Friday Follow-Up: The Best Damn Thing Ever Written Period

If the Internets weren't spotted with great writers from which I could quote, I'm not sure what I'd do. Take Big Daddy Drew, for example. Love the guy. Never really got into his Peter King stuff over at Kissing Suzy Kolber, but most everything else he does rocks. His bits at Deadspin are no exception.

Take the "Why Your Football Team Sucks" series that's currently underway. Awesome. Yesterday's Green Bay Packers installment was phenomenal. I literally lost track of how many times I laughed out loud. When I was done, I considered writing to him to tell him about how much I hate the Denver Broncos. It turns out I was too late.

Some excerpts:

"I don't think I've ever seen an organization go from model franchise to baffling train wreck so quickly. Have you ever seen a new coach wear out his welcome faster than Josh McDaniels? Usually, it takes at least one regular season game before the fans start drunkenly calling for your big stupid head."

"The team just now suspended charming wife beater Brandon Marshall for the rest of the preseason for conduct detrimental to the team. Which leaves the Broncos a receiving corps of Eddie Royal and the cast of "Fame". It's a refreshing change from the days when the team brought in criminals like Maurice Clarett."

"During their late 90's Super Bowl title runs, the Broncos came to epitomize pretty much all of the annoying qualities of the Niners during their dynasty. Arrogant coach branded as some kind of genius/mastermind/guru/giant throbbing brain in a glass jar? Check. EXCESSIVE, ILLEGAL CUT BLOCKING? Check. Flagrant salary cap violations? Check. Lame end zone celebration? Check. (The Mile High Salute? Really?)"

"Sharpe won't visit his kids because he hates their mothers, but if he was a better dad, he'd feed them too much gravy and kill them. Awesome."

"The irony of John Elway's horseteeth and Shannon Sharpe's horseteeth together on a team with a Horse for a mascot, Terrell Davis' knees and braces, Barrelman, Fans shouting INCOMPLETE in unison...Fuck the Broncos, and fuck Colorado."

Hell. Fuck. Yeah. That's just what my Friday needed: A gigantic post of the shit I've always said in somebody else's handwriting.
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Friday Morning Fracas: Obligatory Aspen Tasting

A couple of weeks ago, when the House of Georges staff got together for our quarterly semi-bi-annual staff meeting, we of course chatted about sports and the Internets. The pieced-together conversations would be of little-to-no interest to our readers, but, below the jump, there are a few nuggets worth probing. Or maybe not. Decide for yourselves.

Blogs with Balls happened. I dig the concept, and imagine that we will one day sell enough t-shirts make enough money on our own to afford attendance to such a function. And if we can't, screw it. Apparently, the dude that runs Hugging Harold Reynolds met Harold Reynolds at the event, who referred to the blogger as "the hugging guy."

Drew Magary, co-founder of Kissing Suzy Kolber, Editor-At-Large for Deadspin, and occasional Penthouse feature writer, puts together some good words with admirable frequency. In case you missed it, his debut column in Penthouse was in March, the follow-up in April, and now, the June edition. Three things should be noted: 1) the Penthouse links are SFW; 2) I've never been able to find the May column; and 3) the latest feature, while instilling a few chuckles was, a tad disappointing, which perhaps answers number two.

Last but not least, if you're a fan of Joe Posnanski, visit his blog, and while you're there, pre-order his new book, which may or may not make a great Father's Day gift.

I reckon that's enough Aspen tasting. I've gotta go wash off my tongue.
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Friday Evening Fracas: 1-09-09

It's been a bit unorganized and free-for-allish around these parts lately, but don't fret: piece by piece, we are in fact gettin' the band back together. In due time, we'll find our circuits shorting, and our memory banks full, our very precise system of time management plundered and diminished. But that's just what keeps us going: your desire for more, and still more House of Georges originality.

In news of the non-bullshit, we've taken painful efforts to snoop around this series of tubes and find out what's goin' on out there. Come along. We won't disappoint. Too much...

Well, I'll be damned. All that gripin' I did about being a loser Kansas City fan has statistically paid off. Thanks, Mouthpiece Sports. You're the greatest.

The Big Lead draws a two-fer this evening: They think the Chiefs will get "that tackle" from the Crimson Tide, and, in extra, bonusy news, they've interviewed The Lone Reader's favorite all-time professional sports commissioner.

Yesterday, I thought Kissing Suzy Kolber had really outdone themselves. Only they can outdo themselves on consecutive days.

We haven't checked in on ol' JoePos lately. Check out this killer post on every Chiefs' fan's favorite topic, Herman Edwards.

Hugging Harold Reynolds has linked to this post today. I don't really know what's going on in it, but they call Chargers fans gay, so, uh, I'm down.

As any fan of the sports blogs knows, there's always lots of good reading material going on at Deadspin. Today's no different: They've linked to a story that suggests that Bill Romanowski wants to coach the Broncos (Editor's Note: God -- remember how I channelled you not too long ago, and begged for your heavenly assistance? I probably said something along the lines of never asking you for anything ever again. And, well, I lied. Please, if you can possibly intervene, allow Pat Bowlen to hire this man. I'm on my knees here, God.) And of course, yesterday was Jamboroo day. Get your read -- and your Kathy Ireland bikini look -- on.

Finally, Awful Announcing shows us the way to Joe Sports Fan's impeccable list of media faux pas in 2008.
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Thursday ThumbTubes & YouNails: 11-20-08

Time's of the essence, kids, so let's not waste any of it. After the jump, there's greasy wrestlers, a showering football wife, Food Network zing, and plenty of ThumbTubery/YouNailage to back it up. Let's get crackin'.

Never been a fan of the 'talica, but this is pretty cool:



Can't help but wonder, though, where they got the idea for hitting that board on the way to the tunnel...



The Big Lead looks at some possibilites for a Bill Cowher relocation in 2009.



I might have to shake the shit out of someone since the Chiefs aren't on that list.

They also let us know that this is (former Chief) Denver Bronco center Casey Wiegmann's wife,



to which I have to say, "What?"

I knew about Miss Boatwright some time ago, and had seen pictures of her with Chiefs gear on, and read lines about her being a Chiefs fan.



I was not aware that she wed Mr. Wiegmann, though.



And of course I now wonder if she has a bunch of orange-and-blue crap. Wouldn't suck if she didn't.

The gang over at Hugging Harold Reynolds compares Food Network personalities with NFL quarterbacks. Pretty funny, but mostly, it's an opportunity to ogle Giada De Laurentiis,







which, you know, is fine with me.

Since there are about nine trillion people on the Web doing it, we typically don't post a lot of wipeout videos, but when someone tries to ski a treadmill from behind a fast-moving car, we can't help it.



In the heyday of the World Wrestling Federation, I used to watch a ton of wrestling. The WWF was bad-ass, and so were many of its characters. One of which is a former member of The Hart Foundation, and PhillyBurbs has a review about ex-wrestler Bret "the Hitman" Hart's autobiography. My jaw hit the floor when I discovered that a) the book is 592 pages long, b) "Bret is constantly looking after brother-in-laws Davey Boy Smith, Dynamite Kid, and Jim Neidhart.", c) "Dynamite is broke, living in an English ghetto, alone, and sad.", and d) Hitman has a "rocky relationship with Hulk Hogan."

This all left me shocked, mostly for two reasons: 1) I actually felt compelled to order this book, and 2) the Hart Foundation



and the British Bulldogs



are all brothers-in-law? Huh?

Well, consider my mind effed for the day. Oh, well, there's always Big Daddy Drew's Jamboroo to do more of that. I'm out.
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Friday Morning Fracas: 11-14-08

Well, we've got a lot to cover this Friday fun day, and we'll kick it off with a slice of NFL. I still maintain that the NFL Network can get bent for having TV rights to the Thursday games, and yes -- I know: it's their own product, and that's quite the American thing to do. I suppose it somehow justifies my desire to watch all three Sunday games as well as the Monday night game. Somehow. Anyway, the slate for these contests has now featured back-to-back awesome fourth-quarter/game-ending finishes, so kudos to the jackasses for gettin lucky. Click into our non-exclusiveness, just after the jump, for more pigskin professorings, sort of.

I usually start my morning off with a little Leather action. Okay, not really. I usually have to wait a few hours until Ufford's gotten around to "St. Andrew's Net," but nevertheless, I hit that up first, and it usually kicks my day off really right. Today would be an exception, as they share with us the news that Fire Joe Morgan is calling it a day, and frankly, I'm crushed. They were the masters of sayin' it, and sayin' it well, and they'll go out in no less style:

"For now, we will leave the site and the archives up as a testament to the fact that if you work hard enough, and blow off enough social occasions, and stare at the internet enough, and get nerdy enough, and repeatedly ignore entreaties from your friends and loved ones to please God stop blogging about Bill Plaschke and get out of the house it's a beautiful day!, then you, too, can...have a blog."

If and when you next find yourself bored, staring at the computer, wondering what site to peruse next. Go to FJM; they're leaving the archives up. There is literally, six metric tons of good reading there.

Regarding last night's largely untelevised contest of American football, the Leatherheads thought it was boring, claiming that there were only two reasons to be interested in this match: "you had fantasy players involved, or you're a douche bag."

The Big Lead, however would disagree. I wasn't really aware how Jet-rrific these guys are, but now I am. I like the quote they put up at the end of last night's game:

"Favre in an interview just now: 'Randy Moss told me to throw a pick after the coin toss in overtime.'”

Regardless of the fact that I had to go to an establishment and SPEND MY HARD-EARNED money on $1.25 cans of Hamm's to catch it, I thought it was a great game. What's not to love about Matt Cassel, scrambling and hitting Randy "push off" Moss in the corner of the endzone with one second left? Oh, yeah. Now I remember: Pats-Jets. Guess With Leather was right. Great finish, though, especially when it involves a crinkly faced Belichick forced to clasp his second-place hand into the first-place hand of his former protege.

Speaking of coaches, Mr. Whitlock has put together a post over yonders on the FoxNets. Its lists the best 10/worst 10 coaches in football. I have frequently waivered regarding agreement/disagreement with his opinions. Today is no different. He's got Jim freaking Zorn listed as the best coach in the game. Herm Edwards doesn't make either list, and Mike Shanahan appears in the category that doesn't rhyme with breast.

In other footballiness, I'll just say that if Big Daddy Drew's Jamboroo over at Deadspin ever stops sucking, then I'll stop linking to it. That's not this week, though; BDD is certain that the Detroit Lions are going to go 0-16.

"I think Detroit fans deserve an 0-16 team, and I don’t mean that as an insult. I mean, what more fitting way to cap the end of Matt Millen’s reign of fucktardedness than by going 0-16? What more proper legacy of shittiness can that idiot have bestowed upon that town? Look, if you’re a Lion fan, and you had to sit through season after season of breathtaking incompetence, you should at least get a little memento for your trouble."

Granted, the guy takes immeasurable liberties with profanity, and jokes regarding cocks and fecal matter, but who doesn't? There's much more funniness and truth to the post beyond that quote, so give it a gander.

That's it for now. Check back in later for some Eff Kyoobed.
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Friday Morning Fracas: 10-31-08

It's Halloween. If you haven't already assembled your costume and readied your candy, shame on you. Not to worry, I haven't either, but that's because I'm going to hand out granola bars in my bathrobe, the one that has a "corn-cob pipe" in it. While the thought of that is both tricky and a treat, we've actually got a few things to address later in the day, so we'll keep this one nice and easy. "Nice and easy," by the way, is another way of saying full of vaultage for the pole.

A guy by the name of Old No. 7 once told me, "If you're not going to With Leather on a daily basis, you're doing yourself a disservice." That comment of course didn't suck, nor does the fact that they've linked to pbase today, and said pbase has what I like to call a tantalizing collection of photos of Leryn Franco, the stunning javelin thrower from Argentina.

Well, go on. Have a look. Just keep your pants on. Unless you're Mike Singletary, then it's a-okay.

As if we haven't gratuitously whored ourselves for Big Daddy Drew enough this week: this week's Jamboroo at Deadspin, with Jim Gaffigan footage. Win. Win.

In things of the loss-loss scenario, The Big Lead (vis-a-vis The Big Picture) has the skinny on some kid's big game. Sounds like the high-school version of Tony Gonzalez.

Lastly, The Smoking Section has an interview with Andre Royo, a.k.a. "Bubbles" from The Wire. Your homework: Go read it now. Absolutely phenomenal.
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Midweek Meanderings: Balls, HoG QBs, and Sargent Gaffes

Isn't that picture nice and lovely? Agreed; it is. I'm happy we shared that moment, and I'll ask you to remember it as, after the jump, we'll revert to being our snide-and-crude usual selves, full as usual of information somebody else put together solely for us to link to (Editor's Note: I may have taken some liberties with the word "solely" just there.). Come along...

We might as well call this Drew Magary week here on the blogospheres. After all, his new book is officially out, and he's taking advantage of every possible opportunity to plug it, like sitting in at the helm of With Leather for the day. Most of them are pretty darn funny, too. Like this one at Pro Football Talk wherein he discusses how Vernon Davis, like many NFL players, is nothing more than a piece of human excrement. CBSSportline has an occasionally funny, borderline-bare-it-all interview with him, which I reccommend reading, but not really.

In news of less-unsolicited, more-HoG-appropriate content, Deadspin has some insulintacular pictures of Jay Jams.

Chris Kolb of KC Chiefs Fanatic makes regular contributions to Arrowhead Addict. He's put together a great post on what the Chiefs should be doing in the upcoming off-season: finding a quarterback. Before I dug in to the piece, I had to scroll to the bottom with the thought "Please don't say Tim Tebow, Please don't say Tim Tebow" running through my brain. And though he wasn't a highlight per se, I did wind up screaming "Doh!"

And of course we wouldn't be just another collection of misfits in basements without our completely unoriginal dontations to the Danyelle Sargent cause.



Those naturally include this one and this one.
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Friday Afternoon Fracas: 8-29-08

Bunch o' lame shit going on 'round the MilkyWays today. Not a bunch, rather, but some. John McCain announced his running mate last night. It's a woman: kind of surprising. She's been the governor of Alaska: pretty rad. She's a hockey mom: pretty kick ass. This might mire some 'tweeners that can't think for themselves and decide which is worse, a minority in office, or a woman in office. That's them, those mentally twisted f**ks that make a up a large portion of our population. It's didn't alter my voting plans at all. But it is a curious move. Either way, I'm stoked to move forward into the haze of lame-duck Bushdom, which really won't be much different than the last seven and-a-half years, but whatever. A small handful of non-political yabyum, after the jump.

There's been a lame sports story or two making the cycles as of late, but this one takes the cake.

Oh, wait. My bad. This one does.

Continuing with the theme, Major League Jerk rails Fire Joe Morgan, then gives them a taste of their own medicine. Yowsers.

Strange happenings all around. Like Cristian Guzman hitting for the cycle yesterday, and helping his Washington Nationals crush Humberto's Dodgers 11-2. As the beauts at BLB say, "what the hell just happened?" One can't help but wonder how they'll fare this weekend against division rivals/leaders, the D'Bags.

To wrap it on a funny note, yesterday's "Balls Deep" at Deadspin, by the BDDster himself.
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Friday Morning Fracas: 8-22-08

When I went to bed last night, I was thinking to myself, "Man, I can't wait to get up and go to work tomorrow; the thought of sweating over a griddle for both the lunch and dinner rush again just sounds spec-fucking-tacular." So to start my day off, I'm going to include a picture of Miss Rice -- the Australian Olympic swimmer -- in her underwear. Why? 'Cause it's the GoreTubes, and I felt like it. Now, I myself have never owned any underwear like that. Of course, I've never had photos of myself in my underwear taken either, but that's a really boring story. What's not quite as boring lies ahead...

The first time I fought with my wife -- who was very, very far from being my wife at that point -- the topic of tantrum was this: dinner at her folks house, or attend my fantasy football draft. At the time, she hated football. Hated it. Now, she's a pretty big fan of it, and, I proudly sent the lil' camper off to her first fantasy draft of her own the other night. It made me curious, excited, and nervous. Curious to see how many of the other women had male assistance in draft preparation, excited for her to enjoy it, and do well, and nervous that she would fare better in her league than I in my own. In the end, I found myself feeling lucky. Lucky that she is not one of the women that belongs to this campaign, or club, or whatever you want to call it.

Speaking of fantasy, The NFL Draft Site has scribed a post consisting of fantasy sleeper picks. It includes a total of five whole players, two of whom are Calvin Johnson and Jason Witten. Nice work. Really.

This Little League World Series clip comes to us via Awful Announcing. They have many opinions on it. I, however, do not.

In Major League Baseball, there is one team that we here at the House of Georges will never fail to cover: Humberto's Dodgers of Los An-hell-ace. We all like picking up Hiroki Kuroda for a spot start in fantasy baseball, we adore the ManRam, and hell, throw skipper Joe Torre blogging into the mix, and consider my throwback Orel Hershiser jersey all but purchased.

Speaking of Los Dodgers, Ozomatli, one of my favorite bands of all-time, is now apparently on the payroll...



(clip courtesy of Sons of Steve Garvey)

That was quite unsavory. But speaking of throwback...



That's pretty good stuff, but I prefer the briefer, more on point rendition delivered by Cubs pitcher Ryan Dempster...



(clips courtesy of Big League Stew)

Bugs & Cranks wants to know who the bigger MLB villain is: Barry or Manny.

Finally, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't look forward to BDD's "Balls Deep" column each Thursday over on the Deadspins. I do look forward to it, mostly because it's freaking hilarious. I'm going to link to yesterday's piece, but before I do, please read this sentence: There is a picture of a woman with her breasts exposed at the bottom of the post. They are fully naked, rather largish breasts, thus marking the post Not Safe For Work. Okay. Just wanted to make that clear. The post is here.

Enjoy your Friday, people.
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