crash your lingerie party. She's managed to knock out two of the HoG's three criteria for Miss Universe; in her novice career, she's already been one of Playboy's painted lady models, and she attended Hef's off-the-hook Halloween party. I also like that she notes on her resume that she was some California radio station's "Hot Chick of the Day." Hmph. Those is small beans compared to making an appearance on WAHCW. Come on, now. We hope to see that updated by week's end.

Abigail Clancy

We're not sure why Miss Clancy has to tease us with the sheet, but it's all good. The lovely Liverpool, England native is all of 21. She's got plenty of time to learn. Her young career highlights include a tidbit I'm not sure how to include. Wikipedia, a Web domain I'm all too fond of not using, claims that she "is the new face and body of Pussy Glamore's winter lingerie collection alongside Elizabeth Jagger in photos shot by Bryan Adams." Yeah. For real. First of all, there's a magazine called Pussy Glamore? Second of all, Steven Tyler and Mick Jagger both have attractive daughers? Turns out they do. Finally, Bryan Adams takes pictures of hot chicks? I am totally flippin' flabbergasted by that. Really. Shouldn't that guy be hanging out in a treehouse with Meatloaf somewhere in Alberta? Christ. I thought we'd thrown him in the tower after his last musical endeavor, but no. He snaps shots of girls. Savory.

Angelica Bridges

Finally. A girl from Missouri. Who likes hockey. And bangs (her daughter Valentina Raine Souray will be four this fall). The kid's father still plays some brutal D, but he's no longer in the picture. Game on!

Jessica Burciaga

This young lady has some hot pics of herself up on her myspace page. You can check out her official Web page, too. She's a 24-year-old Californian. And, she has a Web cam schedule on her page. Holla'! Oh, and be careful if you click the photos link on her site. It's got some NSFWish action going on there.

Joanna Krupa

Miss Krupa, a native of Warsaw, Poland, will be 26 this year. She's another one of those leading ladies that's knocked out the competition in the hot body awards contests that happen (apparently the HoG's tickets to said functions continue to get lost in the mail) on a semi-regular basis. Miss Krupa now resides in splendid Los Angeles, which, though high in pollution, allows one to obtain employment in the position of juggy dancer for "The Man Show." God, I love those guys. You can peep her InterWebs locale here.

Jurgita Valts

Far and beyond, hands down, without question or doubt, the HoG's favorite of the selection of sultry stare-esses. Feel free to scope her myspace page here. I'd post some other links of this fine-ass 27-year-old from Philly, but none of them would be kosher for work. We can't really tell you much more about her, except for that she's very hot and frequently naked. Shouldn't be too tough.

That's all for this installment. Be sure to tune in next week when Old No. 7 blows the lid off the joint with full-nude, transvestite fisting his in-depth perspective on just what is a We Are Hot Chicks Wednesday hot chick.

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