Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Tradition Tuesday: Herman's Mixtape (and more!)

Editor's Note: The rough focus of this blog is the rivalry between the Kansas City Chiefs (heralded by Bankmeister) and the Denver Broncos (championed by Cecil and Old No. 7). It may seem unfair that it's two vs. one, but once KC gets that second Super Bowl we'll even out the delegation.


Seven years ago we started The Tradition, in which Bronco fans travel out to the Truman Sports Complex with their team, and Chef-lovers return to the Rocky Mountains with theirs. We tailgate, we talk massive amounts of shit, our wives occasionally get assaulted by rival fans, and we almost always watch the visiting team lose. It's a grand old time.

Here at the HoG, we're going to keep The Tradition alive all year long with Tradition Tuesday--a weekly state-of-the-rivalry address.

IT'S A HARD KNOCK LIFE FOR US

In delightful news for The Tradition, the Kansas City Chiefs will be featured in this year's edition of the HBO show Hard Knocks. I can barely hide my glee over the notion that Herman will be regularly broadcast in unedited form, even though he is the rarest form of comedian: one that does not rely on vulgarity to get a laugh. I myself am a lousy comic, as my punch lines generally consist of multiple fuckity-fuck-fucks, the word pus and a graphic description of ass-boning a donkey.

Check out the video clip here. My blog-publishing skills, much like my comedy skills, are miniscule. I can not embed YouTube in my posts, and it fucking pisses me off. Sure, I could learn, but I could also volunteer to help retarded kids. Not happening. Watch the clip, which is bursting at the seams with good stuff. It has Herman, in all his nonsensical glory ("I'm a big believer in The Shield," he says). It has King Carl, informing us that there are Chefs season ticket holders in the District of Columbia. Good to know. It has Steve Sabol telling us that the Chief franchise is fully endorsed by Commissioner Roger Goodell, who's nothing short of a Marxist despot.

In short, I'm counting the seconds until this airs. I'm sure LJ will come off as very humble.

It's interesting to note the success of the two teams that have been featured on Hard Knocks in the past, the '01 Ravens and the '02 Cowboys. Baltimore was coming off of its championship season. Brian Billick showed incredible hubris in allowing HBO to document his greatness (as well as in replacing effective Trent Dilfer with Elvis Grbac). The team was significantly worse in their post-Hard Knocks season.

Dallas at that time was coached by the forgettable Dave Campo, and Hard Knocks served mostly as a vehicle for Jerry Jones to reveal his minimal football knowledge, orange tan and trampoline-tight facial skin. The 'Boys went 5-11, Campo got canned, Parcells replaced him and Hard Knocks was shelved...until now. Good times.

KANSAS CITY'S SAVIOR

I've held on to a dream for a long time. The dream involves a boy turning into a man, and that man eventually solving the longtime quarterback woes of the Kansas City Chiefs. The twist on this fairy tale is that the man is the son of John Elway.

Well, the dream is on track, and could honestly happen. Set your watches for April of 2011, Tradition fans, when young Jack could be eligible for the NFL Draft. The Chiefs could be coming out of their failed Brodie Croyle Experiment, and after a year or two with a midlevel stopgap (Kyle Boller, anyone?) could be desperate for a signal-caller. Young Jack has just finished an All-American career at USC (or LSU, or Michigan, it really doesn't fucking matter so long as it's not CU) and is the clear-cut best player in the Draft. KC is on the clock...WHAT WILL THEY DO? Should this scenario actually play out Bankmeister would drop dead of irony poisoning.
BRANCHING OUT
In just a few short months, the House of Georges has evolved from a slovenly bachelor shanty to the palatial mansion you now call home. It was only natural that the demand for Banky, Cecil and Old No. 7 would exceed the bandwith of the HoG, and so we're spreading some of our good cheer and misinformed principles to other locations on the World Wide Cyber-coms. As of this week, the Just The Fans Network has launched Predominantly Orange, a new Broncos blog prominently featuring Cecil and yours truly. Additionally, our pals over at Arrowhead Addict have signed Bankmeister to a long-term, incentive-laden contract. He'll be gracing AA with his Chef Surprise from time to time, so check it out too.

These side projects will allow us to riff on our NFL teams of choice brazenly and openly. The HoG will still deliver a steady diet of first-rate NBA and WNBA coverage, so don't lose any sleep.

And in a vaguely Simmonsesque move, we'd also like to announce a mysterious future project that may or may not infect more of your spare time and hard drive space. I can't give out any more details, because it is top fucking secret (and it may never actually happen), but I can safely say it does not involve us being filmed by an HBO reality crew in our daily lives, narrated by Steve Sabol. Yet.

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