Lone Reader Wedding Weekend Wrap: Take One

There's some sports material in here. I swear. But mostly, it'll be hodge-podgy, so feel free to move on. In sum, a select group of folks ranging from Maine to California to Zambia to Kansas City to Canadia all gathered this weekend to witness the House of Georges' adorable Lone Reader cash in his bachelor tokens for a life of beautiful wedded bliss (Editor's Note: Sucker.). Sources close to the ceremony weekend would assure that it was a good time. Unless you ask the kidneys and livers attached to those sources, that is. Translation: It is pure miracle that many aspects of this event were not wrecked and destroyed as most of the guests were ridiculously hammered for the entire four-day weekend. I know there was talk of going streaking. Whether or not it happened, I'm still unsure; I turned in around four a.m. most of the nights. My brain, however, survived, and actually absorbed a few facts. It promises to share a few of them after the jump.

(1) The Lone Reader's bachelor party started, odd as it may sound, at the NFL Hall of Fame. That was the meeting spot. I enjoyed myself there, and will likely touch on it once or 47 times as the week progresses. It was expensive, and didn't have tons of bells and whistles, but I thought it was pretty damn cool. I was blown away, however, at how many guys were not very impressed/disappointed by it. I'm not really sure what they were expecting...actually, I am: TLR wanted NFL cheerleaders selling giving away beer in each room. Immediately after our visit, we hit multiple liquor stores and spent roughly $400 on booze. Just to kick things off. And that doesn't include Friday night's keg, wedding reception alcohol, or the 80 bottles of Scotch rolling around the festival grounds all weekend.

(2) Liquor laws in Ohio are fucked up. The aforementioned purchase, we discovered at the register, could not be made with a credit card. Cash only. They gave us the legal "reasoning" behind that, but that's a brain cell that didn't make the flight home. In this purchase, no dark rum or vodka higher than 40-proof was included. Oh, it was desired; just not available. There's a total of one state-licensed liquor store in the entire county that sells vodka that doesn't freeze in the freezer, and rum that doesn't taste like seasoned urine. At the facility grounds, we walked around all weekend with booze in hand. I was seldom seen (wedding reception included) without a PBR can. We drank liquor in the lodge while checking in, cocktails on the ceremony grounds during the ceremony, and brought our own spirits to the catered reception that had boatloads of watered-down booze and Bud Light. Ugh. They let us bring our Scotch, our beer, and our Nalgenes full of concoctions into the recepation. They let us stash it behind the bar, and gladly served us our own booze on request. But not before carding us. Strictly and without fail, almost to the end. To me, that was like a Marine lieutenant asking the newly enlisted you if you're 18 just before he shoves you out of an airplane, but whatever.

(3) No matter what the journalists are saying that circulation/subscription numbers reveal, there are still some good newspapers out there. I did my duty everyday and brought an Ohio newspaper back to our cabin, and it was hungrily devoured. We learned lots from our print scribes over the weekend. For example, Cleveland Cavaliers fans exist, and somewhat cared about the team's playoff run. And Browns' coverage is pretty hard core, even in the off-season. And Indians' red-hot pitcher Cliff Lee is married. To a lady that can look hot (Editor's Note: Don't search. It only gets less flattering.).



So, yeah. We like papers, yes we do. We like papers...I thought I could do it, but threw up in my mouth a little bit instead. That's probably enough about this topic today, though. More tomorrow? Count on it.