Holy Fucking Shit

I don't know what you were watching last night, but there was a mind-blowing game on that you may have missed. It was a sport called basketball, and it is 100 per cent owned by this dude named LeBron. James. Man, he's really good. I'm not a stat guy but I think he scored over a thousand "points," as the announcers were calling them, many on moves called "dunks" and one "bat-shit crazy three-pointer."

Seriously, I might have to get back on board with the Association thanks to last night and young Mr. 23. Jesus. The Cleveland Cavaliers, outside of LeBron, might be the worst professional basketball team ever assembled. But last night King James could have taken the floor with the staff of the House of Georges and Urkel and won that game. He simply would not be denied. I loved the images of Tayshaun Prince, who's got a rep as a pretty damn good defender, repeatedly getting his forehead smothered by LeBron's balls on dominating dunks.

I've never been a LeBron guy until right now. He was overexposed in high school. He came into the league with Carmelo, who went to Syracuse (I'm from upstate NY) and ended up with the Nuggets (my NBA team), so I always wanted Melo to be better. He's not, but LeBron has struggled through a tough year. His attitude, commitment and desire have all been questioned this season, but he looks like someone on the brink of absolute dominating greatness. A ring would seal the deal.

I watched last night's game with extra interest due to our old buddy gambling. I have a friend who's in Vegas, and he called me yesterday asking how to bet the Pistons in the most profitable manner. We were both in agreeance that Detroit would not/could not lose. But the money line was something like minus-340, an absolutely preposterous number for a series that's been so closely contested. That got me thinking about the possibility of the Cavs pulling the upset, and I did a little reading on the subject. Simmons finally swayed me with his opinion (say what you will about the guy, but his playoff predictions have been pretty extraordinary). By the time I contacted my buddy again, he had already come to the same conclusion and laid two green benjamins on Cleveland at +170. So I felt personally invested in LeBron, even though it wasn't my money.

That wager took a roller-coaster ride through two epic overtime sessions, and for all I know my pal is dead in a gutter on the Strip. But if he survived, I'm going to have him investigate the odds on LeBron (and his sorry cast of extras) winning it all.